Jared Leto wins a fake award, accidentally thinks it is real, gives pretentious acceptance speech
First of all, I'd like to introduce myself to those of you who don't know who I am. My name is Jared Leto, and I am the lead singer of the popular band 30 Seconds To Mars. If you haven't heard of our band, you have probably been living in a metaphorical Chilean mine. Our band is possibly the best band around right now, mixing the best elements of arena rock, pop, and indie alt music, bringing positive, inpirational messages to humans all around the world.
Before I formally accept this award, I would like you all to watch my music video, in order to truly understand our brand. It is a music video that I helped to direct for our hit song "Closer to the Edge." Please dim the lights, and enjoy. I have provided you with large headphones so that u can appreciate our full sound.
In this video, you can see how our band has a global brand with a universal message, resonating with ppl no matter their age, social class, race, or level of altness. I understand that as Jared Leto, it is my duty to bring a heightened level of social, metaphysical, and spiritual awareness to all humans.
I am an artist. I am more than an artist. I am Jared Letbro.
Thank you for this award. I am not sure if it is an Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, a Nickelodeon Kids Choice Award, or a Pitchfork 10.0 trophy, but I am appreciative. This is certainly not the first award we have won, and certainly not our last, but we appreciate your Awards Show's willingness to merge your brand with us. Even though we are easily the #1 band in the world right now, and a top-10 all time band, we are happy that you recognize our brilliance.
The truth is, I am the only really important member of this band, however, I let these two other dudes come along just because they wear the alt costumes that I tell them to wear. They are okay dudes (one of them is my brother so my mom made me let him into our band), but I do all of the creative heavy lifting for the band. They are willing to acknowledge that I am 'the special 1' in this band, and they are just along for the ride. I want to make it clear that this is not a team effort, and I am the only person accepting this award.
I'd like to thank our fans.
I would thank God, but I believe that I am the living Saviour of Humanity, and that 1 day every1 who isn't a fan of my band will be wiped off this Earth [via rapture].
It is truly an honor, not to me, but 2 ur award, for getting to be with me. I have a trophy room in my house, and this will be placed in it, right next to my 'Best Supporting Actor' Oscar from Fight Club. The trophy room is right next to my walk-in closet, which houses some of the most alternative fashions in the world.
I'm not going to lie--being Jared Leto is awesome, and I am happy to be me, and that is probably the greatest award that any1 can give u in life. However, ur award is nice, and once again, I would like to repeat that I am awesome, an artist, hot, bangable, and the greatest musician alive.
Thanks, and the awards show is now over, because this moment cannot be topped, and no other band is as important as my band. Good night every one. Hit me up @JaredLeto.