It’s weird when u see an altbag couple who seem like ‘they are interesting’ and ‘in touch with the core values of being alt.’ But then u kinda find out that they are ‘rich kids who have been in a relationship since high school’ and they ‘aren’t as interesting as they look.’ They ‘dress alt’-ish, but u get the feeling that they probably ‘paid a lot of money’ for their clothes that look kinda thrifty.
One day, u will observe their relationship in an authentic local coffee shop. U will listen to one of their conversations. They will sound like tweens, making requests for ‘a new Apple book Pro’, anxiousness about their major in French/ Marketing / Fashion / General Design, and talk about ‘being excited’ about ‘going to a concert’ that they think will make them more authentic. Feel weird when you run into this couple doing cliched things like ‘thrifting’, ‘going to a record store and buying records’, ‘reading books/cliched novels in public’, and ‘going Vespa shopping.’ These couples are the kind of couples who actually ‘make future plans together’, and ‘relocate to THE CITY’ together without ‘using it as an excuse to break up.’
Sort of jealous of high level alt bag couples. Feel like both members of the party are usually ‘very handsome’ in some sort of ‘i look beautiful’ way. Not sure if they ‘have good sex.’
It makes me sad because all I can ever day are ‘entry level alts’ who date me to ‘feel cooler’ and ‘get a new snarky perspective on life.’ Or just ‘crazy rich mediocre suburban girl’ alts, who are only ‘alt’ because they couldn’t ‘fit in’ with the mainstream crowd during high school/’pay for friends’ and join a sorority. Feel sad when all of these girls sort of ‘fail’ in their quest for ‘meaning’ in life. Feel sad that altbros can’t give women the love and attention that they truly need.
All I ever wanted was a high level altbaguette.
Feel like we’re doomed. Not sure if 2 people are supposed 2 be together.’
“I believe in a thing called love, yall.” – the Darkness
Are there any high level alt couples in ur local scene who ‘don’t have any friends’ but are ‘always around’ that u are able to stalk?
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IAmCarles.com
37 Comments
i am both parts of that annoying altcouple
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CRLS THERE IS AN ALTER LOVE STORY HAPPENING IN THE BLOGSPHERE: http://gawker.com/5235774/the-hipster-grifter-speaks
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//////////Reply by chorles
//////////Posted May 1st, 2009 at 4:32 pm
@steph golightly,
<3 u tabloid culture
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//////////Reply by louis
//////////Posted May 1st, 2009 at 7:57 pm
@steph golightly, omg its my seoulmate
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i want to be in an altcouple wtih either alice glass, agness deyn, or carles.
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ghey altbag couples r the best [esp lezzys]
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I am pretty sure that Carles has never in his real life ever met an actual hipster.
I am pretty sure that Carles is just a marketing experiment gone horribly awry.
I am pretty sure that Carles has yet to realize how quickly his life is passing him by.
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//////////Reply by design@art.com
//////////Posted May 1st, 2009 at 3:19 pm
@Walt,
i am pretty sure that CRLS is sacrificing his own “life” to give us all “life”
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//////////Reply by Walt
//////////Posted May 1st, 2009 at 3:26 pm
@design@art.com, your Carlesspeak fails without using the word/prefix/suffix alt at least three times per sentence.
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//////////Reply by forumbro
//////////Posted May 1st, 2009 at 4:48 pm
@Walt, CRLS is an altMessiah/martyrbro
//////////Reply by Rabb
//////////Posted May 1st, 2009 at 6:48 pm
@Walt, Whatev you JLZZZ!
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//////////Reply by perezhilton
//////////Posted May 1st, 2009 at 6:51 pm
@Walt, he lives in like austin of course he knows a lot of hipsters
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is that marykate or ashley? can nvr tell
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//////////Reply by perezhilton
//////////Posted May 1st, 2009 at 6:53 pm
@littlesparrow, marykate fuller olsen
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//////////Reply by d-bro
//////////Posted May 2nd, 2009 at 10:55 am
@littlesparrow, mry-kt is the alt one.
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Alt couples ‘do it’ better
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also, crls n i talked abt, n we’re getting married.
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Yer we have a ‘Alterific cupple’ via the horrors/morrisy that are fun to stalk/talk about infront/behind/around/near
pitty is they take enough pictures of them selves to make stalking fun -_- kind of wish megabites costed more.
cant be freaky film stalker man any more :( poor mr Robin williams
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Great observation / true STATEMENT!
So many nights iv been on the town, and find a room (full) of lame ass POSERS – with stupid ass comments…
followed by a generous dose of vapid rambling.
LML
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These are the ugliest examples of an alt couple you could have ever used.
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//////////Reply by mynamesnotalice
//////////Posted May 2nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
@Michelle, HELL yea.
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i wish dare was a blog where people were into thinking about udders and how day think about dem. ya know, sumpin ware peeps can judge peeps and be really be pertentious and what not…or sumthing.
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//////////Reply by ES
//////////Posted May 2nd, 2009 at 3:38 am
@huh, I’m really into udders.
http://uddersinge.com/
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when they preen, do they use eachothers’ hair greases? Can they switch unisex clothing items? do they argue over which mashup is better? do they fap to CRLS?
so many sexi questions to uncover…
I hope they adopt a Britasian. That way the baby will be both azn keut with also a differentiating accent.
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It’s good to see Jonny Deep shaved for once.
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Mozaltoff
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Thanks Carles. Always have thought those people were truly kewl.
“1nce Was Blind, But Now I C” – John 9: 1-38
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//////////Reply by Princess Jazzy Gems
//////////Posted May 2nd, 2009 at 2:22 am
@chorles,
John was an entry-level alt who wore ‘gladiator sandals’…
probably didn’t write his own lyrics via God McCartney.
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this post kinda reminds me of the scene from the entry-level altexistentialist movie i <3 huckabees where jude lawbro plants kafka books in his garbage can
kinda wish more people would appreciate me for being authentic. feel kinda sad. guess i don’t try hard enough/at all to ’stick out like a sore thumb/dumbass’ [via wearing 'thrifty' expensive clothes]
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//////////Reply by steph golightly
//////////Posted May 1st, 2009 at 4:53 pm
@tragedy in toyland, 2nd that
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//////////Reply by ross
//////////Posted May 1st, 2009 at 5:01 pm
“kinda wish more people would appreciate me for being authentic. feel kinda sad. guess i don’t try hard enough/at all to ’stick out like a sore thumb/dumbass’ [via wearing 'thrifty' expensive clothes]”
kinda wish i wrote like carles….. DA-DA
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There’s this alt couple in my hometown I first noticed in 1995 when I was riding my bike in the alley and they were parked making out in his mom’s LeBaron. She was dressed all ‘I can’t believe Jerry’s dead’ and he was all ‘I can’t believe Kurt’s dead’. I would see them around town about once a month commonly in the back of local (shitty) shows sipping soco and talking with other gen xers (trying desperately to hang on to relevance) about how good the ’scene’ was in the 90s. The most recent sighting was on St Pats day this year at a dive in town clad in fresh amap & skinny jeans. Gotta love em for trying.
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Crls i dont think your a high entry alt
I’d bang either way
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Depression is not real. depression is not real. depression is not real. deporesasa is not real. depresa;ksa k real ksdaopoierwhif.m dspodspa’k[ ;’dfsa
fdsjafie0ppcsncncnnnnnnnnnnnpt rea; dsjkaklaslewqouireal not real not real not real dak;k [kp
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//////////Reply by aaron
//////////Posted May 1st, 2009 at 5:20 pm
@daffy, come to group therapy with me sometime. we can fight our alt demons together as a group.
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he’s not alt.
look at his pants.
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whoa nate lowman
he’s a really _____ artist
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mkates twttr mks me vommmmm
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Of course. The most interesting alts have NEVER been from the upper-middle/upper-classes. usually they’re lower-middle or working-class (but generally, not “poor” – since there is such a thing as being so screwed you have no options at all). It’s only recently that the concept of “high level alt” has even been something subculture-types don’t immediately spit in the face of. But that won’t last long, y’all.
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//////////Reply by anony
//////////Posted May 3rd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
@Altbagbasha, Yeah… you can’t be alt and be generous without someone thinking your rich. No I’m just not a douche bag. Trust me, you don’t want to see my credit card statement.
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carles i hope you know it’s not an “authentic” alt couple unless theres an asian in there somwere
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There is a “meet christian singles” ad at the bottom of this page. Irony. Is it ‘Alt’ if you’re a christian that fucks?
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I saw this chicks cunt just last night.
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finally, thanks for a solid post, you always suck me back in, I want to believe there r incredible girls out there, say there ARE, but don’t think even they can give a bro what he needs
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her shades are ray ban, sweater topshop, sandals h&m ok super affordable for Y’ALL U KNOW
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no1’s ment to be 2gether. lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
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“Altbaguette” is sweetest word coinage in the history of HRO.
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h8 when ppl buy expensive thrift. <3 u/h8 u california select
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h8 when ppl try to look like ’starving artists’ via expensive clothes. you either are, or you’re not.
i heard mary kate was real short. this guy doesn’t look that much taller than her in the photo, and she’s not wearing heels either.
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“crazy rich mediocre suburban girl’ alts, who are only ‘alt’ because they couldn’t ‘fit in’ with the mainstream crowd during high school/’pay for friends’ and join a sorority”
so true for me, I can never get an alt girl =/
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alt love is the shweetest. better yet, interracial alt love is the shit.
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shoulda used Aggy D and Phanty Planty guy
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do you even know mko and nate lowman? how could you comment on things you don’t about? seems absurd.
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