Note: Photo NSFW if u work in an office environment that doesn’t allow Off-Road Strollers through their porno filters.
Photo by facehunter
Is there a difference between a girl who u want ‘2 hook up with’ versus a ‘girl who u want to spend the rest of ur life with?’ Feels kinda weird how I feel like some girls ‘aren’t worth’ ‘taking home 2 meet ur parents’ because ur parents would be like ‘who is that skank’/'who is that altbro?’ I am not sure what type of relationship u have with ur parents. Maybe u like to ’shock them’ by ‘telling them that u r in love with pieces of garbage’?
Or do ur parents ‘worry about u getting some1 pregnant’? Or do ur parents ‘worry that u’ll get married too young and end up getting divorced, just like them’? Do u ‘take pride’ in ur significant others? Do u feel like when u tell ur parents that u r ‘dating some1′ that they respect u ‘more’, and say ‘my lil kid has grown up–what a beautiful soul’? Do u have parents who ‘get’ u, and ‘love 2 bond’ with ur significant others because they can stop focusing on their failed marriage and start bonding through you + your significant other?
Just trying 2 find the best qualities in a woman. Want some1 who wouldn’t mind pushing a dual-core ergonomic stroller through a public space with me. Want some1 who will ‘love me 4 me.’ Want some1 who ‘won’t start 2 focus on the kids’ after they are born, and keep the attention on me.
It’s hard yall. Not even sure if I am ‘looking 4 love’ or just ‘looking 2 cum.’ Hard 2 know the difference between the two. Feel like most girls who I would meet aren’t ’special’ because they are usually just ‘the last skanks standing’ at a weekly alternative club event. H8 how some ‘relationships’ feel like ur just ‘getting off’ with some1 until both of u ‘find some1 who is closer 2 what u actually want/what u think u deserve.’
Not sure if I am ‘happy with myself’ so I don’t know if I would every think some1 else is good enough. Guess I just wanna have kids so that my ‘perspective on life’ will change completely. Just wanna be a cool dad and raise a kid in an upper-middle class alternative life.
What do u want out of a relationship?
Think I just want some1 who will ’sit on a laptop with me all night’ and ‘make snarky commentary about a hit television show/reality show’ that people in our demographic are ’supposed 2 watch’.
XX BONUS ‘lil ball of turd’ fashion XX
‘poop’ humor: big on HRO in 2k9.5? Or will I just stick with ‘racist post-post-satire’ that ‘goes 2 far’? [via fearing AZNs]
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IAmCarles.com
27 Comments
first, y’all!
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//////////Reply by alternativeprincess
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
@mateooo,
u twittering bastard/asshole/dbag!
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2nd
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//////////Reply by dronik
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
@A$TRO, Bravo!
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excellent post, carles
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PRE NUP!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s like ‘ The Pill ‘ or ‘2condams’…ya know, just in case.
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i think i just wanna find an alt to be my ‘lady’ and settle down in miniml apartment in an alt city with our adopted tween that comes from wherever MIA comes from, but a lil azn would b ‘kool’ 2
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r u breaking up with me? ;\
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yoooo
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if ur gettin a bj + they look up @ u 4 a “split sec” w/ quasi pride+shame + love then its tru <3………
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//////////Reply by до свидания
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
@до свидания, if ur runnin out of coke + they save the rest 4 u instead of lyin about it + snortin it then its tru <3
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//////////Reply by rm
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
@до свидания, согласен
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//////////Reply by до свидания
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
@rm, cпасибо…..
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//////////Reply by sldkjas
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
@до свидания, i h8 u sasha
//////////Reply by до свидания
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
@sldkjas, dont cyberbully me br0 + my name aint “sasha’
//////////Reply by sldkjas
//////////Posted March 30th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
@до свидания, i bet it is
is that a kind of muumuu
pretty sweet
would like to lay in a fetal position crying in that maybe
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//////////Reply by до свидания
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
@tao, it looks ’s0 warm’.
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//////////Reply by ta
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
@tao, diy snuggie?
you could make it and then cry in it. or cry while making it.
just don’t stab yourself with the needle [via blurry vision], unless it’s on purpose to encourage the creation of tears.
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I’d be fine with almost any girl who fancies short hair, wears glasses and listens to magnetic fields.
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more racist posts please
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rly hate condams you guys. just wanna feel the vag on my peen. refuse 2 live life fearing the consequences.
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wish mi mom and dad listen/appreciate anco and see beyond ther largly tween fanbase.
ugghhh H8 Suburbia. <3 NY.
miss ‘here cums the indians’ era anco (via dark basement and minidisc recorded meaningfull chants)
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‘lil ball of turd’ = genius Carles
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Been ready to be married since I was 20.
Told 3 dudes I would marry them before I turned 20 then got upset and ran away.
Really awkward cuz I think my “maturity hormones” kicked in too early for 21st century upper-middle class expectations so now I gotta repress it so I don’t send every dude I meet “running for hills” cuz you don’t get them till later/ alienate my female friends who aren’t into that.
Kinda okay with it.
Turn some dudes down by being like, “I really don’t wanna fuck anyone I wouldn’t marry” but this is a lie cuz I fuck dudes I meet in bars/on the street/at concerts cuz I’m horny and they out argued me.
Waitin’ for someone who can enjoys analytic dialogue/is comfortable reading in silence but at close physical proximity/is good looking so I won’t get hit on for the rest of my life by dudes being like, “He’s not good enough for you”/ my children will have strong genetics.
Thanks for letting me know about keeping the attention on the guy post children. I’ll remember that.
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//////////Reply by до свидания
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
@Andrea, yo ill marry u…..
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//////////Reply by sldkjas
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
@Andrea, slow down
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//////////Reply by rub a dub dub
//////////Posted March 30th, 2009 at 9:04 am
@Andrea, you’re effin’ hawt
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sometimes i think i’m in love, then i cum and it’s like, well maybe it’s not love, but about 15-20 minutes later i’m ready to cum again and i realize maybe that’s what love is after all <3
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//////////Reply by daffy
//////////Posted March 30th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
@dicklightning, yeah… hwat the hell IS that..?
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carles is a fucking racist. this blog is fucking racist!!!!!!!
fuck you carles and i hope this blog is hacked again.
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//////////Reply by louis
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
@ANONY,i dunno, i think HRO is a p0st-post-racist blog, meaning racism is bad but still kinda funnie [via doug & his big jewish nose]
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//////////Reply by BROSKI
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
@louis,
I think carles’ racist jokes are even funnier the more ’sensitive’ they are because you know that some ‘liberal D-bag’ is gonna freak out over it
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i’m too good for any of that
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wanna get married so i can get myself some stylish lil-alt accessories/childs who i can dress up to accent my look
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oh carles i am feeling so down tonight.
the altbro i am secretly in love with doesn’t really care about me at all
and even if he did… i could never see wut my parents think of him because they’re dead
oh carles i think i want to just sleep 4eva :-(
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//////////Reply by ......
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
@……, but carles, i forgot to mention, the poop humor cheered me up. plz more poop humor!
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I’ll happily admit I was always the skank parents h8ed but I became an altbro’s wife and BM who’s parents still hate me because I influence altdad to do drugz and get tattoos and stuff and we live a very alt yet middle class lifestyle.
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dual-core ergonomic stroller
dual-core!
lol!
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ur a fag
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//////////Reply by Jessicauthentic.
//////////Posted March 30th, 2009 at 12:22 am
@blergggy, he is.
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Dis waz saw hawt. I towlly feel the same. U rock my whirl
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I need a ho, period.
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//////////Reply by hey anony anony
//////////Posted March 30th, 2009 at 9:41 am
@Alf In Yo Mouf . com, there are hos in different area codes [via ludacris]
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Crls I just wanna become ur best altbuddy but secretly I will jus be tryn to turn u ghey for me cuz I think ur hells hawt.
PS. Bernhard Willhelm booties ftw
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I feel this
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