What happens when an altBro grows up?
If yall are familiar with high end AltBro theory, then u will know that altBros are typically destined to die alone. AltBros can either ’stay alt’ their whole lives since they can’t hold down GFs bc no altBro is special enough for any girl to ’settle down with’ for more than consecutive weekends for two months.
An AltBro’s alternative essence can live as long as he wants, but he will be alone (spiritually and physically) for over 95% of his lifetime. (The few moments of tug may give him enough hope to want to stay alt forever). His wardrobe might stay the same, or it might tweak into an ‘alternative business casual + receding hairline’, but the altBro will die alone.
An altBro will never become a Cool Dad without ditching his careless altBro mindset. An altBro is not willing to sacrifice his hard earned money to buy essentials for his son/daughter. He is also not mature enough to
If an altBro hasn’t transitioned into an altBag by age 27 (or his 6th year of undergrad), then he needs to seriously consider retiring his alternative ways and searching for meaning [via mainstream relationship]. If you’re a worried altBro, just enjoy your time, but know that there are critical decisions ahead of you. Know that you need to differentiate before it’s too late.
[Photo by TheBrobrasnake]
I am just an altBro. I am not ready for a relationship. I am not ready for responsibility.
I am ready for the weekend. I am ready for my favourite blog 2 update.
[photo by thefriendattack]
Read more altbro theory
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/t/alternative-bros
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IAmCarles.com
16 Comments
uh. i think i’m wearing the same sweater that guy is wearing… except green and grey stripes… heh
… and it’s my nonboyfriend’s emphasis on the non… because clearly “no altBro is special enough for any girl to ’settle down with’ for more than consecutive weekends for two months.”
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Case in point: Richie Panic.
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Are you sure that’s not the “Sexiest altBro Alive?”
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igree. i think all altbros are at one point faced to make a decision. do i continue down the party road of tugs and drugs? or do i transfer my alt-pwr into becoming something greater than a country like Cuba, by having the operation and becomin an altBag? see CLRS claims that altbros cant have relationships that last more thn 2 weeks, so if you maintain for long enough does that mean ur automatically switched to bein a bag? i workin on the old testeement of the alt-alt-society bible, hopefully i can get a blipster to take all the blame for the mnstrm crossover. but really, its all isaac brocks fault. him and his cake.
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//////////Reply by altb@g.com
//////////Posted November 16th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
@CRIPster,
i love cake.
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//////////Reply by Bantatstic
//////////Posted November 17th, 2008 at 11:12 am
@CRIPster, blasFEM-y Hallowed be brocks name…….LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SPARKS PLAY THE FIRST STADIUM!….I’m thinking about tattooing the inside of my lip. any ideas?
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//////////Reply by CRIPster
//////////Posted November 17th, 2008 at 11:30 am
@Bantatstic, get “houdini couldn’t do it, how can i?’
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<3 realizing the sad aspects of your alternative existence <3
feelin a little sad means feelin alive!
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Thats depressing carles… write less depressing shit because you should know by now that that most alts are secretly depressed but cover it up by being snaky and going to parties and pretending to “not give a shit”. sometimes the occasional moment of authenticity comes along and reminds us that things could be a lot worse but it’s fleeting…. that and turning 30. the alt lobbyists should work towards passing a law making it impossible for alts to turn 30.
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THIS AGE SHIT KILLSSSSSSSSS ME IT IS TRULY DPRSNG GITTIN OLDERRRRRR 30 SEEMS LIKE DEATHHH I JUS KINNA WANTA DO YAY GET RANDOM TUGSSSSSSSSSSS CUT HAIR -TO PAY 4 YAY N HELP PERSUDE BIRDS BUMP MEANGLESS ELECTRO KILL GOOD BREW W/ BROS ALL WHILE WEARING TIGHTMUTHAFUKIN JEANSSSSSSSS.FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK AGE.
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//////////Reply by childpred
//////////Posted November 17th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
@jonnypure,
you have three trips to rehab sponsored by your freespirited parents before you have to give up the dream.
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God is the oldest altBro
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//////////Reply by avid_ajaxx
//////////Posted November 16th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
@BrooklynBlipster, god is an alt_bag
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//////////Reply by altd00d
//////////Posted November 17th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
@avid_ajaxx, /cosign
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//////////Reply by BrooklynBlipster
//////////Posted November 17th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
@avid_ajaxx, http://www.westkanye.info/obrazki/Tapety/Kanye_West_Angel_Wall_by_SilentThreat.jpg
This luks like god, and an altbro.
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that was some poetry carles
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CRLS, you don’t know! That older man could be a very “cool dad”. Or maybe an alt sugar daddy. lol. Tis the mystery of party pics…..
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Hee hee
“I am just an altBro. I am not ready for a relationship. I am not ready for responsibility.
I am ready for the weekend. I am ready for my favourite blog 2 update”
<3
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hahahhahahahhahhahahahahhahahahhaha
27?
yeah thats SUPER old. hahahhahahahha
but really, im at 28 and im only getting better. the kids these days!
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when is the appropriate stage in a altbro’s life to make him fucking commit? nvr? I’ll move on. kthnxs.
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post another altbro picture please crls oh please i need to see what im doing wrong
lol
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That is not just any aged altBro. It’s Waldo, finally tired of hiding, ready to settle down with a receeding hairline to prove it.
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Older http://models.com/oftheminute/?attachment_id=4590
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