How many authentic alts can u count in this video?
My entire life, I have tried to be an individual. I want to be noticed. I don’t want to blend in, nor do I want to be ordinary, boring, or bland. It’s very hard, particularly in the internet age where trend adoption happens so instantaneously [via viral tweet buzz]. I just want to be myself, and some how stay an ‘individual’ without being ‘mainstream cool’ enough for people to copy me.
According to this commercial, Miracle Whip is somehow a gateway to individuality and authenticity. Traditional mayonnaise represents everything ‘uncool’ and ‘mainstream’ about the world. I traditionally utilize my ‘taste in music’ and ‘technological adaptation’ to set myself apart, but it’s kinda weird how little things like ‘condiment choices’ can go a long way towards establishing a unique personal brand. Sorta like ppl who dip their fries in _______ instead of ketchup.
It seems like the people in this commercial are partying, enjoying life, and spending time with other human beings. They all seem confident in their personal brands, as if they have made a happy life where they can have rooftop parties in urban environments. I think it is safe to assume that they achieved this comfortable status by consuming Miracle Whip. Might go to Whole Foods and see if they have Miracle Whip, or if they try to tell me that organic mayonnaise is better 4 u.
Do u use Miracle Whip?
R u counting calories?
What is the most authentic condiment?
Should I just start saying ‘that’s s00 mir whip’ instead of ‘that’s s00 alt’ and ‘that’s s000 mayo’ instead of ‘that’s fckng mnstrm’?
If I smear some Miracle Whip on my AnCo vinyl, will it sound better?
Should I be Miracle Whip 4 Halloween?
Does it make u feel uncomfortable when generic products ‘over-brand’ themselves in order 2 ‘be kewl’ with ‘hip ppl’?
Miracle Whip might be the new Alt.
Miracle Whip might be some sort of ‘enzyme’ which enables authenticity.
Miracle Whip might be the new Sparks/PBR.
Plugging your head phones into an open jar of Miracle Whip might produce the best music ever made.
Miracle Whip might ‘prevent STDs and babies’ if u use it while having the sex with lovers.
Last night a dab of Miracle Whip saved my life.
Really feel like this marketing campaign ’spoke to me.’
When they tell u ‘Don’t Be So Mayo’
They are really telling u
‘Don’t be such a mnstrm fggt.’
Who has had a more positive impact on society: the designer who designed ‘the iPod/iPhone/macbook’ or the designer who designed the ‘upside down squeeze bottle’?
Note: Carles has ‘fixed’ HRO and commenting is now available.
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IAmCarles.com
51 Comments
first
and ewwwwwwwww
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//////////Reply by SRSLY
//////////Posted September 4th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
@J,
CARLES
CARLES
CARLES
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE
COVER THIS AMAZING TRACK
“GOD HATES THE WORLD”
http://www.break.com/usercontent/2007/5/Westboro-God-Hates-The-World-Music-Video-292196.html
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//////////Reply by anonymousse
//////////Posted September 7th, 2009 at 11:52 am
@SRSLY, um, get your own blog and cover it.
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ps. Carles, your blog/PHP keeps adding a “%” after the last “/” on each post resulting in a “bad” or “mnstrm” request. in order to post comments or navigate in general i had to delete the % from the URL. what gives? are you trying to see who is really web authentic?
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//////////Reply by ne pas
//////////Posted September 4th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
@J, damn. thought hro ‘fucking hated me’ or sum thing. culdn’t cmmnt all morning. this bro seems ‘tech savvy’. thnx 4 the help!!!!
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Love seeing who is really “web authentic” y’all. OMG, just found out that Mir Whip was invented during the great depression as a “less costly” version of mayo for the “poors who couldn’t afford the real thing”. SO FUCKING DISILLUSIONED! I didn’t want 2 be bland, but now i found out that mir whip is just about being “poor”. h8 u kraft. h8 u for blending salad dressing until it was a creamy substance.
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So glad I’m not the only one whose browser sends ‘msntrm requests’ feel so connected yall
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You’re so 25%.
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//////////Reply by jjj
//////////Posted September 4th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
@jjj, %25… like in non-America.
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What’s with the ‘%’ biz?
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//////////Reply by ne pas
//////////Posted September 4th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
@Nick, feels like a movement i can ‘get behind’
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Note: Carles has ‘fixed’ HRO and commenting is now available.
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the mir in mir wip is cocaine thats why its s00 alt
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Bonus bullshit Miracle Whip coverage:
http://nobrandlikehome.com/?p=255
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//////////Reply by 420420420420
//////////Posted September 6th, 2009 at 11:31 am
@James, No1 cares about ur crap HRO ripoff
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‘not your grandma’s miracle whip’
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that commercial makes me hate miracle whip & every recipe calling for that capitalist white creamy mayo alternative.
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i hope they collabo with AmAppy and make some ultrahott ads
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//////////Reply by ne pas
//////////Posted September 4th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
@fggt #113, fggt #114 here, we shuld chill [via anal sex]
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//////////Reply by fggt #115
//////////Posted September 4th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
@ne pas, fggt #114, fggt #113, fggt #112, bring the kool whipp so it can “be authentic’ anal sex
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//////////Reply by lykk
//////////Posted September 6th, 2009 at 10:56 am
@fggt #115, i think you mean ‘bring the miracle whip’
Worst commercial ever.
Gr8 post.
Balance.
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Come spelunking!
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//////////Reply by dee
//////////Posted September 7th, 2009 at 11:06 am
@Carles Badcaverns, “cum” spelunking?
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Feel Miracle Whip is authentic, now that Whole Foods is being boycotted. Feel I can go to the corner store and not be embarassed to purchase mass quantities of Miracle Whip.
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Why the fuck are you letting I hope they serve beers in hell advertise on your site? You’ve just officially traded in all your cred.
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//////////Reply by tupac
//////////Posted September 4th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
@quadruple x, “little or no cred” is the new alt
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//////////Reply by mr. jeffers
//////////Posted September 4th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
@tupac, i knew you were alive
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//////////Reply by bANANAS
//////////Posted September 5th, 2009 at 9:40 am
@tupac, hahah!! s0 true.
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fug this post.
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Gross h8 u mirwhip and mayo
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if u think about mayo / M wHip long enough it induces vomiting.
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fucking h8888888 this sh1t. Fuck you crls. I am NOT Carles. Mayo= the miraclewhips=poop=mnstrm
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//////////Reply by johannahfrances
//////////Posted September 5th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
s4m=soo4mayo
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//////////Reply by s4m
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 5:42 pm
@johannahfrances, suck my fuck ing d!ck
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CARLES… i want some of the weed you’ve got… i know yr milking the bong, stop holding out brah!
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//////////Reply by crzyeyes
//////////Posted September 4th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
@the fink, bro I think ur in my economix class
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i’m gonna eat a whole jar of mir whip to be so ironic.
either ppl around will laugh @ me or i’ll spawn my own party and kick every1 out.
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f*ckin whipsters
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best condiments= sriracha, balsamic vin a.k.a ball vin, whipped cream, catsup
worst= mayo, miracle whip, ranch
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What the fuck…crls.
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“whipster or maynstream” -CEO of miracle whip products co.
but obv they are actually trying to play the “ironic market” (via hipsters who buy sillie mainstream products).
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i was inspired by this short film to re-envision it as an animated gif. i hope y’all find it moving.
http://i280.photobucket.com/albums/kk197/orkid682/dont-be-so-fucking-mayo.gif
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miracle whipp is grozz
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Those people weren’t alt.
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what str8 bros eats miracle whip, mayo, veganaise, or any white substancey spread?
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THAT COMMERCIAL IS SO EDGY WHERE DO I SIGN UP?
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suck on this mnstrm trash:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sriracha_hot_chili_sauce.jpg
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//////////Reply by Aaron
//////////Posted September 6th, 2009 at 5:18 am
@Hung Fa Lo, Yo, If you like that shit you sir are a pussy sambal oelek is the good stuff. tug on your sack and experience the real stuff you fagget.
ps take off your tight jeans
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LoL as if Mayo was ever meinstream, i still eat ketchup :D
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It would appear that the mainstream marketing industry has caught on to alt.
Thomas Frank predicted this!
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Whipster Runoffs are s000 8th grd.
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//////////Reply by hot pants
//////////Posted September 5th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
@gnar sesh, your face is s000 8th grd.
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its a sad day for hro when carles has to resort to making post about mayo…. miss u 2k7 HRO
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They didn’t even use any alt tunes. What a fucking rip [via 'astroturfing']!
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Yeahh… I blogged about this commercial in June. Kinda disappointed in Carles. Link in the name above.
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Mayo till death, h8 you shitty mirry whip. Authentic my ass. Me and Aoki bathe in the hellmans
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http://www.last.fm/user/breckgordon
THIS PERSON KNOWS WHO CARLES IS
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//////////Reply by gretch
//////////Posted September 6th, 2009 at 10:41 am
@gibagytes, i know who he is too……did my research…that cunt better be scared…i think people are going to be surprised…the scam is kind of up soon…..
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//////////Reply by sarahrightnow
//////////Posted September 6th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
@gretch, so web 2.0.
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//////////Reply by gibagytes
//////////Posted September 6th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
@gretch, i think ive got a pretty good idea too, i was one of the first person to read this blog, and i know he used to regularly read another blog called pandatoes. people are clockin ya carlo
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i think carles is a gurl ya’ll
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//////////Reply by b4hc
//////////Posted September 7th, 2009 at 2:55 am
@brobro, would luv her…………
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veganaise is the most authentic “aise”
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Whip it.
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i don’t think this is true. it might be, though.
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i love breakbot
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i already read the ur-post of this via the cmmnts in a prev. post and it depressed me, so i’m not reading this post, just scrolling down to the cmmnts section to feel “part of sumthing” for a few min
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Ehhhhhhh god.
I thought the MUSIC that you liked made you an individual.
First it was like,
Maynstream: I like Fall Out Boy, but also a lot of other shit.
Whipster: The only things I’ll ever listen to are Aminal Collective and Girl Talk.
Super Whipster: I listen to horrible music, u definitely would not be interested.
And now it’s like,
Maynstream: Best Foods Mayo makes a good sammich, but srsly I don’t really care.
Whipster: MIRACLE WHIP MIRACLE WHIP MIRACLE WHIP MIRACLE WHIP MIRACLE WHIP!
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//////////Reply by Demosthenes
//////////Posted September 8th, 2009 at 2:02 am
@lurrr,
Yeah, it’s almost like everything is going under synesthesia… u knw when hearing a certain sound makes you think of a certain colour… everything is becoming a mishmash of stimuli designed not to fulfill a human sensory organ, but to represent an image or an emotion. In this case alt.
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this blog is soooo mayo OMFG
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http://tinypic.com/r/1fxwn9/3
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No one here takes authenticity seriously, why should Miracle Whip?
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Stephen Colbert makes hilarious parody of our Miracle Whip commercial: http://www.hulu.com/watch/102593/the-colbert-report-thu-oct-15-2009?c=570:749.
Apparently, he can’t handle Miracle Whip because he thinks we don’t cause enough mayo-ham. So which side are you on, mayo or Miracle Whip?
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