This is a post about how I h8 lil kids who have 2 much personality. Lil Douchebag Kids usually have wealthy parents. There is a father who makes a lot of money, and a mom who ‘loves their kid to death.’ This means they get to eat an unhealthy breakfast. Typically, male lil dbag kids have long hair and a ‘California skater aesthetic.’ These kids usually don’t do well in school and (pretend to) have learning disabilities. However, these ‘learning disabilities’ are usually justified as ‘having an active personality.’ Teachers expect less from lil dbag kids because they know they will never have to worry about anything in life.
My son has an active personality. I let him grow his hair out, because he is different. He is beyond his years.
I just want my daughter 2 have 0 worries. I only want her 2 express herself + start dating at age 7. She will go through an alternative phase, but I am confident that she will end up mainstream by age 19.
I wish I could go back in time and convince my parents to ‘let me show the world who I was’ at a young age. I want to go back in time so that I could tell my parents about online boutiques for kidz so that I could have a more unique personal brand as a kid.
I want to be a lilBagBro. I don’t want to be ‘good at school.’ I want to be good at being funny/expressive/being ‘a breath of fresh air.’
I want to let people know that I might be from California, and that I might be a participant in Xtreme Sports. People need to know that I have an xtreme personality. I want to dress and smell like I am going to my first high school dance every day of the week. I want to merge ‘cool’ and ‘post-casual’ fashion. I want hair product.
I want 2 be a lil girl. I want to connect with my depressed mother [via shopping therapy]. I want to wear prints that single, saucy 32 year old women wear on ‘girls nite out’s + to their job as a receptionist.
“We have trouble concentrating in class. We do impressions of popular movies/television shows. Our parents don’t let us drink soda/let us drink a lot of soda. We are ‘hyperactive’ and have a low reading level.”
‘We have a glorified hobby which our parents have branded us as ‘being good at.’ We pursue this hobby our whole lives’, but end up not being very gifted at all. Our whole world will then fall apart, and we will attend college for 2 semesters at a local school. We will drop out and live in an apartment complex within 5 miles of our parents’ house. We will drink cheep beer and post myspace photos. We will shop at the mall. We will be independent.’
-lil dbag kidz in the future
Should we do more to ban ‘personality’ in public elementary schools?
Are ‘kidz with 2 much personality’ growing up with an unhealthy perception of ‘the world’ + ‘his or her own place in the world’?
Is adolescence a false extension of childhood?
Should I build a time machine to see how my life would have worked out if I had a stronger personal brand when I popped out of my mother’s womb?
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IAmCarles.com
37 Comments
FIRST
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gold
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h8 kids
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dude, you are on fire!
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hahaha
tags = ‘LilAlt’
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so glad you wrote about this! feel the same way!
kids should be allowed to be uncool, thats what cool about being a kid!
fuck progressive altparents!
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h8 dbag kids, unless they grow up to be lil-uffies.
<3 lil uff !
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childhood
miss u
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//////////Reply by anon@anon.com
//////////Posted December 4th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
@Anonymous,
my mother asked me what i wanted 4 christmas this year and i was like, ‘my childhood back.’
miss u so bad.
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Wow, kidsters are more alt than me. Sadness.
And I know you’re contemplating a best music of 2oo8 countdown — here’s mine: AlfInYoMouf.com
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WHERE IS BABY UFF (aka ALTACCIDENT)?!?
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love it, how long until we start having lil alt titty contests? oh wait, i saw one at the MSRTKRFT show at the fonda. i don’t think you should marry a personal brand until you are cogincent enough to understand it. i’ve never seen so many young e-tards in my life.
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i srsly h8 lil dbags
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miss u<3
ps this post gets me going, cum over<3
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the boy in the firs pic makes me feel sick
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//////////Reply by dafe
//////////Posted December 4th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
@Daniel,
my fist instinctively clenched when i saw him
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I can’t believe u post bout hipstr kidz and didnae include this ubertyke
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLQvjw1iAaA
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I think that kids grow out of phases, and they can always look back and see how stupid they were and be better people. Banning personality won’t do much to teach them what they will learn eventually.
Hahah. Lil’Alt.
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Christ. This is an argument for homeschooling.
Good post.
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this post maekz me <3 u ^^
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Get off lilAlts Carles, jeez.
Are you jealous for being all old and stuff?
H8 old ppl!
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//////////Reply by childpred
//////////Posted December 4th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
@Zack Zany ^_^’,
so says the lil dbag.
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//////////Reply by anony
//////////Posted December 7th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
@Zack Zany ^_^’, Perhaps but the little dbag has a point.
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do they binge on red bull until their first encounter with sparks at age 12?
i’m going to let my kid drink beers so that when he gets older and is tempted to drink with his friends he will already know what its like and wont get 2 fucked and get alchy poisoning
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//////////Reply by *Jesse
//////////Posted December 4th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
@nona,
LOL
srsly, like let them have wine @ dinner time like they do in Paris….one day I’m fit’na live there yall.
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um OBVS altpedophylz need sumthin 2 lube up 2. chris hansen wud nevr think 2 look 4 altpedoz. it’s pretty much genius. altpedos ftw!
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& mayb if ellen page in hrdcandy wasn’t so fug an mnstrm the dude wudda fk’d her. jus sayin. she needed sum sweet tats of bukowski’s sht or ripped tights or at lst an aa hoodie. plz.
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INTERGENERATIONAL ALT LOVE
“these ‘learning disabilities’ are usually justified as ‘having an active personality.’”
2funny
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Pre-Pre-Entry-Level Altsluts. They look like they just did some blow 2gether in the bathroom.
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fuckin’ (true) story of my life…I was rocking reebok pumps, zany glasses, jordan tees and acid wash jeans when I was only 4yrs old son! My parents always bragged abt how smart I was and how good of an artist I was….look @ me now…I’m on my second year at community college after a 2 year ‘hiatus’ from school and I’m studying to be an English teacher….probz middle school so I can try and save some lilbags from eternal bagdom.
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crls ur personal brand is exploding
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i think to truly reach authenticity, lil kids need to be ‘nerdy’ and ‘read a lot’. they need to be ‘in their own world’ for a lil while to truly find a meaningful place irl when they become full alt. then they can bond with other alts about t0tally reading 10 b00ks a week as a lil kid.
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h8 lil dbag alts 2 much
s0 douchey
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where the fuck did that little hipster wannabe in the first pic get her boots? if i saw her i’d definitely steal those boots
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you’re on nnnnnnnnnnn it
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agree agree agree
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…….am i a l!l db@g k!d?
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posterchild for the dbag kid- jenny humphrey from gossip girl. what a little bitch.
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http://tavi-thenewgirlintown.blogspot.com/
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FUCK I WANT TO PUNCH EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN EACH OF THOSE PICTURES OVER AND OVER AND OVER ESPECIALLY THE FIRST GUY WITH THE STUPID FUCKING FACE.
FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
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golden.
one of your best posts, i love when someone says exactly what im thinking. bam. succession. you win! +76 points
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i want to marry you, quit my job, live in some old house with wood floors, shop in online boutiques, fill the house with stuff, decorate, dress kookie and post pictures on flickr and make 5 of these lilAlts or whatever you call them. i will even manage to maintain a blog while making your life comfortable. we can even take all of the little ones to major alternative music festivals. why don’t u return my calls?
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