A lot of ppl tell me, “Carles–where have all the AltBros gone? Did they starve after the great Sparks drought of 2k9? Or were they lost while fighting in the electro war? Or was there some sort of Hotel Browanda type of genocide going on?” Seeing a few bros who are pretty alt made me smile, and think about the past. Now that I am ‘obsessed with tweens’, I think that altbros were generally post-tweens, about to grow into adulthood, while taking part in adult activities.
Now that they have grown up a lil bit more and are becoming ‘men’, they have different needs, and are a little bit more comfortable with ‘who they are.’ They have started listening to music that is more authentic than electro, and even constructed a positive personality which helped them to ‘get girls.’
[Photos via The Chiller Whale]
Do yall miss the glory days of altbros?
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/the-essence-of-altbro.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/07/the-genre-of-alt-bros-who-are-impossible-to-take-seriously.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/04/the-alternative-bro-golden-age.html
Does n e 1 know if there is an emerging bro group in 2k9?
Feel kinda like I still ‘have the same mindset’ from _ years ago. Do yall
know if u just maintain the same personality from ur formative years 4 the rest of ur life?
I just googled ‘alt bro’ to see how relevant I am, and I saw there was an urban dictionary definition 4 it.
Do yall agree, or is this a failed interpretation of the term that I invented?
Are altbros undefinable, since they are ‘always changing’ with culture?
/// WHERE // HAVE // ALL // THE // ALTBROS // GONE?
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26 Comments
furst.
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//////////Reply by ??
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
@ok ok,
seems so long ago – did it really exist? or was it all just a beautiful dream?
think i’m in the early stages of altzheimer’s y’all.
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First…
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the recession/great depression 2.0 is really effecting the alt-bro economy…
electro music may be free to listen to [via hype machine/downloads] but it is not free to enjoy…
shows cost money, there’s a lot of expense in ‘raging soo hard’ and ‘getting blackout’
there’s the cost of drinks, the rising cost of sneakers, batteries for the dSLR you use to maintain your party pic site…
we’re entering a new economy where ‘money isn’t all that important’ and bartering and trading are coming into style…
it takes a while for alt-bros to catch on to new trends…they have to wait until there is a relevant blog/wikipedia entry about it for them to learn from.
don’t worry, they’ll be back..
…just sayin’
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//////////Reply by anonymous
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
@vince, memes 5 cents
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//////////Reply by Gurkman
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
@vince, i agree. very few fratboys can afford 2 b altbros ne_more. All the coffee shops and and dive bars are nao filled with alts, which means that they are cooler, but that they are making less money. Also student gov’t elections are coming up.
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//////////Reply by Jessica
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
@Gurkman,
agreed. mom and dad aren’t doing so well on wall street and there’s been a serious allowance cut worldwide.
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//////////Reply by *****
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
@Jessica, i lol’d
//////////Reply by SilverTell
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
@vince, Altbros r 4ever. We can’t confuse the collapse of the neon economy with the extinction of the altbro.
The neon economy has gone through a lot between the rising costs of ntry (cover charges, drinks, tees, sneaks, dSLR), the WACkness (worldwide allowance cut), post-Daft Punk electro fatigue, and the rise of a conceptual forest distinct from Phishheads///deadheads///”drum machines have no soul”heads/////anything”heads” nonconceptual forest.
rip neon economy
Altbros are undefinable though, since they are ‘always changing’ with culture.
Altbros will live on to egocast another day.
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//////////Reply by DancerRobot
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
@vince, they dont move with each other because they realized they cant trust one another anymore.. ever since bro1 made cockblocked bro2 or bro1 fucked one of bro4’s altsluts, or everyone realizing bro3 is a huge mooch… bro packs cant last for long too much emotion mixed with pride… everyone wants to be alphaAltbro, there can only be One. LonerAltbro is what 2k9 is about.. its sort of preAltbag because he havn’t yet established himself in alt community.. no attachment to bros or hoes.. free to do what ever
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i HATE tweens
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//////////Reply by condy cous-cous
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
@im just gonna say it, TRUE STORY.
lets just spend a tuesday night drinking sparks until the sun comes up and appreciate the fact that we have matured and had birthdays beyond tweenhood.
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As long as there are bros who see an opportunity for them to fuck altchicks, there will be altbros.
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//////////Reply by abus
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
@atruck,
I want 2 fuk altchicks.
Post needs more altboobs.
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//////////Reply by SilverTell
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
@atruck, do u mean altbaguettes?
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FIRST!
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first!!!!!
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third? no, first. miss u altbro
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soooooo fucking wrong
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maybe those christian organizations will start doing commercials where they are practically crying with a 3rd world baby in some adobe hut[via anCo via mygirlz] and soon enough theyll be huddling with some alt bro who is crying cuz his freindz [bros] r being ‘exterminated’ by ‘mnstrmrs’. i cant wait!!!
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//////////Reply by SilverTell
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
@panda b3ar, hacksterbro, wish u were funny.
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is that altbro drinking pellegrino? That’s hella alt FAG
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//////////Reply by White Blipster
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
@meemoo, no bro
no
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//////////Reply by anon
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
@meemoo, mickeys
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Attention AltDoods: it may once again b possible 4 u 2 find the ‘altgirl of ur dreams’ [via altbro genocide]. But lost altbro revenue may cause ur fav coffeehouse/divebar/all-ages venue 2 close. even tho there will b no altbros, either equally lame tweens will replace them, or else everywhere cool will start 2 ‘downsize’ due 2 ‘less money.’ mayB this is what D.H. Lawrence meant when he said “only connect.” we must realize that we r all connected [via economix via nitrogen cycle] and use this knowledge 2 positively enhance r lives.
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1st
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http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=15382610
DUSTIN HAS BL00md in2 a gr8 man.
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most of us have flirted with mnstrm/had a mnstrm frend/had an altbro quit and go mnstrm.
is it inauthentic to connect with mnstrmbro but still remember your inner alt?
or is it authentic to connect with the past?
does a little mnstrm help alts reach superaltdom?
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Miss u altbros
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I don’t get this..
Is he supposed to be one of the flight of the conchords??
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tweens crls? :|
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I think the recession cleared them out or they all went to coachella
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maybe wolves got tired of seeing their image exploited on one too many sweatshirts and took back ownership of their image by devouring the altbros?
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i didn’t read the other comments cuz i don’t give a shit, but i consider myself an alt-scenebro. i grew up a skater, became ‘an adult,’ and then stopped ‘giving a shit’ and reverted back. there are not that many of us i think at least in nyc, but i was skating on the lower east side at like 2am last thursday and there were a bunch of altskaterscenebros out skating down there. i don’t personally know any other altbros and don’t know where they hang. which means none of them know me or where i hang. we are an elusive pack even to each other.
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//////////Reply by trying2findmyself
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
@trag, rlly? sounds kinda fggt
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//////////Reply by gheyoki
//////////Posted February 26th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
@trying2findmyself, haha srsly
sounds post scene gone mainstream indie 2 me
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“Hotel Browanda” could possibly be the funniest thing carles has ever typed
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//////////Reply by BROSKI
//////////Posted February 27th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
@AstroCandy,
fa sho
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post needs more tween JB/alt nips/ raverchicks
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“Does n e 1 know if there is an emerging bro group in 2k9?”
N the south, we have mnstrm bros i call THUGNECKS…white dudes that R rednecks that drive raised 4×4s with subwoofers & R rascist BUT listen 2 slowed down top 40 rap & talk N a mixture of ebonics/hick.
i foresee N 2k10 new THUGNECKS that love KANYEbro…the world will have WHIPSTERS.
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//////////Reply by White Blipster
//////////Posted February 27th, 2009 at 12:38 am
@mrenc, tldr; but they will never be big – Alts are world wide!
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the blonde dude used to be a good friend of my brother and i’m not sure but i think he pissed the bed at my house on my brother’s birthday. i was maybe 4 or 5 at the time.
also, i recently smoked a lot of pot and drank with him.
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//////////Reply by Duff
//////////Posted March 1st, 2009 at 4:54 pm
@Jeebz,
Ha Ha! That kid wets the bed all the time!! Tiny grandma bladder for sure!
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i want timberwolf!
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