Photo via BJthePandaBear
I have never climaxed with another human being. I have ‘been with people’ but I still have never ‘came’ bc of a vagina, mouth, or bum hole. I mean, I really love the people I’ve been with, but I’m always just really uncomfortable since we have to ‘do it’ in public places. I want to make love to some1 in a place where I am comfortable. Really looking forward to my dorm room so that I can bring people home to sleep with.
The truth is, I want to make love to my true lover for the first time on top of an AZN. I was reading in AZNmagazine that utilizing an AZN as a bed/love seat / futon is really effective, and actually helps you thrust into your lover. Whether it is a man or a woman, if you are on top of an AZN, you can reach your lover’s gSpot 45% more effectively. I really wanna try it out, yall. Going to IKEA to buy one this weekend. ^_^
I remember in the past, I wanted to buy an AZN, and I came up with ’snarky’ descriptions abt what would be the best part about owning an AZN, but I failed to see that human furniture might be a huge trend. I read that in the Bruno film, Paula Abdul utilizes ‘filthy mexicans’ as furniture or something.
When I start design school, I will find a way to convert humans into functional objects/household tools. From what I understand, our Earth is overpopulated, and there aren’t enough jobs. I feel like some ppl should ‘find happiness’ by doing something simple like ‘being a reclining chair’, or possibly putting a piece of glass on their back and ‘chilling as a dinner table.’
Might get this TV stand, but my HDTV is ‘fucking huge’ so not sure if that is stable enough.
Would be chill to get a ‘bro shelf’ but might ‘turn ghey’ if I see peens too often.
I feel like a human Dorito holder would probably be something that would go well in my apartment.
Just want 2 build a comfortable home, where I feel safe enough to ‘climax’/'cum’. ^_^
Previous Posts about Human Trade
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/human-trade
Previous Posts about buying an AZN
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/09/what-would-u-do-if-u-bought-azn-reader.html
Photograph from when my AZN tried to escape and I had to go ’spotlighting’ in the wilderness of Los Angeles to try to ‘find’ (recapture + punish) him
If u could buy 1 piece of human furniture, what race + type of furniture would it be?
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IAmCarles.com
50 Comments
AZNs
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Half-surprised Carles lives near the wilderness of LA
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that decorative girls thing is ew. Sry to sound close minded, but why do some ppl like SM? Is it psycoschematic or wtv
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//////////Reply by KAWAI
//////////Posted July 30th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
@dee, r u a 14yr old grrl
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this post made me ‘feel good’
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thnkng abt a human ’shoehorn’. feel like an azn might b ‘just the right size’.
podcast?
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yall, i read on the internetz that u can just grow azns, very similarly 2 how u grow sea monkeys. can n e 1 tell me if this is true b4 i go spending ‘all that money’…
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I hrd Carles is a ‘core-group’ of ‘writers’…not just 1 bro.
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//////////Reply by Sayyy
//////////Posted July 30th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
@ALL I DO IS PARTY,
think this ‘core-group’ of writers are ‘mostly AZNS’ from NYC who use this blog to ‘enhance their own personal brand’ [via self deprecating humour]
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//////////Reply by BlipsterCambridge
//////////Posted July 31st, 2009 at 6:19 am
LOFL
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i am so offended! u r s000 racist crls. i have had sex on top of a wide variety of minorities, and it is wrong to say that azns are the best at it. my human furniture collection is a showcase of DIVERSITY, because i am a GOOD PERSON, unlike u.
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this post was a lot better than the one about hootie.
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I thought he screwed that runaway asian girl…
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Azn ceiling fan! Always stay cool.
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In the state where I live, if you get human furniture, you have to pay for their health insurance. Fuck that. Stupid Democrats.
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//////////Reply by snarkyandting
//////////Posted July 30th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
@YEEF, hate u barry
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chick looks like she’s rubbing the chip on her nose in preparation of eating it. human furniture seems weird and lumpy.. probably wouldnt last more than a week in my place
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mmmm not sure what race I would pick!
Probably caucasian, in other words GRINGOS…
not very sure if they can actually work.
Would like a caucasian human table to place my margarita while chilling out in Acapulco, Los Cabos or Playa del Carmen with the mexican senators´ sons and daughters.
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//////////Reply by BlipsterCambridge
//////////Posted July 31st, 2009 at 6:27 am
In this economy, white people aren’t worth it ‘pound per pound’.
Get yourself a nice ‘Mexi-alt’. extremely cheap. Although, they’re a little like plimsols, spray em’ down n let them air out for a few days.
They’ll be good to go yall!
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Impressed that all fourteen of you failed to ‘answer the question’.
I’d do it on a pair of Swedish acrobats. They’re tall, skinny, strong. Flexibility is essential. Plus I could swap her for my actual partner.
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//////////Reply by ne pas
//////////Posted July 30th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
@ReggaeTuna, failed 2 answer the question = u only get partial credit 4 class participation 2day
mom’s gonna b s000 mad when she sees my report card yall!
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//////////Reply by ne pas
//////////Posted July 30th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
@ReggaeTuna, upon review, hav 2 say that u didn’t answer the fucken question bro…
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//////////Reply by ReggaeTuna
//////////Posted July 30th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
@ne pas, It’d be a love cushion.
Your mom should be mad. How are you gonna explain the F+ you got in English?
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//////////Reply by ne pas
//////////Posted July 30th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
@ReggaeTuna, (will not allow sum fggt 2 make me feel all vulnerable abt my performance in high school. not even posting this comment. or at least putting it in parentheses so u can’t read it)
Sad that you h8 azns. Thought I knew u Carles.
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//////////Reply by ne pas
//////////Posted July 30th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
@LuLu, wish i knew u carles. wish i was u. need a tshirt. need a podcast.
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one word: bukkake
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I coulda been first on this post. I want you all to know that. I saw it when there were no comments. I could have posted the very first one. But I didn’t. I don’t really know why. But that was my choice.
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//////////Reply by Abvtheinfluance
//////////Posted July 30th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
@March, Leave first for the suburban tween desperate for any attention/recognition. You did a good thing there is ‘hope’. Thanks Barry via obamy
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one word, two syllables
bukkake
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//////////Reply by flowers4alger-anon
//////////Posted July 30th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
two words, three syllables: abracadabra
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//////////Reply by crlsrssy
//////////Posted August 1st, 2009 at 10:37 am
one word, fifteen syllables: supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
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Mexican have made for great dishwashers for years. We’ve got one we pay 4 dollars an hour and let him eat the scraps off the plates for fuel.
If our Mexican is any indication of their general labor tendencies, Mexico must have very clean floors and no dirty dishes.
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Mexican have made for great dishwashers for years. We’ve got one we pay 4 dollars an hour and let him eat the scraps off the plates for fuel.
If our Mexican is any indication of their general labor tendencies, Mexico must have very clean floors and no dirty dishes.
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I’d be post racial and get an underachieving white whose job was taken by hard working azn’s / mexi’s.
Not really a fan of furniture tho. Maybe they can just be window blinds?
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those photos are hip
see the rest at blowupla.com, we love bj panda bear
ian markell rules los angeles
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This blog makes me feel all confused and sad and I don’t know why…
:(
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//////////Reply by durhur
//////////Posted July 30th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
@john, is it bcuz u dont have ur own azn coffeetable to impress the new neighbors w/?
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@ALL I DO IS PARTY, you must has missed the carles corp port.
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bros
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my new mexican armchair from ikea has more than just one function. not only is it a nice, quality armchair but it makes me some damn good tequila too.
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omg carles
ur blog is so funny
azns are useful
buy 1 at ikea
help u come
and feel come-fy
in ur own azn home
omg carles
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“”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”LOL”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"”"
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my azn hat stand is great.
felt sad/embarrassed when i went to my bros party and he only had an indian sidetable.
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juz wnt a white fg. kinda reminds me of tht song with the words “i fckd my americant cant…i luv mi english rome ants…”
crls, i rlly luv yer blog.
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//////////Reply by chris1
//////////Posted July 31st, 2009 at 5:51 am
luv ya lil blog carles, seriously.
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Lovin ur little blog :)
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luv your lil blog.
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In love with your little blog
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In <3 wit yo lil blog
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in love with ur little blog babe xxx
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luv your little blog *blows kiss*
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loving your ikkle blog C. X
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<3 ur lil blog <3
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love ur little blog 2 death car-les. mwah! x-x-x
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thinkin bout mexican burrito growers, y’all.
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luv yr lil blog
xx
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OMG seriously hate this hipster runoff analysis blog.
I think we should all TROLL that shitttttttt
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Russian broads for sure. They are Tought and Resilient. Cuz of their ‘long hard winter’.
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lurv ya lil blog x X x
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BJ PANDA BEAR ROOOLS
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Re the broShelf: Why ain’t his peen hangin down a lil bit for all2see?
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HAHAHAHAHA keep up the good work bro
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The bro-shelf. Why isn’t anything dangling? What, did they tape it?
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I’ll stay with the classic white toilet.
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