In the spirit of the Olympics, I figured I should try to find out who the world’s ALT-est athletes are. Athletes aren’t just people who play sports. They have personalities, too. While most are just the typical ass holes who probably just ‘listen to hiphop to get pumped up before games’, some athletes display that they exist in a different world than the rest of the cliched professional athlete fraternity.
I want to support the alt-est athletes in the world.
It might be Steve Nash and Thierry Henry.
But Steve Nash also has a bro-mance with Baron Davis.
It might be Cristiano Ronaldo since he is orange and has a fauxhawkmullet.
But Kobe Bryant drives a Delorean and grew up in Italy. That’s pretty authentic.
Fernando Valenzuela was significant to the Mexis/southern Californians. He was the first person to ever wear a Dodger cap.
Even David Beckham wears Dodger caps now
Is it alt to play American soccer + live in Los Angeles?
Dennis Rodman had a pretty krazie personal brand. He also banged Madonna.
Alex Rodriguez also banged Madonna. Does that make him alt?
Kerri Strug might be a lil alt.
Was Tonya Harding ALT before or after she got THICK? Is it okay to call mean people ‘fatties’?
Greg Louganis was GHEY and he hit his head on the diving board. That was around when people didn’t ‘get’ AIDs so it was kind of a big deal. Glad I live in educated, tolerant times.
Brian Boitano was also a GHEY Olympic icon. Wonder if China lets their athletes be ‘gay.’
Rafael Nadal wears capri pants.
Michael Phelps was pretty alt when he had his post-post-ironic mainstream moustache.
Without a moustache, he is just an awkward freak bodied boy.
What about NBA player Kyle Korver. He looks like a caveman had a baby with Ashton Kutcher.
Ron Artest is pretty zany!
Remember the time he was so alt that he attacked white people in the stands?
Barry Bonds is pretty authentic for using roids.
Mike Tyson got a sillie face tatty! Such a sillie, African-American personal brand!
Cuba Gooding Jr. won over the hearts of America when he was an athlete in that movie.
But the cast of the SANDLOT was pretty alt. They wore vintage clothing.
Remember that time Michael Vick raised all of those dogs to fight other dogs? He’s chillin in jail, makin friends and stuff.
<3 pet owners <3
pet owners = authentic
Sprinters with no legs are pretty meaningful-core. Pretty authentic.
I think this specific pair of Air Jordans are pretty alt.
No1 likes the Spurs and they are better than every1 else. Does that make them ‘hipster’ according to the commonly accepted definion?
The Williams Sisters are fashion icons. They used 2 cheat to let 1 another win.
WHO IS THE ALT-EST ATHLETE IN THE WORLD?
IS IT MAINSTREAM TO ‘ENJOY THE OLYMPICS’?
Do u care about ur country?
N e ways… how about the Opening Ceremonies? They were designed so well. I minored in performance art, so I genuinely appreciate stuff like that. 
What’s more important: sports or music?
Which industry will die first: sports or music?
When will people believe that they are entitled to ‘watching sports’ for free?
When will people believe that they are entitled to ‘experiencing music’ for free?
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IAmCarles.com
58 Comments
fat alt = falt?
<3
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communists IN SPACE!
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are unicycles less or more alt than fixed gears because they have less wheels?
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Watching sports is mnstrm…unless ur a cool dad who throws BBQz whenever the dodgers play on weekends…or your ghey, and only enjoy watching baseball/football for tite azzes in even titer pants…OR your a bear who only watches football for the Bears or baseball for the Cubs. GO CUBS!
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olympics ceremony= nu ravvvve
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all i know is that thedayafteryoudie.blogspot.com is very gay for steve nash
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4-ev-urrrr ?
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You are a fraud alt. You already asked this question in this post Titled, Rage Against The Bow Tie:
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/07/rage-against-bow-tie.html
And you basically jacked everyone else’s picks for the most alt althlete in this post. I was the one who came up with Fernando Valenzuela, that is why I remembered it.
Alt yourself before you wreck yourself.
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http://img360.imageshack.us/img360/4605/20051127nbaindianapaceryg6.jpg
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kelly slater?
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TOO LONG..
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This was enjoyable Carles. And I’m really feeling the porn stash appeal on Phelps’s stache. With it I want him, without it his ears are huge, but so are all of his limbs.
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Sports are so not alt that they will become alt in 2k8.10.
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dude its tough to find truly alt athletes, since they technically have to be straight edge and all… but possibly the altest one would have to be gary hall jr, who got arrested for possession a couple of weeks before sydney, then discovered he was diabetic, and still managed to tie for first place in his race with the guy that had 20 tats and 200 piercings…
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carles probs read the GQ article about bro-mance. hipster is a fine word to use, quotes are unnecessary. also, i am sorta getting sick of hipsters.
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Hilarious.
Watching sports = mnstrm
But the Olympics = ALT
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hipsters don't like the olympics because they don't support china. they "care about human rights" and try to make statements by wearing "free tibet" t-shirts. but they like to exploit children anyway because hipsters are notoriously hypocritical.
supporting your country is mnstrm. no one likes america anymore.
music > sports.
funnie post.
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amare stoudemere is blippppsterall day.. chris bosh , he makes viral videos
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wait, did they hold the olympics in outer space?
FUCK, THAT IS GENIUS
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Sports = mnstrm
rule of thumb: if it’s on broadcast television and not a public access station = mnstrm
also, sprinting w/o legs = alt, but also = cheating
Steve Nash is not alt, he’s wearing cargo shorts
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did you tag cristiano ronaldo specifically to connect with fags, or was it just part of the ongoing quest to have the longest tag list in all the blogosphere?
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SRSLY YOU GUYS, we gotta support our comrades on the American Olympix teems. Remember my comments about how capitalizm keeps us free (ya’ll)? There are 3 billion comunista AZN’s in the world who want our graphic design jobs/natural resources, so we gotta swim better and run faster and totally slam more dunks to keep them at bay. What if you lived in a country where expressing your political opinions on the hipsterrunoff was punishable by ‘re-education’ or even death?
ALT = SEPARATIST?
Can we make a ‘lawn sports’ event next time? I could prolly win bronze at Bocci Ball. I qualified 4 Badminton four yrs ago but I tested positive 4 ‘performance enhancing’ drugs and got sent home. Prsnlly I think athletes who has erectile dysfunktion should be able to get a little help with their bonerz, but the IOC disagrees.
:/
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Tonya became alt after she got coked up and beat the shit out of that other skater chick when she insulted Tanya LiLo leggings, or whatever shit went down.
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carles,
pfork has an interview with justice up. blg bout dat.
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att used the decemberists for an olympics commercial.
michael phelps almost cried when he got his medal.
is the ollies more meaningful-core than alt?
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There is no such thing as an althlete.
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after mtv, jous-teece is so 2k5
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Isaac Hayes more relevant than Treasure Fingers? Puhleeeeeze nigga…..
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forget the Beckies, Abel Xavier is/was Galaxy’s alt-iest alt
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PLEASE blog about the AT&T team USA soundtrack!!!!!
http://www.attblueroom.com/sports/teamusa/soundtrack/english/index.php
it has a lot of songs about "living strong" and "believing in yourself" and "fighting 2 win." obvz, u can download the whole thing as ringtones on your samsung pay-as-you-go phone.
but i want to know if you thought the bloghouse-o-sphere would ever collaborate on a music product to inspire the alt side of town/world. i mean, would that just miss the point? i think something could be done. don't WE deserve an olympic soundtrack?
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american soccer? pft, it’s FUTBOL ya dunce.
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anthony famiglietti is the best alt-lete. he has a beard and does a sport no one has heard of yet, the steeplechase. also i think he made a movie about himself.
http://www.runfam.com/
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Phelps’ porn-stache is alt, Mikey-boy is not.
The most alt athlete is Ryan Lochte. He’s got a fedora. And a grill.
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holy shit when did that happen to tonya harding? shes not doing celebrity boxing anymore??
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no such thing as alt athletes.
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this blog should die now!
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best hro cultural commentary ever/this month
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i don’t know who most of those jocks are, but it IS always nice to see Posh with hard nips.
…and sadly i think sports will prob outlast music considering that a couple of d-bag graphic designers are so ‘big’ and ‘influential’ in the ‘music’ biz these days.
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Longest post ever.
FR FUCKSAKES CARLES, HAVE YOU NO LIFE?
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Anonymous said…
“no such thing as alt athletes.”
- No way dude, what about Steve Prefontaine?? The dude was so alt he made his custom shoes for the races (now they’re shikestreams), was an obsessive alcoholic, never gave a fuck about the olympics, and still had the totally alt tache to boot… that bro was alt to the bone..
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carles your posts are rly loooong.
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http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2018/2512609264_0e6c6fe04e_o.jpg
Remember the little teeny bopper from a few weeks back! Is this her?
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in Australia they got the swim team to write and perform a song. that was pretty alt. good song too, in an ironic kinda way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NkrXmhfeic
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a co-worker saw Steve Nash at SANTO’S PARTY HOUSE here in NYC. Not sure if that makes Steve alt, because there is a well-documented hatred for that club among the alts I know.
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alt-lympics big in 2k8.11
First step: get ammy-appy to create alt uniforms and begin to sponsor little alts little leagues who “choose their own adventures”
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I know like ten people who rock those jordans… not alt
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Victoria’s nipples look kinda 75% alt in that pic
but not as alt as pngpngncklcegrl’s tts
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olympic volleyball is sexy as hell
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I was waiting for a bus yesterday and this alt gave props to an old AZN guy who was wearing a 1980Olympics dream team hockey shirt. Retro-Olympics-gear > current-Olympics-gear.
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i just watched the australian swim team vid.
IT MADE ME GHEY!
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I thought the olympicz were prty alt until I realised it wasn’t the American Appy team I had been rooting for.
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amazing post
I love the Olympics. And I love that render of the Chinese man in the space suit. That ceremony was out of control. It looks like WWIII over Beijing with all those fireworks.
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i overheard some d-bag on the bus say that the televised version of the opening ceremonies was ‘cool’ (apparently it took them a year to ‘film’ it and add the post prod effects).
do those ‘commies’ rlly think they can fool anyone other than their own peeps that their img is ‘flaw-less’ ?
”’blog more about lip syncing”’
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are you freakin’ serious!?
the first 2 dudes are not alt.
the black guy has cargo pants and the other Nikey’s.
sorry but ALT-ATHLETES don’t exist and having tattoos does not count.
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you know your football carles i think this is very good
thierry henry has nice clothes sometimes, but then a lot of the time wears clothes that his sponsors give him i think unfortunately
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Boyd Deveraux (hockey) has a label for limited-run EPs by noise and experimental bands. Don’t know if he has a record hat/helmet, though.
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BEST POST EVER.. CRLES YOU DID IT AGAIN
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LMAO..this made laff. I know Tim Duncan is ALT b/c he listens to metal…lol
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