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Alternative Celebrity News


What r u going 2 be 4 Halloween?
These are some suggestions 4 relevant alt costumes...

Lana Del Rey

Tips: Make ur hair all pretty, put on tons of makeup, get fake lips/strategically use makeup to make ur lips big and 'pucker up' in every photograph. MUST HAVE BANGIN BOD.

Rapegazer and/or member of Salem

Tips: Dress like modern death, crack pipe burns on face, some sort of 'cross' jewelry

Alice Glass

Tips: skirt, leggings, hoodie, Alice Glass makeup, crowdsurf

Victoria LeGrand of Beach House

Tips: Curly hair/wig, blazer with shoulder pads, potentially have another bro in a huge sweater if u want to be 'Beach House' and not just Vicki


Tips: Wear an I Am Carles shirt [now available at]


Tips: Buy a rat/mouse mask, dress like a DJ

Tyler the Creator

Tips: Wear a SUPREME cap (might be funny if u made ur own), dress like a blipster, act like u 'dont give an eff'

Das Racist

Tips: Requires 3 'ethnic looking bros', dress like 'swaggy rappers' go on bender

Chaz Bundick

Tips: Wear glasses with clear frames, dress like a chill alt bro

Ethan Kath

Tips: Wear hoodie + jacket combo, look scary and unapproachable, bring bleepybloop keyboard with u


Tips: Get Skrillex/Win Butler haircut, glasses with large frames, look like a relevant dubstep DJ

James Blake

Tips: Wear a shirt that says 'I HATE SKRILLEX AND AMERICA'

Bebe Zeva

Tips: Look like a QT, rip off one of her 'signature looks' from her fashion blog [link], copy her eye makeup tutorial


Ariel Pink

Tips: Long hair, women's blouse, skinny pants/leggings, clogs, act like a lofi god + free spirit

Christopher Owens (Girls)

Tips: Dress kinda like the Ariel Pink costume

Electro-era Sufjan Stevens

Tips: Wear 'all black', but then go to Office Depot and purchase tons of neon labels, stickers, and tape

Caroline Polachek from Chairlift

Tips: Wear unitard, have BANGIN bod

Jamie xx

Tips: Wear all black, black jacket, black cap

Kickball Katy

Tips: Have red hair, look keut, carry around a guitar, wear shirt that says 'Vivian Girl'


Tips: Requires Bro + Girl, both have long hair/alternating parts, dress like ur in a buzzband

Donald Glover

Tips: Dress like a blipster/failed rapper

Steve Aoki

Tips: Dress like an alt DJ, prob helps to be AZN, wear long haired wig

Zooey Deschanel

Tips: Wear a cutesy dress, have bangs, blue colored contacts, tons of eyeliner to make ur eyes 'pop', jimmy jangle a tambourine all nite

Regine Chassagne

Tips: Wear some sort of ballerina dress, but maybe also an NBA jersey, bring a spirit ribbon to twirl around

Win Butler

Tips: Get a Skrillex haircut, wear a conceptual denim shirt, hire a ginger bro to follow u around all nite

Ezra Koenig / Vampy Weeks

Tips: Dress 'preppie', wear 'boat shoes', look keut, bring a gaggle of entry-level alt QTs to a Halloween partie with u

Alexis Krauss from Sleigh Bells

Tips: Wear tank top + tube top, leggings, potentially a leather jacket, have bangs, draw on colorful sleeve tat

Lindsay Lohan

Tips: Dress like a hauttie/zombie

Tips: Dress like a ▲.

Tips: Dress like a ✝.

Will u be Carles for Halloween?

What relevant alt celebs r missing from this list?
DO u have any good alt Halloween gimmicks?
WIll mainstreamers know who u r if ur an altceleb?
What r u going to be for Halloween?
A relevant alt celeb?
Something sexie?
Will u enter the HRO HALLOWEEN CONTEST this year?
What are some of ur costume ideas?

Prince of Dubstep Skrillex spotted bronoodling with King of Alt Jared Leto

Jared's VIP Diary - Entry Log Date 00:004:032 044/32/20 AFTER THE DEATH OF CHRIST (AKC - AFTER KURT COBAIN)

I met Skrillex today. Yes, he was intimidated by me, not just because I was wearing some sort of samurai ninja dress, but because I am Jared Leto, King of Alt. I am familiar with his status as the Prince of Dubstep. He rules one of the regions of my alt kingdoms, a thriving dubstepian region that lays beyond the RapeGaze Swamplands, but above the pampa that the White Man's Indie Suburbs have overtaken.

It is beautiful to see all of my Alt Lands. Floating down the steampunk river, beyond the indie rap Badlands, making our way into the LoFi Mountains. This is our beautiful land, and I am honored to have Skrillex leading the developing country of Dubstepia as the Prince of Dubstep. There are many important internal policy issues that this developing nation shall have to make. Healthcare, glowstick assistance for the poor, crowd control issues--they are facing a unique set of problems. The diversity of Dubstep Nation makes them a peaceful people.

Difficult times call for difficult decisions that will shape the future of the Electro Continent. God bless you, Prince Skrillex of the Dubstepian tribe. May your region thrive, see an economic festival rave boom, and may your electro tariffs and taxes fund the next great Renaissance in all of Alt. It is time for us to give up on the dying White Man's Indie.

I am Jared Leto. King of Alt.

You live in my Altopia?

You're welcome,

Jared Leto

Actor, Buzzband

Jared Leto is an alternative actor, and the lead singer of the band 30 Seconds to Mars.

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Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Skrillex is a popular dubstep DJ who is arguably the #1 alt DJ in the world.

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Is Elin Kastlander of the jj the next big female indie sex icon?

Lately, I've been rlly in2 Elin Kastlander
Her buzzband the jj is pretty 'whatever' sounding
but I can't help but see oodles of indie potential within her
like she can maybe become 'the next Bjork'
if she just wears zany enough shit
and if her band keeps making 'weird, conceptual' music videos

Just saw their new music video, and it rlly seems like they are
trying to elevate jj's personal brands
Elin is singing all sad in a church
Doing some 'acting'

Really feel like my crush on Regine might be 'done'
And I need to move on to a new 'hot piece of indie a$$'
Elin might be the one...

U look beautiful
So close up

"I want to kiss you" -Joe Namath

Long, curly hair
beautiful face
beautiful voice
beautiful on the inside and out

Ur voice is beautiful
U 'bring it' in the live setting
I wanna b with u

Dont rlly mind the 'other bro' in their band either
He seems 'chill', like he knows the band belongs 2 Elin

I'll never forget the time u 'covered' Nirvana's hit song "Lithium"
That was 1 of the first songs I learned on guitar
but u know, u added ur own thang 2 it
and I respect that

Can't stop thinking abt u
and maybe I can quit my mediocre American desk job
and move 2 Sweden with u
and I can help ur band somehow

Honestly, u kinda remind me of the Pigeon Lady from Home Alone 2

And I feel like I am Kevin McAllister
Getting 2 be with u
grow with u
learn abt life + the true spirit of indie

Oh Elin...
U turn the world on with ur smile

(plz ignore the 2 eyeball fucking members of The xx in the background)

Who is the #1 indie songstress in female music?
R u still crushing hard on Vicki LeGrand?
Is Alice Glass gonna be 'replaced'?
Do u still want to make luv 2 Bethany?
Is Regine still ur '#1 indie QT'?
Will the jj make 'the leap' to relevant alt indie band, or will they just be placed in the Salem-esque 'no1 understands why they are considered 2 be relevant, but it is just funnie 2 keep blggng abt them' category?
Does the jj 'effing blow'?
Do u <3 Elin bc there is 'more 2 luv'?
Can Elin brand herself as 'the next Beth Ditto' if she plays up the 'size doesn't matter' gimmick and gains 100 more pounds?
Which was the most authentic Home Alone movie?


U'll always be like the wind... [link]

U, Win Butler.
U Win, Butler.
U Won Regine.
U Won, Win.
Win, U Won.
Win Butler, U Won Regine
Regine, FTW
Regine is For The Win

-Carles accepting that Regine will nvr belong 2 him

Do yall <3 Elin?
Can Elin become 'grade A indie songstress a$$'?

Oh Elin...




jj is some indie band that remixes popular mainstream hiphop songs and sings weird lyrics over them and for some reason is 'critically acclaimed.'

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"I'm Back." -Deakin

In 2006, Deakin left Animal Collective due to mysterious, unknown reasons. Today, Deakin rejoined the band. This is his official press release/letter to the fans + indiesphere.

Hi guys

It's me
The Deak

The Deak is back
I know AnCo sucked pretty hard when I left the band
making that poopy album Merriweather Post Pavillion
But it's chill

I'm back
I know every1 was missing the Deak
I bring a lot to the table
Way more than Panda and Avey (especially Geo)

It's gonna be great to be back in the team environment
collab-ing on some music
I had a really great run as a solo artist
But it's time to take my talents to AnCo
[via The_Decision]

Maybe I never realized how good I had it
I didn't see what the band could become
Let's get serious
Never thought this many people would actually like our music

So weird what the AnCo brand has become without me
It's weird to think abt what it would have become if I had stayed in the band

Honestly I am a pretty far out dude
and I gotta admit, most of the stuff I'm doing is really random
a lot of guessing and checking
have no idea what I'm doing

I feel like the band will finally sound a lot better now that I'm back though
Feel like MPP was 'missing something'
Most of the songs sound rlly 'incomplete' 2 me
All AnCo sounds sound better with a touch of Deak

It's cool that I took a break
got to do my own thing
Still got to bang tons of entry level anco broads
who were like 'did u write the song My Girls?'
and I was just like 'yeah'
even though that song kinda sucked, honestly
But at least I got my "D" "S-ed"

The Deak is back in town
and I hope u bitches are ready 2 get ur mind blown
Honestly was difficult because I was kicked out of the band
due to internal conflict with 1 of the members

but srsly though
those dudes missed me
I am great for team chemistry
and pull the best 'jackass' style pranks on the road

U shoulda heard all of the messages they left me every week
begging me to join them on tour
Those dudes know they can't live without me
I'm the fucking Deak

Noah, Dave, Brian...
I'm back, bitches
and we're gonna turn this ship around
No offense, you guys have done a deece job
but shit is gonna get serious
No more fucking around like yall usually do

Get your fucking popcorn ready.
The Deak is back.

Your favourite indie celebrity,
Josh "Deakin" Dibb

Do u think it is chill that Deakin is back in AnCo?
Was he an important member of AnCo?
Will Panda sit out of the next AnCo touring cycle?
Should Geo, Pand and Avey have 'manned up' and said 'listen bro--we're just fine without u'?
Do u know why Deakin left Animal Collective?
Does the universe seem 'right' now that AnCo is a 'four man outfit' again?
Does Deakin seem 'like an a-hole' or 'the ultimate chill bro'?

Cheer Up, Andrew VanBroGardyn

Photo via Brooklyn Vegan by Tim Griffin

Cheer up, Andrew VanWyngarden!
#itgetsbetter, I promise
I know ur still bummed about Congratulations
but it doesn't mean u have to get all mopey

U look cold and distant
U look dead on the inside
like u r 'totally over' the indie scene
like u don't care what the blogosphere thinks abt u
but maybe u do
maybe u don't
only the Indie God knows

Listen, maybe I was hard on u
Maybe the album isn't even that bad
maybe I finally 'get it'
maybe u were right
maybe it will be the album of the year

let's try to think about some positives to cheer u up
Remember ur album art? That was a pretty cool meme...

U have a major label record deal
U can make another album and u have our attention
That's not a bad thing

A lot of ppl will be waiting for u to fail
so maybe if u exceed their limited expectations
U will be perceived as a 'huge success'
'rebounding from a disaster'
'getting ur swag back'

Cheer up bro.
Ur depressing me, for real.

U don't have 2 play "KIDS" any more, okay?
We get it
u h8 that song
but don't just 'half ass it' on stage in a resentful way.
kinda harsh


Maybe u can 'rearrange' the song
make it all depressing + boring + unapproachable or something
I know it is difficult to write a perfect song
similar to the Eagle's "Hotel California"

Just want u 2 cheer up
Life's not too bad.
Don't give up

Loosen up, bro
Unbutton that top button
and just learn to <3 life again
learn to <3 the power of buzz

Some people would give anything 2 be where u r right now
Cheer up broski.
Cheer up, Andy VanBroGarden!

Can MGMT 'revive' their careers?
Is Andrew VanWynGarden depressed?
Do u think MGMT is 'happy' or 'sad' on the inside?
Do u think KIDS.mp3 is the best indie song of all time?
What is next for MGMT?
Is Andy VanWyny a total QT?
Do u have any advice for depressed members of buzzbands?
Are depressed ppl in buzzbands 'effing spoiled'?
Would u ever be depressed if u were in an authentic/well-monetized buzzband?

Can Regine Chassagne of the Arcade Fire become ‘the next female indie sex icon’?

Photos by SPIN

Oh Regine Chassagne I don&#39;t know much abt u but know ur the girl from the Arcade Fire Have had my eye on u for a while Regine... Not even sure how to pronounce ur name but getting rlly in2 u Oh Regine... Sometimes I see u on stage, jimmy jangling a tambourine Other times u will playing some sort of weird accordian instrument ur super enigmatic Like a &#39;foreign chick&#39; at college who all the bros &#39;want&#39; Sometimes I wonder if u r kinda like if the Beatles had let Yoko Ono in2 the band and Yoko would have had the chance to prove that she &#39;can ball over all&#39; and make the band way more authentic / help them to write better songs evolve into a &#39;global indie brand&#39; Wonder if the Beatles missed out/coulda stayed together if they let Yoko in2 the band. Feel like maybe the Arcade Fire would be 100% better / 100% worse with/without Regine Oh Regine... Ur kinda cute Ur from Haiti, right? U kinda remind me of a mix of Feist, Alice Glass, Zooey Deschanel, Bethany Cosentino, Ke$ha and some1 else that is hot/ post-hot in an alt kind of way Regine... Can&#39;t believe Win Butler married u He&#39;s lucky But at the same time, kinda wonder if he regrets not getting to &#39;bang&#39; tons of indie skank road ass If u have Regine U don&#39;t need entry level skanks who &#39;love ur music&#39; U already have The Regine Really interesting that they let you sing lead vocals "Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)" &#39;arguably&#39; the best song on the album THE SUBURBS


Can&#39;t tell if ur voice can really &#39;hold up&#39; Part of me wants Win 2 sing that song but maybe it was his gift to u to let u into this buzzband Regine... I believe I could slot u into any band and make them sexier/more relevant Regine--I believe in u Oh Win How did u do it? U started the #1 indie rock band in the history of the world and u got Regine Ur a lucky man U deserve it What I wouldn&#39;t give 2 wake up in neighborhood #3 in the suburbs with Regine Oh Regine Been watching u so closely from the very beginning Ur more than just a female multi-instrumentalist U r &#39;the glue&#39; of the Arcade FireAfter the M.I.A. anti-ginger wave really don&#39;t like the ginger guy who &#39;bangs on shit&#39; No way that dude is &#39;the glue&#39; of the Arcade Fire U gotta give it up 4 my girl Regine Oh Regine let&#39;s just go back to our childhood homes in suburbia and throw molotov cocktails at houses / cars we&#39;ll start a buzzband and write an album about &#39;rising above&#39; my suburban past Honestly not even sure who is &#39;in&#39; the Arcade Fire Who actually &#39;has equity&#39; in the band and who is just a &#39;hired gun&#39; to &#39;fill basketball arenas&#39; with sound Not sure who that other non-Regine girl but she is kinda keut (But she is no Regine) Oh Regine... Oh Regine... Regine Regine Regine... Might give up on Alice Glass and put &#39;all of my eggs&#39; in the Regine Chassagne basket Do u <3 Regine? Is Regine way better than Best Coast? Is Regine the &#39;Yoko Ono&#39; of indie music? Could u slot Regine into any indie band and make them more relevant? Do u crush harder on Regine or Zooey Deschanel? Should Regine &#39;go solo&#39; and ride the slutwave? Is Regine mad talented, or &#39;just along for the ride&#39;? Behind every great man, is there a great woman? Or behind every successful woman, is there a man making decisions/pressing buttons? Is there something about Regine? Who is the current &#39;sexiest woman alive&#39; in indie music? <3 indie vagine

Arcade Fire


The Arcade Fire is a 2k0s indie band that went mainstream because their songs sound like meaningful anthems. They pretend to be Canadian but Win Butler (lead singer) is actually from Houston, TX.

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Regine Chassagne

Alternative Celebrity

Regine Chassagne is wife of Win Butler. Many say she should be kicked out of the Arcade Fire because she has a terrible voice.

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A list of people on the cover of the new Sufjan Stevens EP

Sufjan Stevens recently released the hit indie EP, The All Delighted People EP. A lot of people have been emailing me, asking, "Yall who is on the cover of the Sufjy EP? So many faces... Just wish I could figure it out. Seems like it might tell the complex story of Sufjan Stevens' life. Wonder if it explains who he is as a musician/indie buzzband/human being."

Who are all of these bros on the Sufjan Stevens EP cover?

1. Sufjan's ethnic maid who cleans out his buzzband loft space
2. Goth teen who Sufjan befriended Sufjy outside of a Hot Topic in 2k6
3. Sufjan's high school photo. What a dork, yall!
4. The leader of Sufjan's parent's Christian militia cult
5. Sufjan's landlord. Kinda helped him out a lot b4 he got rich.
6. Christian Bale
7. Guy who Sufjan used to 'play hookie from school' with
8. Jeff's first AZN friend
9. Jonny Taylor Thomas [via JTT]
10. The guy who fixes Sufjan's lil yellow van that he purchased after Little Miss Sunshine
11. The first 'pair of titties' that Sufjan fondled during adolescence
12. The first 'grown up' that Sufjan
13. Lenny Kravitz
14. Sufjy's All-State insurance broker
15. the CEO of
16. Sufjy's first twink that he keeps enslaved in his 'sex dungeon'
17. David Duchovny, star of the X-Files
18. the Hit MP3 'I want to Fly Away' by Lenny Kravitz
19. the cast of the Golden Girls
20. Prostitute / P.O.W. who saved Sufjan's life during Vietnam
21. Sufjan's first illegitimate son, Sufjan Jr.
22. Sufjan's first illegitimate daughter, Sufjette
23. Sufjette Jr. the III
24. Another 'roadie' claims this is his child. Has not taken paternity test yet
25. A child that Sufjan abducted from a local McDonalds playground
26. Erotic porn star from the 1990s who took Sufjy's 'beating off' virginity
27. Sufjan's college dorm Resident Adviser. Was super chill abt 'drinking' in the dorm room
28. Chris Martin from Coldplay, huge influence
29. Sufjan's step-sister who his stepdad forced on this cover
30. Sufjan's domineering father
31. Sufjan's dad's mistress who he left his mom for and married
32. Dude from Pete & Pete
33. a young Bobby DeNiro
34. Local AZN dry cleaning bro
35. Dry cleaners AZN employee. 'Light on the starch' -sufjy's pants
36. 14 year old sniper who Sufjan was forced to murder during Vietnam to prove to his brigade that he awas a 'real man' who hated commies.
37. Class Bully who made Sufjy's life hell in middle school
38. Jeff Goldblum
39. Sufjette IV (illegitimate child)
40. Guy who Sufjan used to emotionally bully
41. Young Santa Clause
42. Sufjan's high school music teacher
43. Guy who Sufjan got 'experimental' with at band camp
44. A 'fuck doll' who Sufjan treated like a real human for _ years.
45. Sufjan's favorite casserole
46. Sufjan's life coach
47. Sufjan's Grandma
48. Sufjan's angsty teen little brother who the entire family is 'somewhat ashamed of'
49. Sufjan's grandfather who gave him his first banjo
50. The bass player from Vampire Weekend
51. Emerill (Sufjan loves the Food Network)
52. Pat Tillman (R.I.P.)
53. One of the Golden Girls again
54. Guy who Sufjan Stevens stole his first songs from
55. Another road baby (so hard 2 be an indie musician)
56. Leonardo Di Caprio--Sufjan's biggest celebrity crush
57. Noah Lennox (Panda Bear
58. Guy who made Sufjan's myspace layout
59. Bam Margera (Sufjan was an original cast member of Jack Ass)
60. Santa Clause 'fuck doll'
61. Serial Killer
62. indie stalker who won't leave Sufjy alone
63. A cool dad from Pavement
64. Sufjan's Weed dealer
65. The girl who runs the Sufjan Stevens Unofficial twitter account
66. Son who is Sufjan recently found out was 'not his' after going on Maury Povich
67. The bass player from the Strokes
peen: Sufjan's erect peen in some cute lil shorty shorts
68. an NBA Basketball player, possible LeBron James
69. 90210 Cast member
70. a ninja
71. hornie bro
72. hornie bro spread eagle
73. Sufjan's son with his first wife
74. AZN guy who gets Sufjan black market audio equipment/cute, fake designer purses
75. Sufjan's old hunting buddy
76. Guy who works at AT&T store
77. Newborn illegitimate son
78. Guy who owns Sufjan's fave organic California-style burrito restaurant
79. Deakin from AnCo
80. Johnny Knoxville
81. Illegal immigrant who Sufjan employed for 2 years before she was deported when he outsourced banjo work
82. Kim Kardashian--Sufjy <3s junk tv
83. woman from Sufjan's cult
84. Kid who wandered into the Sufjan compound, not sure who he is
85. Kid A
86. 2 many kids, yall
87. The dictator of South Korea
88. Daniel Gill, CEO of Forcefield PR
89. Samuel L Jackson
90. Sufjan's dental hygienist
91. Mark Zuckerberg
92. the cobrasnake bro
93. Photographer teen who travels with Sufjy cuz he ran away from home
94. Aunt Jemimah--Sufjy <3s pancakes
95. Youth group leader from Sufjan's teen church with modern themes
96. The lady who taught Sufjan how 2 play banjo
97. Tonya Harding
98. Sufjan XXI
99. Guy who is plotting the assassination of Sufjan
100. An 'effing hipster' who Sufjan is making fun of
101. One of Sufjan's three wives and five husbands [via progressive cult]
102. Sufjanito
103. Jack Black--Sufjy <3s Tenacious D song structures
104. Unidentified AZN man
105. Sufjan's Body Guard
106. The World's youngest Sufjan fan
107. bro who has the flu

Do yall know who any of these people are?
Did I miss any1/mis-identify some1?

Just wanna get to know to know Sufjan... Maybe his stories are in his music, but 'wanna get to know more abt him' so I can determine whether or not I wanna ride the folkwave with him. Seems like a 2k5-2k7 type of genre, but Sufjan might be so keut and dreamy that I will look into his eyes and get swept away (as opposed to some bro with a mangled beard).

Do u think this album cover tells his life story?
If u made a collage of people in ur life, would it have 500+ people or 1-10 people?
R u disappointed by this EP, or are u gonna ride his folkwave?
Does Sufjan Stevens have a 'high level' personal brand, or do u want him to develop a little bit more as a human meme indie celeb? Should he start a twitter or something? [via M.I.A. theory]

Do yall like Sufjan's collage on his album art, or do u wish he had a chillwave jacuzzi party with a bunch of 'underaged kids' + a collective of animals, similar to the cover of Panda Bear's Person Pitch? (Wonder if these are Noah Lennox's illegitimate kids).

Do yall know if more indie celebs have illegitimate road children (similar to professional athletes), or do the girls who have the babies 'abort' because they know buzzband members usually aren't rich?

The World's Biggest Lady Gaga Fan: SHANNON GAGA UNCOVERED

Have u met Shannon Gaga? She is arguably the world's biggest Lady Gaga fan.

Shannon Gaga: The Dead End of Western Civilization

An In Depth Profile Piece by Carles, freelance journalist and Editor N Chiefs of HRO blog

In a previous article of writing, I asked the world, "Who is the world's biggest Lady Gaga fan?" I wanted to know about a fan who completely outsourced her personal brand to Lady Gaga. Who had the balls to become 'more than just a fan', completely dedicating her life to Lady Gaga. What fan truly 'gets' Lady Gaga and has become an unofficial spokesperson for Lady Gaga?

Meet Shannon Gaga. More than just any other Lady Gaga Fan.

Some say she is 'completely out of touch with reality', but her new found fame will have her coming into a living room near u on ur television sets. She is an avalanche, picking up steam, rolling down the pop culture mountain ready to slam in ur face.

The story of Shannon Gaga is about a girl from Corpus Christi, TX, who evolved out of her cocoon into a beautiful butterfly, all by being exposed to the positive female messages transmitted by the art of Lady Gaga.

It all started with 1 lofi vlog in the dorm room of Shannon Annette Cantu's Texas State University dorm room, but through months of hard work and tons of high level exposure, it has become something more than just a youtube sensation or a story of the week. She is truly an individual who is also a lot like Lady Gaga.


Eventually, she became a bonafide super fan celebrity. She decided to take her brand to the next level by making a series of sexy videos and doing live performances around town. Her confidence grew with each show, and brought us modern marvels, like this video, where she rolls around on a campus volleyball court, pretending that the sand is a sexy beach, forming Gaga-esque sexy vibes for all of us to be inspired by.


Understanding Shannon Gaga is about as complex as understanding the Real Lady Gaga. Here is Shannon Gaga's manifesto, taken from her blog:


People are wondering who is "Shannon Gaga?" But that remains to be said. People have asked me 'Why Lady Gaga? What makes you so interested in her?' She inspired me. She changed me. I looked at my old journals, my old life and some old pictures and say, 'How did this happen?' Why didn't I choose Britney or when I was younger do Hilary Duff (which was a long time ago). Because GaGa did what she did. She changed me. As the song from Wicked says, "I have been changed for good..." I am sure, that whoever reads this, is either a fan or a hater. Haters-I don't think you "hate" me. We just use that word now. In fact, most of you probably dislike something about me. Maybe that I'm a big girl. Maybe that I like Lady GaGa a lot. Maybe that I love to perform and not ashamed. I'm pretty certain there are some that dislike me, because they disliked me in high school. They didn't know who I was. I just was a student at King High School. Or maybe I was smarter than you or something else. Who knows? I'm certain that if I just went to class, like Comm 1310 or something, and did 'normal' stuff. I'm pretty sure, you'll not like me either way. I am living life to the fullest. Some of you don't understand me. Well, I am a complex person. I think differently than most people, I now VERBALIZE my emotions more, and even though I may seem shy and weak every now and then. There's a tough girl behind that sweet, innocent facade. You know what? I'm doing this for fame or attention. I don't care about fame or money anymore. Fame, is something that just happened along the way. Fame is a ride-sometimes smooth like on a road, and sometimes it an emotional roller coaster-with jerks and twists and turns. And money, that's just whatever. Yes, I need money (as we all do) but it's not everything to me. Or fame. I never expected anything like this to happen. So, if you're reading this, you will know more of me. I usually give people changes-I try not to judge people. I don't care about what race you are or your sexuality or your size. Those are just labels. You all, have your ideas, of normal, and sometimes normal isn't good enough for anyone. But remember, I am Shannon Annette Cantu "Gaga" and I am proud of who I am. And whether I'm famous or not, whether I'm fat, skinny, big-boobed, or whatever, you can't change that. And Gaga, if you ever read this, I hope you learned something about me. Just like you taught me about you.
Love Shannon "Gaga" Cantu, Princess Monster

In addition, here is a selected tweet from her twitter account, @ShannonGaga20

It seems like Shannon Gaga has truly become a top tier celebrity, soon to get a record deal and end up on MTV. Fans seem to have a natural affinity towards her story. She is an artist of the people, inspired by true life and real sexual desires.

Shannon Gaga is more than just another fan. She is not just a 'Little Monster', which is what Lady Gaga calls her fan. She is a big monster, and a force to be reckoned with.

It seems like she has become a micro celebrity in the San Marcos / Austin central Texas scene. In this video, members of the campus community react to her brand since they see her wearing Gaga gear all around campus. Some say that she is truly a free spirit. Others claim that she is 'borderline retarded', and doesn't realize that people are only really laughing at her.


Just watched her get interviewed by a local radio show. They seem to keep 'cyber bullying her' about her weight, and ask her why she is wearing such a slutty dress, even though she is a massive human being. Then she gives an inspired live performance, showcasing her true vocal talents.


Does Shannon Gaga fail to 'get it', or do we fail to 'get' Shannon Gaga?

Name That Alt Celeb Lookalike (all black QT edition)

Name that Alternative Celebrity Lookalike is a fun lil game where u have 2 guess which alt celeb this regular alt looks like. Even though regular alts can't be buzzworthy humans, they can at least try 2 mimic their personal brands.

Photo by Chicago Looks

Can't quite put my finger on who she looks like...


  • She is known as 'the Rosie O'Donnell' of buzzband members
  • Her band usually wears all black
  • Sometimes her vocals are compared to singers like Chris Isaak, Dido, and other members of the Lilith Fair
  • Her voice is 'less froggy' than Zooey Deschanel's
  • She is known for 'showing her tits' in crazy party pix
  • She is married to another member in her band
  • She has an Agyness Deyn type of vibe
  • She is a huge fan of England in the World Cup, tweeting that 'the Americans should fucking die'
  • She loves social media, and even has a friendster profile
  • Many say that the man in her band 'carries the weight', and she is just used as eye candy
  • She sometimes uses autotune rap.
  • She was great on Fallon

Who do yall think she looks like?
Really need yalls help.

The person who correctly identifies her will receive 500 runoff points redeemable at the iamcarles web shop.

What 'relationship nickname' should we use when we refer to WAVVES and Best Coast?

I remember when 'Bennifer' was invented, the greatest nickname in the history of celebrity relationship. It really drove up the demand to give a 'short nickname' to every couple just to save headline space.

Feel like more alt celebrities need better nicknames. As a member of the alternative media, I want to do more to 'make sure they get press' for being in a relationship with another indie artist. Sorta wonder why more

I remember when Agyness Deyn and Albert Hammond Jr were dating.

Wonder what Ben Gibbard + Zooey Deschanel's nickname should be.

I feel like WAVVES + Best Coast are the 'new alt celeb couple that every1 is talking about.' People love to get caught up in the spirit of an indie relationship. We imagine them sitting in their apartment, blazing, writing love songs, and being just like normal ppl, except with tons of blog indie cred. Sorta wish I had a chill ass GF/BF who was an indie star. Feel like no1 else would understand my life.

What should be the relationship nickname of WAVVES + BEST COAST?

o) Choose.Ur.Own.Response

Do u 'care' about this relaish?
Do u think their albums will 'deliver'?
What is a good name that represents their relaish?
It is a good idea for them to ride their relationship meme to 'get more press'?
What happens if one of their albums is better than the other 1s? Will there be 'trouble in paradise'?
Do u think WAVVES bro bought some new furniture at IKEA with his Mountain Dew money?
Should more alt celebs get into relationships with other alt celebs to 'generate more press'?
Should they 'write a duet', creating an mp3 that helps the indie blogosphere understand what indie love is?

Best Coast


Best Coast is a fuzzy buzzy band that sings abt dank, California, boys, and kitty cats

Read more>>>>



WAVVES is a fuzzy buzzy buzzband that sings about aliens, marijuana and being a failure in life but laughing abt it because u r high.

Read more>>>>

Name that altceleb lookalike (Grandma Edition)

Name that Alternative Celebrity LookAlike is a fun gimmick game where u see a picture of a normal alternative person who looks kinda like a famous alternative buzz artist or musician. Can u guess who this old lady kinda looks like?

Photos via Hel Looks

She looks really familiar...can't quite put my finger on who she reminds me of... this is rlly driving me crazie.  plz help


  • She is in a buzzband from the UK with 2 letters
  • She is an 'it girl'
  • She is part of a Canadian hardcore 8bit duo
  • She is 'sexie'
  • She formerly dated one of the Strokes
  • Her family was featured in an MTV reality show in the late 1980s.
  • She can play the harp
  • She is married to Ben Gibbard
  • She is on a Bravo TV show
  • she is in a band, but has also been on magazine covers.
  • She is the world's 7th iPad DJ
  • she sometimes DJs topless
  • She was recently hired by Mountain Dew to make a few mp3s that taste like soda

The person who correctly identifies the alternative celebrity will receive a free Genre Shirt from the I AM CARLES store.

Who do yall think she looks like?

Alice Glass

Alternative Celebrity

Alice Glass is the lead singer of Crystal Castles. She is known for her KrAzY onStAgE aNtiCs.

Read more>>>>

New M.I.A. song about hating / wanting to kill gingers

Hey yall. After watching M.I.A.'s music video about h8ing gingers, and wanting to wipe them off the planet [link], I decided to guess the lyrics to a song that she might write about how she wants to wipe every famous and non famous red headed person from our Earth.

Killin Em Gingas

written by Maya Arulpragasam (stage name: M.I.A.)

[gun shots]
[sounds of people running + violence]

Gingas, Gingas
Boom boom ba boom le beeem
Gonna shoot up your bitch asses
even u Carrot Top

Give food and money to the poor
US Government is bullshit faggts
Fuck the UK government too
gotta rid the Earth of Prince Harry and his ginga ass

Lady Di and Prince Charles
paparazzi crash
bitches and ho's

[gun shots]

Molly Ringwald.
Boom. Ur Dead

Danny Bonnaduce gonna get taken down

Lindsay Lohan. u better dye ur hair bitch

Gingas Gingas
Fallin down
boom shacka lacka
we takin down da government
burnin down da white haus

tweet boom tweet boom ba boom

Ariel from Little Mermaid
gonna drown the mutha fuckin ginger
in a sea of bullets
cartoon violence in real life

gonna strangle Shaun White with his gold medals
snow boardin ain't a real sport

Julianne Moore gonna go down
Big Lebowski ass bitch
gonna get boom de boomed

X files Lady gonna disappear
Gingers be goin down gingers be down down

Eric Stoltz in the movie Mask
ur the 1 I'm gonna take down

Gingas Gingas
Crash like paper planes
Put gingers in internment camps
and execute them
1 by 1
or in a gas chamber

Danny Bonaduce roid rage

Gonna take u down like the lil ginger bitch u r inside
boom boom cmon cmon de boom

CONTINUE READING this anti-ginger manifesto

Should Lil Wayne be allowed to blog + sell ‘merch’ from jail?

I recently read a news story about how Lil Wayne launched a new blog from jail. It seems like he is trying to utilize a blog to keep his brand alive. He is also selling t-shirts that say 'Free Weezy.' Instead of letting people think he is a 'criminal' who is 'getting his ass pounded' behind bars, he wants people to know he is having a 'deep, reflective experience.'

Love. Live. Life. Proceed. Progress. That’s who I am and who I’ll always be. You see, we’re all living on borrowed time, so I’m not worried about this situation. Life happens quick. The more time you spend contemplating what you should have done…you lose valuable time planning what you can and will do. Trying to tear down the past prohibits you from building up your future. So for my time here, my physical will be confined to the yard. My love and my spirit, however, know no boundaries.

I have always been afraid 2 go 2 jail because I thought it was a place where you don't have any rights, you eat dog food slop, and you get 'raped in the ass' until you murder some1 to prove that ur 'a prison baller.' It seems like a scary place (based on the movies I have seen about prison). I wouldn't have the same freedoms I have in normal society if I lived in a prison. There would be no HD TV, no personal space, no macbooks, no memes, no youtube videos, no retail shopping opportunities, no high quality fast food, and tons of minorities/uneducated ppl who don't care how 'alt' u r.

Wonder how Lil Wayne is blogging. Is there some sort of computer lab where all of the prisoners can go to watch pornography, update their twitters, change their myspace layouts, pay their cable bill, and email with their family?

If they do have a computer lab, I hope they have really shitty computers that have a bunch of spyware slowing them down.

Wonder if he has his own room with a Macbook computer. He can chill in bed while he blogs, then other prisoners might shank him in the middle of the night 2 try to steal his Macbook

It seems unfair that Lil Wayne gets to blog from jail. I feel like he did something that was harmful to society, so he should be banned from having internet privileges. Wonder if all prisoners get the same treatment he gets. I imagine him sitting in a room watching MTV / ESPN, eating pringles, doing drugs, and just living life in some sweet room.

Does n e 1 know if racism in jail exists? [via American History X]

Maybe he joined a sweet Mexican prison gang

If I lived in the same prison as Lil Wayne, I would probably try to bro down hard with him, then expect a job from him when we get out of jail.

It seems 'bad for America' that we can glorify this bro who is 'behind bars.' H8 how rappers think that they get more 'cred' if they go to jail, because they have more content to rap about. Always need to prove that they 'aren't scared' and that they have 'overcome difficult circumstances' to evolve into a human who rhymes about 'having sex with tons of girls with big asses.' Feel like maybe Obama should pass a law that rappers have to retire when they go to jail in order to keep them from setting a bad example for white American kids.

Sorta wish OJ Simpson had a blog. Feel like people want to hear what that bro is up 2.

Wonder if Lil Wayne will end up 'preferring life on the inside', then when he is about to be released, he will perform a crime to stay behind bars instead of having to deal with the outside world.

Should I send him a care package? Might send him a knife baked into a batch of herbal brownies.

Is Lil Wayne able to get the drugs he needs behind bars?
Should blogging be allowed behind bars?
Should Lil Wayne get the death penalty?
Should prisoners only be allowed to read 5th grade reading level books?
Is life in prison like the Shawshank Redemption? American History X? The Green Mile?


Is Lil Wayne a 'prison wife' [via sodomy]?
R u scared to go to jail, or does it seem like a chill place where you can have a cute lil blog / tumblr?
Has n e 1 ever been to jail/prison? Feel free 2 share ur experiences and levels of internet privileges in the comments.

Name That Celebrity Alt Lookalike (Xtreme QT Edition)

Doesn't she kinda look like some1? Still trying to figure out who it is...
Can u help me? Who does this qt look like?

Photo by Yvan Rodic

Hey Yall. I was just looking at pix of beautiful people in relevant cities, and I couldn't help but notice this female. It seems like she has a strong resemblance to some1, but I can't really even figure it out.


  • She's a QT
  • She's a 'diva'
  • She is pop art / pop star
  • She is the most important artist in the history of modern art since Andy Warhol
  • She loves 2 get naked
  • She usually wears a wig
  • She is a conceptual thinkpiece human
  • Even though she looks like 'New Jersey trash', she actually has a 'high taste level' in everything
  • She has collabed with some of the most important artists of all time, like Elton John, Beyonce, and Colby O'Donnis
  • She has a passionate fan base of females without an identity
  • She has a passionate fan base of homosexuals
  • She is in the band GIRLS
  • She was high school friends with Alice Glass
  • She was once a backup singer for Uffie
  • Went to design school with 10 Project Runway contestants
  • Her hit songs include 'Isla Bonita' and 'Borderline'
  • She was once married to Kevin Federline
  • She is headlining SXSW
  • She recently died in a cocaine overdose
  • she was one of the most important females of 2k8

Does n e 1 know who she is?
She looks familiar, butI am just kinda confused abt who she is...

Is Jared Leto the most Desirable Alternative Man in the World?

Photos by the cobrasnake

I was recently looking at a cobrasnake photograph album which contained documentation of a 30 Seconds To Mars show somewhere in France. 30 Seconds to Mars is the alt rock band which contains Jared Leto as the visionary mastermind bro.  I started wondering if Jared Leto is the most desirable alt man in the world.  Like any alternative female in the world would feel comfortable dating him, no matter how terrible his music was.

Wonder if alt bros should be jealous of Leto because of his authentic career as an actor in alt movies, and his successful band. Even if their music is kinda like fruity alt rock, they seem to be well monetized. He seems 'beloved' by his fans + women. That is probably the goal of all men in music.

Remember back in the day when he represented a bro in the Fight Club, the club that every1 wanted 2 be in.

It seems like Jared Leto is a bona fide rock star, like the kind that tweens pay $30-40 to 'stand in the pit' then spend the whole time taking pix on their cell phones / digital cameras.

Even the tweens know that they are supposed to wear white in order to be members of the tribe. They even doodle iconography on their skin to show they are part of the tribe.

He is sort of like a 'god' to his fans. This means he has succeeded at the ultimate goal of all musicians.

Large, black security guards must protect him.

He is also a chill bro who can play some acoustic guitar.

In touch with new sounds, he isn't afraid to play some sweet riffs/jingles on a high level synthesizer.

After the show, Jared Leto takes time to meet with fans, understanding that it takes an authentic connection to build a loyal tribe of customers.

Even this tiny alt wanted to get a piece of Jared Leto.

She tilted her camera at an upward angle as he approached her. Wonder if she should have embraced him like a human, instead of taking a pic of him like he was a zoo animal from 3 feet away.

Wonder if 30 Seconds To Mars is trying 2 build some sort of cult. Watched their recent music video when I was up late one night watching MTV in HD. Seemed 'hilarious.' Like tons of alternative underground people riding zany bikes around.


Maybe they are trying to promote street pack living + using bikes instead of 'gas guzzling cars.' They make me worried that there will be an urban apocalypse soon, and we will all have 2 raid Hot Topics to find clothing + food.

Jared Leto seems desirable.
Jared Leto seems like a visionary.
Jared Leto seems like he exists on a different plane of humanity than most people.
Jared Leto seems like he can 'bang' any alt baguette' in the world.

Would u get on a bike and ride in a street gang with Jared Leto?
Is 30 Seconds to Mars the most cultlike crappy rock band fan base in the world?
Does Jared Leto 'get' it?
What is ur fave Jared Leto movie?
Should tween fans learn to enjoy a show instead of holding up digital cameras the entire time?
Should I grow a mohawk?

In a world full of so many forgettable alt bros, is Jared Leto the ultimate Alt Alpha Male?

Where's Leto?

Are the Grammys honoring 'good, indie music', or is it 'the same old industry machine circle jerk'?

Yesterday was a popular awards show called 'The Grammys.' From what I understand, this awards system is supposed to 'award' the best music of the year. It seems like it is some sort of 'system to perpetuate the popularity + album sales of the same artists/labels/bands/etc.'

As I have read alternative coverage of the Grammys/all mainstream award shows, it seems like these are the 'prevalent themes.'
Indie music 'has arrived.'
The Grammys aren't 'honoring' the 'best' indie music
Indie music has been 'stolen' from 'us' and
__________ (mnstrm artist) sux
The Grammys are 'irrelevant bullshit'

Phoenix won 'Best Alternative Music Album.' Not sure what that award title means/who was in the category. I feel like maybe the French bros in Phoenix didn't realize that Americans 'get dressed up' for our awards shows. Maybe they thought it was an MTV/Nickelodeon kidz award show.

Kings of Leon won 3 Grammys for their hit song "Use Somebody", confirming that it is the vulnerable mnstrm anthem of the year/decade/century. I think they are in the genre of rock, since their award titles were 'Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group', 'Best Rock Song' and the prestigious 'Record Of The Year'.

MGMT also went to the Grammys, but they were sort of just 'nominated' and probably just looked like a 'zany one hit wonder band' to mainstreamers.

I think they also gave Stephen Colbert a Grammy just to 'get more hits/coverage.'

Here is more coverage of 'mainstream pop culture' at the Grammys.

I think this is the broad from the popular MTV show 'Jersey Shore.' I am not sure if she won a Grammy, or if she is just there for being Macrofamous.

This is apparently her live-in boyfriend, The Situation. Wonder if that show was a 'mainstream hit' or just another 'micro-sensation' like The Office.

The middle Jonas brother tries 2 'look alt' by growing strategic facial scruff + putting on sillie framed glasses.

Apparently the post-tween Jonas Brother married a guidette after the 'Jersey Shore' wave of 2k9k10. Seems ill-advised, like the same as 'marrying a pog/beanie babie/digipet.'

Popular American Idol homosexual sensation Adam Lambert.

Unpopular American Idol nonsensation Justin Guarini.

I think this crazy African American man was there because he was created as an 'off beat' character by the popular Fox TV show American Idol. Sort of like the 'Negro William Hung.'

I think the Black Eyed Peas are the last remaining soldiers in the Electro War. Like a lost group of fighters who no1 told that the war is over, but they are still on the Battlefield.

Apparently Lady Gaga had some performance with Sir Elton John.

It seems like you 'have to invite her' to any award show for the next 50 years, just to see her wear something zany.

Wonder how she transports her costumes. Suitcases? Rubermaid containers?

Popular Bro Comedy superstars from the Andy Samberg Lonely Island Viral Video Productions Centre.

I think Taylor Swift still thinks that 'awards are real.' She seems proud. As time moves forward, more people will 'sympathize' with Kanye West, sort of like the Kobe Vs. Shaq feud.

I think the Grammys is an opportunity for Cool Dads to bond with their kids.

Or for Cool Dads to just have a 'bros night out.'

Does n e 1 know if Musicians get Dental Insurance, or do they just cover their teeth with blingee jewels?




Phoenix is a French pop band that has been around for a decade but went rlly mainstream after their album "Wolfgang Amadeus" was s0 p0ppy that no1 could h8 it.

Read more>>>>

Will Kanye West + males + African Americans 'change' in the 2k10s?

I saw this picture of Kanye West and his 'number 1 ho' Amber Rose at Paris Fashion Week. It seems like they have really 'turned over a new leaf', and are possibly growing stronger as a couple. In the past, she used to wear skank gear to show off her ridonk curves, but now her man has her in check, making sure that she stays covered up, like a beautiful/pure & unique Muslim woman.

Kanye West has sorta been laying low. I was worried about him, like he was depressed, and writing sad, deep songs with an autotuner. He used to be one of the top 5 human memes on the planet, but now he has retreated from the internet sensationsphere.

The 2k0s seemed like an amazing, yet kind bummed out/tragic decade for Kanye West. He got famous, and ppl treated him like the black male Lady Gaga. Went through some hard times... George Bush doesn't care bout mulatto ppl... Mom death [via Heidi Montag plastic surg]... Shafting Taylor Swift... doing other controversial stuff. Wonder if he is going to 'pull it 2gether' this decade, and just try to write songs that change/heal/inspire the world [via Michael Jackson]. Wonder if Justin Timberlake will make us forget about Michael Jackson this decade.

Do u think he still chills with these bros, or are they just enablers?

I wonder if all men + African Americans + rap hiphop superstar moguls will begin to treat women with more love and respect. Are yall tired of women being 'pieces of meat', or do u think they like it like that?

Do yall think black people are going to 'ball over all' at the Academy Awards this year?
Heard that 'Precious' is a beautiful movie that inspires tons of white guilt.

Worried that they'll lose out 2 blue ppl [via the avatar]. Feel like 'Precious' might be the black version of 'Milk.' Like giving the African American community something to 'be proud of' since it represents a realistic tale of hope in their community.


Just got hella bummed out. Relieved about my way of life on the internet + how easy my life has been.

Just sorta riffing on this post, doing some 'pop culture musings', talking about race. Talking about the Oscars. Really just wanted to ask one important question.

What's the difference between Wyclef Jean and Will.I.Am?

If u were stuck on an Island, and u could only be Wyclef Jean or Will.I.Am, and take 1 musical instrument, and bring one broad to sing over ur music, who would it be?
The person who answers this question correctly will receive a free genre shirt.

What ever happened to popular nightlife electro DJ Steven Aoki?

A lot of people email me from time to time, asking me, "Carles, what happened 2 electro?" or "Carles, what happened to that band/dj/dj duo that was so popular in the 2k7?" Sometimes, I don't even know how to respond.

Many people email to ask me what happened to the popular DJ Steve Aoki?
Answer: Steve Aoki still has a popular DJ brand. He has moved into mainstream markets, which probably makes him more money than he was making in the bloghouse era. His record label Dim Mak continues to make hipster porn and produce banger albums.

Photo by the Cobrasnake

Question: Does he still pour vodka into people's moufs?

Answer: As you can see in the above picture, he no longer pours vodka into people's moufs. Instead, he usually opts for a cheap champagne, or possibly a wine. Something in the 8-12 dollar range that is usually sold at Wal Mart. In our current economic climate, giving Grey Goose to the audience just won't work any more. Club owners and promoters are on tight budgets, and fans don't like to see that kind of 'waste' happening. Sorta like how ppl stopped driving hummers so they don't seem like 'overt ass holes' n e more/are too poor to pay 4 the gas.

Sorta wonder if Franzia is the next relevant alt beverage.

Question: What kind of people are still into 'electro' music?
Answer: Bros.

Question: Why are bros so into electro music?
Answer: Bros will hold on to the electro spirit forever. It offers them an arena in which they can drink, grind on girls, show off their tattos+muscles, and act passionate about something--the hard beat of what they think is 'techno' music. Many bros have stopped following professional sports and started getting more into popular electro.

Question: Are chest tattoos still alt?
Answer: Not really. Tattoo-alts have evolved into 'a whole nother beast.'

Question: Are alternative bros still alive?
Answer: Altbros are generally dead. They either morphed into relevantmusicbros or bro-bros. Both still have some of the core insecurities that made them so unique.

Rlly miss u electro era. Rlly h8 u electro era. Rlly <3 u electrobloghouse era.

(Wish Grey Goose was still an economically viable alternative product.)

sometimes when I am listening to a modern mp3 and trying to evaluate the long-term cultural impact of the band/song, I start to miss the old days, back when music was 'fun', and it wasn't all just some sort of pitchfork rating + album sales contest.

do u ever miss electro music?
Do u still listen 2 blog house?
What ever happened to _____________?

Are the Kings of Leon the future of Bro Music + Fashion?

As yall know, the Kings of Leon 'crossed over', and have entered the realm of Nickelback fans + bros who are 'vibing' for their own sense of high-end consumer individuality. In their hit song "Use Somebody", they sing, "U know that I could use somebody...Some1 like u." Little did Americans + bros across the world know that we would rely on them so heavily in the decade of 2k10. Ever since the Strokes put their brand of 'cool' into hibernation, the Kings of Leon have built a generic, accessible brand of 'cool' that most bros can identify with.

Bros just want good music, that 'effing rocks', played by a group of manbros, showing off different combos of muscles + chest hair + innovative facial hair. Bros need bandBros who do 'kewl shit' on guitar, and the ideal lead singer must have a voice that 'gets you fucking jacked', but can also 'chill you out.' Some songs 'effing rock' but other 'are chill ditties that you can play at an open-air party where beer is chilled upon.' Kings of Leon seem to be perfect for bros. It is also beneficial that they are 'hot' according to mainstream broads so that bros+broads can have a common interest.

Feel happy that the KoL just launched their new 'fashion line.' I feel like it will really appeal to high-end consumer bros, possibly taking away sales from Ed Hardy. I am always fascinated by general consumer decisions by bros who were born into wealthy families, have never really had any real problems in their lives' besides 'fitting in' and 'banging hot girls who they though they deserved.' Feel like their insecurity really manifests itself when they overcompensate with high end bro fashion choices, and excessive early adoption to technology.

Decided to take a look at the Kings of Leon Fashion Line. Think this is actually 'high end shit', not mass produced to make mad walmart/target/pacsun/jcpenney sales [via Mary Kate+Ash 'Heath Killa' Olsens].

Bro Leather Jacket

Bro boots

Bro lil hat

Bro plaid lumberjacking shirt

Bro bandana

Bro designer jeans

Conceptual Plaid shirt 4 bros

Conceptual pocket tee

Braided bro belt

Which bro accessory do u think would help u become 'more than just another bro'?
Why do bros jones so hard 2 look like they are in 'rawk bands'?
Do u think the Kings of Leon will mix some rowdy synths+rapping into their next album so they can appeal to more Linkin Park fans?
Will bros continue to ruin music festivals in 2k10?
Do all bros share the common dream of 'ending up on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine'?

Should I just castrate myself, go to WalMart, and buy the Miley Cyrus Line?

Should I just buy the Merriweather Post Pavillion loafers designed by the Animal Collective design team?

Wish more bands had the vision to create a complete brand, instead of just selling 'lil tshirts'/miscellaneous generic merch like 'coffee mugs', mouse pads, and ballpoint pens.

Music = MP3s
Music = Bands
Bands = Brands
Brands = Life
Life = Music
Life = MP3
Life = Bands
Life = Life
Leon Kings = Hella bros
Hella Bros = _______?????

Previous Celebrity Fashion Line Memes

Bro in Oasis /// Sheryl Crow /// Perez Hilton/// IamCarles/genreshirt ///// Panda Bear ////

Who did Tiger Woods let down more: black ppl or white ppl?

I have always been a huge fan of the human brand known as Tiger Woods. Before Tiger Woods, I didn't even know that golf was a sport worth watching, but then TigBro came along, and taught us what it meant to be a champion. We were compelled by this Dark Knight [via Heath] transcending the game. He established himself as a global/personal brand.

This post is brought 2 u by Buick.

Tiger Woods 'crushed' all of his white competitors on the PGA tour, much like most African Americans do in all other sports. Whether is is Michael Jordan, Bo Jackson, Usain Bolt, Pele, LeBron James, or Hammering Hank Aaron, it is important to note that athletes with African descent have a higher athletic ceiling. Even though I have done no genetic research, I feel like this is a fair assumption. (I feel like most white talking head sports writers will say that they 'got athletic training during the slave era', but I am not going to make that argument.) From what I understand, many of the white athletes who have historical relevancy (like Babe Ruth) were able to dominate all-white leagues, back before professional sports were de-segregated.

The truth is that White Men Can't Jump, at least not as high as Africans/African Americans. White consumers enjoy watching African Americans dominate white people on the playing field--probably some sort of manifestation of 'white guilt.'

Golf seems to be a sport for rich, white people. Older people who can't really expend energy doing cardiovascular exercise, so they opt for a game where you can drive around in a car, drink alcoholic beverages, and spend all day with your bros. Sorta like a 'rich man's bowling.' I am not sure how long a game of golf even lasts, so it seems like a good excuse you could use to leave your wife's presence for 8-14 hours. I feel proud of Tiger for being able endear himself to this demographic of men. These men are the most lucrative consumer demographic, with way more money to blow than 'Gen Y' and 'tweens.' Even though those groups are good at 'adopting trends', they are usually limited by their parent's mediocre income. GolfPlayingBros drop mad bank on goods+services.

I think sports that require tons of 'gear' tend to deter African Americans from playing them. The barriers to entry are too high for innercity kids who will use their natural athletic gifts & status frustration to launch them into multimillion dollar pro sports careers. For example, in sports like golf and baseball, you have clubs, helmets, bats, specific shoes, and a specialized facility that. Sports like basketball and soccer are better for poor people, since you just need a ball, and facilities are more flexible.

This post is brought 2 u by Gillette: The best a man can get.

This is why we love Tiger Woods. He is an African-American+miscellaneous other races, without all of the baggage of traditional coloured athletes. He didn't come from 'the streets', he is more of a suburbia bro whose dad glued a golf club to his hand when he was 3 years old. All grown men wish they had dads who did more to train them to become a professional athlete--the most fulfilling profession for a man, since you excel financially, physically, and you reap the rewards of fame. Tiger Woods is a truly great bro, excelling at a level that normal societal spectators can only watch. All we can do is purchase products that were endorsed by great people to feel close them [via Lance Armstrong LIVESTRONG bracelet theory].

This post is brought 2 u by Nike's 'I Am Tiger Woods' campaign, promoting Tiger Woods+Golf 2 kids

But I feel kinda bad now that he cheated on his wife with tons of whores. I feel like this white world that he conquered has turned his back on him. No longer is he a white person with black skin who white people are comfortable letting into their metaphorical club house. He is now 'just another black person', doing 'stuff that black ppl do.' From what I understand, most professional athletes frequent strip clubs and cheat on their wives'. Some even fight dogs and murder people. Seems like we are jealous of Tiger's 'bad ass life.'

This post is brought 2 u by EA Sports: It's in the Game.

I feel bad when society turns their back on a black athlete. It seems like we enable their dream worlds, and are generally comfortable ones where they can 'do whatever the fuck they want, as long as they promise to perform when it counts.' But maybe that's the downside of Tiger's evolution into a human brand. Instead of seeing him as 'just another black athlete', we see him as a representative of corporate america, some1 who we expect to 'have values' or something. Seems unreasonable, sorta like the idea of 'marriage.'

Tiger seems like a 'pimp bawla', some1 who wants 2 win at everything. Whether it is a game of golf, or a game of 'banging the hottest skanks on the planet, having the most insane fuckfests in the world fucked up on drugs and alcohol', we shouldn't hold that against Tiger. He is Tiger Woods. He is a champion. He is also dealing with 'entering his middle ages', so it seems reasonable that he should have 1 last series of 'sexual conquests' before he enters his twilight. It seems like men can focus on being 'good fathers' when they are between 45-Death.

If I were a skank, I would love the opportunity to 'get hammered' by Tiger Woods.

Like you could really 'get banged' by a true champion, instead of the same loser bro who thinks he is 'fucking rich/hot/special,' and that he is the one doing you a favor by giving u the opportunity to sleep with him.

Wonder if Tiger's Wife, Elin, misled him. Maybe she used to be 'down2fuck', but then ended up being this 'woman who just wanted to export children from her vagina.'

Even thought marriage is a 'lifelong vow', I feel like this vow doesn't always apply to people who experience levels of joy that are way better than 'finding solace in a relationship.' I feel like relationships are used to combat feelings of solitude, or like people who are 'afraid to die alone.' Tiger is not afraid of these feelings--he has conquered them. He lives life at a high level, choosing to do what he wants. He is not a 'lost soul' or a 'fallen star', Tiger Woods knew what he was doing, and the 'media controversy' was worth it to him. It seems like the most difficult part of this whole ordeal is probably telling his wife that she was never really that important to him, he just wanted to 'win' her. Not sure if I would care if a black man cheated on a black woman. Seems like it is 'wrong' for a black man to betray the honor of a white woman.

This post is brought 2 u by Accenture Consulting Services.

Tiger Woods may or may not be able to 'love' other people. Tiger Woods loves himself at a championship level, something most humans will never be able to do. We are too busy with insecurities, doubting ourselves, never reaching our full potential. We end up sitting on the couch, masturbating to pornography, while Tiger Woods is out there banging porn stars. Women with huge, fake tits, bouncing in his face like a champion. Pulling out, giving them a load of semen on their face that only a true champion could deliver.

This post is brought 2 u by Tag Heuer: Do yall know what time it is?

It is unfair for the white world to turn their back on Tiger. Tons of people cheat on their wives' every day with women who they don't love, but love to have sex with. I feel like they have used this incident to act like cheating is 'something that black people do because they are subhuman, closer to animals.' It is unfair for them to do this to Tiger after everything he has represented to them. I feel like men need to 'rally around' Tiger, letting him know that we support him as a bro, and just want him to be happy and do bad ass things, in and out of the bedroom/golf course.

What will be the most difficult issue 4 Tiger Woods' kids to deal with as they grow up?

a) being a 'mixed-race' kid
b) dealing with their father's 'man-skank' personal brand
c) they will have no problems, since they are rich.

I wonder if black people 'relate to' Tiger Woods. It seems like they would like to relate to him, since he is great, but he plays a game that they don't think is 'cool'/important 2 them. Wonder if the African American community would rally around him, or do they only rally around white-ish black people like Barry Obama, since he was going to be put into a position of 'mad crazy power.' Feel like if white people turn their back on Tiger, he will truly be left in a colourless purgatory.

This post is brought 2 u by Cadillac

I feel sad that Tiger 'took a break from the game.' I feel like he should have announced his 'retirement' to make the whole world value him more/understand how important he is. It would also make his wife feel guilty/special that he gave up his God-given gift 'for her', even though it was just a hiatus. She probably took for granted the fact that he 'made mad bank'--maybe he deserved to have a lil bit of fun [via 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas']. She wasn't prepared to be in a relationship with a winner. Kinda like how Michael Jordan can't enjoy life/simple pleasures since he was once 'the greatest in the world.'

Tiger Woods will come back, and he will be 'great.' We will 'forget' about his 'transgressions', just as long as he wins some tourneys, makes companies some bank, and then hugs his wife and cries. Then he can divorce her 6-18 months afterwards, and live the life he wants to live, banging as many 'freaky ass bitches' as possible. We want Tiger to live the life that he wants to live. He can produce great moments 4 us. He can be a solid brand ambassador for us.

Let's just let Tiger be Tiger. We could learn a lot from him.

Tiger Woods is a champion. Tiger Woods is a winner. Tiger Woods is black/AZN/pacific islander.


I am Tiger Woods. (Rlly wish I could be Tiger Woods).

'Get in the hole.'
-a bro

Previous Black Athlete Coverage

Should buzzbands integrate their band name into their live stage presence?

Photo by J Caldwell

As yall know, the goal of a brand is to create lots of synergies. Bands are brands which can evolve, or they can 'tank' and isolate their consumer base. As yall know, the relevant buzzband The xx has transitioned from 'kewl new buzzband with bloggable mp3s' to buzzband who 'delivered' on their debut album. Now they must go on tour, interacting with tons of fans/consumers/alts across the world, convincing them that they are worth supporting as a brand for the next 2-10 years.

As yall can see, the XX utilized on-stage illumination technology which highlights the name of their band on the stage. This helps to inform unaware consumers and pedestrian traffic in and around clubs that a band called 'the XX' is playing. In addition, the stage is a bloggable internet meme, letting party+concert+flickrBro photographers get an 'interesting photograph.' It is important to note that the XX stage logo is not completely superfluous--it integrates into the drum pad bro's setup.

The XX are in a position to expand quickly with this base technology. For example, the could insert multi-coloured lights into their console. In addition, if they were to start a fastfood franchise, they would already have a logo that they could use to extend their brand. It is important to remember that successful buzzbands aren't just good at making music, they also implement marketing strategies to become 'more than just a band' to a core base of consumers.

Wonder if The XX utilized the same technology that Justice used to create a glowing stage cross.

Do yall appreciate bands that have a sweet stage presence?
Should Animal Collective get a huge sign that says 'ANCO' in the popular font comic sans to play in front of?
Should Grizzly Bear have a real grizz bear on stage?
Should the Neon Indian band hire Native Americans, and make them use neon body paint?
Should Phoenix utilize the logo of the popular NBA team 'The Phoenix Suns'?
Should horrorcore bands murder ppl on stage?
Should Ricky Martin have a taco truck on stage, called 'Livin La Vida Taco'?
What are some good stage gimmicks that bands could use to enhance their brands?

Previous XX Coverage


Which XX fan art doodle is the most authentic?

"xx chillin bein Carles" by BebeZeva?

or "chillin, drinkin dos Equis, shooting lasers out of our eyes" by BuzzBandFan6969?

Do yall know if deep indie gazes mean that alt celebs can shoot lasers out of their eyes? Worried to look at one of them in the eyes, since they have such emotive/distant/dreamy/emotionally-scarred faces. Feel like making eye contact with them might be the alt equivalent of looking into the popular Greek mythological broad 'Medusa', known for turning onlookers into stone at the expense of 1 glance.

The xx


The xx is a band from the UK that went kinda mainstream in 2k9

Read more>>>>


DJ, Buzzband

Justice is a popular banger house electro group from France on Ed Banger Records.

Read more>>>>

Are authentic alternative celebrities scaling back their internet presences?

Photo via stereogum

In this picture, u see Edward Droste (lead singer of the band Grizzly Bear), along with a series of bros on a screen. Even though this chill session was happening in real life, Ed Droste also facilitated this same relationship on the internet with thousands of followers on the popular social networking site '' Over the past year, @EdwardDroste became one of the most beloved alternative celebrities on twitter.

It made me sad to learn that Edward Droste committed suicide. Not in real life, but on the internet, by deactivating his twitter account. Even though he had thousands of followers ready 2 listen to his every word, he decided that being an alternative celebrity schmoozing with 'the common man' was not worth it.

I wonder what 'put him over the top.' Wonder if too many fans tweeted vicious things @ him. Or if too many music bloggers and music criticism bros gushed @ him. Wonder if he got @ed too many 'put me on the guest lists.' Wonder if he got tired of the popular music blog pitchfork 'exploiting' his tweets for meme-able content.

It's kinda weird reading that now... It makes me wonder what went wrong in his metaphorical digipet/gigapet.

I'll never forget the time @EdwardDroste twitpic-ed a sweet picture with Feist on a meaningful rollercoaster, then 'tons of music blogs meme-d that shit.'

Wondering if the people that he was supposed to be connecting with/sharing life with were ultimately the same ppl who forced him to metaphorically 'off himself.'

Worried that if Edward Droste isn't there to 'officially endorse' buzzbands, many of the world's top music bloggers won't know what they are supposed 2 like. Have heard that Neon Indian only got 'mainstream indie' acceptance' after Ed Droste endorsed the buzzband on his twitter.

Sometimes I wonder what I'd be like if I could be a twitter celeb. I feel like I would mainly tweet about 'cool shit I was doing' (including cool places/buying cool shit) but also make sure to have a lot of conversations with other famous/interesting people.

I remember 1 time I made a post saying that Miley Cyrus and tweens are 'too immature' for the internet+social media+ twitter, since they aren't socially developed/ready 2 handle real life... Sorta wondering if high level alternative celebs are 'too mature' for twitter.

Is it better for indie/alt celebs to have excessive internet presences, or should they just have an 'epic album' every year that 'speaks 4 itself'? Wondering if indie fans are 'more annoying' than mainstream tween fans. Wondering if the mp3blogosphere is 'too intense' for a relevant indie artist to live in for more than 2 months.

Edward Droste (1982-2009)
a Eulogy

Edward Droste, creator and CEO of the popular indie band Grizzly Bear, committed suicide in November of 2009. He is survived by Victoria Legrand, lead singer of the band Beach House. She has vowed to avenge his death by claiming Pitchfork's album of the year in 2010. Ed has three surviving bandmates, Daniel Rossen, Chris Bear, and Chris Taylor. They have decided to dissolve Grizzly Bear, and continue performing as 'The Department of Eagles.' In 10-20 years, they will consider using a CGI replacement EDro to make 'mad bank' on the reunion circuit. Edward was always known to throw down a solid meme, and was one of the initial supporters of the chillwave movement. In 2 short months, Edward would have found out that Grizzly Bear's 2009 album Veckatimest was controversially voted the #1 album of the year after a voter fraud scandal in the Pitchfork offices.

What alt celeb internet-user would yall be most sad abt committing eSuicide?
Which alt celeb should get on the twitter 2 share his/her memes?

Is Avey Tare's wife 'trying 2 hard' 2 be conceptual/meme-worthy?

Yall might know Kria Brekkan as the wife of popular 2k9 buzzband 'the Animal Collective', more specifically, the band member Avey 'David Portner' Tare. She has apparently already created tons of music on her own, as well as with the popular Icelandic runoff band "múm." [via the post-Bjork+SigurRos era]. (not sure if Iceland still has a thriving creative economy now that their 'financial/real' economy is 'in the shitter')

I recently saw Kria Tare-Brekkan's new LP cover, and wondered what it was all about. Appears to be a concept album based on the popular female topic of fluid in the uterus.

Felt confused, since I am a bro, and from what I understand, I don't even have a uterus. It seems like it might be an indie album directed towards 'the female demographic', perhaps ages 25-45. Sorta like the popular television series 'Sex and the City.' For those of yall who didn't take sex-ed [via conservative private education/middle-american public school], here is where the uterus is located.

Went ahead and did some research to attempt to find out 'why a woman would have water in her uterus.'

Feel worried. Thought uterus water might mean that 'life' was being cultivated, but it seems like it might be a legitimate health concern. Maybe this is going to be a 'dark' female album, as opposed to the light-hearted conceptual fluff that tons of female indie artists 'put out.' Seems like we are growing up, and the music 'we' listen to has tons of 'adult themes'? Maybe life isn't about 'partying'/'being free' in 2k10... Just want to be involved in a conceptual union with a human who I love.

Do u think people will take me seriously as an AnCo fan if I 'overcompensate' with interest in an AnCo auxilary band/wife?

Is Uterus Water the new 'Horchata'?

///what fluid will be 'big in 2k10'?

Name that Alt Celeb Mom Jean Ass.

Yall might remember the popular trend 'mom jeans.' They sorta invaded the altbaguette scene, then sorta crossed over into a 'mainstream joke' cuz the name was s0 true since we all know a local mother who wore mom jeans that made her ass look all mommy. Saw this hot momjean ass, and sorta made me feel 'aroused' and then I got a lil depressed because I started 2 yearn for the complex touch of an authentic alt woman.

Whose mom jean ass does this behind belong 2?

a) Miley Cyrus
b) a Dirty Projecty
c) a member of 'The Black Kids'/'The Go Team' [vintage indie meme]
d) Ben Gibbard's wife
e) Scarlett Johnannysens
f) Taylor Swift
g) a member of the band GIRLS
h) a member of the band 'gals'
i) It's On with Alexa Chung
j) altPorn Star 'Sasha Grey'
h) the porno broad from the Dim Mak sex tape
i) a post-tween who is about to pursue a modeling career
j) a cast member of the popular show 'The Hills'
k) a cast member of the popular show 'The Real AltWives of Brooklyn.'
l) a cast member of the popular show 'Project Runway'
m) a cast member of the popular show 'Man Vs. Food.'
n) Lindsey Lohan [via leggings meme]
o) Beth Ditto
p) Feist
q) Regina Spekty
r) Cat Powers
s) Brandon Teena
t) Tina Brandon
u) youtube sensation 'Leave Brittney Alone' Guy
v) Wanda Sykes
w) Kathy Griffin
x) miscellaneous female comedian
y) a cast member from Bev hills 90210
z) the St Vincent
aa) Choose.Your.Own.Response

who do yall thinks ass it is belongs to?

Felt sad when 'mom jeans' became a mainstream meme.


Not sure if it is still a relevant 'trend' or just a 'huge joke that mainstreams talk abt.'

Sad Halloween is over. Wish I could post zany costumes all year... but if u really think about it, maybe I already do... maybe I already do.... ///#hallotween

Chloe Sevigny

Alternative Celebrity, Alternative Entrepreneur

Chloe Sevigny is an alternative actress and model. She is famous for 'being alt hot' and giving Vincent Gallo a BJ on camera.

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What Alt Celeb will u be for Halloween in 2k10?

I have been doing a lot of thinking. I realize that now is the time to start thinking about my Halloween 2k10 costume, instead of waiting til the last minute. I have made the decision to be an altCeleb in 2k10, but I am not sure who will be 'relevant' in exactly 1 year.

Have no idea what 2k10 will be like... Feeling nervous/anxious... Might need some sort of anti-depressant.

Will Steve Aoki still be relevant?

Photo via every1 is famous

Maybe Steve Aoki will be a good 'ironic' costume in the year 2k26.

Photo via dirtypreston

I am not sure if it will still be authentic to be a DJ for Halloween in 2k10, since DJ+Electro culture may or may not be dead.

I still feel like M.I.A. deserves tons of alt points for her concept, craftsmanship, timeliness, and execution.

Photo via cobrasnake

Empire of the Sun bros seem like they also deserve 'mad props' for their dedication to 'the Aussie scene.'

Maybe I should just go 2 Halloween as 'the fat Jonas Brother.'

Photo via whoopthis

I feel excited about Halloween 2k10, but I just don't rlly know who I should commit to.
Will Animal Collective still be buzzworthy in 2k10?
Will the Neon Indian Bro be a bigger alt Celeb in 1 year?
Will Washed Out have a more developed personal brand?
Will Girl Talk still be 'relevant'?
Will MGMT ever 'come back'?
Is it still alt for mainstreamers to like Of Montreal?
Will Grizzly Bear's next album 'chart' at #1?
Is it still 'alt' 2 say that Phoenix is 'good'/'catchy'?
Is Owl City 'the new alt'?
What is the 'best album' of 2k9?
What is the 'best mp3' of 2k9?
What will happen when twitter dies?
What will happen when minorities stop using myspace?
Will I get a job after I graduate?
Is it cost effective to go to live shows/music festivals, or 2 just check the internet 3x per day?
R u worried abt the indie apocalypse?
What new genres will emerge in 2k10?
What genres will die in 2k10?
(Am I gonna die? Or will scientists discover a way 2 live 4ever soon?)
Is Obama gonna get re-elected?
Will Panda Bear release an album that makes it clear that he is both the 'John Lennon AND Paul McCartney' of Animal Collective?
What mediocre 'buzzbands' will emerge in 2k10 that major alt sites grant an unwarranted shelf life?
Does n e 1 know some bloggable music that has been released since the Chillwave Era?
Will the indie blogosphere be 'dormant' until an established indie band (Vampire Weekend/Arcade Fire) releases an early 2k10 album that every1 can 'talk about' again?
What popular blog will 'die' in 2k10?

...nervous abt the future....

Please use the comments section to 'reflect' on 2k9, and forecast what the year 2k10 will be like.

What were the best Halloween Costumes of 2k9?

Yall... Can't believe Halloween is already over. It seems like the goal of the modern Halloween costume is to 'go moderately viral' on the internet. Ur Halloween Costume can last forever if it is 'memorable enough' to be 'worth blggng about.'

These are the alt-est costumes of 2k9. Which 1 should win the most 'indie pitchfork points' for being creative/original/relevant?

Banger-era masked DJs.

Daft Punk bro costume.

Justice lesbians.

Justice Xavier DeRosnay Rentacop.

PoliceBro of Justice #2.

Pregnant M.I.A.

Zany bro from the Office

Continue reading 4 more zany alt costumes...

Indie Bro Obsession & the Objectification of Female Indie Alt Celeb Musicians.

I was recently watching a youtube video of an indie bro watching a youtube video of a live performance by the popular indie female artist The St. Vincent.  The video is compelling content, an open love letter to the female of his dreams.   In the video, he pours out his emotional/spiritual/sexual/intellectual desires, letting St. Vincent know that 'they could have a perfect life together.'


Transcription of youtube video:

Hey St Vincent. I'm sitting here sprung out watching 'You Dig a Pony' meanwhile I just want to be digging your pony. I think you're sexy as hell. I've been stalking you since back when you were just an mp3 blogger meme, back in 2006. But I saw your potential, and here we are almost four years later, rich and famous. And I'm just so proud. I see you wearing those black tights all the time underneath your skirts and shorts, and to me, that just make a nigga go buck wild. The locks of your hair curl to perfection. You got a slammin bod and my dick raise up like a scissor kick when you hit the high note. But all I wanna know is, can you shred on your guitar like that bent over? I like that you sing in two microphones, because then it's like there's two of you, and I always wished that God made two of you so that I could fuck you while you lick my ass. Your lips are sexy red and I want to rub the large space in between your eyes. I'm best friends with Grizzly Bear, and I just want all of us to be friends in Brooklyn, and maybe live in your house and sleep in your bed. And I hope that when you watch this vid, you fall in love with me, because when I turn my swagger on, no one got it like this, and I be in your mother fucking dreams tonight. Thank you for watching my youtube, St. Vincent. Thank you for your music. And I love you.

I think many people would probably find this video to be 'sick', 'troublesome', and miscellaneous feelings that would put them 'above this type of cheap ploy for attention.' But it's important to talk about how altbros, indie bros, and music criticism middle aged bros view females in the alternative music scene. If we can assume that men are the driving force behind indie buzz, indie record sales, the indie media, and altEverything, then how do we fairly assess women's role in 'the whole scene.' It seems like in this open love letter to St. Vincent, the youtubeBro gave us a valuable insight into the true desires of all bros who are alt/indie/etc.

This is what alternative males want:

  • We to be loved.
  • We want to be relevant.
  • We want to 'bang' bitches in 'mad crazy' positions
  • We want to live a perfect life in a relevant city
  • We want to be bffs with bands
  • We want to follow bands/artists and watch them grow and attribute their success to ourselves for being on the forefront of relevancy.
  • We want 'the most respected female' in the indie scene to be our gf [via the altbaguette theory]

How does indie bro obsession impact the indiesphere?

Will an ugly/not cute girl ever 'make it' as an indie artist? It seems like indie bros who 'shape' the indie world will always have trouble evaluating female artists. I think the first thing men look at is 'how attractive is the female.' That seems to be 'the most important element' when evaluating a woman in any profession (strippers, actresses, accountants, secretaries, etc).

I think it is also important for indie females to 'seem like they are real musicians.' This can be accomplished by either displaying a relatively high level of 'musicianship', or even just by 'appearing to take themselves seriously.' Many say that behind every great woman is a great man, so even if a 'skilled male producer' creates mad beats, the female band member/lead singer still has a very important task in terms of branding the live performance with the level of 'into-it-ness' of her presence.

Whenever I see coverage of an indie starlet, I imagine some music criticism bro wild a mildly erect penis while writing a blurb. In a short blurb, the music critic bro can project his feelings/hopes/dreams/desires. He can mention that the female artist is 'hot' but also say something that clearly indicates 'we need to take her seriously.' All blurbs about female artists by men are unintentional manifestos in which we 'search 4 a sexual identity.' I wrote this post to 'come to terms' with my homosexuality/heterosexuality/bisexuality/pansexuality/indiesexuality.

I feel like I am in search of 'the perfect alt woman', and I can't help but entirely identify with the St. Vincent Love Letter Vlog.  I want 2 be loved, have krazie sex, and also have an authentic life.  I am not sure if I like listening to music by women, but I feel like I will watch them if they are 'hot.'  It seems impossible for men to 'actually like' music by women, since many of the lyrical themes are coming from the 'fucking dreamworld' that exists inside of a girl's head.

Wonder if I would consider living my perfect life with the Dirty Projector altbaguettes.

Even the Zany SNL video meme bro got 'roped in' by the prospects of a 'perfect alt life' with Joanna Newsom.

How do yall think that the horniness of men impacts the critical acceptance of women? Can indie bros 'put aside their desire 2 mate' when evaluating females in music? Will an 'ugly woman' ever be very successful at anything, or does society naturally 'select out' the uggos? Should we segregate the indiesphere by gender? Should there be a 'pitchfork4Girls' instead of reading men evaluating women?

Does some sort of subconscious sexual desire impact the acceptance of all females?  Is the indiesphere an 'equal opportunity' hype machine?

Maybe indie bros are bisexuals. Maybe we do evaluate everything fairly. Maybe we just need to 'learn 2 love' regardless of (sexual) gender and (musical) genre.


Maybe we all need 2 take a lil ride on the chillwave...

How do the sexual desires of men impact the indie perception bubble/the Western World/the Middle East?
When u watch a female artist, what do u expect from her?
Are chick flicks/romantic comedies and indie-ish female musicians some sort of marketing gimmick to exploit the infamous 'female' demographic of humans?
If u like a band with a male lead singer, are u 'kinda ghey'?
Do women like male singers because they want to 'make love' to them/get swept off their feet into a rock n roll lifestyle?
Is it realistic for men to identify with themes in music made by females?
Will men ever see women as 'anything more than a fuck doll'?

Clubbing baby seals seems like an unchill practice.

It's always weird when a band/famous person becomes an advocate for change, especially when they are 'raising awareness' for a problem that I wasn't really aware of. One could make the argument 'out of sight, out of mind' is a good thing. Like if you knew too much about the world's problems, then u might become paralyzed with fear/h8 for humanity, realizing that 'things would never change' and evil will always live on this planet. But it's also kinda good because if you know more 'issues', then you are more interesting.

I was 'completely unaware' that clubbing seals was a huge problem in our world. I have honestly never seen any1 wearing or eating seal. For some reason, I have 'never had a desire' to wear seal/miscellaneous exotic animal fur. It seems out of my price range, since I am just a suburban upper-middle class alt, and I would rather spend that kind of money on consumer technology instead of clothes. Maybe if Am Appy 'branded' animal fur, I would be interested.

Clubbing seals 'seems unchill.' Like some1 who listens to horrorcore music would be a seal clubbing bro.


I feel like 'seal clubbing bros' should be eliminated from the Earth. I am glad that I learned about this cause. I have an opinion about it, and I understand that is wrong, but I am not sure what else I can do to prevent companies and humans from clubbing seals. It seems unchill to skin animals just to wear them. Like the people who value animal fur are 'severely troubled' and have 'a very stupid perspective of the world'--like they didn't go to school and learn stuff. I think that some1 needs to make a movie about seals similar to 'March of the Penguins' so that people think that seals can have a group brand that is 'cute enough to save/care about.' It seems like humans care about cute animals.

Really just happy that AnCo 'made it.' Feel happy that a band from my range of tastes has ascended into 'activist relevancy.'

Can't believe AnCo is such a relevant celebrity. As famous as the homosexual blogger, Pedro Hilton.

Even larger than the star of the recent teen dramedy "She's All That."

AnCo can do as much change as the world for star of 'Laguna Beach Cribs', Brody Jenner.

I feel excited for AnCo. A lot of people think that AnCo 'is going to cross over.' They keep waiting to hear them on the mainstream radio. I feel like 'lending ur brand' to a PETA campaign seems like u have 'made it.' Like if Pitchfork had some sort of 'humanitarian ratings', this would probably be around a 9.6.

Celebrities Speak Out Against the Seal Slaughter.

'U can create all kinds of textures with all kinds of fabrics.'

-Panda Bear, 2k9.8

'U can create all kinds of textures with all kinds of sounds.'

-Panda Bear, 2k4evr

Feel like my whole life make sense now that 'Animal Collective' has truly become 1 with the Animal Kingdom Collective of Real Animals.

Honestly feel sad/disturbed after watching seals being murdered. Will probably think of seals being clubbed every time I listen to AnCo from now on, even when the themes are happy. :-(

Vintage HRO post [via 2k8.1]

Remember the time Panda Bear and his wife designed hoodies?

Previous Animal Rights Posts

Is Ben Gibbard's acting debut 'a complete failure' or 'a huge success'?

You might know popular actor Ben Gibbard from his best selling album Twilight Soundtrack EP, or even from his most successful band, The Postal Service. What you don't know is that he is also an actor. You're probably used to seeing him on MTV, carrying the torch 4 indie music towards the mainstream...but now, he's doin something new, artistic, and interesting. Here is a video of him acting.

Video may not be viewable in RSS reader// via Stereogums

It seems like he plays a 'snarky' character who is above society. Like a guy who 'curses' and 'makes a scene' in a group of ppl. I don't really understand what is happening, but he does appear to be 'acting.' Don't know how to tell if he is doing a good or bad job. Have honestly only really seen him singing Death Cab for Cutie songs.

From what I have read, this is some indie film directed by some guy in the popular TV Show 'The Office.'

Apparently, this is "John Krasinski's" passion project, since he adapted David Foster Wallace short stories into some indie film called Brief Interviews With Hideous Men. Have never read David Foster Wallace, but heard he is 'a genius.' Only heard abt him because he killed himself. Not sure if 'suicide' is an effective marketing tool. Some people might say that his 'pain' was complex and worth reading, but the hopeful part of me thinks reading DFW might mean I support 'giving up on life.' Think the main problem is that I don't read books, so maybe if he was alive and had a bloggable blog, I would read him.

I wonder why Benjamin Gibbard 'got the acting bug.' Maybe he was a creative drama kid in high school. Seems likely that since he married a famous actress, Zooey Deschanel, he thought that he acquired her skills in the marriage.

From what I understand, Zooey Gibbard-Deschanel is attempting to 'be a singer' now that she has married an indie rock legend. I am not sure if relationships work this way. I don't think that your skills 'automatically transfer' to ur mate. If some1 married Carles, would he or she automatically become a culturally relevant blogger, or would they be 'not taken seriously' and appear to be 'riding Carlesz coattails' towards relevancy. Actually wish it worked this way, then I would marry LeBron James and 'ball over all' in the N.B.A./possibly a member of Animal Collective.

Do yall think Benjamin Gibbard is a good actor?
Can musicians act? Can actors make good music?
Was Ben Gibbard 'exploited' as a marketing tool 4 this movie?
Are movies as good as books/writings?
Did TheOfficeBro only cast Ben Gibbard bc he looked like that 1 zany did in The Office?
Is Benjamin Gibbard weakening his brand, or taking it 2 the next level?
What's ur fave 'Deathcab' song of all time?

Is Jared Leto the only multi-talented actor + indie front man?

Is Jared Leto a 'human mashup' of Zooey Deschanny + Benjy Gibby?

Should Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam be deported/blacklisted from The United States of America?

I was reading my twitter homepage the other day, and I couldn't help but notice some 'scathing snark comments' from the popular bloghouse-to-mainstream rapper M.I.A.

It seems like she is 'talking mad shit' about our President Barack Obama. Apparently he won 1st prize in the metaphorical 'Best Human on the Planet' awards [via Nobel Peace Prize]. It seems like something that we should celebrate whether or not he deserves it and whether or not the Award 'means anything.' It is an important step in rebranding our nation to the rest of the world. It seems like winning this award might 'convince the rest of the world that the USA is a chill place, trying 2 make some positive changes.' It seems like M.I.A. is 'trying to take a shit' on our nation/our leader/etc. Seems hard for me to identify with artists who don't see America as being 'fucking awesome', even when we had a Repubby President. We must support our leaders. Sorta wish ppl were punished when they performed public acts of rebellion. Wish our government monitored twitter, kinda like Iran.

I am not sure if M.I.A. lives in the USA. It seems like these types of 'snark comments' might make her some sort of person on a list of 'bad people' according to the US govt, since she has been linked 2 'terrorist groups' or something.. It seems like making anti-Obama statements might diminish her appeal to liberal alts. Like there might be Protests outside of her shows in the United States by liberals and conservatives.

I am not sure if the Nobel Peace Prize is still a 'prestigious' award. It seems like it would be comparable to some sort of 'Blog Awards' that reward 'The Best Blog on the Planet' or something. Or possibly an 'MTV Award' in film/music/music videos. Seems like a nice process, but it ultimately helps the awards show when u can 'brand the award' with the most popular performers. Think I might start an 'awards system' for some sort of alternative genre, and maybe it will appear to be 'more real' over time.

But still, it's 'fucking awesome' that Barry Obama was named the most Noble Human on the Planet. A Bro Who Branded himself as 'Hope' & 'Change' finally gets some sort of reward (besides the Presidency). Seems like a 'huge victory' for 'us.'

We can never forget who we are as a nation, and our special mission as 'the best nation in the World.' We must stay unified in our beliefs and steadfast in the American way. Any1 who does not approve of our way of life is a terrorist since they don't 'get' us and are ultimately trying 2 harm us. God has truly blessed our nation, and we must accept our responsibility to 'bring good' to the rest of the world. You are either a patriot or a terrorist--there is nothing in between.

Nvr Frgt.

Will u boycott M.I.A.?
R u proud of Barry Obammy?
Can the USA 'rebrand' itself 2 the world?
R u a patriot or a terrorist?

Previous M.I.A. Coverage

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