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I wish they had Macbooks when I was a tween and my parents took me on road trips with my BFF


I wish they had Macbooks when I was a tween.
I wish my parents had an aggregate income of over $250K/year.
I wish I could express myself around my parents.
I wish I had a swarm of subscribers who I could shout out.
I wish my parents could afford braces 4 me.
I wish my parents bought me an iPhone/game Gear/iPod Shuffle.
I wish I had a spacious luxury SUV with a leather interior.
I wish I had wifi all over the world/domestic United States.
I wish my tweenhood went a lot differently.

I wish they had Macbooks when I was a tween. If I could have expressed myself with modern tools of technology, I would be an entirely different person today.

The world is 1 year older. And I want to know ‘WHY?’
Why did I become alt?
Is ‘alt’ a choice, or was I born with ‘alt’ inside of me? (kinda like homosexuals/fggts/gheys).
Are these things that I did not have as a tween the reason why I needed to construct a new value system based upon strict post-consumerist ideals?
Are ‘alts’ who are rebelling against their privileged life ever going to find the authenticity that they are seeking?
Would ‘entry level alts’ and ‘Mexicalts’ exist without the concept of credit?

I want to know why.
I want to know why there weren’t Macbooks when I was a tween.
I want to know what I would have been if my tweenhood had gone differently.

//They // only // want // u // when // ur // seventween. ///
When ur // thirty-one // ur // not // keut.

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42 Comments

  1. schizo
    Posted January 1, 2009 at 11:23 pm | Permalink

    first yall. thanks for the memories.

    Reply

  2. Hannah
    Posted January 1, 2009 at 11:41 pm | Permalink

    mainstream tweenz listen to benny g and the postal service?

    Reply

  3. boggart
    Posted January 1, 2009 at 11:53 pm | Permalink

    Revenge of Droopy Eyes; The Saga!?
    eek!

    I bet these new tweens are going to start shooting some pseudo documentaries about their alt/meaningful/keut/artsy life for Sundance.

    Reply

  4. bonez
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 12:03 am | Permalink

    some are born alt, some achieve alt, some have alt thrust upon them

    Reply

    //////////Reply by anon
    //////////Posted

    @bonez, ugh, new facebook fav quote

    Reply

  5. CRLS
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 12:03 am | Permalink

    u kno, I would classify anyone with time in their hands to research that kind of ‘material’ as a child pred.
    way 2 go Crls!
    flaunt those glasses!

    Reply

  6. anony
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 12:04 am | Permalink

    hey r u that guy from the tweenagers

    Reply

  7. anon@non.com
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 12:19 am | Permalink

    BNRZ 4 TWNZ 2K9

    Reply

  8. Posted January 2, 2009 at 12:21 am | Permalink

    I hope they notice to put their seat belts, stop jumping around, and sit down, before their father gets into a car accident and they fly out the window and ruin their expensive leather interior car.

    Reply

    //////////Reply by Francis
    //////////Posted

    @techno-rumblr,

    fo sho, and you know how hard it is to get blood stains off leather, and the smell! ugh… total bad trip

    Reply

  9. Posted January 2, 2009 at 12:47 am | Permalink

    The Idiot Box and Twin Peaks was all I needed when I was a “tween.” Forget the Mac.

    Reply

  10. Posted January 2, 2009 at 1:03 am | Permalink

    I hope 12 year old my sister isn’t doing shit like this with her Macbook.

    Reply

  11. Posted January 2, 2009 at 1:04 am | Permalink

    my 12 year old sister*

    Reply

  12. elbee
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 1:20 am | Permalink

    ladytron right! it’s LADYTRON YOUR TOTES REFFIN’ LADDIE_TRONE

    Reply

  13. Posted January 2, 2009 at 1:29 am | Permalink

    Why would you want a spacious SUV? Yuck. So much gas burning. Terrible. I’ll watch the clip of the tweens, but I don’t have to to already realize it’s really going to be retarded.

    http://www.hipsterwave.com/thom-yorke-the-eraser-a-remix-a-collaboration-and-in-rainbows/

    Thom Yorke is definitely not retarded. Meow.

    Reply

    //////////Reply by thATCHER
    //////////Posted

    @Jessica,

    yeah i totz can digg what u r saying. Thom Yorke has an invigorating personal brand that just makes u think: wow brah, that dude is authentic. But the tweens don’t have rlly have the capital 2 be authentic. they don’t evn have a production company. They just have a little mac book and some spare time to express themselves so how could the possibly cr8 an authentic personal brand that rivals thommy yorkeys?

    nvrtheless, the tweeny alts do have a fresh authenticity that thommy doesnt have. They r real. they r now. they haven’t been making the same product for the last 100 blog year.s and i think thomr could learn from that.

    Reply

    //////////Reply by Jessica
    //////////Posted

    @thATCHER, heh. Tweens were disgusting in that clip. You write as if you’re like their friend.

    Thom yorke has adjusted his product and sound with the times for sure.

    Thom yorke wakes up and puts his pants on every day just like the rest of us. The only difference is, once his pants are on, he makes platinum records. =’)

    Reply

    //////////Reply by gonacommitHarryCaray
    //////////Posted

    @Jessica, just like Miley Cyrus

    //////////Reply by Jessica
    //////////Posted

    @thATCHER, Who?

    Reply

    //////////Reply by Hot N' BODY'D
    //////////Posted

    @Jessica, you know who…

    disney tween with the funny mouth and raspy voice like she smokes unfiltered newport longs.

    not the hot azn disney tween that lives with two lil white boys.

    //////////Reply by Jessica
    //////////Posted

    @Hot N’BODY’D, no, I don’t follow that stuff. Tweens have no meaning to me. They should not be permitted to be popular because they are too immature and goofy. =’(

  14. jjjjjjjjoe
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 1:36 am | Permalink

    didn’t you already post this one?

    Reply

    //////////Reply by *****
    //////////Posted

    @jjjjjjjjoe,

    YES AND NO

    (EVERYTHING IS A RE-POST Y’ALL)

    Reply

  15. *****
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 2:42 am | Permalink

    luv watching tweenz while alt titties ads play on the sidebar
    ..

    Reply

  16. *****
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 2:43 am | Permalink

    wunder if either of those kids will grow up to star in their very own aa ads

    Reply

  17. HIP*GRL4U~
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 3:29 am | Permalink

    w00 r0ad trip wit our parents~

    Reply

  18. terry kath II
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 4:08 am | Permalink

    that girl on the right has more alt-titude in her then most of you lggrds

    Reply

  19. Teh Anomususses
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 4:18 am | Permalink

    Did I just get hit in the face with a piece of wide plank pine?
    Sure feels like it.

    Reply

  20. YE
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 4:29 am | Permalink

    Hey everybody! I just figured out what a blipster is. I thought it meant those people who like old Nintendos and they reprogram them to make music with it b/c one time there was this picture with a blipster in it and he was wearing a Nintendo belt buckle or something but I GOT IT NOW! THanks

    Reply

    //////////Reply by Teh Anomususses
    //////////Posted

    @YE, Same concept as wigger.
    LULZ
    Although it doesn’t help that some look like they could be electronicy like LeVar Burton from Star Trek.
    Trust me, I was in the same boat for a while.

    Original Blipstar!

    http://blog.christopherpitzer.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/levar-burton.jpg

    Reply

  21. gonacommitHarryCaray
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 5:02 am | Permalink

    they look 18

    Reply

    //////////Reply by Teh Anomususses
    //////////Posted

    @gonacommitHarryCaray, months old.

    Reply

  22. AMANDA
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 9:20 am | Permalink

    is it alt to chew gum with braces as a tween?

    Reply

  23. Posted January 2, 2009 at 10:09 am | Permalink

    h8 tweens.
    love the rubberbands.

    miss / love the Ladytron shoutout.
    They only want u when ur seventeen.

    wish i was still in my peak…
    wish i could’ve vlog’d in front of my parents…
    “wish i was elsewhere” =’d my tween mindset

    Reply

  24. god
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 11:02 am | Permalink

    dad = auth alt, crls

    Reply

  25. Double J
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 11:42 am | Permalink

    I feel bad for droopy eye. Hopefully her cool dad makes enough bank so that she can do something about it.

    Reply

  26. kyda69
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 11:55 am | Permalink

    crls, u already posted this wanky eyed bitch months ago..

    Reply

  27. Posted January 2, 2009 at 11:58 am | Permalink

    i wish they had stickam when i was a tween

    Reply

  28. lawlcatz
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 12:31 pm | Permalink

    carles, do they know you subscribe to their youtube channel? by the way, would you be so kind as to lend me your child predator glasses? mine broke as i was being arrested for trying to lure tweens into my shitty toyota corolla (via free iphone apps).

    Reply

  29. badkharmala
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 12:55 pm | Permalink

    is the mom wearing uggs? whut.

    Reply

  30. lyndon LaDouche
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 1:24 pm | Permalink

    H8 Yall spoiled tweens. Palm Springs road trip? Friends named Reagan? White people iz crazy yall!

    Reply

    //////////Reply by Jessica
    //////////Posted

    @lyndon LaDouche, I’m with you 100%.

    Reply

  31. MexiAlt
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 2:26 pm | Permalink

    Crls I’m glad you didn’t get everything you wanted as a kid. You could have turned out to be a real bore or worse. Be happy you are who you are.

    Reply

  32. mmmark
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 3:17 pm | Permalink

    i love how smart hipster runoff is.

    Reply

  33. Posted January 2, 2009 at 7:08 pm | Permalink

    @gonnacommit, Who is that?

    Reply

  34. Hot N' BODY'D
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 10:01 pm | Permalink

    alt tweenz have their parents drive them to music festivals
    (we’ll use coachella for example, since the highest concentration of alt tweenz live in small towns and suburbs surrounding, and or near the greater los angelas area. Think Seth Cohen.)

    Since the cooldads/moms have nothing else to do but wait for the one novelty act they might enjoy to come on( Willie Nelson, Bela Fleck, Maddona…)
    they sit in the beer tent and get drunk all day. When the festival ends, the Alttweenz get upset because their cooldads/moms are drunk and embarrasing them in front of the people that they one day wantto be.

    Alttween 1: “I cant wait to turn eighteen so I can move to Brookyln/L.A./Mission district and pretend to be poor”

    Alttween 2: “yeah i cant wait to tell people that I cant afford my Anthro Text because I had to pay rent, when in reality i could havedone oth if i hadnt of blown my money on that last miute trip to paris where i did coke for a week and a half”

    Alttween 1: “Paris is so cool, but its way overdone”

    Alttween 2: “yeah, maybe i’ll do coke in Berlin instead”

    Reply

  35. cold legs
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 10:59 pm | Permalink

    i’m only 17 and just watching these two little brats makes me feel old. fuck.

    Reply

  36. anony
    Posted January 2, 2009 at 11:31 pm | Permalink

    People become alts for the number of reasons. First of all most are of above average intelligence and such people are always subject to the tyrany of the majority and it’s torture having to suffer the mediocre. Most have been wronged by life in some way and have become bitter about not being able to obtain a lifestyle the were raised to expect. Thus comes an inability or even desire to conform to typical norms and search for “meaning” while rejecting the superficial notion of “success.” Despite the appearance of indifference most strive for equality and are unwilling to step on the backs of others to get where they want to be in life. This becomes a constant source of disillusionment because it’s directly against the values of capitalist society.

    Reply

  37. lilywithanl
    Posted January 3, 2009 at 1:15 am | Permalink

    NO1 HAS COMMNTED ON THE FACT THAT DR00PY-EYEZ GOT NEW ALTBANGZ TO COVER THE DR00PY EYE SINCE THE LAST VID.

    she was nt alt enough2 take the crtcsm. 2 bad i sortof liked looking@the eye and its crzyyyy mvments.

    Reply

  38. mb
    Posted January 3, 2009 at 3:43 pm | Permalink

    I doubt shes seen this. i added her on fbook maybe i should send it to her …

    Reply

  39. Anonymous
    Posted January 4, 2009 at 11:28 am | Permalink

    I’m so confused at why these girls have thousands of subscribers on YouTube. I couldn’t even watch the whole video because it was so boring.

    Reply

  40. authentiCITYslicker
    Posted January 4, 2009 at 5:33 pm | Permalink

    FUCK me if i ever become that dad

    Reply

  41. indoorsoccershoe
    Posted January 10, 2009 at 4:18 am | Permalink

    Oh melt-eye. You poor soul you….

    Reply

  42. Posted April 30, 2009 at 3:55 pm | Permalink

    i just wish there were ‘older girls’ when i was a tween

    Reply

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