ALTBRO or ALTBAG is an HRO gimmick where I find pix of alternative males. Readers then must decide if the person pictured is an altBro or an altBag.
Please justify your answer in your response in order to receive 20 HRO points.
For example: “He is an altbag bc his moustache is authentic and altBros can’t grow facial hair.”
or “he is an altBro who is trying 2 b progressive by wearing a denim jacket.”
or “CRLS…r u blind? he is obvi a cool dad.”
[Photo by DamStyle]
What do u think?
“Make sure u make ur vote count. Ur unique voice/opinion is important.”
-The Election Thingy
Doesn’t that Alt resemble Jason Lee, yall? Luv getting buzzed and watching NBC comediez.
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IAmCarles.com
43 Comments
ALT BAG! He’s wearing mittens and a boner to match!
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ALT BRO! He’s wearing mittens and a boner to match!
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Yo Vote Dont Count!
Sorry
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cool dad
that package has surely spawned some lil alts
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altbag
he’s wearing a fucking backpack
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//////////Reply by goober
//////////Posted November 2nd, 2008 at 10:38 pm
@p, could be a parachute?
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altbarfbag
i’d throw up on him
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AltBag – for the backpack and because he didn’t tuck his peen so I couldn’t see it through his pants.
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altbro because you can see his peen! he’s anticipating a tuggle!
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Alt bag, he doesn’t have a hat on
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i agree with the non-hat argument. crls stealin my highly irreverent HRO point system??
crls – 46 HRO points for pullin a crystal coconuts ripoff
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he’s neither.
that’s jason shwartzman
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//////////Reply by cc
//////////Posted November 2nd, 2008 at 11:04 pm
@so meblipster,
+3 feet
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he’s not alt to begin with!
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//////////Reply by Georgia O'Keeffe
//////////Posted November 2nd, 2008 at 11:22 pm
@jackie,
if he isnt alt, then isnt he just a bag for attempting to be alt? an alt bro shouldnt even be alt, for there are not bags that are alt, just bros. peace y’all
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His penis is large. That is all.
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AltBag. He is definitely Canadian but want to “dress down” his Canadian tuxedo for his weekend in Philly/ NYC/ Boston where he’s looking for “inspiration” for his upcoming article in the Canadian equivalent of the New Yorker. He is on the staff as a writer/ editor at Le Quebecer.
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i wish men wore pants/had a noticeable bulge like that in virginia..
but they don’t & it sucks..
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cool dad. he’s wearin a watch. gotta pick his human accessories from guitar lessons on time.
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altbag:
1. trying desperately not to be fashionable
2. slim slacks
3. self aware shoes
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he is a jason shwarz-mann. bag and bro united as 1.
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altbag
he lives in a mansion and dresses like he’s waiting to catch the shortbus to skool
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MY NAME IS ALT
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brobag
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i am an alt professional bro and i cant grow facial hair at all as stated above. this looks like jfk in college.
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and no not james fucking kennedy for all of you ntry lvls
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ALTbag – the blue gloves let you know that this is not *just a phase* or a *way to met girls/get tugs*. No this is a *permanent lifestyle choice*. He will be wearing this outfit when he is 50 years old.
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//////////Reply by DiabetesAlt
//////////Posted November 3rd, 2008 at 12:17 pm
@need u 2, Totally agree. However, his personal brand is sublimeley positioned to be transitioned into being a cool dad, which basically means there’s no real reason to scorn him. Plus, only a fully formed altbag is confident enough to do flat blue+neutrals. He’s even gotten past the lingering altbro tendancy to put a band pin on his jacket. This is the guy all RyanAdamsAltbags should aspire to become by the time the MNSTRM friends they left in their hometowns start getting married.
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altbros wear sweet parachutes
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altbro because i can see his pkg and he has a dadstache. doable.
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his p-brand obvi can’t pic up even entry lvl alts so he can’t be an alt bro.
He must be an entry lvl alt bag:
*entry level american appy ’skinny jeans’
*color coordinated back pack to said pants
*retro circa 2k6-7 mustache
*ked (knock offs????) shoes
*chubby/DEF not skinny enuf 4 his p-brand
*blue gloves, shrit, shoes, jacket = omg s0 zany!!1! NOT
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//////////Reply by caswell
//////////Posted November 3rd, 2008 at 1:02 pm
@THACHTER, chubby? rlly? i would say he is “a healthy eater”
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//////////Reply by THACHTER
//////////Posted November 3rd, 2008 at 1:16 pm
@caswell, well cassy, obvi u dont have high alt-thentic standards. in the alt world everything above a 28 or 29 inch waist is fatso. prlly not enuf ‘caine if u know what i mean. but maybe ‘big bones’ r in this winter season?
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hahaha.. his altbagpack is a giveaway.. haha..
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he is an altbag bc his lifestyle doesn’t include hats bc his head is 2 precious to b hiddenn
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altbag. he dresses like a small child dressed by his mother is the 70s, yet has the facial hair of a 50 year old rapist. the core of irony.
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altbag
- Trying to look like Ryan Gosling in ‘Lars and the Real Girl’
FGGTTTTTTTTTTTT
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//////////Reply by The Man in the Hat
//////////Posted November 9th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
@anonymous,
mossss def.
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he has huge ballz
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if he’s a cool dad, id hit it. i’ve alway wanted to be a ‘home wrecker.’
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ALTBROner
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I’m gonna say altbro just 2 b differnt.
& his package turns me on.
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Ya know, he could possibly be a post-ironic alt bro. Y’know like someone who, 4 years back, grew a stache and bought a bunch of thrift store stuff but now has a job as a graphic designer at some well respected company. Now he’s out of the ’scene’ and ‘makes hella cheese’ so he can work on his true passion/dreamz. I actually think his look is working for him…just ironic enough + clean cut enough….but none the less, still an altbag :o/
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clearly an altbro. his outfit sends mixed messages but his expression says that he’s ready to take on the world in a meaningful way
expressions are the true indicator!!
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you know i honestly wasnt looking at his crotch, nor do i look in that area when i analyze a picture. thank you cmmntrs, h8 u.
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//////////Reply by occultjam
//////////Posted November 4th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
@Anonymous,
well, it’s not kielbasa, but it’s certainly the first thing i noticed.
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AltBro – On account of he looks like the bastard bro of Jason Schwartzmankopf and Jason Leee
I hrt HRO
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If this guy had carburetor grease under his nails, he’d look like the big kids I was scared of in 1978. Except for the belt; that’s something of an anomaly.
I think I’ve seen the next evolutionary step beyond “altbros” and “altbags”. You could call it “douchebros ” and “douchebags”. A douchebro is something like a fraternity brother at a large state school. A douchebag is just a dominant member of that group–Tom Cruise in “Risky Business” basically.
Are alts going to start working out, playing high-school sports and majoring in prelaw?
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Def kool dad, cause the bagpack is ACUTALLY one of his carbon copies, and he spendz 2 mch time converting beta tape to dvd [using, iDvd, durhs?] so his kds can “appreci8″ the origins of cartoons.
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See, I was gonna go for MNSTRMbag because of the uncanny resemblance to my name is earl, but Carles effing took my joke before I even got to the comments section.
Thanks Carles.
U Bstrd.
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ALTBAG due to the fact that he’s wearing a denim suit without a tie!
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