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MTV is discovering stuff that’s alt. Does that mean it’s not ‘alt’ n e more? [BEWARE OF THE MAINSTREAMERS]

Lately, MTV has been doing these in-depth investigative journalism pieces about parts of the world no1 has ever heard about. I wanted to share these rlly informative pieces with yall, because I assume that if you read this blog, you are one of the most culturally-connected persons within your local community. You are a first-line tastemaker, and you deserve to know about [EXCLUSIVE] stuff like this.


Please note that these videos are [HIGHLY RECCD], not only because you get to see John Norris’ never-ending-quest to be a lil alt, but because you want to understand what it’s like to participate in the revolution that is a geographically-contained creative renaissance.

Note: HIGHLY RECCT VIDEOS MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE IN YOUR RSS READER

************
Un-Earthed Location #1: A small American city called “Portland, Oregon.”

Did this video almost make your head explode, too? SRSLY. I rlllly hate Portland and any other ’second tier’ cities that claim to be culturally relevant by playing up the whole ‘alternative gimmick.’ There is an excess of shitty musicians who are Starbucks/Chili’s employees in every city, so I hate when a city’s personal brand revolves around ’sounding like they really mean it when they make their shitty music/attend their shitty, awkward concerts.’

I’d say Austin, TX is pretty good example of ’shitty city who is gimmickifying it’s underwhelmingly-alternative brand’, too. Most of the music in Austin, TX is more approachable indie fodder than the Portland concept crap, so I’ll give the edge to Portland when it comes to ‘moderately alt cities that major-city-alts-want-to-move-to-bc-they-think-their-life-will-be-simple, yet-authentic,yet-still-as-alt as they feel comfortable with.’ No matter what, we all need an alt-city full of alts to feel comfortable around without the high-cost-of-living that major metropolitan areas have. Don’t you feel like you have met a lot of people who have idealized Portland and Austin as ‘heaven on alt-earth’? Like they imagine settling down with a humble-&-emotionally-connected trophy alt who is done with his/her ‘partying phase’ and ready to start buying well-designed carriages for their newborn babies (lil alts).

Common traits of overhyped 2nd rate alternative cities:

  • Perception of being ‘green’
  • Perception of a bustling ‘local economy’
  • A high ‘basically unemployment’ rate (this figure represents people who are over 30, but still have the jobs a 16 year old would have)
  • An excess of corporate and independent coffee shops
  • An excess of people with too many tattoos working in independent coffee shops
  • An excess of coffee shop employees playing RLLY gimmicky ‘interesting’ music in coffee shops during their shifts/playing the albums of their friend’s band who sound exactly like _______
  • Overhearing the ‘future plans’ of people who work in these coffee shops to start their own business in design/food/recordstore/boutique/other alternative biz idea.
  • An excess of people in bands that have shows in an excess of venues
  • An otherwise stable maintream economy which allows the alternative population to work in the service industry. While this usually happens in all cities, the minorities in the service industry are replaced by these aging alts.
  • Overhearing all of these people talking about stuff that was cool between 2 to 40 years ago. They basically have a 2 year delay on ‘what is currently cool’ and usually just rely on ‘liking aesthetics/bands that are from before 1985.’
  • A handful of decent bands, a few imitators, and a bunch of krappie bands that have tied their identity to their home city and guilt their friends into attending their show/post a lot of myspace bulletins to impressionable local-17-year olds.
  • They attempt to assert their city-wide inferiority complexes by having excessive representation when it comes to liberal activities, particularly ‘marches.’ Examples include Gay Pride Marches, Anti-Racism Marches, Marches Against ‘The War’, and general Marches Against Stuff That Exists Because of Conservative People.
  • These cities have significant populations of ‘cool dads’ and ‘free spirited moms’ by choice/believe in their personal images, as opposed to the real-city versions of these parents who are simply ‘participating in a gimmick which they have no control over.’
  • A lot of these cities have a major university or a well-branded liberal arts school with a progressive identity which the ‘hip side of town’ feels like they need to cater to in order to keep up sales of vegan wraps, pizza-made-from-only-organic-ingredients, and interesting t-shirts.

N e ways. Do yall like these types of cities or what? Am I wrong? Should the Mayor of Portland ’show me around the alt side of town’ and then ‘take me on a tour of their business district’?

I think a lot of cities/hip communities within a city all have some of these traits. Did I miss n e traits?

[PLEASE NOTE: I DO LIKE STARFUCKER FROM PORTLAND, BUT I WILL STOP LIKING THEM WHEN PEOPLE START CALLING THEM 'THE NEXT MGMT' AND THEIR RCRD LABEL FORCES THEM TO CHANGE THEIR NAME. ]

[PLEASE NOTE: I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE GONE THROUGH AN EXISTENTIAL PHASE WHERE I LISTENED TO A LOT OF THE MICROPHONES AND HAVE DECIDED TO NOT TAKE ANYTHING FROM PORTLAND SERIOUSLY IN ORDER TO FORGET THE PERSON WHO I USED TO THINK I WAS IN 2KNEVER.]

[PLEASE NOTE: I H8 95% OF THE PEOPLE I HAVE MET FROM PORTLAND. I THINK I JUST DON'T LIKE PEOPLE WHO THINK WHERE THEY LIVE IS ANY MORE/LESS INTERESTING THAN N E WHERE ELSE.]

******
Unearthed Location #2: A country called France

Can some one please explain the differences between the bands JUS-TICE and JEW-STEESE? If they are going to use an American world, I think they should say it like a proud American. “Justice” was a concept invented in America, so it doesn’t matter how.

N e ways, this video is s00 true. Those Frenchies are stealing our culture and selling it back 2 us. SOME1 NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. Our American alternative celebrities are letting us down. Also, the American government should ban foreign artists from utilizing our memes and media from the past in order to make money off their art. America should probably ally with Australia in the ElectroWar.

Journalists need to stop focusing on geographic locations, and start realizing that
we all live on the Internet. There’s no such thing as a ‘city’ n e m0re, yall. We’re all citizens of Blogville/the blogosphere/the memesphere/the information super fagway.

In conclusion, we need America to unite as a nation to create popular alternative music. Carles is doing his best to help the United States by working hard on the HIPSTER RUNOFF debut EP.

HRO is sooo mainstream. I can’t believe I still blg abt all of these mainstream bands that are alllll over MTV.

I’m just searching for authentic authenticity. :-(

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118 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:00 pm | Permalink

    -jousteece-

    Reply

  2. Octopus Magic
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:14 pm | Permalink

    are stupid looking sunglasses totes mainstream at this point now?

    Reply

  3. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:20 pm | Permalink

    Few nights ago I fucked an american mainstream girl while listening to that TEENAGERS song. It was wild. She was such a slut.

    Reply

  4. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:26 pm | Permalink

    “Don’t you feel like you have met a lot of people who have idealized Portland and Austin as ‘heaven on alt-earth’?.”

    sounds like mpls

    I might add that the video just starting boring me after like 1 minutes. I hate when people talk about how ocol their scene is. u are right crls… it’s the internet scene now. it’s a gift to have your music scene as people u meet all over the world on the net, not in ur own artsy fartsy town

    Reply

  5. DJ JONESBIRD
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:29 pm | Permalink

    I HATE PORTLAND.

    ALL THOSE BANDS CAN SUCK MY NOLA BALLZ.

    ALL PORTLAND IS GOOD FOR IS ORGANIC PRODUCE, WEARING GREY AA HOODIES, AND THICK-FRAMED GLASSES.

    FUCK THEM.

    Reply

  6. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:32 pm | Permalink

    ISN’T IT COOL HOW PORTLAND IS ALL WHITE PEOPLE

    SOOOOO ALT

    Reply

  7. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:36 pm | Permalink

    oh my god john norris is such a fggt.

    Reply

  8. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:39 pm | Permalink

    John Norris needs to give up the alt-dream. He’ll never be as cool as Cool Dad Stephen Malkmus.

    Reply

  9. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:44 pm | Permalink

    crls face it…ur part of the problem..SRSLY

    Reply

  10. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:46 pm | Permalink

    P.S. I didnt even read the post!

    Reply

  11. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:50 pm | Permalink

    the people ive known that live in portland are fggts. they think they’re all that. matter of fact…the people that i know in portland actually lived in austin previously.

    Austin is ruined.
    GET READY PORTLAND, you’re next!
    enjoy it while it lasts…

    Reply

  12. Nick
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:51 pm | Permalink

    why does everyone get so angry about portland?

    Reply

  13. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 9:59 pm | Permalink

    juice-tease! you’ve got to be kidding me… what uh ghey.

    mtv tries too hard.

    Reply

  14. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 10:13 pm | Permalink

    i fucking hate mtv

    Reply

  15. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 10:20 pm | Permalink

    tbh i like the decembrists they r from portland also WHAT EVR HAPPEND 2 KURT LODER

    Reply

  16. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 10:22 pm | Permalink

    anonymous said…
    juice-tease! you’ve got to be kidding me… what uh ghey.

    mtv tries too hard.

    July 18, 2008 4:59 PM

    anonymous said…
    i fucking hate mtv

    July 18, 2008 5:13 PM

    CRLS STOP KILLING MY LIFESTYLE! stick to posting pictures of FGGTS!

    Reply

  17. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 10:23 pm | Permalink

    i saw kurt loder at the last girl talk concert in nyc. girl talk is such a talented musician.
    …btw great post carles.
    “An otherwise stable maintream economy which allows the alternative population to work in the service industry. While this usually happens in all cities, the minorities in the service industry are replaced by these aging alts.”
    omg rofl

    Reply

  18. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 10:24 pm | Permalink

    “Portland is the only city that has different kinds of bands playing on the same bill.”

    Thanks Panther, you’ve just rendered yourself retarded. Almost as retarded as your music itself.

    Reply

  19. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 10:40 pm | Permalink

    “Portland is the only city that has different kinds of bands playing on the same bill.”

    that’s whaty I f@cking hate about my city. not portland but may as well be. f@cking A. I want a situation I can play with a like minded band, not a F@cking “electronica folk indie band that plays with fiddles and tweaked speak and spells, and a casio keyboard.”

    ooh, creative!!!! kill me or ship me away plz.

    Reply

  20. badkharmala
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 10:55 pm | Permalink

    wow could that have any more srsly stupid quotables in those videos? like the beer drinking comment, like you give a shit? you’re just going to drink PBR anyway [which btw is the best selling american beer now!] or the bars/coffee shops? welcome to any college town, USA.

    i bet norris had to give a lot of tugs to get these interviews.

    Reply

  21. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 11:10 pm | Permalink

    “like, yeah, like, portland, is so cool.. like, everyone, is in , like a band, and we play, like house parties.”

    *PLAYS DISSONANT CHORDS AND SCREAMS INTO MICROPHONE*

    Reply

  22. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 11:14 pm | Permalink

    most of these people represent a dumber side of portland. people need to stop moving to portland, it’s annoying.

    and why don’t they talk about all the condos they’re building? i saw a shot of a condo when they were talking about how portland is “still growing” does still growing mean tearing down old buildings and making condos for rich yuppies?

    i heard they’re turning a condo that’s currently being produced into over priced apartments because there are too many condos and not enough people (that can afford them).

    portland is alright but it should stray away from indie rock and noise music a little more

    Reply

  23. sean Orr
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 11:18 pm | Permalink

    Vancouver BC

    Reply

  24. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 11:22 pm | Permalink

    p.s. portland was better five years ago.

    p.p.s. seattle still sucks more than portland.

    Reply

  25. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 11:24 pm | Permalink

    I LOVE CHILI’S

    Reply

  26. Anonymous
    Posted July 18, 2008 at 11:53 pm | Permalink

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
    jouteese.

    what a dumb fuck.

    Reply

  27. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 12:05 am | Permalink

    Looks like Mr Norris was living in tug paradise 2.1 in France

    Reply

  28. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 12:14 am | Permalink

    plz be positive and luv all of mankind charlez.

    i dont even know where in new york portland oregon is…can you include a map next time?

    Reply

  29. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 12:20 am | Permalink

    please post more meme

    Reply

  30. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 12:24 am | Permalink

    does this mean australia is winning the war?

    Reply

  31. Molly
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 1:10 am | Permalink

    I literally recognized people I know in both the portland one and the france one….How alt am I.

    Reply

  32. Adriano
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 1:20 am | Permalink

    Wait till they find out about Berlin.

    Reply

  33. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 1:32 am | Permalink

    FUCKIN KRAPPY FGGT JOHN NORRIS
    “JEW-STEESE” HAHAH FUCKIN’ MURK HIM

    Reply

  34. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 1:41 am | Permalink

    berlin = over (i hear that’s where peaches vacations)

    montreal = over (peaches doesn’t even go there to pee anymore)

    p-town = COME ON, people hate portland b/c people who live there are so self-centered. they don’t even know that there is a portland, maine (SRSLY, they dob’t)

    louisville kentucky = portland of the middle of US and A, but still kentucky

    vancouver = the only hope, especially when we all have the diabeetis and need kidney transplants and pancreas implants and u know the alt jobs in US and A don’t have bennies.

    Reply

  35. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 1:44 am | Permalink

    @ molly – um . . . not very alt? still?

    Reply

  36. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 2:00 am | Permalink

    MTV is just putting on the spin. portland is more on the alt side, but its not completely out of whack with any other city. theres still plety of mainstreamers. I live here and im on a knifes edge about if all the altness is annoying or not. im dont hump portlands reputation either, but then again i havent lived anywhere else.

    Reply

  37. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 2:08 am | Permalink

    you know what is funny? when you ask people from portland about people from aloha claiming to be from portland.

    Reply

  38. Z
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 2:20 am | Permalink

    i love it when people born in the 50s working for a channel that became irrelevant in the 90s interview random d-bags about scenes. more pls

    Reply

  39. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 2:35 am | Permalink

    JOHN NOR-ASS BECAME ONE DIRTY, UGLY, CREEPY FGGT!!! WTF HAPPENED TO HIM?! IS HE LIKE 60 NOW?!

    Reply

  40. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 2:40 am | Permalink

    @DJ JONESBIRD: i am stuck in louisiana too. how the fuck do we get out of here?

    Reply

  41. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 3:55 am | Permalink

    carles is just bitter bc he is from dallas.

    Reply

  42. nambla
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 4:02 am | Permalink

    john norris: he’d sell his soul to fuck a lil alt

    Reply

  43. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 4:24 am | Permalink

    well like justice is a french word, just pronounced like that

    also its funny when he says “we call it french touch” and the idiot mtv subtitle dude (can mainstreams not understand french accents???) writes FRENCH DUB…..isn’t there like 100000 ppl who work at mtv? shouldn’t one of them know that justice is not dub???

    Reply

  44. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 4:26 am | Permalink

    yeah, um JUST-ICE, is actually the anglizication of the french word, justice, pronounced, jewsteece.

    and yeah french dub is pretty wrong

    Reply

  45. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 4:54 am | Permalink

    POST MORE PICS OF VAMPIRES WITH BAD DYE JOBS, PLZ!

    Reply

  46. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 5:13 am | Permalink

    Portland gives me an absolute headache, more than Austin ever will. The perfect alt city has yet to be made and probably never will thanks to the electroWar.

    Reply

  47. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 5:47 am | Permalink

    Austin is the only place to live in TXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    *********************

    It’s so fucking hot here thoo adsofibweoviawhrovuaeriuvbaeiruhbaierugho983yg98yqp3924t8gpw2048u0309q303958nbp9438n

    Reply

  48. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 6:01 am | Permalink

    I thought Justice was cool until I saw someone dressed up as them for Halloween.

    Reply

  49. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 6:47 am | Permalink

    relevant authentic readable entry

    vgj

    Reply

  50. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 7:19 am | Permalink

    Portland was over 3 years ago.
    Austin = blechhh
    MTV is trying waaaay too hard.
    Its either gonna V BC or
    Seattle again.

    Reply

  51. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 7:54 am | Permalink

    crls is from texas this chick I smash knows his boyfriend

    Reply

  52. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 8:03 am | Permalink

    HRO is MTV!

    Reply

  53. peter costello
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 8:15 am | Permalink

    fucking worst comments ever

    seriously

    i dont even care about Portland

    BLOG ABOUT AUSTRALIA!

    Reply

  54. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 9:38 am | Permalink

    Yo i heard Carles is a bigot.

    Reply

  55. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 9:42 am | Permalink

    Word? I heard he was a clstdfggt from SoCal. Poor guy.

    Reply

  56. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 9:50 am | Permalink

    “like, yeah, like, portland, is so cool.. like, everyone, is in , like a band, and we play, like house parties.”

    *PLAYS DISSONANT CHORDS AND SCREAMS INTO MICROPHONE*

    Best comment so far. I don’t want an opinion of my own.. that’d be so fake. LOL

    Reply

  57. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 9:52 am | Permalink

    An excess of people in bands that have shows in an excess of venues

    How can you criticize this? There are too many people in bands, playing too many shows in these "alt cities"? TOO MANY SHOWS? I Thought this was a legitimate blog, but based on such self-loathing sentiments, it must be some fggt's lj.

    yr search for authentic authenticity shouldn't be so shallow. <3 u crls. Stop now.

    Reply

  58. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 9:59 am | Permalink

    i’m from portland and my feelings have been hurt. How can the blogosphere be so unkind?

    Reply

  59. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 10:00 am | Permalink

    YO!
    fuck the blogosphere!
    Nerds!

    Reply

  60. Robin
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 10:26 am | Permalink

    Menomena and Yacht are way down. and BURNSIDE SKATEPARK has MAD STREET CRED.

    Reply

  61. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 11:11 am | Permalink

    in august, they are gonna loose the last hope, and we can’t wait to have him in new york!

    Reply

  62. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 11:14 am | Permalink

    am i faggy?

    Reply

  63. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 11:39 am | Permalink

    i luv portland cuz its organic n not manufactured.

    Reply

  64. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 11:41 am | Permalink

    YES CARLES JOIN WITH US AUSTALIAN’S…. WE ARE THE NEW FRENCH WAVE….

    Reply

  65. blogapotamus
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 12:07 pm | Permalink

    “it’s basically like an artistic arena for everyone to just like, try new things.. it’s almost like a friendly competition”

    “you can be doing something super weird and people will congratulate you for your courage”

    is friendly competition what it’s all about crles?

    Reply

  66. u are just saying what everyone's thinking...
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 3:37 pm | Permalink

    CRLS you are blogging at the tender bloody heart of our darkest fears. (namely, that we all might just be regular people under all the krayzie glasses and clothes and if you took away our synthesizers and geetars and plastic cups of alt alkahawl we’d be the same as the mainstrmers we went to high school with who became lawyers and moved to alexandria, VA). that is why this comment spot is blowing up.

    KEEP BLOGGING THE TRUTH!!!!!!

    Reply

  67. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 3:49 pm | Permalink

    am i a faggy?

    Reply

  68. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 4:07 pm | Permalink

    Portland will always be Porkland. But Austin is pretty kewl because it has the highest proportion of kute girls of any American city. It also has a buttload of mainstreamers, which is good so that theres pple to beat up the alternative pple who become too gay.

    Reply

  69. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 6:34 pm | Permalink

    portland sucks, even austin is better but for those who don’t know Tempe is the new hotness

    Reply

  70. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 7:10 pm | Permalink

    this is bullshit, jous-teece, hahaha, and the song wasn’t inspired by michael jackson, it was an “aumage”, its actually inspired on a larry levan remix…

    i hate mtv and their gimmicky ways of hyping up old stuff to kids who spray their shorts when they watch an episode of tila tequila…

    Reply

  71. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 7:12 pm | Permalink

    I am from Portland, and it has been going on musicically since way before Colin Meloy moved here , it hasn’t changed, except that now most of the bands are not originally from here like they used to be…. it is still a great music scene…I can also tell you, that Starfucker is one of the very few bands in that video, that grew up in Portland . ( the only asshols you sometimes come across were definitely NOT born ad raised ).

    Reply

  72. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 7:24 pm | Permalink

    The pope is in australia HE must know what’s up!

    Reply

  73. IHATEURCITYBUTIDLOVEATUGJOB
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 7:31 pm | Permalink

    BIG CITIES
    THEY R S0 MNSTRM.
    move, FGGTS

    Reply

  74. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 8:15 pm | Permalink

    ive never heard of this portland is it in upstate NY?

    Reply

  75. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 9:17 pm | Permalink

    thanks for posting this these kids drive me fucking crazy.. how are minimum wage harbucks jobs and SHIT music good life aspirations “its like s00ooo liberal and all everybody is just having friendly co-existance of music and basement mold sickness while we get fat dont take showers drink 40s and chainsmoke cheap cigs”

    Reply

  76. Anonymous
    Posted July 19, 2008 at 11:24 pm | Permalink

    is the next alt city going to be from:

    a) South America
    b) Indonesia
    c) Antarctica
    d) Some European City That’s Been Alt/Mnstrm Forever

    u decide

    Reply

  77. Anonymous
    Posted July 20, 2008 at 12:32 am | Permalink

    Portland sucks. Bad. It’s so crunchy. I went there on tour for the first time about a month ago. I expected it to be so cool. But I just hated it. I met someone at a coffee shop who fits your ‘too many tattoos at a coffee shop’ description perfectly. He invited us to go on a naked bike ride. We said we had to play a show and then like 4 hours later we coincidentally ended up watching him ride naked down the street with 1,000 of his other crunchy friends; totally naked. We played a show at this total mod club (we are a folk/americana band) and everyone there looked like Rod Stewart and stared at us funny. I ran through some park with my friend the next day and got yelled at by d-bags driving by in a truck. Then we stopped into Trader Joe’s. I overheard someone in the next aisle talking about how they love shopping there because ‘everyone is on the same page.’ I’m staring at a Trader Joe’s right now. I’m in Boston. No one is on the same page here. The people we crashed with knew Sexton Blake though…which was pretty cool. Overall Portland was NOTHING AT ALL like I expected it to be. I won’t go back unless I have to.

    Reply

  78. Anonymous
    Posted July 20, 2008 at 3:07 am | Permalink

    south americans are like actually more alt than the altest places in the usa

    bogota buenos aires and mexico city are hella alt.

    in europe there is no mainstreamers so there is no such thing as alt, just smart ppl who arent happy enuff

    Reply

  79. Anonymous
    Posted July 20, 2008 at 3:39 am | Permalink

    crls i need help

    i like to consider myself alt but i study law at a mnstrm uni and have a pc desktop computer.

    i tried to be with an alt girl with short aggy haircut but got freeked out by her looking like a little boy and left her after one depressing tuggy.

    i listen ti guys like metronomy but im worried they’ll become mainstreem like me.

    when will LOTP get mainstream it seems like they just make expensive videos wearing weird tribal shit like mgmt and release singles but no one ever hears them except for on blogs

    Reply

  80. Anonymous
    Posted July 20, 2008 at 4:36 am | Permalink

    gainsville is the new austin

    Reply

    //////////Reply by jackie jormp-jomp
    //////////Posted

    @Anonymous, lol

    Reply

  81. Anonymous
    Posted July 20, 2008 at 4:49 am | Permalink

    Yeah i agree w/ the fact that the music alt scene is all one big mash potato all up in there,
    but common, at least austin is almost international. like holy eff, the same steve aoki that you have on your site goes there to party so don’t bash it too hard. And btw, you probably would love it if you lived in austin. Austin city limits, SXSW, those are probably what you dream about. And if you think austin is lame, look at your effing sight name. and if you ask, i dont know why i’m on your blog either. i bet you are some 15 year old in her bedroom doing things in between watching FUSE and MTV and ordering things off of Ebay and American Apparrel, and if the internet is well, maybe buy something nice at UO.
    congrats for being able to have a blog like most of america and practically all of asia.
    and btw. why are you such a creeper to asians?
    are you asian? either way thats weird. no asian calls white people cute, cuz they are all creepy for asians. anyone else feeling me?

    Reply

  82. Anonymous
    Posted July 20, 2008 at 5:11 am | Permalink

    hey stfu crls is beta then u

    no1 is feeling u

    Reply

  83. Anonymous
    Posted July 20, 2008 at 6:36 am | Permalink

    i live in austin. its for fggts.

    Reply

    //////////Reply by jackie jormp-jomp
    //////////Posted

    @Anonymous, thank god! <3 fggts.

    Reply

  84. Anonymous
    Posted July 20, 2008 at 5:05 pm | Permalink

    fuck mtv

    Reply

  85. Anonymous
    Posted July 20, 2008 at 5:43 pm | Permalink

    I cant believe you people waste your lives worrying about being “alt” or if a city is “alt” enough.
    Maybe the guy/girl at the shop with “too many tattoos” genuinely doesn’t care what you think and is in much happier state of mind because of it.

    I srsly hope this blog is meant to be taken ironically.

    Reply

  86. ironyisso2006
    Posted July 20, 2008 at 5:50 pm | Permalink

    A. I got 2 layz & dint read all the cmmts after #10 but u forgot how about the have extremely large Austin/Portland expat populations in brooklyn– where they all go once some of teh smarter kids get sick of smallsville scenecest, leaving behind the aging coffee shop shit job alts, etc

    B. portland/austin = that one website about stuff white ppl like, exaxtly. #1 & #2 city 2b whitie alt. but mayb portland has mor azns?

    Reply

  87. Anonymous
    Posted July 20, 2008 at 6:46 pm | Permalink

    “u are just saying what everyone’s thinking… said…
    CRLS you are blogging at the tender bloody heart of our darkest fears. (namely, that we all might just be regular people under all the krayzie glasses and clothes and if you took away our synthesizers and geetars and plastic cups of alt alkahawl we’d be the same as the mainstrmers we went to high school with who became lawyers and moved to alexandria, VA). that is why this comment spot is blowing up.

    KEEP BLOGGING THE TRUTH!!!!!!

    July 19, 2008 10:37 AM”

    ARE YOU A SOCIOLOGY MAJOR? WHY ARE YOU SO RIGHT?
    Maybe I’ll bow out of this alt-race while I’m still young, before I get anymore tattoos, before I’m convinced that using my art school degree to get a managerial position at an indie coffee shop is a good idea.

    In 30 years, I don’t want to look like FEMALE JOHN NORRIS. Mnstrmrs have it so easy. Could y’all give me a ride to the mall tomorrow?

    Reply

  88. Anonymous
    Posted July 21, 2008 at 1:08 am | Permalink

    who givz a fuk about what UUUU think about Portland? The only thing more boring than here is THAT.

    Reply

  89. Anonymous
    Posted July 21, 2008 at 6:27 am | Permalink

    I live in Portland and it’s fun!
    avoid
    pretentia!

    Reply

  90. Anonymous
    Posted July 21, 2008 at 7:49 am | Permalink

    I love living in Dallas.

    No “alt” BS to deal with.

    Reply

  91. Anonymous
    Posted July 21, 2008 at 6:02 pm | Permalink

    you forgot to mention all the fixie faggots. 91fixed.com lolz

    Reply

  92. Anonymous
    Posted July 21, 2008 at 8:43 pm | Permalink

    what are sum more citys

    Reply

  93. Anonymous
    Posted July 21, 2008 at 11:23 pm | Permalink

    WTF? Portland is fucking rad.

    Reply

  94. eggbert
    Posted July 23, 2008 at 4:09 am | Permalink

    Unfortunately, this video represents the typical Portland very, very well.

    But you can live in Portland and hate indie rock, not be a greeeen vegan, and not own a fixed gear.

    Such as me. I hate most of the artists in that video,(especially White Fang) I eat shitty meat everyday, I don’t give jack to the environment, and I drive my V6 around town all day yelling at bikers because the faggots act like they own the road.

    Fuck this video and fuck typical Portland.

    Reply

  95. Anonymous
    Posted July 23, 2008 at 7:54 am | Permalink

    @ above:

    you probably hate most of the artists in that video because they actually have gigs in portland and you do not. move the fuck outta our city and cry somewhere else.

    Reply

  96. Anonymous
    Posted July 23, 2008 at 6:58 pm | Permalink

    Yep. You Hate Portland. Please. Stay Away. Have fun in LA or NYC or whatever. I hate the fucks in that video too. Except that I love Portand and want twats like the ones featured in to video to die die die. Stay away from Portland. It sucks for you.

    Reply

  97. Anonymous
    Posted July 23, 2008 at 7:46 pm | Permalink

    plz don’t move to portland. it is awful just like these alts say.

    its so not alty enuff for you so don’t move here okay thnx

    Reply

  98. Anonymous
    Posted July 24, 2008 at 1:30 am | Permalink

    FUCKS WHO HATE PORTLAND, STAY AWAY.
    we like it here without you.
    PDXLOVE 24/7 SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY

    Reply

  99. Naimah
    Posted July 24, 2008 at 3:13 am | Permalink

    wentz actually admitted to being a fggt in this months OUT magazine……i couldn’t help but pick it up….i like boys who like boys!

    Reply

  100. ELECTRO VIENNA
    Posted July 24, 2008 at 6:21 am | Permalink

    Dear HIPSTER RUNOFF:
    I want to be a better alt. Should I move to a less interesting city? My friends don’t like my bangs.

    Reply

  101. Anonymous
    Posted August 28, 2008 at 9:39 pm | Permalink

    Austin definitely sucks. You should not come here. Ever.

    Reply

  102. anon
    Posted October 23, 2008 at 3:33 pm | Permalink

    id murder myself if i didnt live in a big city like l.a. i had to live it the fucking “i dont know how to describe it cause its too fake and shitty” salt lake city for rehab. where everyone is mormon and if your not your trying way to hard not to be :/

    Reply

  103. JM
    Posted November 4, 2008 at 4:17 am | Permalink

    You must really only be intune with a few generes of lifestyle, huh..
    Yep
    Portland Sucks, don’t visit, nothing there, stay where you are!!

    Reply

  104. dax jax
    Posted November 9, 2008 at 10:26 am | Permalink

    I like these longer, more thoughtful posts where your protective mask slips a little bit. Good analysis.

    Reply

  105. AuthentiCITYslicker
    Posted December 31, 2008 at 10:31 pm | Permalink

    i wish gideon yago was still alive
    ttlly has that free spirited name we all wish we had.

    After spending a semester abroad in Croatia, I think Zagreb is the only city with potential to become an ALT capital.
    Post-soviet slumping economy, low birth rate, and high death rate = no corporate interests, less consumers, and less old people.
    …so alt.

    Reply

  106. erika
    Posted January 1, 2009 at 12:27 pm | Permalink

    john norris IS alt. he was at pitchfork, drunk.

    Reply

  107. Chow Town
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 8:40 pm | Permalink

    evry1 in portland is stupid fags that just think they’re all kewl cause theyre alt city n mtv but rlly ppl in NY are da kewlist specially willmsburg so so so fukin cuul

    Reply

  108. not alt enough
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 11:22 pm | Permalink

    yay! i’m a stupid fag because i’m from portland and don’t intentionally misspell words in an attempt to try and look cool.

    Reply

  109. s
    Posted January 13, 2009 at 11:33 pm | Permalink

    I’ve lived here all my life. I love Portland. Please take the fuckwads that you hate back to where they came from. Cause I sure as shit don’t want em. Posers.

    Reply

  110. justin
    Posted January 17, 2009 at 7:49 pm | Permalink

    Hilarious. My band (Fist Fite) is actually in this video and I was in some ways disappointed with it as well. Mostly because of how it/we made Portland look so solipsistic. That’s partly the fault of what was said by the bands, and largely because of MTVs editing choices (I hope).

    I can only speak for myself and my close friends, if there’s one thing we’re good at, it’s not taking ourselves too seriously. You can choose to believe that or not. I know some of the bands here think they’re gods gift to music, but the same is true for any city or scene.

    I won’t defend the things about Portland that are lame. And trust me, there’s a lot to work with. Much like Carl, I enjoy writing, so pardon my exceptionally long response. I hope I avoid being overly defensive in tone about Portland, or conversely and more appropriately, overly critical about things I deem uncool, or shall we say ‘Uncarl’.

    Anyway, all MTV would ask about was the “scene” here. So they’re going to get what they want one way or another. Truth be told, there isn’t a cohesive scene, but there is an inordinate amount of music, per capita, happening here at the moment and it would be a horrible underestimation to assume it’s all white kids making “alt” music.
    Barf!
    Just because it wasn’t featured in a 10 MINUTE expose by MTV doesn’t mean it’s not here. It’s counterintuitive from the gate, unless, that is, you’re dumb enough to think MTV was comprehensive in it’s dipiction.
    Yeah, there’s not as many black people here as in New York.
    Duh.
    It’s Oregon.
    But you don’t actually believe there’s no black people or hip-hop here do you?
    I’ll be sure to tell the thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people in the ‘minority’ community here that people don’t believe in them and that they don’t exist because a self appointed authority on hipsterdom blogged about it on a site they’ve never even heard.

    I have know idea how or why they chose the bands that they did, and I’m not really worried about it. But I do think it’s hysterical that everyones panties are in a bunch over it. Haters don’t hate when the focus is on them and what THEY appreciate (carl:) And yes, I think emoticons are gay too.

    Despite MTV having almost zero musical content in as long as I can remember, and especially considering what little music they play is dictated by major label money, we were honored to be picked and happy to do it. Honestly, we didn’t mind the press, even if it WAS wrapped in a near propaganda film. Make no mistake. You wouldn’t either. And if you pretend that you’d turn down an interview with MTV, I think you’re lying to yourself.

    We actually thought about turning the interview down for several reasons, most of them silly, punk purist posturing, but we realized that’s just dumb. We (Fist Fite) make music for people to hear and because we have fun doing it. We have no aspirations to be successful, and I know very few people here who concern themselves with marketability. We just play what we like. But we’d have to be dumb to turn down free press on that level.

    We’re unsigned by CHOICE, so hearing from them at all was kind of a shock. Someone at MTV is still paying attention to music, instead dreaming up new shows about awkward, pubescent teens making fumbling attempts at sexuality. I find that somewhat refreshing (in a silver lining kind of way).

    Ask yourself who takes themselves too seriously. Someone who likes the city they live in and isn’t afraid to say so, or someone who blogs about his sensibilities being offended by them saying so. I suspect that Carl and the others who are so quick to hate just can’t relate to the pride we have in our city. Maybe your city sucks, I don’t know. No one can take away all the great stuff this city has going for it. Nice try though. I’m sure you’ll be a huge hit with the Vice Magazine crowd when they finally stop rejecting your op-ed column.

    Psshht. Just a joke. Humor above hubris!
    I honestly think the peanut gallery took this more seriously than Fist Fite did.

    I’ll leave you with two things you should know about Portland.

    - There are some REALLY great bands in this town. It’s just too bad they were mostly over-looked for whatever reason.

    - Portland is a beautiful place full of beautiful people. It just is. I’ve been all over this country, as well as abroad, and I still think Portland is one of the best cities in the world. You do too. You just aren’t ready to admit it.

    Have a nice day. I know I will!

    Reply

  111. cole
    Posted January 18, 2009 at 3:24 pm | Permalink

    ^gay^

    Reply

  112. kobera cumand
    Posted January 18, 2009 at 6:15 pm | Permalink

    i just finished reading this post and one of the things i found interesting about it is that it was from back in july.

    Reply

  113. Damian
    Posted February 26, 2009 at 6:10 pm | Permalink

    These opinions are ironic considering the hipster hater retard tone of this blog…you should move here tastemaker…you’d have a lot to talk about with the other insecure short sighted idiots that yr complaining about…Portland is great…it’s open…and it’s pretty…and a lot of other things that have nothing to do with hipsters that moved here five years ago…
    mwah!

    Reply

  114. Posted March 2, 2009 at 11:58 pm | Permalink

    “An apt an poignant analysis of modern alt propaganda.” yea, nice points though thanks for posting. I’m going to portland this weekend for the first time. But, do tell, what is one to do — seek a “non-alt” city and do “alt” things there? No one would care, and even if they did, you wouldn’t. I’d probably take the saccharine coating over nothing, it at least sometimes procreates the occasional authentic alt artifact.

    Reply

  115. anon
    Posted April 9, 2009 at 1:28 pm | Permalink

    _____ was _____er ______ years ago.

    Maybe it’s time to move to Cleveland.

    Reply

  116. anon
    Posted April 9, 2009 at 1:31 pm | Permalink

    also “i’m just searching for authentic authenticity” made my day. rofl.

    Reply

  117. patricio
    Posted August 10, 2009 at 12:11 pm | Permalink

    So much ‘fggt/gay’ homophobia on here. SO WEIRD. Do yall think that’s cool?

    Reply

  118. Steve
    Posted November 4, 2009 at 3:57 pm | Permalink

    no one evr talks about the environment and nature aspect of the city. before it was ever about music, the city revolved around the fact that we have more parks and natural spaces than any other city of the same size.

    Reply

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