HIPSTER RUNOFF

Another year, another crappy awards ceremonies where mainstream celebs try to throw down memes that get blogged about as indie music fans 'wish for' acceptance from mainstreamers. But this year, indie 'finally got recognized' and now every1 has mixed feelings. Seems like it is just time 2 start consuming indie + mainstream music 'side-by-side.'

2k11: The Year of the ArFi

"We did it." -the Arcade Fire

Here is the moment where Barbara Streisand announces that they won and Win is like "What the Hell?" Kinda pissed at him for thanking Canada even though he is from Houston and the Suburbs of America are what inspired him 2 write this album. Really an unchill move by him.

Also Regine babbled something in French. Sorta needs to realize how 2 respect America + the American indie dream.

"Ur telling me the ginger bro gets his own Grammy statue? I thought they got 1 and they had 2 share it."

They 'hid' Regine on drums, which was probably a good call instead of letting her sing Sprawl II and ruining any opportunities they had 2 convert new fans.

Here is the Arcade Fire performing "Month of May" as sweet ass BMX bikers ride around on stage. Wonder if this is some sort of co-branding with the X-Games or something. If the Arcade Fire hadn't won Album of the Year, this would have set indie back at least 30 years.

///just wanna ride my BMX trick bike
///out of suburbia</embed>

Really felt like at that point Arcade Fire 'wasnt gonna win shit' bc they were marginalized the a crappy BMX helmet cam gimmick, but after the win of Esperanza Spalding, u know that 'the academy' was ready to vote for alt picks.

'At least it provided a great moment for Win + Regine's relationship.'

Not sure if this is Win Butler or a member of Slipknot

...yeah... yalls sex is on fire...

Anyways, the only other indie thing 2 happen at the Grammies was the Vampire Weekends showing up and losing

And Zooey Deschanel showed up without Ben Gibbard (trouble in paradise)?

Let's move forward with mainstream celeb sightings + commentary...

SLUTWAVE COVERAGE

...because America <3s boobs, asses, nips, and vag-es....

Lady Gaga showed up in some egg

Lady Gaga rode slutwaves during some live performance of her new song. Came out of an egg.
</embed>

Here is Lady Gaga coming out of her egg.

Here she is winning an award but no1 cares abt what she is saying because we already saw what she is wearing

'We get it. Ur zany. Kewl.' [via dick tracy]

Katy Perry: I wish I arrived in an egg.

Katy Perry: I wish I had integrated an egg in2 my performance

Miley Cyrus parties with a bro who fingerbanged her later in the nite

Rihanna Riding mad slutwaves in a recycled Christmas tree dress

Rihanna trying 2 make Chris Brown jealous bc he knows Drake 'already hit that.'

Wish Xtina Aguilera 'cared abt her career' as a slutwaver and lost 20 lbs and got drrrty again instead of going for the 'BBW Aretha Franklin vibes' [via Jimmy John's late nite sub snacks]

Nicki Minaj tries 2 ride slutwaves but will nvr be as 'hot' as Rihanna / Beyonce

Oprah tries 2 rebrand as a slutwaver

Hayley Williams from Paramore dresses like a skank because she doesn't know the difference between 'pseudo-real' awards shows and the MTV family of Awards shows

TWEEN COVERAGE

...because Justin Bieber is one of the most famous ppl on the planet ever...

Here is Justin Bieber letting Will Smith's son rap on his song. Unfortunately, Jaden Smith can't rlly rap as well as his father [via Gettin Jiggy Wit It]

CONTINUE READING THE HRO GRAMMY RECAP>>>>

Arcade Fire

Buzzband

The Arcade Fire is a 2k0s indie band that went mainstream because their songs sound like meaningful anthems. They pretend to be Canadian but Win Butler (lead singer) is actually from Houston, TX.

Lists: mindie (mainstream indie), Members of the Arcade Fire, indie bands that debuted in the Billboard Top 10, Canadian

Read more>>>>

Sometimes I wonder if mainstream society 'cyberbullies me' into caring abt mainstream events. I'll be sitting alone, in my room, on my computer, connected 2 social networks and then every1 starts talking abt a relevant [TRENDING] event. Then it's like, 'I am afraid of being left out' so I'll tune in, but I'll have a detached, snarky 'take' on what I am watching, just to try to preserve my transcendent identity, then I will 'enter into the discussion' and broadcast my high level thoughts on a low-level, mainstream event. I wonder if any1 even 'enjoys' watching the Super Bowl any more. It seems like the mainstream bro version of the MTV VMAs--just an event that exists 2 generate 'something 2 talk abt'... but maybe that's life... a series of events that u get 2 talk abt with other ppl.

Did u watch the Super Bowl?
Is the Super Bowl 'hella mainstream'?
What was the most meme-able meme of the Super Bowl?
Did Christina Aguilera ruin the Super Bowl with her slutwave lips 'butchering' our great country's national anthem?

Don't really 'get' American Football. It seems like it was some sort of 'WWE wrestling event' this year because these bros won championship belts [via steroids].

Or they won the opportunity to sacrifice little pageant girls 2 the Footbal Gods

I just stayed at home instead of going to my local Chili's Grill and Bar located in the Midwestern United States.

Costco provided some great options 4 snacks + adult beverages. Here's me + my bros. We have a SICK big screen TV [via the 1990s]

FOX accidentally started showing the Big Lebowski during the game. Here is the dude with the moustache.

Not sure if people even care about the game. Feels like every1 just watches so they don't miss out on 'the most meme-worthy events.' Here is Cameron Diaz feeding Alex Rodriguez some steroids.

Photos via mocksession

'We are internet famous for being famous on the internet, and sometimes we are in movies. The internet will keep us young forever' -tweens + Ashton Kutch + Demi Mores

Don't forget abt our troops while u watch the game / read this blog / do anything 'sweet' bc ppl somewhere else are fighting 4 ur freedom.

Did yall watch the Super Bowl Half time show ft 'The Black Peys'?

Sorta wonder if the Black Eyed Peas 'ripped off' Daft Punk's 15 year old gimmick

I guess u have to put zany carvings in ur head when ur not as famous as Will.I.Am or Fergie, and ur not a weird albino dude.

'We are the world's #1 pep rally band.'

Does n e 1 know who is 'actually a Black Eyed Peas fan?'

Never really heard the Guns and Roses, but deceased lead singer Axl Rose is certainly 'rolling over in his grave.'

Celebrated the Black Eyed Peas halftime performance with a Four Loko bath

Not sure if there were even any 'meme-worthy' commercials because every1 would rather experience memes on demand [via youtube streaming] instead of having 2 watch a football game.

I guess the 'buzzworthiest commercial' was GROUPON because they 'made fun of Tibet.' It seems like the commercial provided great commentary on America's Deal Hunting and Coupon Hoarding Society, searching for savings within our own culture, as opposed to looking to save globally. However, I think mainstreamers (the ppl they are trying to get to sign up 4 deals) are probably 'pissed' at this commercial because mainstreamers want to be considered 'good people.

Do yall care abt Tibet, or just getting sweet deals in ur inbox [via Groupon]?
Does this mean I have 2 sign up for a Living Social account?
Should GROUPON offer deals in Tibet?
Is this the end of Groupon?
Would yall trade 'the death of Tibet' for eternal coupons + deals?

At least we got to see Doritos finally 'embrace their brand' and the perception of the 'borderline retarded' bros who eat their chips.

Would yall rather eat Cheeto Dust or Dorito Dust? Have yall ever licked a peen with Dorito dust on it?
I wonder if it is considered 'cheating' to 'go viral' during the Super Bowl because you are paying a fee 2 get exposure to a mainstream lamestream audience.

Feels like this post is 'really suffering' because there weren't enough blogworthy moments at the Super Bowl. They probably need a 'red carpet' so that there can be more pix of slutwave humans showing off their breasteses.

Do yall care about the game?
Did Troy Aikman really deserve 2 be the MVP?

'Sorry bro. Guess u lost ur swagger.'

R u happy that 'America's Team' won?
Should the Black Eyed Peas be executed during 1 of their shows?
Is the GROUPON CEO 'the chillest bro on the planet'?
Do yall hope that they pave over Tibet and build the Groupon HQ there?
If u were a mainstreamer, would u sign up for Groupon or LivingSocial?
What were the #1 memes of the Super Bowl?
Will Aaron Rodgers 'save' 2k11 [via TOMBOY]?
R u worried abt Tom Brady + Peyton Manning?
Did the Saint let down post-Katrina New Orleans by not winning?
Should I just get a 'tug job' [via feet] from Rex Ryan's wife?
What are the mainstream-est days of the year?
Is the Super Bowl = 'The Super Bowl of Mainstream Events for Bros, Lamestreamers, Mainstreamers, and Middle American wavers'?

PREVIOUSLY VIA LAST YEAR

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/02/is-it-alt-2-watch-the-super-bowl.html

I'm not sure what the American Music Awards is, who cares abt it, who watches it, who 'actually wants 2 win 1' and who thinks that 'winning' an AMA 'means something.' I feel like maybe MTV Awards shows are probably more relevant than 'real awards shows' because they accept the model/gimmick that they are just trying to create fake events that generate long lasting memes, but these awards shows still have to pretend that they 'mean something.'

Not sure if the old ppl pictured above are 'in charge of it' or if they are just lost parents looking for a neighboring convention center room.

Seems like the only notable meme was this 'tween oreo' picture of Jayden Smith, Justin Bieber, and Willow Smith.

Will Willow Smith be able to keep her meme going/does her song 'resonate with tweens' or does she need to ride Miley-ass slutwaves?

Feel like these days u can turn any random ass tween into a 'tween sensation.' This is Julio, a 3rd grader discovered on youtube who now has a record contract + Disney show.

'I hate my abusive stage dad.' - Julio

Probably wasn't a 'real event' if K3$ha wore a torn ass garbage bag

Keut eyebrows. Ur a fashion icon who will be remembered 4evr

Not sure if Katy Perry actually went or just sent a 'wax statue' of herself

At least she sported some camel toe 4 a meme

Taylor Swift is sort of morphing into a slutwaver in the same way that porn stars like Sasha Grey and Faye Valentine 'got hot' because they didn't have cartoon-titties but just were 'super nasty' and 'loved fucking'

Best New Bangs Award

Who invited Mandy Moore? Has she done anything relevant since "A Walk 2 Remember" / "Candy.mp3"?

'Breathe in, breathe out.' -Gavin Rossdale from the buzzband BUSH

Wonder if Gwen Stefani regrets marrying him since he was potentially 'only hot' in the 90s.

"Who the eff is Rob Thomas?" -Gavin Rossdale collabing with Santana to 'crush it' during a cover of "Smooth"

My free spirited 4th grade Spanish teacher showed up.

Apparently the Backstreet Boys and the New Kids on the Block 'merged' and they are going to start touring together even though they are all fat, old, gross, and can't sing as well.

I wonder how these bros are able to handle 'not being famous' any more. I imagine them ordering a sandwich at Subway and waiting anxiously for the sandwich artist 2 recognize them.

Here is some really embarrassing video of their live performance.
Kinda funnie 2 see people trying to get back into these brands.

Wonder if all of the non-Timberlake members of NSYNC wish JT's career was 'tanking' so that they could 'reunite'

No idea who this dude is, but looks like the guy who made my fries at Jack N the Box last nite.

No idea who this guy is, but looks like the guy I had to 'argue with' when they effed up my order at Jack N the Box last nite.

Worried that Xtina Aguliarea has been vibing at Jack N the Box a lil bit too much [via 2 for 99 cents tacos]

SEE MORE SHITTY AMA CELEBS THINKING THEY ARE FAMOUS/RELEVANT/ETERNAL -->>>>

Can't believe it has been a year since Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift and created some sweet internet memes + inspired Carles to write some over-thought puff piece abt the memefication process of humans + events [link]. Honestly can't see my life changing much for the next 20 years. Always gonna sit on a computer, will watch TV, will react to what I am seeing on TV, entertaining my audience of followers who 'value my opinion.'

Worried that time is gonna pass me by, and I won't 'grow up' and I'll just be a worthless 20something forever.

Don't want to think abt that. Just gonna watch the MTV VMAs. H8 society. Just want to consume 'pop culture' and form my unique opinion on it. Want people to know that I 'get' pop culture, and even though I consume it on a daily basis, my perspective on it transcends all.

Feel like Lady Gaga is really 'in her element' at the VMAs, since MTV will basically do whatever she wants to 'create a meme.'

Wore tons of zany meme outfits

She brought a few recently-discharged members of the American Armed Forces to 'make herself seem like a good person.'

Wonder if Katy Perry should have brought some World War 2/Vietnam veterans and/or Holocaust survivors. Think old jewish people might be a haute fashion accessory in 2k12.

Here is another bro who looks like he just won a few medals from serving in Iraq/Afghanistan

I heard that she 'scissored' with Ellen Degeneres just to get blog coverage / appeal to the gay + lesbian markets

Here is Lady Gaga 'sharing a smart snack' with rapper Drake

Drinking out of a zany starbucks cup

Wonder which of these artists is 'more innovative'? Wonder which 1 rode the slutwave harder.

Is there a time where u need to 'retire' getting whored up and wearing stupid, slutty costumes? I can't imagine being 60 years old and having to worry about 'shaving the grey hairs off my pussie region.'

Sometimes I wonder
who is Lady Gaga's target market?
Who is her core fan base?
What kind of people 'love Lady Gaga' and 'go to her shows'?
What kind of ppl are 'Lil Monsters'?

Does she transcend all demographics of American consumers?
Or is there 1 target market who she has 'totally exploited'?

Feel like there are tons of 'queer males'
Like the Lady GagAltBro.

Photos by Lastnightsparty

Maybe ur standard 'Hot Topic tweens'
And/or hot topic gays
Who are trying to be 'the next Chris Crocker
[via 'Leave Britney Alone Yall']

Mainstream girls who want 2 be 'pop stars'
girls who mimic 'the latest pop star'
whether it is Madonna, Britt Spears, or Gaga
Doing anything 2 ride the slutwave
even if it means 'putting soda cans in ur hair'

Sorta feel like maybe Lady Gaga is just 4 girls who want 2 'hit da club'
in their Forever 21 adapted wardrobe

The tween market seems to 'love pop music'
Really wish I could have been a modern tween
Might be a 'legalize gay' bro who had the opportunity to 'come out'
5 to 10 years before a Gen X gay would have felt comfy enough 2 'come out'

Might just be a tween fag hag
Wish I knew more 'open gays' as a tween so I could accept more ppl in2 my social circle.

For some reason, I feel like this human
This woman, who looks like she waited 12 hours
just to see Lady Gaga
and seems to have dragged her son
is 'the model Gaga fan'

So weathered
h8s her life
Just wants to be inspired
by a young, pseudo-glamorous performer
who can help her escape from her life

Some1 who makes her feel fabulous
Some1 who makes her feel empowered
Some1 who makes her feel like she is a part of something bigger than herself.
Some1 who makes her feel like her 'bad romance' [via abusive relationship] is 'acceptable'

Feeling sad
so many young ppl around her
wonder if she is trying 2 're-live her youth'
or if she is an 'insane super fan'
who thinks Lady Gaga says her name in songs

Feeling bummed
Like I finally discovered 'the core' of Larry Gagsmith's fan base

So raw
Like if I painted a portrait of her
I would win some sort of art contest
by capturing 'the Portrait of Middle America'

Guess pop icons are just supposed to 'give us hope'
But then u find out that the saddest people in the world
are the ones who need 'pop hope'
Poor ass ppl who still buy CDs at $9.99 at Walmart

So bummed

imagining her waiting 4 her life to get better
Waiting all day in the Chicago sun to get her 'spot' for Lady Gaga
Feeling 'alive' when her fave pop star 'took the stage'
But then going back 2 her real life

R u bummed?
Do 'fans of pop stars' bum u out?
Does Lady Gaga represent an opportunity for sad Middle Americans to construct an identity?
Is she really an 'artist' or is she just an effing slut? Really trying to figure her out.
Not sure if she is good 4 society. Feel like she helps keep people poor, uneducated & trapped in their lives'.

Is Lady Gaga 'an individual' and does she inspire 'individuality' in her fans?
Or do they find solace in a 'community identity'?
Are Lady Gaga fans the new 'effing hipsters'?
Who is the face of Lady Gaga fans?
R u a little monster [via Howie Mandel]?

Lady Gaga

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Lady Gaga is the #1 modern slutwave artist of all time who tries 2 be all 'artsy' and mainstream ppl think she is 'interesting.'

Lists: mainstreamer, slutwave

Read more>>>>

It seems like 2k10 has been all about 'Bieber fever.' Every1 knows who that lil tween bro is just because he sings makes tween girls' pussies wet and transitioned into a bloggable internet meme. Social media tweeting tweens with iTunes gift cards have kept him 'mad internet famous' and probably pretty well monetized. Feel like his career is sort of an 'inside joke' or something that no1 else really minds following. I wonder if he will 'pull a Justin Timberlake' and become a 'bad boy' who 'wants 2 fuck u' soon. I remember when Justin Timberlake shaved off his curly golden white boy fro and got a buzz + some tattoos + muscles just to let u know he was 'bad/hornie.' Bieber really needs to start 'banging bitches' if he wants to make his career last more than _ years, because the Jonas Brothers proved that the whole 'purity angle' makes you boring. All tweens eventually want to lose their virginity, whether it is in the back of a car or the back of a movie theatre. Even Miley Cyrus has decided to 'ride the slutwave' with Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Lindsay Spears.

My fave part of the music industry is 'aesthetic replication', but I think that applies to all parts of life/business. Whether it is a great business model, a totally unique artist, or 'the way a new buzzband sounds', every1 is trying to copy every1 else who has been successful before them. This inspires 'discussion' on whether or not the new product is a 'rip off', which is good for buzz. I feel like I have really been enjoying all of the slutwave artists 'getting conceptual' after Lady Gaga got conceptual + generated blog buzz.

It is exciting to see the new genre of post-Bieber-lil-bros.

I feel like this new bro "Cody Simpson" might be a new tween meme that I might ride. It will be sort of like 'finding a new indie buzzband' to talk about with all of my friends, except he is in the wigger tween genre. Really digging this song hard. Sorta wanna cruise around bikes with my bros again, and talk about our penises getting hard 4 the first time.

From what I understand, he is an Australian tween who was harvested from youtube (just like JBieb). He also has a hair swoop, but his foreign accent 'makes him dreamy.' Sort of seems like a chill California style bro, but I guess that's how most Australian bros are.

Feel like if I had a 2nd life/opportunity to pursue a new career, I would be a 'tween sensation stylist.' I would give the Jonas Bros 'lil vests' and hoodies to wigger tween rapper singers.

He seems pretty chill. Might follow him on twitter.

Wonder if u get 'unlimited blowjobs' if ur a tween sensation.

He seems 'self-aware' when talking about the Bieber Rivalry. He seems soo 'wise beyond his years.'

Do u believe in the Cody Simpson brand?
Will Cody Simpson 'become a meme' just like Justin Bieber?
Will this post just become a 'sad memorial' of a bro who tried to 'rip off' Justin Bieber to sell albums once both of these bros end up like 'the Two Coreys'?
Do u feel bad for kids' whose lives' are ruined because record industry executives 'used' them to try to sell records?
Was 'social media' built for tweens?
Will tweens ever 'go indie' or will they stay brand loyal to tweens forever?
Do u wanna chill with CodyBro?
Do u h8 Australians?

Is tween coverage 'more interesting' than boring ass buzzband coverage?
What buzzbands have ripped off other buzzbands' sounds?
If you are an indie buzzband, does it just make sense to create ur own weird sound so that no1 can directly rip it off?
Will Justin Bieber/Lady Gaga have 'long, fruitful, fulfilling careers' or are they just the 2 artists who have done the best job of 'exploiting' social media and will eventually become 'even bigger jokes than they are now'?

LeBron James celebrates his new life with Kanye West, creating a controversial meme / think piece for the internet 2 analyze.

2 ass holes
trying 2 hard
2 be 'global brands'
2 be 'universally loved'

Working out their insecurities in public forums
In surreal contexts
One bro 'makes kewl sounds and raps over them
The other bro puts bouncey balls into hoops

As a society
we have told them that they are valuable because of their gifts
and they are both trying to 'make us happy'
Since they believe the fruits of their labors will help them to
inspire us to buy shit with their names on it.

Both mix art, sport, and commerce
trying to build a brand to 'sell shit'
Jerseys, albums, shoes, art
Trying to transcend demographics
Black, white, Chinese, Indian
Poor, Rich, Russian Billionaires, kids who can't afford shoes
tons of middle class white kids

Feel like we've been 'betrayed'
These bros are just so unchill
They are all about 'me'
But they are sort of like 'Me 1.0'
Me 2.0 exists on the internet
in the twitter/facebook status update era

Me 1.0 bros are just baffling
because they lack 'the self-awareness'
/are 'too insecure' to just chill out
Not make everything s000 contrived

Me 2.0 bros react fast on the twitter
It's not even that difficult to be Me 2.0
Me 2.0 bros 'get it' in a mainstream way
and are quick to share their snarky observations with the world

Me 2.0 bros really 'get off' to exposing Me 1.0 bros.

R u Me 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, 4.0, 5.0 or ____.0?

Feel like Kanye West and LeBron James don't really want people to h8 them
The bros are motivated to 'be loved'
to 'get their dicks sucked'
both physically and metaphorically

Think they might just need 'friends'
a solid network of bros who aren't lost in their inane talents
A network of bros who won't bang their moms [via Delonte West]
Some1 to help them understand who they are
sort of like a life coach

Might just vibe out,
listen to some vintage ironic non-ironic positive vibe rap
Brought to us by the ultimate African American personal brand
Will Smith

Will Smith was truly the first African American
that young white people 'let into their homes'
(Most were too young to really bro down with Bill Cosby, except 2 eat Pudding Pops)
(And Steve Urkel wasn't really kewl enough/was just a gimmick)

So we have learned to love Will Smith
He has become an even more likable black version of Tom Cruise
So positive that it is difficult 2 believe
He even created a mini version of himself [via the Black Karate Kid]

N e ways
just wanted to say
LeBron and Kanye are ass holes
Don't really wanna get too insightful
or even 'give them advice'
because I think I enjoy watching them 'do dumb shit'
and create bloggable internet memes

But I feel like they have emerged as a 'new version of a black stereotype'
Maybe a Super-Sized Racial Stereotype that is only achievable in the modern world / internet era.
More than just an 'Uncle Tom' who wants to bro down with white people
or the 'sambo' who loves to perform for white people
or even the 'gorilla' who is commonly associated as some sort of 'beast' / 'bad guy' / 'violent, uncontrollable black man'

A new stereotype seems to have emerged,
and LeBron + Kanye are the 'poster boys'
of this African American Human Meme Stereotype

Feel 'racist' for suggesting this
But here is the criteria
a) Considered 'great' at their profession in a superficial kind of way
b) High level of fame across races
c) Trying super hard to 'expand their personal brands'/make every1 love them
d) Clearly never going to be as 'great' as others in their profession
e) Does shit that 'makes them h8ed' on the reg
f) They have evolved past the 'thug' stereotype and are more interested in appealing to white people with $$$ to buy stuff
g) Get tons of blog coverage
h) Ultimately symbolize some sort of 'tragic figure' still searching for an identity in an absurd, post-racial world.

Feel confused and scared for them
Like 'they can't win'
But they are trying really hard 2 'win'
Not even sure what they do

Heads up their own asses
Becomes 'fun to h8 them'
Cuz every day I browse the internet
for people/memes to <3
and people/memes 2 h8

Seems chill to be able to 'hate' these bros so hard
I feel 'more interesting' when I can react to negative vibes
instead of just trying to spread positive vibes all the time.
As chill as chillwaves can be
sometimes u gotta get harsh on some bros to have a 'dynamic personality'

Welcome 2 Miami
Bienvenidos a Miami.

Who is a bigger ass hole: LeBron James or Kanye West?
Which bro is more self-aware?
Do they represent a complex new stereotype / genre of 'famous African American bro' that the world has never seen before?
Who got 'fucked over' more: Taylor Swift or Cleveland?
Is LeBron James an ass hole 4 taking this picture?

Have you ever been 2 college? What was your college brand all about? Were you the ultimate college bro?

Sometimes I wonder if certain subcultures / genres of humans are a danger / threat 2 society. Like there is something ugly brewing inside of them, and eventually they will 'break free' and cause some sort of huge danger to other humans. At the very least, there will be tons of property damage, kinda like black people and the Los Angeles riots.

Going away to college seems like the ultimate opportunity to become a bro. Being away from parents. Eating at all-you-can-eat buffet style cafeterias. Getting 'shit faced' and experimenting with drugs. Living in a small room with some one who you love and hate at the same time. Having ultimate broments where you are 'nailing' a 'chick', and your bro is pleasuring himself from his bunk bed beneath you.

Being a college bro means 'fitting in' with a network of like-minded bros. But do you really get the love and affection that you need to remain happy? Does moving away from the parents you hate really 'free' you, or are you more 'trapped' than ever, forced to justify your life decisions? Does college prepare u for the real world, or does it cause people to slide into a surreal life where they stay in college for 6-10 years since they don't want to deal with society? Does it cause 20 year olds to go into too much debt since they are trying to 'perpetuate' a lifestyle for way 2 long.

Sort of just wish I could go to college, and have some sort of college bro convention. We would talk about modern issues that are relevant to the modern college bro, then have a 'sick rager' with tons of red cups. It would be kind of like a music festival held at an on-campus apartment complex.

Eventually, things would get out of hand, and we would throw all of our Scarface posters, campus-issued furnitures, and Dell Desktop computers into a massive bonfire. It would be sort of like a modern 'Animal House' except with more social commentary.

Eventually, I would emerge as the Lord of the Bros, giving a passionate speech while my skin roasted in the flames. College isn't about grades. It isn't about acquiring technical skills for a future job. It's about making meaningful connections with a series of bros. I didn't pay for a degree. I paid for an experience.

College Bros from all over the country would hear my voice, and use my advice to build a better network of college bros. We would be more than just bros getting drunk, sexting broads, and jerking off to internet porn. We would be a unified movement. We would start a facebook group, and our wall would be very active.

Even non-bros would be inspired, and work with us. They will stand up and declare, "Fuck society. This is our time. College can last forever if we want it to."

Eventually, the riot squad will be summoned, and society will try to 'hold us down.' The will be threatened by the College Bro utopia that we want to build.

Some of the bros will run and hide, scared that their parents will 'cut them off' if they go to jail. Some of us will fight. Some of us will fall. Taken down in a sea of red cups and crushed Keystone Light cans.

This bro is me. I have a dream. I had a dream. One day, America will remember me because the US Government will give every1 the 'day off' to celebrate me + my message of college bro equality.

I will beg and plead with them, yelling, 'Cmon bro' or even 'Not cool bro.' They simply don't understand me.

I am not looking for a girlfriend, but I want a girl who will fight for me. A girl who will 'please me in bed' but also 'stand up for me' in my time of need. Every college bro needs a fiery college skank who will drunkenly get arrested defending him.

We will go to jail. We will pay fines. It will be difficult for us to find jobs after college. But College Bro Day was worth it. Our cause. Our iconic images will live forever.

Are college bros a threat to society?
Is there some sort of untamed spirit inside of them that will lead to property damage?
Are college bros depressed on the inside?
Did you go to college and mature, or did you experience a version of the world that misrepresented post-college life, leaving u paralyzed an unable to assimilate into the real world?
Are college bros 'homosexually repressed', therefore 'violent'?
Did u live in a dorm or off campus?
Should America try to prevent the broification of college campuses, or is the process of broing down natural?
Have u ever been to a college party that 'got out of control'?
Did ur life fall apart in college?
Did u meet the best bros of ur life in college?
Should the US Government create more programs to prevent the broification of the American College & University System?

Rage, Rage
Against the Dying
of the bro

I just read a blog post photogallery about the 'Most Marketable' Olympians of the Vancouver Olympics. It sorta made me think about how 'important' / 'relevant' / 'irrelevant' the Olympics are. From what I understand, the Olympics have merged into a month long branding experiment. Sorta like an infomercial for a city / country / sport / human / athlete / brand. The Olympic games can provide enough memes to hold the world over for 1 month every year. Fortunately/unfortunately, the internet gives zany sports the opportunity to 'grow', kinda like the curling effect. In the modern world, humans like to talk abt the TV that they are watching while they are chillin on their laptops [via twitter].

Wonder who were the most important Winter Olympic athletes. If I had a Fortune 500 company, would I hire a Winter Olympic athlete who competes every 4 years to 'represent' my brand. Not sure if the Winter Olympics are genuinely inspiring to people. Michael Phelps was a chill summer olympian, but he is known more for being a Tiger Woods-type bro who just loves to do mad drugs and bang strippers + escorts. I would probably just hire an NBA or NFL player if I had a brand that needed an athlete ambassador, but if I lived in some sort of place like Asia or Europe, I might try to 'cut a small deal' with an Olympic athlete who balled over all.

Are winter Olympic athletes marketable?

Charlie White & Meryl Davis, USA ice dancing couple

From what I understand, it will always be 'funny' to make fun of 'flamers prancing around on ice.' Just another fascinating sport where we always struggle to understand how ppl devote their lives' to something so 'absurd.'  Ice Dancing is apparently even 'gheyer' than figure skating, since they just dance, and don't do extreme jumps where accidents can happen.

Shani Davis, USA speedskater

This bro is apparently one of the best at his sport of all time, but he is 'too humble' to brand himself like Usain Bolt and Michael Johnson as 'the fastest man in the world.' It seems sad. Sort of want a flamboyant African American diva bro 'pissing off' all of the other irrelevant countries who actually 'care' about the sport. Hopefully the USA starts more innercity speed skating programs.

Cheryl Bernard, Canada (curling)

Curling is apparently the second most popular sport in Canada behind hockey. This female broad has been branded as the 'cougar' of the sport, since she is mad hot + looks like she is down 2 fuck after baking you and your bros some rice krispie treats. I am not sure if curling is an 'alt' sport, or if it more like an SNL digital short starting Andy Samberg--something 'funny' that mainstreamers can rally around.

Mirai Nagasu, USA

From what I understand, America doesn't have any talented female figure skaters right now, but sponsors will probably invest in this girl for the next Olympics. I think it helps that she is AZN because they are more dedicate to 'training', but she probably won't be able to handle 'flopping' if she chokes.   I wonder if Dominque Moceanu is the 'gold standard' of lolita female American Olympians.

Joannie Rochette, Canada

I think she had a good Olympics for her long term brand because her mom died, and it made her personal story 400% more compelling. Even though she lost her mom, u can't help but think that her mom is smiling down from heaven, watching her daughter get 'mad endorsement deals.'

Torah Bright, Australia, halfpipe

She apparently chills in the halfpipe [via Shaun White snowboarder]. She is from Australia, and I am not sure if it snows there, so her story might not be very believable.  I think Australia just doesn't have very much going on, so they need as many celebs as possible to inspire their nation to believe that they will 'make it' off the island.  I feel like the Sydney Olympics was the #1 moment in the history of their country, at least from a branding perspective.

Mao Asada, Japan

She is a figure skater in Japan, and I think this confirms the theory that AZNs are really intrigued by figure skaters and cats. It seems like the ultimate tween sensation in an AZN country would probably be an ice skater who sings jap pop and also has an anime cartoon show.  I think that most famous Japanese people get endorsement deals for point and shoot cameras.

Lee Jung-Su, South Korea

One of the most interesting things about the Olympics is when you find out that a country 'cares too much' about a sport that isn't real/doesn't matter. The South Koreans apparently consider speed skating to be their 'national past time.' They h8 the American Apolo Anton Ohno, since he is apparently a cheater who pushes people over in order to win medals. Hopefully North Korea starts a speed skating team so that we can see some 'real drama' go down.

Bode Miller, USA

Bode Miller was marketed by Nike as a skier who 'doesn't care about competition.' He tried to brand himself as the chill bro of professional athletes, then chilled too hard and had a terrible Olympics, making him less marketable. Apparently skiing is 'big in Europe' so he makes 'mad bank' with European brands in the Euro circuit, but we only care about him in America if he wins medals.

Yesterday was a popular awards show called 'The Grammys.' From what I understand, this awards system is supposed to 'award' the best music of the year. It seems like it is some sort of 'system to perpetuate the popularity + album sales of the same artists/labels/bands/etc.'

As I have read alternative coverage of the Grammys/all mainstream award shows, it seems like these are the 'prevalent themes.'
Indie music 'has arrived.'
The Grammys aren't 'honoring' the 'best' indie music
Indie music has been 'stolen' from 'us' and
__________ (mnstrm artist) sux
The Grammys are 'irrelevant bullshit'

Phoenix won 'Best Alternative Music Album.' Not sure what that award title means/who was in the category. I feel like maybe the French bros in Phoenix didn't realize that Americans 'get dressed up' for our awards shows. Maybe they thought it was an MTV/Nickelodeon kidz award show.

Kings of Leon won 3 Grammys for their hit song "Use Somebody", confirming that it is the vulnerable mnstrm anthem of the year/decade/century. I think they are in the genre of rock, since their award titles were 'Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group', 'Best Rock Song' and the prestigious 'Record Of The Year'.

MGMT also went to the Grammys, but they were sort of just 'nominated' and probably just looked like a 'zany one hit wonder band' to mainstreamers.

I think they also gave Stephen Colbert a Grammy just to 'get more hits/coverage.'

Here is more coverage of 'mainstream pop culture' at the Grammys.

I think this is the broad from the popular MTV show 'Jersey Shore.' I am not sure if she won a Grammy, or if she is just there for being Macrofamous.

This is apparently her live-in boyfriend, The Situation. Wonder if that show was a 'mainstream hit' or just another 'micro-sensation' like The Office.

The middle Jonas brother tries 2 'look alt' by growing strategic facial scruff + putting on sillie framed glasses.

Apparently the post-tween Jonas Brother married a guidette after the 'Jersey Shore' wave of 2k9k10. Seems ill-advised, like the same as 'marrying a pog/beanie babie/digipet.'

Popular American Idol homosexual sensation Adam Lambert.

Unpopular American Idol nonsensation Justin Guarini.

I think this crazy African American man was there because he was created as an 'off beat' character by the popular Fox TV show American Idol. Sort of like the 'Negro William Hung.'

I think the Black Eyed Peas are the last remaining soldiers in the Electro War. Like a lost group of fighters who no1 told that the war is over, but they are still on the Battlefield.

Apparently Lady Gaga had some performance with Sir Elton John.

It seems like you 'have to invite her' to any award show for the next 50 years, just to see her wear something zany.

Wonder how she transports her costumes. Suitcases? Rubermaid containers?

Popular Bro Comedy superstars from the Andy Samberg Lonely Island Viral Video Productions Centre.

I think Taylor Swift still thinks that 'awards are real.' She seems proud. As time moves forward, more people will 'sympathize' with Kanye West, sort of like the Kobe Vs. Shaq feud.

I think the Grammys is an opportunity for Cool Dads to bond with their kids.

Or for Cool Dads to just have a 'bros night out.'

Does n e 1 know if Musicians get Dental Insurance, or do they just cover their teeth with blingee jewels?

CONTINUE READING>>>>

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>

MGMT

Buzzband

Lists: Members of MGMT, indie bands that debuted in the Billboard Top 10, 2k10 buzzbands

Read more>>>>

Kings of Leon

Buzzband

Lists:

Read more>>>>

Phoenix

Buzzband

Phoenix is a French pop band that has been around for a decade but went rlly mainstream after their album "Wolfgang Amadeus" was s0 p0ppy that no1 could h8 it.

Lists: mindie (mainstream indie), French, 2k9 buzzbands

Read more>>>>

I was looking at pictures of Miley Cyrus' lil sister, and she looked familiar. She seemed to have an alternative vibe that I look for when I am searching for 'prey' at a relevant concert or meaningful dive bar. Sort of turned on by her entry-level vibe. But if you look closely into her face, she also looks sort of like a 27 year old altbaguette who stopped eating and sort of degenerated into a rich tween looking human--the MaryKateAshOlsen Vibe.

It is always helpful to have parents who cultivate and encourage your alternative spirit. Doin stuff like buying you iPods, trendy clothes, and vlogging equipment.  Wonder if I would have been more alt if I had grown up with a dad with a soul patch.

But at the same time, parents shouldn't let you become one of those kids who had sex for the first time when they were 6 years old [via hearing that people had sex before their sexual organs could even 'cum'].  Worried abt the lil slut/cunt personal brand.

I just feel really scared of tweens. This decade we will see them grow up, and Gen Y might lose their tastemaking role in the cultural economy.  Not sure if trends will still 'start with us' in 2k16.  What if we lose control of 'authenticity'?  What if Pitchfork has to fire their whole staff?

Sorta wish I could build an Avatar, and live in the body of a tween. I would become a tween sensation, and try to inspire the consumer trust of tween audiences.

I would try to sabotage their civilization after learning about their culture from the inside. It would be an experience that would require the best of me. But I might get in trouble if I fall in love with the tween spirit, and accidentally become physically intimate with another tween, since we would both be 'legal.'

After falling in love with the tween race, I would opt to become one of them. I would live within their culture, and finally feel free. Feel young again. Feel in control. Feel like I still had the opportunity to be 'alternative' to something.

//////searching 4 something beyond 'alt.' Maybe I'll just get married or something and create kids of my own. Maybe that's the only battle I can fight.

If u could be an avatar of anything/any1, what would u be?
a) an alt celeb
b) a pitchfork staff member
c) a twitter celeb with over 1,000,000 followers
d) a rich, yet unfamous person
e) an NBA/NFL player
f) Zach Braff in Garden State
g) a pornographic actor/actress who takes/gives tons of penises
h) a blog
i) a tween
j) a sext message
k) a formative altceleb in a buzzband that is 'tearing it up'
l) an old person
m) the CEO of facebook.com
n) the CEO of friendster.com
o) the CEO of HRO
p) the CFO of Citibank
q) Michael Jordan
r) Tiger Woods
s) Steven Jobs
t) the internet
u) Choose.Your.Own.Response

I have always been a huge fan of the human brand known as Tiger Woods. Before Tiger Woods, I didn't even know that golf was a sport worth watching, but then TigBro came along, and taught us what it meant to be a champion. We were compelled by this Dark Knight [via Heath] transcending the game. He established himself as a global/personal brand.

This post is brought 2 u by Buick.

Tiger Woods 'crushed' all of his white competitors on the PGA tour, much like most African Americans do in all other sports. Whether is is Michael Jordan, Bo Jackson, Usain Bolt, Pele, LeBron James, or Hammering Hank Aaron, it is important to note that athletes with African descent have a higher athletic ceiling. Even though I have done no genetic research, I feel like this is a fair assumption. (I feel like most white talking head sports writers will say that they 'got athletic training during the slave era', but I am not going to make that argument.) From what I understand, many of the white athletes who have historical relevancy (like Babe Ruth) were able to dominate all-white leagues, back before professional sports were de-segregated.

The truth is that White Men Can't Jump, at least not as high as Africans/African Americans. White consumers enjoy watching African Americans dominate white people on the playing field--probably some sort of manifestation of 'white guilt.'

Golf seems to be a sport for rich, white people. Older people who can't really expend energy doing cardiovascular exercise, so they opt for a game where you can drive around in a car, drink alcoholic beverages, and spend all day with your bros. Sorta like a 'rich man's bowling.' I am not sure how long a game of golf even lasts, so it seems like a good excuse you could use to leave your wife's presence for 8-14 hours. I feel proud of Tiger for being able endear himself to this demographic of men. These men are the most lucrative consumer demographic, with way more money to blow than 'Gen Y' and 'tweens.' Even though those groups are good at 'adopting trends', they are usually limited by their parent's mediocre income. GolfPlayingBros drop mad bank on goods+services.

I think sports that require tons of 'gear' tend to deter African Americans from playing them. The barriers to entry are too high for innercity kids who will use their natural athletic gifts & status frustration to launch them into multimillion dollar pro sports careers. For example, in sports like golf and baseball, you have clubs, helmets, bats, specific shoes, and a specialized facility that. Sports like basketball and soccer are better for poor people, since you just need a ball, and facilities are more flexible.

This post is brought 2 u by Gillette: The best a man can get.

This is why we love Tiger Woods. He is an African-American+miscellaneous other races, without all of the baggage of traditional coloured athletes. He didn't come from 'the streets', he is more of a suburbia bro whose dad glued a golf club to his hand when he was 3 years old. All grown men wish they had dads who did more to train them to become a professional athlete--the most fulfilling profession for a man, since you excel financially, physically, and you reap the rewards of fame. Tiger Woods is a truly great bro, excelling at a level that normal societal spectators can only watch. All we can do is purchase products that were endorsed by great people to feel close them [via Lance Armstrong LIVESTRONG bracelet theory].

This post is brought 2 u by Nike's 'I Am Tiger Woods' campaign, promoting Tiger Woods+Golf 2 kids

But I feel kinda bad now that he cheated on his wife with tons of whores. I feel like this white world that he conquered has turned his back on him. No longer is he a white person with black skin who white people are comfortable letting into their metaphorical club house. He is now 'just another black person', doing 'stuff that black ppl do.' From what I understand, most professional athletes frequent strip clubs and cheat on their wives'. Some even fight dogs and murder people. Seems like we are jealous of Tiger's 'bad ass life.'

This post is brought 2 u by EA Sports: It's in the Game.

I feel bad when society turns their back on a black athlete. It seems like we enable their dream worlds, and are generally comfortable ones where they can 'do whatever the fuck they want, as long as they promise to perform when it counts.' But maybe that's the downside of Tiger's evolution into a human brand. Instead of seeing him as 'just another black athlete', we see him as a representative of corporate america, some1 who we expect to 'have values' or something. Seems unreasonable, sorta like the idea of 'marriage.'

Tiger seems like a 'pimp bawla', some1 who wants 2 win at everything. Whether it is a game of golf, or a game of 'banging the hottest skanks on the planet, having the most insane fuckfests in the world fucked up on drugs and alcohol', we shouldn't hold that against Tiger. He is Tiger Woods. He is a champion. He is also dealing with 'entering his middle ages', so it seems reasonable that he should have 1 last series of 'sexual conquests' before he enters his twilight. It seems like men can focus on being 'good fathers' when they are between 45-Death.

If I were a skank, I would love the opportunity to 'get hammered' by Tiger Woods.

Like you could really 'get banged' by a true champion, instead of the same loser bro who thinks he is 'fucking rich/hot/special,' and that he is the one doing you a favor by giving u the opportunity to sleep with him.

Wonder if Tiger's Wife, Elin, misled him. Maybe she used to be 'down2fuck', but then ended up being this 'woman who just wanted to export children from her vagina.'

Even thought marriage is a 'lifelong vow', I feel like this vow doesn't always apply to people who experience levels of joy that are way better than 'finding solace in a relationship.' I feel like relationships are used to combat feelings of solitude, or like people who are 'afraid to die alone.' Tiger is not afraid of these feelings--he has conquered them. He lives life at a high level, choosing to do what he wants. He is not a 'lost soul' or a 'fallen star', Tiger Woods knew what he was doing, and the 'media controversy' was worth it to him. It seems like the most difficult part of this whole ordeal is probably telling his wife that she was never really that important to him, he just wanted to 'win' her. Not sure if I would care if a black man cheated on a black woman. Seems like it is 'wrong' for a black man to betray the honor of a white woman.

This post is brought 2 u by Accenture Consulting Services.

Tiger Woods may or may not be able to 'love' other people. Tiger Woods loves himself at a championship level, something most humans will never be able to do. We are too busy with insecurities, doubting ourselves, never reaching our full potential. We end up sitting on the couch, masturbating to pornography, while Tiger Woods is out there banging porn stars. Women with huge, fake tits, bouncing in his face like a champion. Pulling out, giving them a load of semen on their face that only a true champion could deliver.

This post is brought 2 u by Tag Heuer: Do yall know what time it is?

It is unfair for the white world to turn their back on Tiger. Tons of people cheat on their wives' every day with women who they don't love, but love to have sex with. I feel like they have used this incident to act like cheating is 'something that black people do because they are subhuman, closer to animals.' It is unfair for them to do this to Tiger after everything he has represented to them. I feel like men need to 'rally around' Tiger, letting him know that we support him as a bro, and just want him to be happy and do bad ass things, in and out of the bedroom/golf course.

What will be the most difficult issue 4 Tiger Woods' kids to deal with as they grow up?

a) being a 'mixed-race' kid
b) dealing with their father's 'man-skank' personal brand
c) they will have no problems, since they are rich.

I wonder if black people 'relate to' Tiger Woods. It seems like they would like to relate to him, since he is great, but he plays a game that they don't think is 'cool'/important 2 them. Wonder if the African American community would rally around him, or do they only rally around white-ish black people like Barry Obama, since he was going to be put into a position of 'mad crazy power.' Feel like if white people turn their back on Tiger, he will truly be left in a colourless purgatory.

This post is brought 2 u by Cadillac

I feel sad that Tiger 'took a break from the game.' I feel like he should have announced his 'retirement' to make the whole world value him more/understand how important he is. It would also make his wife feel guilty/special that he gave up his God-given gift 'for her', even though it was just a hiatus. She probably took for granted the fact that he 'made mad bank'--maybe he deserved to have a lil bit of fun [via 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas']. She wasn't prepared to be in a relationship with a winner. Kinda like how Michael Jordan can't enjoy life/simple pleasures since he was once 'the greatest in the world.'

Tiger Woods will come back, and he will be 'great.' We will 'forget' about his 'transgressions', just as long as he wins some tourneys, makes companies some bank, and then hugs his wife and cries. Then he can divorce her 6-18 months afterwards, and live the life he wants to live, banging as many 'freaky ass bitches' as possible. We want Tiger to live the life that he wants to live. He can produce great moments 4 us. He can be a solid brand ambassador for us.

Let's just let Tiger be Tiger. We could learn a lot from him.

Tiger Woods is a champion. Tiger Woods is a winner. Tiger Woods is black/AZN/pacific islander.

I am Tiger Woods. (Rlly wish I could be Tiger Woods).

'Get in the hole.'
-a bro

Previous Black Athlete Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/09/MICHAEL-VICK-KILLS-DOGS.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/09/LEBRON-JAMES.html

I read that the popular sitcom character Marge Simpson is going to be on the cover of popular 'nudie' magazine Playboy. I think it is apparently a 'big deal' since so many people have watched the Simpsons for the past 100 years. Tons of cultural philosophers say that since her head is in the shape of a peen (a phallic symbol), she sorta represents all guys being a lil bit ghey.

I searched the internet for nude pictures of the Simpsons, and happened to find a 'shit load' of cartoon porn. Like graphic pictures of tons of characters doing 'the kraziest shit possible' to one another. It seems to indicate that there is already a niche of fans who are interested in seeing the Simpsons nude/performing sex acts, and they have probably already had their fill of Simpsons hardcore.

not an authentic hro advertisement

I don't think the magazine will show nudity, so I think a lot of people should just do a 'google image search' if they really want to get off 2 Simpsons porn. This is apparently how the porn industry works these days. It's a lot like the music industry--people want the best, most extreme porn/music 4 free.

Playboy appears to be utilizing this Simpsons gimmick just 2 try to sell magazines to 'people who usually aren't interested in Playboy' since showing C-list celebrity breasts no longer makes the Playboy Brand a valuable asset/resource to our society. From what I understand, men used to use Playboys to 'tug off' before the internet existed. I am excited about Playboy 'going under' within the next few years, but they might be able to extend their shelf-life if they get characters from Family Guys/South Park/Hannah Montana to show off their knockers.

Magazine companies seem like they are just trying to get people to buy them by posting pix of allegedly relevant people. Now that Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize, people are finally saying he 'hasn't done shit.'

Don't think Miley knows 'a damn thing' abt LIFE (not the magazine, but actual 'life').

Rolling Stone must have needed to 'sell tons of magazines' to tweens when they decided to ruin their brand.

What do tween broads know about Health? They probs don't even know what 'mammygrams' are.

Magazines seem like they 'try too hard' to generate discussion. Like they are trying to get 'stupid groups of people' to talk about their magazine content.

I am not sure if magazine covers are supposed to 'state the obvious.' I don't think that they can 'break news' as fast as the internet, but I think people still value them as some sort of 'pulse'

Not sure what this metaphor is supposed to mean.

'Jesus Christ.'

It seems easier/cheaper/'greener' to be a blog, since ur not wasting tons of paper. I feel happy to reach my readers through some wires and satellites and Macbooks. The internet has really 'changed the entire media landscape', whether ur looking 4 a 'good read' or if you need to 'get off' to some internet pornography.

As a society, we must 'take the final step' in eliminating magazines by disregarding them as unique content providers. We can't hold on to the significance of their brand just because they 'have been around forever.' Internet blogs must 'rejoice' whenever a magazine folds. We must blog/tweet to one another about how 'we' toppled another competitor by bringing tons more consumable content to our dedicated tribes of followers.

Will u 'tug off' to Marge Simpson?
What's the 'kraziest shit' u've ever tugged off to?
Are magazines better than blogs?
Are the Simpsons 'authentic' or 'just another krappie tv show'?
Are cartoons for people who 'live in a fucking dreamworld' (no matter how trendy & progressive they are)?

Previous Simpsons coverage
Aligning Ur Personal Brand with The Simpsons

Photo via BallDon'tLie

It's kinda weird how we're all 'witnesses' 2 marketing, and we are impacted by the stuff that is around us. I noticed this bro from Cleveland Ohio who had actually 'converted his garage' into some sort of tribute to his favourite African American athlete in the world, an NBA basketball player named LeBron James who plays in the same city. It seemed weird 2 me, mainly because sports don't really mean anything, and I thought every1 realized that sports is just some sort of intense marketing + branding experiment for males.

Sorta wonder 'why' this bro felt moved to convince his parents to let him turn their garage + old ppl convertible into a LeBron James Tribute Zone. I understand 'being a fan' since I am theoretically a 'fan' of a bunch of indie bands, but I feel like this would be the equivalent of painting ur car to match the Merriweather Post Pavvy cover. It seems 'extreme', like instead of living ur life, you are getting too emotionally attached to the characters + brands that 'sports' create.

I am not sure why LeBron James would 'inspire him' to architecturally alter his property. From what I understand, LeBron James thinks that he is a 'chosen one' when it comes to life. Maybe he 'convinced every1 in Cleveland' that he is some sort of God. (seems like a tattoo that only 'an ass hole' would get/only 1-4 people in the world are 'actually qualified to receive').

I am not sure if this tattoo means that he thinks he is 'better than every1 else at everything' or just at basketball. From what I understand, LBron has not won an NBA Championship and Michael Jordan won 6 of them. Kinda feel like that makes Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrong's brands 'legit', since they 'won stuff.' Seems like Nike possibly 'jumped the gun' on branding LeBron James, or perhaps he is the only athlete 'simple enough' to go along with an 'over-the-top' campaign in our modern world where people feel 'shitty' after seeing some1 rub their greatness in ur face.

I feel like the entity 'LeBron James' is some sort of propaganda to save the psyche of people who live in Ohio. From what I understand, living in Ohio is 'a very depressing experience', since u are 'trapped in ur life. I feel like Nike probably recognized the opportunity to 'trick the people of Ohio' into thinking that their life would be improved if LeBron James won more basketball games.

This billboard seems 'insane.' I feel like I would understand why some1 had a 'warped sense of self/the world' if they 'green lit' this sort of billboard.

Nike understood that it was important to reach the white t(w)een bros, and lure them with the 'opportunity to co-brand with 'greatness.'

I am an advocate of children participating in sports/following a favourite team for a 'sense of belonging.' It seems way more healthy than letting your tween 'get into the Disney brand'/Jonas Brothers/Twilight books/etc. The spirit of 'sports' seems positive 'on the field', but I am scared of 'how warped shit can get' when it comes to uppermiddle class male teen bros who 'think that they are the shit.'

Worried that these types of bros are the ones who 'actually fall for sports marketing campaigns.'

Nike even paid Warren Buffet to be a 'witness' to this marketing scheme.

Seems like important African American artists who white ppl think are 'kewl' even participated in this whole 'witness' marketing gimmick. [via Kanye Meme]

Damn. Worried about athletes/rappers/African Americans/Nike and how they brand 'greatness.' I feel like the 'zeitgeist of greatness' is something that white males are pretty into, but I am not sure if it is a healthy concept to explore before a male is truly mature enough to understand his place in the world.

TeenBros who believe that they are 'great' pride themselves' in having the latest expensive shoes.
TeenBros who believe that they are 'great' are never 'team players.'
TeenBros who believe that they are 'great' often have bad fathers who are not grounded in reality.
TeenBros who believe that they are 'great' often reach their physical peak during their sophomore year in high school, then go to a subpar university in order to 'continue playing their fave sport' and major in some field that they honestly believe will 'enable them to stay close to the game that they love', including 'sports medicine', 'sports business' and 'sports marketing.'
If my son is a sports bro, I will monitor the influence of marketing on his psyche. Mainstream Teens are impressionable too.

I don't want my son to evolve into a TeenBro who thinks he is 'great.' I just want him to be happy 4 the right reasons, even if that means he 'plays in the High School Jazz Band'/a local ska band (maybe not).

Should I convince my parents to convert my garage into a tribute 2 ______________?

This post is intended to appeal to the sportsbro and post-teensportsbro demographic.

Last Sunday night, I was browsing the internet, and all of a sudden, everything came to a halt. It was as if one moment 'made the world stop.' This single moment demanded the instantaneous attention of the every human being in the Westernized world. After experiencing this moment, every human 'came up with an opinion' on the event, and felt obliged to share this opinion with the world [via life stream/social network/ real life interaction]. It was truly one of the greatest live moments in the history of the world because 2009 has given us the proper tools to instantaneously reflect on a moment in a group setting. It was as if 'social media' finally had a reason for existing (besides helping 2 elect the black President).

Apparently the famous African American rapper 'Kanye West' interrupted some little white girl (Taylor Swift) when she won a prize at a fake awards show which celebrates mainstream music videos (hosted by the Music Television Channel ). From what I understand, the concept/goal of an Awards Show hosted by a television networks is to 'create content', where 'something that gets the whole world talking' can happen since you are bringing together some of the world's most famous/volatile people. Viewers tune in, expecting to 'see the unexpected' and sometime the network manages to 'create' bloggable/reflectable moments. Ultimately, the brand of the tv network becomes 'more relevant' based upon how much content they can produce.

From what I have read, Kanye West walked on stage to interrupt her acceptance speech, making it clear that Beyonce Knowles had one of the best music videos in the history of art + video + media.  It seemed like she reacted as most white women react when a black man approaches them, since she metaphorically 'clenched on to her purse tighter than ever before' [via black man passing u on the streets].

I disagree with Kanye West's message (but wholeheartedly approve of his actions)--Beyonce's video is nothing special. It seems like it is just African American women showing off their figures and 'getting they dance on' for the world. I am bad at 'valuing dance' as a legitimate artform because I feel like if I wanted to 'see dance', I would go to a 'titty bar' to see some 'live, nude breasts shaking' and bodies contorting in a sexual fashion, directly simulating the act of sex. The video seems like it was just a marketing gimmick, attempting to create a 'dance craze' and also possibly some sort of feminist propaganda anthem, which accidentally reinforced the concept of 'marriage' as a gateway to a perfect life.

Since Kanye West is a 'cool black person', Taylor Swift probably thought he was going to do something to make her 'seem cooler', but then he 'took a shit' on her perceived sense of self within the entertainment industry.

It seems like 'American citizens' are 'deeply disturbed' by Kanye West's actions, and can take one of the following viewpoints on his behavior:

• He was right, but u have 2 pretend it is real cuz she's a white lil girl who is taking showbiz seriously. U have no right to ruin this 4 her.
• Kanye West is a bully.
• Kanye West is 'a fucking retard'/'jack ass.'
• Kanye West is African American/slur word for African-American which would inherently explain his actions.
• 'Aww... Poor thing.'
• 'Team Taylor! Let's boycott buying the records of black ppl.'
• 'I think I will vlog about this to get youtube hits.'
• Taylor Swift 'deserved her moment.'  She did not need 2 have her reality harassed by this "negroid."
• I am 'above' reacting to this event.
• I 'understand' what Kanye West has gone through in life, but I am a human, so I will still 'hold him accountable' 4 being a 'meanie head.'
• Taylor Swift represents everything that is wrong with show business and the arts. We must respect Kanye West and his neverending quest to express his true self to the real world. He is genuinely trying to transcend fame, pop culture, and the arts. No one will ever understand him. He is truly the most artistic person in the world, and when he goes on tour with Lady Gaga, we will finally experience art that is on the same level as the greats like Andy Warhol, Michael Jackson, and Michael Jordan.

I do not believe that Taylor Swift 'deserved to have her moment.' It doesn't matter how young she is, and we do not need to enable her sick perspective on the world. While she has a sweet exterior, possibly 'more talent' than the traditional Disney-mafia star, and an ability to 'handle' everything 'with grace', we have to understand that we are harming these manufactured pop stars by continuing to let them exist. Many of them will have identity crises where they turn to substance abuse + sexual experimentation when their whole world comes crashing down around them.

When I look into their eyes, I srsly feel like there is 'evil' inside of these people.

It seems like it is beneficial for these Disney stars to 'believe in the Lord', because believing that a higher power 'gifted  them' with this 'opportunity' to touch the lives' of millions of tweens [via the power of music] would be the only way for some one to take their absurd job so seriously. It seems important to remember that these tween stars are possibly 'mentally ill' in ways that make them highly functional within the entertainment world.  I feel like I will finally 'like' the Jonas Brothers when they have a reality show when they are in their mid-30s, similar to Corey Feldman and Corey Haim's show "The Two Coreys", a show about two child stars who still have a very stupid perspective on the world (and are recovering addicts).

I was alarmed when Beyonce bypassed her own acceptance speech and 'called Taylor back on stage' so that she could 'complete her speech', and Taylor Swift failed to realize that it 'was still a fake award' + failed to realize that 'she was just involved in a meme that could have been taken to the next level by indirectly calling Kanye West the n-word.'  Instead, she 'carried on' with her generic speech/theme [via thank yall], as if 'everything was made right' and 'honor' was restored to the Awards show/the Entertainment hierarchy.  It honestly seems like there is 'something mentally wrong with her' to 'fail to recognize the magnitude of the moment she is in.'  I do not like this moment, because people in the 'Entertainment World' actually think they are 'real people' with 'real feelings' in this clip.

My fave part of this video is at 1:29 when Perez Hilton 'puts his hand over his heart, as if he is watching 'a truly meaningful moment.'

While many people believe that Kanye didn't deserve to 'ruin her moment', they are neglecting to remember how much they 'h88888 pop culture' and how it's 'suuuch a guilty please to consume gossip blogs and the E! network.'  Do u remember when it was trendy/insightful to have a cutting edge opinion on 'what a terrible person Paris Hilton is' and link it to 'the deterioration of the moral fabric of our society'? It seems like this Kanyegate 3.0 moment will always be remembered as when tweens learned that it was 'okay' to treat celebrity entertainment like it was 'real news' instead of gradually learning sports+entertainment are more fun to consume than 'important news' over the course of their lives'.

It seems like if ppl really wanted to 'stop caring about the practice of turning the actions of rich+famous people into coverable news', they would have embraced Kanye 'taking a shit on this white girl.'

If I had black skin, I would be insanely ashamed of Beyonce Knowles for 'giving Taylor Swift' her spotlight. The truth is, if you want to sell albums in the modern world, you must appeal to the white tween. All apologies issued in thie 'controversy' are meant to appease the white tween. You cannot cross the white tweens (note: minority tweens enjoy pretending to be white, as well). If you 'piss them off', they will not buy your mp3 on iTunes, or use their Best Buy gift certificate to purchase your album. They will not go to your concert. They will tweet about you, but it will not be positive. It seems like some1 should create an acronym with the same dark connotations that "W.A.S.P" has, except for White.Tweens.

As a society, we must come together and root for Kanye West to continue to create content & headlines. While he is genuinely pursuing greatness, his narcissistic qualities will surely lead to his premature death. This is more than about needing 'good guys' and 'bad guys' to create conflict and news. We need a stream of content that we can continually reflect upon. This is why we miss Michael Jackson so much, we had the opportunity to have fun watching him fall apart together. It was legitimately a bullying process that rallied all humans together. It didn't matter how smart or how dumb u were, there was something inherently funny about making fun of Michael Jackson's racial, sexual, and social identity. A type of humor that transcended educational levels and class divisions.

If you analyze Taylor Swift's 'award winning video,' you will realize that it is a 'fucking sham.' I think the gimmick/theme of the song, is supposed to be some sort of plea to a boy to like her because she has a beautiful+interesting+creative soul instead of the generic 'hot ass cheerleader type.'

It seems like this video is supposed to appeal to 'tweens who feel left out'/like they don't 'fit in.' It is a song about sexual desire and obsession over one perfect boy, declaring that he 'belongs to you.' You are entitled to him. Feel good about who you are, because if he really got 2 know u, he would love u 4 all of the right reasons. Concepts like these lead to teenage obesity since kids are told that some1 will like them for 'what's inside.' They neglect to take care of their health, and eventually become mopey college students who sit around in a 'dreamworld' waiting on their modern Prince Charmbro.

I prefer Beyonce's  artsy booty video to Taylor Swift's high school puff piece.

Do u sometimes like 2 get drunk just 2 'see what happens'? [via alcoholism]

We must applaud Kanye for silencing the sweet,  yet poisonous essence of Taylor Swift.
Kanye West is a simple, raw human being. When it comes to 'love and relationships', he is not interested in creating some sort of meaningful quirky bullshit. He is a man who wants ass and titties. He is an honest man.

We must accept Kanye West as the true heir to the King of Pop--not because of his talent or his artistic interpretation of the world, but because of his ability to create content. He can rapidly produce albums as well as public incidents that are indicative of a deeply troubled human being. He transcends 'right and wrong' because he truly 'acts from the heart/soul' in a world where most people are too smart/deliberate/PR-managed to act upon their emotions. We must encourage him, embrace him, watch him accomplish great things, but most importantly, watch him truly start to 'panic' when he reaches his middle ages and the fear of mortality will drive him to seek more attention than ever.

Realistically, Kanye West seems to be the next 'big celebrity' who might die 'prematurely' in some sort of tragic/misunderstood event. As a society, we must rise up to create+seize the opportunity to experience the deaths of numerous famous people. We are 'regular people' but when some1 'famous dies', regular people finally get a chance to publicly reflect about the gift of life.

We have learned in 2009, that there is no greater news story to react to than the death of some1. Many of these death victims are not even very 'relevant' to Generation Y. But the process of digital mourning is too 'fun' to let some1 die without talking about them. When some1 'famous' dies, u get to share the meme with your friends, and ponder the person's realistic effect/impact on your life. It seems to be fun when you 'don't give a shit' that some1 famous died, but it is also 'equally enthralling' to experience the death of some1 who 'was a big part of celebrity culture' (thereby directly impacting ur life).

A lot of people say that twitter is a 'useless and boring display of humanity.' These people don't understand the true value of twitter--twitter is an instant window into the lives' of people. A chance to track the distractions that are filling up people's lives', momentarily taking over their brains. An impact significant enough to process a lil thought/meme about it. Whether it is a human, a product, a political scandal, a television show, a movie, or a celeb death, the twitter's portal into a generalized human psyche is priceless.

We must embrace the power of this tool. We must embrace all tools that allow us to reflect/share/digitally mourn.

We are growing up, learning how to use social networks to experience life together. We are learning how to mourn, celebrate, and crucify miscellaneous celebrities. We are learning that death memes are the memes that unite us. The internet/internet meme is a coping mechanism/opportunity. While events happen in 'reality' our opportunity to reflect upon them in a 'sillie lil online world' helps us to cope with how deeply rattled we are by the underlying themes of highly bloggable events.

When you say 'I don't give a shit' about this KanyeVs.TaylorSwift meme, it's like you're turning your back on humanity. You fail to realize that these are the only moments that we can all share together. These are the moments where you feel comfortable with the 'whole world' reacting. Even though it is a 'sillie lil award show', maybe everything in life is 'silly.' Maybe it's 'silly' that we elect a President of the USA every 4 years. Maybe it's sillie that we use 'money' 2 make our economy work. Maybe it's 'sillie' that we live life.

But u need 2 embrace this silliness with all of the ppl around u. We have been given the ability to analyze and interpret the world around us, and many social barriers are created by the content which you can analyze+interpret. When megamoments happen, you let your guard down, and find a lil bit of solace in knowing that 'every1 knows about this.' Sometimes you'll get mad if some1 has a dumb opinion, or if some1 uneducated tries to 'act like the have an authoritative perspective on real life.' You need to stop being so angry/exclusive with your thoughts, and surrender them to the collective consciousness which exists on the internet. Your thought/opinion is more valuable as part of a whole which can be analyzed as 'raw data.'

Sometimes, I wish the internet/twitter/meme distribution systems were more developed when Justin Timberlake ripped off Janet Jackson's breast-cover.

Sorta wish I had seen OJ Simpson as a trending topic during his car chase/trial.

We just want to share life with the people around us.
We just want to laugh at humor that every1 'gets.'
We just want the whole world to unite, kinda like how Michael Jackson used to help us unite around content, before the internet enabled every1 to go into their little niche. It seems like the internet has finally 'helped us 2 connect' with every1.

We just want to send a funnie picture 2 a friend.

We need to know that the leader of our country has the same values as us.

We need to use memes to 'cope.' We need the internet.  We need to share ourselves and the world that we see.

We must design more memes.

Make them laugh. Make them remember their youth.

Make them laugh. Tie in a meme with another meme.

Appeal to all  humor levels, letting the meme move upmarket and downmarket.

We must always take the opportunity to objectify women.

Strive for the most absurd meme possible.

The vast collection of Kanye Interruption Memes will live forever.  They are modern cave paintings, capturing the way we communicate and tell stories.

Should Kanye 'be sorry'?  Did he dishonor himself, his brand, and the perceived 'love' that he had for his mother?  Did he take his brand to another level?  Is Kanye West depressed?  Will Kanye West 'kill himself' after his 5th South Park appearance?  Will Taylor Swift become a lesbian/star of a celeb reality show?  R u worried about tweens/the world, or are you starting to embrace the world as it is?

Kanye West has nothing to be sorry for. He did the right thing for himself. He did the right thing for the betterment of America. He did the unintentionally did the right thing for the advancement of 'the arts.'

Kanye West made me realize why life is worth living. My life is 'better' when I have better content 2 share with u.

How long am I going 2 have 2 wait for another socially transcendent moment?

Kanye West

Buzzband, Alternative Celebrity

Kanye West is the famous mainstream rapper who controversially got a 10.0 from Pitchfork.

Lists: received above a 9 from Pitchfork, received a 10 from Pitchfork, rappers, designer, critical darlings, blipsters, annoying ppl, African Americans

Read more>>>>

I just watched this sweet new song by the buzz band 3BRO!3, and it made me feel something that I haven't felt in a long time--it made me feel alive... like some1 truly understands me.

It was as if some1 captured all of my social insecurities and sexual angst, and put them all in a song in a very digestible format [via the power of music]. I felt like there were other people on this planet who looked like me (I look like a bro who didn't go to college, but moved into an apartment complex and threw some sick parties any ways.) It gave me a little hope that maybe 1 day, me and my best bro can move to California, transition into AltBro (California Style) make some cute lil songs, and then appeal to an emerging market of 'lost tweens.'

Really want 2 'move 2 cali' and convert to a 'california style bro.' It seems like they can just 'be stupid consumers' without having to worry abt 'seeming like the are intellectuals.' Sorta wish I could still dress/look like the 3Oh!3 bros. Wish that Tony Hawk was listed as one of my role models on facebooks.

Sorta wonder what is the 'connection' between mainstream and alt that seems to be s00 marketable these days. Maybe alternative ppl just are more in touch with their insecurities.

I feel confused by 3Bro!3. I am not sure if they are supposed to appeal to teen girls, tweens, altbros, or the homosexuals.

Seems like if I lived in Cali, life would be simple. Like I wouldn't have to worry about being 'alt', and I would just think I am 'normal' but I would actually just be a consumerAlt who shops at Hot Topic, Am Appy, and Urby Outfitties without really even 'thinking about it.' Feel sad that I'm not a CaliAlt.

Has n e 1 been to California? Is it true what they say abt it?
Do u 'get' 3bro!3? Do u think they will make Pitchfork's best mp3s of the decade list?

I saw this picture of the Lady Gaga, and it sort of made me confused, but then it 'made me hornie.' I think that she is probably trying to make an artistic metaphor about fashion or something, but she is also branding herself as a girl who is probably 'down 4 anything.'

Sometimes I think about my sexual desires, and my physical requirements in a sexual partner, and they scare me. Feel like I want to do 'the craziest shit possible', but then wonder if I would be able to 'stay aroused' if the moment actually came 2 me. Like if you had a 'series of prostitutes tied up and blind folded' in a 'seedy motel room', would u be able to 'perform' sexually? Would you really be able to do something violent/degrading/oppressive to some1? Or do u think u would crumble underneath the pressure and deviance of ur Xtreme Sexual Fantasy?

Isn't it weird when u know a girl who has 'a rape fantasy'? Do u think it would be sweet to be 'mad rich' then buy a bunch of 'cheap minority prostitutes' in the bulk [via Costco], or would u be scared of dying in some sort of sketchy situation and ur parents finding out abt the 'real u'?

Sorta wish my blog was a 'mainstream' celebritie gossip blog. I feel like I could 'draw cum on pplz faces' and write 'zany captions' on them. Feel sort of 'trapped' in an alternative niche, when I might be more comfortable blogging about John Mayer, Jessica Alba, and the cast of Twilight/Entourbroge.

What r ur sexual fantasies?
If u had a blog what would it be like/what would it 'cover'?
'How far' would u go 2 cum?
Is Lady Gaga 'performance art'?

Previous 'gaga' coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/05/hipster-runoffs-burning-questions-is-lady-gaga-fucking-retarded-srsly-is-there-something-mentally-wrong-with-lady-gaga.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/06/feel-devastated-that-lady-gaga-was-unmasked.html

It's kinda weird when some thing becomes a 'phenomenon' and u don't even really 'realize it', kinda like how all of a sudden the Kings of Leon were the new Nickelback. Then u sort of have to 'do a lot of googling' to figure out how/why something became 'culturally relevant' within mainstream tween consumer society. Kinda like High School Musical/Jonas Brothers/SpongeBob Square Pants/Pogs/TickleMeElmo, etc. It's just like 'damn... who are the people consuming this stuff?' Feel most alive when I am trying to understand 'WHY' something is popular.

////////////
//////Carles will attempt
////// to 'understand' Twilight
//////////

From what I understand, Twilight was a 'book', but then became 'a movie series.' I think most successful books are not really '1 book', but a series of books. Not sure if that is because of Lord of the Rings, or Chronicles of Narnia, or for some other reason. Think that in our modern world, ppl want to 'connect with a series.' Don't just want a 'one and done' experience. Also think that books/movies in 'series format' are 'more marketable.' You can make 'mad bank' off a 3 part series, and keep building a franchise with what seems like 'natural' buzz.

Here are the book covers. The artwork 'seems very shitty' but also like something 'very branded.' Like something that you see 'every1 in ur local highschool' reading and talking about.

N e ways... Twilight was written by some broad named Stephenie Meyer. She is apparently Mormon. She looks like this.

As you can see, she is 'sorta chubby, yet confident.' This personal brand is critical in establishing Twilight's 'niche.' Twilight is apparently about some Vampire bro, or something, and this regular girl falls in love with him. I think it is supposed to be 'somewhat sexual', but also romantic. I think it is supposed to tap into 'the lonely teenage girl' demographic.' U must understand that the story of Twilight are the dreams/subconscious desires of this 'pleasantly plump, mildly pretty, sweet heart' of a woman.

It's weird to think that 'kids/teens actually read books' still. I feel like cliched 'good parents' have to encourage their kids to 'read' even though the modern 'literary landscape' is probably 'pretty terrible.' Don't have 'first hand knowledge', but I would just imagine that every is trying to become 'the next Harry Potter' or something, or possibly 'the next Devil Wears Prada.' Seems like books are probably 'fucking garbage', particularly in the teen/tween market.

I'm not sure how I feel about 'reading.' Feel like it is something to do when you are in elementary+middle+high school, but you can build a 'more rewarding intellectual life' build around social media + blogs + the internet + the NYTimes. Unless you are reading 'really good books' that are probably from a long time ago, seems 'not worth it' to even bother reading 'a NY Times best seller' or some other gimmick book. Feel like my brain can only really handle 'a wikipedia entry about a book' as opposed to 'actually reading the book.'

Just funnie to imagine a female whose parents 'don't let her date' and 'are pressuring her to go to a good, yet affordable university' finding some sort of 'dream world' within these books. One where love 'seems real', but is also 'just 4 fun' since it is with a Vampire bro, or something. Feel like while these parents are 'raising a good kid', they are also probably 'buttering them up' to be 'mediocre' and never really 'get' important 'global concepts.' Sort of like being 'lazy parents' when it comes to 'letting them fit in' but at the same time, emphasizing 'positive stuff' like reading, participation in 'the arts/community/team sports', and other 'stupid shit.'

Seems easier to raise a bro than some girl.

n e ways... think that Twilight is trying 2 tap into this 'lonely girl' zeitgeist. Think that lonely girls 'chill on the internet' but also have 'an internet curfew.'

I guess 'being a movie' is helpful in creating an opportunity where 'being a Twilight fan' is something that girls can 'be a part of.' Sorta like how bros are into sports, I think girls are eager to prove that they have 'something of their own' and often get 'too into it' or something.

Think it is also important that they have a 'hot bro' who is the main vampire. Not sure if he is 'hot.' Seems like a teenager who 'just started to learn how to use a hard cock', and has a face of 'being over eager to stick it into some tight lil teen pussy.'

I think the lead girl in the movie, Kristen Stewart, is supposed to be 'edgy.' Like sorta alt, but pretty mainstream. I think that she is the embodiment of how 'fat girls think that they look' when they put on a ton of makeup + eye liner + have a sexie gaze into the camera.

Think that this greasy teen bro is also in it. Not sure what he does/what the story line is, but he is possibly supposed to be a heart throb.

Twilight has also 'branded itself' with the type of music that the band PARAMORE makes. I feel like 'lonely girls' think that this type of music is the only art that can express their sense of darkness+hope. The lead singer is a female, and she also 'dyes her hair zany colors', so I think that is something that sheltered girls do to 'express themselves' while still 'promising to make all A's in school.'

Can't believe this book series is 'culturally relevant.' Think it is one of those things where it is an 'interesting topic' so you'll get 'mad hits' if you cover it, and before you know it, every outlet 'feels pressure' to cover it. I'll bet the book 'reads really easily' or something, so it doesn't isolate teens who have a low reading level. Guess it is just important to 'understand ur audience' so that u can write words + stories that they relate 2.

Maybe everything is the same. Maybe we're all the same.

Does n e 1 know if this book is good?
Are vampire bros capable of 'loving' or do they 'just wanna fuck'?
Should I read Harry Potter?
What book represents U?
When people read a 'popular book' and tell u it is 'actually really good', do u tell them that they need to 'grow the fuck up'?

Wonder if Twilight is the new Catcher in the Cradle (Fight Club--A Seppy Peace).

Photo by the cobrasnake

Yall probably remember my American Idol liveblog, where I watched AmIddy for the first time. There was a character on the show named Adam Lambert who 'seemed kinda ghey' but no1 was really sure. There were moments during the season where he did 'really gay stuff' but no1 was allowed to say he was gay or else he wouldn't get a record contract and Middle Americans/Christians are the only ppl who 'buy CDs'/'songs off iTunes' today. Not sure if Adam Lambert is 'a huge coward' for not 'coming out.' Maybe he didn't see the movie MILK so he doesn't understand what homosexuals have gone through. I feel like young people take 'the gift of homosexuality' for granted, and don't realize that we basically live in utopia.

Anyways, he 'apparently came out' and is now 'officially ghey.' Not sure if the bro in the picture is his 'lover' or if it is just a big fan of Am Idol. Can't believe his BF is 'an altbro.'

Do yall think that mainstream celebs should be forced to tell the world their sexualities? Or only the ghey ones? I wish that there was some sort of celebrity trading card where u could get the stats on a famous person. Or maybe homosexuals could wear some sort of 'scarlet letter' like eye liner, or bootcut jeans, or some other trend that u see in ur local homosexual circuit. Feel like they 'wouldn't mind.'

I am not sure if 'being ghey' is something that ur born with, or if it is a choice u make, or if it is 'bad parenting.' Probably 'a lil bit of everything.' I have heard that there is a problem in high schools where teenagers are 'being gay' just to rebel against their parents. Even though the kidz aren't 'actually gay' they see 'being a homosexual' as 'being an individual.' Tweens apparently see 'being gay' as some sort of decision that means ur 'more committed to ur individuality' than 'just wearing a Fall Out Boy t-shirt.' Feel weird that tweens who are 'not actually ghey' might be performing some 'very intense sexual acts.' Worried.

Wish either 'every1 was ghey' or 'every1 was straight' and we didn't have to deal with these issues. It makes more sense for ppl to all be 'straight' so that the 'human race' can 'live on.' Might start experimenting though.

Do yall know any1 who is a homosexual? What are they like? Are they 'just like us' or do you have to 'treat them differently'? Share your stories in the comments.

I feel excited, because 2 of my favourite things are joining forces to make the best movie of all time: Wes Anderson and NBA basketball. This is a picture from the set in a scene where he is feeling aloof, and goes to an NBA game and 'feels nothing.' Apparently, Bill Murray stars as a down-on-his-luck bro who just got divorced from Margot Tenenbaum, and gets back from sea. He wants to rebuild his life, and get a decent paycheck playing in the NBA.

Eventually, Bill Murray must go through a series of whimsical conversations to get himself a tryout. He eventually makes the team, but then finds out that black men h8 old white men. He goes through adversity, gets dunked on by LeBron James, and eventually becomes a contributor and vocal team leader from the bench on a championship team. He also reunites with his estranged son.

I feel excited about this movie. I think it will help to 'humanize' our perception of professional athletes, instead of thinking of them as lucky/blessed / relevant / important 2 society / ass holes / spoiled / new money bros who buy tyte cars / etc.

Think that the tentative title of the film is HE GOT BBALL DIARIES.

EXCLUSIVE SHOTS FROM THE MOVIE
Bill sad after he doesn't make the team the first time

LeBron James dunks over Bill Murray in the all star game

Bill trying to be more into black culture and killing cops with a bro

Bill hanging out with team mascot

Bill banging a skank on the road... the perks of being an NBA player

Bill joins the army when the league shuts down 'for the war.'

Bill contemplating retirement after he blows out his knee

Bill inspires teammates

Bill's Dad is finally proud of him for making it/being rich & famous

Bill Murray after he gets an endorsement deal

Is n e 1 else pumped abt this movie?
Looove Bill Murray. Sometimes I feel like he plays the same 'disconnected' character in every movie...but maybe that's a good thing. I have only seen his post-Rushmore stuff, so I don't even know if he is like a 'comedian.' I can't believe he was on SNL once... do yall think he made 'digital shorts' like that Jewish guy on SNL now?

Bill Murray

Actor, Alternative Celebrity

Bill Murray is the frontman of the hit chillwave project Chill Murray.

Lists: beards, indie film, Wes Anderson Mafia, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>

In an effort to be mainstream, Carles decided 2 watch the popular television show 'The American Idols', and then blog about it.

8:00- Opening credits... fucking pumped.
8:02- omg. love this show. head gonna explode. wonder who will win this season.
8:05- yay. love Ryan Seacret. Think he might be 'ghey' though

8:06 - wonder if Ry Seacry had plastic surgery. Miss 'metrosexuals.' :::GAYDAR ALERT:::!!!
8:10- OMG! love this season's cast! I can relate to a few of them s00 much! 1 is from my hometown and went to a high school close to mine!

8:11 - Commercial.... i mean cmon America... do we really need Tacos for 99 cents? LOL!!

8:14 - ugh. finally. New guy is singing. Think his name is Justin Guarini. He is singing a jazzy version of Maroon 5. He might be 'ghey', but also might just be 'pumped to be famous for a month.'
8:16 - Simon is s0 mean!

8:17 - Love Paula!

8:18 - Some tween came up and sang Vanessa Carlton's "1000 Miles." Song always reminds me of the summer we went away 2 college, and I stayed in a long distance relaish.

8:19 - Commercial. OMG. Saw the scariest Volkswagen commercial. Need 2 get 1.
8:22 - Neil Diamond is the best! Great singer and great teacher! inspired.

8:23 - haha. Simon and Ryan goin at it. Those guys have great chemistry. Love their fashion.
8:25 - Just showed some rejects! some faggot dumb asian was such a fucking idiot! hahahaha! this guy sucks.... but he has a good heart... loves him

8:27 - OMG. Black woman got all mad! She seems like a real cunt! But I agree with the judges... all black people think that they are gifted at either music or sports... wish some1 would give them a reality check...

8:30 - Commercial. Yawn. Dorito break!
8:31 - Havin a craving... time to mash some peanut M&M's into some Ben And Jerry's... ugh... snacking will be the death of me... and my waistline! but 1 'junkfood day' per week won't be too bad.
8:34 - Finally...show back on...
8:34 - is it just me, or has Paula had some work done?

8:35 - Fat black guy singing. Think America gets behind fat ppl because they feel bad that they are gonna die so soon of Diabetes (aka The Sugar).
8:37 - Some twink is singing. Don't think America will vote for his 'fggt ass.' especially cuz only 'dumb people' watch tv, and they are conservativez.

8:38 - some other gay guy is singing.... yawn... wish they could sexually screen these people. Need 2 write it into Prop 8....

8:41 - so gaytastic!!! transitioning into some bro who is trying to sound like Nickelback, I think.

8:43 - some old dad is singing. Time to get a 100 calorie pack! hehe
8:44 - taking the dog out to poop and pee
8:45 - have to take a shit
8:46 - Commercial. Ugh!!!!!! tired of seeing the same insurance commercial over and over!
8:50 - Hefty black girl singing. Think she might win so they can market her as 'the next Aretha Franklin.' Not sure if Beyonce will be willing 2 put on enough pounds to 'fill that niche.'

8:51 - Random thought... Would Jessica Simpson/Ashlee Simpson's career be better if they 'won' Ammy Idol?

8:53 - Kelly Clarkson singing 'Since U Been Gone.' she has 'star' written all over her....
8:55 - Commercial. UGH!!! laptop running out of battery. Gonna make some popcorn for the announcement of the winner.... simon's so mean! will dump Whoppers and Milk Duds into the popcorn to get some salty sweetness goin' on...
8:56 - Nervous for all of the contestants.
8:57- OMG...just eliminated my favourite contestant.... feel sad 4 them. Sad that they go back home to their small town and will become alcoholics/ substance abusers.
8:58 - Time for the winner.........after this commercial... UGH
8:59 - Calling in 1 last time to make sure my fave contestant wins. Gonna call from both my home phone and cell phone. hehe.
8:59 - OMG... here it comes...
8:59 - Ryan has envelope... opens it.
9:00 - THEY DID IT! They won... Think he/she is gonna be around this music industry or a long, long time.

9:00 - A Star Was Born
9:02 - Put in Freschetta pizza. Takes 25 minutes until crust golden brown. hungry

9:24 - Take out pizza from oven with oven mitt
9:25 - Burned the roof of my mouth with hot cheese...Shoulda let it cool off.
9:26 - Open up a 3 liter of root beer and pour it into a big cup
9:30 - put it on some soft porn while eating. Feel my penis get 36% erect
9:34 - finish entire pizza by myself 960 calories... ugh...
9:35 - penis fully erect, rubbing erect shaft with greasy palms. Lubricated. precum
9:39 - rubbing, waiting for a good sex scene to come up
9:43 - get restless, use my laptop to surf for a good porn scene
9:44 - rub butter on to my penis head and rub until is is 'incredibly sensitive.'
9:58 - after waiting for a good scene, finally settle on one that is 'kinda fucked up' but also 'very real.' has a good cum shot
10:03 - about to cum
10:05 - make myself ejaculate at the same time that the porno guy cums on her face
10:06 - take dish to the sink. pile with rest of dishes.
10:08 - have really bad gas. Keep farting.
10:10 - farted and a runny log of shit accidentally came out. go to restroom to take off shit-stained underwear and drop log into the toilet
10:14 - spend 5 minutes looking at myself in the body. Holding my rolls of fat

10:45 - feeling worthless and disgusting
10:50 - write down a workout regiment for the next week...seriously cutting out bad foods.
10:52 - jerk myself off. cum, but it is clear and trickles out.
10:54 - examine myself for cancer
10:55 - worried i have cancer
11:04 - google 'cancer symptoms' and convince myself I have cancer
11:06 - eat a Hot Pocket

11:10 - get angry at myself. cut myself. long gash down my abdomen.
11:11 - bleeding into sink. getting light headed
11:14 - throw up hot pocket. Feel better
11:15 - call 3 friends. no one picks up
11:16 - call my dad to freak him out. Needing attention. haven't talked to him in 5 years.
11:20 - tell him that I am going to 'fucking kill myself.'
11:30 - crying on the bathroom floor. puddle of blood. Drinking a beer mixed with Nyquil and other downers
11:31 - get rifle out from underneath my bed
11:33 - sobbing uncontrollably. shit. Put rifle into my mouth
11:34 - think to myself 'seriously? Is this what I fucking want to do? Do you fucking know what you are doing? You can't fucking do anything right. Fuck. You are too pussy. You can't do anything right.'
11:36 - Check email one last time. Search twitter for something that would inspire me
11:38 - write a series of cryptic emails, facebook wall posts, myspace comments and tweets to people who I know well, and also to people who I don't know.
11:39 - make an iTunes playlist with a mix of Linkin Park, Needle in the Hay, and "adam's song" for people to find playing when they discover me. Also carve 'please tell mom this is not her fault' on my tummy with a steak knife.
11:40 - Check Perez Hilton for his reaction 2 2nite's AI... feel the same way as him.
11:40 - Blow my brains out. Last words were 'Goodnight moon.'


This has been a liveblog by Carles of the popular weblog HIPSTERRUNOFF.com. For more American Idol coverage, please visit hipsterrunoff.com/AmmyIdol.

Please comment with who u think will win next season.
What else should I liveblog, yall? Think it is 'fun' and makes me feel knnected 2 the rst of America. Do yall like 2 sit on ur lappy and watch TV, and talk about what is happening on the TV while ur connected 2 ppl on the internet?

I read on wikipedia that Michael Jackson was 'the coolest guy ever' before he turned into a plastic man/went krazie/loved kidz 2 much. From what I understand, every1 wanted 2 be him, and he started a lot of trends without even knowing it. He invented aesthetics that he didn't even know were so popular.

I've read in some pop culture gossip magazines that Kanye is trying 2 'be the Michael Jackson of this generation.' Not sure if he can do it, cuz things are s000 different now. There wasn't really any sort of intranet/internet for things to go viral on, and 'design' was so different back then. We all just had such different expectations of cutting edge culture, and we weren't as reflective. MJ was 'a genius' back then, but kinda wish he was in his prime now so that our 'society' could basically 'execute him' [via pressure that he couldn't handle/grasp/cope with].

I feel like inside of Kanye and MJ are people who are 'kinda the same' but there's probably 1 core difference that I'm trying 2 identify. Do yall know what it is?

Loading...
When u think about it, I think 'being cool' is just trying 2 b a tastemaker for people who still 'honor the concept of 'cool'.' (this means u r trying to be a white tween tastemaker).

Do yall think that if BLIPSTERDOM existed when MJ was an adolescent, he would have found a personal brand that would have prevented him from being a weirdo child preddy? Is Kanye West 'a ghey' or just 'too cultured' for other rappers to 'get'?

Yall.. I didn't watch the Grammys cuz I'd rather just read reactions to it on the internet, then pretend that I watched it/was there/I am connected to the modern world. Seemed like a real celebration of things that are kinda mainstream but letting more alt artists in2 the show. Some of my favourite bands like MIA, Radiohead, and the Jonas Bros were on display. Maybe next year I'll be invited?

Question 1) When an alt artist wins a grammy, I feel
a) validated
b) like I accomplished something
c) a lil bit sad that I am losing a part of me
d) pissed off about my fave band selling out
e) just wanna 'get buzzed' and dance to bloghaus + ironic pop

Question 2) M.I.A. is

a) just a meme
b) pregant
c) should have stayed home
d) trying too hard 2 reach out 2 mainstream audiences
e) just taking care of herself/her career

Question 3: Deadmau5 will be remembered as

a) a zany masked DJ
b) just some weirdo at the Grammys
c) "what is that bro doing at our show?" -Taylor Swift
d) being responsible for bringing 'masked djs' to the mainstream
e) just a meme on the day after award shows

Question 4: This is a picture of

a) the coldplays
b) a band that steals songs
c) the writers of the rock album + song of the year
d) bros who need to retire their gimmick
e) Cool dads searching for meaning

Question 5: These bros are chilling at

a) the Grammys
b) A Cool Dad convention
c) A Kidz Health convention
d) A McDonalds playgrond
e) A liberal arts professor conference

Question 6: When I see this single, I think it is

a) Just another bloghouse mp3
b) just another crappy mp3 posted by a lame entrylevel blog on the hypemachine looking to get hits
c) worth a Grammy
d) the best Remix of all time
e) other

Question 7: Kanye West won a grammy for

a) Best frollet
b) Best blogger of the year
c) Worst black person of the year in America
d) JackOfAllTrades/Renaissance Man of the year
e) Best guy who sounds like a robot on his albums

Question 8: Who wore it better?

a) the broad on the left
b) the broad on the right
(this is a test 2 see if ur a racist)

Question 9: The Lonely Island Bros are

a) going to win a Grammy in 2k10
b) a gimmick for bros
c) comedy for bros
d) glorified bro Weird Al bullshit
e) really funnie
f) really progressive
g) going to make the Flight of the Conchords obsolete for bros
h) something for people who smoke weed and watch dvds/ funnie youtube vids

Question 10: This bro won a Grammy for

a) best assault of a broad
b) best knuckle sandwich 2 a broad's face
c) Best job of 'putting a woman in her place'
d) Most likely 2 be the next OJ Simpson
e) Future Ike TurnerBro
f) Strongest Pimp Hand
g) Artist of the Millennium who Hits Women
h) Bro Who is above the law
i) bro who is above society's norms

Question 11: Daft Punk won some Grammy because

a) they deserve it for this live album thingy
b) there are too many Awards categories
c) people only heard of them after Kanye West cobranded with them for that meaningful duet about becoming stronger on the inside

Question 12: Christian Bale won a grammy for

a) being Heath Ledger's BFF
b) being in Batman
c) becoming a viral meme on audio
d) pretending 'to get angry' as a marketing gimmick for the new Terminator film so that Entertainment Magazines will profile him as being 'complex' and 'deep' and 'really into his craft'
e) he sang a lot in Newsies

Question 13: The name of this band is

a) 3 Tweens and a Blind Black Man
b) Blind, Black, and Musical: The Band
c) Searching for Our Sexuality thru the blindness
d) Bro Circle Jerk in a room with a blindman
e) Guy Who Should be able to see + need Talent Managers who protect their brands a lil bit better
f) The Grammys: Where Legends go to Make Bad Decisions
g) Steve WonderBro
h) Tweens Who Might be GheyBros

Question 14: This band in this picture is

a) the Spice Girls
b) Paramore
c) Blink 182
d) Girls Aloud
e) The Pussy Cat Dolls
f) Aqua
g) Jen Aniston and the Skanky McSkankBroads
h) Chris Brown's "Pimp Hand"

Can't believe I missed the Grammys. Feel really 'out of the loop.' Just want to connect 2 'pop culture' since it is kind of the fabric of society that relates us all.

Kinda feel like this picture represents the state of modern music.
In this picture is everything that we want.
We want bloggable content with stars who attract viewers by saying zany things and being progressive enough to blurb about.

Did yall hear M.I.A. is pregnant?
Are yall excited about how twitter gives u such direct and instant access 2 ur fave celebs while they are at a meaningful event like the Grammys?

[via diplo's drunken memes during the Grammys blogspottwitter]

This is a post about Heath being 'gone.'
This is a post about Heath being 'in a better place.'

I remember when 2008 started. We were looking for a new actor who would 'be really awesome when he was young' but then make movies like 'Meet the Fockers' when he got older. Kinda wish James Dean was still around so that he could be in sillie comedies about Bucket Lists/dealing with getting older in a whimsically meaningful way.

Heath died. He's gone. We'll never know if he is still alive. We'll never know if his death was just a mrktng gmmck. We'll never know 'what coulda been.'

Still can't believe Mary Kate/Ashley Olsen are __% responsible for Heath's death.

Conspiracy of 2k8
Did Michelle Tanner 'end' HeathBro [via peer pressure]?

Can't believe Michelle Williams (aka ex-Mrs. Heath Ledger) started to date Spike Jonez.

Can't believe Spike Jonez ever divorced Sofia Coppola. Wish they stayed together making Lost in Translation progressive guerilla videos starring Kirsten Dunst (Being John Broavich).

Remember Green Aggs and Ham?

Does n e 1 know if an 'alt celebrity couple' will emerge in 2k9?
Read a rumor on a message board that the Death Cabs were getting married. Can some1 verify that? I don't trust blogs as gossip news sources.
Also read on a blog that the Bloc Parties/TVoTR/VampWeeks/FleetFoxes are getting married.

Just gonna miss him. Might not mention him in 2k9 just to 'move on' and maybe latch on to a new celeb death as a meme-gimmick that represents 'missing some1' who allegedly meant a lot 2 society bc of his portrayal of a character + real life meme-ability.

////Post-Meaningful Quote of the Day ///////

Can you imagine if the entire Grammy telecast ends with M.I.A., Diplo, and Switch up there at the podium? How cool would that be?
-the Pitchforks getting excited about M.I.A. being nominated 4 a Grammy 4 'Record of the Year'

////////////////////
Today's MEANINGFUL QUOTE OF THE DAY represents the spirit of 'feeling proud' of your alternative taste in art and media. U usually decide to like alternative music/film/art bc it makes u different. U have an emotional investment in the success of the artist, because U WERE THERE FROM THE BEGINNING. When the artist gets mainstream recognition, there is a bittersweet feeling inside of u. Ur proud, but u kinda feel betrayed. Some simple people decide 2 just 'h8 the artist 4 selling out.' Other simple people say to themselves 'I'm glad that good art is reaching the masses.

How did u feel when ______ won an Oscar/Grammy/Gummy/Bloggy/American Music Award/MTV Music Video Award/MTV Movie Award/VH1 Divas Lifetime Achievement award?
Were u proud of ______?

'I hope Feist wins a grammy'
-my iPod that doesn't charge n e m0re

but srsly... wonder who will win the Biggest FGGT band of the year Grammy
a) the coldplays
b) Kanye West
c) the Nickelback men
d) David Cook
e) Simon Cowell
f) Linkin Parking
g) Dashboard Confessional
h) Choose.Your.Own.Response

M.I.A.

Buzzband, Alternative Celebrity

M.I.A. is known for thinking that the American government is out 2 get her.

Lists: rappers, indie songstresses, annoying ppl, 2k10 buzzbands

Read more>>>>

I'd give anything to go back to the days when music was allowed to be meaningful.
I'd give anything to go back to the days when music was meant to inspire medium-sized clubs of people.
I'd give anything to go back to the days when I 'just wanted a moderately cute+indie GF', even if she was the 'a little bit too chubby' type who 'coloured her hair' and 'took her trivial position at a college radio station seriously.'

I'd give anything to go back to the pre-Blog era and really just take a moment to 'appreciate it.' Back before there was 'hipster', and blog centuries before the 'alts.' We were just ourselves, searching for a way to represent our complex outlook on life.

I'd give anything to go back in time, and appreciate chorus-driven indie rock. The collective voices were the sound of my angsty soul that was unsure of my alternative future. They were calling out for a little bit of direction in an uncertain time. Would we ever find the authenticity that we were looking for?

Arcade Fire

Buzzband

The Arcade Fire is a 2k0s indie band that went mainstream because their songs sound like meaningful anthems. They pretend to be Canadian but Win Butler (lead singer) is actually from Houston, TX.

Lists: mindie (mainstream indie), Members of the Arcade Fire, indie bands that debuted in the Billboard Top 10, Canadian

Read more>>>>

In the spirit of the Olympics, I figured I should try to find out who the world's ALT-est athletes are. Athletes aren't just people who play sports. They have personalities, too. While most are just the typical ass holes who probably just 'listen to hiphop to get pumped up before games', some athletes display that they exist in a different world than the rest of the cliched professional athlete fraternity.

I want to support the alt-est athletes in the world.

It might be Steve Nash and Thierry Henry.

But Steve Nash also has a bro-mance with Baron Davis.

It might be Cristiano Ronaldo since he is orange and has a fauxhawkmullet.

But Kobe Bryant drives a Delorean and grew up in Italy. That's pretty authentic.

Fernando Valenzuela was significant to the Mexis/southern Californians. He was the first person to ever wear a Dodger cap.

Even David Beckham wears Dodger caps now

Is it alt to play American soccer + live in Los Angeles?

Dennis Rodman had a pretty krazie personal brand. He also banged Madonna.

Alex Rodriguez also banged Madonna. Does that make him alt?

Kerri Strug might be a lil alt.

Was Tonya Harding ALT before or after she got THICK? Is it okay to call mean people 'fatties'?

Greg Louganis was GHEY and he hit his head on the diving board. That was around when people didn't 'get' AIDs so it was kind of a big deal. Glad I live in educated, tolerant times.

Brian Boitano was also a GHEY Olympic icon. Wonder if China lets their athletes be 'gay.'

Rafael Nadal wears capri pants.

Michael Phelps was pretty alt when he had his post-post-ironic mainstream moustache.

Without a moustache, he is just an awkward freak bodied boy.

What about NBA player Kyle Korver. He looks like a caveman had a baby with Ashton Kutcher.

Ron Artest is pretty zany!

Remember the time he was so alt that he attacked white people in the stands?
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuPBbKCW1no&hl=en&fs=1]

Barry Bonds is pretty authentic for using roids.

Mike Tyson got a sillie face tatty! Such a sillie, African-American personal brand!

Cuba Gooding Jr. won over the hearts of America when he was an athlete in that movie.

But the cast of the SANDLOT was pretty alt. They wore vintage clothing.

Remember that time Michael Vick raised all of those dogs to fight other dogs? He's chillin in jail, makin friends and stuff.
<3 pet owners <3
pet owners = authentic

Sprinters with no legs are pretty meaningful-core. Pretty authentic.

I think this specific pair of Air Jordans are pretty alt.

No1 likes the Spurs and they are better than every1 else. Does that make them 'hipster' according to the commonly accepted definion?

The Williams Sisters are fashion icons. They used 2 cheat to let 1 another win.

WHO IS THE ALT-EST ATHLETE IN THE WORLD?
IS IT MAINSTREAM TO 'ENJOY THE OLYMPICS'?
Do u care about ur country?

N e ways... how about the Opening Ceremonies? They were designed so well. I minored in performance art, so I genuinely appreciate stuff like that.

What's more important: sports or music?
Which industry will die first: sports or music?
When will people believe that they are entitled to 'watching sports' for free?
When will people believe that they are entitled to 'experiencing music' for free?

I am trying to understand my identity as a member of an 'alternative market', and trying to figure out how & why marketers target me to sell their bloggable/unbloggable products to. In a world where everything is trying to 'go viral', it's hard to know what's authentic and what makes you seem like less of a 'real person.'

I think it's fair to say that NIKE will always be the best 'lifestyle brand' for both mainstreamers and alts. They have a dual identity. While the probably have well-developed research facilities to develop cutting edge products for the top athletes & the best 'kids who play a sport and have parents who love them too much', most of the alternative branding is done with 'old products that aren't incredibly comfortable, but people enjoy how they are perceived by others when they wear the product.' AKA 'The Convese All Star Theory'.

Sneakers/shoes/footwear are a HUGE representation of 'who u r', so I figured I should breakdown what popular shoes mean about U.

Good examples are:

The Samba - I wonder what would happen if people who owned Sambas were required to register for an indoor soccer league. Overall, a 'humble yet alt' look that I would compare to a modern take on the Converse All Stars.

Nike Air Force 1s - They are for both black and white people. For people who have advanced beyond having a desire for owning the shoes that belong to a popular athlete.

Generally, Air Force 1s are colourful, and these colors can be used by generic altbros to differentiate from 'the pack.' People think they are supposed to be interested in interesting colors on shoes.

Nike Dunks - Are these the same as AirForce1s? I can't rlly tell.

New Balance 991s - A shoe made for mainstreamers/frat bros/girls who wear athletic shorts+a university t-shirt. These shoes are built for comfort. I wonder if they selected a comfy shoe on purpose, or if it was an arbitrary decision.

Reebok PUMPS - Worn by some one who is probably a VERY dedicated alt or a self-proclaimed 'sneaker freak' who wants to stand out more than Nikes would allow him to. When it comes to 'form', I don't see why any one would prefer a Reebok design over a Nike design. However, the guy who 'is wearing pumps' really wants your attention.

Vans - You might be an entry level 'scenester' if you wear Vans.

Checkered Vans - You might be a future FGGT/GHEY/future-failed-alt who gets too involved with marijuana and being quirky


The awkward Nike shoe that looks like an indoor soccer shoe/Van - what kind of ass hole would wear this? Probably a failed cool dad.


Adidas Gazelles - If you want an Adidas indoor soccer shoe, you should buy a Samba. Gazelles are kind of like alt-Vans (that's a bad thing).

Steve Madden Men's Shoes - It's probably 'business casual day' if u r wearing these shoes.

Keds - You are REALLY being an ass hole if you wear KEDS. You are probably a 'kid who thinks he/she is smart even though you go to community college and only wear Earth tones/pastels and actually still have Wes Anderson posters up in your room.'


Doc Marten Sandals - Ur probably taking a bath in Abercrombie cologne and shaving your 14 year old pubes in preparation for your 'first sexual experience' if you wear these.

Asics - these are for people who are still trying to find themselves/are trying too hard to differentiate.

LA Lights - The type of person who wears these would also like to have a conversation about shows that were on Nickelodeon when you were a kid. 'Remember Pete&Pete?'


Regular Converse -a classic look that often justifies itself/leaves much to be desired at the same time. It sort of says 'I am a humble person' but still lets people know that you are either 10-25% alt or 100% post-alt.

Quirky coloured converse - You were probably in a ska band in high school and are attached to your image as 'the smart kid who was also artistic and also had a quirky side that his teachers absolutely loved!'

Interesting print Converse - The weekend shoes of mainstreamers.


Converse All Star Xtra High - If u wear these, u do not contribute anything positive to society. Your legs should be removed from the knees-down, and your legs should be used to keep kids in Africa warm.

Awkard Puma soccer/turf shoe - You should have bought some Sambas instead of being a weirdo.


Womens Reebok Freetyle Hi - I have yet to meet a girl who would actually wear this.

Why is Reebok trying to trick French people who like tecktonic into thinking their shoes make them dance better?

Yelle is more important to Reebok than Michael Jordan is to Nike.

Have u seen this Funny YELLE product placement commercial for Reebok?

On the subject of alt-celebrities promoting shoes...
I still can't believe Converse hired the guy from the Strokes, the black guy from The Pharrell, and Santogold to write a song to promote Converse. This quirky video that forced music blogs to sound excited about an MP3 from multiple artists from different target audiences was one of the biggest hoaxes of the modern bloghouseosphere era.

The song is pretty funny. I feel like sneaker companies forget t
hat 'normal people' wear shoes. It's not just people who 'think their shoes make them look cool.' This song is the type of song that 'people who think that listening to certain new/buzzworthy artists makes them cool' would listen to on their way to the mall.

I feel like music blogs have a bad reputation because up to this point because of this type of content. A lot of 'd-bags who think the are supposed to find a collaboration like this interesting' are the main proponents of mp3 blogs as a news/culture source. So while bloggers feel pressured to 'blog about this new [HIGHLY BLOGGABLE] content', the marketers/companies gain promotion but subtract from the authenticity of their message & the authenticity of the targeted blog as a tastemaking source. Advertising to 'alts who are too cool for anything, but still kind of impressionable' is difficult, and companies must hire better marketing teams in order to reach the new ALT MARKET, as opposed to advertising to the circa 2002 HIPSTER MARKET.

BUT SRSLY...
IS IT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROMOTE THE CONVERSE ALL STAR? If I were the CEO of Converse, I would stop making every non-AllStar shoe and cancel their initiatives with high-profile athletes like Dwayne Wade.

Converse should just start distributing through thrift stores and be happy with 'letting people pay what they want' for their shoes. It worked for Radiohead's "In Rainbows" and I think this product is similar.

Overall, I think Nike is the powerhouse with all of the history to make the best marketing campaigns. They realize that alts buy their products, but they don't dedicate that much direct marketing towards them. They let 'sneaker designing boutiques' and popular athletic figures who every1 liked as a kid to keep the brand's presence strong with the alts.

This commercial appeals to both mainstreamers and alts with powerful imagery/iconography that we can all associate with. In addition, it utilizes that anthem by the Killers about having soul but not being a soldier (this song theoretically appeals to every1/sounds like the kind of song that mainstreamers-who-are-unaware-of-new-bands will go out and buy, then have conversations about 'hearing this awesome song in a Nike commecial and the CD is actually really amazing.')

[HIGHLY RECCD ENDING WITH A SPRINTER WITH NO LEGS]

I don't think Nike's alternative advertising is very heavy-handed. They keep their mainstream markets as a top priority as opposed to trying to 'take over the alts.' For example, this Nike Soccer commercial was directed by Guy Richie, who is theoretically an indie director (who banged Madonna), so every one can feel comfortable liking it.

N e ways...What kind of shoes do you wear?
Which lifestyle brand do u trust?
Which business is the best?
What shoes will be big in 2k9?
Do u feel like u r way 2 valued as a 'hipster' consumer by d-bags who have brainstorming sessions where they try to identify 'what makes a hipster'?
What is a 'hipster'?
What is an 'alt'?
What is a 'scenester'?
Should I buy shoes only based on comfort?
Should I buy shoes that are made by lil AZN kids/women who are being underpaid?
Does being a 'responsible consumer' make the world a better place?
Remember hippie kids who 'didn't wear shoes'?

Lately, MTV has been doing these in-depth investigative journalism pieces about parts of the world no1 has ever heard about. I wanted to share these rlly informative pieces with yall, because I assume that if you read this blog, you are one of the most culturally-connected persons within your local community. You are a first-line tastemaker, and you deserve to know about [EXCLUSIVE] stuff like this.

Please note that these videos are [HIGHLY RECCD], not only because you get to see John Norris' never-ending-quest to be a lil alt, but because you want to understand what it's like to participate in the revolution that is a geographically-contained creative renaissance.

Note: HIGHLY RECCT VIDEOS MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE IN YOUR RSS READER
************
Un-Earthed Location #1: A small American city called "Portland, Oregon."
</embed>

Did this video almost make your head explode, too? SRSLY. I rlllly hate Portland and any other 'second tier' cities that claim to be culturally relevant by playing up the whole 'alternative gimmick.' There is an excess of shitty musicians who are Starbucks/Chili's employees in every city, so I hate when a city's personal brand revolves around 'sounding like they really mean it when they make their shitty music/attend their shitty, awkward concerts.'

I'd say Austin, TX is pretty good example of 'shitty city who is gimmickifying it's underwhelmingly-alternative brand', too. Most of the music in Austin, TX is more approachable indie fodder than the Portland concept crap, so I'll give the edge to Portland when it comes to 'moderately alt cities that major-city-alts-want-to-move-to-bc-they-think-their-life-will-be-simple, yet-authentic,yet-still-as-alt as they feel comfortable with.' No matter what, we all need an alt-city full of alts to feel comfortable around without the high-cost-of-living that major metropolitan areas have. Don't you feel like you have met a lot of people who have idealized Portland and Austin as 'heaven on alt-earth'? Like they imagine settling down with a humble-&-emotionally-connected trophy alt who is done with his/her 'partying phase' and ready to start buying well-designed carriages for their newborn babies (lil alts).

Common traits of overhyped 2nd rate alternative cities:

• Perception of being 'green'
• Perception of a bustling 'local economy'
• A high 'basically unemployment' rate (this figure represents people who are over 30, but still have the jobs a 16 year old would have)
• An excess of corporate and independent coffee shops
• An excess of people with too many tattoos working in independent coffee shops
• An excess of coffee shop employees playing RLLY gimmicky 'interesting' music in coffee shops during their shifts/playing the albums of their friend's band who sound exactly like _______
• Overhearing the 'future plans' of people who work in these coffee shops to start their own business in design/food/recordstore/boutique/other alternative biz idea.
• An excess of people in bands that have shows in an excess of venues
• An otherwise stable maintream economy which allows the alternative population to work in the service industry. While this usually happens in all cities, the minorities in the service industry are replaced by these aging alts.
• Overhearing all of these people talking about stuff that was cool between 2 to 40 years ago. They basically have a 2 year delay on 'what is currently cool' and usually just rely on 'liking aesthetics/bands that are from before 1985.'
• A handful of decent bands, a few imitators, and a bunch of krappie bands that have tied their identity to their home city and guilt their friends into attending their show/post a lot of myspace bulletins to impressionable local-17-year olds.
• They attempt to assert their city-wide inferiority complexes by having excessive representation when it comes to liberal activities, particularly 'marches.' Examples include Gay Pride Marches, Anti-Racism Marches, Marches Against 'The War', and general Marches Against Stuff That Exists Because of Conservative People.
• These cities have significant populations of 'cool dads' and 'free spirited moms' by choice/believe in their personal images, as opposed to the real-city versions of these parents who are simply 'participating in a gimmick which they have no control over.'
• A lot of these cities have a major university or a well-branded liberal arts school with a progressive identity which the 'hip side of town' feels like they need to cater to in order to keep up sales of vegan wraps, pizza-made-from-only-organic-ingredients, and interesting t-shirts.

N e ways. Do yall like these types of cities or what? Am I wrong? Should the Mayor of Portland 'show me around the alt side of town' and then 'take me on a tour of their business district'?

I think a lot of cities/hip communities within a city all have some of these traits. Did I miss n e traits?

[PLEASE NOTE: I DO LIKE STARFUCKER FROM PORTLAND, BUT I WILL STOP LIKING THEM WHEN PEOPLE START CALLING THEM 'THE NEXT MGMT' AND THEIR RCRD LABEL FORCES THEM TO CHANGE THEIR NAME. ]

[PLEASE NOTE: I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE GONE THROUGH AN EXISTENTIAL PHASE WHERE I LISTENED TO A LOT OF THE MICROPHONES AND HAVE DECIDED TO NOT TAKE ANYTHING FROM PORTLAND SERIOUSLY IN ORDER TO FORGET THE PERSON WHO I USED TO THINK I WAS IN 2KNEVER.]

[PLEASE NOTE: I H8 95% OF THE PEOPLE I HAVE MET FROM PORTLAND. I THINK I JUST DON'T LIKE PEOPLE WHO THINK WHERE THEY LIVE IS ANY MORE/LESS INTERESTING THAN N E WHERE ELSE.]

******
Unearthed Location #2: A country called France

Can some one please explain the differences between the bands JUS-TICE and JEW-STEESE? If they are going to use an American world, I think they should say it like a proud American. "Justice" was a concept invented in America, so it doesn't matter how.

N e ways, this video is s00 true. Those Frenchies are stealing our culture and selling it back 2 us. SOME1 NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. Our American alternative celebrities are letting us down. Also, the American government should ban foreign artists from utilizing our memes and media from the past in order to make money off their art. America should probably ally with Australia in the ElectroWar.

Journalists need to stop focusing on geographic locations, and start realizing that
we all live on the Internet. There's no such thing as a 'city' n e m0re, yall. We're all citizens of Blogville/the blogosphere/the memesphere/the information super fagway.

In conclusion, we need America to unite as a nation to create popular alternative music. Carles is doing his best to help the United States by working hard on the HIPSTER RUNOFF debut EP.

HRO is sooo mainstream. I can't believe I still blg abt all of these mainstream bands that are alllll over MTV.

I'm just searching for authentic authenticity. :-(