HIPSTER RUNOFF

It's so difficult to be a band these days. Close to impossible to get a decent amount of buzz from an authentic tribe of followers on the internet. U have to something special 2 get some1's attention on the internet, fighting against so many other memes that exist.

There's more 2 being in a band than just writing songs, recording MP3s, building myspace layouts, and guilting your immediate network of friends into coming to ur crappy shows. U have be be a master online strategist who knows how to generate content that truly 'gets ppl tlkng.' Gets ppl tweeting. Gets ppl buzzing. Gets ppl excited abt ur brand.

My buzzband and I decided 2 'take matters into our own hands', and do something that would get the attention of not only 'in-real-life' consumers, but also generate bloggable content that would force people on the internet to listen 2 our band. We decided to block a busy expressway in our local city during rush hour traffic. We knew there was a high chance of us getting arrested, but we didn't care because we were probably never going to get real jobs anyways.

This was our moment. Our time to shine. We weren't just playing for the cars in the front row of our traffic jam. We were playing for all of the ppl who were gonna watch this shit on youtube, and share it with their friends. They would see how chill we were, how 'effing sick' our music was, and what we were all about. We would be on every television channel and blog, and soon we would get a 'sweet ass record contract.' Maybe we would even make some money on iTunes sales 2 mainstreamers.

Here's what we look up close up. We're the Imperial Stars. Do we seem chill? Do yall wanna listen 2 our mp3s? If we 'guestlist' u, can u come backstage and give us Beejes?

Just trying 2 get home 2 suburbia
But there was a buzzband blocking my way
so trapped in my life
so trapped in my car
so trapped on society's roads (physically + metaphorically)
now trapped listening to this crappy buzzband :-(

This is 'brilliant marketing' because we are also releasing a track called "Traffic Jam." Here is the official music video. U can see we're sorta like 3 Oh! 3 meets Linkin Park, except way more bad ass and u can't even really describe us.

We truly embody the spirit of rock n roll.

Unfortunately, the plan didn't really work. We were arrested and our converted ice cream truck was impounded. We only got about 5 minutes of footage, and it was kinda crappy. We really shoulda hired a production team, and thought more about 'sound' issues. Maybe we invested too much in our 'official video' and we shoulda spent more on the 'guerilla' product. Worried we can't try again or else we will see 1-5 years of jail time. Guess we missed our 1 shot, our 1 opportunity to truly create a 'viral meme.'

Feeling sad. Keep refreshing youtube to check our view count, expecting to see it in the millions. Still in the low thousands. Feeling like a failure. Like now we are 'effed' every time we get a background check and we didn't even go viral. Honestly feel like committing internet suicide.

At least we got some sweet 'chopper' footage via the local news station's 'eye in the sky' helicopter.

Feeling alive.
Knowing that 'at least we tried'
Some bands never get blggd abt
But I proved today that I will do anything it takes to get 'mad coverage'
Maybe we'll get a few more fans, maybe we won't
But we were able 2 prove that we care abt our music reaching new fans
We didn't just make an anonymous myspace and upload a lofi mp3
We brought the music 2 the ppl.

Are these bros hella unchill?
Does their buzzband suck, so it doesn't matter how viral they go bc no1 is going 2 listen 2 them?
Were u in traffic when they started playing and did it make u late 4 dinner/soccer practice/a real buzzband's show?
Which buzzband do u wish played in traffic?
Do u hope these bros were put in jail 4evr?
Is this a huge safety hazard, and should the judge 'come down on them' hard 2 set an example, letting buzzbands know that it isn't chill 2 put other ppl's lives' in danger just because u want 2 go viral?
Are bands required 2 become 'master internet marketing strategists' in the modern world?