photo by lastnightsparty
I always feel sad when a shitty band from my local scene goes on tour. They are ‘pumped’ about their future, expanding their fan base, and get to remind ppl how awesome ‘bein on the road’ is [via facebook status/twitter/etc]. Before going on tour, a band must come up with merch, burn a bunch of CDs for resale, and possibly make a massive stickers+buttons order. Thinking about buying more than just t-shirts this year. Might actually ‘buy a human’ that is branded with our band, and sell him/her as a sex slave. Apparently females buy more t-shirts, so we might sell a male instead of a woman. Might take a good bro on tour to work the merch table.
Feel excited about human trade, and branding humans for profit. Reminds me of when America was ‘actually pretty awesome’ [via slavery]. Kinda weird how different things are now.
My band is taking our bassist’s mom’s van on the road. Gonna try hard not to hotbox it.
It’s gonna be sick. It’ll be a tight squeeze, but I think we’ll remember these hard times when we are touring across the country in a sweet tour bus, playing PlayStation4 and getting our dicks sucked by groupies. We just gotta pay our dues. I know our music is good, and we have a cool layout and a devoted fan of followers on twitter/myspace. We just gotta grow with our local scene, and prove to the bigger cities that we have a really good product. I think if we just keep playing, raise some money for studio time, then put in a lot of hard work to market it and get it into the hands of the right people, then we can do it. Might film meaningful parts of our road trip, then make a ‘tour video’ with our most meaningful song in the background.
This tour is going to be the start of something beautiful.
Going to start working on t-shirt designs. Will probably have a bird, some sort of guitar, and something ‘natural’ with our band name written in a kewl font. Printed on American Appy shirts.
Do yall know any annoying bands in ur local scene who think they are going to make it?
Feel free to post their myspace/twitter URL in the comments, and tell people ‘why’ they are funnie. Like ‘______ is a shitty indie band from _____ trying to make it. They are funnie because the lead singer works at Starbucks and dates the local altWhore.’
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IAmCarles.com
58 Comments
FIRST
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2nd
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AHHHHHH FINALLY.
!!!!!
validation for coloreds everywhere.
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There is this really shitty Pavement rip off band from here in Baltimore that I absolutely hate. Their name is Automine, they will obv never make it out of here or ever be popular to tweens because of catchy dance jingles.
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//////////Reply by Anna
//////////Posted May 27th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
@Gregg G., oh
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this is the cruelest thing i have ever read
shame.
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//////////Reply by marcosaurus
//////////Posted May 27th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
@i got webby feet, get with the times bro
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//////////Reply by andrew
//////////Posted May 27th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
@i got webby feet, if this is the cruelest thing youve ever read then you havent read much
at all
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hro has made me an ambition-less alcoholic.
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//////////Reply by ben
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 1:53 am
@brtue, lol same
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early signs say u forgot about yr massive ‘bros in shitty bands’ demographic, carles
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//////////Reply by yellowPaiges
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 8:22 am
@cp, PassionSHIT I mean PassionPit
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//////////Reply by aoknymous
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
@yellowPaiges,
you.
you are whining about a band that has existed for less than 2 years and produced one album to appear ‘edgy’ and ‘ahead of the times’ to your fellow altbros without providing any real ’substance’ to any argument.
on the internet.
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//////////Reply by yellowPaiges
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
@aoknymous, You are whinning to someone who does not give a shit that you are whining in order to start an argument without providing any substance based on the fact that you are a complete fucking idiot because i was making a reference back to another blog year when Carles made a post and someone commented on it about Carles seeming sincere when blogging about Passion Pit. Good enough for you a hole? I was responding in regards to CP’s comment last time i checked. Not you asshole, I was having a great day and then you had to go and fuck it all up!
//////////Reply by still mad
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
@aoknymous, unless you name is Carles, you go by the display name CP, or you are in that piece of shit Passion Pit band, do not talk to me!
//////////Reply by aoknymous
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
@u mad?
on the internet.
all bands are the same sad story.
except my band, yall
my band is different.
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//////////Reply by clyde
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 2:46 am
@adelaide,
is it cuz u use synths or what?
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//////////Reply by adelaide
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 3:20 am
@clyde,
we’re creating memes.
taking advantage of adventurous tween minds.
synths help.
but a synth doesn’t make the band, man.
a synth doesnt make the band.
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//////////Reply by yellowPaiges
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 8:24 am
@adelaide, You don’t measure up to the expectation.
When you’re unemployed, there’s no vacation.
No one cares, no one sympathizes.
You just stay home and play synthesizers.
//////////Reply by tragedy in toyland
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 8:25 am
@adelaide, couldn’t have said it better myself
Interestingly enough all my favorite bands DON’T seem to work very hard to promote themselves. Some tour, some don’t but many seems to have resigned themselves to the fact that it’s just a fun hobby. I think the bands I like I really self aware. Many are making music that’s so intelligent it virtually assured that they will never make it big…not even pitchfork big.
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//////////Reply by Anna
//////////Posted May 27th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
@anony, ugh
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//////////Reply by Bertrand DeNovo
//////////Posted May 27th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
@anony, Interestingly enough, your comment was not interesting enough.
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//////////Reply by dogboyvan
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
@Bertrand DeNovo, LAWL
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//////////Reply by Kenny G
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 12:46 am
@anony,
“pitchfork big”
barf.
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//////////Reply by UD
//////////Posted May 29th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
@anony,
you couldn’t be more right.
I think a huge reason the best bands are over looked is because peoples perception of honesty, and sincerity in music, and art has been jaded by years of branding; ie: clear channel radio, MTV, and more recently a cultural shift, in this decade especially where itunes/ipod cross promoting with all sorts of different markets, the industry remains tailored to it’s needs, and a result, the best artists go broke, or remain obscure never to be heard.
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=w=
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After the Bomb, Baby! in Jacksonville, FL = a big bag o dix dat think they rad. they b posers wit a microkorg and a trompbone. spew u, u pegboyz! yall shet played an errbody hate yall, boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
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//////////Reply by PREACH ON!!1!1!!!
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 12:04 am
@Rude,
THEY GOTTA BE THE WORST BAND JACKSONVILLE HAS SEEN IN YEARS. STRAIGHT POSIN W/ 2 MICROKORGS=DOUBLE THE POSER GAYNESS. EVERYONE IS TOO SCARED TO SAY THEY SUCK BECAUSE THE LEADERS OF THE DUVAL HIPSTERS THINK THEY ARE IRONIC AND ARTFUL WITH THEIR SHITTY SHOWS.
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//////////Reply by Aw Right!
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 2:30 am
@PREACH ON!!1!1!!!, BLORR is also a shit band! They ain’t even get microkorgs, just a keyboard from best buy with shitty beat. and they think they all hotz. DFA1979 did it 6 years ago, fuck jax beach.
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//////////Reply by yeah dawg
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 9:26 am
@PREACH ON!!1!1!!!, I’m pretty sure one o them guys honked my g-friend
and i thought they wuz gayz.
oooooh cool costume man, not.
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//////////Reply by fuckin a
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 10:20 am
@PREACH ON!!1!1!!!,
ATBB = techno rockabilly duran duran wannabes. i heard half of them don’t even have jobs, yet some how those bros manage to bag fine chicks left and right. also singlehandedly responsible for the spread of the riverside herpez.
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//////////Reply by correction
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
@fuckin a, Leigh A. is responsible for the spreadables.
Heard they bro banged a gurl named Olivia.
Shez a good banger too! I’m a pokin’ at the moment.
Solid Gold is a shitty indie band from MPLS trying to make it. They are funnie because they are awful. They are the indie equivalent of hellogoodbye. LOLRUS.
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//////////Reply by cos
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
i like solid gold :(
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you should sell condoms with justice crosses on them, that’s all that i’d buy
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yall. would it be authentic to use a robo-outfit (via Daft Punks) on next cc concert?
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//////////Reply by habeebajeeb
//////////Posted May 27th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
@altentic, cc isn’t alt n e more, get with these times [via read more blogs]
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//////////Reply by lowser
//////////Posted May 27th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
@habeebajeeb, what is alt these days?
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//////////Reply by kinda keut azn
//////////Posted May 27th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
@lowser, =w=
//////////Reply by zbangzzz
//////////Posted May 27th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
@lowser,
disney/warnerbros remixes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Za-V_lhwGg
http://www.myspace.com/raisehightheroofbeammusic
a band i love to hate. they aren’t horrible. just try too hard.
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//////////Reply by my mom and dad are o
//////////Posted May 27th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
@anonymous,
“It’s a highly enjoyable mix of folk rock and indie-pop, all sung with an emphasis on loose harmony and played with an ear for the dramatic. I’m very excited to hear what this band is capable of next.”
-James Burns, Pop Headwound
i’m also excited to hear what th….no, wait. i’m not
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//////////Reply by Bertrand DeNovo
//////////Posted May 27th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
@anonymous, the sound of eunuchs with neckbeards earnestly harmonizing.
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//////////Reply by adelaide
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 3:24 am
@Bertrand DeNovo,
LOL@urjks
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http://www.myspace.com/babybear
everyone in this band is trying to make it big in the music business in one way or another, not to mention their band trying to make it big. they all love country but they make emo. either way, theyre fucked.
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//////////Reply by BK
//////////Posted June 3rd, 2009 at 6:47 am
@martin, 80k have viewed baby bear’s myspace page, but only 50k have actually listened to a song.
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CARLESTOUR 2001!!!! merch available: 1 sex slave, male
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being in a band is fun, if you like the challenge of writing songs, you should try it. if you want easy pussy, go to a fucking club…
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//////////Reply by adelaide
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 3:39 am
@UD,
it is very fun.
makes existence that much more purposeful, yall
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//////////Reply by UD
//////////Posted May 29th, 2009 at 11:38 am
@adelaide,
I can only guess by your little comment, that you’re trying to be cute, and smart.
maybe you don’t think that there is purpose in it, because you still listen to shitty music, and wear dumb shit when you walk out the door, but maybe someday you’ll get over yourself.
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//////////Reply by adelaide
//////////Posted May 29th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
@UD,
haha easy there, tiger.
i’m a proud musician. i love my band/music.
we should be friends! none of these aggressive assumptions…
writing music is my favourite thing in the world
//////////Reply by Mechrobioticon
//////////Posted May 29th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
This is all a big ol’ pile of shit. From the “easy pussy” to the sarcastic social commentary +”yall” to getting pissed that someone teased your band to spelling “favorite” with a “u”.
The only good that came from this at all was the word “tiger”.
The rest just hurt my feelings.
//////////Reply by UD
//////////Posted May 30th, 2009 at 10:10 am
@adelaide,
I apologize.
I made an accusation based on context I thought you were using. I tend to feel a lot of narcissism coming from the posts here.
I play music too.
sorry.
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//////////Reply by adelaide
//////////Posted May 31st, 2009 at 8:50 am
@UD,
no probs!
hit us up with some of ur stuff if you’ve got any
(via sending facebook/myspace/twitter/bebo/interwb link)
haha and i think Mechrobioticon doesn’t realise the english/australian/rest of the world usually adds the u in favourite.
i think he might just need a hug.
sigh/lolz
vans are legit.
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//////////Reply by daffy
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
@nobrandlikehome.com, ovr vans. yr blog brand is lacking.
‘abe vigoda is a shittie indie band from LA trying to make it’
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//////////Reply by daffy
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
@daffy, They are funnie because the lead singer works at Amoeba and is a ghey.’
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//////////Reply by daffy
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
@daffy, hahaha funnie
‘got my vans on but they feel like sneakers’
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//////////Reply by Henderson (real nme)
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 12:35 am
@nobrandlikehome.com, got the pack sign my vans now they’re ‘legit’ sneakers
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Air War is the shittiest band in Portland, OR.
Trust.
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loved the post, was excited for the comments, sadly disappointed.
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//////////Reply by tragedy in toyland
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 8:27 am
@The Man in the Hat, wait til you see mine, i’m just reading through all the others til i post it to make sure nobody made the same joke
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//////////Reply by yellowPaiges
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 8:29 am
@The Man in the Hat, agree
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haha solid gold sounds nothing like that band.. if you don’t like them come up with a better comparison at least
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Going to shows/touring= sooo 2k7
I only tour in weekly songmeme form (except in China)
but I don’t plan to ever “make it”
however, I may someday become blurbable/quotable, which can then be parlayed into althos/ xmeaninfulx conversations (Potentially involving “ideas” or “insights” but probably centering on recently leaked conceptualcore.)
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On the flip, New Rock Church of Fire is actually a band worthy of the hype. Out of DC.
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http://myspace.com/waaaaaaahroflcopter
Woah Helicopter is a shitty indie band from Dev trying to make it. They are funnie because the lead singer works at Starbucks and dates the local altWhore.
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//////////Reply by tragedy in toyland
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 8:27 am
@clarence, what’s a ‘Dev?’
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//////////Reply by hiyabye-a
//////////Posted May 29th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
@clarence, working @ starbux is authentic. benefits, yall. also, their musix not bad.
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Make penis-shaped anythang (straws, t-shirts, pantsies[tight], blow graftings, slums for white ppl, drugs and etc.) they will love U forever. 4-EVA.
A vagina-shaped clam or any other female/animal reference wouldn’t hurt, bro.
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http://www.myspace.com/whereisbabar
is a philadelphia band trying but will never make it, two 4 foot tall trolls and douchey bass player who can’t retain a drummer
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//////////Reply by Sean Swadleknock
//////////Posted June 8th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
@poststructuralistbro, you imperialist pachyderm
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http://www.myspace.com/thegalleryrock
really really bad. i knew a girl who dates one of the guys in this band. I guess they had shows with lovedrug or as tall as lions or something, but they will not make it. i hope
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//////////Reply by fortune
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 2:52 am
@anonymous, myspaces with the huge graphic on top of the page is a surefire tip off of a shitty band right bros?
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//////////Reply by mr unkovich
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 6:22 am
@fortune, right.
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BREAKFAST MOUNTAIN is the shittiest band in Portland, OR.
sounds like a pile of dump midafternoon, after u’ve eaten ur brkfst. But tinkling out in sharp shapes
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http://www.myspace.com/etjusticepourtous
Justice is a shitty indie band from France trying to make it. They are funnie because the lead singer works at Starbucks and dates the local altWhoré.
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Tell me when you’re in San Fran.
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THIRTY THIRD!
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One time i used 2be in2 this band called zolof the rock and roll destroyer from philly. turns out they were sorta dickz. oh well…sw33t synth lines.
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//////////Reply by KingJelle
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 3:53 am
@I am Nietzsche,
orchid 4 life
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//////////Reply by I am Nietzsche
//////////Posted June 3rd, 2009 at 11:40 pm
@KingJelle,
4real
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//////////Reply by STVNS
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 6:10 am
@I am Nietzsche,
plays pretty for bro
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//////////Reply by I am Nietzsche
//////////Posted June 3rd, 2009 at 11:40 pm
@STVNS,
mean old bro
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myspace.com/writeasonnet
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I used to be in this band called The Christian Castle with the local altWhore Alice Glasscandy. But i was too busy working at Starbucks via Art Degree.
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http://www.myspace.com/pawf
Hailing from Helsinki/Tampere, they’ve been trying to make it out Finland for two years now.
They aren’t shit but we don’t have Starbucks in Finland.
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http://www.myspace.com/iamrevolutionlv
I personally know the members of this band… I asked the drummer or something to define what type of music it was… stumped, he asked me to wait a minute and called the lead singer. He replied confidently ‘deathcore.’
Tut tut
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this group Banned Books from jersey, has got to be the worst band on the east coast. they are hilarious because they all shoot heroin and suk each other’s dix ALL day long. I saw them play once and they didn’t even have keyboards. fuck this band.
http://www.myspace.com/ilovebannedbooks
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there’s a band from my scene called The Interpols, think they might have ‘made it’ though [via changing their sound to have more mainstream appeal]. think i skipped my junior prom to see them, felt like i was really ‘part of something’
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//////////Reply by adelaide
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 9:41 am
@tragedy in toyland,
good thing (you checked and made sure) no one used this joke before you.
xoxo
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//////////Reply by hey anony anony
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 11:46 am
@tragedy in toyland, ur post made me miss reviews that overuse the word ‘angular’
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This band just might make it!
http://www.myspace.com/driverf
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NATURE BOYZ from caddy, mich are pretty ‘legit’
just a couple of bros makin some sweet altpostpartyrap t00nZ
they’re all hopelessly addicted to poppers tho ya’ll
nawt gonna make it
myspace.com/natureboyzmahfucka
myspace.com/natureboyzmahfucka
myspace.com/natureboyzmahfucka
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what happens when all the songs get written? i guess thats how ac got popular.
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http://www.myspace.com/mylastflight
be warned, you may become limp wristed within seconds of entering that site. my band played with him once and he had a table covered in eating disorder pamphlets. its a shame, looks like some pr’d his myspace cuz it used to have a personal history, including details on going away to the state hospital. his bulletins are priceless, ie “what do yall think about this war in iraq? not kewll at all.” etc etc.
accidentally listened to a song and yup, look at that… i just grew a vagina.
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new HRO gimmick: letters from Carles’ free-spirited mom about TV appearances relevant to the alternative bro (via grizzly man)?
http://www.drownedinsound.com/in_depth/4136948
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ok now everyone is just really plugging their own crappy bands
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//////////Reply by Joshbro
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
@yellowPaiges, I’m gonna start one right now. We’ll be called ‘Send in the Frowns’. Do you want in?
going for a Passion Pit/Bell Biv Devoe vibe. I don’t have/know how to play any instruments, but I have lots of ‘energy’, and garageband.
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//////////Reply by still mad
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
@Joshbro, no thanks bro…I have a super cool reputation to obtain. And sounds like your band is going to be super shitty so this blog is the perfect place to start it. But if you want to be progressive, even more prog than all the members of The AnCos/MGMTs/The Radioheads IF…they were all on acid in the same room at one time then I suppose we can talk.
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//////////Reply by yellowpages
//////////Posted May 28th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
@still mad, sorry i was under my decoy name
Atomic Bride is a shitty rock band from Seattle trying to make it. One makes speakers, one makes maps, one makes software, and two collect unemployment.
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hands down… the winner…
http://www.myspace.com/thetalkabout
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for real… if you like bros, beer pong, played with suits on… this is for you.
http://www.myspace.com/thetalkabout
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//////////Reply by alternalt
//////////Posted May 29th, 2009 at 12:45 am
@A-Money, is this Reed or do u just have the same name as rap legend a-money from a-money/b-time? loll either way
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//////////Reply by A-Money
//////////Posted May 29th, 2009 at 10:05 am
@alternalt, nah im new. this was just priceless.
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Have yall heard of the local band The Fleet Fox’s??? Think they’re from the mountains or something. Think they might ‘make it’.
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http://www.myspace.com/akidnapincolor
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//////////Reply by BlisterPlease
//////////Posted May 31st, 2009 at 6:57 pm
@SirNella, dudes have already made it [via AP mag]
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forever the sickest flipside [via dfw]
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i used to dabble in synth
then wurly
now casiotone obv
l8er vibrophone
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The Infidels is a shitty indie band from the Burg trying to make it. They are funnie because the lead singer works at ??? and dates the local altWhore. “She loves to dance she knows how to party alone. She kicks her boots off and she pulls herself on everyone that she knows.”
They’re so self-aware, yall!
“Another shit band on the radio
Hey, if they could have a shit band I could have a shit band too.
And even if we get signed I promise that every song will be a shitty song too.
A hundred million wrongs don’t make a wrong right a right wrong a right right wrong
A hundred million wrongs don’t make a wrong wrong a wrong wrong a wrong wrong
[the local altWhore] said,” – The Infidels
http://www.myspace.com/infidels
Maybe they should sell controversial, Danish cartoons of Muhammad wearing a bomb-turban [via Kurt Westergaard]????
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Theres this band from brooklyn trying to make it called golden-wolf-panda-triangle. They sound like passion pit crossed with beatles and have an awesome lead singer who can plays a micro-korg. He/she sounds like vanwyngarden and kevin barnes/regina spektor and leslie feist.
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Who ever said you have to be big to make money from music, Who ever said theres any money to made from music.
Too many bands try hard to get big, and there all mostly shit.
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i’m a huge rich famous rockstar. and you’re not.
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I work for a company that focuses soley on touring band merchandise design and production. If anyone is interested in getting some merch designed please let me know!
Bill
Music Imprints
615-829-6858
myspace.com/music_imprints
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