Celebrity | Hipster Runoff

Celebrity

ALT HALLOWEEN COSTUMES [ideas by HIPSTER RUNOFF]


What r u going 2 be 4 Halloween?
These are some suggestions 4 relevant alt costumes...

Lana Del Rey

Tips: Make ur hair all pretty, put on tons of makeup, get fake lips/strategically use makeup to make ur lips big and 'pucker up' in every photograph. MUST HAVE BANGIN BOD.

Rapegazer and/or member of Salem

Tips: Dress like modern death, crack pipe burns on face, some sort of 'cross' jewelry

Alice Glass

Tips: skirt, leggings, hoodie, Alice Glass makeup, crowdsurf

Victoria LeGrand of Beach House

Tips: Curly hair/wig, blazer with shoulder pads, potentially have another bro in a huge sweater if u want to be 'Beach House' and not just Vicki

Carles

Tips: Wear an I Am Carles shirt [now available at iamcarles.com]

Deadmau5

Tips: Buy a rat/mouse mask, dress like a DJ

Tyler the Creator

Tips: Wear a SUPREME cap (might be funny if u made ur own), dress like a blipster, act like u 'dont give an eff'

Das Racist

Tips: Requires 3 'ethnic looking bros', dress like 'swaggy rappers' go on bender

Chaz Bundick

Tips: Wear glasses with clear frames, dress like a chill alt bro

Ethan Kath

Tips: Wear hoodie + jacket combo, look scary and unapproachable, bring bleepybloop keyboard with u

Skrillex

Tips: Get Skrillex/Win Butler haircut, glasses with large frames, look like a relevant dubstep DJ

James Blake

Tips: Wear a shirt that says 'I HATE SKRILLEX AND AMERICA'

Bebe Zeva

Tips: Look like a QT, rip off one of her 'signature looks' from her fashion blog [link], copy her eye makeup tutorial

</embed>

Ariel Pink

Tips: Long hair, women's blouse, skinny pants/leggings, clogs, act like a lofi god + free spirit

Christopher Owens (Girls)

Tips: Dress kinda like the Ariel Pink costume

Electro-era Sufjan Stevens

Tips: Wear 'all black', but then go to Office Depot and purchase tons of neon labels, stickers, and tape

Caroline Polachek from Chairlift

Tips: Wear unitard, have BANGIN bod

Jamie xx

Tips: Wear all black, black jacket, black cap

Kickball Katy

Tips: Have red hair, look keut, carry around a guitar, wear shirt that says 'Vivian Girl'

Cults

Tips: Requires Bro + Girl, both have long hair/alternating parts, dress like ur in a buzzband

Donald Glover

Tips: Dress like a blipster/failed rapper

Steve Aoki

Tips: Dress like an alt DJ, prob helps to be AZN, wear long haired wig

Zooey Deschanel

Tips: Wear a cutesy dress, have bangs, blue colored contacts, tons of eyeliner to make ur eyes 'pop', jimmy jangle a tambourine all nite

Regine Chassagne

Tips: Wear some sort of ballerina dress, but maybe also an NBA jersey, bring a spirit ribbon to twirl around

Win Butler

Tips: Get a Skrillex haircut, wear a conceptual denim shirt, hire a ginger bro to follow u around all nite

Ezra Koenig / Vampy Weeks

Tips: Dress 'preppie', wear 'boat shoes', look keut, bring a gaggle of entry-level alt QTs to a Halloween partie with u

Alexis Krauss from Sleigh Bells


Tips: Wear tank top + tube top, leggings, potentially a leather jacket, have bangs, draw on colorful sleeve tat

Lindsay Lohan

Tips: Dress like a hauttie/zombie

Tips: Dress like a ▲.

Tips: Dress like a ✝.

Will u be Carles for Halloween? www.iamcarles.com

What relevant alt celebs r missing from this list?
DO u have any good alt Halloween gimmicks?
WIll mainstreamers know who u r if ur an altceleb?
What r u going to be for Halloween?
A relevant alt celeb?
Something sexie?
Will u enter the HRO HALLOWEEN CONTEST this year?
What are some of ur costume ideas?

Prince of Dubstep Skrillex spotted bronoodling with King of Alt Jared Leto


Jared's VIP Diary - Entry Log Date 00:004:032 044/32/20 AFTER THE DEATH OF CHRIST (AKC - AFTER KURT COBAIN)

I met Skrillex today. Yes, he was intimidated by me, not just because I was wearing some sort of samurai ninja dress, but because I am Jared Leto, King of Alt. I am familiar with his status as the Prince of Dubstep. He rules one of the regions of my alt kingdoms, a thriving dubstepian region that lays beyond the RapeGaze Swamplands, but above the pampa that the White Man's Indie Suburbs have overtaken.

It is beautiful to see all of my Alt Lands. Floating down the steampunk river, beyond the indie rap Badlands, making our way into the LoFi Mountains. This is our beautiful land, and I am honored to have Skrillex leading the developing country of Dubstepia as the Prince of Dubstep. There are many important internal policy issues that this developing nation shall have to make. Healthcare, glowstick assistance for the poor, crowd control issues--they are facing a unique set of problems. The diversity of Dubstep Nation makes them a peaceful people.

Difficult times call for difficult decisions that will shape the future of the Electro Continent. God bless you, Prince Skrillex of the Dubstepian tribe. May your region thrive, see an economic festival rave boom, and may your electro tariffs and taxes fund the next great Renaissance in all of Alt. It is time for us to give up on the dying White Man's Indie.

I am Jared Leto. King of Alt.

You live in my Altopia?

You're welcome,
Jared

Jared Leto

Actor, Buzzband

Jared Leto is an alternative actor, and the lead singer of the band 30 Seconds to Mars.

Read more>>>>

Skrillex

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Skrillex is a popular dubstep DJ who is arguably the #1 alt DJ in the world.

Read more>>>>

INDIE GONE MAINSTREAM: GRAMMY 2K11 RECAP

Another year, another crappy awards ceremonies where mainstream celebs try to throw down memes that get blogged about as indie music fans 'wish for' acceptance from mainstreamers. But this year, indie 'finally got recognized' and now every1 has mixed feelings. Seems like it is just time 2 start consuming indie + mainstream music 'side-by-side.'

2k11: The Year of the ArFi

"We did it." -the Arcade Fire
arcade fire grammy win on stage regine

Here is the moment where Barbara Streisand announces that they won and Win is like "What the Hell?" Kinda pissed at him for thanking Canada even though he is from Houston and the Suburbs of America are what inspired him 2 write this album. Really an unchill move by him.

</embed>

Also Regine babbled something in French. Sorta needs to realize how 2 respect America + the American indie dream.

"Ur telling me the ginger bro gets his own Grammy statue? I thought they got 1 and they had 2 share it."

They 'hid' Regine on drums, which was probably a good call instead of letting her sing Sprawl II and ruining any opportunities they had 2 convert new fans.

Here is the Arcade Fire performing "Month of May" as sweet ass BMX bikers ride around on stage. Wonder if this is some sort of co-branding with the X-Games or something. If the Arcade Fire hadn't won Album of the Year, this would have set indie back at least 30 years.

///just wanna ride my BMX trick bike
///out of suburbia
</embed>

Really felt like at that point Arcade Fire 'wasnt gonna win shit' bc they were marginalized the a crappy BMX helmet cam gimmick, but after the win of Esperanza Spalding, u know that 'the academy' was ready to vote for alt picks.

'At least it provided a great moment for Win + Regine's relationship.'

Not sure if this is Win Butler or a member of Slipknot
win butler slipknot hair

...yeah... yalls sex is on fire...

Anyways, the only other indie thing 2 happen at the Grammies was the Vampire Weekends showing up and losing
vampire weekend at the grammys

And Zooey Deschanel showed up without Ben Gibbard (trouble in paradise)?
zooey deschanel grammies


Let's move forward with mainstream celeb sightings + commentary...

SLUTWAVE COVERAGE

...because America <3s boobs, asses, nips, and vag-es....

Lady Gaga showed up in some egg
Lady Gaga egg grammys

Lady Gaga rode slutwaves during some live performance of her new song. Came out of an egg.
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Here is Lady Gaga coming out of her egg.

Here she is winning an award but no1 cares abt what she is saying because we already saw what she is wearing

'We get it. Ur zany. Kewl.' [via dick tracy]

Katy Perry: I wish I arrived in an egg.

Katy Perry: I wish I had integrated an egg in2 my performance

Miley Cyrus parties with a bro who fingerbanged her later in the nite

Rihanna Riding mad slutwaves in a recycled Christmas tree dress

Rihanna trying 2 make Chris Brown jealous bc he knows Drake 'already hit that.'

Wish Xtina Aguilera 'cared abt her career' as a slutwaver and lost 20 lbs and got drrrty again instead of going for the 'BBW Aretha Franklin vibes' [via Jimmy John's late nite sub snacks]

Nicki Minaj tries 2 ride slutwaves but will nvr be as 'hot' as Rihanna / Beyonce

Oprah tries 2 rebrand as a slutwaver

Hayley Williams from Paramore dresses like a skank because she doesn't know the difference between 'pseudo-real' awards shows and the MTV family of Awards shows

TWEEN COVERAGE

...because Justin Bieber is one of the most famous ppl on the planet ever...

Here is Justin Bieber letting Will Smith's son rap on his song. Unfortunately, Jaden Smith can't rlly rap as well as his father [via Gettin Jiggy Wit It]

CONTINUE READING THE HRO GRAMMY RECAP>>>>

Arcade Fire

Buzzband

The Arcade Fire is a 2k0s indie band that went mainstream because their songs sound like meaningful anthems. They pretend to be Canadian but Win Butler (lead singer) is actually from Houston, TX.

Read more>>>>

Is Elin Kastlander of the jj the next big female indie sex icon?


Lately, I've been rlly in2 Elin Kastlander
Her buzzband the jj is pretty 'whatever' sounding
but I can't help but see oodles of indie potential within her
like she can maybe become 'the next Bjork'
if she just wears zany enough shit
and if her band keeps making 'weird, conceptual' music videos

Just saw their new music video, and it rlly seems like they are
trying to elevate jj's personal brands
Elin is singing all sad in a church
Doing some 'acting'

Really feel like my crush on Regine might be 'done'
And I need to move on to a new 'hot piece of indie a$$'
Elin might be the one...

U look beautiful
So close up

"I want to kiss you" -Joe Namath

Long, curly hair
Blonde
beautiful face
beautiful voice
beautiful on the inside and out

Ur voice is beautiful
U 'bring it' in the live setting
I wanna b with u

Dont rlly mind the 'other bro' in their band either
He seems 'chill', like he knows the band belongs 2 Elin

I'll never forget the time u 'covered' Nirvana's hit song "Lithium"
That was 1 of the first songs I learned on guitar
but u know, u added ur own thang 2 it
and I respect that

Can't stop thinking abt u
and maybe I can quit my mediocre American desk job
and move 2 Sweden with u
and I can help ur band somehow

Honestly, u kinda remind me of the Pigeon Lady from Home Alone 2

And I feel like I am Kevin McAllister
Getting 2 be with u
grow with u
learn abt life + the true spirit of indie

Oh Elin...
U turn the world on with ur smile

(plz ignore the 2 eyeball fucking members of The xx in the background)

Who is the #1 indie songstress in female music?
R u still crushing hard on Vicki LeGrand?
Is Alice Glass gonna be 'replaced'?
Do u still want to make luv 2 Bethany?
Is Regine still ur '#1 indie QT'?
Will the jj make 'the leap' to relevant alt indie band, or will they just be placed in the Salem-esque 'no1 understands why they are considered 2 be relevant, but it is just funnie 2 keep blggng abt them' category?
Does the jj 'effing blow'?
Do u <3 Elin bc there is 'more 2 luv'?
Can Elin brand herself as 'the next Beth Ditto' if she plays up the 'size doesn't matter' gimmick and gains 100 more pounds?
Which was the most authentic Home Alone movie?

Goodbye...Regine

U'll always be like the wind... [link]

U, Win Butler.
U Win, Butler.
U Won Regine.
U Won, Win.
Win, U Won.
Win Butler, U Won Regine
Regine, FTW
Regine is For The Win

-Carles accepting that Regine will nvr belong 2 him

Do yall <3 Elin?
Can Elin become 'grade A indie songstress a$$'?

Oh Elin...

Photo by PIMPUMPAM

jj

Buzzband

jj is some indie band that remixes popular mainstream hiphop songs and sings weird lyrics over them and for some reason is 'critically acclaimed.'

Read more>>>>

"I'm Back." -Deakin

In 2006, Deakin left Animal Collective due to mysterious, unknown reasons. Today, Deakin rejoined the band. This is his official press release/letter to the fans + indiesphere.

Hi guys

It's me
The Deak

The Deak is back
I know AnCo sucked pretty hard when I left the band
making that poopy album Merriweather Post Pavillion
But it's chill

I'm back
I know every1 was missing the Deak
I bring a lot to the table
Way more than Panda and Avey (especially Geo)

It's gonna be great to be back in the team environment
collab-ing on some music
I had a really great run as a solo artist
But it's time to take my talents to AnCo
[via The_Decision]

Maybe I never realized how good I had it
I didn't see what the band could become
Let's get serious
Never thought this many people would actually like our music

So weird what the AnCo brand has become without me
It's weird to think abt what it would have become if I had stayed in the band

Honestly I am a pretty far out dude
and I gotta admit, most of the stuff I'm doing is really random
a lot of guessing and checking
have no idea what I'm doing

I feel like the band will finally sound a lot better now that I'm back though
Feel like MPP was 'missing something'
Most of the songs sound rlly 'incomplete' 2 me
All AnCo sounds sound better with a touch of Deak

It's cool that I took a break
got to do my own thing
Still got to bang tons of entry level anco broads
who were like 'did u write the song My Girls?'
and I was just like 'yeah'
even though that song kinda sucked, honestly
But at least I got my "D" "S-ed"

The Deak is back in town
and I hope u bitches are ready 2 get ur mind blown
Honestly was difficult because I was kicked out of the band
due to internal conflict with 1 of the members

but srsly though
those dudes missed me
I am great for team chemistry
and pull the best 'jackass' style pranks on the road

U shoulda heard all of the messages they left me every week
begging me to join them on tour
Those dudes know they can't live without me
I'm the fucking Deak

Noah, Dave, Brian...
I'm back, bitches
and we're gonna turn this ship around
No offense, you guys have done a deece job
but shit is gonna get serious
No more fucking around like yall usually do

Get your fucking popcorn ready.
The Deak is back.

Your favourite indie celebrity,
Josh "Deakin" Dibb

***********
Do u think it is chill that Deakin is back in AnCo?
Was he an important member of AnCo?
Will Panda sit out of the next AnCo touring cycle?
Should Geo, Pand and Avey have 'manned up' and said 'listen bro--we're just fine without u'?
Do u know why Deakin left Animal Collective?
Does the universe seem 'right' now that AnCo is a 'four man outfit' again?
Does Deakin seem 'like an a-hole' or 'the ultimate chill bro'?

Cheer Up, Andrew VanBroGardyn

Photo via Brooklyn Vegan by Tim Griffin


Cheer up, Andrew VanWyngarden!
#itgetsbetter, I promise
I know ur still bummed about Congratulations
but it doesn't mean u have to get all mopey

U look cold and distant
U look dead on the inside
like u r 'totally over' the indie scene
like u don't care what the blogosphere thinks abt u
but maybe u do
maybe u don't
only the Indie God knows

Listen, maybe I was hard on u
Maybe the album isn't even that bad
maybe I finally 'get it'
maybe u were right
maybe it will be the album of the year
maybe

let's try to think about some positives to cheer u up
Remember ur album art? That was a pretty cool meme...

U have a major label record deal
U can make another album and u have our attention
That's not a bad thing

A lot of ppl will be waiting for u to fail
so maybe if u exceed their limited expectations
U will be perceived as a 'huge success'
'rebounding from a disaster'
'getting ur swag back'

Cheer up bro.
Ur depressing me, for real.

U don't have 2 play "KIDS" any more, okay?
We get it
u h8 that song
but don't just 'half ass it' on stage in a resentful way.
kinda harsh

</embed>

Maybe u can 'rearrange' the song
make it all depressing + boring + unapproachable or something
I know it is difficult to write a perfect song
similar to the Eagle's "Hotel California"

Just want u 2 cheer up
Life's not too bad.
Don't give up
#it_gets_better



Loosen up, bro
Unbutton that top button
and just learn to <3 life again
learn to <3 the power of buzz

Some people would give anything 2 be where u r right now
Cheer up broski.
#itgtsbttr
Cheer up, Andy VanBroGarden!

Can MGMT 'revive' their careers?
Is Andrew VanWynGarden depressed?
Do u think MGMT is 'happy' or 'sad' on the inside?
Do u think KIDS.mp3 is the best indie song of all time?
What is next for MGMT?
Is Andy VanWyny a total QT?
Do u have any advice for depressed members of buzzbands?
Are depressed ppl in buzzbands 'effing spoiled'?
Would u ever be depressed if u were in an authentic/well-monetized buzzband?

Thinking abt my humanitarian personal brand


Thinking abt my personal brand
and how I am growing older
and Am Appy / plaid shirts
Zany headbands
Fly ass sneakers
and bloggable jeans
no longer take my prsnl brnd to 'such great heights'

Feel like I need to become a 'cool dad'
a free-spirted mom
a high bloggable parent
Who does more than just 'squirt out a few kids'
that were generated from my own seed/egg

Just want to adopt an American-born child
Let every1 know that I understand there is are emerging population issues

Not sure if I vibe that hard 2 importing kids
There's plenty of kids who need homes in America
and are pretty comparable to foreign kids
just as long as they are immersed in American society

I think abt how sweet and bad ass my life has been
No real problems, got to focus on social aspects of life
and not rlly any expectations 2 'be something great'
so it would be chill if I was able to raise some kids
that vibed out to my same American dream

Just want every1 to see my skin
then see the skin of my child
and be like "Damn. He is a good person. Because the baby has dark skin, they were probably 'rescued' from a dire situation. Wish I had the energy/financial resources 2 save some1. Instead, I am focused on raising kids with the same skin colour as me who don't appreciate it."

Just need 2 rebrand rlly bad
do something more meaningful with my life
because it seems like I'll never be in a buzzband
I'll never find an authentic partner
I'll never do anything buzzworthy with my life
Maybe it's time to 'pull a Sandra Bullock' [via the Blind Side]
and ride the Brangelina wave
Get serious abt life

Do u think adoption is chill?
Is adoption 'authentic' or do u prefer ur own seed?
Are there 'population issues' [via over-crowding]?
Should Americans only be allowed to have 1 child per household so we don't drain our corn / powdered milk reserves?
Is carrying a coloured/foreign child a 'great personal branding strategy'?
Did Sandra Bullock's career 'go down the shitter' after SPEED?

Can Regine Chassagne of the Arcade Fire become ‘the next female indie sex icon’?

Photos by SPIN

Oh Regine Chassagne I don&#39;t know much abt u but know ur the girl from the Arcade Fire Have had my eye on u for a while Regine... Not even sure how to pronounce ur name but getting rlly in2 u Oh Regine... Sometimes I see u on stage, jimmy jangling a tambourine Other times u will playing some sort of weird accordian instrument ur super enigmatic Like a &#39;foreign chick&#39; at college who all the bros &#39;want&#39; Sometimes I wonder if u r kinda like if the Beatles had let Yoko Ono in2 the band and Yoko would have had the chance to prove that she &#39;can ball over all&#39; and make the band way more authentic / help them to write better songs evolve into a &#39;global indie brand&#39; Wonder if the Beatles missed out/coulda stayed together if they let Yoko in2 the band. Feel like maybe the Arcade Fire would be 100% better / 100% worse with/without Regine Oh Regine... Ur kinda cute Ur from Haiti, right? U kinda remind me of a mix of Feist, Alice Glass, Zooey Deschanel, Bethany Cosentino, Ke$ha and some1 else that is hot/ post-hot in an alt kind of way Regine... Can&#39;t believe Win Butler married u He&#39;s lucky But at the same time, kinda wonder if he regrets not getting to &#39;bang&#39; tons of indie skank road ass If u have Regine U don&#39;t need entry level skanks who &#39;love ur music&#39; U already have The Regine Really interesting that they let you sing lead vocals "Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)" &#39;arguably&#39; the best song on the album THE SUBURBS

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Can&#39;t tell if ur voice can really &#39;hold up&#39; Part of me wants Win 2 sing that song but maybe it was his gift to u to let u into this buzzband Regine... I believe I could slot u into any band and make them sexier/more relevant Regine--I believe in u Oh Win How did u do it? U started the #1 indie rock band in the history of the world and u got Regine Ur a lucky man U deserve it What I wouldn&#39;t give 2 wake up in neighborhood #3 in the suburbs with Regine Oh Regine Been watching u so closely from the very beginning Ur more than just a female multi-instrumentalist U r &#39;the glue&#39; of the Arcade FireAfter the M.I.A. anti-ginger wave really don&#39;t like the ginger guy who &#39;bangs on shit&#39; No way that dude is &#39;the glue&#39; of the Arcade Fire U gotta give it up 4 my girl Regine Oh Regine let&#39;s just go back to our childhood homes in suburbia and throw molotov cocktails at houses / cars we&#39;ll start a buzzband and write an album about &#39;rising above&#39; my suburban past Honestly not even sure who is &#39;in&#39; the Arcade Fire Who actually &#39;has equity&#39; in the band and who is just a &#39;hired gun&#39; to &#39;fill basketball arenas&#39; with sound Not sure who that other non-Regine girl but she is kinda keut (But she is no Regine) Oh Regine... Oh Regine... Regine Regine Regine... Might give up on Alice Glass and put &#39;all of my eggs&#39; in the Regine Chassagne basket Do u <3 Regine? Is Regine way better than Best Coast? Is Regine the &#39;Yoko Ono&#39; of indie music? Could u slot Regine into any indie band and make them more relevant? Do u crush harder on Regine or Zooey Deschanel? Should Regine &#39;go solo&#39; and ride the slutwave? Is Regine mad talented, or &#39;just along for the ride&#39;? Behind every great man, is there a great woman? Or behind every successful woman, is there a man making decisions/pressing buttons? Is there something about Regine? Who is the current &#39;sexiest woman alive&#39; in indie music? <3 indie vagine

Arcade Fire

Buzzband

The Arcade Fire is a 2k0s indie band that went mainstream because their songs sound like meaningful anthems. They pretend to be Canadian but Win Butler (lead singer) is actually from Houston, TX.

Read more>>>>

Regine Chassagne

Alternative Celebrity

Regine Chassagne is wife of Win Butler. Many say she should be kicked out of the Arcade Fire because she has a terrible voice.

Read more>>>>

A list of people on the cover of the new Sufjan Stevens EP

Sufjan Stevens recently released the hit indie EP, The All Delighted People EP. A lot of people have been emailing me, asking, "Yall who is on the cover of the Sufjy EP? So many faces... Just wish I could figure it out. Seems like it might tell the complex story of Sufjan Stevens' life. Wonder if it explains who he is as a musician/indie buzzband/human being."

Who are all of these bros on the Sufjan Stevens EP cover?


1. Sufjan's ethnic maid who cleans out his buzzband loft space
2. Goth teen who Sufjan befriended Sufjy outside of a Hot Topic in 2k6
3. Sufjan's high school photo. What a dork, yall!
4. The leader of Sufjan's parent's Christian militia cult
5. Sufjan's landlord. Kinda helped him out a lot b4 he got rich.
6. Christian Bale
7. Guy who Sufjan used to 'play hookie from school' with
8. Jeff's first AZN friend
9. Jonny Taylor Thomas [via JTT]
10. The guy who fixes Sufjan's lil yellow van that he purchased after Little Miss Sunshine
11. The first 'pair of titties' that Sufjan fondled during adolescence
12. The first 'grown up' that Sufjan
13. Lenny Kravitz
14. Sufjy's All-State insurance broker
15. the CEO of bandcamp.com
16. Sufjy's first twink that he keeps enslaved in his 'sex dungeon'
17. David Duchovny, star of the X-Files
18. the Hit MP3 'I want to Fly Away' by Lenny Kravitz
19. the cast of the Golden Girls
20. Prostitute / P.O.W. who saved Sufjan's life during Vietnam
21. Sufjan's first illegitimate son, Sufjan Jr.
22. Sufjan's first illegitimate daughter, Sufjette
23. Sufjette Jr. the III
24. Another 'roadie' claims this is his child. Has not taken paternity test yet
25. A child that Sufjan abducted from a local McDonalds playground
26. Erotic porn star from the 1990s who took Sufjy's 'beating off' virginity
27. Sufjan's college dorm Resident Adviser. Was super chill abt 'drinking' in the dorm room
28. Chris Martin from Coldplay, huge influence
29. Sufjan's step-sister who his stepdad forced on this cover
30. Sufjan's domineering father
31. Sufjan's dad's mistress who he left his mom for and married
32. Dude from Pete & Pete
33. a young Bobby DeNiro
34. Local AZN dry cleaning bro
35. Dry cleaners AZN employee. 'Light on the starch' -sufjy's pants
36. 14 year old sniper who Sufjan was forced to murder during Vietnam to prove to his brigade that he awas a 'real man' who hated commies.
37. Class Bully who made Sufjy's life hell in middle school
38. Jeff Goldblum
39. Sufjette IV (illegitimate child)
40. Guy who Sufjan used to emotionally bully
41. Young Santa Clause
42. Sufjan's high school music teacher
43. Guy who Sufjan got 'experimental' with at band camp
44. A 'fuck doll' who Sufjan treated like a real human for _ years.
45. Sufjan's favorite casserole
46. Sufjan's life coach
47. Sufjan's Grandma
48. Sufjan's angsty teen little brother who the entire family is 'somewhat ashamed of'
49. Sufjan's grandfather who gave him his first banjo
50. The bass player from Vampire Weekend
51. Emerill (Sufjan loves the Food Network)
52. Pat Tillman (R.I.P.)
53. One of the Golden Girls again
54. Guy who Sufjan Stevens stole his first songs from
55. Another road baby (so hard 2 be an indie musician)
56. Leonardo Di Caprio--Sufjan's biggest celebrity crush
57. Noah Lennox (Panda Bear
58. Guy who made Sufjan's myspace layout
59. Bam Margera (Sufjan was an original cast member of Jack Ass)
60. Santa Clause 'fuck doll'
61. Serial Killer
62. indie stalker who won't leave Sufjy alone
63. A cool dad from Pavement
64. Sufjan's Weed dealer
65. The girl who runs the Sufjan Stevens Unofficial twitter account
66. Son who is Sufjan recently found out was 'not his' after going on Maury Povich
67. The bass player from the Strokes
peen: Sufjan's erect peen in some cute lil shorty shorts
68. an NBA Basketball player, possible LeBron James
69. 90210 Cast member
70. a ninja
71. hornie bro
72. hornie bro spread eagle
73. Sufjan's son with his first wife
74. AZN guy who gets Sufjan black market audio equipment/cute, fake designer purses
75. Sufjan's old hunting buddy
76. Guy who works at AT&T store
77. Newborn illegitimate son
78. Guy who owns Sufjan's fave organic California-style burrito restaurant
79. Deakin from AnCo
80. Johnny Knoxville
81. Illegal immigrant who Sufjan employed for 2 years before she was deported when he outsourced banjo work
82. Kim Kardashian--Sufjy <3s junk tv
83. woman from Sufjan's cult
84. Kid who wandered into the Sufjan compound, not sure who he is
85. Kid A
86. 2 many kids, yall
87. The dictator of South Korea
88. Daniel Gill, CEO of Forcefield PR
89. Samuel L Jackson
90. Sufjan's dental hygienist
91. Mark Zuckerberg
92. the cobrasnake bro
93. Photographer teen who travels with Sufjy cuz he ran away from home
94. Aunt Jemimah--Sufjy <3s pancakes
95. Youth group leader from Sufjan's teen church with modern themes
96. The lady who taught Sufjan how 2 play banjo
97. Tonya Harding
98. Sufjan XXI
99. Guy who is plotting the assassination of Sufjan
100. An 'effing hipster' who Sufjan is making fun of
101. One of Sufjan's three wives and five husbands [via progressive cult]
102. Sufjanito
103. Jack Black--Sufjy <3s Tenacious D song structures
104. Unidentified AZN man
105. Sufjan's Body Guard
106. The World's youngest Sufjan fan
107. bro who has the flu

Do yall know who any of these people are?
Did I miss any1/mis-identify some1?

Just wanna get to know to know Sufjan... Maybe his stories are in his music, but 'wanna get to know more abt him' so I can determine whether or not I wanna ride the folkwave with him. Seems like a 2k5-2k7 type of genre, but Sufjan might be so keut and dreamy that I will look into his eyes and get swept away (as opposed to some bro with a mangled beard).

Do u think this album cover tells his life story?
If u made a collage of people in ur life, would it have 500+ people or 1-10 people?
R u disappointed by this EP, or are u gonna ride his folkwave?
Does Sufjan Stevens have a 'high level' personal brand, or do u want him to develop a little bit more as a human meme indie celeb? Should he start a twitter or something? [via M.I.A. theory]

Do yall like Sufjan's collage on his album art, or do u wish he had a chillwave jacuzzi party with a bunch of 'underaged kids' + a collective of animals, similar to the cover of Panda Bear's Person Pitch? (Wonder if these are Noah Lennox's illegitimate kids).

Do yall know if more indie celebs have illegitimate road children (similar to professional athletes), or do the girls who have the babies 'abort' because they know buzzband members usually aren't rich?

The World's Biggest Lady Gaga Fan: SHANNON GAGA UNCOVERED

Have u met Shannon Gaga? She is arguably the world's biggest Lady Gaga fan.

Shannon Gaga: The Dead End of Western Civilization

An In Depth Profile Piece by Carles, freelance journalist and Editor N Chiefs of HRO blog

In a previous article of writing, I asked the world, "Who is the world's biggest Lady Gaga fan?" I wanted to know about a fan who completely outsourced her personal brand to Lady Gaga. Who had the balls to become 'more than just a fan', completely dedicating her life to Lady Gaga. What fan truly 'gets' Lady Gaga and has become an unofficial spokesperson for Lady Gaga?

Meet Shannon Gaga. More than just any other Lady Gaga Fan.

Some say she is 'completely out of touch with reality', but her new found fame will have her coming into a living room near u on ur television sets. She is an avalanche, picking up steam, rolling down the pop culture mountain ready to slam in ur face.

The story of Shannon Gaga is about a girl from Corpus Christi, TX, who evolved out of her cocoon into a beautiful butterfly, all by being exposed to the positive female messages transmitted by the art of Lady Gaga.

It all started with 1 lofi vlog in the dorm room of Shannon Annette Cantu's Texas State University dorm room, but through months of hard work and tons of high level exposure, it has become something more than just a youtube sensation or a story of the week. She is truly an individual who is also a lot like Lady Gaga.

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Eventually, she became a bonafide super fan celebrity. She decided to take her brand to the next level by making a series of sexy videos and doing live performances around town. Her confidence grew with each show, and brought us modern marvels, like this video, where she rolls around on a campus volleyball court, pretending that the sand is a sexy beach, forming Gaga-esque sexy vibes for all of us to be inspired by.

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Understanding Shannon Gaga is about as complex as understanding the Real Lady Gaga. Here is Shannon Gaga's manifesto, taken from her blog:

Manifeso

People are wondering who is "Shannon Gaga?" But that remains to be said. People have asked me 'Why Lady Gaga? What makes you so interested in her?' She inspired me. She changed me. I looked at my old journals, my old life and some old pictures and say, 'How did this happen?' Why didn't I choose Britney or when I was younger do Hilary Duff (which was a long time ago). Because GaGa did what she did. She changed me. As the song from Wicked says, "I have been changed for good..." I am sure, that whoever reads this, is either a fan or a hater. Haters-I don't think you "hate" me. We just use that word now. In fact, most of you probably dislike something about me. Maybe that I'm a big girl. Maybe that I like Lady GaGa a lot. Maybe that I love to perform and not ashamed. I'm pretty certain there are some that dislike me, because they disliked me in high school. They didn't know who I was. I just was a student at King High School. Or maybe I was smarter than you or something else. Who knows? I'm certain that if I just went to class, like Comm 1310 or something, and did 'normal' stuff. I'm pretty sure, you'll not like me either way. I am living life to the fullest. Some of you don't understand me. Well, I am a complex person. I think differently than most people, I now VERBALIZE my emotions more, and even though I may seem shy and weak every now and then. There's a tough girl behind that sweet, innocent facade. You know what? I'm doing this for fame or attention. I don't care about fame or money anymore. Fame, is something that just happened along the way. Fame is a ride-sometimes smooth like on a road, and sometimes it an emotional roller coaster-with jerks and twists and turns. And money, that's just whatever. Yes, I need money (as we all do) but it's not everything to me. Or fame. I never expected anything like this to happen. So, if you're reading this, you will know more of me. I usually give people changes-I try not to judge people. I don't care about what race you are or your sexuality or your size. Those are just labels. You all, have your ideas, of normal, and sometimes normal isn't good enough for anyone. But remember, I am Shannon Annette Cantu "Gaga" and I am proud of who I am. And whether I'm famous or not, whether I'm fat, skinny, big-boobed, or whatever, you can't change that. And Gaga, if you ever read this, I hope you learned something about me. Just like you taught me about you.
Love Shannon "Gaga" Cantu, Princess Monster

In addition, here is a selected tweet from her twitter account, @ShannonGaga20

It seems like Shannon Gaga has truly become a top tier celebrity, soon to get a record deal and end up on MTV. Fans seem to have a natural affinity towards her story. She is an artist of the people, inspired by true life and real sexual desires.

Shannon Gaga is more than just another fan. She is not just a 'Little Monster', which is what Lady Gaga calls her fan. She is a big monster, and a force to be reckoned with.

It seems like she has become a micro celebrity in the San Marcos / Austin central Texas scene. In this video, members of the campus community react to her brand since they see her wearing Gaga gear all around campus. Some say that she is truly a free spirit. Others claim that she is 'borderline retarded', and doesn't realize that people are only really laughing at her.

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Just watched her get interviewed by a local radio show. They seem to keep 'cyber bullying her' about her weight, and ask her why she is wearing such a slutty dress, even though she is a massive human being. Then she gives an inspired live performance, showcasing her true vocal talents.

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Does Shannon Gaga fail to 'get it', or do we fail to 'get' Shannon Gaga?

What 'relationship nickname' should we use when we refer to WAVVES and Best Coast?


I remember when 'Bennifer' was invented, the greatest nickname in the history of celebrity relationship. It really drove up the demand to give a 'short nickname' to every couple just to save headline space.

Feel like more alt celebrities need better nicknames. As a member of the alternative media, I want to do more to 'make sure they get press' for being in a relationship with another indie artist. Sorta wonder why more

I remember when Agyness Deyn and Albert Hammond Jr were dating.

Wonder what Ben Gibbard + Zooey Deschanel's nickname should be.

I feel like WAVVES + Best Coast are the 'new alt celeb couple that every1 is talking about.' People love to get caught up in the spirit of an indie relationship. We imagine them sitting in their apartment, blazing, writing love songs, and being just like normal ppl, except with tons of blog indie cred. Sorta wish I had a chill ass GF/BF who was an indie star. Feel like no1 else would understand my life.

What should be the relationship nickname of WAVVES + BEST COAST?

a) WAVVES BEST COAST
b) BEST WAVVE
c) WAVVES ON THE COAST
d) WAVVCOAST
e) COAST BEST WAVVING
f) BESTT RRELAISH
g) GETTIN HI 2GTHR
h) WAVVES CRASHING AGAINST THE COAST
i) BLAZE BROS
j) FUZZY BUZZY COUPLE
k) WHEN I'M WITH WAVVES
l) DROPPING POST ACID
m) EFF YALL
n) BETHANY CONSENWAVVEBRO
o) Choose.Ur.Own.Response

Do u 'care' about this relaish?
Do u think their albums will 'deliver'?
What is a good name that represents their relaish?
It is a good idea for them to ride their relationship meme to 'get more press'?
What happens if one of their albums is better than the other 1s? Will there be 'trouble in paradise'?
Do u think WAVVES bro bought some new furniture at IKEA with his Mountain Dew money?
Should more alt celebs get into relationships with other alt celebs to 'generate more press'?
Should they 'write a duet', creating an mp3 that helps the indie blogosphere understand what indie love is?

Best Coast

Buzzband

Best Coast is a fuzzy buzzy band that sings abt dank, California, boys, and kitty cats

Read more>>>>

Wavves

Buzzband

WAVVES is a fuzzy buzzy buzzband that sings about aliens, marijuana and being a failure in life but laughing abt it because u r high.

Read more>>>>

Name that altceleb lookalike (Grandma Edition)

Name that Alternative Celebrity LookAlike is a fun gimmick game where u see a picture of a normal alternative person who looks kinda like a famous alternative buzz artist or musician. Can u guess who this old lady kinda looks like?

Photos via Hel Looks


She looks really familiar...can't quite put my finger on who she reminds me of... this is rlly driving me crazie.  plz help

Hints:

  • She is in a buzzband from the UK with 2 letters
  • She is an 'it girl'
  • She is part of a Canadian hardcore 8bit duo
  • She is 'sexie'
  • She formerly dated one of the Strokes
  • Her family was featured in an MTV reality show in the late 1980s.
  • She can play the harp
  • She is married to Ben Gibbard
  • She is on a Bravo TV show
  • she is in a band, but has also been on magazine covers.
  • She is the world's 7th iPad DJ
  • she sometimes DJs topless
  • She was recently hired by Mountain Dew to make a few mp3s that taste like soda

The person who correctly identifies the alternative celebrity will receive a free Genre Shirt from the I AM CARLES store.

Who do yall think she looks like?

Alice Glass

Alternative Celebrity

Alice Glass is the lead singer of Crystal Castles. She is known for her KrAzY onStAgE aNtiCs.

Read more>>>>

New M.I.A. song about hating / wanting to kill gingers

Hey yall. After watching M.I.A.'s music video about h8ing gingers, and wanting to wipe them off the planet [link], I decided to guess the lyrics to a song that she might write about how she wants to wipe every famous and non famous red headed person from our Earth.

Killin Em Gingas

written by Maya Arulpragasam (stage name: M.I.A.)

[gun shots]
[sounds of people running + violence]

Gingas, Gingas
Boom boom ba boom le beeem
Gonna shoot up your bitch asses
even u Carrot Top

Give food and money to the poor
US Government is bullshit faggts
Fuck the UK government too
gotta rid the Earth of Prince Harry and his ginga ass

Lady Di and Prince Charles
paparazzi crash
bitches and ho's

[gun shots]

Molly Ringwald.
Boom. Ur Dead

Danny Bonnaduce gonna get taken down
boom

Lindsay Lohan. u better dye ur hair bitch

Gingas Gingas
Fallin down
boom shacka lacka
we takin down da government
burnin down da white haus

tweet boom tweet boom ba boom

Ariel from Little Mermaid
gonna drown the mutha fuckin ginger
in a sea of bullets
cartoon violence in real life

gonna strangle Shaun White with his gold medals
snow boardin ain't a real sport

Julianne Moore gonna go down
Big Lebowski ass bitch
gonna get boom de boomed

X files Lady gonna disappear
Gingers be goin down gingers be down down

Eric Stoltz in the movie Mask
ur the 1 I'm gonna take down

Gingas Gingas
Crash like paper planes
Put gingers in internment camps
and execute them
1 by 1
or in a gas chamber

Danny Bonaduce roid rage

Gonna take u down like the lil ginger bitch u r inside
boom boom cmon cmon de boom


CONTINUE READING this anti-ginger manifesto

Are the Grammys honoring 'good, indie music', or is it 'the same old industry machine circle jerk'?

Yesterday was a popular awards show called 'The Grammys.' From what I understand, this awards system is supposed to 'award' the best music of the year. It seems like it is some sort of 'system to perpetuate the popularity + album sales of the same artists/labels/bands/etc.'

As I have read alternative coverage of the Grammys/all mainstream award shows, it seems like these are the 'prevalent themes.'
Indie music 'has arrived.'
The Grammys aren't 'honoring' the 'best' indie music
Indie music has been 'stolen' from 'us' and
__________ (mnstrm artist) sux
The Grammys are 'irrelevant bullshit'

Phoenix won 'Best Alternative Music Album.' Not sure what that award title means/who was in the category. I feel like maybe the French bros in Phoenix didn't realize that Americans 'get dressed up' for our awards shows. Maybe they thought it was an MTV/Nickelodeon kidz award show.

Kings of Leon won 3 Grammys for their hit song "Use Somebody", confirming that it is the vulnerable mnstrm anthem of the year/decade/century. I think they are in the genre of rock, since their award titles were 'Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group', 'Best Rock Song' and the prestigious 'Record Of The Year'.

MGMT also went to the Grammys, but they were sort of just 'nominated' and probably just looked like a 'zany one hit wonder band' to mainstreamers.

I think they also gave Stephen Colbert a Grammy just to 'get more hits/coverage.'

Here is more coverage of 'mainstream pop culture' at the Grammys.

I think this is the broad from the popular MTV show 'Jersey Shore.' I am not sure if she won a Grammy, or if she is just there for being Macrofamous.

This is apparently her live-in boyfriend, The Situation. Wonder if that show was a 'mainstream hit' or just another 'micro-sensation' like The Office.

The middle Jonas brother tries 2 'look alt' by growing strategic facial scruff + putting on sillie framed glasses.

Apparently the post-tween Jonas Brother married a guidette after the 'Jersey Shore' wave of 2k9k10. Seems ill-advised, like the same as 'marrying a pog/beanie babie/digipet.'

Popular American Idol homosexual sensation Adam Lambert.

Unpopular American Idol nonsensation Justin Guarini.

I think this crazy African American man was there because he was created as an 'off beat' character by the popular Fox TV show American Idol. Sort of like the 'Negro William Hung.'

I think the Black Eyed Peas are the last remaining soldiers in the Electro War. Like a lost group of fighters who no1 told that the war is over, but they are still on the Battlefield.

Apparently Lady Gaga had some performance with Sir Elton John.

It seems like you 'have to invite her' to any award show for the next 50 years, just to see her wear something zany.

Wonder how she transports her costumes. Suitcases? Rubermaid containers?

Popular Bro Comedy superstars from the Andy Samberg Lonely Island Viral Video Productions Centre.

I think Taylor Swift still thinks that 'awards are real.' She seems proud. As time moves forward, more people will 'sympathize' with Kanye West, sort of like the Kobe Vs. Shaq feud.

I think the Grammys is an opportunity for Cool Dads to bond with their kids.

Or for Cool Dads to just have a 'bros night out.'

Does n e 1 know if Musicians get Dental Insurance, or do they just cover their teeth with blingee jewels?

CONTINUE READING>>>>

Phoenix

Buzzband

Phoenix is a French pop band that has been around for a decade but went rlly mainstream after their album "Wolfgang Amadeus" was s0 p0ppy that no1 could h8 it.

Read more>>>>

Will Kanye West + males + African Americans 'change' in the 2k10s?

I saw this picture of Kanye West and his 'number 1 ho' Amber Rose at Paris Fashion Week. It seems like they have really 'turned over a new leaf', and are possibly growing stronger as a couple. In the past, she used to wear skank gear to show off her ridonk curves, but now her man has her in check, making sure that she stays covered up, like a beautiful/pure & unique Muslim woman.

Kanye West has sorta been laying low. I was worried about him, like he was depressed, and writing sad, deep songs with an autotuner. He used to be one of the top 5 human memes on the planet, but now he has retreated from the internet sensationsphere.

The 2k0s seemed like an amazing, yet kind bummed out/tragic decade for Kanye West. He got famous, and ppl treated him like the black male Lady Gaga. Went through some hard times... George Bush doesn't care bout mulatto ppl... Mom death [via Heidi Montag plastic surg]... Shafting Taylor Swift... doing other controversial stuff. Wonder if he is going to 'pull it 2gether' this decade, and just try to write songs that change/heal/inspire the world [via Michael Jackson]. Wonder if Justin Timberlake will make us forget about Michael Jackson this decade.

Do u think he still chills with these bros, or are they just enablers?

I wonder if all men + African Americans + rap hiphop superstar moguls will begin to treat women with more love and respect. Are yall tired of women being 'pieces of meat', or do u think they like it like that?

Do yall think black people are going to 'ball over all' at the Academy Awards this year?
Heard that 'Precious' is a beautiful movie that inspires tons of white guilt.

Worried that they'll lose out 2 blue ppl [via the avatar]. Feel like 'Precious' might be the black version of 'Milk.' Like giving the African American community something to 'be proud of' since it represents a realistic tale of hope in their community.

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Just got hella bummed out. Relieved about my way of life on the internet + how easy my life has been.

Just sorta riffing on this post, doing some 'pop culture musings', talking about race. Talking about the Oscars. Really just wanted to ask one important question.

What's the difference between Wyclef Jean and Will.I.Am?

If u were stuck on an Island, and u could only be Wyclef Jean or Will.I.Am, and take 1 musical instrument, and bring one broad to sing over ur music, who would it be?
The person who answers this question correctly will receive a free genre shirt.

Who did Tiger Woods let down more: black ppl or white ppl?


I have always been a huge fan of the human brand known as Tiger Woods. Before Tiger Woods, I didn't even know that golf was a sport worth watching, but then TigBro came along, and taught us what it meant to be a champion. We were compelled by this Dark Knight [via Heath] transcending the game. He established himself as a global/personal brand.

This post is brought 2 u by Buick.

Tiger Woods 'crushed' all of his white competitors on the PGA tour, much like most African Americans do in all other sports. Whether is is Michael Jordan, Bo Jackson, Usain Bolt, Pele, LeBron James, or Hammering Hank Aaron, it is important to note that athletes with African descent have a higher athletic ceiling. Even though I have done no genetic research, I feel like this is a fair assumption. (I feel like most white talking head sports writers will say that they 'got athletic training during the slave era', but I am not going to make that argument.) From what I understand, many of the white athletes who have historical relevancy (like Babe Ruth) were able to dominate all-white leagues, back before professional sports were de-segregated.


The truth is that White Men Can't Jump, at least not as high as Africans/African Americans. White consumers enjoy watching African Americans dominate white people on the playing field--probably some sort of manifestation of 'white guilt.'


Golf seems to be a sport for rich, white people. Older people who can't really expend energy doing cardiovascular exercise, so they opt for a game where you can drive around in a car, drink alcoholic beverages, and spend all day with your bros. Sorta like a 'rich man's bowling.' I am not sure how long a game of golf even lasts, so it seems like a good excuse you could use to leave your wife's presence for 8-14 hours. I feel proud of Tiger for being able endear himself to this demographic of men. These men are the most lucrative consumer demographic, with way more money to blow than 'Gen Y' and 'tweens.' Even though those groups are good at 'adopting trends', they are usually limited by their parent's mediocre income. GolfPlayingBros drop mad bank on goods+services.

I think sports that require tons of 'gear' tend to deter African Americans from playing them. The barriers to entry are too high for innercity kids who will use their natural athletic gifts & status frustration to launch them into multimillion dollar pro sports careers. For example, in sports like golf and baseball, you have clubs, helmets, bats, specific shoes, and a specialized facility that. Sports like basketball and soccer are better for poor people, since you just need a ball, and facilities are more flexible.

This post is brought 2 u by Gillette: The best a man can get.

This is why we love Tiger Woods. He is an African-American+miscellaneous other races, without all of the baggage of traditional coloured athletes. He didn't come from 'the streets', he is more of a suburbia bro whose dad glued a golf club to his hand when he was 3 years old. All grown men wish they had dads who did more to train them to become a professional athlete--the most fulfilling profession for a man, since you excel financially, physically, and you reap the rewards of fame. Tiger Woods is a truly great bro, excelling at a level that normal societal spectators can only watch. All we can do is purchase products that were endorsed by great people to feel close them [via Lance Armstrong LIVESTRONG bracelet theory].

This post is brought 2 u by Nike's 'I Am Tiger Woods' campaign, promoting Tiger Woods+Golf 2 kids
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But I feel kinda bad now that he cheated on his wife with tons of whores. I feel like this white world that he conquered has turned his back on him. No longer is he a white person with black skin who white people are comfortable letting into their metaphorical club house. He is now 'just another black person', doing 'stuff that black ppl do.' From what I understand, most professional athletes frequent strip clubs and cheat on their wives'. Some even fight dogs and murder people. Seems like we are jealous of Tiger's 'bad ass life.'

This post is brought 2 u by EA Sports: It's in the Game.

I feel bad when society turns their back on a black athlete. It seems like we enable their dream worlds, and are generally comfortable ones where they can 'do whatever the fuck they want, as long as they promise to perform when it counts.' But maybe that's the downside of Tiger's evolution into a human brand. Instead of seeing him as 'just another black athlete', we see him as a representative of corporate america, some1 who we expect to 'have values' or something. Seems unreasonable, sorta like the idea of 'marriage.'


Tiger seems like a 'pimp bawla', some1 who wants 2 win at everything. Whether it is a game of golf, or a game of 'banging the hottest skanks on the planet, having the most insane fuckfests in the world fucked up on drugs and alcohol', we shouldn't hold that against Tiger. He is Tiger Woods. He is a champion. He is also dealing with 'entering his middle ages', so it seems reasonable that he should have 1 last series of 'sexual conquests' before he enters his twilight. It seems like men can focus on being 'good fathers' when they are between 45-Death.

If I were a skank, I would love the opportunity to 'get hammered' by Tiger Woods.

Like you could really 'get banged' by a true champion, instead of the same loser bro who thinks he is 'fucking rich/hot/special,' and that he is the one doing you a favor by giving u the opportunity to sleep with him.

Wonder if Tiger's Wife, Elin, misled him. Maybe she used to be 'down2fuck', but then ended up being this 'woman who just wanted to export children from her vagina.'

Even thought marriage is a 'lifelong vow', I feel like this vow doesn't always apply to people who experience levels of joy that are way better than 'finding solace in a relationship.' I feel like relationships are used to combat feelings of solitude, or like people who are 'afraid to die alone.' Tiger is not afraid of these feelings--he has conquered them. He lives life at a high level, choosing to do what he wants. He is not a 'lost soul' or a 'fallen star', Tiger Woods knew what he was doing, and the 'media controversy' was worth it to him. It seems like the most difficult part of this whole ordeal is probably telling his wife that she was never really that important to him, he just wanted to 'win' her. Not sure if I would care if a black man cheated on a black woman. Seems like it is 'wrong' for a black man to betray the honor of a white woman.

This post is brought 2 u by Accenture Consulting Services.

Tiger Woods may or may not be able to 'love' other people. Tiger Woods loves himself at a championship level, something most humans will never be able to do. We are too busy with insecurities, doubting ourselves, never reaching our full potential. We end up sitting on the couch, masturbating to pornography, while Tiger Woods is out there banging porn stars. Women with huge, fake tits, bouncing in his face like a champion. Pulling out, giving them a load of semen on their face that only a true champion could deliver.

This post is brought 2 u by Tag Heuer: Do yall know what time it is?

It is unfair for the white world to turn their back on Tiger. Tons of people cheat on their wives' every day with women who they don't love, but love to have sex with. I feel like they have used this incident to act like cheating is 'something that black people do because they are subhuman, closer to animals.' It is unfair for them to do this to Tiger after everything he has represented to them. I feel like men need to 'rally around' Tiger, letting him know that we support him as a bro, and just want him to be happy and do bad ass things, in and out of the bedroom/golf course.

What will be the most difficult issue 4 Tiger Woods' kids to deal with as they grow up?

a) being a 'mixed-race' kid
b) dealing with their father's 'man-skank' personal brand
c) they will have no problems, since they are rich.

I wonder if black people 'relate to' Tiger Woods. It seems like they would like to relate to him, since he is great, but he plays a game that they don't think is 'cool'/important 2 them. Wonder if the African American community would rally around him, or do they only rally around white-ish black people like Barry Obama, since he was going to be put into a position of 'mad crazy power.' Feel like if white people turn their back on Tiger, he will truly be left in a colourless purgatory.

This post is brought 2 u by Cadillac

I feel sad that Tiger 'took a break from the game.' I feel like he should have announced his 'retirement' to make the whole world value him more/understand how important he is. It would also make his wife feel guilty/special that he gave up his God-given gift 'for her', even though it was just a hiatus. She probably took for granted the fact that he 'made mad bank'--maybe he deserved to have a lil bit of fun [via 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas']. She wasn't prepared to be in a relationship with a winner. Kinda like how Michael Jordan can't enjoy life/simple pleasures since he was once 'the greatest in the world.'

Tiger Woods will come back, and he will be 'great.' We will 'forget' about his 'transgressions', just as long as he wins some tourneys, makes companies some bank, and then hugs his wife and cries. Then he can divorce her 6-18 months afterwards, and live the life he wants to live, banging as many 'freaky ass bitches' as possible. We want Tiger to live the life that he wants to live. He can produce great moments 4 us. He can be a solid brand ambassador for us.

Let's just let Tiger be Tiger. We could learn a lot from him.

Tiger Woods is a champion. Tiger Woods is a winner. Tiger Woods is black/AZN/pacific islander.

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I am Tiger Woods. (Rlly wish I could be Tiger Woods).

'Get in the hole.'
-a bro

Previous Black Athlete Coverage

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/09/MICHAEL-VICK-KILLS-DOGS.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/09/LEBRON-JAMES.html

Should buzzbands integrate their band name into their live stage presence?

Photo by J Caldwell


As yall know, the goal of a brand is to create lots of synergies. Bands are brands which can evolve, or they can 'tank' and isolate their consumer base. As yall know, the relevant buzzband The xx has transitioned from 'kewl new buzzband with bloggable mp3s' to buzzband who 'delivered' on their debut album. Now they must go on tour, interacting with tons of fans/consumers/alts across the world, convincing them that they are worth supporting as a brand for the next 2-10 years.

As yall can see, the XX utilized on-stage illumination technology which highlights the name of their band on the stage. This helps to inform unaware consumers and pedestrian traffic in and around clubs that a band called 'the XX' is playing. In addition, the stage is a bloggable internet meme, letting party+concert+flickrBro photographers get an 'interesting photograph.' It is important to note that the XX stage logo is not completely superfluous--it integrates into the drum pad bro's setup.

The XX are in a position to expand quickly with this base technology. For example, the could insert multi-coloured lights into their console. In addition, if they were to start a fastfood franchise, they would already have a logo that they could use to extend their brand. It is important to remember that successful buzzbands aren't just good at making music, they also implement marketing strategies to become 'more than just a band' to a core base of consumers.

Wonder if The XX utilized the same technology that Justice used to create a glowing stage cross.

Do yall appreciate bands that have a sweet stage presence?
Should Animal Collective get a huge sign that says 'ANCO' in the popular font comic sans to play in front of?
Should Grizzly Bear have a real grizz bear on stage?
Should the Neon Indian band hire Native Americans, and make them use neon body paint?
Should Phoenix utilize the logo of the popular NBA team 'The Phoenix Suns'?
Should horrorcore bands murder ppl on stage?
Should Ricky Martin have a taco truck on stage, called 'Livin La Vida Taco'?
What are some good stage gimmicks that bands could use to enhance their brands?


Previous XX Coverage

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/11/following-up-on-the-xx-broad-from-halloween.html


XX BONUS XX QUESTION XX

Which XX fan art doodle is the most authentic?

"xx chillin bein Carles" by BebeZeva?

or "chillin, drinkin dos Equis, shooting lasers out of our eyes" by BuzzBandFan6969?

Do yall know if deep indie gazes mean that alt celebs can shoot lasers out of their eyes? Worried to look at one of them in the eyes, since they have such emotive/distant/dreamy/emotionally-scarred faces. Feel like making eye contact with them might be the alt equivalent of looking into the popular Greek mythological broad 'Medusa', known for turning onlookers into stone at the expense of 1 glance.

The xx

Buzzband

The xx is a band from the UK that went kinda mainstream in 2k9

Read more>>>>

Justice

DJ, Buzzband

Justice is a popular banger house electro group from France on Ed Banger Records.

Read more>>>>

Are authentic alternative celebrities scaling back their internet presences?

Photo via stereogum


In this picture, u see Edward Droste (lead singer of the band Grizzly Bear), along with a series of bros on a screen. Even though this chill session was happening in real life, Ed Droste also facilitated this same relationship on the internet with thousands of followers on the popular social networking site 'twitter.com.' Over the past year, @EdwardDroste became one of the most beloved alternative celebrities on twitter.

It made me sad to learn that Edward Droste committed suicide. Not in real life, but on the internet, by deactivating his twitter account. Even though he had thousands of followers ready 2 listen to his every word, he decided that being an alternative celebrity schmoozing with 'the common man' was not worth it.

I wonder what 'put him over the top.' Wonder if too many fans tweeted vicious things @ him. Or if too many music bloggers and music criticism bros gushed @ him. Wonder if he got @ed too many 'put me on the guest lists.' Wonder if he got tired of the popular music blog pitchfork 'exploiting' his tweets for meme-able content.

It's kinda weird reading that now... It makes me wonder what went wrong in his metaphorical digipet/gigapet.

I'll never forget the time @EdwardDroste twitpic-ed a sweet picture with Feist on a meaningful rollercoaster, then 'tons of music blogs meme-d that shit.'

Wondering if the people that he was supposed to be connecting with/sharing life with were ultimately the same ppl who forced him to metaphorically 'off himself.'

Worried that if Edward Droste isn't there to 'officially endorse' buzzbands, many of the world's top music bloggers won't know what they are supposed 2 like. Have heard that Neon Indian only got 'mainstream indie' acceptance' after Ed Droste endorsed the buzzband on his twitter.

Sometimes I wonder what I'd be like if I could be a twitter celeb. I feel like I would mainly tweet about 'cool shit I was doing' (including cool places/buying cool shit) but also make sure to have a lot of conversations with other famous/interesting people.

I remember 1 time I made a post saying that Miley Cyrus and tweens are 'too immature' for the internet+social media+ twitter, since they aren't socially developed/ready 2 handle real life... Sorta wondering if high level alternative celebs are 'too mature' for twitter.

Is it better for indie/alt celebs to have excessive internet presences, or should they just have an 'epic album' every year that 'speaks 4 itself'? Wondering if indie fans are 'more annoying' than mainstream tween fans. Wondering if the mp3blogosphere is 'too intense' for a relevant indie artist to live in for more than 2 months.


Edward Droste (1982-2009)
a Eulogy

Edward Droste, creator and CEO of the popular indie band Grizzly Bear, committed suicide in November of 2009. He is survived by Victoria Legrand, lead singer of the band Beach House. She has vowed to avenge his death by claiming Pitchfork's album of the year in 2010. Ed has three surviving bandmates, Daniel Rossen, Chris Bear, and Chris Taylor. They have decided to dissolve Grizzly Bear, and continue performing as 'The Department of Eagles.' In 10-20 years, they will consider using a CGI replacement EDro to make 'mad bank' on the reunion circuit. Edward was always known to throw down a solid meme, and was one of the initial supporters of the chillwave movement. In 2 short months, Edward would have found out that Grizzly Bear's 2009 album Veckatimest was controversially voted the #1 album of the year after a voter fraud scandal in the Pitchfork offices.

What alt celeb internet-user would yall be most sad abt committing eSuicide?
Which alt celeb should get on the twitter 2 share his/her memes?

Is Avey Tare's wife 'trying 2 hard' 2 be conceptual/meme-worthy?


Yall might know Kria Brekkan as the wife of popular 2k9 buzzband 'the Animal Collective', more specifically, the band member Avey 'David Portner' Tare. She has apparently already created tons of music on her own, as well as with the popular Icelandic runoff band "múm." [via the post-Bjork+SigurRos era]. (not sure if Iceland still has a thriving creative economy now that their 'financial/real' economy is 'in the shitter')

I recently saw Kria Tare-Brekkan's new LP cover, and wondered what it was all about. Appears to be a concept album based on the popular female topic of fluid in the uterus.

Felt confused, since I am a bro, and from what I understand, I don't even have a uterus. It seems like it might be an indie album directed towards 'the female demographic', perhaps ages 25-45. Sorta like the popular television series 'Sex and the City.' For those of yall who didn't take sex-ed [via conservative private education/middle-american public school], here is where the uterus is located.

Went ahead and did some research to attempt to find out 'why a woman would have water in her uterus.'

Feel worried. Thought uterus water might mean that 'life' was being cultivated, but it seems like it might be a legitimate health concern. Maybe this is going to be a 'dark' female album, as opposed to the light-hearted conceptual fluff that tons of female indie artists 'put out.' Seems like we are growing up, and the music 'we' listen to has tons of 'adult themes'? Maybe life isn't about 'partying'/'being free' in 2k10... Just want to be involved in a conceptual union with a human who I love.

Do u think people will take me seriously as an AnCo fan if I 'overcompensate' with interest in an AnCo auxilary band/wife?

Is Uterus Water the new 'Horchata'?

///what fluid will be 'big in 2k10'?

Name that Alt Celeb Mom Jean Ass.


Yall might remember the popular trend 'mom jeans.' They sorta invaded the altbaguette scene, then sorta crossed over into a 'mainstream joke' cuz the name was s0 true since we all know a local mother who wore mom jeans that made her ass look all mommy. Saw this hot momjean ass, and sorta made me feel 'aroused' and then I got a lil depressed because I started 2 yearn for the complex touch of an authentic alt woman.

Whose mom jean ass does this behind belong 2?

a) Miley Cyrus
b) a Dirty Projecty
c) a member of 'The Black Kids'/'The Go Team' [vintage indie meme]
d) Ben Gibbard's wife
e) Scarlett Johnannysens
f) Taylor Swift
g) a member of the band GIRLS
h) a member of the band 'gals'
i) It's On with Alexa Chung
j) altPorn Star 'Sasha Grey'
h) the porno broad from the Dim Mak sex tape
i) a post-tween who is about to pursue a modeling career
j) a cast member of the popular show 'The Hills'
k) a cast member of the popular show 'The Real AltWives of Brooklyn.'
l) a cast member of the popular show 'Project Runway'
m) a cast member of the popular show 'Man Vs. Food.'
n) Lindsey Lohan [via leggings meme]
o) Beth Ditto
p) Feist
q) Regina Spekty
r) Cat Powers
s) Brandon Teena
t) Tina Brandon
u) youtube sensation 'Leave Brittney Alone' Guy
v) Wanda Sykes
w) Kathy Griffin
x) miscellaneous female comedian
y) a cast member from Bev hills 90210
z) the St Vincent
aa) Choose.Your.Own.Response

who do yall thinks ass it is belongs to?

Felt sad when 'mom jeans' became a mainstream meme.

</embed>

Not sure if it is still a relevant 'trend' or just a 'huge joke that mainstreams talk abt.'

Sad Halloween is over. Wish I could post zany costumes all year... but if u really think about it, maybe I already do... maybe I already do.... ///#hallotween

Chloe Sevigny

Alternative Celebrity, Alternative Entrepreneur

Chloe Sevigny is an alternative actress and model. She is famous for 'being alt hot' and giving Vincent Gallo a BJ on camera.

Read more>>>>

Indie Bro Obsession & the Objectification of Female Indie Alt Celeb Musicians.

I was recently watching a youtube video of an indie bro watching a youtube video of a live performance by the popular indie female artist The St. Vincent.  The video is compelling content, an open love letter to the female of his dreams.   In the video, he pours out his emotional/spiritual/sexual/intellectual desires, letting St. Vincent know that 'they could have a perfect life together.'

</embed>

Transcription of youtube video:

Hey St Vincent. I'm sitting here sprung out watching 'You Dig a Pony' meanwhile I just want to be digging your pony. I think you're sexy as hell. I've been stalking you since back when you were just an mp3 blogger meme, back in 2006. But I saw your potential, and here we are almost four years later, rich and famous. And I'm just so proud. I see you wearing those black tights all the time underneath your skirts and shorts, and to me, that just make a nigga go buck wild. The locks of your hair curl to perfection. You got a slammin bod and my dick raise up like a scissor kick when you hit the high note. But all I wanna know is, can you shred on your guitar like that bent over? I like that you sing in two microphones, because then it's like there's two of you, and I always wished that God made two of you so that I could fuck you while you lick my ass. Your lips are sexy red and I want to rub the large space in between your eyes. I'm best friends with Grizzly Bear, and I just want all of us to be friends in Brooklyn, and maybe live in your house and sleep in your bed. And I hope that when you watch this vid, you fall in love with me, because when I turn my swagger on, no one got it like this, and I be in your mother fucking dreams tonight. Thank you for watching my youtube, St. Vincent. Thank you for your music. And I love you.

I think many people would probably find this video to be 'sick', 'troublesome', and miscellaneous feelings that would put them 'above this type of cheap ploy for attention.' But it's important to talk about how altbros, indie bros, and music criticism middle aged bros view females in the alternative music scene. If we can assume that men are the driving force behind indie buzz, indie record sales, the indie media, and altEverything, then how do we fairly assess women's role in 'the whole scene.' It seems like in this open love letter to St. Vincent, the youtubeBro gave us a valuable insight into the true desires of all bros who are alt/indie/etc.

This is what alternative males want:

  • We to be loved.
  • We want to be relevant.
  • We want to 'bang' bitches in 'mad crazy' positions
  • We want to live a perfect life in a relevant city
  • We want to be bffs with bands
  • We want to follow bands/artists and watch them grow and attribute their success to ourselves for being on the forefront of relevancy.
  • We want 'the most respected female' in the indie scene to be our gf [via the altbaguette theory]

How does indie bro obsession impact the indiesphere?

Will an ugly/not cute girl ever 'make it' as an indie artist? It seems like indie bros who 'shape' the indie world will always have trouble evaluating female artists. I think the first thing men look at is 'how attractive is the female.' That seems to be 'the most important element' when evaluating a woman in any profession (strippers, actresses, accountants, secretaries, etc).

I think it is also important for indie females to 'seem like they are real musicians.' This can be accomplished by either displaying a relatively high level of 'musicianship', or even just by 'appearing to take themselves seriously.' Many say that behind every great woman is a great man, so even if a 'skilled male producer' creates mad beats, the female band member/lead singer still has a very important task in terms of branding the live performance with the level of 'into-it-ness' of her presence.

Whenever I see coverage of an indie starlet, I imagine some music criticism bro wild a mildly erect penis while writing a blurb. In a short blurb, the music critic bro can project his feelings/hopes/dreams/desires. He can mention that the female artist is 'hot' but also say something that clearly indicates 'we need to take her seriously.' All blurbs about female artists by men are unintentional manifestos in which we 'search 4 a sexual identity.' I wrote this post to 'come to terms' with my homosexuality/heterosexuality/bisexuality/pansexuality/indiesexuality.

I feel like I am in search of 'the perfect alt woman', and I can't help but entirely identify with the St. Vincent Love Letter Vlog.  I want 2 be loved, have krazie sex, and also have an authentic life.  I am not sure if I like listening to music by women, but I feel like I will watch them if they are 'hot.'  It seems impossible for men to 'actually like' music by women, since many of the lyrical themes are coming from the 'fucking dreamworld' that exists inside of a girl's head.

Wonder if I would consider living my perfect life with the Dirty Projector altbaguettes.

Even the Zany SNL video meme bro got 'roped in' by the prospects of a 'perfect alt life' with Joanna Newsom.

How do yall think that the horniness of men impacts the critical acceptance of women? Can indie bros 'put aside their desire 2 mate' when evaluating females in music? Will an 'ugly woman' ever be very successful at anything, or does society naturally 'select out' the uggos? Should we segregate the indiesphere by gender? Should there be a 'pitchfork4Girls' instead of reading men evaluating women?

Does some sort of subconscious sexual desire impact the acceptance of all females?  Is the indiesphere an 'equal opportunity' hype machine?

Maybe indie bros are bisexuals. Maybe we do evaluate everything fairly. Maybe we just need to 'learn 2 love' regardless of (sexual) gender and (musical) genre.

</embed>

Maybe we all need 2 take a lil ride on the chillwave...

How do the sexual desires of men impact the indie perception bubble/the Western World/the Middle East?
When u watch a female artist, what do u expect from her?
Are chick flicks/romantic comedies and indie-ish female musicians some sort of marketing gimmick to exploit the infamous 'female' demographic of humans?
If u like a band with a male lead singer, are u 'kinda ghey'?
Do women like male singers because they want to 'make love' to them/get swept off their feet into a rock n roll lifestyle?
Is it realistic for men to identify with themes in music made by females?
Will men ever see women as 'anything more than a fuck doll'?

Clubbing baby seals seems like an unchill practice.


It's always weird when a band/famous person becomes an advocate for change, especially when they are 'raising awareness' for a problem that I wasn't really aware of. One could make the argument 'out of sight, out of mind' is a good thing. Like if you knew too much about the world's problems, then u might become paralyzed with fear/h8 for humanity, realizing that 'things would never change' and evil will always live on this planet. But it's also kinda good because if you know more 'issues', then you are more interesting.

I was 'completely unaware' that clubbing seals was a huge problem in our world. I have honestly never seen any1 wearing or eating seal. For some reason, I have 'never had a desire' to wear seal/miscellaneous exotic animal fur. It seems out of my price range, since I am just a suburban upper-middle class alt, and I would rather spend that kind of money on consumer technology instead of clothes. Maybe if Am Appy 'branded' animal fur, I would be interested.

Clubbing seals 'seems unchill.' Like some1 who listens to horrorcore music would be a seal clubbing bro.

</embed>

I feel like 'seal clubbing bros' should be eliminated from the Earth. I am glad that I learned about this cause. I have an opinion about it, and I understand that is wrong, but I am not sure what else I can do to prevent companies and humans from clubbing seals. It seems unchill to skin animals just to wear them. Like the people who value animal fur are 'severely troubled' and have 'a very stupid perspective of the world'--like they didn't go to school and learn stuff. I think that some1 needs to make a movie about seals similar to 'March of the Penguins' so that people think that seals can have a group brand that is 'cute enough to save/care about.' It seems like humans care about cute animals.

Really just happy that AnCo 'made it.' Feel happy that a band from my range of tastes has ascended into 'activist relevancy.'

Can't believe AnCo is such a relevant celebrity. As famous as the homosexual blogger, Pedro Hilton.

Even larger than the star of the recent teen dramedy "She's All That."

AnCo can do as much change as the world for star of 'Laguna Beach Cribs', Brody Jenner.

I feel excited for AnCo. A lot of people think that AnCo 'is going to cross over.' They keep waiting to hear them on the mainstream radio. I feel like 'lending ur brand' to a PETA campaign seems like u have 'made it.' Like if Pitchfork had some sort of 'humanitarian ratings', this would probably be around a 9.6.

Celebrities Speak Out Against the Seal Slaughter.
</embed>


'U can create all kinds of textures with all kinds of fabrics.'

-Panda Bear, 2k9.8


'U can create all kinds of textures with all kinds of sounds.'

-Panda Bear, 2k4evr

Feel like my whole life make sense now that 'Animal Collective' has truly become 1 with the Animal Kingdom Collective of Real Animals.

Honestly feel sad/disturbed after watching seals being murdered. Will probably think of seals being clubbed every time I listen to AnCo from now on, even when the themes are happy. :-(


Vintage HRO post [via 2k8.1]

Remember the time Panda Bear and his wife designed hoodies?


Previous Animal Rights Posts

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/animal-rights

Is Ben Gibbard's acting debut 'a complete failure' or 'a huge success'?


You might know popular actor Ben Gibbard from his best selling album Twilight Soundtrack EP, or even from his most successful band, The Postal Service. What you don't know is that he is also an actor. You're probably used to seeing him on MTV, carrying the torch 4 indie music towards the mainstream...but now, he's doin something new, artistic, and interesting. Here is a video of him acting.

Video may not be viewable in RSS reader// via Stereogums

It seems like he plays a 'snarky' character who is above society. Like a guy who 'curses' and 'makes a scene' in a group of ppl. I don't really understand what is happening, but he does appear to be 'acting.' Don't know how to tell if he is doing a good or bad job. Have honestly only really seen him singing Death Cab for Cutie songs.

From what I have read, this is some indie film directed by some guy in the popular TV Show 'The Office.'

Apparently, this is "John Krasinski's" passion project, since he adapted David Foster Wallace short stories into some indie film called Brief Interviews With Hideous Men. Have never read David Foster Wallace, but heard he is 'a genius.' Only heard abt him because he killed himself. Not sure if 'suicide' is an effective marketing tool. Some people might say that his 'pain' was complex and worth reading, but the hopeful part of me thinks reading DFW might mean I support 'giving up on life.' Think the main problem is that I don't read books, so maybe if he was alive and had a bloggable blog, I would read him.

I wonder why Benjamin Gibbard 'got the acting bug.' Maybe he was a creative drama kid in high school. Seems likely that since he married a famous actress, Zooey Deschanel, he thought that he acquired her skills in the marriage.

From what I understand, Zooey Gibbard-Deschanel is attempting to 'be a singer' now that she has married an indie rock legend. I am not sure if relationships work this way. I don't think that your skills 'automatically transfer' to ur mate. If some1 married Carles, would he or she automatically become a culturally relevant blogger, or would they be 'not taken seriously' and appear to be 'riding Carlesz coattails' towards relevancy. Actually wish it worked this way, then I would marry LeBron James and 'ball over all' in the N.B.A./possibly a member of Animal Collective.

Do yall think Benjamin Gibbard is a good actor?
Can musicians act? Can actors make good music?
Was Ben Gibbard 'exploited' as a marketing tool 4 this movie?
Are movies as good as books/writings?
Did TheOfficeBro only cast Ben Gibbard bc he looked like that 1 zany did in The Office?
Is Benjamin Gibbard weakening his brand, or taking it 2 the next level?
What's ur fave 'Deathcab' song of all time?

Is Jared Leto the only multi-talented actor + indie front man?

Is Jared Leto a 'human mashup' of Zooey Deschanny + Benjy Gibby?

Should Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam be deported/blacklisted from The United States of America?

I was reading my twitter homepage the other day, and I couldn't help but notice some 'scathing snark comments' from the popular bloghouse-to-mainstream rapper M.I.A.

It seems like she is 'talking mad shit' about our President Barack Obama. Apparently he won 1st prize in the metaphorical 'Best Human on the Planet' awards [via Nobel Peace Prize]. It seems like something that we should celebrate whether or not he deserves it and whether or not the Award 'means anything.' It is an important step in rebranding our nation to the rest of the world. It seems like winning this award might 'convince the rest of the world that the USA is a chill place, trying 2 make some positive changes.' It seems like M.I.A. is 'trying to take a shit' on our nation/our leader/etc. Seems hard for me to identify with artists who don't see America as being 'fucking awesome', even when we had a Repubby President. We must support our leaders. Sorta wish ppl were punished when they performed public acts of rebellion. Wish our government monitored twitter, kinda like Iran.

I am not sure if M.I.A. lives in the USA. It seems like these types of 'snark comments' might make her some sort of person on a list of 'bad people' according to the US govt, since she has been linked 2 'terrorist groups' or something.. It seems like making anti-Obama statements might diminish her appeal to liberal alts. Like there might be Protests outside of her shows in the United States by liberals and conservatives.

I am not sure if the Nobel Peace Prize is still a 'prestigious' award. It seems like it would be comparable to some sort of 'Blog Awards' that reward 'The Best Blog on the Planet' or something. Or possibly an 'MTV Award' in film/music/music videos. Seems like a nice process, but it ultimately helps the awards show when u can 'brand the award' with the most popular performers. Think I might start an 'awards system' for some sort of alternative genre, and maybe it will appear to be 'more real' over time.

But still, it's 'fucking awesome' that Barry Obama was named the most Noble Human on the Planet. A Bro Who Branded himself as 'Hope' & 'Change' finally gets some sort of reward (besides the Presidency). Seems like a 'huge victory' for 'us.'

We can never forget who we are as a nation, and our special mission as 'the best nation in the World.' We must stay unified in our beliefs and steadfast in the American way. Any1 who does not approve of our way of life is a terrorist since they don't 'get' us and are ultimately trying 2 harm us. God has truly blessed our nation, and we must accept our responsibility to 'bring good' to the rest of the world. You are either a patriot or a terrorist--there is nothing in between.

Nvr Frgt.

Will u boycott M.I.A.?
R u proud of Barry Obammy?
Can the USA 'rebrand' itself 2 the world?
R u a patriot or a terrorist?

Previous M.I.A. Coverage

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/mia

Alice Glass in Wonderland--designing a meme that is larger than ur live show.

Photos by Ryan Muir via BrookVeegs


I was recently at a Crystal Castles concert, and I noticed the lead singer Alice Glass in an 'Alice in Wonderland' costume. It was a strategic move, since her name is 'Alice' and the kidz movie's main character is also named 'Alice.' It seems like a live show can be limiting. Ur only going to be performing for about 50-350 'fans.' It seems like u should do something that 'gets u attention on the internet from a blogsite that has thousands of daily visitors.' This way u can enhance ur macrobrand instead of just portraying with a meaningful microbrand with a 1and done show.

'Making a meme' out of a concert seems like something all indie bands must do to 'get covered.' Whether it is 'costumes', 'confetti', or 'inviting a member of another relevant indie band out on to stage to pretend to play guitar with your band', it is important to 'get the internet buzzing' abt ur live show. This will make them want to attend ur show when you go to their local scene because they will be 'afraid of missing something.' This seems like a good strategy for bands that are not worthy of 'being relevant.'

For example, Of Montreal has never really been a 'good band', but since their live shows are 's000 zany', ppl really like 2 see them. Here is a picture of an Of Montreal show where they execute women while they are wearing sillie costumes. The photo makes u wanna be there so you can see some1 'take her last breath of life.'

Photo via YvanRodic

Crystal Castles is kinda in the same boat as Of Montreal. I am not sure if they will ever release more music, but I think their brand is 'so established' it won't matter 'how good/bad' their music is. They will realistically never release an album that is 'critically acclaimed' or 'says something meaningful that tons of ppl can relate to', so all they will do for the rest of their lifespan is 'chill & try 2 keep their brand alive.'

Scarie. Seems like a chill meme, though. 'Worth blogging about', potentially.

Do yall know if 'Alice in WoNdErLaNd' is an authentic cartoon film? Seems like it was never that interesting, except ppl who 'do drugs' like to pretend that it is 'fucking awesome.' I prefer the Pixar films cuz they appeal 2 me as an adult, but still entertain my kidz.

Worried that Chrystie Castles are going to start appealing to stoner/druggie bros who now listen to Jam Bands.

Worried that she is trying to look like she is a 'drug dependent person.'

I hope that even if Chrystine Castles is going through an 'experimental phase', it makes their music better. I am worried that it might sound like distorted electro garbage if they 'drop 2 much acid.'

Sad that everything is about drug culture. Wish music and drugs had nothing to do with eachother so that Incubus never would have acquired a fan base.

what's ur fave band with a fan base of ppl who 'do a shitload of drugs'?
do u think they do drugs bc the music would be shitty without drugs?
Or do drugs open up ur mind and enable u to think in ways that straight edge ppl could never dream of?

Indiegate 2k9.


I was recently on the youtube, and I happened to stumble upon a 'very controversial' video which may change the way we evaluate and read music websites for the rest of time.

You might have heard of 'Bradford Cox', the lead singers of the Atlas Sound Band and The Deerhunter (band), one of the most successful indie bands of 2k10. You also might have heard of Ryan "Pitchfork" Schreiber--CEO and Editor of pitchforksmedia.com, recently named by Time Magazine to be the Most Important Alternative Man Alive due to his significant impact on indie culture which will be eventually be adopted by mnstrmrs. I recently saw these two humans entertaining a room full of people while jamming on the piano, cultivating some sort of 'singalong' chilling at some sort of 'piano bar.'

They are singing the song 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun.'

</embed>

I was initially shocked, because one of these bros is a media mogul, and the other one is an independent artist who is dependent upon media blogsites to cover his music to 'get the word out' about his musical endeavors + products. It seems like these two entities should not be 'bro-like' since they have competing interests. According to my perception of reality, there is a formal relationship which media and performers must always maintain and honor in order to keep the scene 'pure.'

Not even sure if 'music journalism' even exists on the internet, or if it is just a bunch of men 'recommending shit' to consumers. Blogs might be a better long-term business model within the attention economy, leading tons of blogbros to 'get egos' since they think they are 'gatekeepers of the scene.' But I think a pure musical artist probably has a more fulfilling life, since he/she gets to experience the instantaneous feedback of a 'live crowd' as opposed to checking webstats and reading anonymous web comments.

It seems 'unfair' that an indie band can have an 'inside track' [via friendship] to today's most relevant tastemakers and content providers. Sorta wish some1 could get me some sort of finite numbers on how 'influential' blogsites are in terms of generating sales + buzz marketing. Sometimes bands and publications can create 'beautiful synergy' if a the band creates a product that is 'good enough' to be 'praised' and universally accepted...but sorta scared that person2person relationships might be influencing the way music is accepted/panned.

Wonder if you can even 'break thru' on to relevant tastemaking sites if you're not 'in bed' with them. This is kinda how it felt when I wasn't accepted to an Ivy League School since I didn't have any bloodline linking me to the school and I didn't have minority blood in me, so I had to settle for design school. It is as if you can 'become authentic bros' with a website that recommends 'kewl shit', then they will eternally recommend ur art, even if you aren't relevant any more.

This seems like a huge scandal.
Like finding out the CEO of Rolling Stone is bros with Lady Gaga.
Or that the CEO of hypemachines is in a band that is 'trying 2 make it' in the indie scene.
This would be like the CEO of HRO being bros with the CEO of Am Appy.
This would be like finding out that youtube sensation 'FRED' was the nephew of the youtube CTO.
Like finding out Ben Gibbard is 'in bed' with Zooey Deschanel.
Like finding out that Ashton Kutcher has a bro-ship with the CEO of twitter.

For all we know, Paul McCartney 'chilled hard' with the Pitchfork staff to 'get this rating.'

Or that the band Interpol sent over an Edible Arrangement.

Wonder if this band only got a 0.2 because they weren't bro enough with blog sites to get I.R.L. cred which could carry over to web-perception cred.

Feeling uncomfortable, like this huge scandal is 'unraveling my entire life/sense of right+wrong' in our universe. Wonder if many of the Greatest Indie Bands of all time sent 'gift baskets' to magazines and blogsites, attempting to get as much coverage, buzz, and praise as possible. Just wondering 'who is in bed with who', sort of like how Barry Obama is attempting to 'get in bed' with every1 possible. Wishing that Pitchfork could make 'indie idol', a new reality show attempting to find out who the next bloggable indie buzzband is. Not sure who I can trust any more.

The piano singalongparty seemed like a 'fun time' for every1 involved. Feeling sad that I am just 'an internet website', and I can't interact with the bands. I have heard that blogging/journalism is sort of a 'coping mechanism' for failed creative types. Seems like if my blog gets big, I can perhaps one day 'canoodle' with tons of alt celebs within my industry.

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Feels like deep inside of me, I wish I could have been at this event, enjoying it, embracing the moment. Not caring that it was going to be an alternative news meme. I would actually be chilling with my bros--the people who truly understood me, my lifestyle, and my interests. A group of core bros who were just as 'in the moment' as I was, without thinking about any other underlying 'interests' that required a promotion platform. Wish I could have existed within this moment--not as the CEO of a site that makes mad advertising dollars, or as a respected creative musician--but as a human. A human connecting with other humans.

Feel like I might never be bros with an indie music superstar, since I don't 'respect music/art' enough, and my blogsite might be 'too poisonous' for an indie celeb who is in touch with 'the arts/humanity' to ever want 2 like me as a blog.

Maybe I am reading into this scandal all wrong. Maybe they are just building a new concert model, built around 'piano bars', where people can huddle around the musician, and singalong.

Srsly feel like Piano Bars might be the alt new place to see a 'show.'

Photo/meme hijack via DailySwarm

Piano bars look like a 'fun time' according to this painting, like you can really connect with the performer and other concertgoers on a micro-basis.

Maybe if I add more micro-connections, my life will have more macro-meaning.

Sometimes I wish digital cameras didn't exist, so that moments could just be moments, instead of moments that u re-live onDemand. h8 youtube + hi speed internet.

Should I invest in a piano bar instead of opening a 'sweet ass nite club'?
Do u think that indiegates happen everyday?
Will INDIEGATE add 0.5-2.3 points to the Atlas Sound album review?
Who can u trust in the bloggisphare?
Have u ever had an Edible Arrangement or other creative gift basket, and how did it make you feel about the person who gave it to u?
Please define the guidelines for a blogger-to-meme relationship.
Should a 'content provider' really get to know a meme on a personal basis?

Ryan Schreiber

Alternative Entrepreneur, Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Ryan Schreiber is the creator of Pitchfork Media. He is one of TIME MAGAZINE's most important people in the world ever.

Read more>>>>

Pitchfork Media

Company, Blog

Pitchfork is a popular indie blogzine that does reviews and gets mad hits.

Read more>>>>

It takes a socially transcendent moment to remind us what makes life worth living. Kanye West is a valuable member of society.


Last Sunday night, I was browsing the internet, and all of a sudden, everything came to a halt. It was as if one moment 'made the world stop.' This single moment demanded the instantaneous attention of the every human being in the Westernized world. After experiencing this moment, every human 'came up with an opinion' on the event, and felt obliged to share this opinion with the world [via life stream/social network/ real life interaction]. It was truly one of the greatest live moments in the history of the world because 2009 has given us the proper tools to instantaneously reflect on a moment in a group setting. It was as if 'social media' finally had a reason for existing (besides helping 2 elect the black President).

Apparently the famous African American rapper 'Kanye West' interrupted some little white girl (Taylor Swift) when she won a prize at a fake awards show which celebrates mainstream music videos (hosted by the Music Television Channel ). From what I understand, the concept/goal of an Awards Show hosted by a television networks is to 'create content', where 'something that gets the whole world talking' can happen since you are bringing together some of the world's most famous/volatile people. Viewers tune in, expecting to 'see the unexpected' and sometime the network manages to 'create' bloggable/reflectable moments. Ultimately, the brand of the tv network becomes 'more relevant' based upon how much content they can produce.

From what I have read, Kanye West walked on stage to interrupt her acceptance speech, making it clear that Beyonce Knowles had one of the best music videos in the history of art + video + media.  It seemed like she reacted as most white women react when a black man approaches them, since she metaphorically 'clenched on to her purse tighter than ever before' [via black man passing u on the streets].

I disagree with Kanye West's message (but wholeheartedly approve of his actions)--Beyonce's video is nothing special. It seems like it is just African American women showing off their figures and 'getting they dance on' for the world. I am bad at 'valuing dance' as a legitimate artform because I feel like if I wanted to 'see dance', I would go to a 'titty bar' to see some 'live, nude breasts shaking' and bodies contorting in a sexual fashion, directly simulating the act of sex. The video seems like it was just a marketing gimmick, attempting to create a 'dance craze' and also possibly some sort of feminist propaganda anthem, which accidentally reinforced the concept of 'marriage' as a gateway to a perfect life.

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Since Kanye West is a 'cool black person', Taylor Swift probably thought he was going to do something to make her 'seem cooler', but then he 'took a shit' on her perceived sense of self within the entertainment industry.

It seems like 'American citizens' are 'deeply disturbed' by Kanye West's actions, and can take one of the following viewpoints on his behavior:

  • He was right, but u have 2 pretend it is real cuz she's a white lil girl who is taking showbiz seriously. U have no right to ruin this 4 her.
  • Kanye West is a bully.
  • Kanye West is 'a fucking retard'/'jack ass.'
  • Kanye West is African American/slur word for African-American which would inherently explain his actions.
  • 'Aww... Poor thing.'
  • 'Team Taylor! Let's boycott buying the records of black ppl.'
  • 'I think I will vlog about this to get youtube hits.'
  • Taylor Swift 'deserved her moment.'  She did not need 2 have her reality harassed by this "negroid."
  • I am 'above' reacting to this event.
  • I 'understand' what Kanye West has gone through in life, but I am a human, so I will still 'hold him accountable' 4 being a 'meanie head.'
  • Taylor Swift represents everything that is wrong with show business and the arts. We must respect Kanye West and his neverending quest to express his true self to the real world. He is genuinely trying to transcend fame, pop culture, and the arts. No one will ever understand him. He is truly the most artistic person in the world, and when he goes on tour with Lady Gaga, we will finally experience art that is on the same level as the greats like Andy Warhol, Michael Jackson, and Michael Jordan.


I do not believe that Taylor Swift 'deserved to have her moment.' It doesn't matter how young she is, and we do not need to enable her sick perspective on the world. While she has a sweet exterior, possibly 'more talent' than the traditional Disney-mafia star, and an ability to 'handle' everything 'with grace', we have to understand that we are harming these manufactured pop stars by continuing to let them exist. Many of them will have identity crises where they turn to substance abuse + sexual experimentation when their whole world comes crashing down around them.

When I look into their eyes, I srsly feel like there is 'evil' inside of these people.


It seems like it is beneficial for these Disney stars to 'believe in the Lord', because believing that a higher power 'gifted  them' with this 'opportunity' to touch the lives' of millions of tweens [via the power of music] would be the only way for some one to take their absurd job so seriously. It seems important to remember that these tween stars are possibly 'mentally ill' in ways that make them highly functional within the entertainment world.  I feel like I will finally 'like' the Jonas Brothers when they have a reality show when they are in their mid-30s, similar to Corey Feldman and Corey Haim's show "The Two Coreys", a show about two child stars who still have a very stupid perspective on the world (and are recovering addicts).

I was alarmed when Beyonce bypassed her own acceptance speech and 'called Taylor back on stage' so that she could 'complete her speech', and Taylor Swift failed to realize that it 'was still a fake award' + failed to realize that 'she was just involved in a meme that could have been taken to the next level by indirectly calling Kanye West the n-word.'  Instead, she 'carried on' with her generic speech/theme [via thank yall], as if 'everything was made right' and 'honor' was restored to the Awards show/the Entertainment hierarchy.  It honestly seems like there is 'something mentally wrong with her' to 'fail to recognize the magnitude of the moment she is in.'  I do not like this moment, because people in the 'Entertainment World' actually think they are 'real people' with 'real feelings' in this clip.

My fave part of this video is at 1:29 when Perez Hilton 'puts his hand over his heart, as if he is watching 'a truly meaningful moment.'
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While many people believe that Kanye didn't deserve to 'ruin her moment', they are neglecting to remember how much they 'h88888 pop culture' and how it's 'suuuch a guilty please to consume gossip blogs and the E! network.'  Do u remember when it was trendy/insightful to have a cutting edge opinion on 'what a terrible person Paris Hilton is' and link it to 'the deterioration of the moral fabric of our society'? It seems like this Kanyegate 3.0 moment will always be remembered as when tweens learned that it was 'okay' to treat celebrity entertainment like it was 'real news' instead of gradually learning sports+entertainment are more fun to consume than 'important news' over the course of their lives'.

It seems like if ppl really wanted to 'stop caring about the practice of turning the actions of rich+famous people into coverable news', they would have embraced Kanye 'taking a shit on this white girl.'

If I had black skin, I would be insanely ashamed of Beyonce Knowles for 'giving Taylor Swift' her spotlight. The truth is, if you want to sell albums in the modern world, you must appeal to the white tween. All apologies issued in thie 'controversy' are meant to appease the white tween. You cannot cross the white tweens (note: minority tweens enjoy pretending to be white, as well). If you 'piss them off', they will not buy your mp3 on iTunes, or use their Best Buy gift certificate to purchase your album. They will not go to your concert. They will tweet about you, but it will not be positive. It seems like some1 should create an acronym with the same dark connotations that "W.A.S.P" has, except for White.Tweens.

As a society, we must come together and root for Kanye West to continue to create content & headlines. While he is genuinely pursuing greatness, his narcissistic qualities will surely lead to his premature death. This is more than about needing 'good guys' and 'bad guys' to create conflict and news. We need a stream of content that we can continually reflect upon. This is why we miss Michael Jackson so much, we had the opportunity to have fun watching him fall apart together. It was legitimately a bullying process that rallied all humans together. It didn't matter how smart or how dumb u were, there was something inherently funny about making fun of Michael Jackson's racial, sexual, and social identity. A type of humor that transcended educational levels and class divisions.

If you analyze Taylor Swift's 'award winning video,' you will realize that it is a 'fucking sham.' I think the gimmick/theme of the song, is supposed to be some sort of plea to a boy to like her because she has a beautiful+interesting+creative soul instead of the generic 'hot ass cheerleader type.'

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It seems like this video is supposed to appeal to 'tweens who feel left out'/like they don't 'fit in.' It is a song about sexual desire and obsession over one perfect boy, declaring that he 'belongs to you.' You are entitled to him. Feel good about who you are, because if he really got 2 know u, he would love u 4 all of the right reasons. Concepts like these lead to teenage obesity since kids are told that some1 will like them for 'what's inside.' They neglect to take care of their health, and eventually become mopey college students who sit around in a 'dreamworld' waiting on their modern Prince Charmbro.

I prefer Beyonce's  artsy booty video to Taylor Swift's high school puff piece.

Do u sometimes like 2 get drunk just 2 'see what happens'? [via alcoholism]

We must applaud Kanye for silencing the sweet,  yet poisonous essence of Taylor Swift.
Kanye West is a simple, raw human being. When it comes to 'love and relationships', he is not interested in creating some sort of meaningful quirky bullshit. He is a man who wants ass and titties. He is an honest man.

We must accept Kanye West as the true heir to the King of Pop--not because of his talent or his artistic interpretation of the world, but because of his ability to create content. He can rapidly produce albums as well as public incidents that are indicative of a deeply troubled human being. He transcends 'right and wrong' because he truly 'acts from the heart/soul' in a world where most people are too smart/deliberate/PR-managed to act upon their emotions. We must encourage him, embrace him, watch him accomplish great things, but most importantly, watch him truly start to 'panic' when he reaches his middle ages and the fear of mortality will drive him to seek more attention than ever.

Realistically, Kanye West seems to be the next 'big celebrity' who might die 'prematurely' in some sort of tragic/misunderstood event. As a society, we must rise up to create+seize the opportunity to experience the deaths of numerous famous people. We are 'regular people' but when some1 'famous dies', regular people finally get a chance to publicly reflect about the gift of life.

We have learned in 2009, that there is no greater news story to react to than the death of some1. Many of these death victims are not even very 'relevant' to Generation Y. But the process of digital mourning is too 'fun' to let some1 die without talking about them. When some1 'famous' dies, u get to share the meme with your friends, and ponder the person's realistic effect/impact on your life. It seems to be fun when you 'don't give a shit' that some1 famous died, but it is also 'equally enthralling' to experience the death of some1 who 'was a big part of celebrity culture' (thereby directly impacting ur life).

A lot of people say that twitter is a 'useless and boring display of humanity.' These people don't understand the true value of twitter--twitter is an instant window into the lives' of people. A chance to track the distractions that are filling up people's lives', momentarily taking over their brains. An impact significant enough to process a lil thought/meme about it. Whether it is a human, a product, a political scandal, a television show, a movie, or a celeb death, the twitter's portal into a generalized human psyche is priceless.

We must embrace the power of this tool. We must embrace all tools that allow us to reflect/share/digitally mourn.

We are growing up, learning how to use social networks to experience life together. We are learning how to mourn, celebrate, and crucify miscellaneous celebrities. We are learning that death memes are the memes that unite us. The internet/internet meme is a coping mechanism/opportunity. While events happen in 'reality' our opportunity to reflect upon them in a 'sillie lil online world' helps us to cope with how deeply rattled we are by the underlying themes of highly bloggable events.

When you say 'I don't give a shit' about this KanyeVs.TaylorSwift meme, it's like you're turning your back on humanity. You fail to realize that these are the only moments that we can all share together. These are the moments where you feel comfortable with the 'whole world' reacting. Even though it is a 'sillie lil award show', maybe everything in life is 'silly.' Maybe it's 'silly' that we elect a President of the USA every 4 years. Maybe it's sillie that we use 'money' 2 make our economy work. Maybe it's 'sillie' that we live life.

But u need 2 embrace this silliness with all of the ppl around u. We have been given the ability to analyze and interpret the world around us, and many social barriers are created by the content which you can analyze+interpret. When megamoments happen, you let your guard down, and find a lil bit of solace in knowing that 'every1 knows about this.' Sometimes you'll get mad if some1 has a dumb opinion, or if some1 uneducated tries to 'act like the have an authoritative perspective on real life.' You need to stop being so angry/exclusive with your thoughts, and surrender them to the collective consciousness which exists on the internet. Your thought/opinion is more valuable as part of a whole which can be analyzed as 'raw data.'

Sometimes, I wish the internet/twitter/meme distribution systems were more developed when Justin Timberlake ripped off Janet Jackson's breast-cover.

Sorta wish I had seen OJ Simpson as a trending topic during his car chase/trial.

We just want to share life with the people around us.
We just want to laugh at humor that every1 'gets.'
We just want the whole world to unite, kinda like how Michael Jackson used to help us unite around content, before the internet enabled every1 to go into their little niche. It seems like the internet has finally 'helped us 2 connect' with every1.

We just want to send a funnie picture 2 a friend.

We need to know that the leader of our country has the same values as us.

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We need to use memes to 'cope.' We need the internet.  We need to share ourselves and the world that we see.

We must design more memes.

Make them laugh. Make them remember their youth.

Make them laugh. Tie in a meme with another meme.

Appeal to all  humor levels, letting the meme move upmarket and downmarket.

We must always take the opportunity to objectify women.

Strive for the most absurd meme possible.

The vast collection of Kanye Interruption Memes will live forever.  They are modern cave paintings, capturing the way we communicate and tell stories.

Should Kanye 'be sorry'?  Did he dishonor himself, his brand, and the perceived 'love' that he had for his mother?  Did he take his brand to another level?  Is Kanye West depressed?  Will Kanye West 'kill himself' after his 5th South Park appearance?  Will Taylor Swift become a lesbian/star of a celeb reality show?  R u worried about tweens/the world, or are you starting to embrace the world as it is?

Kanye West has nothing to be sorry for. He did the right thing for himself. He did the right thing for the betterment of America. He did the unintentionally did the right thing for the advancement of 'the arts.'

Kanye West made me realize why life is worth living. My life is 'better' when I have better content 2 share with u.

How long am I going 2 have 2 wait for another socially transcendent moment?

“Shoplifting from American Apparel” by Tao Lin [EXCLUSIVE EXCERPT]

Hello, I'm Tao Lin.

You might know me as a frequent HIPSTER RUNOFF commenter when I am trying to promote my personal website heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com or as a model from the IAMCARLES campaign.

I recently wrote a novel called 'Shoplifting from American Apparel.' Some websites have reviewed it, and some have even 'panned' it. This book is intended to break into alternative markets. The title is 'very marketable' which is why I selected HIPSTER RUNOFF as a place to run this 'exclusive' excerpt. I have been told that many musicians 'debut' mp3s on certain music blogs, so I wanted to 'do the same thing' except with a book. (Full Disclosure: Carles and I are childhood friends. We also recently recorded our band's debut EP.)

Please enjoy the excerpt. I hope it compels you to 'buy' my novel. I check my Amazon sales rank on an hourly basis.

Author of Shoplifting from American Apparel,
Tao Lin
(Actually written by Carles.)

Please note: Carles does not endorse this product. Carles has not read this book. He only reads writings contained in web browsers. It is srsly the only way his brain can 'process' information.



EXCERPT From SFAA
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Should tweens and entry level alts boycott Girl Talk live performances because they are not ‘green’ enough?

PHOTOS BY CLARISSA ROUDABUSH VIA freewilliamsburg


As you know, I have refrained from blogging about the Girl Talk live experience because of his increasing levels of inauthenticity. However, I noticed a lot of terrible things happening at his show that have to do with one of my biggest passions--'going green.' For those of you who don't know, the phrase 'going green' relates to 'doing shit that will help 2 save our environment and keep humans around 4ever.' As u can see, Girl Talk's show is not very 'green.' Not sure what the opposite of 'going green' is.

It seems like the Girl Talk is a 'celebration of waste', like they are just converting a local park into a 'huge fucking dumpster.'

Not sure if toilet paper shooting technology really enhances the live music experience. Most bands I have seen did not construct 'waste machines' that fling paper into the air--instead they focus on making authentic indie rock.

People even find a way to use the wasted toilet paper as 'temporary clothes', then they probs 'wiped their metaphorical asses' b4 throwing it on the ground.

Probably is some sort of 'status symbol' at Girl Talk shows, much like mainstream kids are 'proud of their Abercrombie', alts at GT shows are 'proud that the Lord delivered them some toilet paper'

Photos like this make me 100% certain that the ice caps will melt, and the oceans will flood 90% of the land on Earth during my lifetime.

If I had some tweenage kids, I probably wouldn't let them attend a Girl Talk show. Not only are there structural dangers when it comes to '200 kids crashing a temporary stage', but also it seems like a 'big ass' 'tweenage fuckfest.'

Seems really unchill. Worried that there are 'altbro predators' there.

Ultimately, I am enraged that Girl Talk promotes such waste. We are trying to save the environment, but it seems like his live show figures that if 'shit gets crazy', then it is worth it. The concept of 'toilet paper' is wasteful, as is the act of 'shooting that shit into the air on top of a sea of alts.'

Ultimately, I am sad that Jaime, the latino man who works as a foreman for the Parks and Recreation Department will have to clean up the mess.

Put litter in its place.
Support GREEN artists.
Save the Environment.
Save Jaime.

PHOTOS BY CLARISSA ROUDABUSH VIA freewilliamsburg


Feeling sad in a celebration of waste.

Did Jason Schwartzman ‘let u down’ by ‘marrying a regular person’ instead of an ‘it girl’?


I recently read that Jason Schwartzman got married to a 'regular person' named the Brady Cunningham. I am not sure how to feel. I don't really feel that Jason Schwartzman is a 'real person.' I often pretend that he is the characterBros that he plays in movies, as if he is no different off screen than he is on screen. Because of this, I feel like many mainstream/malstream girls 'want to date a keut Jew-y indie boy' because of their 'infatuation with the indie aesthetic.'

Not sure how I feel about Jason Schwartzman. Feels weird that he married a 'regular person.' I wonder if a famous/altFamous person still has something in common with 'normal people.' Maybe they just need some1 who will help them to stay 'humble' or something/in touch with humanity.

Seems like I would have imagined him with some actress trying to 'piggyback' on his personal brand as a meaningful musician/actor.

Or possibly some 'hot mainstream ass'

Feel like if his career 'tanked', he might have become some sort of 'lovechild' of a relevant artist/director/CEO of Fortune 500 company

Can't believe JSchwartz is 'off the market.' Feeling sad, as if I will never get to chill with him, and pretend that he is still 'Max Fischer' and ask him questions about his movie roles as if he actually 'lived that life.' Feeling down. I heard that bros 'change' once they get married, like they are 40-90% 'less chill.'

Sorta wish SchwarBro married an alt-it girl, kinda like BenGibbard + Zooey Deschanel, or Green Ags and Ham, or even Devandy Barnie and Nattie Portman. It seems like it might be good for your alternative celebrity personal brand to 'be in a relaish' with another person who has indie credibility.

R u sad that this 'indie icon' has grown up (and so have u)?
Is it 'fair' to assume that actors are the exact same ppl as they play in the movies [via Heath Ledger]?
Should famous ppl get married in order to 'find love' or to 'advance their careers by creating brand synergy'?
Do u think that Jason Schwartzman's life will always be a disappointment because he didn't play ________ in the Royal Tenenbaums?

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