Photo by the cobrasnake
I saw you walk by me. You pretended not to see me so that you didn’t have to talk to me. I understand. I hate having to deal with you, as well. Sometimes I half-heartedly make a pitch, attempting to sell you phone service/Direct TV/TimeWarnerCable/any other sort of service that you are not interested in. It fails 99% of the time. People run away from me. I am trying to sell you something. This is my job.
You are not interested in listening to me. I am just a bro, sitting at a table, wearing a polo shirt that is branded with my company. My job does not pay well. I am paid [via commission]. I have made 2 sales in 6 months.
Do u want to sign up? It’s really a great service. I could tell you all about it. Are you interested in listening to me? You are not interested in me, nor are you interested in the product I represent. You are already satisfied with your service.
Maybe if I look ‘pathetic’ enough, you will sign up, after feeling bad for me. I am not sure if members of the opposite sex find me to ‘not be very attractive’ since I look like a ‘tool.’ Just want you to feel guilty. You did not come to this location to sign up for my company’s service–you came for an entirely different reason. There is no way you will purchase this service from me.
I am a bro. I lurk around a table for my company, trying to increase sales + brand awareness. My regional manager sends me to the worst locations. She is always pressuring me to ‘talk to more people.’ She doesn’t understand. I will never make a sale at the places she sends me to. I am embarrassed. I hope that no1 I know sees me. Wearing this stupid polo shirt. I will pretend to ‘text’ the entire time I am here. I will look disinterested and unapproachable. Some1 will come up to me who already has our cable service, and ask us why their ESPN channel is ‘blurry.’ I will tell them to contact technical support. This is my only contribution to the company today.
I am an adult. It seems like I always thought I would have a better job than this when I grew up. I will convince myself that I am ’starting at ground 0′, and ‘moving up the corporate ladder.’
I am a bro.
Sitting at a table
making a difference
Representing a brand.
Do u want 2 sign up for Comcast/Time Warner/tMobile/Sprint/a credit card with a ‘generous’ ‘rewards program’?
I am sitting at a table.
This is my job.
I am going to send another text message.
This is me 2 hours later.
In 2 minutes I will close. I am about to close up for the day and go home. I will stop at Quizno’s and get a sandwich.
This is me tomorrow. I am sitting at a table. I carry around the branded table cloth in my car.
I am employed. This bro is me. Do you want to sign up? You will receive a seat cushion if you sign up.
How about if I just give you this informational handout and my business card, and you can call me if you’re interested.
Do you want to sign up?
Please do me a favor and just don’t make eye contact if you’re not interested in signing up.
I am a vessel of brand awareness. My personal brand has been outsourced.
Loading ...
IAmCarles.com
45 Comments
i like turtles
Reply
//////////Reply by HOMOSAPIEN_FUCK
//////////Posted August 15th, 2009 at 5:15 am
@Jordan, MSOKE WEED/WWEEEEEEEEEZLES EVErY DAY FUCK
Reply
I feel for that bro.
Reply
this is just sad
Reply
;___;
Reply
//////////Reply by B4hc
//////////Posted August 15th, 2009 at 9:44 am
@anna, WHALE TEARZ
;____________________________________;
Reply
bro
Reply
I had to excuse myself from my cubicle pen for fear of gagging on my coffee / spilling it all over my ‘work station’. This bro was once me
Reply
//////////Reply by xoxo
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
sounds like it still is.
we’re all slaves, we’re just tricked into volunteering.
cuz most of us don’t want to be homeless/hungry.
Reply
HAHAHAHA, so funny, and SO true!
Reply
//////////Reply by vdieselfor20
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 12:13 am
@Friend, kinda like one of those stand up guys
Reply
//////////Reply by unouomedude
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 9:20 am
@vdieselfor20, like in that movie ‘funny ppl’
Reply
h8 u comcast ur internet sux
Reply
I think I’m gonna ‘kill’ myself now.
Reply
i think the most accurate part of this post is:
“I am an adult. It seems like I always thought I would have a better job than this when I grew up”
and the Quiznos sandwich part.
great post, carles. this guy’s got it good.
Reply
wonder y that bro does what he does. shuld tell his boss to f*ck off via tweetbook/tweenspace.
<3 u Carlos Perez aka Carles on hipster runoff
Reply
this post about you carles
Reply
//////////Reply by ammer
//////////Posted August 13th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
@james, think he might be trying to get at this but in an ironic way. very confusing.
Reply
//////////Reply by chong
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 10:21 am
@james, he admitted in an intrvw he works in “business/technology”
Reply
//////////Reply by yea
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
@james, i think carles is one of those people who look at that hairy guy’s (aka “the cobrasnake”)pictures and blogs about them because he doesn’t know about anything more meaningful to blog about….but it is very funny how much he can get out of a simple picture….but then again who isn’t capable of doing that…
Reply
wonder y this genericbro does wat he does. shuld tell his boss to f*ck off via tweetbook/lamespace.
<3 u Carlos Perez aka Carles on hipster runoff <3 u miss u
Reply
worst post ever
hate this shit
Reply
//////////Reply by Al x
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 8:45 am
@thomas p levy aka comcast bro
Reply
//////////Reply by Mari
//////////Posted August 15th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
@Al x, lol probs true.
i loved this post.
Reply
//////////Reply by yea
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 10:23 pm
@thomas p levy, its ok im sure things will pick up for u soon
Reply
Yeah but on the internet he’s a level 107 Dragon Knight, and he posted a funny motivational poster on 4chan that one time, so it’s all good.
Times are tough. Feed the face, and then talk right and wrong.
Reply
//////////Reply by anon
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 1:07 am
@waluigi, rules 1&2 apply everywhere…..we are always watching…….
Reply
//////////Reply by anon
//////////Posted August 17th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
@anon,
he’s already dead
Reply
at least he is outdoors, kinda. oh and at least he is real apathetic/lazy.
contrast this to oh, say, putting a GAZILLION ‘merch’ ads on your blog. at least this bro is failing without trying
merch ads must die
Reply
at least he doesn’t have to ‘do shit’ and he has time to ‘come up with new songs in his head’ and ‘ponder’. my last job was ‘overwhelming’.
Reply
//////////Reply by xoxo
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
skybeard… nice name, you sound like a dreamer aka person on anxiety meds who can’t “handle shit”
Reply
//////////Reply by skybeard
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
@xoxo,
naw. but sometime I ‘wish I was on anxiety meds’. I’ve never told anyone this but you, bro.
Reply
//////////Reply by xoxo
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
@skybeard,
i feel so close to you right now
i c the future
this fella will one day wake up and realize he can’t make his car payment and his rent. he’ll be pissed @ getting no respect & being ignored. he signs up for a night course. ’security & law enforcement’. now he’s a moron who can demand ‘respect’. next thing ya know, it’s 2010 & he’s tazering u outside a Larouge concert.
Reply
//////////Reply by nostradamus bro
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 1:27 am
@kixx, this is tru
Reply
//////////Reply by 5554
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 2:51 am
@kixx,
you’ve been to the depths of society and back with the good truths to share with all of us
Reply
//////////Reply by anonyt
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 4:51 am
@kixx, u r a wise human
Reply
//////////Reply by ne pas
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 10:03 am
@anonyt, or r u wise dancer?
Reply
//////////Reply by scroobin
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 10:10 am
@ne pas, wize on the aynols.
//////////Reply by ne pas
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
bro?
//////////Reply by fawkes
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 9:11 am
>nostradamus bro
>5554
>anonyt
samefag
Reply
//////////Reply by ammer
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
@fawkes, trolls
Reply
I KEEP CLICKING ON HER SKIRT BUT TURNS OUT ITS NOT THE WAY IN
Reply
what the fuck r u doing crls
Reply
//////////Reply by yah
//////////Posted August 15th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
agreed, like this is ‘relevant’ to anyone
worst post ever
Reply
this was brutal but funnie as hell
Reply
u mad?
Reply
Carles, is a true genius for writing it. i am a true genius for understanding it.
Reply
//////////Reply by yea
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
@octavio, u dont have to be a “true genius” to understand carles posts….ur an idiot if u dont understand carles posts….
Reply
//////////Reply by octavio
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
@yea, alright bro, thx for the heads up.
Reply
This is both hilarious and depressing all at once.
Reply
//////////Reply by snags
//////////Posted September 14th, 2009 at 1:41 am
@Semblance, agreed. its beyond depressing and yet my inner most parts are laughing
Reply
wishes this was me
Reply
Same exact shit different job. We’re always selling something.
Reply
“My personal brand has been outsourced.”
G O L D
Still, I wonder if this bro is the exception. Even when work is “fun” or “stimulating” I would always rather be doing something else that *I* chose to do. If our personal brands are constructed from our purchases, and we must outsource them to get the money to purchase, then my “authentic” personal brand is not mine at all.
Not being cynical yall, I’m just a broad wanting more.
Reply
poor bro
Reply
maybe you should try to see it from a different side. not everybody has parents that are able to pay for their children’s education.
maybe i just don’t get the ironic point of this post…but i guess it’s easy to be ironic if you can live off mommy and daddy. but i’m sure you can teach me something about it…
Reply
He needs a power boost…
Reply
//////////Reply by Sam
//////////Posted August 20th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
@ThePopeIsAlt, needs a 5 hour energy for his “adult” job.
Reply
been there. i fake txt to seem unapproachable
Reply
JUST DANCE
Reply
that gap ad is hysterical.
born to not shop at the gap
Reply
instant classic. well done sir.
Reply
this post is gold compared 2 the other 14 previous ones. Orrrr…do i only think this is funnie when im stoned. at 5:02 pm.
Reply
//////////Reply by beantween
//////////Posted August 14th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
but only aftr 2 margs with the boss 4 happyhr. [via i am his assistant. and i meet with customers and sell shit.]
Reply
i laughed out loud several times… in between staring back and forth at the pictures to see if they were different
Reply
lol damn carles
Reply
once i got a pretty nice beer/soda/canshapped warmer from wamu, they didn’t even try to sell me something.
Reply
//////////Reply by HOMOSAPIEN_FUCK
//////////Posted August 15th, 2009 at 5:17 am
@molly, FUCK YOU SMELLY HOT DOAWGS
Reply
this post is excellent. some of your posts are annoying. this one is not. this one is closer to the truth than you normally get; compliment.
Reply
//////////Reply by HOMOSAPIEN_FUCK
//////////Posted August 15th, 2009 at 5:17 am
@thoreauly77, you are an unruly child
Reply
RAPE MESSAGE BOARD DUNK PLEASE!
Reply
donate 15$ 2 breast cancer
Reply
//////////Reply by April Anova
//////////Posted August 15th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
@B4hc, I have no money (via “financial crisis”). Would you like a tug job instead?
Reply
wtf crls changed the post so that all of “comcast” is in the pictures…? just half was plenty pp.
Reply
LOL pure gold. I do sales and though it’s not for as ‘deplorable’ a brand as ComCast, and I don’t have to sit at tables, I know the pain of this bro. I mean who couldn’t feel bad for him? Still, I laugh uproariously at this outstanding intarnet posting.
Reply
Here is a brand that I am repping..
AXE Hair Spray
Reply
not sure if it’s possible for this chap to be a “vessel of brand awareness”. is brand awareness not created amongst the brand’s desired “consumers” as a consequence of his presence rather than held within him (as use of the work “vessel” might imply).
Reply