I think most important trait in ‘being attracted 2 some1′ is your perception of their ATTAINABILITY FACTOR. Most people don’t believe they can have the hottest slice of ass, but they’ll settle for some one who has a defined personal brand with a little bit of humility.
Girls are looking for a guy with a little bit of humility and quirkiness in their personal brand. This is why they usually say that they ‘want some1 who can make them laugh’ when they are asked what they value the most. This is usually to compensate for their inherent hollowness which they spend the rest of their lives’ battling against.
Guys are looking for a girl who has a little bit of alt in her blood, looks like she puts out, and has a little bit of the ‘take home 2 mom’ kind of look. Guys are less picky, and ultimately looking for control.
I rlly h8 the class of mainstream celebrities who are ‘attainable’ and have been branded as being ‘alt’ and/or ’self-aware.’ 
Sometimes I wish comedies ‘weren’t funnie’ so that they would never be noticed and get to take their moderalt personal brands to the mainstream.
But srsly tho… Who authorized this movie unless the Academy Awards will be handing out an award for ‘The Film that was Most Deliberately Engineered to Take Advantage of Emerging Alt-Markets in our post-Juno,LilMissSunny&GardenState World.’
It has a lot of things that appeal to my unauthentic altLife, including:
- playing in a band
- altBros
- it has the word ‘playlist’ in the title, which I make 4 myself and 4 people I am about 2 date.
- the portrayal of our innerconflict surrounding the question “Should I be mainstream, alt, or maltstream?”
- playing in a crappy yet quirky band with ‘dreams’ of ‘making it’
- quirkie personalities
- New York City, yall. (should I move there or to Brooklyn?)
- attainable people of the opposite sex
- the opportunity to romanticize about ‘finding tru luv’ and ‘living in a city that lives inside of u’
- funnie-ness
N e ways. Should I see this, or should I just add JUNO to my Netflix queue?
Or should I just watch Pitchfork.tv’s new movie called Another altBro In The Wall?
Loading ...
IAmCarles.com
32 Comments
you know a scene is dead when hollywood goes and makes a movie about it.
WHERE DO WE GO NEXT?
Reply
FUCKING cinematic travesties. Worst is when I talk to friends from High School who are married/engaged/pregnant/working at Walgreens on the Blvd. who say GState and Juno are their favorite films. I mean, what films were directed toward our specific demographics in High School? This is a long-standing trend. I just think globalization and the interwebs coupled with us getting older makes this shit unbearable and even offensive.
Reply
nick and norah’s infinite lameness.
Reply
i saw this.
cnclsn: the only thing this and Juno have in common is michael cera
it is 100% mainstream.
it has:
bishop allen
devendra banhart
a quirky yellow vehicle
finger banging
it does not have:
the justices
blipsters
alt nips
cristy castles
uffie
shutter shades
conclusion: inauthentic alt
but mikey cera prbly gets tugged on the subway after its over.
Reply
hey yall, did anyone else notice that after so blatantly copying the same font as juno, the higher-alts finally changed it?
still quirky thO
Reply
so crls, im trying to decide whether or not it would be alt to add ‘the high places’ to my favourite musicians section of my facespaceangabook. they are from brooklyn and are obvi quirkie. ps have u herd the hawnay troof remix of ‘head spins’? is that alt? so confused, bro-monium (ion).
thx
Reply
i think i juno was one of the worst movies of all time. i only went b/c my mainstream friends dragged me along.
Reply
hi, how are you <3
Reply
whos the hottie on the left
Reply
WTF CRLS????
Juno?
mnstrmrs try 2 hard y’all.
Reply
poor mainstreamers. the problem is when alts go to these things and think their being post-ironic. fuck you 21st century, let’s go back to the 60s.
Reply
oh man, i knew i didn’t like this movie, i couldn’t figure out why. thank you for telling me.
Reply
is there a subliminal message/something hidden in the fatso’s shirt?
see frog…
Reply
that’s a daniel johnston shirt. back in the day it was a major sign of alt-ness, even for malstreamers like cobain (although, was MTV still alt then?).
@12:27 PM: I feel you on the post-ironic shit. is it acceptable to just watch good movies where the simple act of viewing them doesn’t carry more social weight than the film itself? i long for the 60’s as well…
Reply
it’s a fucking daniel johnston shirt. if you don’t know that you are obv not alt, fggt.
Reply
alt = american apparel = the new gap = mainstream. full circle! everyone is both and everything inbetween. problem solved! whipey!
Reply
Whoever listed the following as authentic alt is an idot:
“the justices
blipsters
alt nips
cristy castles
uffie
shutter shades”
Yuck.
Newsflash, y’all: http://www.adbusters.org/magazine/79/hipster.html
Reply
Justice is the new NSYNC and try-hard wannabe “hipsters” that dress like them for Halloween are the new teeny-boppers (i.e. completely devoid of ANY originality and alt-cred).
Reply
juno definitely wasn’t alt, but the girl could definitely give me a tug. she loses alt-points for being in such a mainstream movie, but did you ever see the tracey fragments? damn, you can almost catch a nip if you freeze frame.
Reply
i didn’t know fat kids could be alt
Reply
ally polly loggies
adbusters is so authentic.
Reply
Anonymous said…
i didn’t know fat kids could be alt
*Fat kids can’t be alt…ammie appz don’t make clothes for fat people…maybe that’s their little way of saying “stop eating soo much mcdonalds you dirty little mnstrm piggy.”
PS- who’s the dooshe who posted the adbusters link. SOO playedout.
Reply
lets make our own “alt movie”
Reply
u need 2 b less 'combative' w/ ur wryting. u need to 'muse' more.
i.e., "Who authorized this movie unless the Academy Awards will be handing out an award for 'The Film that was Most Deliberately Engineered to Take Advantage of Emerging Alt-Markets in our post-Juno,LilMissSunny&GardenState World.'"
Reply
fuck this fucking movie
Reply
i saw this movie last week at a free screening. not worth my time. worse than juno if that’s possible.
Reply
@9:56
Ironic and artsy black metal is the way.
Reply
I <3/h8 michael cera.
Reply
going to see N&NIP(Nick and Noah's infinate symbol)of alt playlists that try to hard tonight… advancies on the tix
Reply
Jonah needs a new t-shirt to express his indie cred. He’s been using that one for too long, and its starting to look like a cry for help.
Reply
carles, please discuss the question of whether endearing ugliness augments authenticity
Reply
Howdy Community
just watching this lush arse Shaking vid on youtube…
check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsoHCukkeUo
May you can share something similar.
happy watching
mastablubba
Reply