HIPSTER RUNOFF

What do you think of the MADONNA song "Four Minutes" featuring Justin Timblerlake and Timbaland?

As you watch/listen to this song, do you feel like you are just experiencing some forced spectacle?

I usually enjoy pop songs by pop superstars on a level that's even more sincere than a post-ironic enjoyment, but I feel like this song is kind of like an experiment to see what happens when you force together the cliched sounds of all three of the artists involved. Sort of like a kid making a pizza with toppings of ice cream, candy, Nerf products, and Happy Meals. In theory, it mixes all of the things that they like, but mixed together, it would probably give you diarrhea.

Some of these elements include:

• Madonna tick tock
• Timbaland chord progression that is hard to take seriously because it is so obvious, but because of this formula, it eventually becomes one of the most recognizable songs of the year
• a healthy dose of Justin Timberlake passionate 'hey's, 'uh's, and 'woo's
• Crappy Timbaland vocals that no one could tell him sucked because he pretty much made the song, so it would hurt his feelings if you told him that he doesn't have a good voice, and that his lyrical stylings were forced.
• A chorus that sounds like something they talked themselves into after not really knowing what to write for 2 hours.

An interesting thing about songs or albums made by mega-pop-stars is that there isn't any one to say that they aren't that good at any stage of the process. Every one is usually 'so excited' about the new single that they talk themselves into the song being good. I feel like Madonna is one of the best at making stuff that 'sounds different than anything she has ever made before', so if you say that you don't like it, it's like you 'don't want to embrace a new, relevant, artistic sound.'

I think I'm just bitter because the pop-songs-that-you-can't-avoid-hearing in commercials, sporting intermissions, or by hollow human beings driving by you on their way home from work, are usually well-crafted songs. You know, like that one by Outkast about shaking polaroids, or that Lenny Kravitz one about wanting to fly away. Or even that Third Eye Blind one about having a semi-charmed life.

I just want overexposed mainstream anthems to have at least 1.5 reasons that you can talk yourself into liking them.

Most underwhelming 'cover art' of all time? Was it made by the creator of the cover of the NOW! That's what I call Music series?