Photo via lookbook

Planning a party, so many choices
Just want to facilitate a good time for all of my bros
offering the best drugs and alcoholic beverages
playing the best music
and having the most appropriate party snacks available.

I don’t want people ‘making a fucking mess’ in my house
I don’t want to spend too much money
I do want ppl 2 b able to ‘grab n go’
I do want ppl 2 remember this partie 4ever.

It seems like there are so many choices in the chip aisle
No transfat, kettle chips, tortillian chips, chips made of the blue corn
Cheetos, Tostitos, Fritos, Doritos, Ruffles, Sour Cream N Onion, BBQ
Cheddar, Jallypenny, Cracked Pepper, Sea Salt, Vinegar
Brands presented 2 me by Frito Lay, Inc
and miscellaneous underground/indie chip brands
trying 2 ‘break thru’ offering a healthy alternative to mnstrm chips
(much like the indie music scene)

I want 2 pick something healthy
but I want something tasty
maybe I’m messing up
and should be in the ‘cracker’ aisle
or perhaps buying some sort of ’spread’/'dipping concoction’
offered by the local Whole Foods

I trust Frito Lay because of the years, they have done so much
to innovate the chip industry

s0 many choices
s0 many brand loyal customers
s0 many manufacturing efficiencies
s0 many low prices

Seems like i might narrow down my choices
to Fritos, Doritos, Cheetos

Worried that ppl will think I’m ‘boring’ if I choose Fritos
Worried that ppl will get ‘cheeto dust’ fingers if I choose Cheetos
Doritos seem like a ‘kewl’ option.

I think it is alternative/authentic when your brand is customizable
or if the brand offers you multiple alternatives
so that u can choose which flavor truly represents u
From what I understand ‘consumers are not searching for the perfect flavor, they are searching 4 as many options as possible.’

s0 many choices with the Dorito Brand

I really appreciate the core flavors

‘Nacho Cheesier!’ seems cheesier than just ‘Nacho Cheese’

‘Cooler Ranch!’ is also extreme bc of the exclamation point in the name. It is as exciting as a band with punctuation in their band name.

Really could go for a full meal. Possibly a steak dinner.

Might ‘cut back on the calories/fat’ and eat chicken instead.

Pizza also sounds like a good option

If I lived in India, I would probably ‘really dig’ the Curry flavored Doritos

If I lived in ______, I would really enjoy the Rock & Cream Doritos.

‘Damn.’

Not even sure who some of these are marketed 2. Seems like the Dorito CEO made a lot of these flavors ‘just for shits.’

It’s kinda kewl how their brand did ‘mashups’ kinda like Girl Talks.

I think this is another mashup for Aznz.

Think this flavour was meant 4 me since I am a ‘late nite’ bro who needs ‘drunk food’

Might fly to Asia just to try this American flavor, or possibly just go 2 Taco Bell.

It is also xtreme 2 eat Doritos because they have ‘drugs’ in them.

Wonder if I can ‘get fucked up’ by eating a couple of bags of doritos.

Seems like this flavor is made out of horses.

I’m not sure what these doritos taste like. It seems like the are breaking free from the traditional triangle Dorito shape, providing a new dipping structure.

Doritos 3Ds also ‘transcended’ the traditional form+function of Doritos.

Eager to try ‘human doritos.’

Hi. I’m the Dorito bro.

R u coming to my party?
“Friends, Food, Fun.” -the description on the facebook event page
Description: “We’re gonna eat a shit load of Doritos, drink Mountain Dew, and listen 2 bloghaus.”

Sorta wish Doritos naturally existed in nature and we got to ‘harvest’ and ‘export’ them. Feel like it would save our economy.

What’s ur fave kind of ‘potato chip’?
What is the most authentic chip/party snack?
Do u have any party planning tips?
Are Doritos the most authentic alternative brand on the planet?
Is Doritos the new Chili’s?

As yall know, I recently graduated from a state university with a degree in communications and a Public Relations minor. I applied to several large firms within my industry, but they told me I needed more work experience, and tons of human-2-human interaction. I applied for a position in the Marketing + Branding department of Chili’s, but they told me I needed to start ‘from the ground up’ within their corporate hierarchy.

I became a hostess at an upscale Chili’s brand which they are beta testing in several U.S. markets. I work at one in Phoenix (Scottsdale), Arizona. Being a hostess here is amazing…even the uniform is a little bit stylish. I have met tons of amazing people. This Chili’s is great because we don’t serve food to the poors. We are looking to be a place where business men can wine and dine their mistresses, and seem ‘rich’ while still eating variations of our original Chili’s menu.

I’ve made some of my best friends at my job, so we’re able to pre-party while we work, then go out and get mad crunk afterwards. Sometimes it sucks when men tell us that we smell like hamburger meat and fried foods, but I think after a while, they start 2 like it. Our bartender is sooo sweet, and always makes us the best fruity drink remixes.

Our signature dish

Ultimately, my job as a Chili’s hostess has been a positive experience, and I believe that I am using my degree to its full potential. I am really becoming an ambassador of the Chili’s brand. I love the girls at my job, and one of the most positive parts of our job is that we have an iMac computer to share at the hostess station. We get to huddle around, and look at facebook/myspace messages, and comment on which men look ‘hot’ and which men are ‘ugly.’ I couldn’t ask for a better group of girls–not catty like other bitches.

I am looking forward to my career. I don’t wanna make a ton of money–I just want to be happy, and that just means socializing with people who look like me, getting buzzed, hooking up, and talking about life/drama. Sorta like The Hills, except in real life, u can’t get glamorous jobs like those girls. Just have to do the best with what you’ve got, party, and travel to party spots around the world (Mexico) for ur vacay.

Previous Misogynistic Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/01/i-am-planning-a-girls-night-out-with-a-group-of-my-closest-girl-friends.html

////////////
//////Carles will attempt
////// to ‘understand’ Twilight
//////////

From what I understand, Twilight was a ‘book’, but then became ‘a movie series.’ I think most successful books are not really ‘1 book’, but a series of books. Not sure if that is because of Lord of the Rings, or Chronicles of Narnia, or for some other reason. Think that in our modern world, ppl want to ‘connect with a series.’ Don’t just want a ‘one and done’ experience. Also think that books/movies in ’series format’ are ‘more marketable.’ You can make ‘mad bank’ off a 3 part series, and keep building a franchise with what seems like ‘natural’ buzz.

Here are the book covers. The artwork ’seems very shitty’ but also like something ‘very branded.’ Like something that you see ‘every1 in ur local highschool’ reading and talking about.

N e ways… Twilight was written by some broad named Stephenie Meyer. She is apparently Mormon. She looks like this.

As you can see, she is ’sorta chubby, yet confident.’ This personal brand is critical in establishing Twilight’s ‘niche.’ Twilight is apparently about some Vampire bro, or something, and this regular girl falls in love with him. I think it is supposed to be ’somewhat sexual’, but also romantic. I think it is supposed to tap into ‘the lonely teenage girl’ demographic.’ U must understand that the story of Twilight are the dreams/subconscious desires of this ‘pleasantly plump, mildly pretty, sweet heart’ of a woman.

It’s weird to think that ‘kids/teens actually read books’ still. I feel like cliched ‘good parents’ have to encourage their kids to ‘read’ even though the modern ‘literary landscape’ is probably ‘pretty terrible.’ Don’t have ‘first hand knowledge’, but I would just imagine that every is trying to become ‘the next Harry Potter’ or something, or possibly ‘the next Devil Wears Prada.’ Seems like books are probably ‘fucking garbage’, particularly in the teen/tween market.

I’m not sure how I feel about ‘reading.’ Feel like it is something to do when you are in elementary+middle+high school, but you can build a ‘more rewarding intellectual life’ build around social media + blogs + the internet + the NYTimes. Unless you are reading ‘really good books’ that are probably from a long time ago, seems ‘not worth it’ to even bother reading ‘a NY Times best seller’ or some other gimmick book. Feel like my brain can only really handle ‘a wikipedia entry about a book’ as opposed to ‘actually reading the book.’

Just funnie to imagine a female whose parents ‘don’t let her date’ and ‘are pressuring her to go to a good, yet affordable university’ finding some sort of ‘dream world’ within these books. One where love ’seems real’, but is also ‘just 4 fun’ since it is with a Vampire bro, or something. Feel like while these parents are ‘raising a good kid’, they are also probably ‘buttering them up’ to be ‘mediocre’ and never really ‘get’ important ‘global concepts.’ Sort of like being ‘lazy parents’ when it comes to ‘letting them fit in’ but at the same time, emphasizing ‘positive stuff’ like reading, participation in ‘the arts/community/team sports’, and other ’stupid shit.’

Seems easier to raise a bro than some girl.

n e ways… think that Twilight is trying 2 tap into this ‘lonely girl’ zeitgeist. Think that lonely girls ‘chill on the internet’ but also have ‘an internet curfew.’

I guess ‘being a movie’ is helpful in creating an opportunity where ‘being a Twilight fan’ is something that girls can ‘be a part of.’ Sorta like how bros are into sports, I think girls are eager to prove that they have ’something of their own’ and often get ‘too into it’ or something.

Think it is also important that they have a ‘hot bro’ who is the main vampire. Not sure if he is ‘hot.’ Seems like a teenager who ‘just started to learn how to use a hard cock’, and has a face of ‘being over eager to stick it into some tight lil teen pussy.’

I think the lead girl in the movie, Kristen Stewart, is supposed to be ‘edgy.’ Like sorta alt, but pretty mainstream. I think that she is the embodiment of how ‘fat girls think that they look’ when they put on a ton of makeup + eye liner + have a sexie gaze into the camera.

Think that this greasy teen bro is also in it. Not sure what he does/what the story line is, but he is possibly supposed to be a heart throb.

Twilight has also ‘branded itself’ with the type of music that the band PARAMORE makes. I feel like ‘lonely girls’ think that this type of music is the only art that can express their sense of darkness+hope. The lead singer is a female, and she also ‘dyes her hair zany colors’, so I think that is something that sheltered girls do to ‘express themselves’ while still ‘promising to make all A’s in school.’

Can’t believe this book series is ‘culturally relevant.’ Think it is one of those things where it is an ‘interesting topic’ so you’ll get ‘mad hits’ if you cover it, and before you know it, every outlet ‘feels pressure’ to cover it. I’ll bet the book ‘reads really easily’ or something, so it doesn’t isolate teens who have a low reading level. Guess it is just important to ‘understand ur audience’ so that u can write words + stories that they relate 2.

Maybe everything is the same. Maybe we’re all the same.

Does n e 1 know if this book is good?
Are vampire bros capable of ‘loving’ or do they ‘just wanna fuck’?
Should I read Harry Potter?
What book represents U?
When people read a ‘popular book’ and tell u it is ‘actually really good’, do u tell them that they need to ‘grow the fuck up’?

Wonder if Twilight is the new Catcher in the Cradle (Fight Club–A Seppy Peace).

Feel like the Pitchforkmobile must be ‘the most authentic RV in the world.’ Probably listening to a very progressive/ambient playlist, trying to get a signal to tweet [via iPhone], and talking about ‘who r u pumped 2 see live.’ Possibly thinking about ‘who they feel like hyping’/'putting on their shit list.’

Feeling left out. Feel like I deserve to be in there, chilling, being myself. Going on a journey. Bonding. Connecting. Discussing. Understanding. Agreeing. Disagreeing. Broing.

HIPSTER RUNOFF PRESENTS: UNTOLD PERSONAL STORIES

When I was a younger bro, growing up, one of my bros and I made a website called www.geocities.com/PitchforkinYall. It started out as a place to post pictures of bands + my favourite song lyrics, but eventually evolved into one of the leading music criticism and news ‘webzines’ on the internet. Unfortunately, before the website rebranded itself and started making $10 million per year, I was kicked off the editorial team for being ‘too controversial’ and ‘too artsy.’ I feel somewhat responsible for the site’s success and initial direction, but have seen no compensation since they changed the password on our community hotmail account.

I’m not angry that I was kicked off team p4k, and I’m not bitter that they tried to hire me as ‘an unpaid news intern’ in mid-2008–I’m sad that I didn’t get to share special moments with my bros. I didn’t get to feel the excitement when we got our 1millionth hit, or when we got press passes to our first music festival, or when we planned our first music festival, or when we scammed our first advertiser into believing that our site was ‘actually worth’ what they paid, or even when we just got our first Am Appy ad. I don’t really care about things like money/material things, I just want to know that I am living each moment to the fullest and have food + shelter + macbook + 3G wireless network capable phone. Wish I could have been there on the journey towards the top.

Feeling sad. The bros I never had. Feeling sad. Wish I could be in that RV.

All I ever wanted 2 do
was start a website with my bros
turn it into a viable business
and build a meaningful brand

then spend the rest of our lives’
managing our brand
protecting it, strengthening it
but ultimately
protecting 1 another
and strengthening our bonds 2gether

U need 2 learn 2 appreciate ‘the journey’, no matter what life throws ur way.

worried

I recently discovered the game ROCK BAND when I was walking down the hallway of my dormitory floor. I saw a group of bros with the door open ‘having a great time’ playing original music. But then I realized they weren’t actually creating the music themselves, it was actually a ’sweet ass game’ where u pressed buttons along with a kewl guitar rock song. I tried to play it, but I wasn’t very good because I had never heard the Nickelbacks/RageAgainstheMachines b4.

Hopefully I can ‘practice more’ with this game since if I buy it, it will mean that I ‘care about music’ and ‘history’ and that I like to have fun and listen to kewl music from any generation. Definitely going to buy THE BEATLES: ROCK BAND video game.

Maybe this is why our parents loved the Beatles so much. Maybe they knew that their songs would last 4ever, eventually ending up in some ’sweet ass’ video game that ‘doesn’t promote musicianship’, ‘the spirit of music’, but primarily highlights the fact that bands are ‘brands’ which ‘create art’ that can be protected and licensed out whenever u need some more money.

Feel jealous of bands with megabrands. Feel like they just need 1.5 memorable albums, then can just ‘cash it in’ 4ever or something. Feel like it’s hard for young people to ‘authentically enjoy music’ because we enjoy aligning ourselves’ with brands and criticism more than any of the ‘more organic’ elements of music. I don’t think that is ‘a bad thing’ but feel like it turns good artists into a ‘hokey experience’ when ‘too many ppl start 2 suck their dicks.’ Like a concert will become a high priced show where people ‘act the way that they think they are supposed to act.’

I feel sad that John Lennon isn’t alive to ‘greenlight this shit.’ Feel like he had a lot of brand integrity, and would have said ‘fuck no.’

Can’t believe this is the band that our parents loved. They seem ‘really video gamey’ to me. Like a crappy band from the popular internet sensation SECOND LIFE/the Sims/World of Warcraft. Not even sure if I like the Beatles after hearing them for the first time [via this video game].

Does n e 1 know the difference between ‘Guitar Hero’ and ‘Rock Band’? They both seem 2 be branded ‘4 fucking losers.’

Do yall think that Sir Paul McCartney is ‘rolling around in his grave’?
Do u think that they will have songs from when the Beatles ‘did a lot of drugs’?
Will u get to fingerbang Yoko Ono with a drumstick/guitar fret, or something?
Will u get 2 divorce Heather Mills?
Will u get 2 fire Ringo Starr?
Is WINGS better than The Beatles?
Do u think they will ever have a bloghouse guitar hero/rockband? I feel like there is most likely to be an ‘indie’ one with a bunch of Arcade Fire / Interpol /Of Montreal type of stuff.
Do u think that these music games are ‘fucking ghey’?
Are video games the only way for musicians to make money nowadays now that no1 buys music/cds/mp3s?
Would u rather ‘jerk off’ for 3 hours than ‘get good at playing fake instruments’?
Do u wish u could have been in a good band back when memes weren’t distributed on the internet, therefore making every band-related-meme seem ‘larger than life’?

Sort of think that the sports Guitar Hero ad was better, since it featured 4 athletes who ‘I can relate 2′. All 4 bros trying to ’seem normal’, but it is ‘very impossible’ for them to do since they aren’t humans–they are megabrands.

Kobe Bryant – a guy with a contrived personality, and a hollow interior.
Michael Phelps – a bro who loves to smoke and fuck bitches with huge titties
Alex Rodriguez – a bro who wanted to ‘move to NYC’ and then took steroids to be the greatest of all time.
Tony Hawk - a cool dad who just wants to chill and extend his xtreme skateboarding brand

Just want 2 be great enough to have a brand that lasts for 20-50 years, and then have some sort of ‘blasphemous’ tribute that signifies that my brand is still identifiable/marketable even though new technologies have changed the world and the way that people consume my brand.

I want to ’sell out’ in modern ways.

Should I get a tattoo that tells the world I am human after all?

Did Electroma prove that we’re all robot after all? (h8 that m0vie)
When we are captured by the opposing army during the electrowar, will they tattoo electro bloghouse catchphrases+lyrics on us to identify who we are? Hope I can be “I fucked my American Cunt” or “Lights and Music r on my mind” or “Ready to Uff.” What do yall want 2 b?

Just wanna showcase who I am, yall.

[Photo via Whp Ths]

//just//want//some//altbro(fggt)//2//get//an//HRO//tattoo//soon//(help)

XX BONUS FUTURE OF AZN XX
In the future, will all AZNs have fade mullets? (unisex AZN theory)

[foto via Azn Dan]

Or these Daft Punk Dolls?

Or the Busy P + SoMe sneaker?

Don’t u h8 FRENCH PEOPLE BANTER in English?

Should I buy the Ed Banger ED PHONES?

Should I buy this FEADZ Mighty Kids Meal // Happy Meal?

Or should I get the Uffie McFlurry maker?

Or should I just ‘cum’ with an an androgynous McDonalds character? <3 Grimace <3

[Photo by GVB at Grimace's DJ Set @ Pitchfork Music Festival (2015)]

Or should I be Justice in a Palestinian scarf for Halloween?

[Shoes via Sean Ahern Tumblr]
[FGGT Dolls by Daily Swarm]

Or should I just buy a pack of Sharpies and huff them until my brain starts leaking out of my nose?

What are yall gonna buy?