Happy 4th Of July (yall)! | Hipster Runoff

Happy 4th Of July (yall)!

Hope yall are having a good day celebrating how America is the #1 country in the world. I have been blogging [LIVE] from a picnic today, and I had a little bit of extra table cloth left over from our picnic table. Fortunately, I gave it to this alt bro so he could make an [EXCLUSIVE] Palestinian scarf. I spilled a lil bit of mustard on it, but I think he must have SHOUTed it Out.

[Photo by Facehunter]

But seriously, yall. America is the best country in the world. I don't rlly care if I alienate my alt readers from England, Australia, France, or Mexico. America is responsible for a lot of important alt culture. Without America, foreign bands wouldn't have a place to sell out & get truly commodified. In addition, most blogs and magazines are written in American language. American is the international language of the internet, so all of yall need to be thankful that your countries let you speak it.

America also has more impressionable tweens than any 1 else. I know there's a lot of weirdo European kids, and Japanese kids, but American kids are the best. They will grow up and make society a better place after they get their degree in Photoshop with a minor in iMovie HD.

America is kind of like the Girl Talk of countries. It is s0 mainstream and alt at the same time. It's beautiful. From the suburbs to the metropolitan areas, we are united as alts. When the world ends in 2012, every country will look back and wish they were a little bit more American.


Who should America go to War with next?
a) Iran
b) China (during the Olympics)
c) the southern part of America (remix)
d) ally with Australia and nuke France
e) Japanese teenagers in shuttershades
f) Bombay, India (stop stealing our jobs, yall!)
g) Scandinavia
h) Africa
i) any where that has brown-ish poeple
j) emo Mexican kids
k) rich Brazilians like CSS
m) Iceland (we will start the war by kidnapping Sigur Ros and Bjork)
n) Choose.Your.Own.Country+Alt reference