Have yall read about how America doesn’t have any good artists n e more, and how we have to import our culture from France/the UK/Australia/Jappy-an/Scandinavia/Estonia in order to stay on the cutting edge of global alt status?
Fortunately, NME compiled a list of bands that have kept America c00l.
According to NME, these r 25 bands that r ‘making America cool again.’ I think they got some of them wrong.
HRO [EXCLUSIVE] BREAKDOWN
1 Vampire Weekend - is it Alt to hate them? or is it alt-er to transcend ‘hating them’? or is it alt-est to pretend you don’t really know who they are?
2 Lil Wayne - filling the quarterly demand for a rapper that it is [highly regarded] as being historically significant by white people who like to pretend that pop-rap is an important reflection on the social evolution of African Americans that they feel tolerant about ‘identifying with’
3 Glass Candy - a band making your electroblog authentic again/ 1 band with the #1 MILF in alt music
4 Kings Of Leon - I have heard 1.5 of their songs. They will probably be around forever and I will never give them a chance.
5 MGMT – Please direct your attention to this post about why uninteresting people think they are supposed to like MGMT.
6 Spank Rock - 1 post-post-ironic sex-core think-piece rapper. If I were a black person, I would h8 him for ‘making fun of us and thinking he is s00 smart/artsy.’
7 TV On The Radio - I think they would choose to be from another country if they had the opportunity, since it would make them ‘more authentic.’
8 Boy Crisis – with a name like that, they are probably going after the market of people who like to say ‘GIRL TALK’. But SRSLY…who is that?
9 Black Kids – 1 band that I will never learn the difference between them + The Cool Kids
10 Holy Ghost Revival -Is this HOLY GHOST! or some different band?
11 The Hold Steady - for some reason I think this band is from the emo-era of 2k0
12 Fleet Foxes - Am I not a good American if I haven’t bothered to look into finding a way to appreciate them? Does n e 1 know if they are meaningful? Or are they one of those post-2k8 semi-meaningful-authentic bands that probably should have come around in 2005 so they wouldn’t be cannibalized by blogs. (Being cannibalized by bl0gs only works for electro-ish artists, but they aren’t expecting to get paid.)
13 Amazing Baby - Have they been blggd abt? They might as well be a local band that I ignore.
14 Jay Reatard - He has an interesting name, but otherwise, I shouldn’t know who he is. Does n e 1 know if he is retarded IRL? Is that his stage gimmick?
15 HEALTH - I wonder what these concept bros are up to. Is there a HEALTH backlash after 2 many remixes?
16 The Cool Kids - 1 band that I will never learn the difference between them + The Black Kids
17 Black Lips - Do they sing the song about Hurricane Katrina? Are they one of those bands like NO AGE that sux, but ‘people appreciate them’?
18 Yo Majesty – With that kind of name, they are either an overweight black rapper, or a UK ‘highly regarded’ retro-ish band
19 White Denim - another band that high-end alts acclimate themselves to since GVB enjoys them. I <3 the power of the gorillvsbear. It’s cool because I have been GVBed, therefore, I am significant.
20 Telepathe - Sounds like they are from France.
21 Iglu & Hartly - Huh? They must have gone to high school with the magazine editor.
22 Chester French -Who?
23 Girl Talk – I wonder if he’d be bigger if he was from France/Japan? Based on the fact that he is on this list, it means that he is America’s #1 DJ. R u comfortable with that? I’d rather have him representing us in the DJ Olympics instead of some guido/eurotrash d-bag playing tacky thump-house music.
24 The Death Set – they probably have a ghey logo/ gheyer fans
25 Grace Jones - Is that the woman who looks like she is made out of plastic/used to be a mummy?
If NME really wanted to help rebuild America’s image, they should have written an article that declared ‘all other countries bl0w/r full of inauthentic ‘fggts’.’
I don’t even believe in ‘countries’ any more, yall. Borders = s0 2k7. I feel like we’re all just citizens of Blogville in the United States of the Alt-Internet. It doesn’t matter where n e 1 is even from… I just want a free mp3 and I want to see ‘the next big band’ more than 6 months before they are ‘big.’
America is fine. We just need to find a way to make sure that ________ ends up as the President. I heard he is going to lower the legal ______ age for entry level alts/lil alts. He will also pass an electro-tax that is meant to give money to myspace bands. They are also in talks to distribute a copy of Ableton Live to every single child in a public school.
If NME wants to help America get a better image, they need to start at the ground level. They need to get kids portable hypemachine players to replace their iPods/satellite radios. Our generation is lost. We just need to work for the future, and focus on alt-lectro education. That’s the only way to win THE WAR ON lofi/garage/cockrock/fggtcore/meaningfulcore/underwhelming-indie TERROR.
‘The only way to save our world is to Americanize it. Especially the brown-ish countries that believe in 2ManyGods.’
-HIPSTER RUNOFFS
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IAmCarles.com
79 Comments
Hint: the cool kids are black.
the black kids aren’t cool.
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//////////Reply by anthony
//////////Posted August 6th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
amazing reply…seriously
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“We just need to find a way to make sure that ________ ends up as the President.”
Stv K?
B.O.?
Thomas Bangalties?
RNLD SCHWRZNGR?
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carles for president yall
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most of these bands are boring garbage that no one with taste cares about. much like every other band nme writes about.
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carles, when u were fighting n the electro wars, did you evr h8 the other side?
or did u just “morally disagree” with them but did yr duty 2 your country n the wars nEways?
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wow…just wow.
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carles for president and steve aoki for vice-prezi. aoki will bring the kute AZN vote.
CARLES/AOKI ‘08
for a better alt future
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dj mom jeans !
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you do too know who the black kids are. theyre the ones who really really like pug dogs!
& haha, i think of GvB everytime i hear about white denim too. i think they have white denim themed sleepover parties a couple times a week with pillow fights.
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16 The Cool Kids – 1 band that I will never learn the difference between them + The Black Kids
Right?!
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Thank you for making more totally accurate points in piss-take on a list than most real lists make.
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what a fucking piece of shit post. are you 15? or just a moron. you’re “s00″ “post-post-ironic” and also “ghey.”
who talks this way? oh right, hipster doofuses – keep perpetuating that stereotype!
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what r doof-uses?
props on the s000 random may day pic. she was definitely the first blipster.
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death set are legit
i feel like the list missed a couple big ones, idk
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a few big ones as in grizzly bear?
Also does considering myself a fan of 7 of those, and knowing all but 3 of them make me ghey?
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black lips are shit
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“what a fucking piece of shit post. are you 15? or just a moron. you’re “s00″ “post-post-ironic” and also “ghey.”
who talks this way? oh right, hipster doofuses – keep perpetuating that stereotype!”
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y do NE bands still use vowels? S0 2k7 (or is it 6?) Whatevs. You can have ur consonants.
I’m gonna start a electo-bl0g-house-dance-post-rock band called AEIOU. And we’ll be bigger than Jesus AND Justice.
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genius. pure genius
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Bahahahaha Iglu & Hartly?
I know those bros. They are not alt.
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THE MOTHERFUCKING DEATH SET
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bloeit0-TIs
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fuck nme, that list is shit.
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i don’t kno about ‘meaningful’ or whtvr but the dude from fleet foxes has an amazing voice and that’s as good a reason as any to lend them an ear or 2… a better reason than them being on this fckin list, newayz.
hopefully yr not so ‘alt’ u can’t even appreciate good music regardless of what ‘nme’ sez about it (yall).
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boy crisis?!!! Really? REALLY???!!!!!!!
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U kn prbly hx ur iPhone n lk ttly pt a hypmchn plyr n it. If u wr rlly alt u wd hv dn tht by nw. *duh.
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How about Ariel Pink, Wale, Wold Parade, Dodos, No Age, Grouper, Kaki King.
Fuck it who am I kidding I like a lot of the bands listed. But its just some shit music magazines list I’m going to wait for Nylon to make a list.
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“22 Chester French -Who?”
- lol
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You are a complete idiot. At least try make some good points with your arguments.
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This post restored some of my faith in you, Carles.
But I do like quite a few of those bands, even if this list is Urban Outfitter’s employees’ typical music taste.
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lists suck
and nme has just proven they are more irrelevant than ever
half of the bands on there won’t get passed the second record…
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Hey carles stop visiting Hipster cough up and find your own bands to write about… have you even listened to the death set or did you just add it to the list because we plugged it. Fuck you carles, your a fag and I no longer support your site.
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carles, you make me want to start a non-profit to make kids more alt and stuff.
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carles-
this post has made me lose almost all respect for you. it’s time you realize that there are alts who like more than shitty electro and open up your musical tastes. You must be the aging clubber desperately grasping onto his youth.
its time you take an in-depth look at alts other than the alto-bros who like electro.
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Thomas bangaltypunk is the best FGGTBLGGR around here
Plagiarism-big in Y2K
Is WWE alt?
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i think i agree with altpunk because carles insulted bands he hadn’t heard of or listened to. making arguments off of pure ignorance is no way contributing to the music scene.
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thank you people now go check out a more positive and well rounded blog. http://www.hipstercoughup.com if your in a band… and want to be reviewed… we will never rip you a new asshole… we want to support the scene not fall into altbroification
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telepathe live was the worst experience of my life
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I think therefore I hate Kings of Leon…
Glass Candy is actually a legit band though, Johnny Jewel plays all the instruments and unlike all bands in the 2k8, doesn’t use a computer. and Ida is 2 sxyyy, saw her last night in those super alt spandex tights.. i had a hardon for the rest of the night… idk how i would combine the term alt w/ viagra.. someone more clever should think of one.
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but altpunk, u unoriginal run with the popular idea and make it gimmicky so you can have mainstream success, do you necessarily need to eat shit to know it came out of an ass??
most of these bands suck, nme is no different from mtv, they are experts in fitting everything into a tiny little box, and selling the bullshit to their 3rd grade reading level followers… they're the family guy of music mags, tasteless, annoying, and overly nonsensical… plus they don't brush their teeth…
ps -> crls this aa banner with the three guys with bulges man, is it strategically placed so we have to look at it??
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black lips – someone need to fngrbng their teenage mustache
black kids is good
kings of leon are mormon they dont count
dj mom jeans should have been there
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WHERE THE FUCK IS NO AGE.
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I think the black keys sound more like black kids.. although the comment earlier about the cool kids vs. black kids is funny. Are the black keys a wannabe BRMC? Kind of how The Black Kids are kind of like a wannabe Cure- the exploding boy???
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NME is still in love with the arctic monkeys?!
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dont hate on vampire weekend
i love them! and would sex them all.
yuuummy
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post made me lol
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strokes?
nme <333'z the strokes
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THE DEATH SET IS FROM BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA! too bad america.
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post more racism!!
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spot on old boi
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rite on, and it goes along with what you have been saying for years: its not relevant if its not french or australian!!
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i love how tv on the radio is canadian….boooyaaaa
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http://www.hipstercoughup.com
http://www.hipstercoughup.comwww.hipstercoughup.comwww.hipstercoughup.comwww.hipstercoughup.comwww.hipstercoughup.comwww.hipstercoughup.com
rulez
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bahahaha brilliant.
Although I have to admit that I do love Iglu & Hartly.
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The black seeds are from New Sealand, great band. If this list shoudl save America I vote Bush for President!
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altpunk and altpunk posting as anonymous:
your blog truly sucks.
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is it alt to laugh ? because i did…
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altpunk is the fucking worst. i laugh and laugh at his unremittant shitedom but it must hurt 4 u carles, having dickless there steal ur ideas then remorselessly piggyback off ur site. very very sad.
oh and altpunk. please learn the difference between YOUR and YOU’RE. christ.
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I like lots of these bands and DNT LSTN 2 ELKTR-BNGRS but oh CRLS u make me LOL like there's no tomorrow.
Let's get married and have beautiful ALT-CHLDRN.
<333
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i heard altpunk hxrd HRO back in march and has been tr0lling this blog to fuel his own spinoff.
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i heard altpunk is only in it for the money
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i heard altpunk is a FGGT
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HAHA
boy crisis!
i wanna sex the singer
the cute one
good grief guys it’s sarcasm i don’t think carles is coming on here to actually be serious
or is he…
it’s the altest of ways of all
the catch 22 we put in our thinking
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altpunk/anons who dont 'get' humor = bagz o' douche
"well rounded blog"–> lolzz where r u from, space? canada? the mid 90s?
(go back 2 summer camp)
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you’ve exhuasted the whole electro-war thing. no one actually like’s that shit anyway. its time for an in-depth analysis of other alt music and alt-types other than the altbro.
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aren’t the death set from australia? but claim to also be from baltimore and brooklyn?
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amen. electro war is over.
you lost.
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I fought the electro war and the electro war won.
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NME KNOW FUCKING SHIT
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I am really concerned about all the bitter disagreement over the issues going on in the alternative blogger scene. I guess this is the kind of thing one should expect in an electro recession. would some one PLZ wake me when september ends? K THX !
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<3 mgmt. the singer? 4 FNGRBNGS out of 4
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YUCK!
NME’S cover with that guy from VW looks fucking gross!
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Isn’t Grace Jones getting re-mummified in this era?
or is it NME’S new discovery of a new “band”?
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Carles, you are my hero.
-K
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BLACK LIPS SUCK
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Jay Reatard is worth blogging about, Carles. I was there when he punched that kid in the face in Toronto.
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Vampire Weekend At Bernies
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You know you could try LISTENING to some of this music. You might even find some really great local band but the downside is that it does require some taste so it could be a challenge.
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WHY IZINT FALLOUT BOI HURR?!
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I’m there with you 100% especially on the black/cool kids which confuses the hell out of me and Kings of Leon, a band I will never like or try to.
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