Apple recently came out with a new iPhone that has a webcam / HD video camera on it, so u can vlog and video chat with other people instead of using the phone in a generic manner. The new ads ‘highlighting’ this feature seem like they are really trying to demonstrate how technology can enhance opportunities for authentic human connections. Sorta feel like they portrayed tons of mainstream, Middle American ideas of ‘family’, ‘love’, and ‘relationships’, trying to make the Apple brand ‘essential’ in Middle America.
Honestly feel kinda bummed because I thought I was progressive 4 using Apple products.
Guess now that there is an Apple Store at every suburban mall, I should stop kidding myself
Apples are for streamers
Dells are fore streamers
GPS devices are for suburban streamers
All technology has ‘gone mainstream’ [via relatively affordable price points/in-store credit opportunities]
Every1 loves 2 love technology
An opportunity to stay connected
Every new product–website, software, or hardware device
gives us an opportunity to take ‘humanity’ to the next level
Making us more relevant than any generation before us
the ability to do more great things
So pumped to use the lil camera on my iPhone 4
Gonna livevlog so hard
No longer waiting til I get home to upload my vlogs to my youtube/vimeo account
my tribe of followers are gonna be soo connected to my web brand
Gonna tell my boyfriend that he finally planted a load of semen in my vagina
Livevlogging via Apple will change everything
Feel like it will be just as fulfilling as hanging out with some1 in person
Won’t even really have 2 leave the house
or buy a cell phone plan–probs just a data plan
with the skype/iChat app
Can’t wait to break up with my GF using iPhone video chat technology
Or to tell her that she ‘looks like shit’ and needs to put on something
more flattering/forgiving for our date
Might also tell her that I have an STD
Or ‘threaten 2 kill her’ [via Mel Gibson / OJ Simpson]
I always feel creeped out
and uncomfortable when old people use technology
I feel like they deserve to live their lives’ without it
New commercials make me kinda sad that we are forcing iProducts down their throats
because I don’t really think I want to experience any of these lamestream events in my life
Don’t wanna have a family
Don’t wanna have a kid
Don’t want to ‘take care’ of my parents after they get old
Gonna stick them in a homeless community without wifi, and limited TV access
Might just ship them 2 North Korea
But maybe when I am a dad,
I will buy my daughter a cell phone so that we don’t fall out of touch
I can use technology to relate to her on her own level
send her positive texts
maybe even ‘get hornie’ and sext with her if my marriage falls apart and I become an alcoholic
She is soo spoiled
Paid for braces
Data plan
Private School
Horse Riding Lessons
and she can’t even vlog with me?
‘spoiled ass bitch’ -Gen Y dad after raising a terrible kid
Even if I’m in the military
and my wife gives birth
U can jam an iPhone up her pussy
and ‘live vlog’ that shit
Kinda sad I won’t be able to start off being a ‘deadbeat dad’ on the right foot.
Even if u can’t ‘talk’ on ur phone, u can utilize sign language
to vlog hard
I miss the days when Apple would just put a cutesy indie song in their commercials
harvesting buzzbands to the mainstream
like the Feists
or other ‘shitty alt rock songs’
like that one by the band JET
I remember when I was the only alt in my elementary / middle school / high school / college dorm to have a Mac
Before it was even ‘maltstream trendy’
Really just fit in with my lifestyle
Not even trying ’2 be kewl’
But now every1 has an apple product
iPhones
iPods
iShuffles
iMacs
iPads
iTweens
So many opportunities
to help Middle Americans and mainstreamers
utilize technology in tacky ways
How much is 2 much?
I remember when technology used to just be for people who lived in relevant cities
but I guess suburban families are kinda rich
and have tons of money 2 blow
at Apple Store outlets
How do u feel about Apple’s new Middle American brand?
Is Apple ‘swirling down the shitter’ or are they like a buzzband that is morphing into U2?
Are Apple’s products ‘perfect’ or is AT&T ‘fucking bullshit’?
Should I start using Android for pure Google integration?
Do u h8 living in the vlog era?
What meaningful moments of ur life do you think you will livevlog with your friends and families?
Do these commercials make u want to throw up?
Do u wish you could be a semi-professional actor who got the chance to star as a ‘generic American’ in an iPhone commercial?
Are humans ‘too connected’ via technology?
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38 Comments
first?
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//////////Reply by broseph heller
//////////Posted July 13th, 2010 at 6:31 pm
@wolvesarepeopletoo, u r the most authentic bro, truly a mtntop moment
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second?
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THIRD WITH CONFIDENCE
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well done carles btw this is a high quality hro post, i laughed inside several times (does anyone ever actually lol anymore?)
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//////////Reply by Sbro1070
//////////Posted July 12th, 2010 at 6:34 pm
@sillyhuman, LOLed @pic of shitty dudebro cut
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//////////Reply by brory
//////////Posted July 13th, 2010 at 12:59 pm
@Sbro1070, me 2 bro
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umfifth
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sixxxxxxxxx yaaaa’lllllllllll
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seventh heaven
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so ashamed 2 live in the vlogging era. h8 u pretentious tweens who think ur lyfe is cool enough to document via youtube.
probs just going 2 use the new iphone to video-sext my boyf.
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crls, u detourned that shit bro
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i AM a semi profesh actr wanting 2 b in a ghey commersh. wish i couldve gotten 2 star as the old school macbro douche. (via my cover letter 2 apple casting dept.)
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//////////Reply by Nipslip
//////////Posted July 13th, 2010 at 10:40 am
@jkaps, kool story bro
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crls, I finally ‘get’ why you eat at chili’s. I feel like I’ve ‘arrived’.
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sometimes your blog makes me angry. dkwhy
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“maybe even ‘get hornie’ and sext with her if my marriage falls apart and I become an alcoholic”
LOL\ED HARD
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//////////Reply by kool bro dee
//////////Posted July 13th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
@broey socey scene, lol
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This song is prime for an Apple ad.
http://vimeo.com/13164956
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I like Tracphone way better
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Saw this shit in a bar in DC. Sex and the City chicks on some sort of junket drinking ‘appletinis’ had their married with kid “BFF” on the iPhone video set up on bar gabbing and showing off “remotely viewed” baby.
Wanted to throw up but it would have spoiled my tempura.
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//////////Reply by wes branderson
//////////Posted July 12th, 2010 at 7:55 pm
@Chas, word. people need to man up and start taking their childrens to bars again.
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what is ellenpagebro doing in the dykie haircut commersh? did she have to chop her hair off for jewno part 2?
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h8 applebros & their branding.
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Great post.
I seriously love how carles trolls all “hipsters” and they don’t even notice.
But yeah apple products are shit
technology has uses, but relegating all communication to technology alienates us
I mean sure phones are handy but when social interaction itself is reduced to facebook likes and fucking shit like that, man
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//////////Reply by middle
//////////Posted July 12th, 2010 at 6:13 pm
@brosephine, word
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//////////Reply by Brobert Downey Jr.
//////////Posted July 12th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
@brosephine, I c what u r doing here.
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//////////Reply by dirty brojectors
//////////Posted July 12th, 2010 at 7:30 pm
@brosephine, kinda worried u dont rly ‘get it’ as much as u think u do
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//////////Reply by brosephine
//////////Posted July 12th, 2010 at 8:28 pm
@dirty brojectors, I get that self parody is used as some sort of validation or justification mechanism but the question of authenticity comes up,
if you’re just laughing at yourself whilst playing along with everyone else, what’s the point?
the old questions of what is “good”, as in the value, or how to live well etc.
If I’m not “getting it” feel free to inform me
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//////////Reply by brosephine
//////////Posted July 12th, 2010 at 8:52 pm
@brosephine, here’s something from wikipedia i found interesting
Klein’s arguments about irony reifying rather than breaking down power structures is echoed by Slavoj Žižek. Žižek argues that the kind of distance opened up by detournement is the condition of possibility for ideology to operate: by attacking and distancing oneself from the sign-systems of capital, the subject creates a fantasy of transgression that “covers up” his/her actual complicity with capitalism as an overarching system.
of course that doesn’t have to always be the case but it can be
//////////Reply by generk witty cmmnt
//////////Posted July 12th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
@brosephine,
lol u are the WORST!
//////////Reply by broman capote
//////////Posted July 13th, 2010 at 10:19 am
@brosephine, quoting zizek in HRO. you sure are pretensious. cheers.
//////////Reply by Nipslip
//////////Posted July 13th, 2010 at 10:43 am
@brosephine, think your confused about what they mean by ‘irony’ and what hro means by ‘irony’
just sayin
do you all think it will ever be possible to give/get a blow up via an apple device?
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I like to scan to someone special
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iphones are america
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I was thinking about buying an I-Phone, but I just saw that Consumer Reports does not recommend it, and they haven’t steered me wrong yet. Also, this comment is coming straight from the original Codger and not that impersonator.
The Codger
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//////////Reply by generk witty cmmnt
//////////Posted July 12th, 2010 at 10:29 pm
@The Codger,
terrible gimmick is terrible.
‘kobe!’
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carles this was a great post. luv how you integrated other posts into it. still wondering how you seamlessly photoshopped that black girl with the beard from the fashion show into the iphone commercial where she looks at her granddaughter.
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//////////Reply by best broast
//////////Posted July 13th, 2010 at 6:01 am
@wes branderson, lol
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Tbh feel like the vlog era came and went in with utube as weird outsider videoland + free copyrighted vids megaland. With ‘removed by wmg’ and/or google adz on eything + twitter allowing for specialness and expression sans the undying awkwardness of facial communication, feel like we’ve seen a shift away from vlogging as a preeminent medium, sort of like charlie chaplin and buster keaton era ‘giving way’ to hotchcocks and gangsters. So i guess it makes somsense to make facetime about intimacy/sex toy/family support ( what we need in these times) rather pushing a ‘andy warhol effect’ vlogcaster booth app for you and yoir soonto be famous ass pets (via circa summer of love/vlogging ’07-08). -written on an iphone sorry for the tyops! I’m in williamsburg right now glad u tweeted about mobile internet devices carles.
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//////////Reply by jordan fish
//////////Posted July 14th, 2010 at 12:11 am
@Jordan Fish, feel like this is the best comment on here. what do u think?
yes
okay
okay
yes
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//////////Reply by jordan fish
//////////Posted July 15th, 2010 at 7:10 pm
@jordan fish, that follow-up was a silly comment i shouldn’t a wrote. otoh, these Kelis ads are a-MAZING! Like a weird / cool / ‘ominous’ horror movie from Russia!
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THAT BRACES ONE JUST MAKES ME THINK ABOUT HOW BAD I WANNA FUCK SOME CHICK WITH A BIG HUGE METAL MOUTH LIKE THAT. LIKE I MEAN I JUST WANNA DRAIN MY NUT ALL OVER THOSE THINGS AND WATCH HER GET IT ALL OUT. ANY OF MY HRO NIGGA$ FEELIN ME? I DOWNLOADED A PRON CALLED ‘HEAVY METAL TEENS’ ONCE BUT THAT SHIT JUST AINT THE SAME
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//////////Reply by Abelard
//////////Posted July 13th, 2010 at 7:09 pm
@penis martinez, sup DJ STOLEN
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fuck, h8 that the vidchat is only through wifi
h8 that at and t dragged me into another 2yr contract
h8 that i love this phone
<3uiPhone4
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//////////Reply by generk witty cmmnt
//////////Posted July 12th, 2010 at 10:27 pm
@cousins,
wanna talk abt it?
here 4 u.
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apple’s prices are and have been “fucking bogus”. linux is alt as shit (www.ubuntu.com)
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wait i have a question. so sextin someone is against the law but will gettin nakey via iphone 4 get u sum jail time??
jus wonderin ok. dun wanna make mistakes no more
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The next step for Carles is definitely some good ol’ fashioned vloggin’.
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geschlobbin on mein vloggin
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Carles, this was a great post. Hilarious too, I lol’d. Made me think about stuff a little. Technology is great because it allows us to easily connect with people from all over the world so easily, but it also detracts from the ‘real life’ human experience. You know, like ‘back in the day’, when our ancestors would just sorta chill with those around them+relied more on each other for support.
N e ways, wish more HRO posts could be this good.
9.8/10
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//////////Reply by best broast
//////////Posted July 13th, 2010 at 6:10 am
@best broast, Also, this was insightful:
New commercials make me kinda sad that we are forcing iProducts down their throats
because I don’t really think I want to experience any of these lamestream events in my life
Don’t wanna have a family
Don’t wanna have a kid
Don’t want to ‘take care’ of my parents after they get old
Makes me wonder, do hipsters ever get married/have kids? Or is that too mainstream? I mean other than Panda bro.
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//////////Reply by Lenny Brooce
//////////Posted July 13th, 2010 at 6:26 am
@best broast, “there is nothing sadder than an aging hipster.”
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i will just enslave humanity in 3rd wurld cuntries to build my artiforgs so that i can drink 12 pbr tall boiz and 2 pk of am spts a day, evry day 4 ETRNTY
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moving to moscow for work next month. can only imagine how expensive these are gonna be there, and how tacky the peeps who have them are gonna be.
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that good
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Hmm quiet insightful, but the bit about the black dude? wtf, what’s being black got to do with it? i bet u think it’s political correctness or somethin but really maybe he was just the right guy for the video regardless of his skin color.
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Apple should have advertised mainstream harder [via bff jill]
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i don’t like it. i read somewhere that the reason telephone video-conferencing never took off was because people didn’t like having to show their face. it wasn’t because the technology wasnt available..we’ve had that technology for a long time… just imagine trying to lie to your boss/wife/mistress on a live video conf. imagine if this becomes the norm instead of a simple phone call.. the stress it would cause if people always had to be ‘on’ and look their best because they never knew when they would get a ‘call’. there is enough self-consciousness/self-reflexivity in the culture as it is, this iphone stuff would just heighten it to the extreme.
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