Photo via Lookbook
Going away 2 college.
s0 f*ckng scared.
I have become a pretty popular and respected bro
at my high school
But I will throw all of that away
and go to college at a prestigious university
located within an authentic city
not just the state school within 100 miles of my home town.
My mom will go college dorm room shopping
with me
at IKEA, the Container Store, and Target
and we will get into fights about our vision of the room
(Don’t want it 2 look ‘too dormy’
Want it 2 be an authentic space.’
I hope my dorm room is the popular room on my floor
and that my roommate evolves into the best bro of my life.
We will join relevant on-campus groups
and also integrate into our local community
really ‘caring’ about the issues within our collegetown/region
more than we care about global issues
Maybe we will organize protests against our university
and chill inside of the cafeteria
liveblogging and twittering the whole experience
until the mainstream police barges in with guns
Photo via NYU Local
Might even volunteer to wake up early
and paint some stuff
or build some houses
then ‘party’ with the people who I bonded with
as the sun hits our white skin
I will become a new person
in college
in my dorm room
lurking facebook for girls from my classes who
I can pin my hopes and dreams to
One day I will move off campus
and live in a chill ass apartment
that smells like marijuana and body odor
that has a mix of ‘chill’ and ‘bad ass’ parties
becoming a relevant location in the local scene
It has a ‘bad ass’ flat screen that my roommates’ parents gave us.
Dirty bathrooms
Sometimes I will study
staying up all night
To do ‘okay’ on a test
and pass all of my classes
Proud of my 2.7-3.75 GPA because ‘I put like nooo effort into it.’
We will ‘party.’
We will be college students.
We will have fun.
We will find bros.
We will eat all of our meals on campus with
a relevant meal plan program
I will stay in college for _ years.
___________________
Do yall want 2 go 2 college?
Where do yall wanna go?
What do yall wanna learn?
R u in college?
What is/was ur fave part about being in college?
Loading ...
65 Comments
awww, that’s beautiful carles [via being girly]
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//////////Reply by hey anony anony
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 8:19 am
@alternativeprincess, gettin ‘vulns’
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blowjobs.
dirty bathrooms.
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//////////Reply by tao
//////////Posted March 26th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
@MS, yeah blowjobs
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//////////Reply by Brandon
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 8:26 am
@MS, yeah dirty bathrooms
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americans + their universities r all abject failures used 2 opress poor ppl. im not goin 2 saddle myself + parents w/ billions of dollars of debt s0 i can be surrounded by frat br0s.
LIBERATION PARTY THEOLOGY!
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//////////Reply by до свидания
//////////Posted March 26th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
@до свидания, query: y r college students lackin in personal hygiene? every dorm, frat house, etc. is beyond just messy…its rly sad.
i wish it wasnt such i waste bcuz id like 2 learn about “da world’…….
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college is gay
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//////////Reply by anony
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 4:54 am
@merajj, I’m like so ahead of my time…. with no career to show for it. /honestly I don’t think it would have made a shit bit of difference….. besides the unending debt load.
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my elite state school i attend is pretty bro/mainstream. wish i’d gone to a more alt college yall.
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//////////Reply by Hung Fa Lo
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 1:39 am
@d, mainstream is the new alt [via HRO]
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//////////Reply by anon
//////////Posted March 28th, 2009 at 12:57 am
@Hung Fa Lo, 1st
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//////////Reply by panchizzy
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 2:52 am
@d, That’s how I feel about my school, but really who can afford anything else. That’s why I don’t like CRLS talkin smack about state schools. Fuck you and your uncle moneybagz
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carles this post b a low blow. how can u make fun of him this fit is obv a joke!!!
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//////////Reply by pooponyoursoul
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 12:51 am
@asspussy, are you alive?
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//////////Reply by asspussy
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
@pooponyoursoul, what?
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just put in my deposit for nyu film ‘13
i already am planning my protest and coke addition
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//////////Reply by tyler h
//////////Posted March 26th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
@jordan f,
hey buddy.
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//////////Reply by jordan f
//////////Posted March 26th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
@tyler h,
there are no buddies on the interweb
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//////////Reply by Bromosexual
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 7:46 am
@jordan f, I could’ve got into NYU Film if i wanted, instead my parents made me go to a “real” skool.
Will they ever understand my lifestyle?
bein’ azn sux
carles, what college r u attending?
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//////////Reply by Gurkman
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 12:17 am
@br0ofallbr0s, he is attending New York University, the most culturally relevant institution of ‘higher learning’ in the universe. say hi 2 the olsentwinbros!
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//////////Reply by dvdi
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 12:55 am
@Gurkman, so not tru bro, he goes to the university of texas, via Austin.
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//////////Reply by panchizzy
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 2:55 am
@Gurkman, I feel like being an NYU student is like, HOW NYU students define themselves as people. NYU FGGTS
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//////////Reply by anony
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 4:56 am
@Gurkman, An altiversity if you will?
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“u don’t have to go to college” – AnCo
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//////////Reply by flowzz
//////////Posted March 26th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
@blue,
I know that’s what they said, but my interpretation was that they meant you don’t have to finish. as in “taking a year off,” before sophomore year. right.
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//////////Reply by panchizzy
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 2:55 am
@flowzz, Does failing out, going to comm college count as a “year off”
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I got in2 some colleges recently. how do I decide which ones are the most authentic?
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//////////Reply by flowzz
//////////Posted March 26th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
@jesse,
what your need to do is find a way to analyze the “freebox economy” at each school. go to the one with the most active and diverse “freeboxes”.
Additionally, look into the smoking policy at each school. The more forgiving of smoking indoors/close to buildings, the better.
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//////////Reply by flowzz
//////////Posted March 26th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
@flowzz,
also, try to find out how and when the more recent student suicides occurred.
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//////////Reply by anony
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 4:59 am
@jesse, Try to find out which one costs less or can guarantee you a high paying (30k) job upon graduation.
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meaningful/relevant-core. But what of the coke fueled partys and adderall addled all nighters? WHERES THE ROMANCE????
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//////////Reply by SV
//////////Posted March 26th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
@artek, read pulling all nighters before tests
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lul
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//////////Reply by mista
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
this guy is the fucking editors
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jamlando represent!
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go 2 alt college now yall, wanted 2 meet ‘people that get me’ and succeeded in making sum best bros, but mostly met ppl who smoke way 2 much weedz/no ambition :(
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//////////Reply by flowzz
//////////Posted March 26th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
@claud,
soimean, you don’t smoke too much weed and got a plan?
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//////////Reply by anony
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 5:00 am
@claud, You go to art school? Maybe your just not alt?
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ok but a basic logistical Q:
what is the difference between an alt college in an ‘authentic city’ and an alt college in a ’small town in new england/the midwest/the southeast”?
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//////////Reply by xavier
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 2:24 am
@flowzz, as someone who has been at a state school less than 100 miles away from home, and a elite school in a city thats on a AA bag, i can tell you that they are the same exact thing. same activities, same majors available, same ratio of frat boys to alts.
the only difference is that in a public school everyone is a little more relaxed, the classes are a little bit easier, the girls are a little bit sluttier, and the students are a little bit dumber.
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this is what i read hipster runoff for. this is carles’ genius.
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I am already in college at ASU, and to let you know, the meal plans are jokes and wastes of your money, have your parents put some sort of flex dollars on your account if the school offers them.
And most of the friends you make in college from experience don’t even go to my school, and roommates can be the most annoying thing in life.
And be prepared to be fucked over by stupid budget cuts, and make friends with your congressmen and supreme court judges (yes they teach classes here [Sandra Day O'Conner was my prof]).
But then again, I never met anybody who got rejected from ASU!!!
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//////////Reply by hmm
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 12:51 am
@Rashidian, lol asu
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//////////Reply by Rashidian
//////////Posted March 28th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
@hmm, yeah one night at ASU gives you a lifetime of stories!!!
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//////////Reply by pooponyoursoul
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 12:54 am
@Rashidian, are you alive?
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//////////Reply by broooom
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 10:11 am
@Rashidian, = authentic
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CRLS.
you should see my high school. 2 be a ‘cool kid’ u have to be an entry-level alt, and mainstrm-ers are frowned upon.
the amount of Am Appy that is worn on a daily basis is overwhelming.
and yet no one ever goes past entry-level and goes to some mainstream bro/bro-ette college and gets drunk on beer. those posers.
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I miss the smell of beer in the halls on the weekends [via vomit/body odor]
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ah its like im famouzzz
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slutty bitches fucking you when you’re wasted and you don’t have a condom so you don’t want to because she is soooo l000se so she puts a huge condom on you and then you can’t remember her name so she leaves and is mad tels a bro you have to leave and then you see her at a party and she punches you in the face and claims you raped her cause u didn’t remeber her name and you get kicked out of the club and get the cops called on you because you’re trying to get back in but you decide to run from the cops cause you’re beyond wasted and fall off a 15 foot fence on to a hood of a car then when the cops are gone you gotta walk like 33 blocks and sleep in your car cause ur friends are passed out and your phone is dead and eat cold spagettios that you had to break open with a butter knife…..
true story
h8 college sluts
h8 scary rape charge threats
<3 to party
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//////////Reply by Andrea
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 12:05 am
@alcoholwithdrawls,
There there.
Hate that dudes simultaneously “want to get laid all the time” but “want it from a chick who doesn’t get laid all the time” like that wasn’t a paradox.
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//////////Reply by Switters
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 12:31 am
@Andrea, “Fuck polygamy that does not go both ways?”
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//////////Reply by hey anony anony
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 11:43 am
@Andrea, <3 vulns altbros who send ‘mixed messages’
h8 the ‘male gaze’
miss u madonna/whore complex [via intro to art history]
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BORN AND RAISED IN LA
NOW FRESHMAN AT UC BERKELEY.
YOUR POEM IS PERFECT.
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h8 college. just go to develop my personal brand (via dj-ing.) need more quirky indie chicks @ my college to integrate my brand then tug me.
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I actually hate college.
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I go to jr. college bro
I like it, I got into CSUSM.
I ain’t no fuck up.
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I went to college. I tried to find something really out of the way so I wouldn’t have to deal with people who were going through what I did in highschool (gettin’ real drunk and doin’ a bunch of people of both genders and trying to understand my place in “reality”) Just ended up dating some dude I met in Philosophy and getting drunk and trying every drug possible and talking about an “authentic” life via economic restructuring and nomadery. But that got old too cuz I figured the world was really pretty okay economically (????) and didn’t hate hipsters as much as he did and then just moved to NY so I could study them/black people/artists in their element. But really, still hard to find people virtually exploding with their own ideas who are also visually attractive and not are killing themselves via intoxicants to tolerate their own alienation.
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//////////Reply by Switters
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 12:37 am
@Andrea, your last sentence is a bit superfluous, but I think it resonates. (via resin)
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//////////Reply by pooponyoursoul
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 12:58 am
@Andrea, sell your story to zach braff
$$$$$$
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dino might via superfuture ILL!
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fav’t part of University of Utah experience is all the relevant interactions i have had w/azns+mexis [via affirmative action].
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//////////Reply by Rashidian
//////////Posted March 28th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
@Gurkman, there were asians and mexicans in utah? Really?
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hey your website fuckin sucks!!!!!!!! A+ for effort but IT FUCKIING SUCKS!!!! PAINFUL TO READ!!!!! FUCK
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wow, i didn’t realise you were so young! you seem older than a highschool kid.
what are you planning to study?
university is awesome. well the learning part is fun, i don’t know much about the “livin la vida loca” or whatever on campus part.
I have also been at college for ___ years. And counting.
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//////////Reply by *****
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
@aldianabanana,
rofl
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i go 2 college in new orleans
the most authentic alt city (bcuz of water damage/cajun food/pretending you like jazz-influenced music)
ur part about rebuilding houses rlly speaks 2 me
i drank sparks on mardi gras (alt holiday if you show ur tits ironically?) and i thought of you
<3 u carles
miss u sparks
h8 u katrina
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i’m really hoping to go to Pitzer college. I hear back on April 1st! cross yo fingazzz!
ya… i want pretty much all the same things as u. Pitzer is exactly that kind of place but i just dont think there would be any protests. it just seems like a perfect land of happy people. i hope to find “bros” whats the girl version of a “bro”? a sis?
well ya… i just want to enjoy life and have friends who aren’t ashamed to fart in front of me. that is my definition of truueeee comfort. :D
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//////////Reply by Troy
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
@Tara, pitzaaaaaa is for loser alts who aren’t ‘qualified’ enough for Oxy.
h8 that there is an AmerApper in C-mont.
the Inland Empire = mnstrmr.
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ah, to be young.
i wanna go away 2…
i dont think you have 2 b young 4 that n im proud of my age and wizdom
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Having a dorm room that smells like marijuana for obvious reasons and doing ‘okay’ on tests with minimal effort. And all the alt boys.
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yo whats up trevor hey.
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//////////Reply by trevor
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
@max, oh hai!
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//////////Reply by max
//////////Posted March 28th, 2009 at 11:27 am
@trevor, sup b, hope DD was good
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i’m a ‘grad student’ at New York University, which i heard is the most culturally relevant institution of ‘higher learning’ in the universe. i hang with seniors though so it’s like being in college. miss u authentic college experience
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//////////Reply by tragedy in toyland
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 10:13 am
does anyone have an extra ticket to The White Lies and The Friendly Fires tonight at bowery ballroom? i will pay you (the price that you paid for the ticket)
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My edumacation wuz provided by the simpsons school of anarchist satire, and you know what? No one can tell I dont really have a doctorate in Fil Studies.
So, like, ya…dont sweat it yall.
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//////////Reply by DonGabagoo
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 11:41 am
@DonGabagoo, what the F is Fil studies?
Sorry, me meant Film Studies.
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” Me fail English? that’s unpossilble!”
[ via Ralph Wiggum]
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taco bell
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Will go to college in a few months
Face the IB first
Then Graphic Design for 4 years. Become someone relevant.
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going the uni of colorado @ broulder next year.
hope i dun meet 2 many zany bros.
hope i find authentic “friends”
hope i pass out on the bathroom floor of a different dorm floor every week for 6 weeks straight
hope i dont smoke too much “marihuana”
hope i find an alt-broad that i can share my “thoughts,” “ideas,” and “emotions” with via twitter when we’re at our parent’s houses, and sometimes IRL too.
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//////////Reply by caro
//////////Posted March 27th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
@zapzap_itsatrap,
i go there. cu=neon faybans. weed. sts9. mountains.
i like getting involved with the community.
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University of Alaska Fairbanks.
not a very authentic city..
not an ‘alt’ school
feel kinda like a lumberjackbro..
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if the mainstream police barge in with guns, what do the alt police barge in with??
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<3 blink 182
I haven’t been this scared
in a long time
And I’m so unprepared
so here’s your valentine
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oh! going to a real school now?
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Um, that party last night was awfully crazy I wish yall taped it
I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked
Drink my beer and smoke my weed and altbros is all I need
Pass out at 3, wake up at 10, go out to eat then do it again
love college yall
love women yall
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//////////Reply by hmm
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 12:52 am
@yall, love drinking yall
personal brand via asher roth?
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“ANYTHING GOES IN FASHION SCHOOL”
this kid is a fucking douchebag.
FMM blowzz.
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hahhaa, this is hilarious carles. You make me so happy to be different. I’m in college, Suny New Paltz, a first year student and i see all this you’re blogging about first hand. People need to be themselves.
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I’m going to play a shit load of SKATE2 next semester. fuck yesss!
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//////////Reply by AstroCandy
//////////Posted March 28th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
@rolotonybrowntown, playing skate 2 religiously is mos def alt.
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//////////Reply by hmm
//////////Posted March 29th, 2009 at 12:53 am
@rolotonybrowntown, check yourself at the door, gimme some more
personal brand via tim and eric?
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inspired by me?
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The College of Charleston
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i go to community college to keep shit real
and because the alt kids in my school smoked a lot of weed
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where is a hawf? international bro of mystery.
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only reason to go to college is to “start appreciating good music”
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Hecklin’ on Dino now are we?
Carles, you’ve overstepped your satire poetry bounds.
At least find someone without mad beard skills that looks lookbook-stalk worthy.
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NYU is expensive for a reason.
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ha. i go to the university of Alabama. none of that shit here. sad face….
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im going to San Francisco state this fall as a freshmen…..cus i didnt try hard enough in my high school “career” im going to a state school….but i will miss L.A. very much…good times… Cal state L.A is for mainstreamERS! hahaahaa
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lol at you posting sufu’ers on the interoffhipsterweb. poor guy knows clothing but looks like a dolt
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i’m in college. I’ll b graduating by the end of spring. A lil bit sad+nostalgic+scared of ‘being an adult’+ the economies. <3 UC system [via UC Riverside], <3 UCDC program [doing it right now].
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When you describe a situation that relates to my perspective in life I feel the urge to laugh and take part in the subtle irony that you provide via blogging.
I get a sense of superiority because I like now totally understand the simplicity of people’s universe when you describe a demographic so easily in short paragraph/ simple sentence form.
Then I realize that the irony doesn’t really stem from any actual observation and that your really relying on the insecurity of your readers to project imaginary irony into the posts themselves.
I realize that if you take everything that means anything to people and create an ironic/ sarcastic attitude around it then meaning itself comes into question and overall you become very numb inside.
Thanks Carles
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//////////Reply by holy shit
//////////Posted March 30th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
@Maxwell, holy shit.
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Ugh, Make NYU Affordable? NYU is full of rich suburban kids who move here from like Pennsylvania, then try to cop an attitude that they’re “real New Yorkers” the second week in. It is the ultimate breeding ground for hipsters who dress like bums and pretend that mom and dad aren’t rich white people. They’re protesting because they think that’s what cool young revolutionary hipsters do; most of them can afford the tuition, and if they can’t there are plenty of other options that are substantially cheaper.
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//////////Reply by Lola
//////////Posted August 16th, 2009 at 2:38 am
@AC, *hem* i am not rich, i am not from pennsylvania, i am from texas, and i have no intention of ever saying anything else
hi i’m going to nyu this fall
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Yo Carles, I’m going to sva. See you there, man.
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can I playfully tousle your beard?
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holla! that was very lovely to read, i’m going to nyu in.. 14 days, and i want to learn as much about everything as i can
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