Photo via lookbook
My parents kicked me out of the house. I lived in a drug dealer’s apartment for several weeks, until he expected me to pay him rent with sexual favors. I found a cozy nook underneath the Main Street bridge. Every night, I curl up on a piece of cardboard, and find myself doing something I haven’t done since I became an atheist at 6 years old–I pray. I pray to any one who will listen: God, Jesus, the Virgin Mary, Allah, Osama Bin Laden, Barry Obama. I pray hard.
One morning I came downstairs expecting to pour myself a bowl of Cinnamon Toast crunch and eat it on the couch while watching reruns of Project Runway and The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Both of my parents were waiting at the table for me. They had my pipe on the table, as well as 1 gram of dank, a lil bump of coke, a stack of pornographic DVDs, and a poster board of LSD. They said “What is this?”
I replied, “I’m sorry. I’m going through an experimental phase.”
Mom: “Experiment my ass!”
Me: “It’s not like you never did any experimenting during ur youth.”
Dad: “We don’t want you to make the same mistakes that we did.”
Mom: “Your dad is right.”
Me: “I don’t even know why you’re confronting me about this when u have problems of your own.”
Mom: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Your dad and I are doing well.”
Me: “You know dad cheated on you with that waitress from Chili’s. I can hear through the walls at night.”
Dad: “That’s enough!”
(mom starts sobbing uncontrollably, leaves the room…silence for 5 minutes)
Me: Well… are you done? I’m going to eat some CTC (cinna toast crunch).
Dad: Listen to me you little shit. I brought you into this world with my semen, and I can take you the fuck out. If you want to live under this roof, you need to get your shit together, and respect me.
Me: Why did you cheat on mom?
Dad: I didn’t cheat on your mother….we’re not getting into this. I left a cup that I need you to fill up with pee. Please go do that soon.
Me: Why do you need to drug test me if you know I am already on drugs?
Dad: Once again, this is about respect.
Me: I don’t respect you.
Dad: Get the fuck out of my house.
Me: FINE.
I went to my room and put all of my favourite clothes into a bag. I had $60 to my name. I put my Macbook into my computer bag, and left the house through the backdoor. Eventually I found out that there are no wireless networks under bridges, and the ones that do show up require a password.
Every day I go to a local coffee shop to look for jobs, and stay relevant by reading alt websites. However, I am feeling like maybe ‘being alt’ doesn’t even matter. Maybe now that I am on my own, I won’t care about social subcultures any more. I just want to be able to feed myself every day. I’m never going back home again. Not to that fucked up family.
I think I’ll make it on my own. Maybe I can get a job at Am Appy, and save up enough money to buy an efficiency. I think I’ll make it. They say that the hard times are what really make u “you.” Sorta like what Steve Carrell told Paul Dano in “Little Miss Sunshine” [via Proust]. These are hard times, but I think I’ll get through them and my life will be more meaningful.
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IAmCarles.com
47 Comments
u found my jrnl, s00 sad 2day :(
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//////////Reply by Breanna
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
@My Parents Kicked Me Out OF The House..
Okay doesn’t really seem like your parents kicked you out, looks to as if they actually cared, and all that they where trying to do was help you out.
Seems like you are blowing all of this WAY out of proportion then it should be. What you need to do is go back to your parents and explain everything. I mean if you dont have a job, how did you get a mac, and your cereal?
Looks as if they actually cared, and that one fight you took to far. Idk Why your wasting your life on drugs but thats not for me to say.
And if you are not going to go back to your house than at least do yourself a favor and go to the police. They can help you out. One You’ll be an award of the state and they will help pay for stuff. Another go to your school and see if they do the program of where they pay for an appt for you to live in. Third, get emancipated, sense they kicked you out, you can get emancipated with no cost. But i do think that your parents have to pay? I dont know you will have to look that up for yourself.
sincerley
Bre.
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hehehehehe @ CTC and life-path-cliches
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//////////Reply by Mightytaiger
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
@MS,Damn Carlsy, these really ARE hard times for you, there was very little “internet words” and “ya’lls” if any…I almost feel as if you are becoming “a real adult” or that maybe this is a true story….
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awwh you poor thing
u can come live with me
im ceecee nd i know how to party
look at this
http://c3.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/95/l_e0304ee4453a4864a66760fdb9216102.jpg
dont i look like a hawtee girl who knowos how 2 have a godo time?
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//////////Reply by anon
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
@le CEECEE, no
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//////////Reply by Baberaham Linkin
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
@le CEECEE, why are you always posting pictures of urself? Are you some broad who is desperate for attention? plz stop this.
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//////////Reply by august
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
@Baberaham Linkin, she fooled you
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//////////Reply by Rob
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
@le CEECEE,
Ugh, North Americanized Azns suck.
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//////////Reply by just another bro
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
@Rob,
eat shit! i prefer azns who can speak teh ingles. ps fewer sexual inhibitions = ++
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//////////Reply by riiiiot
//////////Posted June 6th, 2009 at 12:49 am
@Rob, i disagree.
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//////////Reply by yuznump
//////////Posted June 6th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
@Rob, ‘eat dirt’
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//////////Reply by anon
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
@le CEECEE, you do look like youre down to fuck, tho
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//////////Reply by sabby
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
@le CEECEE, eh uh how do i say this
naw nig
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//////////Reply by riiiiot
//////////Posted June 6th, 2009 at 12:50 am
@le CEECEE, i really kinda h8 u, dude.
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//////////Reply by megatitz
//////////Posted June 6th, 2009 at 9:50 am
@le CEECEE, looks kinda like you got smacked in the face via baseball bat.
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//////////Reply by Jessica
//////////Posted October 21st, 2009 at 4:01 am
@megatitz,
Good one
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Thnk u, Carles, for discussing the meaningful issues!! Some may think this is a joke but when ur 25 its reality
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//////////Reply by EPICFAILSAFE
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
hahahahaha…. 25 is the new 12 midnight, the illusion of youth is the new glass slippa OH 4 RLZ. staving it off like flesh eating bacteria.
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<3 this post. damn. s0 conceptual.
“evryday i lie awake & pray 2 God 2day’s the day
oh noooooooo” (x2) [via kidz choir]
–pashy pit
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i fuckin love cinny toast…
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//////////Reply by jordan
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
@jordan, but i h8 milk… is milk alt or not? some1 please help me out here.
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//////////Reply by Rob
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
@jordan,
Loser.
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//////////Reply by justmeeee
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
@jordan,
soy milk, DUH
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//////////Reply by Mightytaiger
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
@justmeeee, Soy milk is s0 not Alt anymore, it’s contributing to the destruction of the Amazon…yeah, that one place that MIA sings about on her first album…
I think now hemp is the “it” food or just to not eat things that require milk or a substitute…THAT seems quite alt…
wish i was a really attractive homeless person with no friends or acquaintances
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//////////Reply by anon
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
are tevas alt?
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So it turns out it hards to get a job at AmAppy. I think they’re becoming too mainstream. with their open calls and such.
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ur 2legit2quit.
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As long as you’re not on crack you’ll be fine
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This post is totally unlol.
I was a derelict for like 129834739847543928 years and it nearly ruined me.
Collecting enough cans from garbages to buy 2 mad dogs every day what the fuck.
Carles, I don’t mind when you h8 azns, radical islam or lady gaga but this is totally fucked.
Never reading this blog again (again).
Hope you go to hell after you die tomorrow.
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//////////Reply by manbaby.
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
@!_~!, lol
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//////////Reply by anonmy
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
@!_~!, lolz at pissy posthobos
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//////////Reply by august
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
@!_~!, if you were azn, radical islam or lady gaga and not ex-homeless would you still h8 this post?
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//////////Reply by *+*BrOkEnDrEaMs*+*
//////////Posted June 6th, 2009 at 6:08 am
@august, sumtimes its not about the h8 but more about the undying belief that 1day… there will b an end
n end 2 the hardship
n end 2 the f4gs
the day is coming
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dude, i love Chili’s. feel bad it ruined your family life tho, carles. bet you can’t even dine there anymore (via painful memories). sux. you can crash on the couch at my place and try to hook up with my girlfriend while i’m at work if you want.
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//////////Reply by SilverTell
//////////Posted June 6th, 2009 at 1:52 am
@alt hombre, *giggle*
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laffed, but also remembered this dude Matt Switzer.
he was liek 20 and homeless and used to do heroine.
i made out with him at a party, then we talked.
his story was much like this one.
miss you matt, you were hella cool.
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//////////Reply by eskimopie2012
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
@Madi B,
o_o
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//////////Reply by lil wayne
//////////Posted June 6th, 2009 at 1:24 am
@Madi B, MATT SWITZ?? U OUT THERE BRO???
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//////////Reply by Madi B
//////////Posted June 6th, 2009 at 11:17 am
@lil wayne,
idk. plz write semi-contagious rap ballad to find/over-hype matt.
give him small portion of profit and CTC plz.
thnx weezy.
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//////////Reply by lil wayne
//////////Posted June 6th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
@Madi B, a ‘matti’ a ‘matti’ a ‘matti’ etc.
whoa man, shit sux. If ur eva in tha nodak (north dakota aka the most alt place ever!!!11!!!) you shud hit me up on tweets
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my folks found my pipe and ‘dank’ some time ago… pops thought it was a ‘crack pipe’, but my mom quickly corrected him stating, “don’t you see the marijuana right there?”. totes didn’t care. they’re probably disappointed or something, and most likely just ‘lowered their expectations of me’.
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whoa, I thought daniel francis doyle coined “CTC.” I was robbed.
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facial tat’s complete the puzzle yall. way alt.
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never sure how sarcastic you are being but either way (sarcastic or real) i think you could really use this experience:
http://www.wwoof.org/
maybe you would find an identity beyond “alt bro” so you can feel good about yourself. let’s face it. “alt” is just not very alternative and it’s not enough to embody a person.
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//////////Reply by chrises
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
@concerned, thanks for reaching out bro, I planted an organic pea patch for you
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//////////Reply by Anom
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
@concerned, Gay
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Carles is the Proust of this modern, zany world.
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soul
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sooo0 sick of lookbook
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I quit reading this blog a few months ago because it got redundant. Checked back today to see if anything has changed. It hasn’t. HRO = no longer ‘culturally relevant’?
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this is sad crls. come party in Louisiana with me. when i say party i mean eat burritos and play with my kitten.
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//////////Reply by riiiiot
//////////Posted June 6th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
@NIck, hahaha.
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Don’t ’starve’ Carles
will ‘do what I can to help’ [via leaving my pennies on the ground]
Don’t ‘die’ Carles. <3 u
Please write soon.
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im sorry carles, at least you have itunes
here’s a gift from my corporate friends
Open iTunes and click iTunes Store.
Click Redeem under Quick Links.
Put in 67Y773EJ9E77
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Couchsurfing.com baybee!
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they look like the traintracks in north philly i used to go to and shoot dope whilst smoking crack.
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Have faith! You’ll make it trough.
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Listen you little FUCK. Maybe if you’re ’stop feeling so entitled’ to chill and do drugs all the time, u’d respect ur dad a little bit more and he’d ‘put a roof over your head’. if I were u, i’d save up enuff money asking people for change outside of the drive in at JacksIntheBox and Smoothie Kings to buy your dad some ties and golf balls and act like a real fucking son. AND GET CLEAN/SOBER.
God you fuck. Do you really live in Louisiana, Carles? My bros and I figured you do because you mentioned the Molly RIngwalds in your ‘fuck evrything feed’. If so, I can help you the fuck out. We’re gonna be at the Spanish Moon tonight seeing Pashy Pit if you wanna connext back with reality.
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//////////Reply by anonymous
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
@brofan, what?
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//////////Reply by adelaide
//////////Posted June 5th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
@brofan,
hahaha.
the big bro crles nvr had.
or wanted.
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win
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I think u’re a proper dick
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damn crls
r u writing the next season of the popular ‘alternative tween uk drama’ SKINS?
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cant sleeeeeeep
im soooo bored – Wavves
http://www.einekleinenachtmusik.tv/
must be full screen
must be late nite
must be tired and feeling groovy
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“Dad: Listen to me you little shit. I brought you into this world with my semen, and I can take you the fuck out.”
Your dad is (dirrty) Cliff Huxtable?
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homeless AND exceeded photobucket bandwidth, time to find a new alt image hosting site with a larger limit.
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carles,
this is your mother. we need to talk.
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//////////Reply by riiiiot
//////////Posted June 6th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
@ms. robbins, thought carles was mexican [via ms. rodgriguez]
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//////////Reply by dude
//////////Posted June 6th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
@ms. robbins, he mite be “finding his own way in life” 4 nw
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the timing of this post and my current situation is a but creepy
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“Eventually I found out that there are no wireless networks under bridges, and the ones that do show up require a password.”
LOL
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Carles, is this the screenplay ur writing? Why do I not believe a word of it. If it’s true move to Colo they really know how to take care of the homeless and mentally ill ppl. Luv the Proust mention. You’ll make it.
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you’ve got your big cheez, i got muh hash pipe.
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didn’t realize this was a social networking site. wow.
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jesus this is so depressing
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dammn. y don’t you get paid dollars for your blog? gutter, as we say in UK. y don’t u get advertisers on here? then you’d make a bill and live dandy – weed in hand.
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Don’t worry, I think we all go through this in life, at least most of us.
It’s difficult time, but its a good way to reflect.
You may end up going back to your parents, Or… you might end up struggling to get up on your feet.
You seem to have some very generous strangers on here offering you a roof over your head, and Im sure you know lots of people where you live that can help out a bit too.
Hang in there, it’s going to be tough, but you can make it through.
I’ve been there, and Im still doing o.k.
Good Luck.
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what is this carles.
:/
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well my parents and i got into a big fight and they kicked me out and im staying wit a friend and im still in school and i wanted to get some cleans clothes for school and they wouldnt let me into the house. and if i came in that they would call the police on me and have me sent to jail….dont i have my rights still to get MY clothes? and cnt i go to the police to help?
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well i had some problems with my parents too, but now ive a good job in traunstein. i hope you’ll find some help! dont hung up..
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//////////Reply by bob
//////////Posted October 26th, 2009 at 6:20 am
@immobilien chiemgau, pitchfork.com replace the p and f with d’s, and carles is then exposed in that url….now that is carles, some fat retarded lat bro
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