An Itemized Analysis of NME's Cool List. Is this the uncoolest list evr? | Hipster Runoff

An Itemized Analysis of NME's Cool List. Is this the uncoolest list evr?


NME is sorta like the lamestreamer who ruins anything that might have been considered remotely cool just because they like it. To them, 'jumping on a hype bandwagon' is pretty arbitrary, but at the same time, it can be predictable because the UK isn't really a 'tastemaker.' They are the type of country who thinks MUSE, The Killers, and Kings of Leon are 'the best bands on the planet.' Don't get me wrong, the USA is effed up too because we keep worshipping Radiohead. But I'd rather live in a 3rd World Country where I only listened to emo and dubstep than be into what is considered 'cool' in the UK. As far as I'm concerned, this is basically some sort of industry blacklist.

Anyways, NME released a 'Cool List', which is just an excuse to 'make a list of shit' that ppl 'get excited about', publicists can act like it 'means something', and unfortunately for the some of these artists, this is the biggest accomplishment of their career. It will be the first and last time I ever hear of them.

Do u <3 lists of shit?
Do u agree with this list?
Are these ppl 'kewl' / innovative / 'it' / 'now' / 'the future'?

BREAKDOWN OF NME'S 2011 COOL LIST
50 Liam Gallagher - Is that the bro in Oasis who writes the songs or the one who sings the songs? Didn't they breakup or something? Are they the MGMT of the 90s bc they never wrote any songs as good as "Wonderwall" after their debut?
49 Ronnie Vannucci (The Killers/Big Talk) My name is Brandon Flowers, and I'm a Mormon.

48 St. Vincent U gotta feel bad for Annie Clark 4 not even being 'cool enough' to place in the top 10.
47 Merrill Garbus (tUnE-yArDs) I wonder if 'crazy woman screaming'-core is big in the UK
46 Reni (The Stone Roses) Are they referring to the failed 90s alt rock band Remy Zero?
45 Johnny Llloyd (Tribes) Sounds like a guy who is a bouncer at a bar.
44 Jordan Gatesmith (Howler) Sounds like a bro who just wants to howl [via being a wolf]
43 Toddla T Is this the rap career of that kid who stole a car and cruised it around town bc he wanted 2 do hoodrat things?

42 Nick Wire (Manic Street Preachers) Sounds like a bro who is a human made out of a wire.
41 Bethany Costentino (Best Coast) This would be excusable in 2k10, but 2k11 was a Bethany-free year
40 Orlando Higginbottom (Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs) Sounds like a children's book.
39 Fred Macpherson (Spector) Sounds like a bro
38 King Krule This lil ginger bro keeps trying to get forced down our buzz throats, but no1 is really buying it.
37 Björk She's probably as low as #37 on Iceland's Cool List.
36 Frank Turner Sounds like a guy who u went to HS with who wants to be a cop.
35 Tyler, The Creator (Odd Future) If u a magazine editor, Tyler the Creator should be in the top 10 of anything because of the pageviews he generates in 2k11. However, English ppl generally h8 black ppl.
34 Ian Brown (The Stone Roses) Sounds like some bro in a crappy VH1 rock band.
33 Hayden Thorpe (Wild Beasts) Sounds like some random bro in a band
32 Miles Kane No clue who this is.
31 ASAP Rocky Isn't this some other thug-ass indie rapper who is getting buzz? I wonder if he is 'the Lupe Fiasco of indie rap'. I don't know what that means.
30 Kanye West I guess he will always be 'kewl', even when he is an old man who can't wipe his own ass.
29 Kurt Vile Always hear this bro's name but never did anything relevant enough 2 invade my sphere of relevancy.
28 Tom Cohen (Scum) Is his dad Leonard Cohen?
27 Drake British ppl h8 mainstream American rap. They would probably put that dumb white rapper who is called THE STREETS higher than Drake.
26 PJ Harvey Wasn't this dude 'kewl' in the 1990s or something?
25 Christopher Owens (Girls) What a hottie!
24 Jack Steadman (Bombay Bicycle Club) No clue who this is.
23 Elias Bender Rønnenfelt (Iceage) I wish I had a 'kewl' character in my name. øøøø Should I change my name 2 C▲RLES?
22 Freddie Cowan (The Vaccines) Sounds like a bro.
21 Joe Mount (Metronomy) I wonder if this band is 'bigger' in the UK because it seems like no1 really cared abt their 2k11 release in the USA.
20 Florence Welch Is this the machine ass broad? Sounds kinda like "Lawrence Welk."
19 Orlando Weeks (The Maccabees) I wonder if a band can consider themselves 'successful' if they haven't 'made it in America.'
18 Charlie Fink (Noah & The Whale) I listened to one of their albums and it was all sad.
17 Janelle Monáe Wasn't she buzzworthy last year, and every1 was all like 'she's gonna save pop' but now
16 Gaspard Auge (Justice) Wonder if he regrets releasing a crappy prog rock album.
15 Alex Turner (Arctic Monkeys) Nvr listened to this band.
14 Katy B Kinda surprised Jamie xx isn't on this list. James Blake, too. I guess he might be 'too dubstep'/too dark 4 NME.
13 Laura Marling Sounds like a company that makes school supplies 4 girls.
12 Dave Grohl Dave Grohl was kewl when he had a big hand, but now he's not really that alt.
11 Noel Gallagher Which brother is this, the oe who is all like 'wah wah' or the one who is all like 'bleehhhh?' ur maah wonderwaaall

10 Ellery Roberts (WU LYF) is WU LYF a tshirt brand or something?
9 Matt Helders (Arctic Monkeys) Weren't they on MTV back in the day?
8 Theo Hutchcraft (Hurts) Kewl name. Wonder if he is related to the video game Starcraft.
7 Rhys Webb (The Horrors) I feel really confused by the disconnect between 'cool' in the USA and 'cool' in the UK bc I honestly believe the USA is way more authentic, aware, and bleeding-edge.
6 Lana Del Rey Lana Del Rey is exactly the kind of thing that the UK would eat up. Her PR/mgmt team probably should have attempted to bring her to market there instead of having to be cyberbullied by American blogs.
5 & 4 Tom Meighan & Serge Pizzorno (Kasabian) [tie] Oh kewl. A tie. Totally fair.
3 Honor Titus (Cerebral Ballzy) No idea who this is.
2 Jarvis Cocker Isn't this bro from a band that doesn't exist any more?
1 Azealia Banks It sounds like this broad is like 'the indie Nicki Minaj.' Album being produced by successful/relevant alt producer Paul Epsworth. I guess this is just 'blackened house music' that will make ppl in the UK feel like they are all 'edgy' in a 'street' way or something.

I guess she is just 'the female Tyler the Creator' because she is just some black girl from Harlem who made the world care abt her with sexually explicit lyrics and viral memes. Indie labels are 'launching her' but then she'll have to decide if she wants to get butt/tit implants like Nikki Minaj or Lil Kim in order 2 go mainstream. She will probably just sing/rap over dumbed down house music and every1 will be like SHE IS THE FUTURE/SHE IS SO RAW AND TALENTED until she is no longer 'new' and her songs and buzz become dated. Maybe she is more like 'the Black Lana Del Rey' because she only has like 1 song/music video and every1 is all like 'SHE IS A GODDESS.'

Do u read NME?
If ur from the UK, what kind of person reads NME?
Is Azealia Banks 'sooo kewl' or is she 'just another Santigold/MIA' that will eventually end up being irrelevant unless she marries a billionaire?
Do u know who any of these ppl are?
Do ppl from the UK <3 or h8 'blacks'?
Is this the COOLEST LIST in the history of lists?
Are all these ppl kewl?
Is the USA way cooler than the UK?
Does NME h8 American buzzbands?
Should American publications 'blacklist' more bands from the UK?
Why isn't there 1 buzzosphere that transcends all oceans and borders because of the internet?

Lana Del Rey

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Lana Del Rey is a hot female indie singer. She is 'mad controversial.'

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