[Photo via Lookbook]
Dear Mom,
I h8 how u do not ‘get’ me 1 bit. U need 2 pay attention 2 me so that u don’t end up looking like a dumbass shitface who ‘doesn’t care about her son’ when u try to do something nice 4 me. Recently, u went to a local Best Buy to get me a meaningful gift to go with last Christmas’s Macbook stocking stuffer. U decided 2 get me an iPod touch.
First of all… I already have an iPhone. Totally don’t need an iPod touch. s00 dumb. U srsly should NOT be alive. U need 2 read more actual publications on the internet instead of reading the local paper from 2 years ago. U think ur smart because u ‘have a career’ but the shit u do is meaningless, and I would srsly slit my own throat and wrists if I had 2 do what u do every day. There’s more to ‘life’ than ur version of life–I wish u could see it my way so that you’d understand my most recent personal brand implementation.
I SRSLY JUST TOOK A BOTTLE OF SLEEPING PILLS I AM SO PISSED OFF AT LIFE. /////
N e ways, Just wanted 2 let u know that record players are the new iPods. Just a more ‘organic’ feeling when ur listening to music. Like ur closer to the artist. (I might also give up my iPhone and only use pay phones.)
I h8 the idea of
1) purchasing mp3s
2) being ’so portable’ just like every1 else
3) co-branding myself with white earbuds
4) having some ghey-metallic coloured iPod
5) being ’so connected’ with a wifi connection
6) the audio quality isn’t authentic
7) Apple is a BULL SHIT MONOPOLY
8) The recent Apple product recall because Steve Jobs’s disease ‘contaminated’ a bunch of product lines
Record players are the future bc U have to make a decision about ‘where u want to be’ and make sure that your apartment/room/space is extra meaningful. It’s also more difficult to ‘collect vinyls’ than it is to collect mp3s, so it makes you ‘love music’ more that typical people.
I wish u’d realize how ‘out’ iPods are. They are for high schoolers and overgrown tweens. Do u really think I look like this guy?
[Photo via Easy Fashion]
/// h8 the shit out of u, mom
/// we used to be ‘bros’ right after dad ‘left us’
/// but now I am finally seeing
/// that I was the 1 worth leaving.
Love,
your altSon
PS: can u leave me some pizza money 4 the weekend?
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IAmCarles.com
54 Comments
to be honest: yes i think u do look like that guy
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i have really nothing to say.
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ahah this is the hyperbola of the alt-thing at its best
I ‘get’ you CRLS !
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hope she leaves you enough money for chili’s
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Harsh word for your mama.
Carles, can I be an Afro-Saxon? I guess with Obamie in office it’s kewl to be a Wigger. Maybe I can channel Eminem.
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//////////Reply by thetruthyall
//////////Posted January 26th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
@AltCauc, white guys being blipsters cud be big in 2k11. might be the only way to save alt-culture before the jonasbros take over the blogosphere, via signing to Busy P records
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//////////Reply by AstroCandy
//////////Posted January 26th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
@thetruthyall, haha i weep for the future
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payphones!
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//////////Reply by AltCauc
//////////Posted January 26th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
@yes,
Gr8t stuff!
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The recent Apple product recall because Steve Jobs’s disease ‘contaminated’ a bunch of product lines
oh man.
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I’d take the ipod+the pizza money and go sell it on ebay, then buy a record player and some Legalize Gay Am appy t shirts for the fggts from last post
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//////////Reply by andy
//////////Posted January 27th, 2009 at 11:28 am
I like the sarcastic tone of the post, but i really do know people who are rich mama’s boys. Not all alts are rich, I grew up poor, my mom does not send me any money at all, i do send her money, because i make money from working at american appy.
I sew clothes all day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Cls:
Hey, will you be jetting down to SXSW this year? Does XMU get you a powerful backstage pass? Are you going to have a party like GorillavsBear did?
Just wondering, bro.
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CRLS what does a alt wear to the beach when they dont have their alttttclothes on? and they cant swim with the macs and the pods?
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//////////Reply by thetruthyall
//////////Posted January 26th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
@tttb, probly skimpy ur-o-paen swimware
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//////////Reply by tttb
//////////Posted January 26th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
@thetruthyall, they will float in the water, look around and see that in the end, we are all the same. A tear will fall into the sea and go unoticed. Just like their existence.
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Wow. Just wow.
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Dude calm down its ok. U should apologize 2 mom when u cool off.
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I just added that guy on myspace
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my moms dead. thanks alot crls. fucking crying rite now u fggt.
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CRLS this is yr mom that was vry disrespekful and u r grounded!!!
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Hey son it’s ur dad, gd burn on ur mom man, h8 that bitch </3
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//////////Reply by mrs. crls
//////////Posted January 27th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
@Crl’s Dad, i want a divorce
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“the recent Apple product recall because Steve Jobs’s disease ‘contaminated’ a bunch of product lines”…priceless. luv the authenic implementation of the postal sevices at the end.
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i need a job, period.
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HAHAHAHAHA OMG So funny. Way to go “Postal” CRLS!
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most hilariarest post evar
//daddy issuez
///mom is gr8 <3 her
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that hair is fucken awesome
not the fagbook guys he is shit
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omg. i wanna bang that alt-bro and have his little alt-babies. they’d be the perfect accessory ya’ll.
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Crlsie, Its mom. s0 sorry for buying you an ipod. love you s0 mUch.
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dankvibe.wordpress.com/
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crls, maybe u need 2 buy an altmom to be implemented during gift-giving occasions?
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That first photograph is of my brother! Haha a bit ironic since he bought me that record player for MY birthday and that record player has an Ipod adapter, but that can be our little secret ;D hahahahaha. Love this.
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//////////Reply by 1234`
//////////Posted January 26th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
@Mia, please go to a party where bronques is so carles can make a brother/sister post about you and/or we can see side boob. gracias
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so angry
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God, it’s like you’re reading my life right after it happens. Or is it before….
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Yeah man. Damn those parents for buying MP3 players!
How about you earn your own money and buy your own shit?
http://www.hipsterwave.com/what-kind-of-glasses-should-you-rock/
Hate on us. We love it. :-p
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Oh but we address iPod headphones too.
Hahah and if you hate Apple why don’t you sell your iPhone on eBay and get a different phone?
http://www.hipsterwave.com/what-kind-of-glasses-should-you-rock/
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Record players r not ‘retro’ enuf. h8 track is more ‘authentic’.
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//////////Reply by 1890's
//////////Posted January 27th, 2009 at 2:05 am
@altsis,
i only listen to tin-foil & wax phonographs via tommy edison. h8 fidelity s000 much.
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h8 moms.
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my mom is ghey like me
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POOR GhEYBy. Couldn’t handle our h8in
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you don’t want the world to see you enjoying those “rich tones”? I guess then they’de all do it and it’de be mainstream…
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what bitches, they clearly don’t understand how superior lps are to the digishit. and everyone here spells “ghey” wrong. I’m gay. I would know. Buttsex helps you spell.
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//////////Reply by David Paris III
//////////Posted January 28th, 2009 at 1:32 am
@Jacob Finan,
We shud totally git together
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We can tell you’re watching us baby, we’re Bang Camaro!
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I EAT SHIT LIKE YOU FOR BREAKFAST….I”AM BANG CAMARO
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Why did the top photo bro ask to have his photo removed? Now the HRO altchives are all fckd up.
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//////////Reply by zephyr
//////////Posted January 27th, 2009 at 6:00 am
@Elxr, bc he is a fag who fails at not givin a fuck abt the internet this of course most inauth bhvior
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bi yr ohn rekkidplaya gheybabiboi
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I like Hipsterrunoff …
and I want you to post comments from time to time on Easy fashion !
or I will be very sorry to break you teeths.
Fred the Mole
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Asiff there was anything bad about that picture of the man.
disapppinteddd
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pop will eat itself
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recrd bro must have rlly scard crls/had clout. i dont remember soccr bro getting his picture taken down. crls must be feeling vulnerable these days.
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//////////Reply by AnonAnonymous
//////////Posted January 27th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
@malt lyk her, <3 carles but his policy of taking pics down on request is kinda ghey
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turntable bro?? more like overly self important turntable alt_bag.
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HRO is a cyberbully to the extent that it makes derogatory remarks about the online postings of underage kids (e.g. tweens). Posting about anybody 18+ is fine.
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please tell me this blog is a joke. srsly.
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//////////Reply by perezhilton
//////////Posted January 27th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
@shlay, do you REALLY have to ask
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Nice use of meaningful-core lyrics. I’m starting to think that Carles has/wants a Meaningful Relationship with Ben Gibbard.
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thanks for the ben gibbard ending. definitely a happy ending. i’ve got to hand it to you. you really get me. like damn.
people have flooded u’r blog, btw. keep giving our eyeballs stuff to look at.
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I apologize for the stupidass comments I keep leaving under my friends’ names. I just came back from the Fray concert, and I think I’ll drink some organic soy milk and watch some Yo Gabba Gabba now.
Laterz, betches!~~
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WE’RE BANG CAMAROOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHASTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
COLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8==========> (o)(o)
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GhEY es teh New BLCK
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most brilliant beginning to a blog in 2K9 so far…
Dear Mom,
I h8 how u do not ‘get’ me 1 bit.
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Pauseeee
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