photo by lastnightsparty

Plaid shirt
Skinny jeans
fly ass sneakers
Beard
alt haircut

The standard uniform of the male alt
So many bros
So many varied plaid color scheme combinations
So many personal brands that are within a very small standard deviation of 'the alt norm'

The truth is
It doesn't matter what a bro looks like
How long his facial hair is
which buzzband mp3s fill his iPod
What his preferred premium / post-ironic beer is
how much he weighs
how long his schlong us

Every alternative bro forms a larger body
a modern movement
an aesthetic
the sum of all altbros = far greater than any individual.

We can do anything
We can get any girl
We can all lust over a hot alt baguette
We are all

Kinda like existentialism
we are all 'the same' or something abstract like that
We are all just trying to bang hot alt pussie
We are all the same.

We can all 'get too drunk'
and lift up a girl
spin her around the dance floor
as our penis becomes erect against her clitoris/leggings

Alt has no size
Alt has no color
Kinda like 'love'
U could theoretically fall in love with 'the elephant bro'
or one of those bros who weighs 1 ton and sweats Coca Cola [via being fat]

Love = Alt
Alt = Love
Me = U
Fat = Skinny
Alt = Mnstrm

AnCo = NSYNC
Electro = Indie
Blogs = newspapers
Buzzbands = shity local bands
Cool Dads = entry level alts

1 day u will find her soulmate
He or she will/will not be 'perfect' on the outside
They might not be 'the personal brand that u thought u would end up with forever'
Too fat
Too skiny
Too dumb
Too smart in an ass-hole kind of way
Too neurotic
Too chill
Too into shitty music
Too into relevant buzzbands

but maybe deep down inside
they will 'make sense'
make sense 2 u
and u'll move in 2gether
become more than just an 'aimless 20something'
and u'll start a family

But it all starts tonight
Get ur ass on the dance floor
grind on her pussie/ass
Pick her up by her ass
Spin her around until she 'goes unconscious'

This is ur time
Alt has no size
Believe in urself
Believe in <3

Will u ever find ur soulmate?
Is there such thing as an 'over-sized' alt?
Are females expected to be skinnier than males?
Are u a plus-sized altbro? what size t-shirt/jeans do u wear?
Does 'alt' have a minimum/maximum weight?
Are u 'unhip' if u r 'fat'?
Have u ever been with a 'plus sized human'?
Can 'skinny jeans' exist if u have a 30/32/34/36/38/40+ inch waist?