A Complete Guide to Voting in the 2012 Presidential Election [Candidate Breakdown] | Hipster Runoff

A Complete Guide to Voting in the 2012 Presidential Election [Candidate Breakdown]

Why should I vote?
Voting is an important experience 2 connect with the lamestream masses. U walk into some booth and believe that u 'make a difference', when u actually don't make a difference. Ppl spend so much time talking abt politics as if it is 'their whole identity', then voting is just like taking a dump. You're never going to remember what it looks like in the toilet after you flush it away.

How do u vote?
You go to a place and they had iPads there and u tap them. Ur results aren't actually stored.

What is the Electoral College?
A small liberal arts school in Vermont where the votes are counted.

Is my vote more valuable if i live in a 'swing state'?

What is the Middle Class?

The Middle Class is the 'rebranding' of poverty. Basically, ppl who think that they are 'doing just fine, workin hard, and contributing positively to society', when they might as well just quit on life and get free government handouts.

Which candidate is 'more alt'?
Barry Obama 'went lamestream' when every1 was all like #HOPE, yall. Mitt Romney is some white dude who hates poors, so in a way, he is trying to 'gentrify' America by kicking the poors and coloreds out.

Which candidate is more likely to send a nuclear weapon to Iran or North Korea?
I remember when George W. Bush was in office, that Iranian dude was all like 'an unchill bro.' Every1 was hating on him for trying to vibe out to some enriched uranium, but now every1 h8s wars and no1 remembers that bro. Except there is some civil war shit goin down in Syria, but every1 is all like 'NOT MY PROBLEM' this time, but I guess there's not that much oil there, so we don't have 2 fight there 2 lower gas prices for midsized SUVs.

What candidate would u rather have a cold 1 with?
Barry Obama seems like the bro that 'milks a beer', 'pretends to have a convo with u', and ur supposed to be like 'Dude, he's actually a really cool, chill guy!' But most ppl could see thru him, see that he is just tired of upholding this charade, and just waiting to get out of office so he can go 'radical', divorce his family, and just sorta focus on building a hip hop empire.

Mitt Romney would probably get blackout drunk on a rare bourbon, order some prostitutes on the 'company card', and let you in on his disgusting lifestyle. That seems pretty chill to me. U would know u were bros 4evr while you were both digging a hole/yachting out to sea in order to dispose of a dead prostitute.

Which candidate supports the Nacho vs Burrito controversy?
Burritos became this 'thing' in the post-chipotle era, and every1 is all like 'wooo! I love Burritos! so much food inside of this wrappywrap!' but nachos never go their own restaurant chains, so people take them for granted. Both of them are probably into burritos, but nachos are sorta 3rd Party Values, because Dems and Reps are all like 'we're not gonna balance the budget with all those chips, cheese, and toppings', but if they realized that we could increase the burrito tax by 0.04%, it would generate enough to get our troops out of Afghanistan and focus on the war on terror within our own borders.

What is Obamacare?
Obamacare is healthcare for humans who don't deserve it unless they pay for it or have a 'real job.'

Will we get social security?

Why does Mitt Romney hate poors and coloreds?
Mitt Romney is one of those honkies who

Where do our taxes go?
To allow the poors to buy cheap food, filling up their carts, and bottlenecking the grocery store with their 3 liter jugs of soda on sale.

Who is Paul Ryan and why is he such a honky ass tool bag?
Paul Ryan is like that dude in high school who acted all 'smart' and 'big man on campus' when he was just this dumb ass in regulars classes, going to Bible Study and fingering his girlfriend in his Ford F-150. D-bags like this motherfucker should be middle management at a pyramid scheme contracting company and drinking Bud Lights while watching football. Anyways, he's the type of dude who resonates with honkies who wish they were him. One time he went to this soup kitchen for a 'photo op', and even though they were closed, he was all like, "lemme pretend I'm helping for like 5 min then I'll be out of ur way." I guess that's pretty alt, though. No1 cool actually does 'required community service hours.' U just look for ways to make it look like u did ur time. I guess he is just like u and me after all.

Do we really want Joe Biden as our next president?
I think they are getting Hillary Clinton back to reignite the 'women who wear pants' vote.

What happened 2 Sarah Palin? Wasn't she a meme?
She turned out to be 'too meme', and was blacklisted from the party.

Do u really want to be one of those ppl who talks abt politics?

No. They need 2 'get a life' or something. Maybe they can focus on city/state governmental issues so they can see a more immediate impact in their lives.

Did Obama 'lose his meme appeal'?
I don't know, some losers still 'get off' to internet memes like it is 2k6-2k8.

Have u ever looked thru a binder full of women?
I once considered getting a Russian Mail Order bride to keep my apartment clean for the duration of my 18 month lease, but then was worried that I would order a defective one.

Do food stamps even exist any more? Like, is it a stamp or like what?
They actually get a 'debit card' and go 2 the grocery store and can buy basically whatever they want. It is sorta like when u go 2 the grocery store, but instead, they aren't paying 4 it.

Should rich ppl be taxed more?
Some ppl say that they work harder and earn more, but middleclass/poors are all like "ugh! We're poor! It matters more 2 us!"

How can we create more jobs?
Open more fast food restaurants and then every1 gets free food.

Is it realistic for Obama to create more jobs in the renewable energy sector?
'The economy' is a huge lie. In China, they overdeveloped their country and have tons of high rise condos that were built by 'basically slaves' in order to manipulate the algorithm that calculates GDP. It's all just a sham, so u should just do whatever it takes to make it seem like we are 'moving forward', then leave the mess to the other party when the country 'wants a change'.

Should the President cut FEMA?
It's weird to think that we are just learning how to deal with natural disasters of epic proportions. Soon, no1 will live on the coast any more because shit will get fucked up every year. Until then, FEMA has 2 exist. It is only a matter of time before every part of the Gult Coast is destroyed.

Should I vote early?
I wish there was late voting bc I nvr do anything on time.

Why do the candidates pretend to 'respect eachother'?
I wish they openly hated eachother instead of acting like 'the bigger person' for the camera. Such a lame process. Need more fighting and firebreathing instead of ppl 'acting' so that body language and media pundit talking heads can be all like "______ won the debate!" even though neither of the candidates said anything of value.

Should the 2 party system be done away with?
Nah, ppl will get confused bc they are stupid. No1 really needs 2 look into the issues.

Should I move away from America if the other candidate wins?
Yeah, stop being a pussie and do it. See how ur life is without fast food, affordable family dining chains, and Costco.

So...Who should I vote 4?
Just write urself in and be like, "LOL! I am funnie! hehe. But srsly, I think the president is paid $400k/year and that would be pretty chill bc I could be like "I'm not doin shit this year, dawg. Lameduckin this shit.""

Who r u voting 4?
Which candidate is more alt?
Is voting 'worth it'?
What 'matters'?
Is the middle class 'screwed'?
Do Americans deserve money 4 nothing?
Should we get another economic stimulus package so we can buy new Macbooks and HD TVs?
Is this the biggest election of our lives?
Will America exist in another 4 years?
Do u <3 America?
R u a concerned citizen?
Do u h8 when ppl are 'too kewl 2 vote' or is it a waste of time?
How can u change the world the most?