Photo via the cobrasnake
I have always heard that Portland is the perfect alternative city . It’s not like Brooklyn cuz u don’t have too many inauthentic transplants moving there and accidentally ‘corrupting the scene’ since they are ‘alternative immigrants’ who need 5-10 years to learn ‘the way of life.’ It seems like a place where they actually honor alternative ideals, such as ‘going green’, ‘being vegan’, and chilling in the wilderness/public space. They have some sort of ‘thriving music scene’… There must ‘be something in the water’ or something that has made it an alternative utopia. I imagine that if u walk down the streets in Portland, u will see dozens of conceptual pop bands performing for the sake of music–not to make money.
I was startled when I saw this t-shirt that said Portland FUCKING Oregon. It made me think that my assumptions about Portland’s brand were entirely wrong. Maybe they are undergoing some sort of ‘massive population shift’, or perhaps the city has been corrupted with transplants. The shirt seems ‘in ur face’, as if the city of Portland is a hardXcore band, or possibly a crabcore band. It seems like Portland’s authenticity might be ‘going up in flames.’
I feel scared about this shirt, sort of like how the ‘Keep Austin Weird’ shirt sold the Austin TX ‘free-spirited’ brand to mainstreamers, eventually leading to tons of corporate development, making the city 60-90% less authentic.
I might move somewhere, and create a “Keep (location) alt” t-shirt. It will probably have to be somewhere in ‘the middle of nowhere.’
I just need to find a place to live that is ‘perfect 4 me.’ Tons of kewl bands passing through, a thriving alternative scene/economy, and possibly some sort of organic foods market. Hope I live in a community that has banned walmarts. Hope that I live in a place that is good for ’singles.’ Hope I find a place where the real me can be set free.
Worried about Portland FUCKING Oregon.
Does n e 1 from Portland FUCKIGN Oregon know if Portland FUCKING Oregon is in trouble?
Does ur community/scene have an ‘official shirt’?
Do authentic ppl wear this shirt, or is it just for ‘tourists and maltstreamers’?
Where do u want 2 live when ur a grown up?
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IAmCarles.com
78 Comments
first bitch. carles, burn in hell
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//////////Reply by above you
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
@andre, had the chance to be first bro, didn’t take it, seemed ghey.
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//////////Reply by vdieselfor20
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
@andre, pwned
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//////////Reply by MattyC
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
@andre, I don’t why you can generalize a whole city from being uncool just because someone wears a loud obnoxious shirt
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//////////Reply by Leland Scantlebury
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
@andre, I’m a native Portland and I’m sticking up for this shirt. I agree, it would be very scary if this shirt was a mass-marketed product or sold by some ‘hip’ t-shirt company. Instead, it comes from a shitty 24-hour diner in Portland which is often full of trannies and features a jukebox with a giant jesus on the cross above it, complete with a neon halo. It’s not a shirt you see more than twice a year, and frankly it’s from a place that embodies what makes Portland wonderful.
We’re not in trouble yet, but certainly the day will come. Popularity ruins everything.
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//////////Reply by Clara
//////////Posted September 19th, 2009 at 12:03 am
@andre, portland’s fine, its always got reed college
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Eugene Oregon is where its at.
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//////////Reply by zanapplepie
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 12:20 am
@Vladimir Nabokov, did u mean where its “alt”.
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//////////Reply by Super Awesome Guy
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 3:02 am
@zanapplepie, ‘hippie’
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//////////Reply by zanapplepie
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
@Super Awesome Guy, oooooooooo
//////////Reply by yes
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 2:53 am
@Vladimir Nabokov, good to know, going up at the end of the month.
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//////////Reply by jonny peacocke
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
@yes, vladmir nabakoff author of book lolita master of englisch language
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//////////Reply by ok ok
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
@Vladimir Nabokov, Thats what I was going to say. glad someone else thinks so.
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before you wrote this it felt like we were all walking around in a cloud of blunt smoke.
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//////////Reply by johannahfrances
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 10:45 am
@og, entry level,
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this shitty cafe called the roxy has been selling these shitty fucking shirts for 10 fucking years now. I would like to slap that girl with my peen tho
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//////////Reply by oooooh waddup
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
@jewtooth,
yea that place is shitty, i visited and was told that was “THE” late night food place. suuuucked.
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//////////Reply by Jesse'
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
@oooooh waddup,
It’s the atmosphere dumbshit.
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//////////Reply by jonnybitchslap
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
@jewtooth,
they sent us out some nachos with rotten meat on it. like it didn’t give us food poisoning b/c it was so obv rotten we just walked out leaving only a 17% tip b/c the service was THAT BAD
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try seattle. like a bigger seattle with a bigger ’scene’ and lots more shit to do.
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//////////Reply by abbt
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
@abbt, *like a bigger portland
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//////////Reply by NO
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Yeah, go to Seattle.
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//////////Reply by Super Awesome Guy
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 2:48 am
@NO, with more yuppies. Microsoft and Starbucks took Seattle’s soul.
Nothin’ against Taylor Swift, but Portland FUCKING Oregon is one of the greatest cities of all time.
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//////////Reply by swagga
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
@billy, LOLOLOLOLOL
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//////////Reply by SilveroTellerson
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 12:32 am
@swagga, LOL
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//////////Reply by skybeard
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 1:14 am
@billy,
lmao
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//////////Reply by Xx
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 5:06 am
@billy, YES!
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Try Lawrence, Ks, an alt paradise where no one ever “leaves”, alts “stay authentic” when they graduate college and put their degrees “to use” by working in vegan cafes and “starting a band”
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//////////Reply by 555
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 1:15 am
@Screamin Jay Hawkins,
wtf this sounds like you trying to rock yourself back and forth telling yourself that your town in Kansas actually has some sort of value, but I doubt it bro.
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//////////Reply by SOFTWARE
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
@555, u r gay
lawrence is gay
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//////////Reply by caves
//////////Posted September 20th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
@Screamin Jay Hawkins, lawrence ks rulz
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in portland oregon everyone is drunk, down to fuck and wearing shirts more interesting than they are. Altopia.
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//////////Reply by jewtooth
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
@emle, portland is full of unprotected sex and bicycles and everyone is down to get fuckeyed. why did i ever leave there
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//////////Reply by snags
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 3:08 am
@jewtooth, fuckyeahaltcocks!
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//////////Reply by ho
//////////Posted September 19th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
@jewtooth, yeah, but everyone in portland is ugly as sin. it’s sad but true. if a kid’s attractive, they move down to california. if a californian is ugly, they move up to portland where they fit in. it’s probably because only the truly most ugly got kicked out of europe, then the east coast, then the midwest, and finally had to go on the oregon trail.
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no, Portland is still the most authentic city.
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//////////Reply by Drew.
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
@KJK, Yeah, it’s still pretty authentic. Maybe not THE most, but it’s up there.
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Portland is sometimes known as PDX. That’s pronounced Pee Dicks. Nice name.
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//////////Reply by ash
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
@S.T.V.X., Nobody pronounces it like that. stfu
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Olympia WA is where its at. Definitely the most authentic city on earth. The PNW is pretty alt in general though.
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//////////Reply by b4hc
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
@TT, trueeeee, ‘my heart’ is in olympia. seriously the most alt/<3 city.
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portland > ur ‘bro ass city’
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Nobody from Portland actually wears that stupid shit.
Portland is great.
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//////////Reply by sam
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
@Jesse’, same as no one FROM Austin wears that shirt.
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//////////Reply by EFF G.Gillies
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 7:22 am
@sam, then how comes when you walk around ATX you see keep austin weird bumper stickers on cars w/ texas tags? LOL @ austin. just wanna “be weird” and go to “waterloo” and get my “whole foods hq is here” on… vote kinky y’all.
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//////////Reply by anonymous
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
@EFF G.Gillies, he ain’t kinky he’s my governor…along with ‘bio-willie nelson’
//////////Reply by T
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
@Jesse’, no one from Portland actually wears that shirt and takes it seriously.
She was wearing that shirt because someone handed it to her and told her to put it on as a joke. She is from Portland. The shirt was purchased at the Roxy 4 years ago, and hasn’t been worn because, obviously, it’s a dumb shirt. So she is neither a) a tourist or b) actually thinking she is “cool” for wearing that shirt, so this article has absolutely no point whatsoever. Sorry.
Everyone, get over it.
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//////////Reply by jewtooth
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
@T, jesus, I fucking hate you. see what i did there???
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There’s a reason we’re the most depressed city, we constantly are struggling with our authenticity.
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i am originally from eugene, so everyone i know and their mom moved to portland. don’t get me wrong it’s a beautiful city, but i get kinda pissed when people assume that just because i’m from oregon that means i lived in the one city their bandmates want to up and move to. i move to LA so i wouldn’t have to work in a strip club/bookstore/bistro/whole foods. i traded good a microbrew selection for the possibility of seeing non-caucasians on occasion. it was worth it.
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//////////Reply by nate.hrbnd
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
@crystal, u sound ‘fucking stupid’
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//////////Reply by crystal
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
@nate.hrbnd, yeah maybe i shouldn’t have tried to comment on my phone. whatevs
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//////////Reply by SilveroTellerson
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 12:36 am
@crystal, i kno. h8 th@
//////////Reply by johannahfrances
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 10:50 am
@nate.hrbnd, hear hear.
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//////////Reply by abdul
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
@crystal, i don’t think you sound stupid, i agree about non-caucasians
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I think so.
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damn
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omaha, ne. virtually unknown, except by ‘real’ authentic alts. The alts never leave, and neither do the alts coming in. It’s ‘pure’. so.. portland is irrelevant.
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//////////Reply by 555
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 1:18 am
@l00kin4meaningy’all,
once again, u r a fag trying to pretend that your dumb ass mid American city is worth something by trying to make other people believe it. but we don’t. omaha is about as good as saddle creek and 311. fucking fuck bro, move somewhere awesome like NYC.
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//////////Reply by l00kin4meaningy'all
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 10:01 am
@555, I wish you weren’t so ‘ghey’ and trying to prove some lame point via hippsies runoffs.
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Move to Australia. The official shirt reads “Fuck off, we’re full”.
But that only applies to posers…all Alts excepted.
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//////////Reply by michael
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 4:28 am
@Barbie-Shrimp, that shirt is about immigrants. its not tongue in cheek, just ignorant.
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//////////Reply by Barbie-Shrimp
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
@michael, CORRECTION: That shirt is abt MNSTRM immigrants.
The shirt’s ignorance has prejudice within itself.
ie. We’re only “full” if you’re a MNSTRMR – if you’ve got something Alty and Hip to offer, “come on in”.
It also has an underlying subtext about deportation….
If you don’t “get” Alt culture maybe you should leave and make room for someone “less retarded”.
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//////////Reply by michael
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 2:17 am
@Barbie-Shrimp, sorry, im not hip enough and havent a clue what you mean when you mention MNSTRM and talk in letters and not words. but iv just come from that part of the world and the uproar was when it was being worn on australia day with more than a hint of nationalistic fervour which was just out and out racism. NO ONE looked at it and thought it was about skinny jeans wearing moustache sporting idiots. a mere google search of offending tshirt should put you right.
//////////Reply by Barbie-Shrimp
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 2:24 am
@michael, why even bother reading this blog?!
a mere google search of sarcasm should “put you right”
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//////////Reply by altina
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 5:21 am
@Barbie-Shrimp, I hate you
Portland is still Portland.. Ive only seen a few of those shirts around. Take a trip down to Hawthorne st in portland and you will see our uniqueness at the very finest.
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//////////Reply by nooo
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
@Stefani, gay, Hawthorne street is the biggest tourist trap in the city, what are you talking about
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//////////Reply by DAT ASS
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 5:11 am
nooooo, NW 23rd is the biggest tourist trap.
stop living on the eastside and being poor plz
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//////////Reply by bitch
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 7:30 am
@DAT ASS, still gay @ stefani
//////////Reply by fggt #113
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 11:53 am
@nooo, w0rd Hawthorne is teh ghey i would argue that carles has it semiright
PDX/Seattle/SF~OAK are all the alternating alt hubs of the best coast where all the losers from small towns like Redding, Lodi, Lebanon, Fernley, Boise, and Wenatchee FUICKING Washington migrate to alt it up and ‘be more authentic’
these hubs are analogous to the hot spot that formed the Hawai’ian islands
NYC is the right coast’s ver of these cuz its s000000 k3wl and boston and philly sux cock
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DETROIT WILL BE THE ‘ALTEST’ CITY BY 2019
MARK THESE WORDS
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//////////Reply by Joanna
//////////Posted September 15th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
fact.
@THE REAL ANDREW W.K.,
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//////////Reply by yes
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 3:02 am
@THE REAL ANDREW W.K., took a trip up to see my fellow blipster deonta. crazy all night party in an abandoned building, new types of music.
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//////////Reply by sie
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 5:12 am
@THE REAL ANDREW W.K., FUCK YES 313. REPRESENTIN’ CCS FUTURE ALT NATION.
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//////////Reply by bob dobbs
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 11:32 am
@sie, CCS is fanfuckingtastic. wanted to transfer there from u of m art&design, dropped out instead :(
keep representin, got mad love for detroit :)
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//////////Reply by yvynyl
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 11:44 am
@THE REAL ANDREW W.K., when you can buy a house there for $500 (rumor) then, shit yeah it’s alt. Maybe the alt-est.
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//////////Reply by Paul
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 11:57 am
@yvynyl, That ain’t no rumor. A buddy o’ mine just bought a 4-bdrm house in Dearborn Heights for $3,100. Plus, the UFO Factory in Eastern Market is always putting on baller noise shows–it just sucks a little when Wolf Eyes starts to play their Jock-Noise set.
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//////////Reply by b
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
@Paul,
Hell yes and real techno is from detroit and still has a pretty dope underground scene. Definitely future alt capital…
//////////Reply by Ja3on
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
@Paul, Idiot. Calling Wolf Eyes ‘Jock Noise’ proves your cluelessness and ‘un-altness’.
//////////Reply by Paul
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
@Paul, Wolf Eyes is totally Jock Noise:) Dilloway was right to leave.
//////////Reply by fuck it
//////////Posted September 18th, 2009 at 11:15 am
@Paul,
ADULT.
//////////Reply by emle
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
@THE REAL ANDREW W.K., s0000 true. have been sayin that foreverrrrr. gonns open coffee shop/ microbrewery/ art gallery/ record store and like exist in an authentic way, after leaving portland. and andrew wk, you can open a meaningful venue where alts can experience something real. c u all there/.
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//////////Reply by johannahfrances
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 10:54 am
@THE REAL ANDREW W.K., but it’s soo cold in the D. how da fuck are they ‘pose to keep peace?
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//////////Reply by johannahfrances
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 10:56 am
@THE REAL ANDREW W.K., its so collllld in the D. how da fuck are they ‘pose to keep peace.
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Love Portland! Had a gig out there a couple years ago in my now-defunct band The Rollers. It’s a really great place that somehow manages to keep a bohemian spirit alive — much more than you can say for New York or Chicago (sell outs! :0)
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//////////Reply by jonnybitchslap
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
@DamianMarleyRasta69,
this is how u know portland is over look at this douche why did he name drop his band if they’re dead
srsly i recently left pdx in order to become a ruralt and it was b/c of ppl like this w/ shitty personal marketing strategies
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//////////Reply by jonnybitchslap
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
@jonnybitchslap,
also i forgot 2 use the phrase “faux-amiable” 2 sound credible pls pretend i did
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//////////Reply by no fish today
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
@jonnybitchslap, lol
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//////////Reply by jewtooth
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
@DamianMarleyRasta69, your band was hella ghey. DIE
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//////////Reply by DamianMarleyRasta69
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
@jewtooth, Have you heard of us? :) Still got an old EP that I can put up for DL if you’re interested
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from portland. its still ‘authentic.’ but here at the ‘university’ of oregon, the alt scene is being ‘ruined’ by relevant californians.
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//////////Reply by meredith
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 1:01 am
@brotoni, fuck off. I was PAID by the state of Oregon to come from California to your university back in ‘00 and I never left. I live here, love, and make my life here. It doesn’t make a difference that I was raised in California.
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//////////Reply by Super Awesome Guy
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 2:52 am
@meredith, U of O is ruined by hippies.
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//////////Reply by Leeez
//////////Posted September 23rd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
@brotoni, Californians: they fcking ruin everything in OR.
+they are always irrelevant. period.
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portland has a long way to go before it loses its altness, the entire east side still has some poor neighborhoods left to be evicted (via gentrification)
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nvr growing up. alts nvr die.
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all in all portland still has the most alts for any other city its size plus it actually practices ‘progressive’ politics unlike the oh so corporate seattle.
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one day we’re gonna live in paris, i promise, i’m on it.
when i’m bringing in the money/grow up, i want 2 live in noo yawk,
psychic city,
voodoo city,
heartbreak city,
paradise city
where the grass is green and the girls r pretty.
funk city,
suffragette city,
erotic city,
sin city,
dream city,
“the city (teenagers remix)” by lo-fi fnk
search “city” in ur iTunes yall!
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//////////Reply by hey anony anony
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
@SilveroTellerson, new york city cops? (NVR 4GET)
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‘I’m checking them out, I’m checking them out
I got it figured out, I got it figured out
There’s good points and bad points
But it all works out
I’m a little freaked out
Find a city
Find myself a city to live in, yall’
-David and the Talk Heads
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//////////Reply by sarahrightnow
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 6:10 am
@555, thanks :)
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//////////Reply by bbb
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 8:10 am
@555, Simply beautiful…
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//////////Reply by hey anony anony
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
@555, whos ur city? (via richard flo rida)
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live in portland. like it and h8 it. people are alt but dumb. alt stuff to do but everyone is POOR. the newsies here are shitty [via Portland Mercury and Willy Week]. Dan Savage is ‘the man’ tho but he lives in Seattle. he comes here to finish his writings so i guess he thinks its alt-er. easy to ‘get some’ but the girls are ‘just ok.’ feel like i have fun but am not doing anything ‘meaningful’ [via manic-depressed]. i had an authentic alt-grrrrl. now i have a mainstream ‘girl’ who is a lot better [via paradox].
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//////////Reply by vdieselfor20
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
@meaux (mo), NEED TO PREFACE UR MINI AUTO-BIO W/ ‘TIME TO GET VULNZ’
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PeeDiX- fun to visit, not to live. everything is all spread out and shit. its always cloudy. good city for local celeb strippers, washed up sk8rs, junkies or a combo!
Norcal 4 life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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soooo many hawt alt fggts in Portland nowadays…boyz with cutoffs so tight that their dick outlines show. now that’s what i call AUTHENTIC [via ghey]
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//////////Reply by jewtooth
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
@aaron, in my spare time i enjoy tracing the veins of my cock onto a connect the dots from pee-wees playhouse. so authentic my dick went soft…
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keepnewarkalt
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//////////Reply by corybooker
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
@newarkhipsters, keepnwkblack. crack and poverty in 2k10?
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ann arbor
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//////////Reply by Paul
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 11:59 am
@jimothy, Fuck that, Ypsi is ten times as alt as A2
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//////////Reply by toomanynegros in 313
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 12:02 am
@Paul, fuck that, Toledo is ten times as alt as LANTI
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//////////Reply by Paul
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 12:22 am
@toomanynegros in 313, yeh, maybe Glass city was more alt at some point, but there’s a lot more stripmallbros there… And there’s a Chili’s right next to Rte. 23 in Ypsi
around where i live, this catch-phrase is often found on t-shirts and flyers for parties: “brooklyn — we go hard.”
it sucks here.
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//////////Reply by fggt #113
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 11:59 am
@a., the douche factor is just a mirror to your soul
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//////////Reply by a.
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 9:48 am
@fggt #113, that doesn’t make any sense you fuck.
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keep west creek, nj alt
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You want a charming music scene, excellent organic/vegan dining options and an authentic alternative community and economy then check out Tucson, AZ. They have Teeshirts in response to Austin, but they are hand silk-screened at BBQs and say, “Keep Tucson Shitty”, with shitty in the font of “the Thing” a nearby roadside attraction that is a mummified head or something.
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you should really learn to spell words properly.
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madison
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//////////Reply by Megan
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 11:59 am
@Ab, exactly what i was going to write.
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//////////Reply by Megan
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
@Ab, except only during times the UW is NOT in session, the students suck.
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//////////Reply by @--,-'-----
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
barely a music scene to speak of.
it would take less than 2 months to be totally bored with that town.
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//////////Reply by Megan
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
@@–,-’—–, you can find good music if you look for it. and the town is certainly ‘authentic’, but, like i said – good music isn’t *that* hard to find. maybe you need to know people… i’m definitely not bored with it.
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//////////Reply by @--,-'-----
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
just feel like compared to mpls, it’s srsly lacking
Fuck being Vegan crl wtf
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Surprised no one’s brought up Athens, GA yet…
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//////////Reply by jvac
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
@Paul, yeh athens is super alt-thentic (via the south & b-52s). but i’m not sure if people are ‘ironic’ enough there. i think hro readers would feel more at home in Little 5 Points in atlanta.
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//////////Reply by Paul
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
@jvac, Totes. No love for O’ Montreal and the Eleph6 bros…
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//////////Reply by EFF G.Gillies
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
@Paul, i would love 0′mont 284% moar if they did commercials for chili’s
‘i went 2 portland fucking oregon n all i got was this inauthentic t shirt’
-a shirt
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PDX is the worst. a bunch a kewl kids assuming they’re relevant because they’re in PDX. they have ‘menomena’ who refuse to make new music, and ‘yacht’ who refuse to make good music. girls are fattie highwasted know nothings and dudes are just uggos. boo. i moved back to vegas for the drugs, tunes, and skinny teens.
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//////////Reply by Super Awesome Guy
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 3:32 am
@jeremiah james, well, you got the fattie’s part correct.
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What about Birmingham AL
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What about Birmingham AL?
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//////////Reply by no fish today
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
@Dmagoku, what about it
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//////////Reply by Dmagoku
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 12:16 am
@no fish today, authentic enought for this thread?
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its the cali4nians falt
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SAAAAAANNNNNNNTTTTTTAAAAA CCCCRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZ
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//////////Reply by no fish today
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
@grant golland, tru chillwave
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I hope this has already been pointed out but that shirt is from a diner, and they’ve been making/selling them for 10 years. It is certainly not a sign of anything new.
Portland is the same as it’s always been, except for a minor influx of assholes from LA moving there. But they don’t last long and eventually go back home. Thank god. It’s just as alt-topia as ever, maybe more so.
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heard they have good heroin in portland and everyone sleeps around
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//////////Reply by cowboy butts
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 11:24 pm
@@–,-’—–,
mmmmmmm……city of roses, alcoholics, and pretentious art fags. miss it so bad :(
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hold up portland, ima let you finish, but wicky park (chicago) is the altest city of the year
OF THE YEAR
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//////////Reply by no fish today
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
@lykk, too many blackies in chi; want to feel urban alt but safe too, you know
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//////////Reply by Double Negative
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
@no fish today,
Wack. Transplant. Real Chicagoans look down on you anyway. Stay where you are.
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//////////Reply by no fish today
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
@Double Negative, don’t plan leaving SF, ‘cept to go to p4k festival, the best
//////////Reply by g
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
@lykk, LOL wicker park is a second wrigleyville now
wicker park: big in 2k6?
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//////////Reply by lykk
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
@g, i choose to ignore all the ‘transplants’ and ‘fucking assholes’ that moved in. 2k6 4evr
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pure fact is that everyone wants to represent their own city in some way. the great thing about that is we all have something to offer when trying to enhance the place we live. portland is a nice place located in the northwest, tuscon is located in the southwest and same with austin. we are all from/live in different areas and it is respectable enough that we improve the areas we are from to make them what we want, rather than move other places.
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//////////Reply by (p)ossum
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
@can’tweallgetalong,
i rly like u <3
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THE S1CKEST LESSER KNOWN ALTOPIA IS THIS CHILL PLACE IN CALI CALLED FRSNO, CA! WEVE G0T A GR8 FCKING STRIP MALL CLLED RIVERPARK WITH HUGE-ASS STORES. OTHER THAN ‘THE BLACKS’, WRE SINGLEHANDEDLY RESPONSIBLE 4 THE PASSIBG OF PROP8. U CAN BLEND IN HERE BY WARING POPULAR BRANDS LIKE TAPOUT, AFFLICTION, OR VOLCOm. BEST PLACE 2 GET ‘FREAKY HUGE’ CUZ OF SUM SICK GYM OFFERINGS. MIGHT WANA BRING THE S1CKEST TRUCK U OWN SO U CAN GET TUGZ FROM BITCHES WITH FAKE TANS, BLONDE HAIR AND ED HARDY CAPS. K LATER.
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//////////Reply by gentleman
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
@FRESNAHBR0, SWISH!
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I went to portland this summer. Got drunk with the “schwilly” (homeless) kids. Went to Superfest (Starfucker/Guidance Counselor/everyotherawesomeportlandband) rlly fckd up, hugged the guy running it. Even saw WHT FNG play at their house on the 4th o’ July. also I have a “cool dad” that was part of the early portland alt scene, bought an his old friends’ band’s album that was exclusively bout marijuana.
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I’m a native Portland and I’m sticking up for this shirt. I agree, it would be very scary if this shirt was a mass-marketed product or sold by some ‘hip’ t-shirt company. Instead, it comes from a shitty 24-hour diner in Portland which is often full of trannies and features a jukebox with a giant jesus on the cross above it, complete with a neon halo. It’s not a shirt you see more than twice a year, and frankly it’s from a place that embodies what makes Portland wonderful.
We’re not in trouble yet, but certainly the day will come. Popularity ruins everything.
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want an alt city with smart girls, lots cocaine, n good seafood
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//////////Reply by jewtooth
//////////Posted September 16th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
@no fish today, thats pdx, but full of rad skanks nsted of smart girls
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she just puttin on for her city
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keep saskatoon alt
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Portland is the fag version of Seattle. (via its gheyness)
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That T-shirt’s been around longer than most of you have even lived here.
Don’t like it? Go back to California.
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what does the alt world think of pittsburgh?
if i post that question would anyone answer?
pittsburgh seems like a ’somewhat famous’ city with a ‘recognizable brand’…?
what does the alt world think of youngstown?
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//////////Reply by chong
//////////Posted September 18th, 2009 at 2:05 am
@larry, south side of pitt is the only decent place
youngstown? i saw gil mantera play ther once
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//////////Reply by Brozac
//////////Posted September 19th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
@larry, y0ungstown is a shithole. Know sum kewl alts from there [via I'm gonna leave this town and have a better life...in Columbus.]
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fuck u
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AKRON OHIO
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//////////Reply by johannahfrances
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 11:03 am
@toomanynegros in 313, OHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIOOOO!
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Sandy Eggo is the altest city because we get all the bands that tour L.A., but since there aren’t enough alts here to buy all the tickets, the shows are always intimate and meaningful. We purposely make sure that bands like Wavves get rave reviews on pitch4k so that people think our music scene is weak and don’t move here to be authentic. You fggts from bkln who use the term ‘bro’ don’t even know what it means. You’re not a bro unless you have at least 16 tattoos, a bro-ho with fakies, a backwards hat made by a bro-core brand like Affliction and an F-250 with the cab ten feet in the air. Start using the term correctly please, Carles.
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//////////Reply by ActLikeUBro
//////////Posted September 17th, 2009 at 10:47 am
@SoBroUdontEvenKnow, fellate me.
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//////////Reply by yera
//////////Posted September 19th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
@SoBroUdontEvenKnow, dude anything south of l.a. sucks. san diego is full of eww scenesters. the only cool places in so cal are bev/hollywood hills and parts near downtown.
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//////////Reply by SoBroUdontEvenKnow
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 1:38 pm
@yera, haha, eww scenesters, truth.
North County 4 lyfe. You can keep Hell City.
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Portland: home of the alternative, weird, musically inclined, beer, food, bike friendly dog loven and crafty peeps. I think Austin copied Portland’s saying though… Keep Portland Weird has been around for years. If you think it’s uncool, well you live where?
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toured most of the US this summer in a “punk band” that also plays “noise shows”… Bloomington IN is possibly the altest small city. Places like Santa Cruz, Olympia, etc. are too full of old hippies / wallowing in their altness to be truly alt. PDX is indeed getting blown out but still alt as fuck due to its punkness.
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portland sux mad dix
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Portland does not need to be alt, alt needs to be Portland. Portland is very prepared. The Popinski Brothers run this show. DRINK YOUR LIVES AWAY! Ah ha ha! Ah ha ha! Ah ha ha ha!
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Salt Lake City, Utah has an entry-leveler shirt that says “SL,UT”
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//////////Reply by Scrambled Fetus
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 8:38 am
@Anna,
If by entry-leveler, you really mean longboarding potheads and/or x96-listening, try-too-hard-to-be-not-Mormon post White Trash bros who probably have a story about hanging out with Bert McCracken, then yeah.
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i go 2 a liberal alts school in portland oregon
portland is in trouble
u cant be cool and young cuz there are laws thattt make it pretty hard 4 u to get in2 shows if u r not 21. sombody 4rom a state w/ alkyhol should send some 2 the poor kids in portland so we can get dranked up.
thanks
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jesus fucking christ. i can’t believe i followed some facebook link to this blog. this is some of the most depressing shit i’ve ever seen.
alternative “brand” ???
alternative???
brand???
how about authentic fucking life.
i’m born and raised. 90% of these pretentious txting hipster fucks are transplants who are insecure about being transplants and overcompensating. anyone (i mean ne1 lolz) remember when alberta was a cruising strip and had several successful black owned businesses?
no, because you fucks ran them out of their own neighborhood. you racist asshats don’t even know you’re racist but you are systematically destroying inner n/ne portland.
then, you have the nerve to think you’re cooler and better than other people because you hang out at some hellhole like tube?
fuck you and go back to the midwest, southern cal, or wherever the fuck you came from.
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//////////Reply by blipster
//////////Posted September 19th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
@youresoironic, chillllll bro, why so serious?
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//////////Reply by internet god champio
//////////Posted September 19th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
@blipster, dont think he ‘gets it’
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Yeah, I’m a Portland native and as many people have already says, it comes from a local 24 hour diner owned by a drag queen in downtown Portland. It is a rather famous spot, though, and makes for a definite Portland landmark with it’s tacky interior and montage to the “golden days” of drag queendom. Haha. Portland definitely hasn’t lost its cred.
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ble,ble,ble,ble,ble,tshirt
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@FRESNAHBR0
I live in fresno too
Thought I was the only one
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About the “Keep Austin Weird” shirt:
80 miles away there is San Antonio’s “Keep San Antonio Lame” t-shirt. I forget who makes it. It’s a pretty hip local company. Would you rather be lame or alt?
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the roxys where its at. fucking eat a few of their cheesy fries in the midst of the glamor district and then fucking complain. that shirt is JUST.
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is portland less “jock fratdude broski” than bawwstin is?
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been living in east Portland my whole life. I witnessed the hippie granola scene shift into the alt hipster music obsessed demographic we have now. what i love about my town is that regardless of how many people from LA talk about how bad they wish they could live here and work at a coffee shop/ufix it bike shop, we just dont give a fuck. In fact the more people who feel the need to popularize the unpopular, the less “Jonny bicycle” who rides a fixie to work with a leather bound 1940’s vintage bag slung around his neck cares about it. We don’t care if people see us as a niche city with a easily digestible mantra of music, beer and art. Its not our THING, its just what people who happen to be living in the fucking Willamette valley like to fucking do. The fact that a girl wears a shirt that says Portland fucking Oregon doesn’t mean anything. I’m not “scared” of Portland changing. applying a social image to a collection of people is just stupid and should be left to US Weekly. Stop freaking compartmentalizing everything. god damn. so I saw Yacht at Backspace last night then sat out on hawthorne till three drinking overpriced beer and eating food bought from a quirky food cart playing equally quirky music, so what. I didn’t do it for the image, or to further some forced idea of what Portland should be like. Its what I happen to enjoy. Not everything is a fucking meme.
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has no one seen the ‘keep portland weird’ shirt?
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Des Moines, IA! Hell yeah. we have a company called smash that everyone loves. http://www.thesmashsite.com/
amazing.
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