Photos via sorryimissedurparty
Sometimes I wonder how many more opportunities I will have to chill hard with my bros. It seems like something inside of me ‘wants to settle down with a woman and own her’, but that type of commitment requires ‘moving on with my life’ and leaving bro chill sessions behind. It seems like people don’t realize that weddings are not just a celebration of the union of man and woman, but also a ‘going away party’ for your Quality Bro Time. Your bros have always been there for you, and you have probably had more fun/better conversations with your bros than you will ever have with your mate. But it’s time to ‘move on’ from being ‘just another bro.’ It’s time to be a married bro and start a family.
Groomsmen photos seem to authentically capture the last moments of ‘bro.’
Bros seem excited to ‘go to weddings for their bros.’ It’s like ‘we can’t believe we are growing up, becoming men, working at Insurance Agencies.’ Groomsmen might be The Ultimate Bros, because it is the last opportunity to ‘be a bro to your bro.’ After all the awkward moments where you want to share life/tell a bro how much he means to you, bros are finally given the opportunity to ‘be there’ for their bro It seems like women are ‘genuinely happy for eachother’ when a female friend gets married. I think that women ‘honestly believe that every1 else has a better life than them’, so they are sorta jealous to see one of their friend symbolically ‘moving on.’
I just want my wedding to be a celebration for me and my bros. I want to take plenty of pictures, since it might be the last time that we ‘look good/young’ on camera. Sad that ‘this is the end.’
Just want the wedding-goers to realize that me and my bro-clan is a group of ‘very interesting people.’ We are not like traditional groups of men, we are light-hearted, silly, and compassionate. Sorta want to post my groomsmen photos on facebook, and then make a comment saying ‘Damn. We look good.’ or something like that, then see my bros chime in with references to zany comedies.
We look good in our suits, and we might wear ’sweet ass sunglasses.’
It seems like this is our last chance to ‘look good’, before we get older, fatter, balder, less in touch with ‘what we think is kewl.’
Just need to take one last great picture with my groomsmen. One image that showcases who we are as a group of bros. Need to let every1 know that we are ‘a lil bit zany.’ We need old people to see our youth, see our bond, and sorta get jealous + sad about dying.
‘I’ll never forget that one time in high school/college.’ -a pack of bros
This this picture was taken on a bridge to represent some sort of metaphor for ‘a bridge connecting the past to the future.’ In the past we were bros, but in the future, we shall be husbands and fathers. We will have more responsibilities than ever, and our lives’ will no longer belong to us. This is the last moment of bro.
I sorta hope I am able to ’stay in touch’ with my bros. It seems like some ppl expect to ’still have friendships’ when u get married, but they don’t realize marriage doesn’t really allow for that. U are dedicated to taking care of some1’s insecurities, and possibly helping them coordinate their meal schedule.
I feel sad that one day I will lose my bros, but I hope it is 4 ‘the right gal.’ Wish I had taken advantage of my ‘glory days’, back when every night was a chill bro session. It seems like on my wedding day, I might start to think that I am a homosexual, because I will have so many emotions about my bros being there for me. I will probably cry a lil bit, and my bride/wife will think it is for her, but it will actually be because
But srsly yall… should my group of groomsmen bros wear Converses?
Or should we chill in Vans?
Afraid of being a late-20s alt, and feeling ‘pressured’ to do mainstream things like get married/start a family/buy an economical car.
Previous Important Wedding Posts
White People Must go to Extremes to make a Life Event ’seem meaningful.’
My Meaningful Alternative Wedding
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IAmCarles.com
45 Comments
first dooooooooooooooooood
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//////////Reply by juliet
//////////Posted November 7th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
@carles,
seems like this blog post was written four days before yours, via plagiarism?
http://www.sorryimissedyourparty.com/2009/10/man-day-thursday-groomsmen.html
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have yallz ever seen ‘the hangovers’ hear it stars the bro from ‘he just want to fuck you and never call u again’
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how can u make posts when ur hosting a radio show crls
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You really need to shut the fuck up on your SiriusXM show…play more music, stop talking. I want to listen but have to turn you off everytime you open your stupid gob.
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The Groom is the like the Black Lion of the Groomsmen Bro-tron. Therefore… http://www.myairshoes.com/reebok/reebok-voltron-v-pack.html
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looks like my brethren. Never want to get married. Seems like marriage is just something man made from society and moral beliefs of the past. Women sure love it.
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Kinda think u might need a ‘proof reader’ C [via grammatical errors]
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tao wanted to post something on his blog. he couldn’t think of anything to post. buttercup was logged in to gmail chat. tao tweeted something he thought seemed funny, then read it five times and felt it caused progressively more negative emotions each time he read it, then deleted it.
“read your last tweet,” said tao, “i think it’s ‘the descendents’, bro.”
“bro,” replied buttercup, “fuck.”
“i could be wrong though,” tao said quickly. tao was unsure of his general level of comfort because the futon he was sitting on was broken and did not provide support for his ass. he scratched his chest a little.
“deleted it.” said buttercup.
“damn.” tao said.
“sup.” said buttercup.
“‘chillin.” said tao, “trying to paint on the computer, but i think my processor is too slow. ‘fucking blows’.” there was a noise to tao’s left. he looked and saw a white dog walk quickly toward him, stop, and stare at his face. tao made a ‘terrifying facial expression’ at the dog by making his teeth visible and rolling his eyes in circles while scrunching up his nose. the dog looked nervous, “sup.” tao said finally.
“layin on my bed,” said buttercup.
“you’re not writing bro?” asked tao, “i thought you were a ‘famous writer’.”
“tryin,” buttercup said, then paused momentarily to save the draft of the blog post he was writing. he came back to gmail and saw that he didn’t finish his thought, “to.” he said.
“damn.” replied tao.
“damn.” said buttercup.
“i think i will ‘try’ to write something too, later maybe. i don’t know,” said tao. he took a moment to go over possible plot developments in his head. “bro,” he said, “one of my blog’s contributors left the blog.”
“is tumblr ‘fucking’ down?” buttercup said.
“seems okay, but also like everything is falling apart, damn.” said tao
“damn,” said buttercup, “hearing descendants songs i never heard before.”
“trying to download ’somery’,” said tao, “don’t know if i ‘get’ punk. might have been born too late or something. it isn’t downloading. fuck, bro.” tao had feelings of inadequacy and incoherence and thought, maybe buttercup can help make these feelings go away, and asked “how did you ‘invent’ your ‘voice’?”
“bro,” said buttercup, “damn.”
“is that something you ‘disclose’?” tao asked.
“damn, maybe not.”
“seems pretty ubiquitous now. seems like you did something ‘effectively’. damn.” tao felt mild embarrassment that made the intense feelings of inadequacy stop momentarily. he decided to try to be funny. “did you hear bro?”
“damn, what?” said buttercup, quickly.
“i hate to break it to you. michael jackson is supposedly dead.”
“damn.”
“‘can’t fucking believe it’ or something.”
“seems OK.”
“i guess. i guess i kind of expected it to happen in 15-30 maybe 50 years from now.”
“damn.”
tao sent buttercup a link to a tweet he had written recently.
“sweet.” said buttercup. he tweeted “does anybody know of any ‘relevant music’ artists?” then deleted it.
“passion pit seems pretty relevant, bro.” said tao.
“damn.” said buttercup.
“and the dirty projectors are considered a ‘buzz band’ to some degree. haven’t listened to them though.”
“scratching my penis,” said buttercup.
“damn,” said tao, “’successfully’ or ‘unsuccessfully’? seems like i ‘unsuccessfully’ do that a lot.”
“damn.” said buttercup, “didn’t think of it like that.”
“i wish that i had a girlfriend, bro. girlfriends seem good.”
“glad i have a g-f.” said buttercup.
“damn,” said tao, “i feel like ‘the only bro in the world without a girlfriend’ right now. seems like there isn’t much demand or something. how did you get a girlfriend bro?”
“through my career.” buttercup said bluntly.
“damn, i need a ‘career’ too. also seems unavailable but for other reasons. ‘unattainable’ rather.”
“jus gotta ‘keep goin’.” said buttercup.
tao left, made a bowl of cereal, and came back.
“might masturbate soon.” said buttercup.
“seems good.” said tao, “seems like i would too, but i think my grandmother is in my house. damn.”
“lock your door bro.”
“don’t have a door. ‘totally fucked’.” tao finished his cereal. he decided to get another bowl in the near future. “hope she leaves soon. i need to restart my computer bro. goodnight bro.”
“night.” buttercup watched four-hours worth of youtube videos and sent a lot of short text messages to sarah and one long one to brandon and eventually felt kind of hungry.
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//////////Reply by ED
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
@buttercup mcgillicuddy,
TLDR
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//////////Reply by nim chimpsky
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
@buttercup mcgillicuddy, damn, kinda in2 ur aesthetic, wnt 2 read more, where can we dl ’stealing from am appy’?
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//////////Reply by nerdAlt
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
@buttercup mcgillicuddy,
what iphone app r u using to write this. i dunno maybe it has a paragraph option. x
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//////////Reply by alt++h
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
@buttercup mcgillicuddy,
What was the purpose of this? Self-promotion? I don’t think you have any kind of shot at becoming “the next Tao Lin” or “the next CRLS” if all of your “stunts” and “gimmicks” are weak attempts like this. Why don’t you try actually making something original and stop trying to piggy-back on Tao and Carles’s success. Please. This is painful to watch.
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//////////Reply by __*
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
what a FGGT
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//////////Reply by brittany
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
@alt++h, i agree, jesus christ i’ve seen enough of it
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//////////Reply by g_n_r_c_BLPST*R
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
@alt++h,
STFU. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? SOME ASS-WIPE MAKING LAME AS FUCK JUDGEMENTS OFF THE CUFF, AND SHIT
JUDGE NOT LEST YEE BE JUDGED ASSHOLE
@brittany,
CUNT, as if you ain’t pullin the same game as my man buttacup is
you just mad ’cause he’s black and might actually have talent compared to whatever bullshit that is on your blog, bitch
get the fuck off your high horse and quit bitchin
AND STOP USING THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN/UNIRONICALLY
//////////Reply by Lunar Sea
//////////Posted October 20th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
@buttercup mcgillicuddy, Tried to read. tl
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//////////Reply by flowers4alger-anon
//////////Posted October 21st, 2009 at 9:57 am
@buttercup mcgillicuddy,
[open on bro sitting at computer on gmail chat drinking a budweiser. he types.]
gerald: wazzzzuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuppp
steve: waaaaaaaazzzuuuuuuuuuuuup!!!!!
gerald: just chattin man, drinkin a bud
steve: me too, me too
willard: hey yo can i get in on this chat?
gerald: oh shit! willard! waaazzzzuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!!!
willard: waaazzzzuuuuuuuppppp!! who else is here?
gerald: it’s me and steve. steve, say waazzuup!
steve: waaaazzzzuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuppp!
willard: waaazzzzuuuuupp!!
gerald: waaaaaaazzzzzuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!!
kenneth: waaaaazzzzuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuppppp
gerald: oh shit! waaaazzzzuuuuuuuuuup!!
steve: wwwaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzuuuuuuppppp
willard: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupppppppp
kenneth: aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
budweiser advertising in 2k15
ok.
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lol those pictures are outrageous
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America is experiencing the transition to post-douche culture. What do we do?
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//////////Reply by daffy
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
@a_nonnie_muss, kill all labrador retrievers ASAP
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Carlos Perez. Tell people the truth. you aren’t a brooklyn hipster. you are from san antonio, tx.
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//////////Reply by b4hc
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
@matt, u seem like a dick
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yeah bro i went to ur highschool. not going to name it, but prolly 2nd most authentic place in sa.
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Now that you are in your 30s you need to stop worrying about ‘becoming’ a late 20s bro
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Carlos your pretty cute from the photos you deleted from you photobucket not too long ago. Tell Tao Lin I said hi
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I LIKE WEDDINGS BECAUSE ALL THE TEQUILA IS FREE. IT´S VERY HARD FOR MY POCKET NOW IN DAYS TO GET WASTED HERE IN MEXICO, SINCE IT´S A 3RD WORLD COUNTRY AND THERE´S LIKE A FINANCIAL CRISIS…
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//////////Reply by Lunar Sea
//////////Posted October 20th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
@Kim, peso > dollar
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WHY THE FUK WULD YU WANA GET MARRID MUCH LES TUCH A GURL. GURLS HAVE COOTYS. GROSS.
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//////////Reply by flowers4alger-anon
//////////Posted October 21st, 2009 at 10:00 am
@kool kat klub, my ex-gfs vagina had teeth. true story.
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im a late 20s alt and dont wanna get married :(
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carlos will hro ever be the same now that we know you’re ’some guy’ named ‘carlos’ ‘perez’? ps is SA really authentic?
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//////////Reply by broseph stalin
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
@gnar sesh, if ‘relevant’ means ‘close to austin’, than yes.
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carles have you even been thrashed
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best part of being gay is that you get to spend the rest of yr life with yr best bro.
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//////////Reply by flowers4alger-anon
//////////Posted October 21st, 2009 at 10:01 am
@yall, don’t 4 get the ‘anal buffet’
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Getting married is so conformist.
I’m never getting married.
I could get married if I want to.
But I don’t.
That’s why I don’t want to get married.
But I could if I wanted to.
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Marriage.
Damn.
I mean, ’shit.’
I mean ‘how do the straights’ make a relationship equally and/or more authentic than ‘the gheys’??
What if ‘I employ Carles as the priest?’ or, like, ‘consummate the marriage’ @Tao’s_’pad’? Maybe we could, perchance, purchase ‘a sweet humble abode in the Brooklyn underground’ like the Shire or something and live like two lil Hobbits in a fantasy alt-reality since we ’share a pashy’ for LOTR.
I think ‘Jesus Christ’ needs 2 teach us nu-moar relevant lessons (via conceptuacore indie sound projecties).
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this post is thuper ‘ghey’.
well, done, Carles!
wanna smell mah ‘cunt’?
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this post made me depressed
should i just ‘fucking kill myself’
i think im going to lose my scholarship
girls are just ‘fucking absurd’
i bought a new mouse, its sweet
but nothing really matters anymore
seems like it would be easier to ‘end it’ than to try to ‘work through this’ and keep my scholarship and find someone that actually likes me and who i dont feel excessively nervous around
idk, is this possible
what sould i do
an hero? or ‘work 4 success’?
fuck everything
<3 u hro
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//////////Reply by jimmm
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
@aw, fukk,
u should prolly “kill yourself.” idk, dont listen to me bro.
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//////////Reply by aw, fukk
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
@jimmm, thanx 4 the comment bro
my new mouse is a logitech G500
i really like it
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//////////Reply by jimmm
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
@aw, fukk,
Sounds chill.
//////////Reply by grizzlycunt
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
@aw, fukk,
maybe you should rape her to get back in the position of being a man
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just want to know my late 20s alt marriage won’t be ‘worth less’ than a ‘fggt marriage.’
just want 2 b sure that my right 2 straight marriage is being defended.
what if 2 ’straights’ married? would that be okay? is straight marriage threatened if 2 ppl of the same gender marry but there is no buttfucking/sinning? does that still make u ‘a lil uncomfortable?’
just looking 4 answers, yall.
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//////////Reply by grizzlycunt
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
@brobro, marriage is a religious ceremony.
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afraid of marriage
afraid of commitment
afraid of ‘growing up’
might ‘turn ghey’ to avoid ’standard’ marriage
is ghey marriage alt?
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Don’t have to get ‘married’. Don’t have to ‘insert the male instrument into the female aperture’. Don’t have to ‘reproduce’. {etc.}
In fact, it’s better not have ‘children’ + getting ‘married’.
You’ll have more opportunities for BroChillTime/’being pleasured’ by Am Appy grls.
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Me give my heart to a woman
Not for nothin’ never happen’
I’ll be 4ever mackin’
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//////////Reply by xavier
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
@no fish today, lawls
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feel like marriage was way more awesome in it’s early days- no embarrassing photos, no prior experience of sex so you had something to look forward to..nowadays its just something people do cos it’s the norm and at least on some level question the wisdom of it
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//////////Reply by henry
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
@GLDFSH, marriage is too insane
let’s move in together and start a ‘tax-break’ co-op
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damn. i’m ‘groomsmanning’ this wknd.
not jelly of my bro. his life is ‘totally fucking boring’. had to have a conversation abt his $1000 knife ‘The Knife’ set the other day.
might have to ‘cut my fucking hair’ for this. bummed.
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//////////Reply by Blackface Killah
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
@tuxeedbro, feel u bro.
Was a groomsbro at my brother’s wedding this weekend. He is ‘mad mainstream ‘.
Had to shave my beard per request of the bride. Was rlly bummed about the infringement on my personal brand, but then I found a custom made tuxedo shirt with a black/neon 80’s hawaii/surfer print sewn on the arms and back that could not be seen while the jacket was on [via thrift store].
Took off the jacket later on at the reception and managed to show every1 I’m still ‘alt’/'an individual’ without ‘ruining the wedding’/'pissing off my Mom’.
Can lend it to you in exchange for some knives.
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//////////Reply by grizzlycunt
//////////Posted October 19th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
@Blackface Killah, wha!!!!!!!!! dont ever cut your beard again. are u insane?
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//////////Reply by Blackface Killah
//////////Posted October 20th, 2009 at 12:05 am
@grizzlycunt, not insane, just a pussy. I originally raised a big stink and refused to do it but the newlyweds stood their ground/begged/had Mom’s support. Cost/benefit analysis showed that remaining true to personal brand was not worth the miserable week of screaming matches that would have ensued. Sad, I know.
//////////Reply by anthony
//////////Posted October 20th, 2009 at 11:55 am
@tuxeedbro, i feel u ‘bro’. i made a sarcastic remark about ‘having a 401k’ at the last wedding i was at. kinda poking fun at the idea of growing up/coveting things that have no importance in ‘the here n now’. i was the only one who lafft. felt really ‘childish’/'ready to go home’. felt less than ’successful’ because i work pt at a dept store w/no ‘benefits’…
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//////////Reply by tuxeedbro
//////////Posted October 20th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
@anthony, been wondering if i’m supposed to make a ’speech’/'talk about vandalizing stuff with my bro when we were tweens’/'make jokes about riding a 10-speed bicycle and not being able to eat properly/spending all my money on booze.’ think the bride & her ’successful’ dad will think i’m a ‘bad influence’ on my bro. think i’ll end up getting thrashed with my bro’s dad and making a pass at a ‘boring-ass’ bridesmaid.
getting more excited, suddenly.
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//////////Reply by grizzlycunt
//////////Posted October 20th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
@anthony, laughter is the most success you can get in this shit ass world
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//////////Reply by onebroinaallbroworld
//////////Posted October 20th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
@tuxeedbro, I feel ya bro. Same thing happened to my friend. He went from wildnoutz to talkin about dinner sets. His girl whipped his ass, and now I gotta make an appointment just to see him. Had to cut my hair too because his wife didnt approve of my wild hair. I got yelled at for using the expensive glass set when we were taking shots. Feelin sad bros, and getting old. Can’t get married cause I’d just get bored of the girl and jerk off to teh hot young atlz girls. Feelin sad
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//////////Reply by grizzlycunt
//////////Posted October 20th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
@tuxeedbro, wear a short wig
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i was a groomsmen at my sister’s wedding.. it was fun!!1
check out my review of wtwta yall: http://baby-hedgehogs-american-apparel-dogs.blogspot.com/2009/10/i-put-holes-in-comprehensive-review-of.html
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Thought Mom was the ‘ultimate bro’ [via hipsterrunoff]
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holy shit crls. this is really sad and really scary.
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carles, will you marry me?
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//////////Reply by flowers4alger-anon
//////////Posted October 21st, 2009 at 10:08 am
@mouse, [via abstinence ring]
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God damn. They look so pathetic.
Like they’re already “out of touch”.
I really hope I die before I get old/lame.
I will make sure if I ever do get married that me and my bros will look like ‘Mad Men’ [via Paul Smith tweed suits] and actually look ‘fucking classy’.
No douchebro sunglasses, maybe something timeless [via black or tortoise shell Wayfarers/Clubmasters], or no sunglasses at all (my bros are handsome).
Hope all of my friends continue exercising and not eating. All the ‘bros’ in these pictures look fat, soft, and pale. Probably due to living in culturally irrelevant cities where there’s an absence of pressure ‘to look good’.
Ideally would just like to get married at Coachella with my most creative ‘babe’, while tripping on LSD w/ my homies by an ‘alt’ ‘new-wave’ spiritual bro. Rly hope Emily Haines would be the wedding singer (<3 metric).
H8 U mainstream-thinking-class Americans. Chris Brown sucks Kings of Leon "indie"-peen. Hope you have a divorce dance routine ready.
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Can’t wait to get married yall. Just want four walls and Adobe CS for my girls.
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//////////Reply by anthony
//////////Posted October 20th, 2009 at 11:55 am
@jimmm, lolz
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just got engaged yall, looking for an authentic ring design + place to get married
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this post couldnt have been more appropiately timed for me personally. just attended two weddings this past saturday. felt really ‘alienated’/'happy for my bros’…
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a bro-mantic moment
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srsly..
carles is way 2 comfy in nautica these days.
sorryimissedyourparty.com did this 1st.
ps. that site is actually better than this one.
pps. except she doesn’t sell shirts.
ppps. fuck.
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Hate it when your bro’s fall off, “ebrosion” killed my scene.
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‘like button’
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“Do I wish (Anticon) was still a crew? Yeah I miss that. To me, that’s what it’s all about. But when you’re married, you don’t want to be hanging out all the time. You want to be home making a stew and watching Heroes”
-Sole via interview with the SFBay Guardian this week
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wut’s with all the pics of ’swing bands’ above? veritable ‘zoot suit riot’ bitches. btw, where r their fckng instruments?!?!?! need hornzzz in my musics!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0&feature=player_embedded#
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