I saw this bro attending a relevant music festival, wearing an NBA basketball player’s jersey. Most mainstream bros who wear jerseys are attempting to say ‘I am a bro. I like this sport. This player is good.’ However, when an alternative person wears a sports jersey, I think that they are just using it to ’stand out’ by saying ‘Hey yall… not wearing Am Appy… wearing this jersey I know nothing about.’

I think that it is irresponsible to wear the jersey of an athlete who you know nothing about. Much like any celebrity, there is a point where an athlete no longer ’stands for himself’ and solely represents an image/brand based on the trajectory of their career. It is easy to wear a Michael Jordan jersey because he represents ‘greatness’, or a Shaq jersey, because he represents ‘twitter’, but I am unsure about wearing a Grant Hill jersey, like the bro in the above picture.

In order to understand the bro in the picture, you must understand the career path of Grant Hill, #33 on from the Detroit Pistons.

Grant Hill was an ‘All American’ athlete who played at Duke. I think that black people who go to Duke are not regarded as ‘black people’, but more of ‘black people that white people can identify with.’ I think at this point in his career, he was talented both athletically and mentally.

Grant Hill was drafted by the Pistons, and was a solid professional and a very marketable player.

So marketable that the Pistons even ‘changed their uniform design’ to reBrand around the Grant Hill era.

Sprite also built ‘huge marketing campaigns’ around him

He started to experience ’serious ankle problems’, but still signed to a ‘huge contract’ with the Orlando Magic, since Shaquille O’Neal ‘fucked them over since he wanted to be a rapper in LA.’ Grant Hill was expected to be ‘amazing’ with fellow NBA player Tracy McGrady; however, both of them just turned out to be injured bros making $100 million.

So Grant Hill never really ‘lived up to his potential’ because of injuries. He got paid a ton of money, and ‘never really panned out.’ Eventually he got older+healthier, and signed to the Phoenix Suns. This was a part of his career where he felt like he ‘missed out on what made life meaningful’, and instead of ‘trying to be a superstar, he is just trying to be a ‘mediocre role player.’

Grant Hill represents failed expectations, much like the bro in the top picture. Perhaps his parents wanted him to ‘be something more’, but a series of external factors that he could not control led him to have to ’settle/accept the fact that he is just an average bro.’ Once he admitted that he was an average bro, he was able to ‘find happiness’ and not

Feel like we could all learn a lot from Grant Hill. Maybe life is just about ’settling for less’, ‘not living up 2 ur potential’, and ‘accepting who u r.’ Sorta wish more athletes represented something like that so that innercity kids could learn more abt ‘real life.’

Might just buy this Jersey, since it represents being ‘an authentic hip hop mogul.’ Think this is what many NBA players are attempting 2 b.

Always do ur research, and learn about what a brand means. It would be like wearing a t-shirt that says ‘I <3 cock’ even if ur not ghey. Yall know what I mean?

One day, u will observe their relationship in an authentic local coffee shop. U will listen to one of their conversations. They will sound like tweens, making requests for ‘a new Apple book Pro’, anxiousness about their major in French/ Marketing / Fashion / General Design, and talk about ‘being excited’ about ‘going to a concert’ that they think will make them more authentic. Feel weird when you run into this couple doing cliched things like ‘thrifting’, ‘going to a record store and buying records’, ‘reading books/cliched novels in public’, and ‘going Vespa shopping.’ These couples are the kind of couples who actually ‘make future plans together’, and ‘relocate to THE CITY’ together without ‘using it as an excuse to break up.’

Sort of jealous of high level alt bag couples. Feel like both members of the party are usually ‘very handsome’ in some sort of ‘i look beautiful’ way. Not sure if they ‘have good sex.’

It makes me sad because all I can ever day are ‘entry level alts’ who date me to ‘feel cooler’ and ‘get a new snarky perspective on life.’ Or just ‘crazy rich mediocre suburban girl’ alts, who are only ‘alt’ because they couldn’t ‘fit in’ with the mainstream crowd during high school/’pay for friends’ and join a sorority. Feel sad when all of these girls sort of ‘fail’ in their quest for ‘meaning’ in life. Feel sad that altbros can’t give women the love and attention that they truly need.

All I ever wanted was a high level altbaguette.
Feel like we’re doomed. Not sure if 2 people are supposed 2 be together.’

“I believe in a thing called love, yall.” – the Darkness

Are there any high level alt couples in ur local scene who ‘don’t have any friends’ but are ‘always around’ that u are able to stalk?

You have ditched your altbro cap.
You have grown out your altbag nappy beard.
You only wear the Am Appy shirts that represent ‘a new era’ in ur life, as opposed 2 ur neon past.
You finally turned 20, and can drink a premium beer. (The death of SPARKS means a 20% decline in altbro.)
You started 2 give yourself ‘do-it-urself’ haircuts instead of going to Supercuts.
Your zany glasses are somewhere between altbro empty framed glasses and altbag certified child predator glasses.
You are comfortable being a lone soul at a meaningful concert. You have no desire to be photographed with your arm around a group of bros.

2k9 is the beginning of the end of the altbro. It’s not just because ‘a trend is dying’–it also has to do with ‘growing up’ and wanting to take ur existence/personal brand to a whole new level.

Miss u altbros.
Do u think altbros are ending because they found out about HIPSTER RUNOFF and ‘don’t want 2 be like every other altbro’? Hope my traffic doesn’t suffer in 2k9, yall!

One day I will be dead, but this video will live on. The image of me will represent an important time 2 be alive. The 51 things in my apartment are only 0.01% of what is really in my apartment. These 51 items are culture are me are important.

My hair takes on multiple textures.
The background music in this video is what I hear when I walk out of my door to start my quirkily meaningful day. There is a down tempo version which plays at night.

I have props, and appliances, and alt junk // and technologies
Because there is an old saying

“One man’s trash is another alt’s Holy Grail.”

This is a story from ancient blog times about this video. It is nonfiction.
Inquired the common alt, “Altbro is he?”
“Nay–for he is the bag,” muttered the man too sure of himself.
A wise man in the back of the room said in a quiet, reflective tone, “Neither. For he is the one they call BGGTcooldadpostaltbrobagmnstrmr.”

This has been a conceptual blog post by Carles from the popular weblog HIPSTER RUNOFF. Carles is the online web editor and CEO for the popular weblog HIPSTER RUNOFFs.

Previous apartments full of meaningful props
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/11/my-authentic-life-is-full-of-authentic-props-in-my-authentic-apartment.html

The first 100 responses will receive an all-expenses paid trip to Chili’s in Suburbia, USA.

[Photo by takeovertokyo]

Please justify your response.
For example: “Altbros are too prepubescent to grow developed moustaches. He is an altbg.”
or “He is an altbro because only an altbro would try to grow a handlebar moustache to differentiate from other altbros.”
or “he is a cool dad who is going through a divorce and lost custody of his child. He is searching for his personal brand somewhere between ‘cool’ and ‘dad.’”

Should I grow a moustache?
or should I shave my head?
Or should I stop shaving and grow an ‘i don’t care abt society’s norms’ beard?

Please justify your answer in your response in order to receive 20 HRO points.

For example: “He is an altbag bc his moustache is authentic and altBros can’t grow facial hair.”
or “he is an altBro who is trying 2 b progressive by wearing a denim jacket.”
or “CRLS…r u blind? he is obvi a cool dad.”

[Photo by DamStyle]

What do u think?

“Make sure u make ur vote count. Ur unique voice/opinion is important.”
-The Election Thingy

Doesn’t that Alt resemble Jason Lee, yall? Luv getting buzzed and watching NBC comediez.

[Photo by GadeMode]

Please justify your answer in order to receive your HRO points.
For example, ‘they are altbros bc they tilt their hats at a >=45degree angle.’
or ‘they are altBros bc they were 2 scared 2 get fashion blggd alone.’
or ‘they are authentic AltBags because they took their altBro relationship to the next level by purchasing matching dog tags.’
or ‘they are altBros bc they wear sneakers and t-shirts with sneakers on them.’

The best part about living in the ‘digital age’ a.k.a. post-2k9 is that the traditional party is a 360 degree experience. You get to experience the party in three phases:

1. ‘build up’/anticipation to the big night [via myspace bulletins and krazie fliers]
2. the actual event (which is usually kinda sad/’a let down’ cuz the build up was s0 fun)
3. the post-partie, where u ‘find urself’ on party pix sites/other forms of digital media.

 
N e ways… I have been scouting out parties to attend across the USA.
Let me know which 1 u think I should attend. I’m just looking 4 a place where my personal brand ‘feels’ ‘at home.’

LUSH MONDAYS – seems like a place for ‘true bros’ to let loose and have a good time while PARTYING HARD, but still kinda chilling and having meaningful conversations at the same time. Hopefully there is an option of having an ALTBAG narrator in my ear while I am actually ‘at’ the party.

Maybe I should go 2 BLOWUP SF/FRISCO DISCO
It seems like a place that would realize my dreams of ‘moving to a city with a thriving altLectro scene’ where people we’re afraid 2 ‘get absurd’ and ‘have a g00d time.’ If I moved there, I would be worried that I wouldn’t make it in2 the ‘high level inner circle’ who are featured as characters in this vid. Would h8 to be ‘just another background face dressed in American Appy’ in these vidz.

Or should I just stick with Atlanta’s SLOPPIE SECONDS?
Yall probably remember this vid as ALTBAG HQ.

N e ways…just wanted to give yall an idea of how PARTIES are able to establish brands with videos. When ur planning a party, u need 2 truly give people an experience that they will NEVER forget bc it will exist on the internet 4evr. When I am looking at youtube in 2k50, these videos will still be embedded. Can’t wait, yall. Let’s grow old 2gthr. WILL HRO.com last 4ever?

Do u know of any local parties with ePresences that I should know about? (Will this post get 100 cmmnts from AltBags ‘looking to put their scene on the map’ and prove that ‘their local scene’ can ‘hang’ with the world’s ‘most elite scenes’?)

Plz justify your answer to receive full credit.
For example: “He is a RyanAdamsAltBag bc he is trying to look like he is from the authenticSouth, even tho he lives in Seattle.”
OR “He is a regular bag bc RyanAdamsBags don’t let their hair get that long.”

[Photo by TheFader]