I recently read that Jason Schwartzman got married to a ‘regular person’ named the Brady Cunningham. I am not sure how to feel. I don’t really feel that Jason Schwartzman is a ‘real person.’ I often pretend that he is the characterBros that he plays in movies, as if he is no different off screen than he is on screen. Because of this, I feel like many mainstream/malstream girls ‘want to date a keut Jew-y indie boy’ because of their ‘infatuation with the indie aesthetic.’
Not sure how I feel about Jason Schwartzman. Feels weird that he married a ‘regular person.’ I wonder if a famous/altFamous person still has something in common with ‘normal people.’ Maybe they just need some1 who will help them to stay ‘humble’ or something/in touch with humanity.
Seems like I would have imagined him with some actress trying to ‘piggyback’ on his personal brand as a meaningful musician/actor.
Or possibly some ‘hot mainstream ass’
Feel like if his career ‘tanked’, he might have become some sort of ‘lovechild’ of a relevant artist/director/CEO of Fortune 500 company
Can’t believe JSchwartz is ‘off the market.’ Feeling sad, as if I will never get to chill with him, and pretend that he is still ‘Max Fischer’ and ask him questions about his movie roles as if he actually ‘lived that life.’ Feeling down. I heard that bros ‘change’ once they get married, like they are 40-90% ‘less chill.’
Sorta wish SchwarBro married an alt-it girl, kinda like BenGibbard + Zooey Deschanel, or Green Ags and Ham, or even Devandy Barnie and Nattie Portman. It seems like it might be good for your alternative celebrity personal brand to ‘be in a relaish’ with another person who has indie credibility.
R u sad that this ‘indie icon’ has grown up (and so have u)?
Is it ‘fair’ to assume that actors are the exact same ppl as they play in the movies [via Heath Ledger]?
Should famous ppl get married in order to ‘find love’ or to ‘advance their careers by creating brand synergy’?
Do u think that Jason Schwartzman’s life will always be a disappointment because he didn’t play ________ in the Royal Tenenbaums?
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IAmCarles.com
40 Comments
aren’t you dead?
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//////////Reply by Hung Fa Lo
//////////Posted August 21st, 2009 at 10:49 pm
@ay, this here is now the ghost of Carles.
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when u kill yrself or bitch n make it dramatic n then the next day its like nothing ever happened well listen yr crying wolf 2 2 2 much n i take u sincerely each time n each time its just some game oh well
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//////////Reply by August
//////////Posted August 21st, 2009 at 5:27 pm
ja, carles, ur ‘cry for help’ was just a ‘cry for wolf t-shirt’
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?
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uh…what should i say?
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can’t think of anything good to say here.
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seems like nothing relevant is happening ne1way…
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boring……
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keep posting carles. i enjoyed that.
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//////////Reply by BlipsterCambridge
//////////Posted August 22nd, 2009 at 12:41 am
Crls, do U mstrbt?
I am trying 2 align my prsnl brand with yrs.
So I nede 2 knw if I shld stop jrckng it to My fav Am Appy Ads.
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//////////Reply by I am the Psn Mouth
//////////Posted August 22nd, 2009 at 1:06 am
@BlipsterCambridge, who doesn’t? Sure crls is no exception. Don’t sweat it bro.
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Check out the pleats in his wife’s pants.
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wasn’t this bro in that 1 zany ‘college movie’ w that 1 hot broad and pete-and-petebro? ‘wes anderson’s slacker college road trip animal house’ or sum thing like that.
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//////////Reply by thomas p levy
//////////Posted August 21st, 2009 at 2:46 pm
@ne pas,
wes anderson invented pete and pete?
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//////////Reply by ne pas
//////////Posted August 21st, 2009 at 2:53 pm
@thomas p levy, think that’s what i wuz trying 2 say
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//////////Reply by Jason Schwartzman
//////////Posted August 25th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Yes it was called ‘Slackers & butthackers’. You’re such an aynalkween! bro.
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//////////Reply by ne pas
//////////Posted August 25th, 2009 at 10:49 am
@Jason Schwartzman, u complete me bro.
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Glad ur back, Carles. I knew u had it in u
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Maybe he’ll appear in a twilight sex tape 3 way with r patz and redemmmz him self.
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going to watch rushmore w/ box of kleenex
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//////////Reply by Jenny Haniver
//////////Posted August 21st, 2009 at 5:29 pm
@bloodkilla, ‘jacking off’ is so trendy
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//////////Reply by ne pas
//////////Posted August 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 am
@Jenny Haniver, idk, masturbation seems kind of ‘natural’ like sum thing anco would make a ‘field recording’ of and then use it to shape 1 of their zany songz. feel as tho i ‘like the feeling’ of masturbation.
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//////////Reply by Jenny Haniver
//////////Posted August 22nd, 2009 at 1:19 pm
@ne pas, so zany! like Billy Zane via The PhantomBro
//////////Reply by Jason Schwartzman
//////////Posted August 25th, 2009 at 10:50 am
@ne pas, I think u ‘M-BATE’ in other anyoles.
could to see ur writing again, even if it’s about ‘famous’ people who r quasi-relevant. ps. would i still be alt to see third eye blind ironically if they played a free show at my college (via i thought they were super badass when i was 11)?
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j schwartz marrying a ‘regular broad’ makes me think maybe there is hope 4 a non-famous chk like me
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//////////Reply by DB Sweeny
//////////Posted August 23rd, 2009 at 10:21 am
@carolina, sorta doubt it. this chick is actually a pretty established high end fashion designer. But yeah, if you think that is regular go for it.
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//////////Reply by jim morisson
//////////Posted August 25th, 2009 at 10:51 am
@carolina, no.
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//////////Reply by cowboy butts
//////////Posted August 26th, 2009 at 1:21 am
@carolina, hope u don’t think that u arent a rad ‘regular chick’ who could totally bone an alt celeb just cuz some depressed dudes on the internet say you can’t.
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not as thoughtful as it could have been. still coming back from the slump, eh?
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shuld i point out that they look ‘exactly alike’ or not?
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//////////Reply by tao
//////////Posted August 21st, 2009 at 5:06 pm
@ne pas, think it’s shopped.
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//////////Reply by harald
//////////Posted August 21st, 2009 at 10:06 pm
@ne pas, yeah, witch 1 is j schwarzy & witch 1 is danny devito
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not 1 reference to coconut records? wasn’t this a music blog at one time?
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//////////Reply by harald
//////////Posted August 21st, 2009 at 3:49 pm
@ARAJAY, yeah but perry como is like 45
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apparently she is a ‘clothing designer’. not sure this counts as ‘regular’. in the hierarchy of alt jobs, being a clothing designer seems like it would fall somewhere near the top. mayb she’s an art star.
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//////////Reply by d
//////////Posted August 22nd, 2009 at 11:21 am
@Sociolog, yea…clothing designer is very alt. panda bear married to one also.
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Alt = marrying keut alt chicks like Cory Kennedy, Cat Power, Feist, Andy San Dimas, or not getting married at all (via chauvinism).
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All I know, is he better still be doing Cocorecs, and making wes anderson films. And to the haters that didn’t like this post. Bite my dick, it was a good comeback for the kid.
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//////////Reply by runningcolors
//////////Posted August 21st, 2009 at 6:26 pm
@Jordan, why so serious?
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is this going to be like your mother walking in on you masturbating, and were just going to pretend that last post never happened?
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good 2 see he is not marrying 4 looks [via huge chin]
is it mor imprtnt to hv a faithful wife or a hot wife? think tenenbaumBro is trying not to be mnstrm [via having trophyWife], and being ‘official alt’ [via participation trophy wife]
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Thought he was gonna hold out til I turned 18. Feel sad, yall.
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Yeah i think he’s sad he wasn’t in royal T’s. I would make him play Max for me and pretend to be hurt knocking on my window. except when he put on his yves montand tape it would be on.
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this post de-legitimizes your brand
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do you think he still ‘could’ve done better’ even if it had to be a mnstrm chick with a ‘chopped off’ haircut?
feel like she needs to ’switch volumizers’
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Soooo Faux pas!!!
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she duz mad çøK3?
must have a big ∂¡çK
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you should have died rather than post this crap
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//////////Reply by 555
//////////Posted August 22nd, 2009 at 3:13 am
@john anybro,
who cares
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I bet their ‘crib’ is going to be filthy
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there’s a new washed out song, bro.
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aww c’mon. she’s a cutie.
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P0st moar RUSSELL BRAND.
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hey carles, just thinking about you today.
was thinking maybe how you make me feel ‘kind of passe’ now I read your blog thinking about you trying 2 make moneys off altstreamer bros. n e ways, maybe they are ‘too smart’ for that ironic kind of purchase.
or maybe they feel ‘instinctively drawn’ to the point of using their dads’ chill amex.
this is meme. this is carles. this is intercancer.
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did carles ‘let you down’ by being an azn and some alt broad?
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ew ew ew.. you can see her gums when she smiles. this creeps me out.
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lol
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4th pic looks liek a priest with an alter boy
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JaSchwa used to date Zooey D.
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