I was driving around in suburbia the other day, and I happened to see a homeless man holding up an interesting sign. Like many other homeless people, I assumed he was crazy, smelly, a drug addict, an alcoholic, infested with sexually transmitted diseases, and pulling the gimmick where he claims that he 'served his country' [via wearing a camouflage jacket]. His sign claimed that he had a 'golden radio voice', so I offered him a Taco Bell taco in exchange for a few lines. He delivered. I took out my camera and asked him to re-create the process and I would give him the change sitting in my cup holder. He willingly obliged.

I pulled over and interviewed him. I was feeling 'creative', and knew that his voice was bloggable enough to 'go viral' if I 'humanized him' enough. Worst case scenario--I gave a homeless guy 94 cents and a taco. Best case scenario--he would go viral, and I would change his life forever.

The truth is most people who are 'successful' in a middle class way feel a little bit guilty that they have more than others. Usually, they can find some sort of release by 'going to church' or maybe 'dropping off some old clothes / canned goods at a local donation station', but in the modern world, you don't have to 'share' anything more than a hyperlink/video embed.

What if I told u that I had a solution 2 end homelessness?
Let's help homeless people go viral.

Just a few days ago, Ted Williams was a 'drain' on our fragile society. Today, he is 'bringing joy' 2 the lives' of Middle American lamestreamers, after giving every1 'hope' that no matter how 'down on ur luck' u r, u can still become a viral meme. U don't have to have a Macbook, webcam, knowledge of topical content, or even a sober lifestyle. All u need is a dream.

I have a mainstream job and I will never get to meet Al Roker or Ann Curry or Matt Lauer or the Ghost of Katie Couric.

The reviews on Ted Williams have been 'mixed.'
White woman: "He's so eloquent for a homeless man."
White Christian: "He doesn't seem like most homeless ppl who I serve slop 2 @the_shelter."
White kid: "Are all homeless ppl hiding hidden talents?"
White racist: "Affirmative action has gone 2 far."
Other homeless man: "What's youtube?"

Seems like every major network 'wanted a piece of him.' Wanted to showcase him as an 'inspirational story' from 'the web' that they were featuring in order to appeal 2 young and old ppl.

Pulling off the 'major network trifecta' [via ABC, NBC, CBS]. The ultimate modern human interest story. A modern 'rags 2 riches story.' The story of a man who went from 'disconnected' 2 'totally viral.'

So many job offers flowing in to Ted Williams. National news networks. Even the Cleveland Cavaliers saw him as a marketable enough meme to 'offer him a job.'

Wonder if it is a good idea to hire a former drug + alcohol addict who is probably 'completely out of touch with the world' 2 join ur workforce. Wonder if employees will welcome him with open arms or if they will be like "I should have been a homeless addict 4 the first 50 years of my life, searching for an opportunity 2 go viral, then have the internet take care of me.'

I heard Ted Willies has had 'many run ins with the law.'

'I heard Ted Willies has 9 kids and used to bone Oprah.'

'I heard Ted Willies is always down to 'relapse' and vibe out on some black tar heroin.'

"Let's dig up his mom who he hasn't talked to in 10 years just to add another character sculpting tool 2 the story. She is probably a good mom [via letting her son spend 10 years living on the streets as a drug addict]."

I feel like a better person
now that I have 'shared' Ted Williams with u
I want u 2 know
that now matter how 'rock bottom' u hit

U always have the chance 2 'go viral'
U always have the chance to 'make mad bank'
U always have the chance 2 inspire
Nvr give up
Nvr effing give up

Because 1 month u can be on a crack bender where ur 'sucking penis in a bathroom 4 money'
and the next week
ur mouth can be delivering positive vibes
on a radio station.

Crack, Cocaine, Prostitution
Weed, Heroin, miscellaneous dark acts
U can rebound
There is hope for 20something.

One sign
One hope
One human meme
One story of hope
2 help boring, middle class ppl feel like they 'saved some1's life' just by 'sharing a link 2 an inspirational story.'

Did the story of Ted Williams 'inspire u'?
Do u want to try to help a homeless man 'go viral' 2 save his life?
Do u have any ideas 2 help homeless people 'go viral' beyond the 'traditional puff piece'?
Does Ted Williams have 'a good voice' or is he an overrated talking head without any substance?
Can homeless people really 'make a quick transition in2 society' or do they have lingering bad habits like 'eating food out of the garbage' and 'drugs'?
Should we establish charities that raise 'hits' instead of 'raising money'?
Can I perform 'public service' by 'watching feel-good stories on the internet' instead of doing manual labor where I am interfacing with people in need?
Is internet virality the 'solution' 2 end homelessness?
Did this story 'improve' ur day and 'give u hope' or does it 'piss u off' that this bro got to 'piss away his life' and then get more opportunities than u likely ever will?

Next time I see a homeless man, I'm going to ask him if he has any talents, and attempt to make him 'go viral' as the last shot he has 2 change his life.