Will you be an alternative parent one day?
I don’t think the current crop of alternative females have very good maternal instincts. Most alt bros will probably just marry mainstreamers who won’t entirely resent giving up full time self-involvement.
[Photo by Austin Style Watch]
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A Mother’s Day Song for your mom…
“And I don’t want the world 2 c me,
bc I don’t think that they’d understand…
When Everything’s made 2 b broken,
I just want u 2 know who I am…”
-The Goo Goo Dolls, “Iris”
XX BONUS XX
****AN OPEN LETTER TO MOMS OF ALT BROS*******
Dear Mom,
I just want you to know that I appreciate you. I’ve gone through a lot of fads over the years, and made you listen to a lot of crappy music in the car. I only played it because I wanted you to appreciate me for who I was at the time. I wanted us to have a connection when I played “Father of Mine” by Everclear.
You bought me a lot of shitty clothes, and you drove me to places so I could try to fit in and sometimes try to finger girls in the back of movie theatres. I remember when you bought me my first cargo shorts, painters jeans, and band t-shirt at Hot Topic. You never made fun of me, and you never tried to stop me. You bought me rap CDs, alt rock CDs, Deep Blue Something CDs, and Dishwalla CDs. This means you really love me, unconditionally. Also, there was that time where I made you buy me an electric guitar, and I never really learned how to play it.
You have been here for me every step of the way on my journey towards my alternative existence.
I remember when you signed me up for a summer art program where I learned how to paint, and do arts and crafts doodling crap. It’s funny how things work out. Almost a decade later, you paid for me to go to an auto-acceptance Art Institute in Chicago/San Fransisco/New York City/Los Angeles. I went for a year, and you paid the $30,000 tuition, and you paid for my rent. You also bought me a Macbook because I wanted the little camera thingy, even though you bought me an iBook 3 months earlier.
During my year failing out of art school, I did a lot of bad things, but they were probably good for my social life. Atleast 80% of my monthly budget is spent on night life activities. You also indirectly paid for my chest tattoo.
I remember the first time I came home from art college. I had a beard/a piercing/dressed like I was a new person, and tried to seem super disinterested and disgusted in my suburban surroundings. You looked kind of like you were proud of me, I think. Maybe you were just confused, but it was a stomach punch of sweetness that were genuinely just happy to see me.
When I told you that my heart wasn’t in art school any more (because I didn’t do any work for an entire semester and had to “medically withdraw because of depression & anxiety”), and I needed time to ‘find out who I was and how I could express myself’, you gave me time. When I got tired of the whole bullshit scene in my city, you gave me money to move to a new major city. You supported me while I spent 3 months searching for the perfect job in the perfect coffee shop/bar/retail outlet.
I hardly call you any more because I don’t think you can appreciate how cool, intellectual, progressive, and culturally relevant everything about my existence is.
I am thankful for you, and I know you have given me everything, so it’s just difficult for me to talk to you because I feel incredibly guilty about the decisions I’ve made. As Sufjan Stevens said in the song CHICAGO, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes.” But you’ve always been there because you are waiting for me to turn into some one great (which happens to be a song by a band named LCD Soundsystem).
Fortunately, I’m finally doing something. Me and a group of my buddies are going to start a blog. It’s sort of like a website where people come to read your writing, or videos, or just browse pictures. It’s basically the future of journalism, and I think we’re really going to make it, and just promote music, and try to make the scene a better place. I think we are going to blog for social change, party promotion, and post some really awesome italo bangers.
I love you mom. I’m sorry that I am a turd that came out of your womb, and eventually turned into a bigger turd who requires the monthly budget of a four-person family in Middle America.
Love,
Your Alt Bro Son
PS: Attached to this letter is a burned CD. It’s an album by Feist called “The Reminder.” I think you’ll enjoy it since you like Sheryl Crow.
*****************
HRO [HIGHLY RECCS] ATTEMPTING TO SHOW SOME COMPASSION TOWARDS YOUR MOTHER TODAY. OR MAYBE JUST ACKNOWLEDGE HER.
“My Son Moved to the City and now he is a FGGT.”
CARLES: A GOOD PERSON DEEP INSIDE?
LATERS.
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IAmCarles.com
42 Comments
perfection carles
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Wow! I’m spoiled shamelessly aswell.
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wow!
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HAHAHAHA SOO GOOD
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it was awesome to read with “Something About Us” in the background
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Was that your autobiography???
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pretty much sums up my life to date
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i gave my mom a feist cd too
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i didn’t even finish reading had 2 skip strt to comments to tell you how much i <3 u
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i too have given my mom a feist cd
and you pretty much hit the ball out of the park with that letter crls
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BDSFKJASDHFGLAS I’m rly touched < <<333
thanks Carles, yr the best xo. We should all post this on our mom’s walls.
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because i live near sf it’s san francisco
BUT ANYWAY
happy mother’s day to you and your mom
CARLES: A GOOD PERSON DEEP INSIDE?
of course <###
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Best post ever. Today you are Jesus, you douchebag.
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I love you, hipster runoff!!!
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e-mailing rthis to my mommy cus the letter is everything I need to say to her
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ben BARBER
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wow, you guy’s didn’t get that at all. and anybody that gives their mom an indie album and thinks it makes her happy is a douchebag.
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SWEET BERRY WINE!
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is Justice my mom?
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PS I wish I could express my love 2 mom. but I can’t even talk to her without getting in an argument over my existentialist lifestyle (aka being super lazy and not wanting to find a job or pay/do anything period except spend money). HRO, you asked us to ask you for advice.
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could DJ momjeans actually have some relavance to this post??
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i’d give my mom jeans for mother’s day but she wouldn’t appreciate it.
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jesus. that post was 75% the funniest thing ever and 60% made me feel pretty bad about myself
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//////////Reply by scientologist
//////////Posted November 10th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
@Anonymous,
I wholesomely concur.
I feel like an asshole hahaha.
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I gave my mom midnight juggernauts cd today I burned to tell her I care
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Very funny!
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no really can you please make your posts less funny/disturbingly true
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i want my comment to be deleted too!!! how can one make this happen?
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hahaha. HRO: the man who understands the confused cultural musings of hpstrs who really dont do shit except partie and listen to new music. we like to think we’re better than those coal miners from west virginia.
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That picture of the alt-parents and baby was taken outside of an HEB in Austin (notice the HEB Brand Cola vending machine and shopping cart).
I guess Whole Foods doesn’t carry Pampers…
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i feel like an awful person now, and want to change.
thanks HRO
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THERE IS A BLACK WOMAN….(WHO PAID FOR HER DAUGHTER TO MOVE TO LA, WHO GAVE HER DAUGHTER A MOTHLY ALLOWANCE, WHO’S DAUGHTER JUST STARTED A BLOG TO CHAGE THE SCENE FOR THE BETTER, WHO’S DAUGHTER SPENDS 80% OF HER BUDGET ON PARTYING) IN SAN JOSE CA THAT IS SINGING YOUR PRAISES!
OH NO….I’M A DOUCHE BAG!
XX BANG BANG
THE BLAH BLAH DOUCHE BAG
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i always see youngaustincouplewithbaby at HEB allllll the timmmeeee.ugggggggh
when did URBN start selling accesory baby?
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HRO makes me feel like i matter
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i love my mommy so instead of giving her a traditional “ILOVEYOUMOMnowletmehavemoney4mydrugs” hallmark card, i’m going to take her to an iheartcomix/dimmak event so she could REALLY understand me, maybe she’ll let loose while franki chan is doing a set, and maybe i’ll understand her
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Yes Holly, you are a douche bag, that has been public knowledge for quite some time…
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oh gosh, I totally know, and love those alt. parents up top. they are super incredible, and yes she is indeed a maternal alt mom.
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wow, its like, my life blog’d
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I need to know what that deleted comment said.
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Shit. I pressed the button twice. My bad.
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CARLES THAT WAS THE BEST POST EVER
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THIS THE MOST RETARDEDLY SOCIALLY ASTUTE, INDESCRIBABLY RELATABLE PIECE OF WRITING I HAVE EVER READ. WHILE ALL THE STUFF ABOUT MONEY, OF WHICH MY DEAR MOTHER HAS NONE, DOES NOT APPLY TO MYSELF, IT DOES TO 90% OF MY FRIENDS. I LISTENED TO THAT EVERCLEAR SONG LOUDLY 10 YEARS AGO, HOPING THAT SHE WOULD HEAR IT. I ALSO DROPPED OUT OF MY MAD, BAD, SOCIALLY UPLIFTING FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE, DROPPED OUT, STOPPED GOING HOME TO SUBURBIA, FOUND MYSELF LISTENING TO “SOMEONE GREAT” & “ALL MY FRIENDS”, STARTED DOING SOMETHING I THINK IS IMPORTANT BUT 99% OF OTHER PEOPLE DONT, AND CONTINUE TO DOWNLOAD SOME REALLY AWESEOME BANGERZ.
<3
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FIRST!
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