I was looking at pictures of australia on the cobrasnaker, and I think it is safe to conclude that Australia has the highest rate of AltBros Per Capita in the entire solar system.
In the future, I wonder if altBros will stop wearing shirts?
‘Girls will be entry level until they have tugged off an altbro who they were gimmicked into thinking had a unique personal brand. They will graduate into being an altBroad who actively disassociates herself with that period of her life and move on to tugging altBggts and mainstreamBros.’
-Carles from the Essay “On Being an Alternative Woman”
///////
// My first meaningful alternative experience
////////
My mom was about to pick up me and a couple of my friends at a music festival. I really had to twist her arm to let me go. I wore something conservative, but brought my zany outfit in my bag. No way my dad would let me go out like that. The music festival was the most fun I had my whole life. I love being around people. I love people watching. I love listening to other people’s conversations. This is because I have an interesting perspective on the world.
As the night wound down, and we got more buzzed from half-empty cans of Sparks/Coors Light, I looked at all of my friends. They were real. We understand one another. I am proud of my alternative group. We are bigger than just one individual, and bigger than our collective alternative soul. We are relevant. We are young. We are free.
We will live forever.
Part of the us never dies.
I have arrived. I am officially an authentic alt.
My friends are spending the nite. (can’t wait 4 college when every nite is a sleep over.)
//////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
XX BONUS GUIDO TECHNO HOUSE CORE FAN XX
“House Music.” – This bro
“Carl Cox is a genius.” – this bro
“I just picked up the new Paul Van Dyk single.” – this bro
“Dance. Hard.” -this bro
XX BONUS GEOGRAPHY LESSON XX
A Revised Map of Australia in the post Electro+Alt world.
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IAmCarles.com
40 Comments
lol @ geography lesson. Although you left out Canberra? Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.
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//////////Reply by sancosea
//////////Posted April 20th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
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trail of tugs hahahahahaha
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//////////Reply by anony
//////////Posted December 2nd, 2008 at 4:57 am
@chch, On a related note pitchfork gave source tags and codes a perfect 10. WTF? I’m just not seeing it.
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alt-stralia: big in 2k8
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some days I think you are getting funnier bb
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//////////Reply by anony
//////////Posted December 2nd, 2008 at 4:58 am
@dopo, Yes, the meme “carles finds party pix and describes whats happening” is getting old.
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lolz i was at that festival in the top picture, all i could think about all night was altbros and altbags
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//////////Reply by pete
//////////Posted December 1st, 2008 at 10:00 pm
@OOPS CAPS LOCK,
hey i think it was crookers at manning bar…am i correct i was there too…
it was so hot….Mowgli was throwing water over people and the security was giving out water….
also there was like 4 dogs…who does that these days
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//////////Reply by nona
//////////Posted December 1st, 2008 at 11:24 pm
@pete, altbros take their dogs everywhere.
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mmmm guido. are guido tugs approp for entry lvl girls? their neatly sculpted pupes wont hinder tuggage, so perfect starting point.
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yikes.. how many tugs did that girl in the center give out?
you also forgot new zealand on your map – land of plump bakers named rosie tugs
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your map got it wrong- queensland is altBAG central
god I hate queensland.
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speaking of oz, altbro hero Corey Delaney:
never forget // miss u
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LilxQYHjUdA
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put the pic of hookie up…the guy with hooks as arms
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fuck im an ausfag, sterosonic was the worst festival ever. i can so relate to this poast carles. but the real alts here wear black and white tees or look like theyre from the kooks. altbros go for teh AWESOMENESS XOXOxoXOXOoXOXOoxoXOXo
ps its university, not college
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i’m nominating that essay to win the pulitzer.
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BLONDE SLUTZ.
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whoa brah, that map has a streak of genius I haven’t seen in HRO for blog years!
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//////////Reply by anony
//////////Posted December 2nd, 2008 at 5:00 am
@THATCHER, you must be new here.
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//////////Reply by thATCHER
//////////Posted December 3rd, 2008 at 1:14 pm
@anony, LOL
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listenin to the Sirius broadcast.
NICE!!!!!!!!
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Haus musik all nite long. Less disco, more MNML.
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only entryALTS go to festivals like these.
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//////////Reply by anony
//////////Posted December 2nd, 2008 at 5:04 am
@m, I wouldn’t go that far although there are a lot. festivals are a good place to see bands that are just a little to big for house shows but that you wouldn’t normally make an effort to go see. It’s really just to get a little sample of whats going on or what you may have missed. NOT my favorite place to see a band but a good way to kill a weekend.
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Australians are the world’s frat bros.
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this is a serious question: what is tugging?
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//////////Reply by anon's stance
//////////Posted December 2nd, 2008 at 2:30 am
@Pan, from tugjobs.com
“Handjobs that cause boners to bust huge loads of cum”
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//////////Reply by anony
//////////Posted December 2nd, 2008 at 5:05 am
@Pan, wow
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somewhere in the past year, 72% of australian jocks discovered les jousteices, v neck shirts and MDMA.
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//////////Reply by anony
//////////Posted December 2nd, 2008 at 5:07 am
@gabelord, can you still get good mdma? I really want some but I just don’t think you can really trust it these days.
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//////////Reply by pete
//////////Posted December 2nd, 2008 at 6:04 pm
@anony, try get CK’s…they are round and a browny colour….highly recommended
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more australia posts hahahahaha
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getting tired of this, dunno why?
help :- (
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your geography lesson is spot on….
…i can say that cause im an australian.
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//////////Reply by Field Day
//////////Posted December 3rd, 2008 at 6:54 am
@p.b,
Sydney is a big hole of altbroz. Melbourne is a hole of altbagz. Ksubi/Bang Gang is teh altbro soundtrack/brand. Ausbrolia aspires to the US brand.
The future is already lost
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since when did you understand australia?
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i <3 u. but u dnt ‘get’ Australia. It’s *full* of mnstrm bros in altbro clothing. Aussie alts would nvr consider the bros in these pics alt.
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ElectroBros in aus are a mix of SurfBro (surf dudes) and AltBags
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ALTBRO CENTRAL AT GLOBAL GATHERING.
DOING THERE FAKE 2 STEPS TO KRAFTWERK…. TOOLS
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just confirmin that the dudes in the pic are NOT ALT. sorry crls.
they are actually jocks studying economics at sydney uni who decided to ‘have a huge night’ at ’some dance festival’ that they heard was happening ‘on campus’.
after crookers played (when this pic was taken) they all left, leaving DJ Funk to play to almost no one, cos he ‘wasnt bangin’.
also wanted to say that american appy is not alt in australia, i went into oxford st amapp store last wk and it was full of jocks.
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littlemore island of creativity! lulzasaurus!
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Here’s the ‘RFF Guide’ to Australia:
ALTbags = ‘Bogans’ pronounced: ‘B-oh-gunz’
ALTBros = ‘Bogans who ‘get it’, i.e understand how to convincingly fake their own ‘personal brand’.
Bogans are the US equivalent to: Frat Boys, Jocks, male-idiots, et al.
ALTBGGTS = same as everywhere else; ALTBGGTS have to deal with the cruel fools in OZ as with anywhere else.
Fact: most ALTBros and ALTbags were once ’surfers’, before 2k8. hence why you can now buy a range of ALTGEAR at most surf stores in Australia.
Fact: ‘Shorts’ or ‘Board-shorts’ (aka shorts for swimming at the beach) are extremely popular in australia even on formal occasions – graduations, barmitzvahs and weddings etc. There is no shame in baring one’s skinny legs or knees in australia.
Fact: Australia is a place of ’superficial practicality’. White/anglo saxon inter-breeding has produced, ‘giant white lummox men’, who prefer to do jobs that require manual labour. These same manual labourers are generally ALTBAGS; they wear shorts.
Fact: Australians generally don’t mind if you call then, “Oz-holes”, or ‘Strines’, one must pronounce this, whilst exagerating and utilising the resonance of their sinuses and nasal area; don’t be alarmed this is the only way australians will understand you.
The food quality in OZ is quite good. Australians definitely got their ancestors, the ‘English’, beat in that department, but they still haven’t learned the simplest principles of insulation and heating. This is a genetic fault.
White New Zealanders are freaks with bad haircuts. Many of them have been rightfully beat-up but the indigenous population for stealing the country from them.
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SurfBag
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adelaide is pretty alt u kno
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i predict this blog won’t last another 2 months,
what are you contributing to the positive music future?
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Hipsters are meant to be ahead of the curve right?
Irony / Quirkyness is so 2005.
This blog is comparable to the movie JUNO.
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//////////Reply by JOEE IRWIN
//////////Posted December 27th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
@Muscles Music Blog,
MUSCLES!!!!~
I LIKE IT NOW THAT YOU BLOG AND WRITE A BUNCH OF RETARDED SHIT ON TEH INTERNET WAY MORE THAN YOUR SHITTY DANCE MUSIC!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN REDEEMED! I THINK NEXT TIME WE PARTY WE NEED TO HAVE K!!!
XO
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good luck with that.
got to flight to catch to NEW YORK….. seeyaz.
MUSCLESMUSICBLOG.COM
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wat
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Aussie-Post Redux:
The previous posts from the OZ-hole artist, ‘MSCLES’ is quite surprising ! Most Alt-Elect-Bogans, such as MSCLES usually prefer to deal with disagreements with physical altercation, especially where ‘positive music futures’ are concerned. MSCLES was also responsible for government PSA, dealing with ALT-Teen alcohol abuse. His own macbook ‘net postings are boring – he should spend more time perfecting his ‘baggy-dad-pants’, or trying to take up any offers to produce music for ‘EDGY’ OZ films. – Triple_J is a big champion of MSCLES – tha’s because its 30+ DJs want to remain relevant until middle-age when they retire from OZ-stralias, ‘YOOTH RDIO NTWORK’…
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Reply
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