The indiesphere is in shambles today, mourning the loss of the First couple of indie rock. We might never know WHY Ben and Zooey broke up, but we can make a series of informed guesses, lies, and conspiracy theories that project ourselves into their lives' and openly speculate abt why they broke up. We just want to know 'Why?' so that one day, when we are in relevant relationships, we won't make the same mistakes.

Why did Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard breakup/'divorce'/separate?
a) bc she was 2 prettie 4 him
b) bc she was 2 famous 4 him
c) bc they had changed on the inside
d) bc he never got over his emo past
e) bc all he did was sit around watching baseball and he never mowed the lawn or brought in the groceries
f) bc 'indie' had changed and they both got too commercial
g) bc he wanted to get back to his authentic songwriting roots
h) bc they wanted to let Win Butler and Regine Chassagne 'take over' as the reigning King and Queen of Mindie Rock
i) bc his vibe was s00 Seattle and she was all LA
j) she had deep emotional issues that required professional help, and Ben only served as an enabler to these problems
k) bc he had deeply rooted emotional problems that required professional help, and took out his darkness on ZoZo
l) he drank directly out of the milk carton
m) they never got comfy enough 2 'fart' around eachother
n) She always left the toilet seat up
o) Ben wanted kids to inspire a new wave of feel-good children's vibey music, she wanted a career and didn't want to harvest an indie child in her womb
p) They didn't sign a prenup, so Ben wanted to take 'half of her assets' while she was hot
q) Zooey cheated on him with M. Ward
r) Ben was jealous of her acting career after many failed attempts to break into Hollywood on his own
s) He got tired of looking into her blue eyes
t) they didn't own a dishwasher, so Ben ended up doing the dishes all of the time
u) Ben never got 'guy time', and she would all be like 'I totally wanna hang with ur bros' but then when he invited her she was all like 'UGH U NEVER SPEND TIME WITH ME AND UR FRIENDS HATE ME'
v) After going to relationship counseling for a year, they came to the conclusion that they still loved eachother, but just needed space
w) Zooey was sad that he never restarted the Postal Service bc it was way better than any Death Cabs
x) He told her that he hated her content farm (Hello Giggles) because it felt like she was running a 'sweatshop' of jappy tweens who though their opinions mattered, even though they were just dumping them on to the internet for people to mock and belittle
y) He liked frozen yogurt and she liked ice cream so they could never agree on an after-dinner snack.
z) She had sleep apnea/a snoring problem, and they had been sleeping apart for a long time, eventually causing them to lose their intimacy vibes
aa) Choose ur own response

Why do ppl breakup?
Why do indie couples breakup?
Do they have more important problems than 'normal ppl'/'normal relationships', or do they have the same issues as commonfolk?
Who is the new King & Queen of Indie?
Do u miss Ben & Zooey?
Who r u more concerned abt: Ben or Zooey?

Ben Gibbard

Alternative Celebrity

Ben Gibbard is the lead singer of the Death Cabs and the now defunct Postal Service. Zooey Deschanel married him to be more indie.

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Zooey Deschanel

Actor, Alternative Celebrity

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

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