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Alternative Parenting Tips (The Metaphorical Vodka from Ur Teet)


[Photo by Last Night's Party]
When I have a child
I will raise him ‘right’
and make sure he/she
gets only the best

Organic foods
Progressive Private Education
Summer art courses
Team sports
Necessary technology
No television
Plenty of ‘books’/printed out pages of wikipedia
Drug prevention education
Lots of physical affection
and verbal reinforcement

My wife will put the baby
upon her teet
and tell her about her life
and her mistakes
and the history of the modern world

The baby will grow old
and go away to design school
And find himself/herself
Fall in love
Accidentally make a new child too soon
and the circle of life will continue

The baby
must be nourished
from a teet
which spouts
top shelf vodka
(This is a metaphor)

This entry was posted in Poetry, WHERE DA PARTY AT and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Trackbacks are closed, but you can post a comment.

30 Comments

  1. anon
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 7:18 pm | Permalink

    ok..

    Reply

  2. HIP*GRL4U~
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 7:29 pm | Permalink

    ok..

    Reply

  3. lacey
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 7:33 pm | Permalink

    ok..

    Reply

  4. poop
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 7:41 pm | Permalink

    ok..

    Reply

  5. May
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 7:49 pm | Permalink

    Moar like tequila

    Reply

  6. lawl
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 7:50 pm | Permalink

    oh noooo carles ran out of funnies.

    Reply

  7. dud3
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 7:51 pm | Permalink

    ok..

    Reply

  8. kn
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 7:57 pm | Permalink

    i laughed at “design school” only

    Reply

  9. anon
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 8:14 pm | Permalink

    i laughed when i saw more ok..s

    Reply

  10. baby jesus
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 8:36 pm | Permalink

    this makes baby jesus sad.

    Reply

  11. Posted January 25, 2009 at 8:47 pm | Permalink

    Are you all brain dead? This was funny.

    Reply

  12. Posted January 25, 2009 at 9:04 pm | Permalink

    this is why you shouldn’t move to the suburbs crls. in the city, tit or not, mommy pours goose rite into baby’s mouf, no ?s asked y’all

    Reply

  13. yazmin
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 9:21 pm | Permalink

    ok..

    Reply

  14. colander
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 9:24 pm | Permalink

    can the ok meme be dead now? not to take way y’alls toys or anything. <3 u, but miss real cmmnts

    Reply

    //////////Reply by HIP*GRL4U~
    //////////Posted

    @colander,

    ok..

    Reply

  15. kn
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 9:59 pm | Permalink

    ok..

    Reply

  16. Posted January 25, 2009 at 10:16 pm | Permalink

    crls, plz publish a book of authentic poetry ([via "IRL blog"])

    Reply

  17. Posted January 25, 2009 at 10:23 pm | Permalink

    ok..

    Reply

  18. m
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 10:58 pm | Permalink

    oh no

    Reply

  19. Allison
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 11:06 pm | Permalink

    YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Story of every alt in their early 20’s I know. =/

    Reply

  20. Posted January 25, 2009 at 11:24 pm | Permalink

    the baby in the post is me. i have small space between my lip and nose. makes it hard 4 authentic pierces. :(

    Reply

  21. aids
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 11:24 pm | Permalink

    my mom is an alcoholic. she gave me my first drink @ 3. this post hit a lil 2 close 2 home.

    Reply

  22. jjjjjjjjoe
    Posted January 25, 2009 at 11:51 pm | Permalink

    not ok…

    Reply

    //////////Reply by poor kid
    //////////Posted

    @jjjjjjjjoe,
    way2balt <33 3/3/3/3/3/3333333

    Reply

  23. Posted January 26, 2009 at 7:06 am | Permalink

    i’m intaiwan brooooooo1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply

  24. Evan
    Posted January 26, 2009 at 9:22 am | Permalink

    H8 you 2k9 carles.
    Misz you 2k8

    Reply

  25. Posted January 26, 2009 at 9:53 am | Permalink

    ELECTRO WILL NEVER DIE

    Reply

  26. Brendan
    Posted January 26, 2009 at 9:54 am | Permalink

    is it mainstream to have ‘Garden of Earthly Delights” as my second monitor desktop at work???

    Reply

  27. Posted January 26, 2009 at 11:50 am | Permalink

    i c altbreastesses.

    Reply

  28. Posted January 26, 2009 at 8:18 pm | Permalink

    these could have been the perfect pair of alt breasts.

    way to ruin the dream, carles.

    nips or no deal

    Reply

  29. Posted January 26, 2009 at 8:20 pm | Permalink

    WHEN I WAS A CHILD CRAWLING ON MY KNEES TOWARDS KVETEL

    Reply

  30. qwerty
    Posted January 27, 2009 at 8:28 am | Permalink

    isnt she a pornstar?

    Reply

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