I bought a hybrid car and a polar bear came 2 my house 2 thank me 4 saving the environment. | Hipster Runoff

I bought a hybrid car and a polar bear came 2 my house 2 thank me 4 saving the environment.

I'm just a polar bear
the distant cousin of the Panda Bear
Living in the Arctic/Antarctic
Every day big pieces of ice that I live on
begin 2 melt away

kinda sad
so many humans
ruining my vibes
by driving 'gas guzzlers'

but recently, humans started driving Hybrid Cars
which use a lil bit of gas
and a lil bit of electricity
has really helped out
shits not melting as much any more
it's rlly sweet

I decided to go on a lil 'road trip' to visit a human
who recently bought a NISSAN LEAF HYBRID AUTOMOBILE
just to say 'thnx'
Even though he didn't realize it
he really helped me
and I just want him 2 know that he is a chill bro
for riding the electric car wave

Swam in the ocean
crawled thru the forest
walked thru relevant major metropolitan areas
Walked down highways
Visited a few chill places, bought some souvenirs
Even lived in a sweet loft in Brooklyn
but ultimately felt more alone than evr

Anyways, eventually got to that bro's house
and hugged him
Dude thought I was gonna kill him
but I was like 'no bro--thnx 4 buying a hybrid. U saved my life.'

Then he was all like "Dont know who the eff u r.
I wanted to buy a Hummer
but ended up in this lil piece of shit car
Know the gas is cheap
but still
feel like a pussie when I drive it around."

Then I was like "I live on an ice cap
thanx for not melting it."

Then he said "Global Warming is Bull shit.
Go back 2 ur g-d hippie college
and leave me alone with ur liberal propaganda
[via the Daily Colbert Show]"

I went ahead and caught a JetBlue flight home
so I could watch TV during my flight.
Feeling kinda dumb
Like a long distance love affair that didn't work out.

I feel like a huge piece of shit
I wish my ice cap igloo house had just melted away
and a huge piece of ice cut me in half
killing me, taking me out of my misery

Humans are kinda lame
Not sure if they 'get' the environment
or if they really care abt animals like me/relevant ecosystems
Seems like they only care abt hybrid cars
for the sake of 'status'

Just kinda sux that everything
is abt branding + consumerism
instead of 'doing it 4 the right reasons'
2 save the polar bears

I'm still alone
No1 understands me
I'm completely fucked

Nothing can save our Earth/world/environment/society
It doesn't matter what I do with my life
who I am nice 2
what I believe in

We're fucked.
Goodnite world
Sad/Dead on the inside

//////////

Can we save the environment [via carbon emissions] or is it already effed?
If I buy a hybrid, will some sort of animal come 2 thank me?
Do hybrid cars even make a difference?
If a panda bear/ polar bear hugged u in ur driveway would u try to kill it?
Is global warming = bullshit?
Should I buy a Nissan Leaf or does it look like a clown car?
Are the ice caps rlly melting, or is that an old wives' tale?
Should all animals be preserved 4evr in man-made environments at regional zoos?
Should ppl 'walk' instead of buying hybrids?
Will polar bears come 2 kill us if we keep melting their igloos?
Do u h8 environmentalism?