HIPSTER RUNOFF

I never thought it would happen to me. I never thought I would become a prisoner of war in one of the first battles of the ElectroWar--the Battle of the Grey Goose River. We were part of an American contingent that allied with the European Electro Coalition (who had rallied around the French after a group of Australis assassinated the Daft Punks).

My name is Stephen. Not my birthname, but my Americanized stage name. This is my story.

Life in the electroPrisonCamp was difficult. We were given one meal a day, which consisted of a SXSWSTRN eggroll and an 8 oz mini can of Bud Light. We were tortured every day. They forced us to give up secrets, particularly about the technology we used to make bangers, and what popular beat matching software existed in our part of the world. They also demanded to know how we 'learned how to make filters that sounded eggzackly like Daft Punk's.'

We quickly learned that the Australian ElectroJihaadists were planning a terrorist attack on a weekly party in Tulsa, Oklahoma. There was no way of letting them know that the worst was yet to come [via hiptop/sent from my iPhone/sent from my AT&T wireless device]. They confiscated our mobile devices and laptops, which were sent to labs to extract data from.

I'll never forget the my best friends in Prison. There was a set of masked DJs and an electroDiva who was prone to nipslips. We did our best to make it from day to day, being held in underwater cages. We were even forced to play Russian roulette against one another. One time one of them died. Was kinda sad, but was kinda happy that it wasn't me.

N e ways, years after the War ended, we were released from the Prison Camp. The people who ran the prison camp were actually not affiliated with the Australian ElectroForces, and just kept their prison camp alive to maintain some form of 'control' over their lives' and others. Kinda sad, but what any trivial ElectroProducer would probably do.

Now we are left 2 find out who we are in a p0st-electroWar world. I am a veteran now. I question the whole direction of my life, and wonder how the horrors of war have changed my outlook on life. I will make a movie about adjusting to post-ElectroWar Life starring Tom Cruise as me.

(I am also in a wheel chair and will grow a CrazyDisgruntledVeteranBeard and become an anti-Electro Music Activist).

[Prison photo by The Prison Photo Snake]

XX BONUS PICTURE XX
Here is how the photo will look after it is run through an aging filter to make it look more authentic/'representative of pain & suffering that is associated with old photos from War.'