Hipster Runoff | Hipster Runoff

Hipster Runoff

'WE'RE ON FACEBOOK.' Let's get social and @_like 1 another.


Link: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Hipster-Runoff-official/194694380545903

~~~LIKE US ON FACEBOOKS~~~
~~~BE MY FRIEND~~~
~~~TAG ME IN FOTOS~~~
~~~INVITE ME 2 EVENTS~~~

'WE'RE ON FACEBOOK--IT'S OFFICIAL'
-MARK ZUCKS


News. Updates. Wall2Wall.
Recommending kewl buzzbands 2 ur bros.
Let's get social.
Let's update some statuses.
We're finally on The_Social_Network.

Maybe we'll have some 'contests' and make u 'follow' + 'like' 2 be entered in2 it or something 'new and social' like that.

Let's write on eachother's walls. Here is my profile.

It feels great 2 be 'social' now.
I feel like we can finally 'talk' abt life, now.
I wanna be ur friend
Plz 'friend' me.
Let's 'cross streams' and unite.
I wanna share/stream my life with u.

It feels great 2 share this experience with u.

We're finally on Facebooks.
Follow us on twitter @hipsterrunoff!
Feel free 2 chat us on FB chat! http://www.facebook.com/pages/Hipster-Runoff-official/194694380545903

Feel free 2 chat us on Twitter_chat @hipsterrunoff

What do yall want 2 see more of on HIPSTER RUNOFF?

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Meme, DJ, Company, Buzzband, Blog, Alternative Celebrity

HIPSTER RUNOFF is a blog worth blogging abt, created by Carles that is trying 2 stay relevant. It blogs abt buzzbands, alt stuff, relevant topics, the end of the social web, and more.

Read more>>>>

Mark Zuckerberg

Alternative Celebrity, Alternative Entrepreneur

Mark Zuckerberg is the CEO of the_facebook.com and the star of his self-directed documentary called "The Social Network."

Read more>>>>

What were the most bloggable moments/memes of 2k10?


We've come a long way
thru the 'shitstorm'/'shitfest' that was 2k10
Been thru a lot
[via the best of times, but mainly the worst of times]

What were ur fave moments/memes of 2k10?
Who were the most bloggable memes/humans/albums/newsbits/music videos of 2k10?
Who 'stole ur heart' in 2k10?
What was the 'highest moment' in HRO writing this year?
What was the 'biggest piece of shit blog post' on HIPSTER RUNOFF this year?
R u sad abt the ALT REPORT being born in February of 2k10?
Was Kanye's 10.0 the #1 moment of 2k10 or M.I.A.'s fall from grace?
Who was the biggest album letdown of 2k10?
R u ready 4 2k11?
Are indie blogs and memes abt 2 die?
r u glad 2k10 is ovr?
Is Panda Bear's TOMBOY the greatest album that never was of 2k10?
Who had the 'shittiest' album of 2k10?
What was the most overrated buzzband of 2k10?

Who/what/when was the meme-est meme that made a meme that all of us <3ed re-memeing in 2k10?

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Meme, DJ, Company, Buzzband, Blog, Alternative Celebrity

HIPSTER RUNOFF is a blog worth blogging abt, created by Carles that is trying 2 stay relevant. It blogs abt buzzbands, alt stuff, relevant topics, the end of the social web, and more.

Read more>>>>

Tired of being a blog that blogs abt worthless alt shit

Kinda over it.
Getting lame.
Maybe HRO has 'peaked' 1-2 years ago.
Maybe the indiesphere doesn't need me anymore.
No longer 'progressive'
So predictable
Say 'the same shit' ovr and ovr again
Repackage that shit
Stale brand

No reason to blog.

Wonder if I should just 'hang it up'
'call it a night'
Admit that I 'had a good run' but now it is just time 2 let other people 'do their thing'
Become the next generation of 'innovators'

Blogosphere is s0 boring
a 'machine' that I am just a part of
Hyping the same shitty bands
Saying the same shit abt dumb crap that happened on the internet

Alt Report was a complete disaster
HRO blows
blog, tweet, hits
blah blah blah

"look at me, I'm a fucking blog"
-a blog

Maybe I should get a new blog
Blog about some other 'really important topic'
But then get tired of that

What's next for HIPSTER RUNOFF?
Is it time to 'hang up my blogging boots'

Who effing cares abt buzzbands, the album of the year, 'effing hipsters'
Who cares abt leaks, undiscovered mp3s, lamestreamers
Who cares about personal branding, discovering an authentic self
Who cares about 'evolving' as a human/blog/journalist

Time is bullshit

Just going to die anyways

Going to be forgotten.

Over it

HIPSTER RUNOFF 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL [via Sirius XMU Blog Radio]


It is the 2 year anniversary special of HIPSTER RUNOFF Radio on Sirius XMU. It's been a long journey. Feel like I have a 'core group of fans' who enjoy the radio show and don't even know that HIPSTER RUNOFF is also a blog worth blggng abt.

Anyways, it has been a great 2 years. Really thankful that I got 2 know u. Rlly thnkfl 4 all of my bros in the Sirius HQ.

Here is an [EXCLUSIVE PREMIERE] sample from 2day's show. (Some1 will probs leak the show in the comments later.)

[MP3 Sample]
HIPSTER RUNOFF Radio Final Voicebreak via 2 year anniversary special

Listen to HIPSTERRUNOFF RADIO on Sirius XMU on Mondays at noon and midnight EST.

Do u <3 HIPSTER RUNOFF Radio?
Do u want Carles to 'bring back the podcast' 4 non-Sirius subcribers?
Will HRO podcasts in 2k11 become the most bloggable mp3s of the year?
Have u been there since the very beginning?
How old is HRO?
Is HRO abt 2 die?
What does it feel like 2 orgasm/do drugs/own a Macbook?

Sirius XMU on Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/siriusxmu

Plz feel free to share ur fave memories of HIPSTER RUNOFF and/or BLOG RADIO on Sirius XMU.

HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST WINNERS.

CONGRATS 2 SNACKS THE CAT (RIDING THE SLUTWAVE 4 WINNING THE HIPSTER RUNOFF HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST
AMASSING AN AMAZING 520 POSITIVE VOTES.

WE REVIEWED OUR SERVER LOGS TO AUTHENTICATE IP ADDRESSES AND VOTER SCAMS. AFTER TONS OF 'CONTROVERSY' DUE TO 'UNCHILL BROS' 'CHEATING' AND 'HACKING THE SYSTEM', OUR AUDITORS DECIDED 2 UTILIZE THE 'UP VOTES' 2 DETERMINE WHO WON.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

#1. SNACKS THE CAT GIRL (riding the slutwave)

CRUSHED IT

#2. ALT JERRY SEINFELD BRO

KILLED IT

#3. GUMBI AND SOME OTHER THING

DID UR BEST

#4. WAVVES

RODE CHILLWAVES

#5. shoegaze & shitgaze

SHOULDA BEEN RAPE GAZE AND U WOULDA WON

#6. KFC Bro

LET'S MEET UP 4 SOME ORIGINAL RECIPE

#7. Tao Lin + Urkel Hybrid

SORRY BRO

#8. Killer Doll

U DID UR BEST

#9. Slutty wolf bro

* SLUTTY WOLF BRO WAS ORIGINAL WINNER OF CONTEST VIA UP+DOWN TOTAL SUM VOTING SYSTEM. HE/SHE WILL RECEIVE SPECIAL CONSIDERATIONS/PRIZE PRIVILEGES.

#10. B1-RACIAL THE KN1FE /// via AZN OLOF 2k10

U DID IT

VIEW THE REMAINDER OF THE RESULTS
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/topcostumes

WE WILL BE BACK NEXT YEAR WITH EVEN MORE AUTHENTIC PRIZES AND MORE COMPLEX/SIMPLE VOTING ALGORITHMS.
THNX 2 EVERY1 WHO PARTICIPATED.
START THINKING ABT UR COSTUMES 4 NEXT YEAR IF U RLLY WANT 2 WIN.

What do u think of the winner?

Is the SNACKS THE CAT GIRL the next HRO 'it girl'?
How did Snacks the Cat girl win?
R u glad the Halloween bullshit is ovr?
Is Carles + his blog + his competitive democratic process = 'full of shit'?
Is it more pointless 2 vote in a 'real election' or in a 'Halloween election' designed as a 'traffic gimmick' 4 an alternative website?
Should Snacks the Cat girl actually get to meet Snacks the Cat?

R u in <3 with Snacks the Cat Girl?
What's next for Snacks the Cat Girl's indie career? Can she 'defend her title' nxt year?
Did Snacks the Cat Girl 'save' 2k10 from being the worst buzz year in history of the indiesphere?

A [HIGHLY BLOGGABLE] HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST


GO: http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/halloween

BREAKING EXXXCLUSIVE HALLOWEEN CONTEST
SEARCHING 4 THE MOST AUTHENTIC HALLOWEEN COSTUME ON THE INTERNET
A COSTUME THAT IS CAPTURED IN .JPG AT A RELEVANT PARTIE
AND LASTS 4EVER ON THE INTERNET
FOR THE ENTIRE BLOGOSPHERE 2 ENJOY/VIRAL/SHARE/MEME/TWEET

Let's make Halloween Last 4evr...

RULES / PROCESS

  1. U can submit your entry here http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/node/add/halloween.
  2. U can only vote once per hour. We have our technical team working on this feature.
  3. U can vote for as many contestants are you want.
  4. Your costume must be authentic.
  5. Your pictures must be highly bloggable.
  6. You may not purchase takeover advertising on Pitchfork.com to promote your campaign.
  7. There will be no ties. There must be a winner.
  8. Voting will close at midnight next Saturday (11-6-2010).
  9. The winner will be announced on Sunday (11-7-2010).
  10. There will be prizes for the Top 10 contestants.
  11. It should be ur own picture/urself/nothing that gets this blog sued for $1million blog dollars. By submitting a picture u 'acknowledge' that it is ur 'property' or something like that.
PRIZES

ENTRY LEVEL PRIZE

Each of the Top 10 contestants will have their picture and narrative featured on Alt Report during the week after the contest ends. Carles will also be willing to write you a recommendation letter to the graduate school of ur choice. He is also willing to write a letter to ur parents 'explaining u' as a person/human.

CHILL PRIZES

The Top 5 Costume designers/bros/QTs will receive the opportunity to negotiate for the following gimmick of their choice:

  • a chance to 'guest post' on HIPSTER RUNOFF
  • a chance to curate the Alt Report for a day
  • a 30 minute phone call with Carles
  • the chance to deliver a 5 minute pitch to Carles about a small business opportunity
  • an 'exclusive' first run edition of the next I AM CARLES tshirt / merch gimmick
  • Employment Opportunities with HIPSTER RUNOFF
  • a gift card to a franchise restaurant of a nominal value
  • take over @hipsterrunoff on twitter for a day
  • A chance to be worked into the logo/header image of HIPSTER RUNOFF
AUTHENTIC GRAND PRIZE

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN WIN THIS CONTEST?

THE GRAND PRIZE IS THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE DINNER + GET REAL WITH CARLES AT THE MOST AUTHENTIC RESTAURANT CHAIN IN AMERICA: CHILI’S.

IF THERE IS NO CHILI’S AVAILABLE IN YOUR CITY/STATE/WORLD, WE WILL FIND A SUBSTITUTE RESTAURANT BUT IT WON’T BE AS GREAT.

YOU CAN BRING 1-3 FRIENDS & CARLES WILL BRING 0-10 FRIENDS.

R u going to submit ur authentic costume?


What r u gonna be for halloween?
Can u win this contest?
Is a cute girl gonna win this contest in a slutty alt costume?
Is this 'contest' gonna be mad alt or a flop?
Are a bunch of lamestreamers going 2 enter this contest?

GO:

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/halloween

Coming Soon... HIPSTER RUNOFF HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST

HIPSTER RUNOFF PRESENTS A [HIGHLY BLOGGABLE] HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST

With a 'grand prize' that will make ur like 1000% more meaningful/relevant...

[DETAILS COMING SOON]

What r u going 2 b 4 Halloween?
Is it going to be relevant?
R u going to be 'bloggable'?
R u going to be an 'alt celebrity'?
Will ur costume be a relevant meme that lasts 4 evr?

Who will be the next emerging demographic to read HIPSTER RUNOFF?


Sometimes I get scared, scared that I can't stay relevant forever. Every day a new fan comes to my blog and reads it. Tweens grow up, search for self-awareness. Parents look for cool web content that gives them a perspective on the worldviews of their children. New fans 'stumble upon' HRO via tweet/facebooks/stumbling upon, etc. I wonder if with each new fan, HRO becomes a little bit less authentic.

Wonder if there is a 'new frontier' of readers who can be cultivated, converted into HRO loyalist. Fans who know how to chill. Readers who just want to be authentic.

Wonder if cats/kittens are the future of HRO readers.
Seems like they will be chill, and they can just mill around on top of their macbooks, vibing out, scrolling down the page, enjoying the blog for what it is--a blog.

So many ppl complain
"Carles, the commenters are soo annoying"
"Carles, the commenters try to sound just like u."
"Carles, every1 just tries to get first."
"Carles, u were relevant in 2k4"
"Carles, u need to post more music"
"Carles, ______ is not very alt"
"Carles, ur mainstream writings are brilliant, why do u waste time on buzzbands?"
"Carles, ur site is NSFW"
"Carles, ______ sux. They shouldn't be a buzzband"
"Carles, don't make fun of ______ for smoking dank."
"Carles, all u do is rely on a formula that isn't funny any more."
"Carles, why did u hire shitty writers to generate so much shitty content?"
"Carles, why do u keep pretending to retire?"
"Carles, u post too much"
"Carles, u don't post enough"
"Carles, where is the HIPSTER RUNOFF EP?"
"Carles, will u give me a job with HRO inc?"
"Carles, why are ur ads soo annoying"
"Carles, did u steal my weed?"
"carles, why r u so negative towards artists?"
"Carles, why r u such a _______?"
"Who the eff do u think u r?"

So many questions/concerns/h8rs/<3rs
So many messages
Sometimes I just don't know who I'm supposed to be as a blog
If I can just be 'me'
or if u want me 2 be 'some1 else'

So many expectations
Wish I could just escape
become a chill cat
with an owner who blows dank smoke in my face to 'get me high'

It's not easy being a blog.
What is the future of HIPSTER RUNOFF?
Is HIPSTER RUNOFF 'going down the shitter'?
Has HIPSTER RUNOFF 'peaked'?
What do u want to see more/less of on HIPSTER RUNOFF?
Is the HRO commenting community 'O.O.C.'? (out of control)
Do u h8 Carles?
Should Carles 'pass on the torch' to a new, exciting, aspiring young blogger?
In the future, will humans stop reading HRO?
In the future, will cats start reading HRO?

SIRIUS XMU OFFICIAL 2K10 SUMMER MIX TAPE

Sirius XMU HRO Summer 2k10 mix tape, playing all during Labor Day weekend.

Shout out to all my bros with Sirius
vibing out in ur car
on ur portable radio
listening 2 indie tunes
(and Howard Stern)

Just made some 'mix tape' of authentic 'summer tunes'
that capture the vibe of summer
via fuzzy buzzy at the beach
and relevant new releases of the summer
[via deadbeat summers]

Miss u summer
growing older
not sure if u exist any more
now that I have a 9-5 job
and only get 2 weeks off per year

but I know summer will live on forever
in the spirit of indie buzzworthy mp3s

Do u ever drive around suburbia and listen 2 Carles in ur car?

</embed>

Do u <3/h8 Carles?

Shout out 2 all my Sirius bros.
Sorry for neglecting yall.
do yall <3 HIPSTER RUNOFF on Sirius XMU blog radio? Or is it mad annoying?
If u made a summer mix tape, what song would u put on it?
Was summer 2k10 a 'let down' for chill indie summery songs?

</embed>

'U can travel the world...
but nothing comes close 2 the golden coast'
-the greatest lyrics that Best Coast never wrote

THE GENRE SHIRT RETIREMENT SALE


The end of an era.
The end of the Genre Shirt.
Thousands sold, limited quantities left.

U've been there a long time for me, Genre Shirt
Remember the time u got ur write up in the New York Times? [link]
Felt like u were 1 of the most relevant t-shirts of all time.

BUY NOW: http://iamcarles.com

Miss u Bebe

damn. the meme is dead. here comes the summer

oh yeah u can buy this shirt too in 'limited sizes'



we had a good run
seems like it is time to 'cash out'
end it all
not even sure
abt my identity any more

Just wanna make love to my altbros wearing a genre shirt

EXCLUSIVE UNLOCKED LEAKED DISCOUNT CODES

XLBRO (40% off for bros who wear extra large tshirts )
XSQT (50% off for ultra keut lil girls)
MISSU (25% off for everything else)

Just want Xtra Small QTs to wear 'the brand' at all costs.
Worried
need 2 liquidate
before the relevant buzz mice start eating thru the Am Appy boxes in 'the warehouse'/corner of my room
compromising my inventory
cutting into 'margins'

Never give up on the Carles Brand

Miss u

U had a good run, Genre shirt

Wonder if Genre shirt will 'retire' then 'come out of retirement' in 2-5 years at an increased cost
Wonder what genres will emerge, or if 'chillwave' is the last stupid genre that the indiesphere will let happen.
Wonder if this is 'the end' of the I Am Carles brand.

BUY NOW: http://iamcarles.com
EXCLUSIVE UNLOCKED LEAKED DISCOUNT CODES

XLBRO (40% off for bros who wear extra large tshirts )
XSQT (50% off for ultra keut lil girls)
MISSU (25% off for every other size)

Bebe Zeva

Alternative Celebrity

Bebe Zeva is a model for the I AM CARLES brand.

Read more>>>>

Carles

Meme, Blog, Alternative Celebrity

Carles is the popular blogger from the popular internet website HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Read more>>>>

An Entry Level Guide To Chillwave: The Latest Post-Indie Genre That Every1 is Talking About

Hey yall. I still have a weekly show on Sirius XMU. Do yall listen 2 it? Do u give a shit or just want 2 read blog memes?

I did a special on 'the emerging genre of chillwave' for them. I think it is basically meant to explain 'why chillwave is so buzzworthy' to rich people who can afford satellite radio, but just casually listen to 'indie rock' instead of following it intensely on the internet.

Here is the Generic Info:

SIRIUS XMU to Broadcast Special on “Chillwave” Music Genre
Carles, SIRIUS XM Blog Radio host and creator of the popular indie culture blog Hipster Runoff, will present “An Entry Level Guide to Chillwave” on SIRIUS XMU. Carles has been credited with coining the term “Chillwave” to describe bands like Washed Out, Toro Y Moi, Neon Indian, Small Black and Memory Tapes. For this SIRIUS XMU special, Carles will select the music and detail the brief, but influential, history of this emerging sub genre of indie music.

The “Chillwave” special will premiere on Friday, April 23 at 6:00 pm ET and will be rebroadcast on Saturday, April 24 at 9:00 am and 3:00 pm and Sunday, April 25 at 12:00 am, 12:00 pm and 6:00 pm (all times Eastern). Carles can be heard every Monday on SIRIUS XMU’s Blog Radio, the music show hosted by a different influential music blogger every weekday at 12:00 pm ET on SIRIUS XMU, SIRIUS channel 26 and XM channel 43.

Show times:
Friday 6 pm ET
Saturday 9 am + 3 pm ET
Sunday 12 am, 12 pm, 6 pm ET

In this audio content, I confront various chillwave issues:
How did chillwave start?
How do u determine whether or not an artist is chillwave?
Do rock n roll critics hate chillwave?
Will chillwave go mainstream, kinda like indie?
Is chillwave a 'ghey ass' / stupid genre name?
Do music journalists h8 chillwave?
What happened 2 'indie' music?

BLOG365: A Cutting Edge Web Project by Carles of HIPSTER RUNOFF

I have decided to make a commitment to myself, and a commitment to the blog, and attempt something that no other human/website on this earth has done.

Blog365: A cutting edge, never before seen/experienced web project.

This is BLOG365.
Welcome to BLOG365.
One blog's mission to post 365 days a year for the next year.
Who knows what might happen over the course of one year
BLOG365: ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN
BLOG365: Bleeding Edge Web Project

What would happen if one person kept you up to date on his or her life for the entire year?

////BLOG365: a new 'inspiring brand' by Carles.
Do u live life 2 blog365?

What if u valued ur opinion to post about it 365 days a year for one year?
Do u believe it would make the world a better place?
What if I told you youtube embeds and jpgs could make the world a better place?
BLOG365

R U BLOG365?

Is the world ready for BLOG365?
This is truly like nothing the world has ever seen before:
BLOG365--blogging about the world for 365 days straight
ups, downs, all arounds
journey to the center of being a human
in the modern world and taking pictures with your digital camera then hearing about issues and talking about them with other people to feel connected

BLOG365: A truly innovative idea by Carles of HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Please use the comments section to let the world know what ur doing for BLOG365.

I AM CARLES.com: Brand Relaunch // Introducing 'The Genre Shirt.'

IAMCARLES.com introduces the GENRE SHIRT.
A shirt for hi-level music bros.

"What kind of music do u listen 2?"

What's ur fave genre of music? Chillwave, pitchforkcore, alt-rock, or lofi-Christian-trance?

Way more authentic than wearing the t-shirt of an individual indie band.

Helps ppl understand that u r transcendent. U r not a fan of 1 band. U r a a fan of 'good/relevant' music.

What did u list as ur fave music on facebook/myspace?

(available in 2 colours)

About to go 2 bed. Listening 2 my iPod.

Genres are important to the evolution of music/music fans.
Genre names may or may not be 'completely retarded.'
Genres are tools that we use 2 communicate abt music.
Without genres, we wouldn't know what kind of music we like.
Genres are labels we give to groups of similar music/artists.

the GENRE SHIRT: Presented/designed by Carles from IAMCARLES.com


$25

Buy Now
www.iamcarles.com

//////////
////////// Shirt #2
//////////


TAO LIN 1983-???? SHIRT

A self-portrait by popular alternative writer, Tao Lin.

Author of Shoplifting from American Apparel.

I am Tao Lin.


$19

Buy Now @ http://www.iamcarles.com/

////////////
///////////Shirt #3
////////////
I AM CARLES THANK YALL shirt.

Let's reconnect... (miss u)

Still just bein Carles.


$18

Buy Now @ http://www.iamcarles.com/

/////////////
/////////// I AM CARLES dot com
//////////// still here 4 u
/////////// just want 2 help ur prsnl brand
/////////// want 2 enable u 2 connect
/////////// with ppl who truly 'get' u

www.iamcarles.com

srsly tho....
what kind of music do u listen 2?

the GENRE SHIRT: now selling @ IAMCARLES.com

What r u buying ur BFF 4 xmas?

Bebe Zeva

Alternative Celebrity

Bebe Zeva is a model for the I AM CARLES brand.

Read more>>>>

Carles

Meme, Blog, Alternative Celebrity

Carles is the popular blogger from the popular internet website HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Read more>>>>

My Name is Carles. I was Born 2 Blog

Last night I had a dream that I was in a relevant dive bar, drinking an imported beer with God. He told me, "Son. I'm proud of you. Don't be so afraid. Be yourself. Move forward. Listen. Listen to the people."

I replied, "I'm scared, God."

"What are you scared of?"

"Maybe I just don't have it any more. Maybe this whole blog thing isn't for me."

Jesus took a sip of beer and responded, "Carles. You have always been an authentic bro. That will never change. This above all, to thine own bro be true."

He was right. In that moment, I tuned out the classic new wave blasting in the background, and I realized something had been missing from my life for the past week or so. I had given away something that meant so much to me to a few acquaintances who I had met at a Blogging and Internet Workshop in late 2007. I had given my blog to Becca, Mike, and Reginald. It was time to stop running away from my problems. It was time to confront my fears as a blogger.

God eyed a cute 17 year old lingering by the DJ booth, obviously afraid to buy a drink and risk getting carded by the 35 year old bartendercore bartender. I knew he was about to bail on me to take advantage of some sweet, young vagina--he was really into being 'daddy' to so many young girls who needed lessons on 'how to be a hipster' before he ditched them when they turned 18.

Godbro turned to me and said, "Carles. You know what you need to do. I'm not going to tell you, because the answer is inside of you." He walked towards the 17 year old, and his thick FleetFox-like beard was like a blowjie magnet to the 17-year old prey. Needless to say, God had booked a one-way ticket to Cum City, USA. He looked at me and said, "Cha-ching" then pretended to put a penis in his mouth, representing the eventual blowjob he would get in the bar restroom.

I walked out of the bar into the cold of the night. I knew what I had to do.

"I'm going to get my blog back."

I went home and took my Macbook Pro out of the recycling bin.

****************

"We all have a reason to be alive. Michael Jordan was put on this Earth to put balls in baskets. Michael Jackson was put here to entertain. Tiger Woods was put on this Earth to _________. I am here to blog. This bro is me. This blog is me."
-Carles, 2k9

This is Carles. After spending some time away from the internet, I decided that it was time to unretire. After reading thousands of emails and tweets from concerned followers, I finally understand why I am alive. I was put on this Earth to blog. For those of you who don't know, blogging is an art form invented sometime in the 1990s, but gained tons of steam in the 2k0s.

In many interviews with numerous esteemed paper magazines, many interviewers ask me, "When did you know that this is what you wanted to do? When did you know that you are the Hipstar Ranoff?" I remember when I was a child, I wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer, or a professional in some other field that would offer me a bright financial future, with a chance to make a difference in my local community. Something that would give me the opportunity to raise a well-fed family and drive a nice car to my nice home every night. Then I turned into a teenager/post-teenager, and discovered my alternative identity. I wanted to express myself, contribute to 'the arts', or possibly some sort of niche micro-scene. I wanted to be paid for 'being myself,' or at least create a marketable self and 'make Am Appy ad $$$$.'

"For a minute there, I lost myself"

-Thom Yorke

I must not be afraid of the opportunity that is the Hipster Ronuff blog. I must move forward, promoting progressive journalism and web media. I must continue analyzing mainstream and alternative topics. Carles has been widely regarded as 'the last great music critic/journalist.' Additionally, many websites like Pitchfork Media and GorillaVsBear credit Carles for the success of breaking such bands as Animal Collective, Neon Indian, and Grizzly Bear. With Carles acting as a consumer tastemaker forecaster and trendsetter, the scene is truly a better place. The Mission of the Carles is still alive. The Passion of the Carles is still alive in his 'tribe'/'twitter following.'


"The Passion of the Carles."

-Mel Gibson

We can't forget about the teens/tweens.

We can't forget about the former altbros.
We can't forget about the middle aged music criticism core bros.
We can't forget about the 'ppl who like to laugh at effing hipsters.'
We can't forget about the readers.
The readers who take this blog very seriously.
We must move forward together.
We must be trendsetters together.
We must filter out the finest bands/memes/tweets for our consumption.
This is our internet. This is our country. This is our generation. This is our bloggiosphere 2.

"It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive"

-Bon Jovi

Srsly worried about 2k10 though. Feel like 'the rug will be pulled out from under us' unless we 'put together a plan' to 'totally overhaul the scene', throwing past trends/bands/fashions under the bus, and moving forward. The next decade will be our last war, holding on to the power of our demographic as a consumer force before the tween generation evolves. We must get better jobs. We must not have kids. We must control trends so that tweens are late-adopters to technology/products/brands/etc. We must uphold the brands that we hold dear, and not make them affordable to minorities and the poors.


When 2k10 begins, "Alt" will end. These are the last days of Alt. These are the last days of 'indie.'

This is my mission. I am Carles. A blog.


"God Bless us...Every One."

-Tiny Tim


"Never forget."

-the people who branded 9-11

The Brand is Alive. Ur kinda Carles.

"Never, ever, ever give up. Here is an orange wedge. Make sure to drink some fluids."
-Carles coaching his son's youth sports team

n/a

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Should Carles retire?

Hey tweeple... Not sure if this blog is for me any more. Had a good run, but maybe this is it. Plenty of other alt sites out there to choose from. Dropped some sweet memes, made some cool new internet friends, but maybe my future is in 'real life' instead of the internet.

You did your best, Carles. You were a good blog.

Best,
Carles

What was the most memorable HRO post of 2k9?

What post meant the most 2 u?
Did 1 post inspire u?
Did a post make u 'lol', then cry?
Was this the worst year of HRO in the history of HRO?
Is HRO the album of the decade?
Did Carles 'peak' when he invented the genre name 'chillwave'?
What's next for Carles in 2k10?
What kind of coverage do u want 2 see in 2k10?
Will tweens still be relevant in 2k10?
Are 'altbros' dead?
What was the most annoying ad campaign on HRO this year?
What type of coverage do u want 2 see on the Alt Report?
Was this the final year of HRO?
What will be the buzz terms/internet slang of 2k10?
Is 'life' a gift?
Is 'life on the internet' a greater gift?

HIPSTER RUNOFF: A safe place for teens and adults to hang out

Carles Completes the New York City Marathon.


I truly believe that a brand can inspire a human to do something that they never thought they could accomplish.   I want to inspire bros to believe that they can do 'anything under the sun.'  This is the goal of any successful brand.  Giving the common man 'hope.'  It is this hope that sustains your will to live.   Without a will to live, you are less than human after all.

I want you to believe that you are #1.  Not just to your parents and to yourself, but to the entire world.  Similar to how black athletes and rappers feel, but in a more genuine+logical way.

Life is sorta like a marathon.  There's a lot of other people competing against u, but u sorta just need 2 run ur own race, and u can sorta convince yourself that you some how 'won.'

I am the only bro in this pack of runners listening to Animal Collective.

Need to 'overcome.'

////continue reading

Carles

Meme, Blog, Alternative Celebrity

Carles is the popular blogger from the popular internet website HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Read more>>>>

R I P I AM CARLES

It was the bro-est of times, it was the brorst of times.

Good nite, world.
-carles

You were a good meme. You did ur best.

I AM CARLES Halloween Blowout Sale.

In this post, Carles will attempt to utilize his web brand as an 'eCommerce retailing outlet', attempting to brand himself as a 'man of the people' by giving his viewership an opportunity to 'buy shit from his brand.'

Carles announces a 'once in a lifetime sale.' Carles announces the 'Halloween Blowout Sale' of the once popular meme, IAMCARLES. This sale is meant to target people who 'want 2 be Carles' 4 the popular holiday 'Halloween.' For a limited time, the IAMCARLES shirt price has been 'fucking slashed' to $22.

Ordering before Tuesday means that you will get your I AM CARLES at a discounted price. Your shipping will be 'upgraded' to ensure delivery before the Saturday holiday. This is your 'only chance' to get a 'sweet deal' on the IAMCARLES shirt before they are all gone. It feels like I have 'sold a lot of them', but still need a 'sale' to liquidate inventory/ rejuvenate potential interest in t-shirt ownership.

This type of sale will surely 'do in' the last of the of IAMCARLES t-shirt inventory.

Who will u be 4 Halloween?

'Am I getting a good deal for $22?' 'Is Carles worth supporting?' 'Did Carles empty out his annual trustfund stipend before the year was over?'

Is the IAMCARLES tshirt a bad Halloween costume idea?

I AM CARLES HALLOWEEN BLOWOUT SALE--a concept 'sale'
Goal: 2 get ppl 2 buy tshirts and be 'carles' 4 halloween
Gimmick Pros for shoppers: Discounted Price, Upgraded shipping
Cons: Still potentially 'overpriced.'
Fun ideas: put fake blood on Carles shirt, and u can be 'Carles after a Juggalo killed him'
Price: $22 (includes expedited shipping)
Buy Now at this URL: http://iamcarles.com/

'On Halloween, u will put on ur IAMCARLES shirt, and transform into a relevant blog. This is the perfect costume for the modern world.'

CARLES PROUDLY ANNOUNCES The Teenz 4 t-shirts program

Carles has also heard many stories about teens with no debit cards/paypal accounts/etc. He has launched the T-shirts for Tweens Program, which is dedicated to the mission of giving under-18-year olds the same consumer opportunities to 'waste money on internet products.' The program is meant to enable teens to purchase Carles goods through non-paypalian methods.

Please contact me at carleser [at] gmail.com if you are a teen/miscellaneous adult who does not trust 'online commerce.' When was ur first bank account/debit card? Do u wish u could only use cash so u couldn't 'waste money on shit' on the internet?


Visit I AM CARLES.com now to participate in this sale.

http://iamcarles.com/

'The Brand is stronger/weaker than ever, and we must capitalize b4 we all die.'
-Jesus Christ, God, and the Virgin Mary in a 'branding' strategy session

'I honestly feel like I am still creating compelling content when I make a whore-ish post.'
-Carles, commenting on the state of the blogosphere/journalism/music criticism+tastemaking

Will u be Carles 4 Halloween?

Sale ends on Tuesday.

iamcarles.com

The Hipster Runoff Blog has ‘crashed.’


This blog has 'crashed.'

Please get to know our technical team.

I am a designer. I am Carles.

I am a designer.

I am Carles.

I am a designer.

I am Carles.

I am Carles.

I am a designer.

I am Carles.

We are designers on Mac Apple computers.

I am Carles.

I am a designer.

I am Carles.

I am a designer.

I am Carles.

I am a designer.

I am Carles.

I am a designer. I am Carles.
U r both. We are designer Carleses.

http://www.iamcarles.com

This post was indirectly 'sponsored by iamcarles.com.

Carles Presents 'IAmCarles.com'


I have always wanted to be a designer. I believe that we can meaningfully impact the world by the not only the things that we own, but also the clothes that we wear. We live in a beautiful society which encourages tiered self-expression depending on your income. You can truly show the world who you are, and where you 'fit in' with society.

Carles Presents I Am Carles dot-com
http://www.iamcarles.com

I am Carles is a lifestyle brand, created by Carles.

The brand is meant to be 'high level' but also 'relatable.' Similar to Chili's. You feel comfortable when you eat there, but you are also having a unique experience.

Do u feel alone? The IAMCARLES.com brand is attempting to be similar to the HIPSTERRUNOFF.com brand. It wants u 2 feel like it 'gets' u. Carles wants to relate to you.


Bro
alone on the internet
downloading illegal mp3s
Pulls out credit card
purchases t-shirts of bands and brands
because buying things off the internet
seems 'more authentic' than the limited selection of
local shops in his suburban area.

//////This post is 'sponsored' by iamcarles.com

'I will take a picture of u and remember it 4 ever
the way u looked that day
young 4evr and ever' -something a fashion line would say, I think.

It feels good to finally put my design school degree 2 use.
I never thought I could create something.
Bringing a product to market requires tons of teamwork and dedication.
Lots of emails, lots of decisions.
Just doing your best to 'preserve/strengthen ur brand' without 'losing authenticity.'
It means not isolating ppl.

Please see our limited time offer which includes a shirt hand delivered by Carles

I wonder if this tshirt will cut into the 'band tee shirt' demographic.

'For a limited time, I will offer you free shipping'
- a company that doesn't understand that consumers know that they are 'paying for shipping' somehow.

Carles will be adding new authentic products soon. Please let Carles know what products you need.

R U CARLES? //// I AM CARLES?























This post was sponsored by IAMCARLES.com. For more information, visit http://www.iamcarles.com

Please email carleser [at] gmail.com if you would like to interview Carles about his design process + brand goals.

I don't want to be a blog any more.

Tired of being a blog, and the negative connotations that come with 'being a blogger.' I possibly want to be 'a writer' instead of 'a blogger.' I don't want to have a blog, I want to have a well-respected website that provides insightful commentary on relevant issues, and gets Dugg. I am not sure how to accomplish my goals.

I might try to make my website 'less bloggy.' Not sure how to do this. Maybe if I turn off comments, my posts will seem more 'absolute', like it doesn't matter what n e 1 says. Maybe I will change my font. I recently read that Helvetty is an 'immature font.' Just want to be taken seriously, and seem 'hella attractive' to advertisers who want to reach the most coveted demographics.

Just want to 'report stuff', but also write 'very formally' without any gimmicks, even if it feels less natural to me. Just tired of being a blog any more. Not even sure if my goal in life is to be 'worth blogging about' n e more. Just feel like everything is irrelevant. Part of the alternative long tail, or something.

Feeling meaningless. Feeling like even when u become 'relevant' on the internet, maybe it's still a lil meaningless. Sad. Not sure if I still want to be a 'blog.' Not sure if 'blogging' is a viable career option. My parents are making me change majors from Design to Chemistry so that I can get into medical school.

Not sure who I am n e more.

'Another day, another meme.'

'So Many blogs, so many memes.'

'So many memes, so many [vias].'

'So many buzzbands, so many pitchforks.'

'So many niche blogs, so many ad spaces.'

'2Many Bloggers.'

Might start a 'website for opinions' instead of a 'blog.' Might be a dying format, kinda like 'magazines/newspapers.'

Designing a fashion line.

'leaked' images.

I have always wanted to be a 'designer' & create a 'meaningful brand.'

Carles Retires the old era of 'MEMORABLE POSTS' in order to save his blog brand.

I am going to remove some of the 'iconic imagery' from the MEMORABLE POSTS section of my site. It feels weird to 'grow older' as a blog. It's a lot like 'growing older' as a 'real person', since you look back on a previous era in your life, and you feel sort of ashamed and disconnected from the person that you are today. While you are grateful that you accumulated 'meaningful life experience', you realize that your 'view on life' was warped+retarded. U needed time 2 grow into the authentic person that u r today.

Ultimately, the MEMORABLE POSTS are there so that 'new site visitors' can get a snapshot of 'what HRO is all about.' Feels like my site probably looks 'mad stale' + irrelevant, since there are faces like Steve Aoki + Girl Talk + miscellaneous bloghouse personalities showing up whenever my site loads. Carles needs to rebrand HRO 'as quickly as possible', showcasing his most recent era of 'memorable posts.'

This is a reflection upon old MEMORABLE POSTS, where I try to remember why these posts were relevant, and 'what was going through my head' as I wrote them.

********
Post: PITCHFORK STARTS WAR WITH ELECTROBLOG COMMUNITY + Steve Aoki + DIM MAK + the rock/dance zeitgeist
Date: February 21, 2008

I think this is the first post where I 'actually wrote a long post with 'real writing'' and it 'really resonated within the mp3 blogosphere', which was very electro-centric at the time and mainly only focused on 'getting hits by posting mp3s. At the time, I probably felt 'very inspired' like 1 day, if I blogged hard enough, I would become 'as big and relevant as pitchfork.' Psychologically, it was probably just part of a huge inferiority complex that seems too embarrassing to go back and read the entire post. Like I don't want to explore what my 'thesis statement' was...or like if you went back in time and read your college essays and thought 'I was a faggot when I was 18 years old.'

Sort of just feel miniscule, like I will never 'touch as many livez as P4k' or that I won't make 'as much ad revenue' as they do. Think that there is also this underlying theme of 'mp3 blogz are young, fresh, and authentic' and 'pitchfork is all old ppl.' Feel like I probably 'think less' of mp3 blogs, and generally 'feel lukewarm' about Pitchfork now. Guess we all have different goals, but we are all possibly still all trying to become the #1 site on the internet who makes the most money and connects the most amount of people, uniting every1 around something that we all love, like 'music' or 'pictures of ourselves.'

Just skimmed the post and it seems very short. I posted an entire p4k review within the post. Not sure if I have even read an entire p4k review since. Jesus Christ. Really need to take that picture down so I don't seem 'too electro.' Not sure if people even know who Aoki is any more.

***********
Post: WTF is a lifestyle brand?
Date: May 25, 2008


I think I wrote this post back when the electro era was becoming 'very monetized.' Like when Justice became 'larger than life' and for some reason, you knew the name of some weekly party/venue/altClub on the East/West Coast. I think there was a time when alternative people were honored as a relevant demographic who marketers needed to reach in order to give their product 'credibility.' Also,people were looking to export the products that 'we were into' into the mainstreamer economy.

Think it also analyzed the desire that most bands have to 'try to make it' and become this entity that changes the world + sells tons of merch. Seems like a 'very low level concept' now that I am a senior in college, finishing up my Political Science degree.

*************
Post: My Relationship With Girl Talk
Date: July 2, 2008

I think that this gif is 'very eye catching', but I skimmed back to the post and realized that it is 'not very epic at all.' It was a pretty interesting time when Girl Talk was going from alt to malstream, and then from maltstream to mainstream. Seems like a 'pretty obvious post', like something that an entry level blogger would make in 2010 as an excuse to post some sweet MP3s to hypemachine. Very 'weak' obvious take, like a sports fan calling into a talk radio show just to give his opinion. Maybe at the time, people 'weren't talking about' this aspect of Girl Talk, and just 'deifying him' or something.

I think Girl Talk is 'no longer relevant', and it is possibly very bad for my blog brand to have his face appear every time the page loads. I think that in the future, Girl Talk should only be blogged about by huge gossip blogs, saying things like 'this shit really gets da party started, yall!' He will probably morph into one of those really annoying old bros who get 'blurbed about' any time that they say something that is 'relatively obvious' about music business strategy on the internet.

***********

Post: WTF is blog house?
Date: July 10, 2008

Blog house is probably 0% relevant as of today. It seems like the genre is officially an 'inside joke' or something, but I still find it to be 45% funnier than it was when I wrote this post. I think it seems like I should probably just retire the phrase 'bloghouse' and possibly brand my site with the whole 'conceptual core' genre/gimmick.

Just read the post, and I think I just listed a bunch of bands, and analyzed what type of 'electro' they were. Feel like when I wrote this post, I 'honestly thought that my taste in music was the best in the world' and wanted to post-post-ironically brand that music as 'bloghouse' to represent how that music only belonged to me and a group of my closest internet neighbors.

I think this post is important because it made my site the #1 result when u google 'blog house.' I have read that it is important to be 'search engine optimized.'

***********
Post: Mainstream = Alt: TenenbaumZissou Edition
Date: September 12, 2008

This post was not very memorable, but I think I made it a 'memorable post' just because it exploits the iconography of Wes Anderson, and says something 'extreme' above his face. Feel like if I were some internet bro visiting HRO for the first time wondering what this site is all about, I would click on that link, and then I would sort of 'get' the site more. Might leave that up, just because of the reasons I just 'explained.'

***********
Post: Should I do blow off my iPhone?
Date: October 8, 2008

I think that this was an example of a 'stupid, short post' that HRO commenting culture 'really enjoyed.' Might be a post that 'resonated' because it was some 'funnie commentary' abt technology + youth culture. Just the kind of thing that some1 who doesn't fully 'get' HRO would buy into, but then some1 who super 'gets' HRO would make fun of the other bro for latching on to such a minor concept. Not much to say about this post. I think I probably wrote this post very hurriedly, worried that if I didn't make a post, I would lose 80% of my readership.

************
Post: If U Were Going 2 Kill Some1, What Would U Wear?
Date: November 17, 2008


Think that this was a mediocre post with some funnie constructed serial killer memes. Not sure if it represents my current brand, but is possibly still 'mildly funny.' Think some people are 'really into' serial killers, though.

***********
Post: I Wish they Had Macbooks when I was a Tween
Date: December 2, 2008

I feel like I 'really like the concept' behind this post, but the post featured 2 videos by 2 lil cunts dancing around to the Ting Tings and CSS [filmed by Macbook]. Unfortunately, these videos were removed since youtube 'regulated' on licensed music within videos. Feel like the post lost its meaning without those videos.

I sincerely wish I had a macbook when I was a tween. Possibly an iPhone instead.

***********

Post :
TV on the Radio: 2008’s Biggest Sham/ Gimmick/Pyramid Scheme
Date: December 22, 2008
Picture:
I think that when I wrote this post, I was in an era of 'trying too hard to be controversial.' I can't really remember what I wrote, but it was probably sort of an 'implied post.' I feel like I was probably frustrated by the amount of coverage that certain bands get as soon as they reach 'alternative tenure.' Feels sort of frustrating how when you become a 'large enough outlet', you have to 'cover everything' even if it isn't that good/doesn't fit in with the brand of your outlet. Also probably wanted to 'make people uncomfortable' by throwing race issues into the post. Think that white people 'feel guilty' about a lot of stuff.

Think it is HRO's niche to sort of 'talk shit' about bands, but I feel like I sometimes 'need to be extreme' to counteract the excessive positivity within the bloggiasphere. Still haven't listened to TVotR. Does any1 know if they are 'good'/'relevant' now?

*******************
Do yall have any reflections about these posts?
Which posts do u want Carles to do 'directorz commentary' abt?
Will u be 'sad' 2 see them go?
Which posts have been 'memorable' lately, and what images/memes would 'improve the brand of my blog?
Do u feel ashamed for identifying with HRO circa 2k_?
R u ashamed of the person who u used 2 b?

miss u old memmy posts.

Day off for Carles! No news is good news!


hey yall... not much goin on in the world today. Thought I should just admit that, not try to force anything, and give myself a lil vacation!

What I will probably do:

  • watch hulu
  • eat some pizza [via frozen [via oven] ]
  • eat some Ben & Jerry's
  • 'pleasure myself' while watching 'pornography.'
  • Stay off the internet, get some fresh air
  • avoid checking my twitter every 2 minutes... 'lol'
  • 'have a cold one'

Love yall and thanks for the support! If anything 'relevant' happens, leave them in the comments... I might be checking my email on my telephone. Kinda weird how if u rlly think about it, every day is 'the same.'

Best,
Carles

PS: U can't just force memes...  A high level meme won't just fall in ur lap every day.  You need to be patient, work hard, and accept the memes that come ur way.

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