HIPSTER RUNOFF

u·biq·ui·tous /yo͞oˈbikwətəs/
Adjective: Present, appearing, or found everywhere: "his ubiquitous influence".

Painting by Jake "Dirty Projectbro" Longstreth

U did it Subway
U finally gave ppl a healthy fast food option
and u have been rewarded
as the #1 fast food restaurant chain in the universe of all time [link]

It's official: the Subway sandwich chain has surpassed McDonald's Corp. as the world's largest restaurant chain, in terms of units.

At the end of last year, Subway had 33,749 restaurants worldwide, compared to McDonald's 32,737. The burger giant disclosed its year-end store count in a Securities and Exchange Commission filing late last month.

The race for global dominance is an important one for an industry that's mostly saturated in the U.S. High unemployment and economic uncertainty have battered the restaurant industry in the U.S., and chains are increasingly looking overseas for growth, particularly in Asia.

We used to think that McDonalds
Was the greatest fast food chain of all time
and it could never be uncrowned
There would never be any logo/symbol/brand more ubiquitous than Golden Arches

but now
Subway exists
more than any other eatery on the planet
33,749 locations 2 get a sweet ass sub

First of all,
We gotta thank Jared for eating a shit load of Subway
and losing all of that weight
U inspired millions of Middle Americans 2 believe
that they would lose mad weight if they ate Subway

U've been really important
Even though u might not have ever been paid.
Via selling ur soul to the devil in order 2 lose weight

So many Subways in my local area
that whenever I am craving a sandwich
it just seems more cost + time effective 2 go 2 my local Subway
which is located 'just around the corner'
potentially inside of a gas station
inside of a Walmart

"We're continually looking at just about any opportunity for someone to buy a sandwich, wherever that might be. The closer we can get to the customer, the better," Mr. Fertman says, explaining that it now has almost 8,000 Subways in unusual locations. "The non-traditional is becoming traditional."

Even though so many Subways are competing against one another
via plausible 'over-expansion'
That's the problem of the franchise owner
They should probably offer cheaper footlongs

BRB gotta go 2 Walmart and pick up some groceries

We also have 2 thank the Chinese Markets
For having 'so many ppl'
They deserve to eat sandwiches too
even if we had to feed them noodle sandwiches and dog meat sandwiches
[via Western stereotypes of the Eastern World when they are actually willing 2 eat the same crap that we do bc it tastes yummy]

McDonald's is still the leader when it comes to sales. The burger chain reported $24 billion in revenue last year. "We remain focused on listening to and serving our customers, and are committed to being better, not just bigger," a McDonald's spokeswoman says.

Subway, which surpassed the number of McDonald's in the U.S. about nine years ago, expects China to eventually become one of its largest markets. The sandwich shop only has 199 restaurants in China now, but expects to have more than 500 by 2015.

Subway couldn't do this without the little people
The Sandwich artists who come into work every day
and resentfully make your sandwich 4 u
and h8 u for asking for 'a little bit more spinach/lettuce'

Cmon bro... It's ur job
I just want a sandwich
I'm sorry if you feel enslaved for working in fast food even though you don't operate a fryer
But I know that operating a microwave toaster oven can seem dehumanizing

U have to realize that you are 'part of a health movement'
to see chicken teriyaki subs
Philly Cheesesteak subs
Meatball subs
Coldcut combos

Jimmy John's, Quizno's, Which Wich, Blimpie, Panera Bread
They will never catch us
We can start a pop-up shop where ever we want.
Go ahead and order a sandwich while ur getting some gas

Plz chill out, Sandwich artist bro

What kind of bread do yall get? Which 1 is 'the healthiest'?

Plz don't put too many _____ on my sandwich. Yall srsly always put too much _______ and it taste rlly soggy and gross.

What kind of sandwich do yall get?

Does ur sandwich look yummy?

What type of chips should I get? I know I should get Baked Lays or Sun Chips bc I wanna be healthy... but at the same time Cheetos sound rlly good right now...

Eff it, I'm just gonna get a cookie

and a pizza

and some breakfast

Taking a step back
And thinking abt what we have in common with other humans
What common ground we have with ppl from all over the world
Ppl who are poor, rich, middle class, uneducated, black, white, Chinese, etc.

The only thing we share
is the low price consumer experience
Obtaining a foot long sandwich for $5
to save time and money

Interacting with a sandwich artist to customize our own version of sandwichian utopia
A process where we are given more consumer freedom than ever
to customize our own version of reality, our own version of fast food
Subway has liberated us

We must analyze these experiences at McDonalds, Subway, and other relevant fastfood establishments
and come together to create a better world
Where we all understand that we are searching for the same thing
1. survival
2. a low cost, healthy meal
3. a meaningful experience in a relevant space
4. the opportunity to integrate meaningful brands in2 our lives'

Fast Food is the ultimate art
Fast Food will save our world
Sandwich Artistry = The Master Art?

U did it, Subway
U won 'food'

//////////

What kind of sandwich do yall get at Subway?
Do u <3 or h8 Subway?
Is Subway healthy?
Is Subway a scam?
Are footlongs rlly $5?
Do u think McDonalds is pissed that Subway has more restaurants than them or are they chill making more money?
Are the ppl who work at Subway 'complete ass holes' or just modern slaves?
Will Subway take over the world?
Inside of Subway, does a perfect society exist that we can use as a template to save the world?
Should Barry Obama work with Subway and McDonalds to try to solve problems in other parts of the foreign world?
Is the modern fast food experience the only 'shared human experience' that we can use 2 relate 2 other humans?

Name that alternative celebrity lookalike is a fun game that HIPSTER RUNOFF used 2 play/chill. In an effort 2 'get back 2 his roots' after the now defunct HIPSTER RUNOFF Classic View, Carles couldn't help but notice this person's uncanny resemblance 2 a famous alt person....

Photo by Last Nights Party

I couldn't help but notice... This broad looks a lot like a really famous alternative celebrity who is one of the most important alternative celebrities/indie artists of our current day.

Here are some hints....

-He's the #1 lofi artist of all time.
-He currently resides in Southern California...
-He is known 4 his zany fashion sense
-she's a slutwaver
-He is a 'darling' of the critical community
-baby, she was born this way...
-He is known to be great friends with Dave Portner and Noah Lennox
-Some say his on stage antics can get... a little... bit... crazy...
-She plays an instrument in Best Coast
-He loves wearing women's blouses and clothes

Do yall know who she looks like?...I just can't put my finger on it.... Hmmm... Right on the top of my tongue... What's his/her name again?
The winner of this challenge will receive and HRO PRIZE PACK.

Just wanted to go to Target, pick up some groceries, snacks, maybe some lunch meat so I can save money during the week by 'bringing a sack lunch'. Feel like I have tons of solid options at target for healthy, affordable choices. Moderately-fresh produce [via bag of lettuce/spinach]. Three 12-packs of soda on-sale. Milk, juice, ice cream. New toothbrush. Deodorant. Maybe buy a DVD, relevant Top 40 rock album, and a Nintendo Wii game. Could even maybe pick up some clothes that were 'fashionable, yet affordable.'

Kinda pissed when these 'effing liberals' ruin the vibes at my local Target.

It seems like these 'goddamned hippie liberals' organized some sort of 'flash mob', which is a zany event in a normalized context that no1 is expecting, challenging people's notion of normalcy/reality, encouraging them to 'think outside the box', and analyze society's forces. Unfortunately, social networking + the opportunity to 'go viral' if well-documented has led to a 8000% increase in flash mobs over the last 5-100 years.

Just bummed that these 'liberals' ruined my Target-wave vibes. They seem like they are 'bitter' or something. Wish they'd just book a 1 way ticket to Granola-ville, Oregon and leave us alone.

I thought I was doing my best, doing a good thing by not shopping at Wal Mart, but I guess not. Not even sure where I should shop. Feel like I want a better experience than Wal Mart, but not sure if it is in my budget to shop at Whole Foods / Trader Joe's / high end organic wave grocery store. Feels like every store has been branded as 'evil' since they sell unhealthy, unnatural food at low prices, and can't really broker deals with independent farmers who don't create pricing efficiencies.

Wish the Target Manager had the go ahead to 'shoot-to-kill' if flashmobs happen in his store. Feel like if I were a Target manager, I would train my employees to go after the cameras, because without a video camera, an internet meme can't exist.

Not sure what these people are trying to do. Feel like maybe they should get more trivial hobbies, such as 'crocheting', playing XBOX360, masturbating, raising spoiled kids, or even watching NFL/NBA. Maybe they could even listen to the occasional buzzband. Wish they would just use social networking for lifestreaming trivial events in their lives', instead of networking to 'protest' in the name of 'social causes.'

Who do yall think u r? How did u turn into a group of protesting humans? Where did u read all of this propaganda?

Why r u forcing ur agenda on me?
Can't u see that I'm trapped in my life, just trying to do the best I can
riding the middle-class wave
Not rlly even by choice
So why r u harshing my vibes
Trying to make me 'socially aware'

Felt kinda bad for real people who were 'actually shopping', buying diapers, baby food, and other items that humans need to 'stay alive.'

Not sure if operating the popcorn machine at Target is even really ur 'dream career.' Feel like it is kinda harsh to 'target' the employees of a massive retail chain when ur 'going after the CEOs, etc.' Feel like maybe u should start mailing bombs to people if u really cared [via the Unabomber].

Seems kinda 'dick' for these 'liberals' to write a song, choreograph a dance, and then upload this meme to the internet.

What snack do u get when u go to the Target food bar?

Not sure if people even 'care' about their cause
or if they just want to 'go viral'
and be internet famous for 5-10 minutes
Do u think these 'liberals' should quit their whining, viral scheming, and 'great real jobs'?

I think these people were 'pissed' that Target didn't give enough money to Obama or something. Feel like they should chill. Obama got in2 office. Feel like maybe they should just believe in a value-based Lord, and trust that He shall guide reality towards the best possible societal outcomes. Wish they would just 'give up' on believing that ppl can make a difference, and just sorta just enjoy life, learning how to express themselves' via consumer decisions.

Target has some pretty chill prices, but I don't feel 'poor' shopping there. Seems to have a good brand, a logo in Helvetica [via Am Appy]. Gonna go ahead and stay brand loyal to them, since I don't want to be a 'poor' who shops at the WalMart.

Should I 'boycott' Target, or will I have to start a farm + harvest my own crops + slaughter my own meat if I continue 2 'boycott' my shopping options?

The retail company Target just gave over $150,000 to buy ads supporting a far-right Republican candidate for governor in Minnesota.

That's bad enough. But the stakes are much higher than one candidate and one company. If we don't push back hard, this will just be the tip of the iceberg. Other corporations will learn that they can pour money into elections to buy the outcome they want. So we're sending a message to Target's CEO that we won't shop there if Target continues spending money on elections.

A compiled petition with your individual comment will be presented to Target CEO Greg Steinhafel.

Should humans + companies be allowed to h8 whoever they want, and give money towards building a stronger network of hate if they have worked hard 4 their money [via the American Way]?

Wish I could just buy some Archer Farms products in peace.

Do yall like Target's Archer Farms generic brand?
Or do u prefer the GREAT VALUE brand of WalMart?

Where do u shop?
R u pissed when companies give money to political parties?
Do u 'h8 liberals'?
Do these people really need to 'lobby for gay rights' or is the whole 'gay rights thing' kinda working itself out?
What political party do u associate urself with?
Do u 'h8 republicans'?
Why do people h8 successful business so much?
Is Target trying to assassinate Obama? [via liberal conspiracy theories]

Should I throw down a flashmob at an Am Appy?
Are 'outspoken liberals' the most annoying type of ppl?
Do these people even 'have a point', or should they just 'shut up' and let middle class people chill in their lives?
Is consumerism + influencing political elections with money that u earned even rlly a bad thing?
Do u think these 'liberals' wanted some1 'more alt' than Obama to win?

Apple recently came out with a new iPhone that has a webcam / HD video camera on it, so u can vlog and video chat with other people instead of using the phone in a generic manner. The new ads 'highlighting' this feature seem like they are really trying to demonstrate how technology can enhance opportunities for authentic human connections. Sorta feel like they portrayed tons of mainstream, Middle American ideas of 'family', 'love', and 'relationships', trying to make the Apple brand 'essential' in Middle America.

Honestly feel kinda bummed because I thought I was progressive 4 using Apple products.
Guess now that there is an Apple Store at every suburban mall, I should stop kidding myself
Apples are for streamers
Dells are fore streamers
GPS devices are for suburban streamers
All technology has 'gone mainstream' [via relatively affordable price points/in-store credit opportunities]

Every1 loves 2 love technology
An opportunity to stay connected
Every new product--website, software, or hardware device
gives us an opportunity to take 'humanity' to the next level
Making us more relevant than any generation before us
the ability to do more great things

So pumped to use the lil camera on my iPhone 4
Gonna livevlog so hard
No longer waiting til I get home to upload my vlogs to my youtube/vimeo account
my tribe of followers are gonna be soo connected to my web brand

Gonna tell my boyfriend that he finally planted a load of semen in my vagina

Livevlogging via Apple will change everything
Feel like it will be just as fulfilling as hanging out with some1 in person
Won't even really have 2 leave the house
or buy a cell phone plan--probs just a data plan
with the skype/iChat app

Can't wait to break up with my GF using iPhone video chat technology
Or to tell her that she 'looks like shit' and needs to put on something
more flattering/forgiving for our date

Might also tell her that I have an STD
Or 'threaten 2 kill her' [via Mel Gibson / OJ Simpson]

I always feel creeped out
and uncomfortable when old people use technology

I feel like they deserve to live their lives' without it
New commercials make me kinda sad that we are forcing iProducts down their throats
because I don't really think I want to experience any of these lamestream events in my life
Don't wanna have a family
Don't wanna have a kid
Don't want to 'take care' of my parents after they get old
Gonna stick them in a homeless community without wifi, and limited TV access
Might just ship them 2 North Korea

But maybe when I am a dad,
I will buy my daughter a cell phone so that we don't fall out of touch
I can use technology to relate to her on her own level
send her positive texts
maybe even 'get hornie' and sext with her if my marriage falls apart and I become an alcoholic

She is soo spoiled
Paid for braces
Data plan
Private School
Horse Riding Lessons
and she can't even vlog with me?

'spoiled ass bitch' -Gen Y dad after raising a terrible kid

Even if I'm in the military
and my wife gives birth
U can jam an iPhone up her pussy
and 'live vlog' that shit
Kinda sad I won't be able to start off being a 'deadbeat dad' on the right foot.

Even if u can't 'talk' on ur phone, u can utilize sign language
to vlog hard

I miss the days when Apple would just put a cutesy indie song in their commercials
harvesting buzzbands to the mainstream
like the Feists
or other 'shitty alt rock songs'
like that one by the band JET

I remember when I was the only alt in my elementary / middle school / high school / college dorm to have a Mac
Before it was even 'maltstream trendy'
Really just fit in with my lifestyle
Not even trying '2 be kewl'

But now every1 has an apple product
iPhones
iPods
iShuffles
iMacs
iPads
iTweens

So many opportunities
to help Middle Americans and mainstreamers
utilize technology in tacky ways
How much is 2 much?

I remember when technology used to just be for people who lived in relevant cities
but I guess suburban families are kinda rich
and have tons of money 2 blow
at Apple Store outlets

How do u feel about Apple's new Middle American brand?
Is Apple 'swirling down the shitter' or are they like a buzzband that is morphing into U2?
Are Apple's products 'perfect' or is AT&T 'fucking bullshit'?
Should I start using Android for pure Google integration?
Do u h8 living in the vlog era?
What meaningful moments of ur life do you think you will livevlog with your friends and families?
Do these commercials make u want to throw up?
Do u wish you could be a semi-professional actor who got the chance to star as a 'generic American' in an iPhone commercial?
Are humans 'too connected' via technology?

LeBron James celebrates his new life with Kanye West, creating a controversial meme / think piece for the internet 2 analyze.

2 ass holes
trying 2 hard
2 be 'global brands'
2 be 'universally loved'

Working out their insecurities in public forums
In surreal contexts
One bro 'makes kewl sounds and raps over them
The other bro puts bouncey balls into hoops

As a society
we have told them that they are valuable because of their gifts
and they are both trying to 'make us happy'
Since they believe the fruits of their labors will help them to
inspire us to buy shit with their names on it.

Both mix art, sport, and commerce
trying to build a brand to 'sell shit'
Jerseys, albums, shoes, art
Trying to transcend demographics
Black, white, Chinese, Indian
Poor, Rich, Russian Billionaires, kids who can't afford shoes
tons of middle class white kids

Feel like we've been 'betrayed'
These bros are just so unchill
They are all about 'me'
But they are sort of like 'Me 1.0'
Me 2.0 exists on the internet
in the twitter/facebook status update era

Me 1.0 bros are just baffling
because they lack 'the self-awareness'
/are 'too insecure' to just chill out
Not make everything s000 contrived

Me 2.0 bros react fast on the twitter
It's not even that difficult to be Me 2.0
Me 2.0 bros 'get it' in a mainstream way
and are quick to share their snarky observations with the world

Me 2.0 bros really 'get off' to exposing Me 1.0 bros.

R u Me 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, 4.0, 5.0 or ____.0?

Feel like Kanye West and LeBron James don't really want people to h8 them
The bros are motivated to 'be loved'
to 'get their dicks sucked'
both physically and metaphorically

Think they might just need 'friends'
a solid network of bros who aren't lost in their inane talents
A network of bros who won't bang their moms [via Delonte West]
Some1 to help them understand who they are
sort of like a life coach

Might just vibe out,
listen to some vintage ironic non-ironic positive vibe rap
Brought to us by the ultimate African American personal brand
Will Smith

Will Smith was truly the first African American
that young white people 'let into their homes'
(Most were too young to really bro down with Bill Cosby, except 2 eat Pudding Pops)
(And Steve Urkel wasn't really kewl enough/was just a gimmick)

So we have learned to love Will Smith
He has become an even more likable black version of Tom Cruise
So positive that it is difficult 2 believe
He even created a mini version of himself [via the Black Karate Kid]

N e ways
just wanted to say
LeBron and Kanye are ass holes
Don't really wanna get too insightful
or even 'give them advice'
because I think I enjoy watching them 'do dumb shit'
and create bloggable internet memes

But I feel like they have emerged as a 'new version of a black stereotype'
Maybe a Super-Sized Racial Stereotype that is only achievable in the modern world / internet era.
More than just an 'Uncle Tom' who wants to bro down with white people
or the 'sambo' who loves to perform for white people
or even the 'gorilla' who is commonly associated as some sort of 'beast' / 'bad guy' / 'violent, uncontrollable black man'

A new stereotype seems to have emerged,
and LeBron + Kanye are the 'poster boys'
of this African American Human Meme Stereotype

Feel 'racist' for suggesting this
But here is the criteria
a) Considered 'great' at their profession in a superficial kind of way
b) High level of fame across races
c) Trying super hard to 'expand their personal brands'/make every1 love them
d) Clearly never going to be as 'great' as others in their profession
e) Does shit that 'makes them h8ed' on the reg
f) They have evolved past the 'thug' stereotype and are more interested in appealing to white people with $$$ to buy stuff
g) Get tons of blog coverage
h) Ultimately symbolize some sort of 'tragic figure' still searching for an identity in an absurd, post-racial world.

Feel confused and scared for them
Like 'they can't win'
But they are trying really hard 2 'win'
Not even sure what they do

Heads up their own asses
Becomes 'fun to h8 them'
Cuz every day I browse the internet
for people/memes to <3
and people/memes 2 h8

Seems chill to be able to 'hate' these bros so hard
I feel 'more interesting' when I can react to negative vibes
instead of just trying to spread positive vibes all the time.
As chill as chillwaves can be
sometimes u gotta get harsh on some bros to have a 'dynamic personality'

Welcome 2 Miami
Bienvenidos a Miami.

Who is a bigger ass hole: LeBron James or Kanye West?
Which bro is more self-aware?
Do they represent a complex new stereotype / genre of 'famous African American bro' that the world has never seen before?
Who got 'fucked over' more: Taylor Swift or Cleveland?
Is LeBron James an ass hole 4 taking this picture?

Photo by sharkvsbear

Just looking for bros who will never let me down
h8 humans, they are only looking out 4 themselves
no 1 can really be there for you all the time
I learned the hard way (my dad walked out on us)

So hard to trust
just want to escape
2 another world where there are no problems
where life is a party
and u feel like u never want to fall asleep
because something meaningful might happen
after the after party
when the sun begins to rise

I want to chill out with a PBR
a chill ass beer
cheap and tasty
like a lil cheeseburgy at McDonalds

but then I want to 'get amped up'
without the use of an energy drink
(too much sugar)
but would settle for a different white powder

a huge pile of blow
2 snort in my nose
it will travel up a pipe to my brain
and let my body know 'it is time 2 party'
and 'don't stop partying'
and 'u r the ultimate bro, living the ultimate life: a party.'

Cocaine saved / ruined my life
People told me I 'changed' and 'had problems'
and I 'only cared abt partying.'

They just didn't understand
that I had found the ultimate bros
I was in alt heaven
with a pile of blow
and a PBR

Blow will never die
PBR will never die
Bros will die
I want something that can be there for me forever.

Just wanna be 'the alt Scarface'
and live on 4ever
in the format of posters
in college dorm room
[via say hello to my lil friend, yall]

*****
Do u have bros who will never let u down?
Are humans flawed?
Do u ever feel alone, like every1 will let u down?
Do u ever feel like u can only trust brands and drugs?
Just wanna escape from the 'human condish'...

Photos by Plastic Choko

I am always searching for ways to prove that I am 'the most authentic fan' of buzz bands. So many people just steal MP3s and share them with their friends to prove that they are 'true fans'. Some more authentic fans purchase vinyl editions of LPs. Some bands create iPhone apps / games for their fans 2 buy. Going to a live show can prove that ur a fan, especially if u take some sweet video footage with ur point and shoot camera. Buying the poster of a band can make u a legit fan according to people who enter ur college dorm room..

Feel like wallpaper is 'the ultimate poster.' Like something that will be in ur room forever.  Wall paper interacts with the space in ur room, turning a 'bland' room into something that is 'truly beautiful'? This bro decided to get some wallpaper that represents his love of the XX, 'mashed up' [via Girl Talk] with his love of dining. The fork and knife form an X, metaphorically representing where art, commerce, food, and society intersect..

One day, u will take down all of the posters in ur room when you 'become a new version of you', but wall paper is more likely to stick around.  Do u have better wall paper in ur house / apartment, or as the background of ur desktop?

What are some good ways to prove that u r an authentic fan of buzz bands? How can u create a meaningful product to showcase ur allegiance to a buzzband?

• Grizzly Bear: Go hunting, kill a grizz bear, turn it into an iPod dock + speakers
• Vampire Weekend: Go 2 the movies and see 'Twilight' on a weekend
• MGMT: get ur MBA from University of Phoenix online business school
• Beach House: have ur parents buy u a house on the beach
• Crystal Castles: build a castle out of crystals
• Animal Collective:
• Panda Bear: go 2 the zoo and feed a panda bear mp3 players made out of bamboo
• Washed Out: huff cleaning agents
• Neon Indian: Go 2 an indian reservation, and paint some Native Americans 'neon', have them perform on SNL, kinda like Ke$ha
• the XX: buy a bunch of Dos Equises, then drink them, and keep the bottles in ur room.

Do u know of any good ways to prove that ur really into bands?
What types of band merch do u buy?
Do u want some sort of dining room set that showcases ur love of ur fave indie buzzband?
Should I get a bunch of black clothes + turtle necks so I can copy the XX's brand, sorta like how teen girls dressed like a slut / Madonna in the 1980s?

What is the most authentic utensil: the fork, knife, spoon, spork, or chop sticks?

Photo by thecobrasnake

Hello. Would you like to try a new cutting edge energy drink? It comes with an authentic boost of natural energy, made from healthy things that come from the Earth like vitamins, vegetables, plants, and miscellaneous non-synthetic elements. You won't feel the same 'crash' that you feel when you consume other energy drinks.

I like my job. I'm good at it. We basically find events where 14-25 year olds are hanging out, then go there with our cooler truck, and encourage them to try our brand of drink. We are real marketers. We don't just sit back and pray that something goes viral on the internet. To really promote a brand, we have to take it to the people.  This is authentic marketing.  Roll up your sleeves and get to work.

Day after day.  Going to the warehouse.  Filling up the truck with ice + energy drinks.

Driving.  Flat screen TVs in the back of our car.  Wearing a polo shirt with the brand on it.  Casual cool business attire.  This is the good life.

People really get excited when our truck rolls around. We play some really fun tunes by relevant buzzbands, and our branded SUV turns into modern tailgate party , with people rallying around our brand.  It really becomes a mad house.  I am not sure if people are excited about our brand, or if they are just excited to get something for free.

The hardest part of the job is when minorities and greedy teens try to hoard our free product.  I wish they would understand that we are trying to promote the brand to as many people as possible.  We want to give you a sample, but we are not looking to give you a 1 month's supply of energy drink. Show a little bit of respect. Not just for me, but for urself.

You think this is an easy job? You're fucking wrong. What we do takes a high level awareness/understanding of marketing, human nature, and the local cultural event economy. Not every one can do what we do. Not every1 can hand out free drinks to strategic markets.

Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? No. But this is an important resume builder as I move up in the company, or take my knowledge to another company/brand.

Energy Drinks.  Brand Building. Letting consumers know that they can believe in our brand.

The road goes on forever
and the demand for energy in a can never ends.

*******
What is the most authentic type of energy drink?
Are energy drinks 'for ass holes'?
Do yall believe in grass roots marketing?
Have u ever had a job where u sat at a table and represented a brand?

I recently read a story about a group of 50 bros dressed in all black who 'caused mayhem' on some street, then threw some rocks/beat in the windows of an American Apparel store. This indicates that 'retail terrorism' might be recycled into a relevant alt trend.  I feel scared because I was sorta getting behind the concept of buying stuff from trusted brands to express who I am. Like the concept of 'consumerism' has sort of become 'chill' these days, as opposed to something that we are supposed 2 h8.

Recently, another bro crashed a small airplane into an Internal Revenue Service building in Austin, Texas.

It seemed like he was sort of trying to promote a similar brand, like 'money is bullshit' or something, or maybe that 'the government enables this bull shit society in which we are trapped.'

I feel shaken up by these recent acts of consumer + retail terrorism, like the idea of being anti-government + anti-consumerism is 'back', and I might have to ride that wave in order to be considered an 'interesting person with a relevant opinion.' I like the way things are now, where I just have to keep up to date on buzzbands to be interesting. I think being a self-aware American is fun and chill, since we sort of just get to 'cope' with other ppl abt how we are trapped, but then just watch viral videos and forget about it.

Worried I might have to 'backpack bomb' a local suburban mall or something in order to be alt + authentic.

Sorta wonder if the post-1990s vibe of 'Fight Club' is 'coming back.' Like we 'hate consumerism', and we need to perform snarky acts of chill / metaphorical terrorism to free ourselves'. Miss u Project Mayhem / Fight Club.

Did Fight Club help us 2 become more authentic consumers, or did it 'set back the anti-consumerism' movement 20 years?
Seems like formative alternative bros probably chilled with Fight Club posters in their rooms. Miss u Ed Norton + Brad Pitt.

Sorta miss the days Ed Norton's career when he was 'budding into a relevant alt actor' and it was 'kewl' to say he was ur fave actor. I remember in American History X when he committed an act of retail terrorism against a local market that was hiring illegal immigrant workers.

I feel confused, since terrorism is 'violence', but maybe 'standing up for something' in the real world will become a more popular trend. There will be backlash against 'cowards who only exist on blogs / the comment forms of blogs.'

Is 'retail' bullshit?
Is eCommerce the future/the past?
Should we blow up all of the credit card company buildings across the world?
Should we start regional Fight Clubs with our bros?

If u had a relevant chain of branded clothes + apparel, what type of mall would u put it in? Maybe a safe indoor mall.

Maybe outdoor malls with security guards seem 'safe', since they are tucked away in suburbia

do yall trust 'mall cops' 2 protect ur merch, or is retail inventory 'so cheap' that it doesn't even matter?

R u gonna keep buying stuff from retail outlets or commit metaphorical terrorist acts on them?
Should Am Appy use more animal fur to attract a new demographic of protesters?
How can I perform an act of 'retail terrorism' on Amazon.com?
Should I get a summer job at Hot Topic, then set it on fire?
As tweens grow into their teen years, will they experience a consumer backlash against Jonas Brotherian/Hannah Montanian ideals which they once 'bought in to'?
Will Brad Pitt's most memorable role always be _________?

Photos by Ryan Barkan via BrooklynVegan

It's difficult to be a buzzband in the modern world. It seems like every1 is just trying to do stuff on the internet to 'go viral'/capture ur attention for 1-4 minutes, but they are forgetting about the spirit of music. The spirit of humanity. Music is here to lift us up, and help us enjoy life...sometimes even 2 help us escape from how much we h8 the trappings of modern society. My buzzband decided to do something new and original. We decided to go to the people. Instead of playing in a club or bar or church auditorium, we were going to find real people to play our real music. We went to a meaningful subway portal.

Playing our music to people who use public transportation will help us connect with real people, living real lives' in this real city of ours. First, we will succeed as a local band, playing rush hour every day for the next year. Then we will be signed and go 'national', and hopefully 'international.' It seems plausible that record label CEOs chill on this bus stop. In addition, this meaningful public space means provided us with some sweet acoustics that really helped our sound.

It was kinda inconvenient though, bc my female band mate has a really zany vintage piano thingy. Sucked 2 lug it down the stairs.

A lot of people didn't 'get' us and our music though. Maybe this is indicative of mainstream markets and their expectation of 'how music should sound.' So many bros were just like 'I want to get on my day without all of this hipster scum making my life hell.'

I think some of them confused us for 'beggars'. They didn't look at us or listen to us, as if we were less than human. Maybe they hated buskers (people who play music 4 money) because they don't have a solid track record.

We made $1. I wonder if it would be easier to maintain this business model, or to try to sell digital copies + exploit commercial licensing on the internet.

It was about more than just 'making money.' We used HD flip cams to cover the event, so we could get tons of internet media. Youtube, tweets, flickr fotos. We are social. We are social media.

Tons of people were twitpicing and dropping mad hashtags. Some people even used a tumblr app to live microblog that (Thank G-d for 3G wireless networks).

Wonder if the Bedford L Platform the altest place to play a meaningful live impromptu performance, or if we should have gone to a stop with a mainstream audience?

It seemed like we had invented something new. A new movement. The busker wave scene had been born, and we felt like we were the ones taking it to the mainstream.

Everything was going really chill. We had a lot of fans, and people were mad stoked to see us playing our cutesy indie music in a live zany context...

but then some ass hole African American came over and started banging on empty Home Depot buckets

Then some other African american came along and started banging on even more buckets, creating an ambient sound that sorta felt like Phil Spector recording Animal Collective.

Then things got weird when another busker band came along and started playing

Then some AZN bro came and started riffing on his acoustic

The vibe was texturous, and another African American busker came to riff on his sax.

We were fortunate enough to have a keyboard player there to really add some cute jingles. Her yamaha keyboard + amp + power generator really came in handy in the 3rd hour of our jam sesh.

Another AZN came out of nowhere and jammed hard on his sterling silver electro saxophone

Two of the founding members of the busker wave movement were sort of resentful of the new found popularity of our busker wave super group. They had been in the industry for 20 years, but didn't understand how our busker group had monetized so well.

Then a cello bro got off the subway, and we wrote a 'sad' song. Really mellowed out the whole subway platform.

Then wrote a dance anthem with the help of a zany guy + another accordion player

It seems like tons of foreign tourists really got into our band. They took pictures on their digital cameras, then uploaded them to their picasa accounts.

Overall, I think our experiment was successful. We made a lot of new fans, met some real people, and we felt like we reconnected with the spirit of music. Indie music no longer just lives on the internet. Indie music lives on the streets, in the subways, and in the sewers [via the Ninja Turtles].

Not sure if our next show should be in a city bus

or on an airplane?

Feel like city bus might 'reach real people', but people who are flying probably have tons of spending money that they are willing 2 spend on CDs + band merch.

1 indie band. 1 dream

Was it a 'good idea' for this indie band to play a show at a subway stop to create internet media?
Where would yall play to make the most amount of fans? The Super Bowl?
Do yall think buskers are annoying because they play shitty music?
How do u feel about black men who bang on buckets as if it is a 'real art form'?
Would yall rather give money to a busker, a beggar with a witty sign, or an indie band?

I just read a blog post photogallery about the 'Most Marketable' Olympians of the Vancouver Olympics. It sorta made me think about how 'important' / 'relevant' / 'irrelevant' the Olympics are. From what I understand, the Olympics have merged into a month long branding experiment. Sorta like an infomercial for a city / country / sport / human / athlete / brand. The Olympic games can provide enough memes to hold the world over for 1 month every year. Fortunately/unfortunately, the internet gives zany sports the opportunity to 'grow', kinda like the curling effect. In the modern world, humans like to talk abt the TV that they are watching while they are chillin on their laptops [via twitter].

Wonder who were the most important Winter Olympic athletes. If I had a Fortune 500 company, would I hire a Winter Olympic athlete who competes every 4 years to 'represent' my brand. Not sure if the Winter Olympics are genuinely inspiring to people. Michael Phelps was a chill summer olympian, but he is known more for being a Tiger Woods-type bro who just loves to do mad drugs and bang strippers + escorts. I would probably just hire an NBA or NFL player if I had a brand that needed an athlete ambassador, but if I lived in some sort of place like Asia or Europe, I might try to 'cut a small deal' with an Olympic athlete who balled over all.

Are winter Olympic athletes marketable?

Charlie White & Meryl Davis, USA ice dancing couple

From what I understand, it will always be 'funny' to make fun of 'flamers prancing around on ice.' Just another fascinating sport where we always struggle to understand how ppl devote their lives' to something so 'absurd.'  Ice Dancing is apparently even 'gheyer' than figure skating, since they just dance, and don't do extreme jumps where accidents can happen.

Shani Davis, USA speedskater

This bro is apparently one of the best at his sport of all time, but he is 'too humble' to brand himself like Usain Bolt and Michael Johnson as 'the fastest man in the world.' It seems sad. Sort of want a flamboyant African American diva bro 'pissing off' all of the other irrelevant countries who actually 'care' about the sport. Hopefully the USA starts more innercity speed skating programs.

Cheryl Bernard, Canada (curling)

Curling is apparently the second most popular sport in Canada behind hockey. This female broad has been branded as the 'cougar' of the sport, since she is mad hot + looks like she is down 2 fuck after baking you and your bros some rice krispie treats. I am not sure if curling is an 'alt' sport, or if it more like an SNL digital short starting Andy Samberg--something 'funny' that mainstreamers can rally around.

Mirai Nagasu, USA

From what I understand, America doesn't have any talented female figure skaters right now, but sponsors will probably invest in this girl for the next Olympics. I think it helps that she is AZN because they are more dedicate to 'training', but she probably won't be able to handle 'flopping' if she chokes.   I wonder if Dominque Moceanu is the 'gold standard' of lolita female American Olympians.

Joannie Rochette, Canada

I think she had a good Olympics for her long term brand because her mom died, and it made her personal story 400% more compelling. Even though she lost her mom, u can't help but think that her mom is smiling down from heaven, watching her daughter get 'mad endorsement deals.'

Torah Bright, Australia, halfpipe

She apparently chills in the halfpipe [via Shaun White snowboarder]. She is from Australia, and I am not sure if it snows there, so her story might not be very believable.  I think Australia just doesn't have very much going on, so they need as many celebs as possible to inspire their nation to believe that they will 'make it' off the island.  I feel like the Sydney Olympics was the #1 moment in the history of their country, at least from a branding perspective.

Mao Asada, Japan

She is a figure skater in Japan, and I think this confirms the theory that AZNs are really intrigued by figure skaters and cats. It seems like the ultimate tween sensation in an AZN country would probably be an ice skater who sings jap pop and also has an anime cartoon show.  I think that most famous Japanese people get endorsement deals for point and shoot cameras.

Lee Jung-Su, South Korea

One of the most interesting things about the Olympics is when you find out that a country 'cares too much' about a sport that isn't real/doesn't matter. The South Koreans apparently consider speed skating to be their 'national past time.' They h8 the American Apolo Anton Ohno, since he is apparently a cheater who pushes people over in order to win medals. Hopefully North Korea starts a speed skating team so that we can see some 'real drama' go down.

Bode Miller, USA

Bode Miller was marketed by Nike as a skier who 'doesn't care about competition.' He tried to brand himself as the chill bro of professional athletes, then chilled too hard and had a terrible Olympics, making him less marketable. Apparently skiing is 'big in Europe' so he makes 'mad bank' with European brands in the Euro circuit, but we only care about him in America if he wins medals.

Have yall ever been to an amusement park? It seems like it is a concept known by kids who were born before 1992. Before television, video games, and the internet emerged as the perfect ways to waste time/keep your kids quiet+entertained on weekends, huge plots of land called 'amusement parks' used to exist. On these plots of land, 'sensational shit' existed. Rollercoasters, rides, live shows, and other places where you could piss money away to 'have a good time.' It is sort of like the concept of a 'playground', except monetized.

Sea World was a company that seems to have been founded to build a 'sweet ass' amusement park, but maybe have a few educational values, since they feature aquatic life and creatures from the North + South pole. This was probably a good gimmick in the 1960s-1980s, back when parents wanted to give their kids a 'hands on' learning experience.  In addition, before high-speed internet + cable tv with 100+ channels existed, you didn't really have access to something 'sensational' on a daily basis.  Back then, watching a whale/dolphin/seal jump out of the water and dance around with a trainer in a wet suit was 'legitimately entertaining.'

For example, this picture probably looked 'cooler'/'more amazing' in 1980. A consumer in 1980 would probably think that they were special to see this sight in person. However, in the 2k10s, the critical mind is trained to ask more questions/understand why it won't be very special to see a couple of sea animals jump out of a pool of water.

Wonder if Sea World is 'the most absurd place' on the planet. It seems like a zoo, except 'extreme,' like it just drank a lot of Red Bull / Mountain Dew.

Shamu, a killer whale / orca is the face of Sea World. Even though the park has evolved and added more rides to compete with other dying amusement parks, Shamu has been the mainstay of the brand. Unfortunately, Sea World seems to be 'in the shitter' ever since the Discovery Channel + Animal Planet developed HD channels.  It seems apparent that people would rather see animals in their natural element, instead of performing 'lame ass tricks.'

Shamu seems like a good idea, since graphic designer can probably do a lot with the natural form of an orca.  Unfortunately, the killer whale is the #1 predator on the planet. Even though the great white shark + t-rex have strong brands as 'bad ass animals' [via Jaws + Jurrasic Park], the Killer Whale is actually most likely to 'tear shit up' in the wild.

Apparently the first Sea World opened in San Diego in 1964. I feel like they probably should have branded around a penguin / dolphin / sea lion / seal / otter /beluga, but instead, they branded around the orca. I imagine a team of 1960s business men thinking that 'Sea World' was a cash cow without evaluating the environmental impact of such an absurd, dangerous playpen.

Every 1 - 5 years, a killer whale attacks a trainer and kills/maims the human. This demonstration of man vs. nature never really ends well, particularly for the Sea World Brand. In today's modern world where we are eager to turn any thing mildly sensational into a meme, it seems like a bad idea to have such a volatile brand ambassador who might eat a human.

@Shamu was supposed to be a playful brand with a twitter presence, but they even had to shut down his account after the recent killing of his trainer. This seems like the equivalent of a professional athlete tweeting something 'controversial'/killing some1, then deactivating their twitter. Instead, this animal killed some1 and corporate HQ 'shut him up.'

I wonder if Free Willy ultimately 'hurt' killer whales, by taking their false brand of a 'gentle giant' to the masses. Maybe we all feel let down because we thought orcas were chill bros who just wanted to take you on sweet ass water rides.

Maybe amusement parks that feature animals in captivity are a bad thing.
Should animals be held in captivity to be shown off as 'freak shows'?
Does n e 1 know if killer whales are happier in the wild, or if they prefer living in a confined space and having fish fed to them after they do sweet tricks?

Just watched this vintage clip of a trainer getting her ass 'handed to her.'

Worried that 1 ton predators will always end up eating humans.

Do yall feel worried abt trainers when u see them in the air because u think the are about 2 be eaten?

Does Southwest Airlines regret being cobranded with Shamu? Do people who ride on a Shamu plane think that they are going 2 die?

Should Shamu be 'put down'?
Is Shamu an unchill bro for eating his trainer?
Should the trainer have 'gotten a real job that helped society' instead of swimming around with animals all day?
Do u hope the video game industry kills the amusement park industry, since it is easier/more fun to play a vid game than spend $50 for the right to purchase overpriced snacks + ride mediocre rides where u might die?
Which predator has the best brand? T-Rex? Great White? Grizzly Bear? Cobrasnake? Collectives of Animals?
Is Bitte Orca some sort of prophetic album abt orcas 'biting' humans?
Are yall more into zoos or amusement parks?
Would u rather buy ur unborn son a Wii or a season pass to an amusement park?
Do yall have any relevant/shitty amusement parks in ur area [via Disney / Six Flags /Knott's Berry Farm]?
Are amusement parks just places where local teens get summer jobs or do the really 'add value' to a city as a tourist attraction?
In order to save their brand, should Sea World 'release' Shamu back into the wild, or should they execute him on webcam so that they prove to consumers that they are moving on to a new era with a new brand?

Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post by The Edge: A Collection of Alt Rock from the era when 'Alt' actually meant something. For a nominal fee, Carles was instructed to copy and paste this advertisement into his blog in order to reach his readers. This is known as an 'advertorial' in the online ad sales industry, since it is an advertisement mixed in with editorial content. These ads are 90% more effective than traditional banner ads, but inspire a backlash by loyal readers.

*****BEGIN SPONSORED POST******
*****EDITOR'S NOTE: This post was not written by Carles*******

Have you ever wanted to rock n roll? Do you like sweet rock tunes that bros listen to when they are working out? Do you want to reconnect with the Golden Age of music? (the late 90s-early 00s).

Spend less time being a hipster on this website and start being alternative again. Pick up a copy of The Edge, as seen on TV.

3 CDs for only $29.99. This is an awesome deal, giving you a portable hard copy version of a bunch of sweet songs, compatible with any CD player in the Western World. Jam out with some of the sweetest bands in the world. This shit mother fucking rocks, like you could play it at a club, or before a game and people would get jacked up.

Money Back Guarantee: All of these bands will have bad ass band names, even if you don't like the song too much.

Enjoy some of your favourite bands that may or may not exist any more.

'I feel so Alive'
-P.O.D.

The Days when Christian Hope rap rock transcended society.

Some of the most progressive alt rock bands to ever rock across America. Alien Ant Farm's cover of 'Smooth Criminal' was responsible for the rejuvenation of Michael Jackson's career.

This is truly Rock n Roll Hall of Fame type of shit. Alt Rock will be remembered forever.

'Are you going to be my girl?' -the Jets

'She fucking hates me.' -the Puddle of Mudd bro.

Music that inspired a 50% sales bump at Hot Topic when they expanded their clothes that appeal to weird suburban goth female tweens and post-tweens.

Rock out with a bad ass operatic female singer. 'Wake Me Up Inside'

NOTE: If you have a goatee, you will enjoy this compilation. Goatees and mildly sculpted facial hair bros dig alt rock. They all just want to have an edge similar to their favourite alt rockers.

Music from back when people weren't afraid to be icons. Back when lead singers weren't afraid to go for it, and wear makeup.

Turn back the clock, break free from the modern indie rock hipster bullshit era, and rock out with some big, bold tunes. One day, you will be on your death bed, and you will only have one song left to listen to. You will pop in your copy of the Edge.

Order now, before all copies are gone.

Is this shit too hard for you?
Check out BUZZ BALLADS.

2 CDs, some of the most authentic rock ballads of the modern era.

'Hanging by a Moment' by Lifehouse was a truly revolutionary single.

I wish yall would step back from the ledge, my bros. -the Third Eye Blinds

'I am everything u want... I am everything u need.' -bald bro from Vertical Horizon.

Chill with this bro and sing some ballads that also have an alt rock edge.

The Edge and BuzzBallads are two truly unique products.
Call in now to order, and don't ever forget your roots.
Now this is what we can finally call music.

Which Edge is sweeter: The Edge human [via U2] or The Edge: a compilation of Alt Rock?

Feel free to discuss what is missing from these compilation.
Who will be on the Indie Compilation sold in 5 years?
Are CDs cooler and more useful than mp3 players because you can take the CDs anywhere, but mp3s are only on your WinAmp/Windows Media Player?
Was the Alt Rock era better than the modern indie era?
What is the sweetest alternative rock song of all time?

*****EDITOR'S NOTE: This post was not written by Carles*******

Last nite, I watched the Super Bowl, because I am currently working in a mainstream office environment, and I secretly feel insecure when every1 else is talking abt a mainstream event, yet I don't have a progressive opinion to 'share' that goes over every1' heads. The Super Bowl seems like a more fulfilling viewing event than awards shows like the Oscars or Grammys or the BCS championship because you have 2 forces/teams 'battling' to be the champion, instead of just voter opinions and computer algorithms.

Did u have a 'Super Bowl party' with chips, dips, meats, brewskies, and 'bros'?

I feel like the Super Bowl is the 1 event all year that really unites the country. Thanksgiving + Christmas are so forced, but I feel like every1 really 'comes together for the Super Bowl. If the two teams are 'compelling', 'exciting' or just 'from a big market', the Super Bowl usually goes well. Every1 in America was 'some what aware' that a football game was occurring, because their lives' were made more meaningful/inconvenienced by it. Just want to be able to have 'meaningful discussions' about 'the big game', then feel a little bit disenfranchised with life because I don't 'care' about it the same way other ppl do.

Did alt stuff happen during the super bowl?

I feel 'most interested' in the alternative landmark events that happened during the Super Bowl. To most alts/ternatives, the 2k10 Super Bowl will be known as 'the year the Arcade Fire scored the soundtrack 2 the Super Bowl.' Every several minutes, the meaningful chorus of their hit song "Wake Up" played over and over again, as it was cobranded with the NFL.  I wonder if their song was better utilized in the marketing campaign of Where The Wild Things Are.

In terms of 'selling out', this might be the biggest case of 'sell out' in the history of indie music.  Theoretically, there was no larger stage viewed by a wider audience than the Super Bowl.  I feel like the Super Bowl will begin to showcase former indie bands during half time in the second half of the decade.  For all we know, Arcade Fire negotiated a Super Bowl halftime 'guarantee' into their contract for this licensing.

To combat 'selling out', it was important for the Arcade Fire to send out an email blast to relevant sites+bloggers, letting consumers know that they were 'going to give the licensing money to Haiti.' It seems like this was a 'good gesture', but as the Arcade Fire transforms into a mindie (mainstream indie) band, you can't help but wonder if that was a 'calculated' move.

I feel like they did this both 'for a good cause', and to have another positive story/brand bit in their wikipedia entry.

Also saw the Grizzly Bear song "Two Weeks" in a Volkswagen commercial. It seems like that 'jingle' was created for mass markets, and it was only a matter of time before it was utilized in a commercial.  Volkswagen may or may not be an alt brand. Possibly is a B-rate 'trustafarian' brand. It makes me feel better knowing that Grizz Bear is being compensated instead of 'giving their money away to Haitians' after so many people texted 'HAITI' to 90999.  It seems like a lot of tweens probably already gave enough money 2 save Haiti, or am I 'being naive/Americentric'?

'Just sort of relieved the New Orleans Saints won, reminding us that 'we had our own disaster' on American soil, and we need 2 fix what is wrong IN America before we invade Iraq/Iran + help with foreign crises. Fire Obama.'
-progressive conservative/liberal

Also saw some Google commercial. I guess they have to 'advertise because they are a lifestyle brand, and fear Bing + Yahoo searches. The concept of their commercial idealizes/romanticizes the idea of studying abroad in France, meeting a cute French Broad, then importing her to the states and putting an exotic blooded child in her.

Is Google 'misleading' consumers by promising them happiness/success if they continue to solve their problems by googling them?
Does this commercial make u want 2 study abroad?

Was sorta surprised to see Alt Famous Photographer Noah Kalina in a Dodge Charger Super Bowl Commercial. Noah Kalina went 'mad viral' because he took a picture of himself every day for 6 years, then made a viral youtube video abt it.

The commercial seems to be an admission that 'life as a man sucks', but there are simple pleasures that you can enjoy during ur lifetime.  One of them is 'driving an awesome car.'  Another one might be 'cheating on your wife.'  Another one is probably 'eating 5000 calorie meals and dying from heart failure.'  Just want 2 make commercials that appeal the middle American Man.

Not sure how much 'alt stuff' happened during the actual game. Think that the Super Bowl is just a 'consumer expo' sort of like some sort of global convention [via web conferencing].

Does n e 1 know if Hurricane Katrina is 'officially over' now that the New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl?

Drew Brees' son also seemed pretty alt after his dad won the Super Bowl. He put on some 'huge headphones' and acted like he 'didn't give a damn' about the Super Bowl.

Do u think he was listening to Animal Collective in order to make the experience more meaningful?

Also, some 'cool grandpa' band called The Who played halftime. It seemed like they were some sort of parody of a classic rock band, but I am not really familiar with music from before the year 2000.

Peyton Manning was apparently going to be 'the Greatest Quarterback of All Time' if he won this game, but he 'choked bigtime.' It seems like this loss will cost him millions of dollars. He had a great opportunity to become 'the most marketable athlete to old white people' because of Tiger Woods' fall from grace, but he won't be able to command the millions of dollars that a true champion could have.

Worried about his body language. Like he is a 'sore loser'/not a 'genuine leader.'

Not sure how Americans would feel knowing that the UEFA Champions League Final gets more global viewers than the Super Bowl. As an American, I thought that the Modern 'National Past Time' (the NFL) had a global reach, but I think more global ppl are into soccer + NBA basketball [via Yao Ming China effect].

Can't believe soccer/real 'football' is still the global game. Worried that American Football might be as 'retarded' as the American Metric System.

Commercial Analysis

Here is some in-depth consumer analysis some of the most relevant commercials of the Super Bowl.

Saw this McDonalds commercial where two black athlete NBA players play a game of 'HORSE.' Dwight Howard and LeBron James are two of the most marketable NBA players because they are young, and don't have a bad reputation yet. They continue to attempt 'out of this world' dunks which are created with visual effects. This commercial seems like it is supposed to appeal to 'stupid people' who think dunks are 'effing sweet' and are not aware of the societal impact of the fast food industry. Professional athletes enjoy fast food because of their limited income upbringings and their rigorous practice schedule which enables them to burn 3,000-10,000 calories per day.

(Please Note: McDonalds placed Larry Bird in this commercial so that the commercial wasn't 'too black', and didn't only appeal to new, young NBA fans.)

Another former African American basketball player, Charles Barkley starred in a Taco Bell commercial. He is known for being an 'outspoken black talking head who we have all learned to love.' Despite a gambling addiction and drunken sexual indiscretions, Taco Bell thought his silly brand would help them sell Taco Combo meals, served in a branded box.

Do u want to buy a taco box from a 400 lb rhyming man in a huge suit?

Do u 'forgive him' for past alleged 'criminal' activities?

He seems to have evolved into a jolly, fat, radically opinionated man, as opposed to an 'angry black man.'

Also saw that Bud Light attempted to 'tap into' the mainstream infatuation with the autotune phenomenon from 2k9.

I was just looking at the Coachella festival jpg lineup announcement, and I felt sort of underwhelmed. So many bands that appeal to a lot of different people. It seems like they are going for a sort of 'nostalgic'/'ironic' type of experience this year. Like our chance to re-live the past without leaving behind all of the pleasures of today.

I sorta wonder if 'music festivals' are still going to be authentic/fun/organic/exciting experiences. In the latter stages of the 2k0 decade, we saw music festivals morph into huge corporate events. So many mainstreamers showed up at formerly alternative festivals that by the end of the decade, festival curators were catering to maltstream audiences by booking headliners such as Coldplay, the Kings of Leon, and Jack Johnson Bro.

It seems like music festivals aren't even 'about the music' any more. Bottles of water cost $5. Plastic bottles of beer cost $15. Buying band merch costs 500% more than the unit cost of a blank tshirt. Feels like if I wanted to pay to 'gawk at famous people from afar', I would get tickets to a professional sports team. Really hope that microfestivals begin to pop up. Secret gatherings of young professional alts + 'trustafarians' who are willing to pay top dollar for a unique experience, limiting the amount of entry levs at the music fest.

Wonder if by the end of the decade, we will be dropping off our kids at Hanny Montanny music festivals.

Mind is truly 'blown' by the coachella lineup. Part of me wants to say it 'sucks' and 'all of those bands are old', but another part of me just wants to 'go have fun and listen to some awesome music.'

Which band r u looking forward 2 seeing the most at Coachella 2k10?
Which music festival will u attend in 2k10?
Will u stop going to music festivals this decade because seeing kidz/inauthentic ppl watching the same bands u like can put a bottleneck ur ability to enjoy a band/concert/mp3?

Previous Concert/Show/Festival Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/06/u-me-and-every-concert-we-attend-how-we-grow-older-with-concerts.html

The Festival Bro

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/05/i-am-the-festivalbro.html

Who do u see when u go 2 music festivals?

Guess it is music festy season again.

Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

Lists: Californians, music festivals, rich ass ppl

Read more>>>>

I was recently shopping for some miscellaneous items at my local Target store, and I walked through the 'clothes' section to see if there were any 'sweet buys' that I could find that 'didn't look like they were from Target.' It's always rewarding to 'get compliments' about elements of my wardrobe, since I am a rlly trendy person, and then 'surprise' people by telling them that I 'got it for cheap at a relatively mainstream outlet.'  Then I made 'the ultimate discovery' that might turn the entire alternative world upside down.

Photo via flickruser

It seems like the display rack in Target looks 'a whole lot like' the display racks in American Apparel. Like the products are 'complete rip offs' or something.  At first I was excited, since I thought I would get a ton of Am-Appy-ish materials 'on the cheap' but then I started to wonder if these knock-offs would enable me to achieve the same brand goals.  Not sure if I would be able to 'lie' to myself, kinda like women who use fake purses.  Not sure if the $5-$10 prices would be worth paying if they weren't officially amAppy.

Can't believe Target 'totally ripped off' Am Appy. Wonder what they are trying 2 do.

I feel like Am Appy owns the 'design rights' to this aesthetic, and probs deserve to sue any1 who rips them off. They are responsible for branding this aesthetic as 'kewl.'

Maybe Target decided to 'rip off' the Am Appy clothing aesthetic in order to 'get back at them for 'stealing their logo aesthetic.'

I did some internet research and found out that Target was founded in 1902. American Apparel was founded in 1989. I feel 'very surprised' by that fact, since I have only known about Am Appy for a few years (I first found out about them when they moved into my suburban market mall.) It is interesting that they both have similar logos that rely on 'the power of Helvetica' to get across their store's aesthetic. It seems like Am Appy might have 'ripped off' the Target logo by using Helvetty/Arial as their font.

Yall can probably notice the similarities in the store logos.

Seems like most 'everything' stores are trying to appeal to alts. Or maybe alternative aesthetics have 'taken over', and they are trying to enable the poors to wear solid coloured shirts. Maybe poor people will no longer think that they need 'branded logos' + scribbly shit [via Ed Hardy] on their t-shirts to make them look like they are rich/fit-in.

Just don't know what belongs to who, and what type of 'intellectual design property' can really be owned. I feel like the Font Industry and the Music Industry are really similar. I think I expect to utilize fonts for free, much like I expect to listen to music for free. The person who creates a font is looking to 'go mainstream' by 'getting included' on tons of personal computing machines. This is the same thing that buzzbands need to try to accomplish. Fonts + Music can't really 'change the world' but they can definitely be an under-appreciated element of ur every day life.

Bands need to create files that make it on to as many computers as possible. MP3s, JPGs, MOVs, FLVs, PDFs, EXEs, DMGs, and any other type of file known to man. Buzzbands need to 'make it' on to pplz computers.

Having a huge crisis.

Do u think that Target will get sued by Am Appy?
Do u think Am Appy will get sued by Target?
Do u still think Am Appy is a 'relevant brand'?
Is there a new Alt brand?
Should I be a font designer, or should I start a buzzband?
How does the law decide 'who owns a font'/font-based logo?

Previous Target Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/09/is-target-the-most-authentic-everything-store.html

American Apparel

Company

Lists: Californians

Read more>>>>

Photo via BallDon'tLie

It's kinda weird how we're all 'witnesses' 2 marketing, and we are impacted by the stuff that is around us. I noticed this bro from Cleveland Ohio who had actually 'converted his garage' into some sort of tribute to his favourite African American athlete in the world, an NBA basketball player named LeBron James who plays in the same city. It seemed weird 2 me, mainly because sports don't really mean anything, and I thought every1 realized that sports is just some sort of intense marketing + branding experiment for males.

Sorta wonder 'why' this bro felt moved to convince his parents to let him turn their garage + old ppl convertible into a LeBron James Tribute Zone. I understand 'being a fan' since I am theoretically a 'fan' of a bunch of indie bands, but I feel like this would be the equivalent of painting ur car to match the Merriweather Post Pavvy cover. It seems 'extreme', like instead of living ur life, you are getting too emotionally attached to the characters + brands that 'sports' create.

I am not sure why LeBron James would 'inspire him' to architecturally alter his property. From what I understand, LeBron James thinks that he is a 'chosen one' when it comes to life. Maybe he 'convinced every1 in Cleveland' that he is some sort of God. (seems like a tattoo that only 'an ass hole' would get/only 1-4 people in the world are 'actually qualified to receive').

I am not sure if this tattoo means that he thinks he is 'better than every1 else at everything' or just at basketball. From what I understand, LBron has not won an NBA Championship and Michael Jordan won 6 of them. Kinda feel like that makes Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrong's brands 'legit', since they 'won stuff.' Seems like Nike possibly 'jumped the gun' on branding LeBron James, or perhaps he is the only athlete 'simple enough' to go along with an 'over-the-top' campaign in our modern world where people feel 'shitty' after seeing some1 rub their greatness in ur face.

I feel like the entity 'LeBron James' is some sort of propaganda to save the psyche of people who live in Ohio. From what I understand, living in Ohio is 'a very depressing experience', since u are 'trapped in ur life. I feel like Nike probably recognized the opportunity to 'trick the people of Ohio' into thinking that their life would be improved if LeBron James won more basketball games.

This billboard seems 'insane.' I feel like I would understand why some1 had a 'warped sense of self/the world' if they 'green lit' this sort of billboard.

Nike understood that it was important to reach the white t(w)een bros, and lure them with the 'opportunity to co-brand with 'greatness.'

I am an advocate of children participating in sports/following a favourite team for a 'sense of belonging.' It seems way more healthy than letting your tween 'get into the Disney brand'/Jonas Brothers/Twilight books/etc. The spirit of 'sports' seems positive 'on the field', but I am scared of 'how warped shit can get' when it comes to uppermiddle class male teen bros who 'think that they are the shit.'

Worried that these types of bros are the ones who 'actually fall for sports marketing campaigns.'

Nike even paid Warren Buffet to be a 'witness' to this marketing scheme.

Seems like important African American artists who white ppl think are 'kewl' even participated in this whole 'witness' marketing gimmick. [via Kanye Meme]

Damn. Worried about athletes/rappers/African Americans/Nike and how they brand 'greatness.' I feel like the 'zeitgeist of greatness' is something that white males are pretty into, but I am not sure if it is a healthy concept to explore before a male is truly mature enough to understand his place in the world.

TeenBros who believe that they are 'great' pride themselves' in having the latest expensive shoes.
TeenBros who believe that they are 'great' are never 'team players.'
TeenBros who believe that they are 'great' often have bad fathers who are not grounded in reality.
TeenBros who believe that they are 'great' often reach their physical peak during their sophomore year in high school, then go to a subpar university in order to 'continue playing their fave sport' and major in some field that they honestly believe will 'enable them to stay close to the game that they love', including 'sports medicine', 'sports business' and 'sports marketing.'
If my son is a sports bro, I will monitor the influence of marketing on his psyche. Mainstream Teens are impressionable too.

I don't want my son to evolve into a TeenBro who thinks he is 'great.' I just want him to be happy 4 the right reasons, even if that means he 'plays in the High School Jazz Band'/a local ska band (maybe not).

Should I convince my parents to convert my garage into a tribute 2 ______________?

This post is intended to appeal to the sportsbro and post-teensportsbro demographic.

Yall. I recently attended a show by the 'crossover' faux-indie band The Ting Tings because I heard that they were giving away free Adidas track suits, and all alcohol for free [via Bud Light]. Apparently the event was some sort of 'marketing' project by the Adidas viral + alternative marketing division.

Here is a picture of me and my friends after we got free tracksuits. Totally 'rockin it Tennanbuam style.' (that's me in the shuttershades.)

Photos via ampradio

'Score! Free adidas tracksuits + Bud Light... i gotta feeling that 2nites gonna be a good nite...' -my fb status sent via iPhone

I think that the party was meant to 'get artistic' since they handed out free 'glow in the dark' paint. I think that the ppl attending the concert were supposed to create some sort of SPOOGEFEST that could be captured on camera. This is a member of the Ting Tings.

From what I understand, the amount of paint on u is directly related to the amount of fun u had at the event.

It was really a blast...can hardly remember that nite! Here's a picture of me 'n' the gang. We have all just recently moved to LA trying to find our place in the entertainment industry, and I feel like the first time, we all felt like we were a part of a micro-social network like the ones we see on TV [via Friends/Seinfeld/Sex and the Citys].

It seems like this was the perfect alt experience. It's sad that bands can't create memorable experiences like this on their own bc they don't have enough money. I feel sad that Adidas had to fund the most meaningful live experience of my life.

Here is a slideshow that I made abt my nite. Posted that shit on my facebook.

Overall, it was a kewl ass nite. I wish more of my fave bands would collab with mnstrm brands on marketing gimmicks, but I am not sure if the bands that I like are 'mainstream enough' to be worthy of name brand mrktng synergies. Seems like this is 'the future of marketing.' U can't rlly get much ROI when it comes to banner ads, but u can 'create memorable, blggble experience' if you do something that seems artsy and meaningful (and photographs well).

I am scared that some of the best moments of my life (music festivals, the Super Bowl, serving in Desert Storm, graduating from high school) were just marketing gimmicks created by Corporate America.
Do u think this kind of marketing is 'authentic' or 'dangerous'?

Have u ever participated in a 'spoogefest'?

'peace out, bitches. My life is so WIN! Best...Concert...Ever....' -the spirit of this pic

After pouring his beautiful heart/mind/soul into his last post, Carles was scared, afraid to blog again. Then the Dorito Bro was sent 2 him [via God] as a reason 2 blog again. This post is a celebration of the Dorito Alt.

Photo via lookbook

Planning a party, so many choices
Just want to facilitate a good time for all of my bros
offering the best drugs and alcoholic beverages
playing the best music
and having the most appropriate party snacks available.

I don't want people 'making a fucking mess' in my house
I don't want to spend too much money
I do want ppl 2 b able to 'grab n go'
I do want ppl 2 remember this partie 4ever.

It seems like there are so many choices in the chip aisle
No transfat, kettle chips, tortillian chips, chips made of the blue corn
Cheetos, Tostitos, Fritos, Doritos, Ruffles, Sour Cream N Onion, BBQ
Cheddar, Jallypenny, Cracked Pepper, Sea Salt, Vinegar
Brands presented 2 me by Frito Lay, Inc
and miscellaneous underground/indie chip brands
trying 2 'break thru' offering a healthy alternative to mnstrm chips
(much like the indie music scene)

I want 2 pick something healthy
but I want something tasty
maybe I'm messing up
and should be in the 'cracker' aisle
or perhaps buying some sort of 'spread'/'dipping concoction'
offered by the local Whole Foods

I trust Frito Lay because of the years, they have done so much
to innovate the chip industry

s0 many choices
s0 many brand loyal customers
s0 many manufacturing efficiencies
s0 many low prices

Seems like i might narrow down my choices
to Fritos, Doritos, Cheetos

Worried that ppl will think I'm 'boring' if I choose Fritos
Worried that ppl will get 'cheeto dust' fingers if I choose Cheetos
Doritos seem like a 'kewl' option.

I think it is alternative/authentic when your brand is customizable
or if the brand offers you multiple alternatives
so that u can choose which flavor truly represents u
From what I understand 'consumers are not searching for the perfect flavor, they are searching 4 as many options as possible.'

s0 many choices with the Dorito Brand

I really appreciate the core flavors

'Nacho Cheesier!' seems cheesier than just 'Nacho Cheese'

'Cooler Ranch!' is also extreme bc of the exclamation point in the name. It is as exciting as a band with punctuation in their band name.

Really could go for a full meal. Possibly a steak dinner.

Might 'cut back on the calories/fat' and eat chicken instead.

Pizza also sounds like a good option

If I lived in India, I would probably 'really dig' the Curry flavored Doritos

If I lived in ______, I would really enjoy the Rock & Cream Doritos.

'Damn.'

Not even sure who some of these are marketed 2. Seems like the Dorito CEO made a lot of these flavors 'just for shits.'

It's kinda kewl how their brand did 'mashups' kinda like Girl Talks.

I think this is another mashup for Aznz.

Think this flavour was meant 4 me since I am a 'late nite' bro who needs 'drunk food'

Might fly to Asia just to try this American flavor, or possibly just go 2 Taco Bell.

It is also xtreme 2 eat Doritos because they have 'drugs' in them.

Wonder if I can 'get fucked up' by eating a couple of bags of doritos.

Seems like this flavor is made out of horses.

I'm not sure what these doritos taste like. It seems like the are breaking free from the traditional triangle Dorito shape, providing a new dipping structure.

Doritos 3Ds also 'transcended' the traditional form+function of Doritos.

Eager to try 'human doritos.'

Hi. I'm the Dorito bro.

R u coming to my party?
"Friends, Food, Fun." -the description on the facebook event page
Description: "We're gonna eat a shit load of Doritos, drink Mountain Dew, and listen 2 bloghaus."

Sorta wish Doritos naturally existed in nature and we got to 'harvest' and 'export' them. Feel like it would save our economy.

What's ur fave kind of 'potato chip'?
What is the most authentic chip/party snack?
Do u have any party planning tips?
Are Doritos the most authentic alternative brand on the planet?
Is Doritos the new Chili's?

Photo Via Ppl of WalMart

Every few months, some sort of meme blog will emerge where a snarky blogger will write witty 1 liners about pictures of 'fucking retards' who are 'making asses of themselves' even though they are just 'being themselves.' Basically, u get to make fun of people who probably don't even really know how to read blogs, or how blog technology + modern publishing systems even work. If they do have a computer, it is probably a 'slow ass' desktop infected with a 'shitload' of 'spyware.'

This picture comes from a 'viral meme blog' called 'People Who Shop At WalMart because they are Poor.' The premise of the blog revolves around 'making fun of people' because they are 'fucking trapped in their lives' and they have to shop at Wal Mart. These people probably have some sort of mental or social issues, and end up 'looking like fucking jack asses' without even realizing it. Some1 will photograph them digitally, upload it to the internet, and come up with a relevant 'snark joke' which ensures that you are 'better' than the person pictured, not only because of your relatively regular personal appearance, but also because of ur elevated class+financial status.

I feel like this overweight person is attempting to be 'alt' by wearing some shuttershades, a black + neon hoodie and some kewl converse/Vans shoes.. He also had 'tight jeans' but that might be because of his weight problems. While it would be snarky to 'make fun' of this individual, it is more important to recognize that this minority represents everything that is wrong with America. We truly live in a Fast Food Nation where it is cheaper to gorge yourself on high-fat + high-sodium foods. Not only are poor people culturally-irrelevant due to their lack of connection with ongoing trends on the internet, but they are also priced out of fresh foods and organic options at chains like Whole Foods or Trader Bro's.

It would be 'so easy' to 'make fun' of this person, but in order to make our society a better place, we have to realize that we can't support big businesses like the Walmarts. They have basically enslaved the human race, and are encouraging us to die as soon as possible. Being educated and able to execute relevant trends is a true luxury, not just because of the high level media and humor that we get to consume, but also because of many of the high-end lifestyle choices that we get to make. While you may laugh at this 'beached alt', u have to realize that he is a victim of his own circumstances.

One day, the doctor will tell him that he has diabetes. One day the doctor will prescribe him with blood pressure medication. One day he will have his leg amputated [via diabetes]. One day this bro will be on life support. Your taxes are paying for this. We need to save the medical care system and the educational child feeding system before they use up all of our money. It seems like we might need to 'outlaw' all restaurants, and possibly have 'feeding ports' where all citizens eat for free only approved, well-balanced meals. Not sure if Obama is 'communist enough' to make this happen.

Should I move to a 'skinny state' or should I go to a 'fat ass state' and open a Chili's?

Do yall like the 'peoples of Walmart' blog, or is it too 'mean spirited', 'classist', and 'racist' 4 u?
Do u shop at the Walmart for unbeatable prices?
Are blogs getting 'too snarkie'?
Do u eat fast foods?
Is Walmart bad for small businesses?
Did a Walmart ruin ur local community/hometown?

Is Wal Mart some sort of 'watering hole' for poor people? Does it make u sad that u can't authentically hunt+gather n e more, and it is all just consumer bullshit corporate America decisions?

It seems like Viral Meme Blogs are successful because they encourage people to 'share laughs.' I feel sorta like the 'art of standup comedy' might be dead since it is such a long, boring experience to share with some1. It seems like it might be more 'instantaneously rewarding' to let people jump into a zany ass link that you shared with the world.

I honestly feel like healthcare will 'fix itself' if we just let the obese generations 'kill themselves.'
Do u have an opinion?
Should I start a commune?

Photo via Ivan Rodic

I have always wanted to be involved in 'grassroots marketing campaigns' that reach real people. It seems like the best way to do this would be to become 'a bro holding up a sign on the side of the street.' I feel like this strategy might have been stolen from homeless people, usually using their lil sign to let people know that they are 'hungry' or that they would 'welcome any sort of cash donation' towards their survival fund.

The truth is, online advertising might not even work--mainly because not every one uses the internet. Did you know that only 10% of the world uses the internet (uncited). Did you know that only 1% of the world has a 'smartphone' (uncited)? Did you know that only 10K units of iPhones have been sold (uncited)? Did you know that only 34% of the world has an email address, while 100% of the world has a physical street address (uncited)? So while you may think that the whole world is a savvy consumer just like you, the way the world works is completely different. While 'banner ads on websites' might reach 'stuck up Gen Y a-holes from all of the world', a more effective marketing campaign on a microscale might involve 'holding up a sign on the streets telling consumers about your product.'

For example, these bros have a lemonade stand in their suburban neighborhood. They are letting drivers know that they have Lemonade and Bottled Water for sale, and that proceeds will help to clean water in Liberia. They utilized graphic design, computers, markers, and laserjet printers to break through society's 'noise' and enable potential customers to 'get their message.'

This pizza parlor is letting consumers know that they have 'cheap ass pizzas', possibly between the hours of 4-6 pm, when moms are driving their kids home from school and need a 'cheap dinner option.' Sometimes, u have to have a cheap product to tap into the 'impulse buy' economy.

If you do the math, you basically have to hire some 'poor person with minimal pride/awareness of the world' to stand outside with the sign, possibly for $10 per hour. I would avoid hiring young people, since they tend to 'look ashamed'/'disinterested' in holding up the sign, since they unintentionally outsourced their brand. It seems better to have a 'serious old person' who thinks they have a real job, or possibly a 'crazy old man' who will wave to people and be a jovial extension of your brand. It is important not to hire a krazy homeless man, since he might scare customers away, even if he has tons of experience in professional sign holding.

It also seems like the seasonal tax services industry also utilize the gimmick 'having some person stand outside in a Statue of Liberty costume.' It reminds poor people driving by that they are 'too dumb' to do taxes, and need to get them done for a small fee at their local tax office.

Always remember that you have to 'go to the streets' to reach real people. While internet advertising 'looks kewl', sometimes u have to reach low-end consumers with your low-end product. I believe in the power of holding up signs on the side of the road.

'Know your customer.'
-Warren Buffet, CEO of Chili's Fun Foods Corp

Previous 'shitty marketing jobs' coverage: Guy sitting at a table representing a brand
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/08/hello-i-am-a-guy-sitting-at-a-table-i-represent-a-brand-i-want-to-sell-you-something-that-you-are-not-interested-in-buying.html

Hey yall. In an effort to become more of a 'music blog' again, I will attempt to do more album reviews. I will find relevant albums, and review them using creative words, images, and metaphors. I will tell you how the album makes me feel. Sometimes when there is not an album to review, I will review a different product, but still call it an 'album review.'


**************************
Artist: Nissan
Album: The Cube
Rating: 3.5 out of 10 runoffs

Recently, I was involved in an auto accident when a minority 'slammed' into my car. Fortunately, I was safe, and I have a solid insurance plan with a $100 deductible. While my car was being repaired, I was able to obtain a rental from Enterprise Rent-A-Car (paid for by my insurance company).

The people at the rentacar were very nice. Seemed like bros who were 'under a lot of stress' [via multitasking], but ultimately trying to build a better career for themselves by being excellent human representations of the overall corporate vision.

They put me into a new car called 'The Nissan Cube.' I had seen several cars that seemed like cubes driving around the high way, and always thought to myself 'what kind of ass hole would buy a lil box car?' Then I realized that I should not 'diss' Scion cars because Scion is usually a sponsor of alternative websites, parties, and events.

Walked out to the parking lot, got into 'the Cube.' Thought to myself 'Jesus Christ.'

Seemed 'more spacious than I thought.' Sound system 'blew balls'--couldn't jam rap/music made by bros from California.

Couldn't believe I was in a box car. Jesus Christ.

Can't believe I'm in a box car. Felt like I was in the demographic of 'people who bought cars that were lil box cars.' People who 'drove to the coast' with friends with surfboards on top of the car, or something. Seems like I wanted people to think that I was 'kewl' sort of like when an entry level person takes out a white macbook in a coffee shop.

Driving the cube around, people looking at me as I drive by, possibly thinking 'what an ugly car.' Felt self-conscious.

Not sure who designed the Cube. Seems like a radically innovative design, targeted at a specific demographic. Not sure if the design was 'functional' or 'stupid.' I was driving in a Cube. Pre-programmed radio stations, listening to rap, soft rock, Top 40 radio stations. Considered burning a bloghouse CD to put in the CD player.

I felt 'different' in the Cube, but maybe not in a good way. Felt like a Hot Topic California teenAlt who got her first car which was 'more affordable' than most of her dream cars.

Wonder if a Cube driver would feel better if the car was a 'hybrid.' It is possibly a gas guzzler, or more inefficient than u realize.

Cube.
Feeling like a fggt
in a lil cube car.
Jesus Christ.
Is this really me?
Is this really me?
Am I in a cube?
Do I like this car?
Is this car 'trying too hard' 2 be 'me'?
Do people 'actually buy' this car bc it is their dream car?
Should a car represent 'me'?
Should I buy a Scion?
Or a Honda element?
Or some other lil box car?
Not sure who box cars are for.
Not sure if I would 'pan' this car in an album review
or if I would 'hype it up.'
Just want to explain how the world works
in album review formats.
Wonder what a perfectly designed automobile would look like.

This was an album review by Carles.

How many authentic alts can u count in this video?

My entire life, I have tried to be an individual. I want to be noticed. I don't want to blend in, nor do I want to be ordinary, boring, or bland. It's very hard, particularly in the internet age where trend adoption happens so instantaneously [via viral tweet buzz]. I just want to be myself, and some how stay an 'individual' without being 'mainstream cool' enough for people to copy me.

According to this commercial, Miracle Whip is somehow a gateway to individuality and authenticity. Traditional mayonnaise represents everything 'uncool' and 'mainstream' about the world. I traditionally utilize my 'taste in music' and 'technological adaptation' to set myself apart, but it's kinda weird how little things like 'condiment choices' can go a long way towards establishing a unique personal brand. Sorta like ppl who dip their fries in _______ instead of ketchup.

It seems like the people in this commercial are partying, enjoying life, and spending time with other human beings. They all seem confident in their personal brands, as if they have made a happy life where they can have rooftop parties in urban environments. I think it is safe to assume that they achieved this comfortable status by consuming Miracle Whip. Might go to Whole Foods and see if they have Miracle Whip, or if they try to tell me that organic mayonnaise is better 4 u.

Do u use Miracle Whip?
R u counting calories?
What is the most authentic condiment?
Should I just start saying 'that's s00 mir whip' instead of 'that's s00 alt' and 'that's s000 mayo' instead of 'that's fckng mnstrm'?
If I smear some Miracle Whip on my AnCo vinyl, will it sound better?
Should I be Miracle Whip 4 Halloween?
Does it make u feel uncomfortable when generic products 'over-brand' themselves in order 2 'be kewl' with 'hip ppl'?

Miracle Whip might be the new Alt.
Miracle Whip might be some sort of 'enzyme' which enables authenticity.
Miracle Whip might be the new Sparks/PBR.
Plugging your head phones into an open jar of Miracle Whip might produce the best music ever made.
Miracle Whip might 'prevent STDs and babies' if u use it while having the sex with lovers.
Last night a dab of Miracle Whip saved my life.

Really feel like this marketing campaign 'spoke to me.'
When they tell u 'Don't Be So Mayo'
They are really telling u
'Don't be such a mnstrm fggt.'

Who has had a more positive impact on society: the designer who designed 'the iPod/iPhone/macbook' or the designer who designed the 'upside down squeeze bottle'?

Note: Carles has 'fixed' HRO and commenting is now available.

via am appy store

I was browsing the Am Appy store, and I found a kewl new product called 'the bag o scraps.' I think that the concept behind the product is that you can 'create your own meaningful arts and crafts' using Am Appy material/the exclusive Am Appy colour/design palette. Like if you can't afford a real Am Appy t-shirt, you could glue together these scraps to make ur own unique one. Or if you are a free-spirited girl, u can 'let ur imagination run wild' while creating some thing 'beautiful' with the bag-o-scraps.

It seems hard to run a clothing manufacturing company, like there is all of this 'extra shit' left over, but u don't really know what to do with it. Then u hire some 'alternative arts+crafts consultants' to come in with some 'fresh ideas' about how you can brand this waste. Seems like u are just 'jonesing 4 money' in anyway possible, trying to 'liquidate inventory' and 'reduce the bottom line' by 'creating brand synergy' and 'manufacturing efficiencies' while keeping 'fixed costs at a minimum' and creating a 'progressive business culture' where 'ideas are incubated' and ur 'vertically integrated corporate structure' is able to 'make huge margins.'

The bag-o-scraps sorta reminds me of how barbecue restaurants invented a product that is a sandwich made out of the leftovers from beef scraps and the leftover meats that have a 'high fat content.'

The Chopped Beef BBQ sandwich is made up from the scraps and leftover fat cuttings from the 'premium beef products.' They are able to mix all of this 3rd class waste with barbecue sauce, and sell it like it is a 'special recipe', but the people who eat it are actually 'eating pig slop.' It seems important to only eat 'white meat' and possibly red meat that has a 'reasonable fat content.' But I think in America, ppl like to eat unhealthy stuff, and take pride in it.

(What is ur fave kind of BBQ?)

It seems difficult to run a business efficiently. I feel like ideally, there would be no 'leftover scraps' to salvage. But maybe the bag-o-scraps is sorta a lesson about life. Not everything is going to be a perfectly tailored t-shirt in a unique colour sold at an above-market price because ur buying a 'quality brand.' Sometimes u have to take what life gives you--a bag-o-scraps-- and turn it into something beautiful. Maybe life is just a bag-o-scraps, and the individual scraps are the people/mp3s/blogsites/social networks/tweets that make U who U R as an individual.

Might buy a bag-o-scraps and open up an etsy store/ebay thrift store. Seems lucrative. Might open a BBQ restaurant.

'Matter can neither be created nor destroyed. It may be rearranged in space, and changed into different types of particles, and utilized to create meaningful arts, crafts, and branded products.'
-God when creating the Bag O Scraps

Previous Am Appy Coverage
[Kanye West Shops at Am Appy] [Am Appy Swine Flu Mask] [Am Appy Black Guy Employee] [Product Packaging Analysis] [Am Appy undies with cock pic] [Afrikaan products at am appy] [Am Appy Products that are easy 2 <3/h8]

Do u have n e good ideas 4 making shit with the 'bag o scraps'?
Do u know if Am Appy cloth is 'the same as a condom' if u wrap it around ur penis and penetrate ur lover?
Does n e 1 know where I can buy Hollistercrombie bags-o-scraps?

As yall know, planning a 'concert/show' is difficult. S0000 many factors+resources+time+energy go into the planning of an event, and that's even before the day of the show. Planning an event/concert/show/live-experience takes the time and dedication of one, or a group of alternative entrepreneurs. It seems like something can 'go wrong' very quickly. Tons of different people/elements can be 'at fault' for a failed event:

• unruly fans
• alcohol + drugs
• bands who 'have an attitude'
• the venue
• governmental restrictions and limitations
• structural collapses of temporary stages
• unqualified staff and security
• Mother Nature
• lack of necessary amenities, such as bathrooms, potable water, and Sparks

It seems like the factor that is most likely to get out of hand is the combination of substance abuse with 'a shit load of people.' It's kinda weird how much 'trust' u must have in humanity in order for an event to go smoothly, both intrinsically and financially. I'm sure yall have been at a concert where 1 unruly bro has been kicked out, and u were sort of relieved. That 1 bro could have ruined the entire experience 4 every1. It seems like if one thing 'sucked', then the 'mob mentality' of tons of fans could cause some sort of 'riot' that ends with a death/buzzkill.

Just read abt 2 failed events due 2 completely different reasons.

Failed Event #1: The Big Valley Jamboree, 2009
It seems like there was some sort of windstorm at a country music festival called 'The Big Valley Jamboree' held somewhere in Canada that likes country music. Apparently the winds picked up, and a stage collapsed, and some1 died. It seems like this video of the wind destroying a music festival is like 'hell on Earth.'

This video seems 'solemn' and 'serious'--like you possibly should not 'make fun' of the event since some1 died, making it an official 'tragedy.' I think if some1 is injured, then it is just an 'accident', but 'death' makes it a tragedy because people united for some fun, but then got something that they weren't expecting. Feel like I'd be bummed/pissed if I went to a music festival, and then Mother Nature 'fucked it up' totally ruining my 'buzz.' I feel like Christians think that 'God makes things happen for a reason', so maybe this was God's way of saying that music festivals are 'terrible ideas.' Wonder if this would have been a 'bigger story' if it happened at Coachella/Lollapally/ACL.

I think every one probably 'deserves a refund', and the event was possibly insured for some sort of disaster like this.

Failed Event #2: HARDfest Summer AltPartie, Los Angeles, 2009

I also read about some event in Los Angeles called HARD. It was apparently shut down by the riot squad because it became a 'huge fire hazard' after unruly teens overran the event. It was held in the basketball arena where Magic Johnson used to play b4 he caught HIV. Tons of relevant electro artists from the year 2k7 were playing to an arena full of California alts + mexitween alts who think that 'everything is a rave' so it seemed like it was destined to end poorly.

It seriously seems like 'hell on Earth.' Like when you are in a position with 'tons of people' who 'feel like they are entitled to something' that is no longer going to manifest itself. Sort of reminds u of when ur a kid and ur somewhere with ur parents, and some sort of 'consumer injustice happens' and an entire room of 30-50 year olds 'stand up for something' and complain to the manager.

It seems overwhelming to have 'grown up' and now be in positions where 'young people'/'alt people' experience 'consumer injustices'

'Consumer injustices.' They seem pretty subjective, I guess. It seems like the 'customer is always right', so it seems like a consumer injustice is likely to happen a lot. It seems like 'dumb people' are the most liberated when they get to 'complain' about being 'fucked over' at a restaurant/store/concert/etc. Like this is 'their time' to fight for justice, or something. I feel like that's why I h8 'dealing with failed consumer experiences' the worst--u have given this sort of 'power' as a 'crusader' to people who only have a high school education.

N e ways, from what I have read, HARD is a Los Angeles 'party' brand that attempted to increase the scale of their production. Instead of being held in some 'vacant lot' where relative tweenlectro chaos could be isolated, they attempted to move into a basketball arena where Magic Johnson used to play. From what I understand, the Great Western Forum is probably just waiting to be torn down since the Staples Center was built and the Lakers moved there. It seems like they probably just hold 'Second Class events' and try to turn a decent profit. It seems like this is the risk of holding a non-mainstream event--u will attract the wrong type of people into your facility, and the even will go horribly wrong.

Seems weird to see alt ppl 'sitting in seats' at an electro event as opposed to 'standing'/'dancing.' They seem to have 'restless leg syndrome.'

Looking into the distance, wondering how much more meaningful their lives' would be if they were 'sitting in the front.'

The desire to not be a 'second class citizen' relegated to the bleachers caused tons of alternative ppl to 'jump down' from the second level, in a quest to put themselves in a position to have a meaningful electro nite.

Because of bros like this, the event was a 'huge disaster' because there was no sense or order/control.  I feel like people who didn't 'get' why you had to go to high school usually have a difficult time understanding 'how to act' in public.  Like their parents never 'scolded them' when they were young for 'running around a restaurant', reinforcing the need to conform for the sake of social order.

After watching this video, u can see how the alternative culture in Southern California 'totally ruined' the event because they had no sense of order. I feel like this would never happen at a predominantly white, college educated Grizzly Bear concert. I think part of the California electro music scene has been 'branded' as 'crazie and out of kontrol', but u can see in this video that they are not meant to attend an event held in a 'real facility.'  It seems like you should put them in some sort of 'field' and just have a huge pool of water for drinking + swimming + using the restroom.

I have heard 'internet rumors' that HARD oversold. Seems like maybe people all got the feeling that they would be 'on the floor' but then had to 'sit in the bleachers' or something. Seems like a 'huge nightmare.' Wish there were just illegal underground parties where people did tons of drugs and listened to 'electronica' or something. It would be an absurd celebration where people dressed in sillie, bright costumes.

It seems like all of the 'evacuated' concert attendees 'milled around' the parking lot, looking to create their own meaningful experience as they rallied around the 'disappointment' and 'hate' of the 'unfair police' who shut that shit down.

Maybe these micro-parties were more 'memorable' than a night where you sit in bleachers watching an electro DJ play from several hundred feet away.  What is an 'authentic experience'?

I feel like the people evacuating at the JAMBOREE Natural Disaster seem 'legitimately panicked' or something, as if their lives' are in danger.

Seems 'drastically different' than the videos of the pissed off electro bros.

It's just so weird, yall. It's like there is this demand for an event that authentically unites people, rallying around the power of music, and ascending to a higher level of consciousness...but u have to pay $15-$35 for it, and then there are all these other fuckheads there. Just wish things happened naturally, like if Deathcabs played in a public space 4 free, and it got viral twitter buzz on the day of the concert.

Have yall ever gone to a concert/festival where 'shit went wrong'?
Whose fault was it?
Did u get a refund?
Can festival brands recover after 1 bad event?
Have concert organizers totally forgotten about 'the consumer'?
Would u be pissed if u died at a music festival?
Does God make things happen 4 a reason?
Do u know how to get an 'internship' with the riot police in Los Angeles?
Should all concerts require riot cops, or is Los Angeles 'more likely to have a riot' since there is so much minority unrest?
Is it a bad idea to go to an event that involves too many 'immature teens+tweens'?
Does every1 deserve a refund when 'something doesn't go ur way'?

U might not recognize this band, because it is the band Blink 182, before they 'blew up like crazy.' (L to R: Travis Barker, Mark Hoppus, Thomas DeLonge)

It's kinda weird these days. I feel bands want to 'make it' in a way that means 'not becoming a huge brand that can sell a bunch of shit to markets that u don't respect.' Whether it is tweens or people over the age of 36 who still buy Green Day albums, it seems like bands want to be 'successful' in a way that is like 'i just want 2 solid albums, and tons of indie cred.'

Feels weird looking at pictures of Blink 182's latest tour. Can't believe they almost 'broke up 4 good.' Seems retarded for these types of megaBands 2 break up 4ever. I think that they make like several hundred million dollars per tour. It seems 'too good to pass up', even if u 'didn't get along with some other bro in ur band.' Wonder if Grizzly Bear / Animal Collective / The Postal Service / Death Cab 4 Cutie will ever 'grow old' with their listeners, and eventually get to play large scale concerts where u overcharge for seats and make tons of money [via selling merch].

Seems lucrative to be Blink 182.

Moms line up with their kids 2 'buy merch.'

Photos via thecobrasnake

Groups of pre-altbros / maltstream teenbros form a deep bond/project their insecurities of 'being left out' by wearing the same shirt.

Tweens text & 'sext' & 'tweet' from ur show.

U have sponsors/an 18 wheeler with ur faces on it

A cellphone company tries to monopolize ur brand/get every1 to enter some text contest.

Tweens photograph u and post pix on the internet

Blink 182 has appealed to the 'Cali Bro' demographic, and bros who dress like 'cali Bros' who aren't from California. Even though they started 'smoking' and 'growing facial hair', they still love what ur band/music means 2 them.

U get to see ur older mexiBro fans mingling with tween girl fans, representing a 'bridge' across race + generation

U get 2 be a 'cool dad' and carry around ur child / human accessory

I feel like I will know I have 'made it' as a band when I play a large-scale outdoor venue, and I watch two shirtless bros embrace one another, as if they have just seen the 'sickest fucking performance' in the history of the concert going experience.

Can't believe Blink 182 has been around for 30 years. I wonder when it is time for a band 2 'hang it up', or is there just '2 much money 2 be made' if you are a respected brand with a tribe of loyal followers/fans who aren't 'connected' enough to find something new 2 enjoy.

Just want to start a band, build an 'insane' business model, and continue to let my brand grow old gracefully, continuing to rake in more money as the years go on.
Maybe the best music in the world appeals 2 the most amount of ppl and we should be happy that the bands that the most people like are the most financially successful. I feel like maybe having a 'strict brand' isn't necessary--maybe ur brand needs to be 'confusing', so that it can appeal to people in multiple demographics who 'don't understand life' and end up trying to 'be kewl' via antiquated methods, such as 'really liking blink182/green day/u2/coldplays.'

Does n e 1 else 'want 2 throw up' when u watch Bruce Springsteen 'perform live'/hear old ppl talk about his 'amazing performance'?

'I guess this is growing up, yall' - the blinking 182times

Photo via BJthePandaBear

I have never climaxed with another human being. I have 'been with people' but I still have never 'came' bc of a vagina, mouth, or bum hole. I mean, I really love the people I've been with, but I'm always just really uncomfortable since we have to 'do it' in public places. I want to make love to some1 in a place where I am comfortable. Really looking forward to my dorm room so that I can bring people home to sleep with.

The truth is, I want to make love to my true lover for the first time on top of an AZN. I was reading in AZNmagazine that utilizing an AZN as a bed/love seat / futon is really effective, and actually helps you thrust into your lover. Whether it is a man or a woman, if you are on top of an AZN, you can reach your lover's gSpot 45% more effectively. I really wanna try it out, yall. Going to IKEA to buy one this weekend. ^_^

I remember in the past, I wanted to buy an AZN, and I came up with 'snarky' descriptions abt what would be the best part about owning an AZN, but I failed to see that human furniture might be a huge trend. I read that in the Bruno film, Paula Abdul utilizes 'filthy mexicans' as furniture or something.

When I start design school, I will find a way to convert humans into functional objects/household tools. From what I understand, our Earth is overpopulated, and there aren't enough jobs. I feel like some ppl should 'find happiness' by doing something simple like 'being a reclining chair', or possibly putting a piece of glass on their back and 'chilling as a dinner table.'

Might get this TV stand, but my HDTV is 'fucking huge' so not sure if that is stable enough.

Would be chill to get a 'bro shelf' but might 'turn ghey' if I see peens too often.

I feel like a human Dorito holder would probably be something that would go well in my apartment.

Just want 2 build a comfortable home, where I feel safe enough to 'climax'/'cum'. ^_^

Previous Posts about Human Trade
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/human-trade

Previous Posts about buying an AZN
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/09/what-would-u-do-if-u-bought-azn-reader.html

Photograph from when my AZN tried to escape and I had to go 'spotlighting' in the wilderness of Los Angeles to try to 'find' (recapture + punish) him

If u could buy 1 piece of human furniture, what race + type of furniture would it be?

Photo by Kurt Christensen via BrookVeeg

I remember when I was a young boy connecting with my father through mainstream interests, we used to attend professional sporting events. At these events, each team had a 'mascot' who intended to get fans 'fired up' about the home team. I'm not sure how much adults enjoy mascots, but I feel like they function as some sort of 'icon' who can get people emotionally involved/invested in the game. They are also to attract 'young fans', inviting them to become a life long member of the team's 'brand', even before the child 'completely understands the rules of the sport.'

It's interesting to see that the band WILCO got a mascot. I think that this means they are a 'huge' band, needing to reach new markets + demographics. A mascot will make Wilco shows more enjoyable, getting people on their feet, and doing things like 'starting the wavve.' I feel like the mascot trend might seem 'cheesy or lame', but I feel like the early adopters to this trend won't feel a backlash. Feel more worried about when indie bands with mascots reaches a 27% saturation rate, and people find it to be inauthentic, instead of whimsical and fun.

Do yall think that mascots are the future of independent music? Do u think that bands should accept their status as 'marketable brands' and create characters that might great assets when it comes 2 spreading their message? Are mascots 'cheesy and mainstream' or marketing tools that are more effective than twitter.

Not sure how 2 feel about the band mascot era. Seems like things are about to get 'mad crazie.'

///////////
Decided to 'brainstorm' mascots for popular indie bands. Let me know if yall have any feedback on these ideas. Some of these are metaphors.

Grizzly Bear

Neon Indian

The Arcade Fire

Deerhunter

Girl Talks

Photo via Chicago Looks

I saw this bro attending a relevant music festival, wearing an NBA basketball player's jersey. Most mainstream bros who wear jerseys are attempting to say 'I am a bro. I like this sport. This player is good.' However, when an alternative person wears a sports jersey, I think that they are just using it to 'stand out' by saying 'Hey yall... not wearing Am Appy... wearing this jersey I know nothing about.'

I think that it is irresponsible to wear the jersey of an athlete who you know nothing about. Much like any celebrity, there is a point where an athlete no longer 'stands for himself' and solely represents an image/brand based on the trajectory of their career. It is easy to wear a Michael Jordan jersey because he represents 'greatness', or a Shaq jersey, because he represents 'twitter', but I am unsure about wearing a Grant Hill jersey, like the bro in the above picture.

In order to understand the bro in the picture, you must understand the career path of Grant Hill, #33 on from the Detroit Pistons.

Grant Hill was an 'All American' athlete who played at Duke. I think that black people who go to Duke are not regarded as 'black people', but more of 'black people that white people can identify with.' I think at this point in his career, he was talented both athletically and mentally.

Grant Hill was drafted by the Pistons, and was a solid professional and a very marketable player.

So marketable that the Pistons even 'changed their uniform design' to reBrand around the Grant Hill era.

Sprite also built 'huge marketing campaigns' around him

He started to experience 'serious ankle problems', but still signed to a 'huge contract' with the Orlando Magic, since Shaquille O'Neal 'fucked them over since he wanted to be a rapper in LA.' Grant Hill was expected to be 'amazing' with fellow NBA player Tracy McGrady; however, both of them just turned out to be injured bros making $100 million.

So Grant Hill never really 'lived up to his potential' because of injuries. He got paid a ton of money, and 'never really panned out.' Eventually he got older+healthier, and signed to the Phoenix Suns. This was a part of his career where he felt like he 'missed out on what made life meaningful', and instead of 'trying to be a superstar, he is just trying to be a 'mediocre role player.'

Grant Hill represents failed expectations, much like the bro in the top picture. Perhaps his parents wanted him to 'be something more', but a series of external factors that he could not control led him to have to 'settle/accept the fact that he is just an average bro.' Once he admitted that he was an average bro, he was able to 'find happiness' and not

Feel like we could all learn a lot from Grant Hill. Maybe life is just about 'settling for less', 'not living up 2 ur potential', and 'accepting who u r.' Sorta wish more athletes represented something like that so that innercity kids could learn more abt 'real life.'

Might just buy this Jersey, since it represents being 'an authentic hip hop mogul.' Think this is what many NBA players are attempting 2 b.

Always do ur research, and learn about what a brand means. It would be like wearing a t-shirt that says 'I <3 cock' even if ur not ghey. Yall know what I mean?

It's kinda hard for music festivals to 'compete' these days. All of them are basically the same, and most of them book the same acts. Music festivals must find effective gimmicks to make consumers feel like they are experiencing an inimitable event, available nowhere else in the universe. Also must make the festival 'look sweet' in pictures so that people who look at pictures think 'wish i could be there... looks totes fun.'

Do u have any solid ideas for what makes a festival 'appear 2 be' hella 'fun'?
Which of these gimmicks 'makes' a music festival better?

Should music festivals go to Home Depot to buy leaf blowers in order to make more 'toilet paper' shooters?

Photos via cobrasnatch

Releasing 'beach balls' to simulate a coastal environment?

Booking a college-themed partie DJ?

Releasing an 'inflatable heart' to represent 'the human spirit'?

Having a 'cityscape' as 'the backdrop' ur music festival [via meaningful setting]?

Would 'free weed' make music fests better?

Have moms of kids who are at the festival host a 'bake sale' to make people feel younger & let moms feel like they are a part of their alternative child's life?

Building a rollercoaster that goes over the mainstage?

Constructing a huge slip n slide for people to 'fuck' and 'grind' on?

Really just want to attend 'the perfect music festival.'

Please share your creative ideas, and other stuff that would make a music festival seem 'hella cool.' Every business is struggling to survive, and business entities must get back in touch with consumers if they want to stay around forever [via govt bailout].

What makes a music festival 'meaningful' 2 u?
If u had millions of dollars to throw a music festival, how would yall 'throw it down'?