After pouring his beautiful heart/mind/soul into his last post, Carles was scared, afraid to blog again. Then the Dorito Bro was sent 2 him [via God] as a reason 2 blog again. This post is a celebration of the Dorito Alt.
Photo via lookbook
Planning a party, so many choices
Just want to facilitate a good time for all of my bros
offering the best drugs and alcoholic beverages
playing the best music
and having the most appropriate party snacks available.
I don’t want people ‘making a fucking mess’ in my house
I don’t want to spend too much money
I do want ppl 2 b able to ‘grab n go’
I do want ppl 2 remember this partie 4ever.
It seems like there are so many choices in the chip aisle
No transfat, kettle chips, tortillian chips, chips made of the blue corn
Cheetos, Tostitos, Fritos, Doritos, Ruffles, Sour Cream N Onion, BBQ
Cheddar, Jallypenny, Cracked Pepper, Sea Salt, Vinegar
Brands presented 2 me by Frito Lay, Inc
and miscellaneous underground/indie chip brands
trying 2 ‘break thru’ offering a healthy alternative to mnstrm chips
(much like the indie music scene)
I want 2 pick something healthy
but I want something tasty
maybe I’m messing up
and should be in the ‘cracker’ aisle
or perhaps buying some sort of ’spread’/'dipping concoction’
offered by the local Whole Foods
I trust Frito Lay because of the years, they have done so much
to innovate the chip industry
s0 many choices
s0 many brand loyal customers
s0 many manufacturing efficiencies
s0 many low prices
Seems like i might narrow down my choices
to Fritos, Doritos, Cheetos
Worried that ppl will think I’m ‘boring’ if I choose Fritos
Worried that ppl will get ‘cheeto dust’ fingers if I choose Cheetos
Doritos seem like a ‘kewl’ option.
I think it is alternative/authentic when your brand is customizable
or if the brand offers you multiple alternatives
so that u can choose which flavor truly represents u
From what I understand ‘consumers are not searching for the perfect flavor, they are searching 4 as many options as possible.’
s0 many choices with the Dorito Brand
I really appreciate the core flavors
‘Nacho Cheesier!’ seems cheesier than just ‘Nacho Cheese’
‘Cooler Ranch!’ is also extreme bc of the exclamation point in the name. It is as exciting as a band with punctuation in their band name.
Really could go for a full meal. Possibly a steak dinner.
Might ‘cut back on the calories/fat’ and eat chicken instead.
Pizza also sounds like a good option
If I lived in India, I would probably ‘really dig’ the Curry flavored Doritos
If I lived in ______, I would really enjoy the Rock & Cream Doritos.
‘Damn.’
Not even sure who some of these are marketed 2. Seems like the Dorito CEO made a lot of these flavors ‘just for shits.’
It’s kinda kewl how their brand did ‘mashups’ kinda like Girl Talks.
I think this is another mashup for Aznz.
Think this flavour was meant 4 me since I am a ‘late nite’ bro who needs ‘drunk food’
Might fly to Asia just to try this American flavor, or possibly just go 2 Taco Bell.
It is also xtreme 2 eat Doritos because they have ‘drugs’ in them.
Wonder if I can ‘get fucked up’ by eating a couple of bags of doritos.
Seems like this flavor is made out of horses.
I’m not sure what these doritos taste like. It seems like the are breaking free from the traditional triangle Dorito shape, providing a new dipping structure.
Doritos 3Ds also ‘transcended’ the traditional form+function of Doritos.
Eager to try ‘human doritos.’
Hi. I’m the Dorito bro.
R u coming to my party?
“Friends, Food, Fun.” -the description on the facebook event page
Description: “We’re gonna eat a shit load of Doritos, drink Mountain Dew, and listen 2 bloghaus.”
Sorta wish Doritos naturally existed in nature and we got to ‘harvest’ and ‘export’ them. Feel like it would save our economy.
What’s ur fave kind of ‘potato chip’?
What is the most authentic chip/party snack?
Do u have any party planning tips?
Are Doritos the most authentic alternative brand on the planet?
Is Doritos the new Chili’s?
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IAmCarles.com
55 Comments
Let’s chill soft 4ever
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//////////Reply by Tao
//////////Posted September 20th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
@Bebe, Babee GRRRL
Let’s jus Get it Done With!
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//////////Reply by Tao
//////////Posted September 20th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
@Tao, AND buy my book.
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//////////Reply by Farkus
//////////Posted September 20th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
@Tao, will u make the book available in my local campus bookstore?
//////////Reply by Apreludes
//////////Posted September 20th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
@Tao, I bought your book.
//////////Reply by d
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 9:22 am
@Tao, tao i tried to buy your book at the borders on my campus (the first borders in the country actually)…they did not have it.
shit burns the roof of ya mouth
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LATE NITE, LAST CALL (POP with some l-arginine in hopes of getting it Ups)
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yep
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dan deacon just published this on his facebook
http://www.lessergonzalezalvarez.com/cantherockquestion/
im so tired
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//////////Reply by fullscale008
//////////Posted September 20th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
@piadro, shank that zaney nilla
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HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
This is a Minimal/Conceptual/Comment
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cool ranch doritos in the boom boom… all day e’e'e’e'e’e'e’e'e’e'e’e”e’e'e’e'e’day
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carls, i’m rly happy for u and imma let u finish, but ur post on kanyeezy interrupting taylors wifft was 1 of the best posts of all time
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//////////Reply by Steez
//////////Posted September 20th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
@Brandon Ulrich, hahahahahahaha
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” ‘Nacho Cheesier!’ seems cheesier than just ‘Nacho Cheese’ ” ROFLMAOLOLOLOLOL
I havent even read a lot of ur latest posts but after reading that i realize now that ur not losing it, ur just going thru an experiemental phase trying to reach new audiences. so many times in life ppl try so hard to make each other laugh by thinking of the cleverest/most post ironic things but sometimes all it takes is someone saying something silly. whatever this was just a long ass way to say ‘LULZ’.
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Worst. Post. Ever.
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//////////Reply by ham
//////////Posted September 20th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
@Bro, hey do u liek mlia
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Hi Carlos it’s Farkus. I ate some Doritos last night with my friands. We played Rock Band: The Beatles and watched Max Payne. It was great. I love The Warner Brothers and I love Frito Lay. What a coincidence.
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//////////Reply by bANANAS
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 3:58 am
@Farkus, Lets date? seem like my kinda man. kinda feelin l0nley..
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wow, if somebody can justify this post being relevant, then we’re all doomed.
the ‘curry flavored doritos’ are actually ‘lays’.
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//////////Reply by gaston
//////////Posted September 20th, 2009 at 9:52 pm
@hikikomori., an irrelevant post in hro? why, never
this is a relevant post. by feigning to be excited by the sheer variety of flavours corporate snacks come in, carles drives home how profoundly dismal and ridiculous corportate america suck my dick
furthermore, by comparing bands to snacks (’indie/underground snack companies’) he is trivializing the former, making us wonder if having ‘favorite bands’ and defining oneself by them isn’t really as ridiculous as defining yrself via doritos
(’no shit, sherlock’ – a snarky person with dial-up internet in 1999)
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//////////Reply by levo
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 12:23 am
@gaston, bingo
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//////////Reply by ripples
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 9:20 pm
@gaston, bravo. If they weren’t dime-a-dozen these days I’d tell you to start up a HRO analysis blog.
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Best caption: ‘Damn.’
great return from your brief hiatus.
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//////////Reply by broseph
//////////Posted September 20th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
@A Post-Modern Bro, i was l-o-l-ing @ that 2
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You have to be kidding me. A post on chips. wow.
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//////////Reply by Joe Diffie
//////////Posted September 20th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
@Steez, Look deeper
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//////////Reply by Steez
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 1:37 pm
@Joe Diffie, Yo Diffie stop being a tool
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//////////Reply by HOMOSAPIEN_FUCK
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 9:19 pm
@Steez, hahahaha
crls, dont stress, we love you no matter what
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crls your blog, it is slipping..
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guys
we need to blame god for this
not carles
@crls: you should know better
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i’d like some cheetos doritos and fritos, two apple pies and a small fries
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not that every fattie is like having creative surges (via andy capps hot fries/mountain dew), but consuming straight, mass msg/implementing anti-nutritive ways would lead 2 tripPPPPy zones, different but probs similar 2 starvation, don’t u think??
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what the fuck are all those doritos doing on the beach though, really?
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//////////Reply by broseph
//////////Posted September 20th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
@brittany, cargo fell of a ship making it a great day for looter bros
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//////////Reply by brittany
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 7:00 am
@broseph, oh. another wonderful gift straight from god’s blue ocean.
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//////////Reply by jjj
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 1:42 am
@brittany, Doritto Extended Family Reunion 2009 @ the beach?
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//////////Reply by aw, fukk
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 9:57 am
@brittany, a portal to a dorito-dimension (where everything, including ppl, are made out of doritos) opened and gravity and some other inter-dimensional forces pulled them into the vortex and they landed on the beach…
The ppl picking them up are government agents trying to ‘cover everything up’…
…this is the only known picture of the event, taken by a tourist to the beach…
…he was found dead 3 hours later…
…he had choked himself to death after shooting his own kneecaps…
…and that was the best spring break ever!!
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not the new Chili’s.
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Who puts all of those Doritos on the damn beach?
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dear carles,
fucking awesome.
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um you forgot the most relevant azn doritos of all time
http://img188.imageshack.us/img188/3015/karatedoritos.jpg
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that’s a mexican supermarket
so he’s not just a dorito altbro. he’s a mexican dorito altbro.
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why does the JPN combo look like a Pokemon Battle Revolution
FRITO-LAY sent out GARLIKLOV – do you want to eat KARAYFISHUBRO?
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I appreciate this post more than you can ever know.
-a ‘happy to finally have a label’ dorito loving bro
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every1 shut the fuck up about how obviously lame this post is, it’s fucking sunday. damn.
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Authentic tortilla chips (not the 365 brand at Whole Foods – the ones from the mercado) are more alt than Doritos (via cultural awareness).
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if someone does something ‘for fuck’s sake,’ does that mean that they are ‘DTF’?
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I fucking hate Sunday, I hate church, and I hate Jesus. Fuck this day.
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i can’t read kanji so idk about the wrestler doritos (cracked pepper and something). but the other flavors were honey-butter, lobster/garlic, roast corn, and nori.
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I’m a speed and coke bro myself, so I never eat this stoner crap. I’m mean, how am I supposed to fit into my “skinny jeans” anyway?
Personally, I think Carles is just trying to make the “competition” fatter so that he can score more hot bitches.
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Best. Post. Ever.
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In nebraska we eat corn-flavored doritos
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//////////Reply by lolz
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 2:46 am
@sigh, neeko? is dat u?
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//////////Reply by sigh
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 3:34 am
@lolz, haha no but I know neeko
(apparently he is well known over the interwebz?)
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//////////Reply by aw, fukk
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 8:16 am
@lolz, o hai
i luv cheetos, btw
@sigh
y is ur name s0000 emo??
do u want 2 borrow my MCR CDs??
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damn carles you’re right fritos are kinda boring. pour some chili on theer, ya turkey!
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blue farm organic tortilla chips are cool
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//////////Reply by HOMOSAPIEN_FUCK
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 9:20 pm
@WhildenVI, Yeah if you’re a left leaning liberal
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I really wanna know, where you got the last picture from (with the ppl harvesting fritos from the beach)
Did you find or photoshop it?
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//////////Reply by aw, fukk
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 10:00 am
@Schorsch,
damn, ‘harvesting’
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//////////Reply by Schorsch
//////////Posted September 21st, 2009 at 5:44 pm
@aw, fukk, sorry, i didnt get that – maybe its cause im from germany …
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i had some cheetos for lunch today. in england they have ketchup flavored doritios.
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CARLES FAIL
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I want 2 b anything but ordinary pls [via Avril Lavagina]
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i want the human doritos.
I feel it would keep me ‘in touch’ with humanity
[via digestion]
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d0rit0s= alt chip of the 90’s.
now its mainstream, like the leon kings of.
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bro 1: Let’s bring our doritos to the leon kings of concert.
bro 2: ok, but bring a couple bagz since we;ll be drunk high & hungry.
bro 1: will d0.
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This is such a brave post after putting yourself out there with the transcendent amazingness of the Kanye post. I’ll try to pick up some human Dorito’s in Japan. So tasty. I love the extra toenails at the bottom.
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doritos translates to little bits of gold.
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blog too krunchy.
boil it down, inject.
repeat.
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i only eat cooler ranch! doritos
official doritos of panda bear
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB2hRH9WnQ8
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is this a commercial for Doritos? Is Doritos paying for product placement in blogs? Brilliant. Carles send me some dough. You must be rich!
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Your posts are too long now, not reading them
Just cut the bullshit
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enjoyable. i even laughed once.
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how to make fritos exciting [via mexi bar near the smell] :
1. pour fritos into bowl
2. add Tapatio
3. squeeze lemon on top
4. toss
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//////////Reply by remixes are better
//////////Posted September 22nd, 2009 at 3:41 pm
@jelly, better
http://www.ramenlicious.com/recipes/doritos-ramen-salad.html
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Instead of “Collision” they should change it to “COOLision!” I guess that’s what they’ll do next.
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not sure if this website is still relevant to my life, going to art school but no mackbook pro(hp) sparks gone…rip bro. real metaphyisical design problems/solutions, less keutsy nihlistic ramblings abt meme’s viralness…tugjobs carls yo’ve changed to manys
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this issue had never occurred to me before. the next time I buy chips (and go through a serious mental process in order to figure out which type of chips) I hope for it to be a more meaningful experience.
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