[Photo by thecobrasnake]
A lot of people ask me if alternative males can be anything other than the traditional alternative bro (also commonly referred to as the altBro). There is a genre of alternative men who can be more douchebaggy than bro-ish. Instead of seeking the camraderie/tugs that altbros want, altBags are driven by money/status/altFame/other alternative ideals. AltBags no longer pride themselves in receiving the tugjobs of entrylevel alt girls who they accidentally end up in a 6-12 month relationship with. Altbags usually shape their personal brand around ‘being taken seriously’ as opposed to focusing on the pursuit of authenticity.
AltBags can usually leave their altBro status behind when they pursue ‘a better life’ (on various levels) and/or try to become an alternative entreprenuer, capitalizing off their local/global scenes. Most of the world’s most successful alternative entrepreneurs have ascended into AltBag status. Whether they are a designer, DJ, AZN DJ, party pic taker, or altWebMagazineBlog founder– the altBag personality type is sometimes necessary to have a mentally-tough personal brand to withstand the trials and tribulations of being a public figure. On the flipside, some altBags are solitary alts, with no circle of friends beyond His altDiva GF.
However, most altBags are not successful. Most altBags are the post-AltBros in your local scene who are very difficult to take seriously, even though they appear to be taking themselves very seriously. Usually, they dress like an alternative version of the Jonas Brothers, utilizing an array of plaid, fancy/vintagey jackets, and avoidance of anything that looks ‘too American Apparelly.’ They spend money on higher end clothes and/or take time to find [HIGHLY THRIFTED] clothes.
AltBags are more than just AltBros.
[Photo by thecobrasnake]
AltBags take themselves 100% seriously. Their personal brands will last forever. They are generally between ages 24-30, since it takes a certain level of maturity to be an AltBag. You must be at a point where you were kind of forced into taking your alternative existence seriously.
[photo by Lastnitesparty]
AltBags sometimes manage to find an aloof altDiva. They are both relatively disconnected from modern trends, but still manage to have an intimidating presence on their FB/Myspace profiles & in person.
[Photo by Lastnightspary]
AltBros could transition their personal brands back to being relatively mainstream. However, altBags are ALT4LIFE. This AltBag Blipster is Alt4Life. His personal brand is set 4 life.
[Photo by thecobrasnake]
Being an ALTBAG is not always an insult. Some of the world’s most successful alternative entrepreneurs can be classified as altBags. Mark “Cobrasnake” Hunter is a good example of how altBags are either 0% zany, or 100% authentic zany. AltBags cannot be contrived-zany-core.
[Photo by the selby]
There are numerous altBags featured in this video. The various AltBags in this video include a party pic bro, a promoter, and various DJs/musicians. These altBags are truly passionate about their scene. AltBags can sometimes have self-important concepts of their place in alternative society, which makes it difficult for the socially conscious to take them seriously.
[video may not be viewable in ur RSS reader]
Another great video example of an AltBag is the guy named JUAN from the Pitchfork.TV series “Juan’s Basement.” Basically, bands come to play in this bro’s basement, and he acts how you would expect an altBag to act if a buzzworthy band came to hang out. He establishes an authentic connection with the band, making it clear to observers that he is truly ‘down’ with the band by joking with them/being the bro who ‘is interested in them like no1 else is bc he is a true fan AND true friend.’
[video may not be viewable in ur RSS reader]
<3 busting balls <3
Do u know any altBags in your local scene? Have you ever encountered an alternative celebrity who acted like the biggest altBag? Are altBags driven to make money off alternative markets, without always ‘getting’ the alt zeitgeist? However, some of the most successful altBag entrepreneurs accidentally stumble into an ‘ironic niche’ where they took themselves so seriously that it was impossible to believe that they were being serious, creating a portal in which their brand was fun to follow/make fun of (a.k.a. BUZZWORTHY). Do u have any important qualifications to add to the definition of ALTBAG?
////Welcome to the altBag era!////
Loading ...
IAmCarles.com
64 Comments
is it true that altBags prefer hip hop?
Reply
i’m a chilisbag
Reply
I think Mark Cobrasnake is just a douche-bag, no need to put alt in front of bag for him.
Reply
LOL top altbag used to wrk at tsubi store paddington…now dating hot altcelebmodel gf DEFS IN CONTENTION FOR MOST ALT COUPLE
Reply
So, what yr saying is that any Alt-bro who’s making money off of other Alt-bros becomes an Alt-Bag?
Reply
Fag-hater. You don’t even mention that half the alts you show in pix are queers – they’re not after your stoopid altDivas. Gah. Get a life or something.
Reply
LOL, they are talking about balls in an interview! pitchfork is always one step above every other alt media source. they are so real.
Reply
what the fuck are you even talking about
Reply
crls this demographic really needed to be analysed and defined and you’ve done it well crlslsls
a++
Reply
why did kanye west keep coming to mind whilst i was reading this?
Reply
Does the ALTJuan realize he’s not in a basement?
Reply
AltBags are usually too old and ‘in it for the wrong reasons’
Reply
The black dude on his phone is David Zilber of Toronto. AltBag ftw.
luvu crls
xoxoxoxo
P.S. In the same cobrasnake ALTbum, there’s a fierce picture of pre-pubescent girls with double chins, peep that shit.
Reply
P.P.S. ALTbum is a trademarked, copywritten word… I will sue if you use it. Or maybe not if you send me a gift-certificate to a Chilli’s-esque place in Canada.
Reply
i’m glad my buddy robin (4th pic from top) has finally achieved altbagdom, it’s been his greatest wish for the past 26 years. does this make me an altbag by association?
Reply
shouldnt we all be majoring in biochemphysics or something? i dont think we actually do anything.=(
Reply
//////////Reply by Leigh
//////////Posted October 15th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
@Anonymous,
some of us do somethings… sometimes.
Reply
I like juan but he’s kind of a poser. but then again people who truly LOVE a band would be too nervous to interview them without making a fool of themselves. I kind of think the show started as a joke and not because he felt it would be “really cool if alt-bands came and played at my house”
and pitchfork is soooo late on every story. half their “news” they steal from local rags and blogs but at least you know if you missed something it will show up on pitchfork.
Reply
You must be at a point where you were kind of forced into taking your alternative existence seriously.You must be at a point where you were kind of forced into taking your alternative existence seriously.You must be at a point where you were kind of forced into taking your alternative existence seriously.You must be at a point where you were kind of forced into taking your alternative existence seriously.You must be at a point where you were kind of forced into taking your alternative existence seriously.You must be at a point where you were kind of forced into taking your alternative existence seriously.
Reply
what happened to the imeem playlist in the right collum?
i miss it like kreisy.
Reply
i knew i was too high brow to be an altbro. finally i have sub-sub-sub social category which truly defines who i am and recognizes the fact that my $600 shoes are what separates me from the common altbro.
ps. my gf wants to know can someone be so mainstream that they are actually alternative?
Reply
altbagism is not just for the blips and arian. its also for the spics
i know an entire community where altbags and scene sluts turn entrylevel alt sluts dwell. right in the asshole of la. EAST LA.
fuck the heist, fuck dance, hi-noize, dskotek, big nasty, and every other faggot lappy dj from eastlos with dreams of being the next big azn dj.
eat skeet yall
Reply
heir heir carles, you’ve truly done it again, first you give us altbros then you give us the altbags, your a modern day mencken…
Reply
CRLS, stop trying to make altbag happen! It’s not going to happen!
Reply
I’m def an altbag. I used to be a postironic hipster who thought admitting to being a hipster negated being a hipster. However, I now realize that in doing this I created the wormhole you described at the end of the entry, went through it, and came out as an altbag. It all makes sense now. Thank you! Now to recruit an altdiva. How hot is she allowed to be? Is she allowed to be somewhat defensive about Diablo Cody? Why are you cornering my existence with your labels?
Reply
typical altbag is on the 7 year plan at ur local community college/university. i think it’s important to add that their usually the ones checking ur id/taking ur money at ur local indie dance spot
Reply
like, russell brand
Reply
no, no, no mr 11:28. the altbag is the one planning/promoting/documenting the event at your local indie dance spot. the guy taking your money is just some albro hired by the altbag. altbags would also probably shun college altogether once they realize they can “live the dream” and make a living from parties.
Reply
ok, Marc “Cobrasnake” is a genuinely good person, so stop the theoretical hear/say commentary. There’s no need to hate on good people!
love,
Beckie
Reply
that’s a good point 11:55, I think there’s two sides to the altbag theory: i think ur referring to the small % who are the successful ‘it’ altbags, i was just referring to the less fortunate but much larger % who are of the failed/failing altbag variety…
Reply
Is HpstRnf going to get backlash from Pdstn after this post?
Reply
i just can’t believe i’m in hipster runoff! i’m so proud for real. i got a regional emmy nomination for the basement but i lost pretty hard, so this is officially the biggest and greatest thing that has happened ever.
Reply
CRLS WHY DOES TUMBLR GO TO RSS FEED NOW I DON’T WANT IT THAT WAY CHANGE IT BACK ALTBAG
Reply
sorry about yer luck juan!
Reply
hey crls you should write about altbros being altbags because they are the only ones seeking a meaningful and fulfilling existence in the little town from small town europe they live.
Seriously what about solitary alts that live where everyone is mnstrm and being an entry level american appy wearer sets you apart from the mass?
Reply
i know an altbag and most of his altbagginess comes from being president of the young democrats club at my university. he wears his v-necks with plaid shirts at the meetings and brags about his amazing music taste. i think being an overly out there democrat because it’s cool is definitely alt-baggy. ps i love obama
Reply
POST MOAR MOBY!!!
Reply
Does that black guy at 2:30 in the sloppy seconds video actually have the first official Hipster Runoff tshirt?
Reply
kaitlin you should go naked on lastnightsparty.
We need more altits.
Reply
i don’t think i’m feeling this label so much. if the ‘bag’ portion is derived from ‘douchebag’, well, i think the majority of alts/mnstrmrs are douchebags. so ‘bag’ can just be added to any of the amazing labels you’ve already come up with? isn’t the douchebag quality already inherent in maltstream/altbro etc.? i’m confused; i want to believe!!!
also, i think librarian cat ladies and people who presently live in 3rd world countries are probably the only authentic people who exist.
Reply
reading these comments I see that there is a lot of confusion arisng from the question, “what separates an altbro from an altbag?” Carles nailed it the 1st time; ALT4LIFE. the ultimate litmus test is, “what do these dudes look like when they go home to see mom and step/dad?” while the altbro may indulge in the extremities of altness at the occasional weekend party, those wayfarers, mockhawks, and rub on tattoos are no where to be found at the family dinner table…
Reply
i wish you got to the part where you described how insane it is to go through a breakup with one of these self-obsessed clowns
Reply
altBags seems to wear DEEP v necks.
on a side note, hamilton from the walkmen looks hella bloated
i don't <3 bloated altbros
Reply
haha i totally know the blipster dude.
word up toronto!
Reply
AltBags use 50s lingo: broads, tunes. They will not get a tugjob from just any altSlut. They are dicks 2 u and they know it and u luv it NEway
Reply
thnx s0 mch crlz for this post. you finlly answrd my quest for definng these d bagz. th0 i <3 the bangerz beaucoupz, i def prefer the institubez becuz they are all the great musix w/o the altBag attitude tht i feel the bangerz can give off…
Reply
“Are altBags driven to make money off alternative markets?”
If the answer is “yes,” isn’t Grrl Talk an altbag?
Reply
A RETURN TO FORM
THANK U KRLS
Reply
I demand a girl equivalent 4 AltBro/AltBag. Blog a blog 4 grls, carles!!!
Reply
I met Juan filming Deerhunter at the Market Hotel and he did seem pretty full of himself.
Reply
oh juan, you lil’ latch key fucker
Reply
this is funny, except I would consider the first photo (black tie) to be an altBro. The rest is totally understandable, but I think he looks as bro-ish as anyone in the altBro article.
Reply
Altbags listen to music from the 60-80’s because they appreciate music history. They can quote lyrics to suit any situation with precision and often do so to let you know that they know more about music history than you do. They like talking about books as much as possible, especially ones from the Beat Generation. They always think they are better at poetry than anyone else they know. They dream of “working at a bakery in New Zealand,” or traveling across the country via hitchhiking or train hopping or anyway particularly authentic. They enjoy reminding you that the true hipsters were white kids infatuated with black culture in the 50’s. They’re pretty damn good in bed on the rare occassion you can convince them that you’re authentic enough for them. They always have the newest technology–months before it gets published in an obscure design magazine. “Vice was cool back in 2000.” “Let’s listen to some bossa nova on vinyl.” “Fuck PBR.”
Reply
this phenomenon is far more diverse than the treatment it’s received here suggests. altbags are defined by highly specific configurations of practices; carles just mashes them all together.
7:40 aptly describes one subspecies of altbag, which I’ve generally referred to as the Kerouacian, a male who probably has a moustache and dresses like bob dylan with more plaid, reads henry miller, doesn’t listen to new music, doesn’t wear neon, and is usually a writer.
this variety is almost always anticapitalist, whereas the altbag described by carles i prefer to call the altrepreneur, because he is defined by the fact that he makes money off of being alt. thus he is older than most alts, but unlike the Kerouacian he has no problem with bloghouse or american apparel as his income/sex life actually depend on them.
there are certainly more varieties (and sub-varieties) to be proposed, let’s all affirm the heterogeneity of the altbag, because it’s something he’s quite proud of.
Reply
Atlanta is filled with entry level alts. That video with the sloppy seconds pretty much sums Atlanta’s scene up. Just a bunch of Alt virgins trying to show off their personal ’swag’.
Reply
what’s the girl/wommie version?
MilfAltBag? MaltBag? Bag… ?
they’re so hot and ‘intimidating’ (and can afford their own drinks).
Reply
um diff’rence between altBagginess and altBroishness?? R these terms interchangeable/peut etre the same thing?? Where do u draw the line????????? or do u..…………
Reply
all altBro’s from sydney are altBagzz in the same vein as Kanye west
Reply
this entry made me realize my ex is an altbag…and that really gave me closure on the break-up.
thanks carleS!!
Reply
…Cassie?
Reply
This is so inconsequential it’s like an ant fart. If you COULD smell it, it might stink.
Astonishingly lame.
Go back into the womb and re-start your life.
Reply
too funny.
i know the type.
Reply
when i first moved to brooklyn i was like ew why are there so many 35 year olds dressed like their 12 again…
Reply
haha, amazing, wait, my BF is in the second picture, does that make me an AltDiva? i wish!! haha
Reply
get hobbies, y’all..
or a 3rd/4th job if you must
don’t you hate yourself and the amount of time you and the other fucks you know waste on this SHIT?
get a tatoo. don’t.
listen to shite. don’t
live in fucking indochina. don’t
eat pork and other yummy stuff. don’t
live goes on with or without you.. as the world turns, fuckface
toodles
ps-if this is what happens when people stop reproducing….. shit.
and i can’t believe i just wasted 10 minutes of my life
Reply
2 Trackbacks
[...] until it was the guy across from me’s turn to go. i already figured this guy was in solid altbag/entry level alt territory, but he removed all doubt when he opened his [...]
[...] finally from Hipster Runoff, a totally hilarious look into the life of The Altbag aka “The Alternative Douchebag”. Can you spot one out in the wild? Friday, September [...]