HIPSTER RUNOFF

[Photo via StoneyRoads]

So there I was. At my first music festival. After my most recent personal brand installation (AltBro Version 1.1). Not gonna lie--I was jacked up (on Sparks + 5HourEnergy). I was ready for electrobangers, meaningful crowd surfing on rafts, and just being myself--being free. I downloaded a bunch of free mp3s from my favourite discobloghouse blogs, and I was able to identify every single song in every single DJ set before any of my alternative peers. I am one of the world's leading scholars on the history of electro after 2k7.  Have yall heard of the internet site hypemachines?

I am at a festival. There are tons of interesting people here looking to have a good time.

My experience will be meaningful. I am an active participant in relevant cultural activities. I am an alternative brother. The keyword is brother. I am a part of a family. I am a part of something bigger than myself. My alternative family 'gets' me. Our alternative context gives us a way to evaluate & appreciate the world around us.

Alternative Brother. I am. AltBro is I.

XX BONUS CURRENT AFFAIRS COMMENTARY XX
yall are probably familiar with Heartrevolution through either their band/ice cream truck/lifestyle brand.

Kinda hope it drives through my alternative neighborhood on Halloween so I don't have to go trick or treating to hunt-and-gather food 4 the next month.

IS n e 1 else worried about their lil 'truck of treats' melting?

Remember before the 'financial crisis' when people were worried about 'global warming'? Kinda glad this 'financial collapse' happened cuz I can relate to it on an authentic level, instead of an 'abstract' 'concept' like the 'ice caps' 'melting.' Nvr rlly believed in globes warmsing.