I’m gonna start doin some new gimmicks where I give u an unpredictable situation, and u have 2 do ur best to ‘get out of it.’ These are real life situations that u will encounter throughout ur alternative life.
Case: My AltBro is Having a Bad Trip/drank 2 many Sparks
[Photo by thefriendattack]
If your altBro drank a spoiled Sparks/took too many shroomies/rode the horse, what would u do?
Would u
a) be ashamed of him and ‘ditch him’ even tho he is ur bro
b) tend to him, making sure he ‘didn’t get kicked out of the venue.’
c) join him and try 2 get as fcked up as him
If ur bro got kicked out of the venue and had no way 2 get home, u would
a) worry about it 2morrow. not gonna let him ruin ur night
b) drive him back to his dorm room in your Prius, then spend a night online having meaningful conversations
c) try 2 go somewhere new and get fckd up with him
If ur ‘drugged up’ bro ‘got in trouble for grindin on a mainstreamBro’s entrylevel alt GF’, u would:
a) let him get his lil alt ass kicked
b) ’stand up for him’ even though the mainstreamer goes 2 the gym a lot/drinks muscle milk + wears crombie&fitchers
c) roll up an acid paper, put it in ur peen hole, and then try 2 get the girl 2 tug u
if ur bro died, would u
a) burn his body
b) dump his body on ‘the poor side of town.’
c) eat his body
d) call his parents from his cell phone and pretend u r a homeless man who just killed him
Life is hard sometimes. U go out, and people don’t ‘know their limits’/'how to have authentic fun.’ It’s not their fault–they just need some1 like u 2 show them how 2 have authentic fun. Sometimes life isn’t just abt ‘getting fucked up.’ U often lose out on ur opportunity 4 authentic connections when u r 2 belligerent. Know when 2 get buzzed (most nites) and when 2 get ‘ttly fckd up’ (when an altCeleb comes 2 town). Know urself. B a ’self-aware’ partier, yall.
Also, check the expiration date on SPARKS cans.
Don’t ruin the nites of other people in ur social circle cuz they have 2 ‘baby sit’ u.
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17 Comments
ive been that guy. but, he doesn’t really look like a bro. eNEweighz, i’d eat his body. im a survivalist-alt.
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okay so my altbro’s mom is the oldest alt mom alive and is always trying to hang and shelf acid with us, she outdoes my altbro. Should I;
A. Get a new altbro that can out do his mom.
B. Do his Mom?
Or C. Just finger bang her and leave acid in her for laterz?
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survivalist-alt as well…
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peen hole?
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i love this gimmick
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I’d go home and think real hard and come up with another hairlarious post for my awesome blog. It’d be chock full of hilarious irony and I’d try to use the word “meta” in there a whole bunch so people knew I was just being an idiot, but had thought first about being an idiot.
I’d choose a shit font and some crap HTML design, too. Then I’d roll back on my shoulders, shit into my own mouth, and get to work on my next excellent post.
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//////////Reply by anony
//////////Posted November 17th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
@KANYE GLASSES 4EVER!, You should have a blog.
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//////////Reply by KANYE GLASSES 4EVER!
//////////Posted November 17th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
@anony,
Oh, but there’s this awesome blog, and I want to do my part to keep it awesome.
Failing that, I have every intention of hunting down its author and shitting in his eyes.
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CYOA??????????????????
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Are we talking about me the guy in the white shirt? or the fucked up guy in front of me with the blue shirt on, I was not high, or drunk at all in this picture hahaha
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It really depends entirely on the situation/drug. Don’t do psychedelics in public, don’t let others do psychedelics in public. I usually keep the niacin and xanax at home so I think your gona be pretty fucked. You get one, thats ONE drunk card to use and thats it…. no one forced you to drink so fuckin much you passed out. I have very little patience for people who can’t control their buzz. You should also know if your a “weed person” or not before I break out my always decent stash but you have only smoked shit and your under the mistaken impression that I flew it in from Amsterdam. Again, I’m not making anyone take a hit that doesn’t want to. Don’t go sit in the corner with the freak eye and tell me how strong that stuff was. Now if your up front and you tell me ahead of time that you haven’t used many drugs then I will be more than happy to babysit you at the appropriate time but let me know BEFORE your fucked up… that is all.
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//////////Reply by caswell
//////////Posted November 17th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
@anony, the freak eye hahahaha
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//////////Reply by noltbro
//////////Posted November 17th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
@anony,
see this
thats the space that should been in that long rambling, run on, post of yours.
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great post, made me laugh, good job!
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p.s. i take psychedelics and walk around in public sometimes. its not that ad, just gotta know what your getting into.
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i have a pretty low tolerance for that bullshit. getting buzzed is fun, but if you can’t control it every time you go out then you cannot be part of my posse. however if everyone else is getting t0tallie fcked (about 80% of the room/house/floor) then it is acceptable to become a mess yourself.
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Joose is the new sparks, get with it ALTBRO
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sooooo funne…its like reading those ‘choose ur own adventure’ books
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crls y the conservative stance on wildn out? HOW OLD R U RLLy? not taking every possible opportunity to push the limits of sustaining ur ‘i DO lyk myself’ economy solely in your head towards glorious freedom from the constraints found in every society which involves real alive people WHO R HOT WIRED 2 COMPETE 4 KEEPS who plague even this newfangled sftware patch on the counter culture too much 4 comfort?? gosh thats no way to inspire harmony K to make his/her nxt CULT classic about someone like u/ ur hometown and the meaning of life?
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//////////Reply by mstrcnt
//////////Posted November 18th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
@sinister_eyebrowz, u sound like a daft punk robot on cocaine
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I while back ago I bitched about how trite and played-out this blog was. Now I feel stupid luv ya crls
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doing shrooms around lots of people is a BAD BAD idea.
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