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Regine Chassagne is BACK looking hotter than evr in "Sprawl II" video

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"Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)" was the most controversial song on Arcade Fire's "The Suburbs" because Regine Chassagne sings on it. Every1 is all like 'she's a terrible singer' and 'she should be kicked out of the band so Win Butler can sing every song', but Win is her husband and that will probably never happen. Plus, somebros consider her to be 'the hottest BB in indie'. This video has to be a reactionary shot to the emergence of Lana Del Rey. The video prominently showcases Regine just bein' Regine, showing off her moves, her vocal stylings, and most importantly, her bangin indie bod.

Is Regine BACK and BTTR THN EVR?

I wonder if Regine Chassagne grew up in the suburbs of Haiti.

I wish the girls in my version of suburbia were as hot as Regine :-(

I want 2 buy her nice things at a strip mall.

I want to kiss Regine behind Costco. I want to go inside and buy her Kirkland Farms frozen yogurt.

I wat to go back to a time where my peen could get 'rock hard' under the bleachers as a teen/tween. Now I am a cool dad without confidence, relying on Cialis and Viagra cocktails to get me 'rock hard.' :-(

Regine Chassagne always has layers of cutesy clothes on

I dream of going on a d8 with her, sitting across from her in her trashbag-wave outfit.

I wonder if Regine knows how 2 play soccer. Maybe she got in2 'women's world cup' fever.

I wanna dance in the rain with Regine [via wet tshirt contest vibes]

Do u feel like they just 'ripped off' the Backstreet Boys music video 4 'Quit Playing Games with my Heart" [via dancing in the rain at the end]?

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Does Regine Chassagne look better than evr?
Has she taken the indie throne back from Lana Del Rey?
Will Regine and her dance moves always have a place in ur <3?
Remember when The Suburbs was 'the #1 album of the year' according 2 mainstreamers in 2k10?
Is this song 'amazing' or just mainstreamer indie bait?

PREVIOUSLY

Can Regine Chassagne of the Arcade Fire become ‘the next female indie sex icon’?

Regine Chassagne

Alternative Celebrity

Regine Chassagne is wife of Win Butler. Many say she should be kicked out of the Arcade Fire because she has a terrible voice.

Read more>>>>

Arcade Fire

Buzzband

The Arcade Fire is a 2k0s indie band that went mainstream because their songs sound like meaningful anthems. They pretend to be Canadian but Win Butler (lead singer) is actually from Houston, TX.

Read more>>>>

Lana Del Rey shows off her BANGIN, BLOODY bod in lamestream new music video

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Lana Del Rey is 2k11's #1 human meme, widely regarded as indie's #1 whore maven who is using her voice, but more importantly, her body in order to turn heads and get all eyes on her. Her new video "Born To Die" is meme fuel that could start any meme fire, complete with tigers, blood, nudity, an alt dude with a face tat, murder, rape, barely legal sex, and a tiger-on-human beastiality sex scene. I'm not sure if all of those are actually in there, but u have to assume that Lana Del Rey would do anything 4 the hits.

The video starts with some sort of metaphor abt America and how in the future, we will all be impregnated by dudes with face tats and our babies will come out with face tats pre-loaded on their head [via Punnett Squares].

Then we learn that Lana Del Rey actually isn't human. She lives in some sort of virtual cathedral with fake tigers.

We learn that she is 'going steady' with face tat bro. She is wearing a frilly jacket and some super HOT cut off shorts that showcase one of her best assets: the #1 a$$ in indie?

Sweet Sassy Molassy! What a bod!

She makes me feel like I'm living a teenage dream... [via getting fingerbanged in public places]

I wonder if Lana Del Rey will eventually have fresh flowers surgically applied 2 her skull.

In one of the most emotional moments of the video, she pleads with her boyfriend to 'stop playing yooo VEEEHDEEOOHHHHGHAAAMESSS.'

Lana Del Rey is attempting to break free from mainstream 'bitches who have a quirky voice' by singing about adult themes, such as sex, drugs, and dudes with face tattoos fingerbanging you in the vicinity of your parents' car.

Of course, Lana Del Rey is so obsessed with 'creating the meme' even if it doesn't have an artistic link to her content. This means that the face tat dude eventually holds a bloodied, dead Lana Del Rey.

I guess they had to 'rip off' the gore of the M.I.A. ginger genocide video in order to fully execute 'sex + violence'.

Did this video 'rip off' Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream"?

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The video seems like a less ambitious iteration of this 'relationship lives and dies while driving in a car' video.

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Does Lana Del Rey have our attn?
Does she have it 4 the right/wrong reasons?
Does she look BANGIN in the video?
Were we all born 2 die?
Is this the greatest music video of the year?
Is she the greatest artist evr?
R u hornie 4 Lana?
Did u lose ur virginity in/on a car
What piece of her do u want? [via fried chicken metaphors]

Is Friends the last harvestable buzzband of 2k11?

Photos by Erez Avissar

[MP3]
Friends Friend Crush

Friends has been incubating in the buzzosphere during 2k11, but due to a forgettable name and a generic 'we're from Brooklyn' buzz aesthetic, I chose to ignore them. However, after a closer inspection, it seems clear that they are the destined for such buzzworthy heights. The song 'Friend Crush' has lofi appeal, mnstrm appeal, cutesy female appeal, and buzz appeal. The song makes u yearn for a dark friendship where u become codependent and obsessed with some1, because they are the only person who understands u and u want to sleep next to them and get buzzed and kiss them even though ur not gay and u think of them and want to cum with them. So dark... yet a buzzworthy theme we can all relate 2...

Currently, there is a MASSIVE indie bidding war going on for the Friends' debut LP. These are the reasons why Friends is s00 in demand [via being one of the only 2k11 harvestable buzzbands].

1) Lead singer Samantha Urbani is 'hot', destined to become a premium alt diva.

Oh Samantha Urbani...
Will u be my Brooklyn Princess?
I will carry ur gear 2 ur show
and turn my head the other way even though u have a series of exBFs in ur band/at ur shows
Maybe 1 day u will write a song abt me.

Do u <3 Samantha Urbani?
Will Samantha Urbani's banging alt bod become 'the next' Alexis Krauss / Maddie Follin / Vicki LeGrand / Alice Glass? Can she take away buzz from Lana Del Rey in the Lana Del Rey era?

Oh Sammi Sweetheart...

I will throw a bouquet of flowers on stage at ur next show at a DIY space...

2) The song "I'm His Girl" is 'catchy' and has a feminist-Nylon-wave appeal [via not being feminist at all]

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In many ways, I think this song is formulaic bubble gum indie that could make u want to throw up, but then it seems alright. It seems like as a whole, the band 'lands' in some sort of sweet spot between Sleigh Bells, Cults, and Twin Shadow. I also like when women sing tributes 2 the male figures in their lives' instead of being all like 'I'm an independent woman.' If this song wasn't so pro-bro, the band might have accidentally become one of those lesbian-y Tegan & Sara bands because of the 2 keut girls who lesbians want to imagine scissoring eachother in a weird way. Can also avoid Le Tigre comparisons 4 similar reasons.

3) The girls in the band serve as the 'front of the band.'


Feel free to ignore the dudes in the band, we can just focus on the keut girls. Even though that chubby alt dude in the hat seems like a chill bro. Sometimes a band like Twin Sister is awkward because lead singer Andrea Estella needs a stronger presence at the front of the band on the PR side and on-stage so it doesn't feel like a sausagefest of buzzband bros. Despite the quality music, sometimes u need a couple of girls who blog bros can 'boner out' to in order to exponentially increase ur buzz, even if it is in a kinda lame superficial way. What Would Lana Del Rey Do? WWLDRD?

In this live video, the other girl, Lesley Hann shows off her BANGIN skinny alt bod. U can also see the 'charisma' of Sammi Urbani as she moves thru the crowd, which will be an asset as they tour across Middle America to bring their product 2 the mindie masses.

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Is Friends 'the next mindie buzzband' incubated in the lofi-pop-osphere?
Will they become a force of buzz, being forced down our throats by mindie content farms and mainstream outlets 'trying to be cool'?
Do u have a friend crush on Samantha Urbani?

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Do u want 2 b her friend?
Do u want 2 ask 4 her advice on a weekday?
Do u want to plan something nice on the weekend?
Is their name 'hella stupid'?
What's ur fave Friends song?
Is this just another overrated Brooklyn hypeballing buzzband?
Even if their music was 50% worse, would the looks of Samantha Urbani carry the band to the buzz promise land?

Samantha Urbani

Alternative Celebrity

Samantha Urbani is the lead singer QT of the buzzband Friends.

Lists: QTs, it girls
Read more>>>>

Lesley Hann

Alternative Celebrity

Lesley Hann is the backup singer and multi-instrumentalist for the band Friends.

Lists: QTs
Read more>>>>

Bro in a dubstep shirt eats at Chili's. Has dubstep gone mainstream [via dubstream]?


An overgrown tween bro sits in a Chili's stuffing his face with sliders, boneless buffalo wings, chicken crispers, SXSWestern eggrolls, and spinach artichoke dip. He wears a shirt that says 'DUBSTEP' on it multiple times.

Is he a mainstreamer?
Is he a lamestreamer?
Is he an alt?
Is he a raver?
Is he a tween alt?
Is he a dubstepper?

No. He is a dubstreamer. An emerging genre of suburban bros who are vibing to the recent 'trendy' electronic music called 'dubstep' that is going mainstream. Sure, he might listen to other bubble gum indie, but he understands that 'being into electro/dubstep' means that his vibe is on the cutting edge of modern partying. He goes to festivals to take some mollies, then feel the deep bass in his tummy, shaking his Chili's food within him as he digests.

Look at this effing dubstreamer. [Photos via the cobrasnake]

Raver or dubstreamer?

Looking keut in some dubstreamer gear

"The highlight of my life was watching Skrillex and an unmasked Deadmau5 dropping some heavy dubbeats at an exclusive impromptu VIP performance."

In the future, dubstep will be played at Chili's.
Dubstep is already on top 40 radio.
Brit Spears is already dubsteppy.
Dubstep DJs are becoming the most popular humans in the world.

Dubstreamers are a new relevant genre of alternative humans.

Yes, some ppl are still 'ravers', but the majority of these ppl are probably 'dubstreamers.'

Let's meet up at Chili's with our dubstream bros.

R u a dubstreamer?
Do u h8 dubstreamers?
Is dubstream 'the new punk'?
Is there a difference between 'dubstep' and 'dubstream'?
Did dubstreamers ruin dubstep?
Are the forces behind the dubstream explosion taking advantage of alternative middle markets in ways that high end indie never could?
What's the difference between a raver and a dubstreamer?

Welcome 2 the dubstream era!

Is the buzz drought over?


Indie Gods?
R u there?
It's me
Carles

We've been in a really buzzless drought
reduced to posting really mediocre memes
Uninspired content
Hollow buzz

Sometimes I miss my youth
When I felt excited abt relevant mp3s
Am I too entitled now?
Am I jaded by the VIP experience?

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I just want authentic buzz
I'm not going 2 lower my standards
I'm not just going 2 'hype' any mp3 that has weird owl hoots in it
just because it is by 2 famous-ish ppl

My thirst 4 buzz hasn't been quenched
in so long
our buzz crops have dried up
Our content farm that produces buzz no longer makes $$$

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Can the spirit of authentic buzz save us?
Are these all 'solid ass tracks' from the recent past?
Will the buzz drought last 4evr?
Was there nevr a buzz drought?
What mp3s have u been vibing 2 lately?


Do u <3 the new Neon Indian album?
R u excited for the 'new sound' on the next Toro Y Moi album?
R u totally surprised that Glass Candy 'came out of nowhere' with new MP3s?
What relevant music have u been illegally downloading lately?
Is the buzz drought 'over'?
Is this the buzz we've been praying 4?
Have we found our authentic buzz again?
Who will 'win' 2k11?

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Who is the frontrunner for 2k11 album/song of the year?

Neon Indian

Buzzband

Neon Indian is a chillwave buzzband from 2k9 that rode chillwaves

Read more>>>>

Glass Candy

Buzzband

Glass Candy is a buzzworthy authentic electro disco buzzband from Portland Oregon.

Read more>>>>

The 2011 MTV VMAs: tons of human memes trying 2 produce memes


Did yall watch the 2011 VMAs? It is actually a relatively successful mainstream awards show because they are looking to facilitate and proliferate as many memes as possible. This year, they allowed Lady Gaga 2 dress up like a man, and basically let her roll around in her own feces on stage 'trying to be deep', just because they knew that would help them 'win' twitter.

Tons of pretty standard mainstream memes happened.
Did u watch?
Are the VMAs 'too mainstream'?
Did they 'take over' ur social media feed?
Who was 'the big winner' of the VMAs?
Did any indie bands 'go mnstrm'?

I am watching the throne, yall!

"ODD FUTURE STOLE THE SHOW AND THEY RULE THE WORLD 4EVR!" -an odd future fan after odd future does anything

Katy Perry looks hot enough 2 work at my local Chinese Food Buffet restaurant

Beyonce turned her womb child in2 a meme.

'I have 99 problems, and the common problems associated with a pregnant wife's frequent mood swings and emotional needs account for the vast majority of them.'

Lil Wayne 'sags' AND 'wears skinny pants'

Nicki Minaj looking like she rolled around on the floor of a day care center.

We will never forget how he beat the shit out of Rihanna.

Britney Spears is turned on by the Guido-wave Mexi Kevin Federline

Kanye West is happy drunk

"I'd like to thank not only God, but also Jesus" -he actually said that

Kreayshawn looking like swag ass white trash

Unfunny Black Comedian Bro of the Year

The Guy from Entourage

'Yes, my meme power might not be as strong as it used to be, but this face means I still make more money than u.'

'Check out our new website--new artist.biz' -the Good Charlotte bros

Have u lost weight, Jonah, bb??? #LeanCuisine

LAUGHING MY EFFING BUTT OFF!

Foster the People bought their suits at Mervyn's.

It's Leto Time!

The Manager at my local El Pollo Loco

Ur so classy, Miley BB! Did u get that dress at JC Penney's?

"Justin Bieber loves to motorboat my Cha-Chas!"

CONTINUE READING/MAKING FUN OF THESE ASS HOLES ->>>>>>>>

Do Owls have the legal right to sue Bon Iver and James Blake for using their 'hoots' in their horrible song?


Owls seem like a pretty chill animal. They stay up late at night [via insomnia], get some munchies, have KILLER post-lasik eye surgery-wave eyes, and just chow down on small mammals that they totally crush within their talons. As you know, owls generally make a distinguishable noise: "Hoot! Hoot! Hoot!"

Unfortunately, their traditional noise was used in the TERRIBLE song by James Blake and Bon Iver, which is widely considered the worst song of 2k11...

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It seems unfair to owls to be utilized by Jimmy Blake and Bob Iver in this unfair manner. Owls hoot for various reasons. "Owls call for the same reason as any other critter makes noises - to communicate. A call may be territorial - warning others to stay away, or it can be to contact a mate or young, or advertise availability for breeding..." Owls DO NOT hoot just so they can be utilized unfairly in buzz songs without receiving appropriate compensation.

This chill owl bro is just vibing in the forest, looking to mark his territory, looking to meet other owls, connect with them, socially network with them, throw down chill sessions with them, maybe buy wristbands to go to regional owl-based music festivals with them. Owls want no part in a new buzz song. Owls just want to be owls.

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The new song by James Vernon Justin Blake was a massive disaster, and there are so many stories from many faceless victims whose vibes were totally harshed and abused by their song. Until James and Justy make a public apology abt what they have done, it seems like we cannot move on as an indie society, picking up the pieces 2 rebuild our fallen community.

This wasn't just a terrible song...
This is a terrible moment 4 indie
A terrible moment 4 owls...

The truth is, I might never hear an owl again without thinking of this horrible buzz song.. and that's not fair 2 owls.

This owl family might never recover from the Blake-Iver Disaster. The owl cubs will be lucky 2 get in2 community college.

Do u think this owl rlly wants 2 be seen in public after his likeness was ABUSED in a terrible buzz song? I feel really bad 4 him.

Similar to when Chinese families have daughters, many owls are being thrown off cliffs by their owners. Fortunately for owls, they can fly away...

Any chilly vibes that owls enjoy are certain 2 thaw now, bringing upon the harshest era of owl vibes evr.

Do u feel bad 4 the owls?
Are owls the new official 'alt animal'?
Should owls file a class action lawsuit against Blake and Iver?
Do u think the owl noises are the best or worst part of their song?
What legal rights do owls have?
Is animal sampling going to be the 'next big indie meme'?
Is 'Fall Creek Boys Choir' the worst song of 2k11?
Will we evr be able 2 forgive James Blake and Bon Iver 4 what they did to our endangered owl population?
R u on #TeamOwl or #TeamAsshole?

Bon Iver

Alternative Celebrity

Bon Iver is a bearded man from a Midwestern forest who sounds like Bruce Hornsby and once collab-ed with Kanye West.

Read more>>>>

James Blake

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

James Blake is a solo buzzband from London. Some call him 'the prince of dubstep.'

Read more>>>>

Is the new James Blake + Bon Iver song the worst song of 2k11?


Yesterday, Bon Iver and James Blake released a new collaborative MP3 entitled "Fall Creek Boys Choir." It was widely blogged abt because James Blake is a buzzworthy new brand in the indiesphere, and Bon Iver is a respected 'heavyweight' in indie. They have similar enough aesthetics, even though they are kinda boring.

It seems like any1 with ears can come to the conclusion that the song is 'horrible.' Why does it even need to exist? Why did they even release it? Were members of their inner-circles too blinded by the potential for the song to 'melt the blogosphere' because of the headlines it would generate?

I gave the song a few more listens to try to see if maybe I was 'missing something.' Maybe there was some sort of hidden beauty, like if u put on big headphones or something.

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Owl hoots. Owl hoots. Owl hoots. This is a total 'laugh riot.' It feels like it 'has to be a joke.' I wonder if one of them knew it was 'not going well', but they didn't have the heart to 'pull the plug.'

When a song is this bad, it forces u to take a step back and look at the current indie infrastructure. How can a song that is so bad get so much buzz 4 all the wrong reasons?

We are all MP3 consumers, consumers of buzz, and we entrust indie artists to deliver relevant MP3s for us to add to our MP3 libraries. The MP3s become the soundtrack of our lives'. We become angry when relevant artists BETRAY us by releasing subpar content. They are mocking us. They bait blogs into blogging about them, just because blogs want hits, and megabranded artists are the easiest way 2 get hits.

Blogspots 'sacrifice' their 'editorial voice', attempting to remain neutral to a 'big pile of poo' song. The indie consumer becomes confused. Their trusted tastemaking blog posted an MP3 by their fave artist(s), but for some reason, it sounds like poo. Everything is a mess. Every1 has violated one another's indie trust.

The buzzband abused the blog.
The blog abused the buzzband.
The blog abused the consumer.
The buzzband abused the consumer.
The consumer has lost trust in the buzzband and the blog.

And at the end of the day, all we have left is some silly song with men trying to do Rick Astley/Bruce Hornsby impressions and owls hooting in the background.

Shame on Bon Iver and James Blake. They really let the blogosphere down... It seems like their new song will certainly be considered the WORST MP3 of 2k11. Hollow buzz can ruin a career. This might be the beginning of the end for __________.

Is this the worst mp3 of 2k11?
Is this the worst 'hyped' mp3 in blog decades?
Do u <3 or h8 Jimmy Blake?
Do u <3 or h8 Bon Iver?
Do u know n e 1 who thought this song was 'brilliant'?
Are u srsly 'perplexed' by how pointless/bad this song is?
Do u think some1 should have 'pulled the plug' on releasing this song?
What is the worst/overhyped mp3 of 2k11?

James Blake

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

James Blake is a solo buzzband from London. Some call him 'the prince of dubstep.'

Read more>>>>

Bon Iver

Alternative Celebrity

Bon Iver is a bearded man from a Midwestern forest who sounds like Bruce Hornsby and once collab-ed with Kanye West.

Read more>>>>

#BuzzbandProblems

Photo by Holy Ghost

I recently saw this picture that was taken by the buzzband Holy Ghost! The picture was tweeted with the caption "Airport security vs. Our touring modular synth, an epic and ongoing battle."

As yall probably know, being in a buzzband gives you the opportunity to experience many glorified alt perks. Neverending VIP, unlimited tugjobs from entry-level skanks who think that swallowing ur jizz will make them 'more alt', ppl telling u how ur album is amazing and ur the greatest thing since tapas style dining, and the opportunity to travel around the world experiencing these perks. However, being in a buzzband can often present logistical challenges, particularly for low-to-mid-tier buzzbands who haven't achieved Arcade Fire mainstream status so they can just hire a 'crew' 2 'deal with the bullshit.'

Sometimes it feels like we forget abt some of the shittiest parts of life for a member of a buzzband.

Most of our favourite buzzbands are responsible for many of the logistical responsibilities associated with traveling between gigs. Their lives' are a series of car rides, domestic flights, and international flights. They don't just bring a carry-on. They have tons of 'shit that makes noises' to lug around with them in order to make buzz dollars.

I often wonder what it is like to travel as a buzzband. Do ppl 'recognize u'? The majority of buzzbands 'look like bands', but then there is probably a series of fat business travelers asking, "Are you guys in a band?"

"Oh cool. What's ur name?"

"Never heard of yall."

"What do u sound like?"

"Have u ever heard [mainstream crappy band]? U gotta check em out. They sound like the good stuff from the old days."

I sometimes worry abt the psychological toll that buzzband-related stress can do for the emotional state of a buzzband member. Life as a buzzband seems 'great' as perceived by a common alt a show, but is there anything that fun abt touring the Midwest/Europe/Asia for months at a time, little time to urself, stopping in most cities for less than 24 hours? You quit your stable job, which caused your parents to respect you less, all because you are pursuing a 'buzzworthy existence' where there are no guarantees.

Buzzbands just hope that one day it all pays off. All those moments standing in line at airport security with some random TFA agent testing your bleep bloop machines for chemical bomb-making residue. All those moments in a van with bandmembers you have grown to hate. All those days eating fastfood, arguing with your manager about logistical decisions, worrying that you will become that one band whose UHaul full of shit got stolen from a Red Roof Inn parking lot.

Being in a buzzband: Is it worth it?

*****
Does life in a buzzband seem 'amazing' or 'ultra shitty' 2 u?
Do u have any stories abt seeing buzzbands in regular contexts?
Do u feel bad for buzzbands who are scraping by in their seed stage?
What is ur perception of the quality of life for a buzzband member?

Holy Ghost!

Buzzband, DJ

Alex Frankel & Nick Millhiser are the popular buzzband Holy Ghost!

Read more>>>>

Bubble Gum Indie.

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Recently, a lot of lamestream wannabe alts have asked me, "Carles, have u heard the song PUMPED UP KICKS by Foster the People?" I have listened to the song. It seems 'catchy', 'indie', 'trendy', 'lame', 'kewl', 'fun', and the type of song that you'd imagine a group of suburban girls driving around suburbia blasting while they pour vodka into their Sonic slushies. It is interesting to think about how a song that is 'catchy' in an 'indie' kind of way inspires resentment, as opposed 2 the 'we so excited' vibes that a song would have inspired 2-10 years ago.

Foster the People's song is a manufactured 'indie' masterpiece. Vocal FX on some cool sounding voice. Sweet 'dancey' bassline. Synthiness. Whistling. Such likable music that perfectly executes the trendy indie aesthetic that feels like it was created 2 be in some sort of car/beer commercial. We can just roll our eyes and think 'Oh God. One of these songs again? Go get a record deal from a mainstream record label already.'

Sorta want 2 reflect on the greatest bubblegum indie songs ever written. Many different artists brought bubblegum indie mp3s to market at different times. Sorta wonder how their careers would have turned out differently if they came around 3 years earlier/later...

What if MGMT's "KIDS" had come out in 2011? Would they be able to morph into an intriguing 'indie' buzzband. When analyzing their 'success' in the context of a bubblegum indie MP3 that propelled them to super-mindie stardom, it is easier to understand their 'drastic change in direction' for their second album, just to attempt to get rid of some of the entry-level fans who 'liked' them 4 the 'wrong reasons.'

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros hit song "Home" has become the anthem of numerous commercials. A great boy-girl duet with whistling, then u find out the band looks like some free-spirited hippie cult. Like many bubblegum indie mp3s, it is a great one to put on a mix CD for an entry-leveler that u r trying to date so that they can project 'personal meaning' on to the song.

Remember when Passion Pit's "Sleepyhead" brought found a way to turn sample-based, falsetto-wave music into bubblegum indie? I wonder what their next album is going to sound like. Hopefully they go more mainstream and P4k pans them just to maintain 'indie alt authenticity.' I am not familiar with Passion Pits formative years. Does n e 1 know where they came from?

Peter Bjorn & John's "Young Folks" is easily one of the greatest whistle-based songs ever written, even outside of the indie genre. Back in the day, even authentic alts got really excited abt bubble gum indie, because it represented 'perfect pop music.' We wondered why mainstreamers didn't listen to this perfect music... eventually they discovered it. They 'totally ruined it', so now we get to resent any indiesque song that is too bubblegummy.

I remember when the 'hipster song with the whistling' meme went moderately viral.

I guess maybe that's what mainstreamers searching 4... They are searching for 'new trendy music' that has 'alternative' and/or 'hipster' leanings... They are searching 4 a sound that embodies the spirit of the modern search for music now that 'online social music discovery' has steered them towards music-festival-wave indie music.

It was also interesting that the Arcade Fire opted 2 write their bubble gum indie anthem on their latest album. "Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)" was a song that they didn't really need to write, but it probably helped them to win their Grammy, because it was the song that was easiest to 'identify with' for a mainstreamer. The Arcade Fire generally seem to want to try to build authentic, consistent aesthetics, but maybe some1 told them 'We need a whimsical pop song!' Oh Regine...

The concept of bubble gum indie isn't 'groundbreaking', 'new' or 'innovative. I just wonder what I would do if I started a buzzband. Would I try to get a debut on Gorilla Vs Bear, then attempt to get 'Best New Musicked' on Pitchfork, or would I just write a bubblegum indie mp3 that attracted major label interest? It seems like u would make more money with the Bubble Gum Indie hit route, and reach more ppl, but at the same time, u would basically exist as a parody of a buzzband, even if u got to go on tour and bang tons of entry-level alts on the road just the same. If ur band was 'too authentic', you would probably end up hooking up with more crusty-ish girls, if ur into that.

Do u <3 or h8 bubble gum indie?
What is the greatest bubblegum indie anthem of all time?
Do u feel disappointed when some1 who u thought was authentic listens 2 bubble gum indie and says it is 'good/buzzworthy'?
Are any bands 'guilty' of just writing bubblegum indie songs over and over again?
Do u feel bad when a band tries 2 write bubgumindie and they fail anyways?
Is a bubble gum indie hit the only way that chillwave/lofi can go mnstrm?

I think I'm just going 2 go giggle while I watch this video of Foster the People doing a super lame performance of "Pumped Up Kicks" at Lollapalooza while so many indiemainstreamers 'go crazie' 4 the song. They totally 'look like a buzzband' and 'sound like a buzzband', therefore, they 'must be a buzzband.' Right?

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I rlly, rlly resent any bubble gum indie song that was written after 2k_...

What is it like 2 work 4 Pitchfork? [A LOOK INSIDE THE MYSTERIOUS INDIE MACHINE'S OFFICES]

PHOTOSET BY TIMEOUT NEW YORK


I have always wondered what it would be like to have a high-level alt job. Most days, I sit in my cubicle at my lamestream job in a business park, dreaming of what it would be like to have a COVETED job within the meaningful workspaces of one of the most important content farms ever created. I want to be able to be backstage in the VIP area of a relevant music-based event, and be able to say, "I write for Pitchfork. Ever heard of it?" Immediately, a hoard of PR agents and bloggers will do their best to 'get on my good side' because I am an influencer who can MAKE or BREAK their ultimately mediocre band's album. Girls will basically ess my dee, just based on my relevant alt job.

I feel happy to finally know what it looks like inside the walls of Pitchfork's Brooklyn offices.

Pitchfork.com was launched in 1996 by Ryan Schreiber when he had just graduated from high school and was working at a record store; these days, a rave review on the site can practically guarantee a band’s success. But while most would assume the atmosphere at the indie music bible is self-important and smug, it’s actually laid-back and celebratory. In 2005, the small company (made up of 30 employees in its Chicago and Brooklyn offices) curated its first music festival in Chicago and the following year branched out with its annual weekend-long Pitchfork Music Festival. Two years later, the company opened a Manhattan office, and a year after that came a second location—a two-floor loft in Greenpoint that’s just off the BQE. The casual vibe here is intentional, explains Schreiber, who sits among his local staff of about 15 . He favors “[constant] discussion about the music [everyone’s] into,” made easier with a massive, Pitchfork-exclusive server of unreleased tunes.

It seems like they are 'anti-cubicle' so that every1 has their own meaningful workspace. Every1 is vibing on laptops, no Dell desktop computers for these writers and content creators. U have 2 be able 2 create content ON-THE-GO.

Schreibro should definitely have a workstation 'in the back' so that every1 feels scared that he will see them wasting time on the net, and get back 2 work.

I need 2 work in a place where every1 listens 2 great music. My lamestream coworkers have THE RADIO playing all day on our city's worst rock and/or soft rock station. I h8 feeling like I'm at a dentist's office. I need an authentic vinyl-playing machine.

White boards are an authentic way 2 communicate and manage relevant projects. My company recently invested in multi-million dollar project & financial management software. If only they realized that we could get the majority of our work done 'within the cloud' using Google Docs, dropbox, and other web-based services that could really cut down on our overhead. At the end of the day, COMMUNICATION and ENGAGEMENT create a successful business.

The only person with dual monitors in my office is the guy who is programming our new Blackberry app.

Just want a place with kewl posters on the wall. I don't need 2 show off my irrelevant diploma/GED printed-out certificate.

The Pitchfork team occasionally hosts gigs and parties in its office, including two alcohol-brand-sponsored bashes shot for Pitchfork.tv last year featuring performances by Beach Fossils and Dom. “We clear out the space and kind of turn it into a venue,” says Schreiber.

I feel sad
Knowing that
My office space
could not be converted into a relevant venue

“It’s nice to have it not be completely quiet all the time,” says Fluck of Pitchfork’s chatty, play-tunes-at-your-desk atmosphere. “I’ve found that to be an eerie thing at other jobs, when you walk in and everyone [has] headphones [on].”

It seems like they still have a collection of relevant CDs from yesteryear within their offices, or maybe a relevant interior designer altered their zonespace bc digital tactile waste is 'hot' in the design-o-sphere [via mini-disc players]

This bro seems chill, like a bro who I could really stormbrain with, and bounce mad ideas off. I could truly be myself in our meetings, and we could forge the future of sponsored content, without compromising any of the brands involved.

This binder makes me sad bc it reminds me of my job. I want to work in a PDF-file based office.

It would be great to work for a relevant alternative media company one day. People on the internet reading my words. Watching my content. Being INFLUENCED by the influencer that is me. I could send my parents links to my content, and they can finally feel justified in my decision to major in English instead of Business. Pitchfork looks like heaven, and I dream of the day when I can change my 'employment info' on Facebook 2 state that I work somewhere relevant. Ppl will ask me what I do, and my response will cover topics including content creation, writing, video-scaping, brand management, advertiser relations mgmt, and VIP area quality control.

One day I will land my alt dream job.
I am smart, creative, and I have a passion for the arts AND the alts.
This is not just 'a job', this is my lifestyle.

What is the most alt company 2 work 4?
Does p4k seem like a chill place 2 work, or is Ryan Schreiber the slave driver of content farmers?
Do u dig their 'space' or should they do more to make their employees 'feel trapped' in their jobs?
What is ur workspace like?
What is ur alt dream job?

PREVIOUSLY
I want to be self-employed and work in a conceptual work space / modern cubicle.

NYTimes writes article abt how worthless 20-somethings can’t get jobs & try 2 stay young 4evr

My job/career does not align with my true personal brand. [Generation Y and the mainstream workplace]

Ryan Schreiber

Alternative Entrepreneur, Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Ryan Schreiber is the creator of Pitchfork Media. He is one of TIME MAGAZINE's most important people in the world ever.

Read more>>>>

Pitchfork Media

Company, Blog

Pitchfork is a popular indie blogzine that does reviews and gets mad hits.

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What kind of ppl are in2 dubstep?

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I gotta be honest, I am not really that into dubstep, I am basically just 'reacting' to it invading the mainstream indiesphere. Artists like James Blake, Jamie xx, Thommy York, and Skrillex are trying to go 'dubstream', but at the same time, there are probably tons of other totally authentic underground dubstep artists like burial, and the tranny bro in this video, hyping up her new single that is totally hot!

I am sorta interested in the future of the dubstep aesthetic. Figuring out who will ultimately 'own' the genre, who will be remembered as the #1 dubstepper of all time? Is it an authentic genre, or just a 'flavor of the week' aesthetic that Britney Spears utilized and then tons of lamestreamer Middle Americans tried too hard to be like, "I'm totally gonna pump this out of my car stereo."

Really into this dubstep tranny's dubstep single 'dropping' on iTunes. It gives me hope that instead of starting a chillwave lofi buzzband, I can just hire a random ass electro bro producer and then sing nasty lyrics over it with really dark vocal effects. Is it time to become an authentic dubstepper, or is this trend totally lamestream now?

Srsly though....What kind of ppl are in2 dubstep?
a) electro bros
b) altbros
c) UK bros
d) tweens
e) tranny bros
f) tranny broads
g) lamestreamers
h) mainstreamers
i) post-chillwavers
j) Hot Topic tweens
k) buff dude bros who partie hard
l) Pitchfork-wave music critic bros
m) ppl who read NME
n) ppl who hang out on mssg boards and talk abt music
o) ppl who don't listen to internet music
p) ppl who used to listen to Linkin Park
q) Britney Spears fans
r) ppl who think Radiohead is the best band in the world
s) Bros are are still into the whole Banksy/Burial anonymous aesthetic
t) Ppl who drink Mountain Dew
u) Ppl who used to be into Taking Back Sunday
v) Bros who wear cologne
w) Bros who want vagines and bosoms
x) Bros who own headphones that cost over $300
y) Ppl who play violent video games
z) Choose.Ur.Own.Response

Is dubstep 'relevant' or just a 'BS electro fad'?
WTF is 'dubstep'?
Who invented dubstep?
Does the Tranny Bro's dubstep single seem amazing?

Please share any info abt dubbystepp that u have in the comments section of this post.

Has Jamie xx replaced James Blake as the Prince of Dubstep?



Jamie xx - Far Nearer

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It seems like we are in the middle of some indie Dubstep Wars, perhaps a new war that was born from the Electro Wars. I really don't know anything about dubstep, music, electro history, or anything that gives me any authority to genrefy or even analyze music, but maybe that makes me a lot like u... just another bro searching for relevant mp3s that send positive vibes in2 ur life, inspiring u to connect a USB cord from ur compy 2 ur iPod phono, loading a relevant buzz mp3 to stay with u 4evr [via on-the-go].

I just heard this song "Far Nearer" by Jamie xx, the drummer bro from the XX. His gimmick is that he usually just taps on some drum pad thing and wears all black and usually wears a black cap that a conceptual gang member would wear. In addition, he got tons of authentic press after the Gil Scott-Heron death, so u have to give him props for hopping on that inevitable death meme. Anyways, I think when it is 'all said and done' Jamie xx might be remembered as one of the greatest drummers and producers in the history of modern indie, and potentially in the modern dubsteppian genre.

I am not sure if he can go mainstream like Skrillex [via Hot Topic tweens], but maybe the XX is already mainstream in Europe. I feel like James Blake probably heard this song, and was all like 'I wish I had used more steel drums', but I also kinda wonder if Jamie xx really played steel drums, or if he just tapped out some steel drum samples on his lil pad sampler iPad app. It seems like James Blake is sorta like a 'hype buzzband', but he might flame out, or just turn into one of those fallen buzz humans that no1 really cares about even though blogs still blog abt them.

Pictured: Steel drumming bros from an indie concert in 2k19

It seems like Jamie xx has really asserted himself as 'the backbone' of the xx. Sure those other 2 people can sing in sexie voices that give u an erection/wet vagine, but at the end of the day, Jamie xx provided the conceptual vibes that helped 2 make ppl 'take them srsly'.

Jamie xx realizes that steel drums are the future of indie.

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We sold our guitars and pirated Ableton Live
We ditched Ableton and purchased chillwave lofi synths and 4-tracks
We put our synths on craigslist and purchased authentic Carribean steel drums

Are steel drums the future of indie?
Is Jamie xx the #1 drummer in indie?
Who is the #1 drummer in indie?
Is he a better producer than Grizzly Bear's Chris Taylor?
Is Jamie xx overrated/underrated?
Is he getting 'too famous' for the xx?
If he goes solo, will he drop the 'xx' and just go by 'Jamie _ _'?
Is James Blake no longer the Prince of Dubstep?
Is Jimmy Blake overrated?
Should James Blake and Jamie xx merge into a dubstep supergroup called Jamesie xx?

Jamie xx

Alternative Celebrity

The drummer bro who taps on the pad for the xx

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James Blake

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

James Blake is a solo buzzband from London. Some call him 'the prince of dubstep.'

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Can we ever get away from the Sponsored Experience?


So there I was, standing in a massive Adidas shoebox that was located inside the festival grounds of a relevant alternative event, and I had 2 ask myself, "Where the eff am I?" After attending so many relevant alternative events, experiencing life as a VIP and sometimes stepping outside of the VIP area in order to experience life as a 'common alt' with the herds of non-VIP alt consumers, I find myself wondering if the 'sponsored' experience has helped or hurt the State of Alt.

The Sponsored Experience////////

If an experience isn't sponsored, did it ever even happen?

Festivals, VIP areas, sporting events, mainstream events, stadiums, amphitheatres, holiday parades, and even youth sports teams' entire seasons. A brand It seems chill that relevant alt festivals are 'monetizing', 'going mainstream', and getting top tier brands. It seems chill that top tier brands have embraced alt events as a place to expose their brand to 'high-end early adoping tastemaking consumers.'

But while entities who are grandfathered into the highly lucrative buzz machine get richer and more powerful, who are the economic victims of The_sponsored_experience? Or is it chill 2 be hella sponsored as long as u invite local vegan, grass-fed, organic venders to make some $$$ by selling relevant food-truck-wave food at ur alternative event?

Pictured: Sponsored Ice Cream Experience

I feel scared and sad. Scared for our children, and future generations of alt who will never get to experience chill indie vibes and websites without being overwhelmed by the sponsored experience. Scared for the future of buzzbands, who will be forced to cultivate sponsored buzz in order to be looped into the sponsored indie buzz machine.

Pictured: Sponsored MP3 farming experience

But maybe I <3 the sponsored experience. Getting free iPhone cases, alcohol, cards to redeem free MP3s from a startup music service, and chillwave koozies. Sometimes I even get XL t-shirts. Maybe the sponsored experience is a good thing 4 evry1. Maybe the sponsored experience is where art and commerce intersect, creating a portal of synergistic vibes that allow us all to chill and vibe like never before.

Can a band 'go mainstream' without embracing the sponsored experience?
Have u ever had any chill times within a sponsored experience?
Have u ever exploited a sponsored experience to get free _________?
Are brands wasting money by sponsoring experiences [via marketing]?
Sponsored experience in a sponsored experience experience sponsorship?
Is a blog only as valuable as the sponsored content is blogs?
Do u ever wish that ur own life was a sponsored experience?
Will the sponsored experience enable all great art, music, and architecture for the rest of time?
Can a 'new authenticity' emerge now that 'authenticity' is a sponsored experience?
Is 'government' a sponsored experience [via taxes]?
Is 'life' a sponsored experience?
Is society a sponsored experience?
Can u sponsor a sponsored experience?

Pictured: I got this coupon at a relevant music festival, exposing me 2 the Pepsi Max brand

///Can we ever get away from the Sponsored Experience?

Is the broad from tUnE YaRdS the next female indie sex icon?

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I keep hearing about this buzzband 'TUNE YARDS'
except it is spelled "tUnE YarDs" or some weird way
getting tons of buzz
ppls saying 'she's a genius'
'she writes complex, beautiful pop songs'
Getting 'close to 9.0 range from Pitchfork'

Sorta wonder if she is a 'better version of Panda Bear'
via being a '1-woman band'
U wonder if she is AnCo + Dirty Projectors + Bjork
rolled in2 the body of 1 woman

U have to wonder with that much talent
if she will 'win over the hearts of male bloggers and music critics'
ascending into Victoria LeGrand, Zooey Deschanel, Alice Glass, Maddie Follin
except she wears face paint
and bangs on shit, similar to 'Ginger Bro in Arcade Fire'

She plays her own instrument(s)
She puts on a 'compelling live performance'
She 'wrote a professional-y, acclaimed album'
What's not to like?
Would u invest in Tune Yards?
Can she go 'mainstream'?
Can she become a female 'piece of meat' that is required for most women to be successful in any industry?

Apparently her real name is "Merrill Garbus"
but u have to wonder if she is going to 'replace Bjork'
as the #1 'crazy bag/pigeon lady' in the indiesphere
Since Bjork sorta got 'too weird'
and now it feels like she 'went to space'
So now we need a more 'Earthy' weird woman
Like some1 from Portland before it got all consumer-wave Portlandia
Who just likes to vibe out and eat granola + plants

Oh Merrill....

It seems like she has some 'weird music videos'
where she acts 'artsy', which is probably 'good'
Could also say that she sound like the Dirty Projectors
Except instead of having three altbaguettes harmonizing
U just have one Merrill... I wonder if Dave Longstreth, founder of Dirty Projectors ever wishes he could 'trade' 2 ProjjieBaguettes for 1 Merrill
But he probably has a good 'master-slave' relaish with his current crop of harmonizing females

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Oh Merrill Garbus...
I think I'm falling 4 u [via Colbie Caillat]

Seems like she has a 'crazy new music video' where she has a mini-me version of herself acting all Merrilly.

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Is TuNe YaRds going to be 'the #1 album of the year?
Do u think she can 'go mainstream' Feist style?
Are we witnessing one of the most talented human beings in the world right now in the prime of her career?
Do her songs sound 'good' or are they just 'whatever'?
Is this just the kind of music for 'people who like live music', lesbians who like female artists, and 'people who have too much time to spend liking indie bands based on artistic merit'?
Can she become a female indie sex icon?
Does she look good, bb?

Tune Yards

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Tune Yards is some crazy lady who is a conceptual buzzband.

Read more>>>>

Anything 4 VIP.

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Some people don't realize
how 'elevated' the VIP experience is
at any concert, show, or relevant VIP alt event

It's more than just 'perks'
Free gear
Free alcohol
Free LUNA/KIND/CLIF bars
Hobknobbing with tons of relevant influencers
Mingling with buzzbands
Networking with sponsors to lineup 'deals' for Q3
Brainstorming new sponsored opportunities

VIP is privilege
A celebration of how hard you have worked to either 'be relevant'
or how hard u worked to fool the world into thinking ur VIP
Even if it means being stuffed in an oversized Jansport backpack
some ppl will risk everything 4 it

I'd do anything for my bros...
Well... almost anything...
I would NEVER sacrifice my own VIP status to take this risk
True friends understand that you are the VIP,
after tons hard work and a series of favors + connections
It is also disrespectful & entry-level to festival organizers to disrespect their sacred zone

Non-VIP friends they are happy to be 'so close' to the bubble of relevancy
There will be chances 2 feel more relevant
But this is clearly a non-VIP move
by entry-level-pseudo VIPs

Will u spend ur entire life 'pretending/scheming 2 be VIP'
or 'earning VIP status'?

If you are a VIP
U understand that VIP-topia it is a place worth protecting
Exclusivity is a way of life, a protective forcefield + wall + moat from the evils of outsiders
The 'VIP pass' is a sacred desert oasis, a precious commune of buzz and ideas
We must not cheapen, abuse, and rape our resources.... Ruining what is ours...

Getting snuck into VIP is similar to an illegal immigrant sneaking into the USA
Pursuing the promise of a 'better life'... a 'more meaningful experience'

but at the end of the day
Even if u sneak in successfully
They will never be an American
and their life will only be marginally better for tiny moments
that last less than 140 characters

It's all about 'the idea' of being VIP/American...
The pursuit of 'the dream'
But what happens if u pursue that dream 'the wrong way'?
Sure u get tons of free booze and get to tweet that u were next to alt famous ppl...
But you still have less than 200 followers on twitter.

The truth is...
Even if ur VIP
u might not even be in VIP
u might be in a 'smokescreen' VIP area that is sponsored for pseudo-VIPs
This sounds like hell 2 me.

V I P
V I P We all want 2 b
V I P the most VIP VIP
V I P

At what price would u become VIP?
Have u ever been 'fake VIP' at an event?
Have u ever 'tricked ur way' into VIP?
Have u ever stuffed urself in a trunk/backpack to sneak 'off campus for lunch' / into a VIP area?
Will music festivals ban 'huge ass Jansports'?
If u were buying a backpack purely for sneaking-in2-places, which 1 would u pick? North Face?
Is 'sneaking into VIP' the new 'fence jumping'?

Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

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Will Holy Ghost! replace Cut Copy & LCD Soundsystem as the #1 indie electro band in the world?


[MP3]
Holy Ghost! Wait And See

Sometimes I wonder about the state of 'electro' in the modern indie world. I am not sure if people are 'still into it' or if it was 'just a fad' when indie music needed a little bit more diversification/a wider sample size, so every1 decided to 'honor' early indielectro bands like Daft Punk, LCD Soundsystem, and Cut Copy. Now Daft Punk is lamestream, LCD Soundsystem retired and never really captivated any1 as much as critics would tell u, and Cut Copy made an album that was probably 'too ambitious' and had more 'misses' than hits and ppl will probably still listen to their oldest songs when they want 2 'have a dance party.'

I have been 'impressed' by the latest Holy Ghost! album, but I am still trying to figure out how blogosphere citizens even consume 'authentic electro pop / modern disco.' Do we assess it by the same standards by which we would rate a new Animal Collective album, or do we just 'cherry pick' 'dance music' for singles that 'make us want 2 partie'?

[MP3]
Holy Ghost! Say My Name

Anyways, I have enjoyed most of the songs on the latest Holy Ghost! album more than I have enjoyed most of the tracks on this year's Cut Copy album, and anything that LCD Soundsystem has done in __ years. I sort of wonder how their music would be received if it was created by a legacy electro buzzband. Can music that is 'too electro pop' be taken seriously by critics if there isn't a female lead singer [via the Robyn theory] ? Was chillwave created to provide a 'conceptual buffer' to make it blogworthier for critics who are 'searching 4 something new' 2 buzz about? Is this type of music 'easy to make' or 'easier to dismiss' because it wasn't created 25-40 years ago?

Is Holy Ghost! authentic?
Is 'electro music' 4 gheys?
Are dubstep and chillwave 'authentic'?
What is the future of 'electro'?
Will Justice 'save' indielectro?
Is 'electro' being replaced with rap music and 'crappy hipster R & B'?
What is 'kewl' music any more?
What is the ceiling for a band like Holy Ghost! now, as opposed to 3-10 years ago?
Can any new genres be created?
Who is the #1 'electro band' in modern indie? / if u had to hire a band to execute a 'killer remix', who would u hire?

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WTF is 'electro'?

Holy Ghost!

Buzzband, DJ

Alex Frankel & Nick Millhiser are the popular buzzband Holy Ghost!

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Is it time to 'turn our backs' on Panda Bear + the AnCo brand? Can we 'save' indie if we 'pan' TOMBOY?


I recently downloaded the leak of Panda Bear's "Tomboy"
after I had waited 4 it for the past 3+ years...
But now that I have it
I am afraid to unzip the files
afraid to dive in
Afraid of what I might hear

Maybe it will be 'good'
Maybe it will be 'bad'
But maybe, I have moved on beyond 'needing music to be good or bad'
and constructing my identity based on my ability to critically evaluate music

I've grown up a lot as a music fan
As an indie music fan and connoisseur
I've been humbled
But at the same time, I've become more mature

Maybe no album can save 2k10, 2k11, 2k12, 2k19, 2k50, 3k44, 10k10, 240k11
No one buzzband can save us from the impending indie apocalypse
It's just too much pressure
Music might not be 'that great' after all
Therefore, no buzzband is 'that great'
Therefore, AnCo's 2k9 MPP run might be historically overvalued
And just left us in a buzz depression due to buzz inflation

It might be time 2 re-evaluate...
And Panda Bear's Tomboy might be the only opportunity we have
to slaughter a sacrificial golden calf
by 'panning it' [via Pitchfork sub 7.5, non-Best New Music]

Is it time to 'turn' on AnCo?
Panda
Avey
The Deak
and Geo?

What makes us 'love music'?
We love the drama.
We love the storylines.
We love to follow indie music, like a sports bro follows his fantasy league teams
The ebb & flow of the indiesphere
mirrors our human struggle...

Does Animal Collective have the meme cannon necessary
2 guide us into the future of relevancy?
Or has their gimmick/music 'peaked'?
What is next 4 AnCo?
What is next 4 the buzzosphere?

It's no longer about the 'art'
It's about the meme management...
and I just know know if AnCo still has the memes, the personality, or the willingness 'to play the game'
that it takes to win the blogosphere's critical acclaim...

So many questions inside of TOMBOY...
After Animal Collective 'won' 2k9
It seems like every1 is either 'waiting' for them to
a) release a new album that 'wins' again
b) a buzzband to release a similar product so that we can anoint them as 'being the next great authentic band'

What has 'music' become in the post-AnCo-2k9 era?
It feels like the IndieSphere just hosted the Olympics
Leveraging billions of dollars to build unnecessary infrastructure
and even though we had a wonderful celebration
We are just 'in mad debt' and struggling

We're just so lost as a buzzosphere
Spending so much time trying to invent micro-trends, micro-genres, pseudo-movements
Then doing our best 2 instantly discredit them
Doing our best to 'tear down the efforts & intentions' of any artist who puts themselves 'out there'

Maybe if we can look Panda Bear straight in the eyes and say
"Sorry bro...
Things have changed...
We appreciate ur service...
but we're moving on..."

The great buzz drought of 2k10-2k11 will finally end.
Imagine if Interpol had released "Turn on the Bright Lights" in 2k9
and it 'defined' modern indie
but then we kept pretending that their subsequent albums and Paul Banks solo projects were 'okay/'good'...

Do u want 2 be an AnCo apologist 'forever'?
Or do u want to help indie to 'evolve'?
To get us out of the 'black hole'/'quicksand pit' that is caused by the negative energy in the buzzosphere?
Has AnCo fever 'been dead' 4 a while?
Is it time 2 take off our AnCo coloured glasses and face the reality of the current buzzosphere?
Is TOMBOY 'awesome' or 'a flop' or 'just okay' or 'a little bit better than OK'?
What is ur analysis of the current state of the buzzosphere?
Can we ever get back to 'Ground Zero' of the buzzosphere without serious indie reform, or an indie terrorist act?
Will TOMBOY be a sacrificial lamb for authentic indie fans who have a vision of a more Authentic 2morrow?

I went to watch a buzzband attempt suicide bc they wanted more attention. Goodnite LCD Soundsystem.


I have been pretty surprised by the 'swan song of memes' for this LCD Soundsystem final show. Really not sure how to comprehend it all, but here are some 'conclusions I have made about my relationship with LCD Soundsystem.'

-the majority of LCD Soundsystem's songs are 25-33% too long.
-Could argue that they were 'early entrants' into the indie electro scene, and critics have allowed a lot of indielectro pioneers to 'swirl down the shitter while still being deemed relevant' because every1 is just holding on to that idea of 'what fun used 2 sound like' [via Daft Punk career arc]
-LCD Soundsystem has branded itself as 'NYC's greatest local band'
-seemed to have really high peaks, low valleys when it came to their long ass repetitive songs
-they were never going to go 'that' mainstream because James Murphy's personal brand is too old, but if a band full of 24 year olds made the same much starting right now, they would have more opportunities to make more money. They had basically reached 'capacity' on their fan base.
-I could never really tell how 'good' I thought LCD Soundsystem was, but ppl seemed to think that they are supposed to like them.
-James Murphy probably isn't like most modern indie stars who hyperactively 'monitor their perception + instant legacy' based on Google Alerts and Twitter searches, but is probably psychologically worn out due to his desire to 'have a place in the Authentic Music Hall of Fame.'

Strategically, the gimmick of 'retiring' was probably their best move possible. First of all, most buzzbands release an album every other year, probably mainly motivated by financial purposes, since they need an album to tour 'in support of'. However, 'authentic buzzbands' get away with taking 3 years between an album because their fan base is willing to wait that long and not forget about them/they have to 'hit more cities' and can tour for an extended amount of time + get paid [via relevant festival headlining slots] + throw down solo projects. Every1 know that LCD Soundsystem will 'be back' to headline a music festival, but it is just a matter of 'when?' I think that 'retiring' is basically James Murphy admitting 'I am not gonna make a new album for 3.5+ years anyways, so I might as well milk the moment and make every1 pay attention to us. Not really pointing that out to 'call him a crook', because that is ultimately the point of being in a band: hoarding attention and tricking people into thinking that you are more important than u really are when 'music' is never really 'that' innovative.

Is James Murphy 'humble' or a is he doing the modern indie gimmick of 'acting like a humble person in the body of an obsessed, driven-to-be-relevant egomaniac?'

While I do think that 'retirement' was their best career move, it sorta seems like a white flag. Modern indie buzzbands have the opportunity to either achieve one of two 'career goals':

a) go after indie cred. Search for a 10.0. Screw mainstream analytics like sales + coverage. Brand urself as 'doing it all for the music.' Maybe not even 'for the music', but just a tireless struggle to create the music that is perceived as 'what defines the current relevant indie aesthetic' over and over again.

b) go after sweet sales, tap into emerging markets, become one of the most famous-est bands in the world just based on the demand for 'indie bands' marketed as 'rock bands' to lamestreamers, but at the end of the day, some lil buzzbands can shoot for 10.0s but u get to buy property, save 4 retirement, and even get to tour in a 'bus' and 'stay in hotels' instead of pursuing authenticity by sleeping on couches and in low-rate Holiday Inns on the outskirts of suburbia by the relevant city u just played.

Which 1 would u choose?

By 'retiring', James Murphy basically said "We'll just preserve our indie cred, help our brand to marinate, leave people with a positive memory of us instead of just analyzing us the way current buzzbands are analyzed as these entities who have to prove themselves 2 each and every consumer.' It seems difficult to be in any buzzband these days due to the complex expectations of the modern indie fan, and the brand management required to navigate effectively towards 'a positive reception' both critically and commercially.

Part of me already thinks their music 'sounds better' now that I don't have to analyze them within the current context of the buzzosphere. I can think of them as an 'old friend' who I never have to hang out with so I can just reflect on the positive vibes that we once shared, even if they had major flaws and I would never want to depend on that person now that we are both 'grownups'.

Do u think LCD Soundsystem 'quit'?
Is 'retiring' an obnoxious gimmick or is James Murphy just 'a grown ass man'?
R u gonna be pissed if they are 'back' within 2.5 years?
Did James Murphy screw over his backing band members in our rough economy?
Has this whole 'retirement' gimmick been 'too much'?

************

Anyways, here is my photo account of my trip 2 the final LCD Soundsystem show at Madison Square Garden... Basically, just a lot of shots of a 'humble looking man dressed in a suit' 'milking his time in the spotlight.'

Photos by Brooklyn Vegan


'He looks like he has a lot going on in his head... #pray4jimmymurphy.'

'Yes. I paid $49.95 for 4 hours of music. That is actually kinda a good deal.'

'No, we're not going to church. We are just celebrating in style.'

Win Butler, Win Butler's brother and Regine Chassagne showed up 2 help sing "North American Scum." Of course, Regine stole the show, and it sorta made me hope that when Regine retires, she has a going-away-show at Madison Square Garden.

</embed>

Regine looks really good in her Wednesday Addams dress.

'I am just filming a documentary. Not really into the Arcade Fire any more.' -Spike Jonez, the world's #1 concert videographer

I really hope Sad LCD AZN has her solo project lined up so she can prove that James Murphy just 'used her like a Nike employee' to craft premium mp3s that he just talked and groaned over.

Watch the entire show.

</embed>
SET LIST:
Set 1:
“Dance Yrself Clean”
“Drunk Girls
“I Can Change
“Time to Get Away”
“Get Innocuous!”
Daft Punk Is Playing At My House”
“Too Much Love”
“All My Friends”
“Tired”

Set 2:
45:33 Part One
45:33 Part Two (ft. Reggie Watts)
“Sound of Silver”
45:33 Part Four
45:33 Part Five (ft. Shit Robot)
45:33 Part Six
“Freak Out/Starry Eyes”

Set 3:
“Us V. Them”
“North American Scum” (ft. Régine Chassagne, Jeremy Garza, Win Butler, and Will Butler of Arcade Fire)
“Bye Bye Bayou” (Alan Vega cover)
“You Wanted A Hit”
“Tribulations”
“Movement”
“Yeah”

Encore 1:
“Someone Great”
“Losing My Edge”
“Home”

Encore 2:
“All I Want”
“Jump Into The Fire” (Harry Nilsson cover)
“New York, I Love You But You’re Bringing Me Down”

'We're still in mourning. We lost a really, really great buzzband, and I don't know if they are ever coming back. At least we watched the greatest concert of all time ever.'

Is it impossible to believe that this 4 hour James Murphy marathon could have been 'that amazing'?
Has James Murphy 'swindled' consumers?
Has James Murphy 'lied'?
Will he 'be back'?
What 'did' LCD Sounsystem mean 2 u?
Does James Murphy have a bigger ego than Avey Tare?
What is ur analysis of the LCD Sounsystem retirement gimmick?
Is it easier to romanticize your connection with LCD Soundsystem now that they are 'gone'?

What now?


On Sunday night, I spent 3.5 hours in front of the TV because I had a feeling that something special was going to happen at the Grammys. Not just the standard 'moments created 4 mainstreamers' like some boy band reuniting, or an old rock star singing with a new buzzband representing a bridge 2 the past or something like that. I wanted to be there, just in case I got to experience the moment when 'the mainstream' not only 'accepted indie music', but also said, "Listen… yall are way better and kewler than us… Go ahead and have our most prestigious award."

For the past _ years, I have listened to indie music, been on a never-ending quest to discover buzzbands before they were mainstream and potentially harvest them as they matured in2 a crop that provided our society with mad benefits. It is more than just constructing my identity in an attempt 2 control consumer forces before they shape me--it is my identity at the point. It is more than just some 2k0s hipster bashing meme. I form a deep, emotional connection with these bands, because I see enough potential in them to share them with my closest friends who share a similar taste in musical aesthetics. Even though I am usually willing to turn on these bands when they release a cheesy, overbranded album that 'bastardized' the indie aesthetic that we once thought was meaningful/flop on their misguided follow-up album, meaningful indie buzzbands are sort of like an old girlfriend who you let see a side of you that doesn't exist any more. You got naked with them and had weird, vulnerable sex with them. You got really emotional and were willing to share a naive vision of what you thought the future would be like… together.

Do you ever wish you could go live your life knowing what it would feel like to have stayed with your ex-lover/ex-buzzband instead of just flippantly laughing at who you once thought you were? Why are you afraid of the U that U used to be?


COMPLETE ARCADE FIRE DISCOGRAPHY
▪ Funeral (2004)
▪ Neon Bible (2007)
▪ The Suburbs (2010)

(Can't believe it only took 3 albums and ~6 years… Feels way longer/shorter. "I must be getting older.")

Whether or not I 'actively like' the Arcade Fire at this point isn't even important. Whether I am an 'authentic Funeral fan', an 'educated Neon Bible fan', or a 'post-post-ironic authentic The Suburbs fan', I knew I had to be watching. Every hour I had logged in the past 6 years to find new bands, to find new websites that wrote abt bands, to engage in discussions with close friends and random people on the internet about who was 'relevant' and who was 'forgettable'… This was the moment that would make it 'all worth it.' Being an indie music fan meant being more active than just turning on a radio and accepting the content stream provided by a lame radio station… I had created my own content stream and authentic values system which was about to override 'the mainstream.'

I wanted to see the Arcade Fire win. Not just for a spike in blog hits by lamestreamers googling "Who is Arcade Fire?" or "Arcade Fire Drummer Girl" or "Arcade Fire Sucks"… I wanted to 'feel' again. Like when you go back home for Christmas break and get an emotional handjob from your ex, and for a few moments, you want to cry because you are sort of disappointed in who u r now and how things didn't really work out like you would have wanted them to and these emotions that you forgot existed creep back into your psyche.

What do u remember abt the way u felt abt +discovered music?

▪2k4-2k6 The meaningfulcore era enabled us all to freely enjoy indie music, without having to think too much bat the possibility of it going mainstream. We could all give an indie version of the 'I have a dream' speech about the days when mainstreamers + alts would unite under the same roof to watch the same perfect indie band that transcended genres, race, class, and age. Not too much internet noise.

▪2k6-2k8 The 'positive enlightenment' + transition into positive-wave blogs functioning as tastemakers and allowed us to harvest more indie bands and manufacture buzz at an alarming rate. This helped some bands, probably even to the point that their hype bubble 'burst.'

▪2k9-PRESENT The era where negative vibes, unhealthy self-awareness, SEO inspired blog headlines, and loud opinions often overtake the work/labor of the artists. MP3s = processed as memes. Memes = sharable. Everything means less, but there is more of everything and things are 'way better than they've ever been' but at the same time 'kinda effed up.' Etc. Etc. Etc. 'Yall get it.'

The Arcade Fire Grammy nite offered the chance 2 'turn back the clock.' The dream I once had was abt 2 manifest itself. Would I 'allow myself to reconnect with the past', or would my modern perspective on mindie (mainstream indie) music cut off any chance of 'feeling' any sort of emotion/authentic vibe?

I have written 'memorable posts' about AnCo 'being created by the internet blogosphere', the memefication of buzzbands, 'growing older as an indie fan', overground indie, and even the previously most-historic meme moment in the modern indie-sphere, which was Kanye West receiving a 10.0 from Pitchfork. Arcade Fire Grammy nite seemed like it had the potential to be 'the final act' of indie. Offer us some closure. Yes, indie had 'gone mainstream' due to infiniti-ass reasons and there was no point 2 really 'beat a dead horse'/'blog a dead meme' by trying to explain how/why/when/who… But what if this moment could help me (the human, not the person on the internet who types out whatever I am feeling) go back in time? Help me 2 remember…

Remember 'why' I even 'give a shit' abt all of this 'buzzband bullshit.'

So they won...

So the Arcade Fire is now the #1 band in the world. They have succeeded as a brand by exposing their brand name to the largest audiences possible. They will play the Super Bowl within the next 2 years. Young bands want to be them. Old bands like U2 probably want to sound like them. Lamestreamers reacted. Indie fans reacted. Blogs reacted. Blah blah blah noise opinions. Lame blogs were 'excited' about the victory because they still live in the past. Progressive blogs offered some 'snarky, insightful/distanced take that offered some pretty decent commentary on the state_of_indie.'

I was alone with my thoughts and memes. I felt excited and happy, but I am not sure if that is a 'marketable angle' in the modern blogosphere [via entry-level feelings].

I was even willing to forgive Win for 'thanking Canada' even though he is from Texas, and America gave him the inspiration 2 write The Suburbs.

I was willing 2 be happy for these bros. These indie role models. These people living a Canadian, artsy fartsy, yet accepted-by-the-mainstream+financially-successful lifestyle that me + my exGf thought we would accomplish together. I was happy to have been along for the ride, even if I somewhat h8ed them for 40-70% of it.

The moment was sweet. Many memories running thru my head… Nostalgic images of youth [via chillwaves]
Every time I had burned a CD for some1 who wanted to know more abt 'cool, obscure bands' was worth it.
Every time I had purchased a mainstream indie CD that was 'good' for my old parents who were still trying to be 'cool and connected' paid off.
Every time I made fun of some1 for listening to terrible music--I was finally 'right.'
I thought abt every time I had allowed myself to 'get caught up' in an 'epic' live show and wanted to tell some1 what it felt like to be experiencing something like that with so many other ppl.
I thought abt when my bros and I went on that one roadtrip, and listened to some killer albums.
I thought abt the one time when I ran into that one band before they were famous, and they were actually really nice, humble people.
I thought abt the time I made love to my exGF while listening to "Crown of Love" by the Arcade Fire.

</embed>

I had been along for the ride, since 'Day 1.' Even if it wasn't as Day 1 as your Day 1, it still felt real to me. (Every1 has their own 'I was into the Arcade Fire before [point at which they were less mainstream than they are now].') Don't take that away from me.

For years, I have been 'really into indie music.' I even started a relatively popular blog about indie and alternative music and culture, probably because it is something I care about. Something that I am 'genuinely interested in.' Something that I 'want to promote' and 'see evolve.' But now that the Arcade Fire has won, we can finally take a deep breath, and look back on what exists, what we built, what 'means something', what 'will last forever.'

Maybe it's time 4 me 2 change.
Maybe I should reconnect with the past.
Maybe I should allow myself to get excited abt new music again, instead of just evaluating it on an impossible scale/resenting it if it achieves too much success too soon.
Maybe the buzz blogging hype machine is more efficient + productive than ever… but maybe our vibes + hypercritical analysis won't offer new buzzbands with the long term

I'm not sure what 2 do.
A part of me died a long time ago.
And I'm not sure if it is coming back
There's a real reason that me + my ex broke up
As real as it felt
As much as I want to go back
Things change
And it doesn't matter what you think right now
It doesn't matter how you feel right now or in 5 minutes or in 50 years
Right now is still special though
We can chill out

One day you wake up and your stomach hurts
and then it keeps hurting
and then you go to the doctor when you can't hold down your food
and then you find out that you have cancer
and you scramble 2 try to understand
If what you felt meant anything
If what you felt with other people
meant something to those other people

When I die
Please play "Wake Up"
by the Arcade Fire
and let ppl know
that what I once felt
was real

</embed>

That 'indie' as they know it
Isn't the way it used 2 be

This is a standard generational battle
2 preserve our identity & attempt to control our legacy
but please try to listen to me
and try to understand
That what these blogs/ppl on twitter have been saying
Isn't really how it is/was

One day the internet won't exist
All of the information on it will be gone
.jpgs, .mp3s, .tweets, .blogs, .youtube_videos
And how will 2morrow be able 2 know what our time was like?

Just b4 we go back to the standard buzz<->blog cycle
and b4 we move on 2 whatever is next with technology/music/art/the internet
and b4 we listen to another mp3 with our evolve ears + tastes
and b4 we get back 2 the warped perspective that helps us 2 cope with mini-failures and insecurities
and b4 we go back 2 forgetting everything bc it is the only way to keep moving forward

*Please remember*
*Don't ever forget*
Indie used 2 mean something.

Arcade Fire

Buzzband

The Arcade Fire is a 2k0s indie band that went mainstream because their songs sound like meaningful anthems. They pretend to be Canadian but Win Butler (lead singer) is actually from Houston, TX.

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Double D8 With my Bro: Grindfest 2k11--Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Bros Now

Photo via Brooklyn Vegan

hornie bros grinding on girls
I gotta a feeling...
that 2nite's gonna be a good nite...
that 2nite's gonna be a Black Eyed Pea-esque nite...
That 2nite's gonna be a bro bro nite

"Yeah, me and Randy will be by to pick you guys up at 7."
///and then we're gonna grind the fuck out of yall at da club
"Yeah, we're borrowing Randy's Dad's Beamer. Hells yeah!"
///and then we're gonna grind the fuck out of yall at da club

"Randy bro...U think we'll get lucky 2nite?"
"I am a firm believer in creating destiny."
"What does that mean, Randy?"
"Tonight we're going hard."
"Should I raid my dad's liquor cabinet?"
"Fuck yeah! Get the flavored vodka. We'll mix it into Icees from 7-11"
"We are fucking geniuses."
"Our bitches are gonna go HARD with us."
"Nothin's gonna stop us... Nothin's gonna stop us now."

</embed>

So there we were
Grinding the eff out of our broads
Grinding my hard lil peen
in2 the middle of her back/butt cheeks

and Randy was right...
We were creating our own destiny
I looked over at Randy, grinding so hard
In complete hornie tween ecstasy

And we Eiffel Towered the fuck out of our bitches
We were pimp ass mack daddies
We went back to a motel on the outskirts of town
and made love 2 our women
on neighboring queen beds in the same room

It was a good nite for me and Randbro...
A real good, good nite...

"Nothing's gonna effing stop us now."

The Overground Indie Fan: A Consumer Force Driving Indie Album Sales 2 Such Great Heights

overground music
I recently read that the Decemberists have the #1 album in the United States of America, selling close to 100K copies [link]. It inspired a wave of articles with the generic 'omg I can't believe indie music has done it again', and 'indie is going s00 mainstream.'

I feel somewhat perplexed, because I feel like I scan mp3 blogs, relevant music sites, and other content sources for 'good', 'authentic' music, but I have never really been familiar with the Decemberists, and I don't know any one who would actually 'buy' their album. Furthermore, I do not feel compelled to listen 2 them. I am not interested in hearing sounds from the indie past. Who are the ppl who not only 'listen to', but 'actually purchase' albums from second-rate mainstream indie bands like the Decemberists?

Much like we don't know the people who go to Walmart to make Eminem's / Nickelback's latest album #1 (unless u are a regular at Taco Bell who talks about music with the staff), it's safe to say that the most relevant music discovery experts don't really know who belongs to the mainstream indie. Maybe our heads are 'so far down' in the lofi/relevant underground trying to sniff out the 'next big sound' that we neglect the indie music fans who exist above the ground. They aren't interested in discovering a new buzzband or curating the brand of an emerging band. The exist above ground, looking to find bands that are branded as 'indie', but don't really want to get their hands dirty with the layers of metaphorical soil from the underground, nor do they want to 'risk going to jail' by illegally downloading albums.

This consumer force is the indie overground.
The Overgrounders live above the indie soil.
The Overgrounders and the Undergrounders have minimal direct interaction with one another.
There is a difference between 'going mainstream' and just 'appealing to overground markets.'

It seems to 'make sense' why Vampire Weekend's Contra would 'debut' with 124,000 albums sold due to 'tweens wanting to be alt' and wanting to become fans of handsome young men. However, it doesn't really make sense where all of these overground old ppl come out from in order to buy a Decemberists album. Maybe our heads are 'too far underground' 2 even know they exist, when they might 'outnumber' 'us' by 100:1.

Who is this consumer force, purchasing tons of digital copies of indie buzzband debut releases?
What are they in2?
What demographics do they fall in2?
Should startup indie bands be looking to appeal to the 'relevant undergrounders' or the 'overgrounders'?

I decided to check out the Decemberists' music 4 free by streaming some mp3s while watching their videos on youtube, taking some time to analyze their brand. Maybe if I 'understood' the Decemberists, I would 'understand' the overground.

Here is some other song that sounds like it would have been meaningful during the meaningfulcore era.

While I don't know much about the Decemberists...I don't know their background... I don't know any1 who listens 2 them... I don't know how they have been critically received in the past. Overall, I can say that their music is uninteresting, but I could see how somebody would enjoy considering them a 'band', just because they have a gimmicky group appearance, a singer with a distinct voice, and a pretty inoffensive sound (nice way of saying forgettable).

It seems like a comfortable band for an overground indie fan to align their brand with.

Here are a list of common traits of the overground indie music fan that I am trying to describe, just based on my perception of the Decemberists:

  • People who listen to NPR as a news + tastemaking source
  • People who still think that 'indie music' is all about 'the live show', maybe thinking that
  • Gen X-ers who are just trying to be 'hip' and buying
  • People who still read magazines to find out about bands
  • People whose favourite albums ever were created between
  • Dudebros who retroactively got in2 Pavement because they are old.
  • Indie fans who still think 'relevant indie music' sounds meaningfulcore
  • Indie fans who still think Death Cab for Cutie is 'cutting edge rock'
  • Fans that still compare everything 'indie' to Ben Gibbard projects
  • Ppl who still kinda wish 'emo' music would 'come back'
  • Fans who are waiting for a new Jimmy Eat World album
  • Some1 who said "What is this chillwave fad music thingy scene?" for the first time in the past week
  • Ppl who think 'Seattle' is 'cool' [via the 1990s]
  • Ppl who still think 'college radio' is a good form of 'music discovery'
  • Ppl who finally stopped 'buying CDs', purchased iPhones, and enjoy organizing their iTunes + making impulse buys from the iTunes store.
  • Ppl who 'support their local record store', and even chat up the 'dude behind the counter' for some recommendations.
  • Ppl who want to be considered the 'cool dude' at their lamestream office

How do you know if some1 is an overground indie fan?

"You might be an overgrounder if..."
-Jeff Buzzworthy on the Kings of Indie Blogcomedy Tour

Potential bands that appeal to overgrounders:

Who else is potentially an overground indie band? Some1 who 'sells way more albums than you would think' but you don't really know who is 'into them.'
Have record labels and publicists put too much time and energy trying 2 'get on the good side' of relevant tastemakers? Should they just quit and focus on inspiring overgrounders 2 purchase their albums?

Who do yall h8 more: Overgrounders or Mainstreamers?
Are you more interested in being a part of the consumer cycle that 'creates' cultural relevancy, or the part that just 'purchases it'?
What are the challenges commonly associated with transitioning your brand from 'relevant indie underground buzzband' to breaking into the overground?
What's the difference between a band 'going mainstream' and a band 'going overground'?

It seems like the music that has been branded as 'innovative' usually comes from lofi chillwave diy bedroom recording Gorilla Vs. Bear Pitchfork Media Altered Zones -o-sphere, and then every1 talks abt it a lot, and all of their fans download the music illegally. 'Obviously', a 'relevant buzzband' can't really 'get paid' in buzzbucks when you appeal to the early adopter + innovator markets. It kinda makes you think, should the goal of an indie band be to 'be relevant' with a small niche of tastemakers, or introduce your brand to ppl who will actually pay 4 u 2 'make a living'?

Where do overgrounders hang out?
Do they live in suburbia or 'relevant cities'?
What websites/magazines/NPR stations do overground indie fans listen 2?
How do u know if you are an overground indie fan?
Which 'relevant buzzbands' can move into overground markets?
Ariel Pink? Animal Collective? Beach House? Best Coast?
Is NPR Music the ultimate overground tastemaker?
Is debuting your album stream at NPR.com the mark of a band that desperately wants 2 go overground?
Would you rather go 'mainstream' or just go 'overground'?
Are overground bands just trying to appeal to a population of educated, but ultimately 'misguided' alternative people?
Who listens to the Decemberists?
Are older indie bands just cashing in now that their target market finally 'makes money' and can purchase their albums without having to travel to a local 'record store'?
Are overgrounders just 'super late adopters' or are they stuck in some sort of time capsule from 5-15 years ago?

I'll see u
above/below
the ground.



I am happy underground
Even if my head is in the sand/up my own ass
I know that I appreciate the ambient textures
lofi pop chillwaves
I am happy here. It really is a magical place.

Maybe u will never like the music that I 'like'
But it will get 2 u 1 day
And u might be threatened by it
U might like it
But I'm never going to live above ground
I don't want your life

DIE MAINSTREAMERS DIE
DIE LAMESTREAMERS DIE
DIE OVERGROUNDERS DIE

This is a reaffirmation of my altness + authenticity.

The Decemberists

Buzzband

The Decemberists had the #1 album in America, but not rlly sure why they are relevant.

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Can we trust the new TOMBOY release date or has Panda Bear hurt us 2 much?


I remember in May of 2k10
A lot of promises were made
that we'd see Panda Bear's new hit album
by the end of 2k10

2k10 was 'such a shit year'
that we needed a savior
and we thought Panda Bro could save us

Over the weekend, we heard news that Panda Bear's TOMBOY will be released
on 4/19/11
one day b4 "4-twenty" [via smoking danks]
but at this point, I don't even know any more.

"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."
-the indiesphere 2 Panda Bear

I just don't know
if I can really do this again
I don't know if I can let Noah tug at my heartstrings again
I might be 'entirely over' the AnCo brand in 2k11

In addition, TOMBOY was apparently mixed
by the same bro who 'produced' MGMT's flop album Congratulations.
Really, Panda?
That's supposed 2 make me feel better?
I'm supposed 2 be pumped abt this?

This is an effing disaster
I have so many mixed emotions running thru me

I heard ur new song "Atiba Song"
and I'm still deciding whether or not I want 2 like it

I'm still deciding whether or not I can evr forgive u
for ruining 2k10
I know we've been thru a lot, Noah
Those pre-chillwave days vibing out 2 Person Pitch
The time u wrote "Bro Sport"
The time u wrote "My Girls"
The time u wrote "Smooth (ft Rob Thomas and Santana)"

but maybe it's just time 4 us 2 go our separate ways
Maybe ur brand no longer resonates with me
Maybe I feel like I've been in an abusive relationship for 2 long
Maybe our glory days are behind us...

Goodbye, sweet Noah

Do u think we should hold it against Panda for 'lying' 2 us?
Will he lie 2 us again?
Does 2k11 need 2 be 'saved' yet?
What happens if Cut Copy and TOMBOY both 'flop hard'?
Who is the early frontrunner 4 album of the year?
Does the Panda Brand still resonate with u, or have u 'evolved'?
Has Panda hurt u 2 much?
Will critics 'forgive' Panda Bear?
Will the #1 'storyline' whenever some 'dumb bloggy critic' reviews TOMBOY be all like "sigh... alas! the hype machined blogosphere has finally been met with high expectations with a release of the much maligned and controversial AnCo frontman Noah Lennox's highly anticipated TOMBOYS--tis about time."?
At this point, should Panda Bear 'scrap' the Tomboy title and rebrand his album as something like "TOMBOY PHOENIX: RISING FROM THE ASHES AS A NEW ALBUM"?
What will be better: "the idea of TOMBOY" or "TOMBOY--the real album"?

Panda Bear

Buzzband, Alternative Celebrity

Panda Bear is a member of Animal Collective. He wrote the hit album "Person Pitch" but failed to deliver in 2k10 with TOMBOY.

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Life Beyond the Rave: What is a raver's life like when they aren't raving?

Photo by thecobrasnake


Hi. We're in a serious relationship where we are not just dedicated to one another, but also the act of 'raving.' We are always on the lookout for a great new DJ, electro house mp3, or regional rave that we can drive 2. In addition, we spend a lot of time networking with a lot of other underground ravers, eventually looking to plan our own event. Unfortunately, it has become more difficult to plan a rave in a public park in the greater Los Angeles area.

The truth is, we're just like any mainstream couple. We eat most meals at Taco Bell. We enjoy going 'thrifting' at used toy stores, looking to find the child_wave accessory to put our personal brands over the top at the next rave. If you know a great place to find low-priced toys, backpacks, and other places where we can hide drugs, let us know.

Recently we adopted this African American baby. I know what ur thinking, "That's not a real baby." But the truth is, our rave-and-go lifestyle doesn't really allow us to take care of any one other than ourselves. Not even small pets. When you're off the grid for 5 days after ODing + suffering from rowdy dehydration--let's just say u shouldn't own a real baby unless ur interested in committing murder.

I'd say most ravers are misunderstood. They think we don't value life, and we just want to escape every chance we get at festivals that celebrate deviant electronic sounds and man-made drugs. While we do enjoy those things, we also take time to appreciate the simple things.

We like to shop for beanies and Indian_wave fleeces.
We do like to go to the desert and do peyote.
We enjoy getting piercings in kewl places.
We love Kool-Aid--not just for drinking, but also for colouring our hair.
We're always down to sit in the back of any van, have a great conversation, and take as many unknown pills as possible.

I know u wouldn't believe it, but we're just like you when we're not at raves.

The RaveWave lifestyle isn't just about 'Rave or Die.'
We believe that we have the option to 'Rave and Live.'

Are ravers 'valuable members of society' or do they just 'do tons of drugs', burden our emergency response healthcare services, and steal toys from children in need?
Do u ever see ravers doing 'normal ppl thing' and say 2 urself "Why don't yall just go to a rave and stop ruining the real world?"
Should all ravers be shipped 2 Australia so they can just live 'the party lifestyle' 24/7 in metaphorical exile?
Is it weird 2 see ppl who are 'way alt' in a normal context?

The Cobrasnake

Alternative Celebrity

Mark Hunter is the Cobrasnake, some bro who travels around the world taking pictures of alt shit so now he has a lifestyle brand.

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BOLD PREDICTIONS ABT 2K11


WHAT IS GOING 2 HAPPEN
2 THE WORLD
2 THE BLOGOSPHERE
2 THE INDIESPHERE
2 U
ME
& EVERY1 WE TWEET @
IN 2K11???????????

....suddenly... everything///has changed

  • HIPSTER RUNOFF will 'get back to its roots'
  • HRO will pull gimmicks 2 'get more hits' and 'go mainstream'
  • Panda Bear will 'pull a Deakin' and leave AnCo
  • Panda Bear will release TOMBOY and it will get 'low reviews'
  • Pitchfork will 'redesign' and users will 'backlash'
  • HIPSTER RUNOFF will 'redesign' and 'lose its voice'
  • Indie music listeners will stop reading blogs
  • Cut Copy's new album will be 'great' but also possibly 'unfulfilling' but also maybe 'amazing'
  • James Blake will be 'mad overrated' by 'lemming ass' blogs
  • Neon Indian's new album will 'end chillwave'
  • Washed Out's new album will begin the 'post-chillwave' era
  • Toro Y Moi's new album will mark his departure from the chillwave genre into a new
  • M.I.A. will 'keep being dumb', 'saying dumb things' and 'wearing dumb clothes' 2 get attn
  • a 1990s indie celeb will die and ppl will be all like 'they changed the scene' but tweenalts will be all like 'who is that?' and cool dads will be like 'things will nvr be the same again'
  • a buzzband will die on the road, leaving us wondering 'what could have been' in their career
  • Blogs will lose hits
  • No new blogs will emerge in 2k11
  • Ariel Pink will be on Conan/Fallon
  • Lamestreamers on facebook will find out abt tons more new indie bands
  • Jamie xx will release a solo album that 'gets tons of UK hype' and American bloggers will pretend it is amazing just to milk XX hits, leaving blog readers more confused than ever
  • Ezra Koenig will 'pull a Panda Bear' and 'go solo'
  • 2 new 'authentic buzzbands' will emerge in 2k11
  • Carles will finally release the long-awaited HIPSTER RUNOFF EP
  • Lady Gaga will release a new album that is abt putting peens in her vag and she will do live performances where she holds a vibrator against her clitoris and cums on stage, inspiring a new trend by females 2 'pleasure themselves'
  • an indie celeb will be featured in a sex tape
  • Coldplay will release a song that is 'way gayer' than "Viva La Vida"
  • Jay-Z will 'do something' and ppl will be all like "yea! that's kewl. Hova"
  • Brooklyn will no longer be an authentic place 2 claim ur buzzband is from
  • Kanye West will 'collab' with Radiohead
  • Thom Yorke will retire from his sideproject "The Gorillaz"
  • Lykke Li's new album will 'totally blow'
  • Peter Bjorn and John will release a new album that doesn't have a song that is 'as good as' "Young Folks"
  • WAVVES and Best Coast will breakup
  • This is the last year of blogging by Carles who will retire at the end of 2k11
  • Carles will threaten retirement 4x in 2k11
  • Carles will hire a staff of 'wanna-be-writer-bros' who emulate his once-relevant voice to new audiences of lamestreamers who are pretending 2 be in2 'kewl indie music'
  • This is the beginning of the end
  • 2k11 will be the last great year of ur/my/our life on the internet, experiencing life, finding buzzbands, and learning abt 1 another.

What do u think is gonna happen in 2k11?
What are ur bold predictions abt 2k11?
Is this the beginning of the end?
Are our best days behind us?

////WELCOME 2 2K11/////////////////

Buzzbands I coulda/shoulda blogged abt in 2k10


Every year there are so many buzzbands that are available to 'buzz about'/align your blog's brand with by covering them on a regular/daily basis. Some artists are 'good' and 'deserve hype', but other bands sorta represent how hollow/forced the buzzosphere can be.

Here are bands that Carles 'could have' blogged abt on HIPSTER RUNOFF this year, but opted to 'pass' on, in order to prevent readers from getting confused abt what is 'truly buzzworthy' and 'what is being forced down ur throat' as buzzworthy just bc blogs need buzzbands 2 blog abt.

Sleigh Bells - This band 'got tons of buzz' after the post-chillwave bubble in 2k10, and ppl were all like 'they are s0 loud and s0 hard but at the same time they have a pop appeal.' It generally seemed 'unlistenable' 2 me, but I guess it is always good 2 have a female indie 'frontwoman' 2 get females excited abt indie music + altbros 'all hornie' abt 'liking their music.' Think maybe they 'made a huge mistake' by aligning their brand with M.I.A. after her 'disastrous' 2k10 campaign.

Might start covering Alexis Krauss bc of her Virgin Mary tattoo. Hopefully they release a slutwavey video where she shows off her bod and I will probs be 'on board.'

Das Racist - I listened 2 a few of these MP3s and I think they got a 'high score' from Pitchfork. From what I understand, their gimmick is being 'ethnic' + 'educated' + 'in touch with white man's pop culture' so they can have lyrics abt The Office, and they 'are good at rap' so they have some sort of modern indie Weird Al/Tenacious D type of brand. Seems 'funnie'/think I have seen some 'funnie videos/interviews' by them, but I don't appreciate rapping as an art form, so it is difficult for me to blog abt.

Janelle Monáe - I think she is one of those 'legitimately talented' artists, but I think she is like 'too talented'/'not watered down enough' to be successful with mainstream black audiences, so all she can rlly do is 'be critically acclaimed by white ppl.' Sorta just confusing + annoying to white indie fans when they feel pressured 2 like some random artist who doesn't really align with the white indie content stream.


Yeasayer
- Sorta remind me of a band that ppl who like Passion Pit would like. Not even sure what they are all about bc I have only heard 1 of their songs, but might go ahead and label them "a poor man's Animal Collective."

titus andronicus - No idea what this band sounds like/is all abt. Would have to guess it is either a bleep bloop band, or maybe a cool dad garage band Vice Magazine type of band.

War Paint - some band with some alt women who play forgettablewave indie rock that probs would have been more successful between 2k0-2k5. I wonder if they would be buzzworthy if they were a male band.

Japandroids - No idea what this band is all abt. Sounds kinda lame.

James Blake - I heard he is 'frontrunner' for 2k11 album of the year. Wonder if he deserves coverage 'moving forward' or if he is one of those artists who is 'critically acclaimed' bc they make music that is 50% unapproachable and 50% predictably enjoyable in a simple way, so u forget abt the unapproachable half and just say 'this is rlly good, yall!'

Googled him, found out he was a tennis player or something.

Then found a 'real picture' of James Blake.

Do yall think he is 'brilliant' / 'bloggable' or just an overhyped UK export that American indie fans should boycott? Do yall wish Americans had boycotted The xx?

How to Dress Well - I think there are tons of bands that provide 'good'/dark/mysterious/spooky MP3s, but they just have to develop a better/more coverable brand. I guess some bands aren't really created 2 perform live.

Kanye West and Lady Gaga - 2 really amazing artists that deserve way more coverage from blogs. They truly 'get' art, and will produce the best music in the coming decade. Look out for these buzz humans in 2k53.

Are any of these bands 'amazing' / 'deserve mad coverage'?
Which HRO artists 'get too much coverage'?
Is HRO's music coverage 'mad boring'?
Do all of these bands 'suck' and represent what a crappy year 2k10 was if all of these albums/artists got 'tons of buzz'?
Can any1 tell me why ppl 'like' / 'cover' / 'enjoy' these bands?
What other bands / genres / memes should have been covered by HIPSTER RUNOFF in 2k10?
R u glad 2k10 is ovr?
Should HIPSTER RUNOFF cover 'more artists' and 'give more buzzbands' an opportunity 2 be relevant'?
Do yall h8 blogs bc they cover 2 many bands and u can't rlly tell 'what is good'?
Is there 2 much noise + inauthentic buzz in the buzzosphere?
R u glad 2k11 is finally here?

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Meme, DJ, Company, Buzzband, Blog, Alternative Celebrity

HIPSTER RUNOFF is a blog worth blogging abt, created by Carles that is trying 2 stay relevant. It blogs abt buzzbands, alt stuff, relevant topics, the end of the social web, and more.

Read more>>>>

The Manifestation of the Great LoFi Hope

"Naah Nah Naaawww Naahhhh...
Naa Naw Naaww Naawwwhhh.."
-Ariel Pink, "Round And Round", 2010

[MP3]
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti Round And Round

Ariel Pink
known as 'The Great LoFi Hope'
according to a HIPSTER RUNOFF blog article [link]
posted on March 12, 2010

Today we can celebrate
Ariel Pink
at the top of the indie game
rising above every other mainstream indie band
2 win the title of 'Best MP3 of the Year'
from Pitchfork Media [LINK]

We put all of our hope in2 Ariel_bro
We knew he could do it
We trusted in our tastemaking ability for the last 5-10 years
and this day was inevitable
but that doesn't mean we can't take a moment 2 celebrate
Breathe a sigh of relief in the Kanye 10.0 era
Indie is ours again

Ariel Pink represents the mp3 criticism sphere's chance to get back to their roots of 'loving' something that is in the 99th percentile of cultural authenticity, as opposed to functioning as tastemakers for the late majority of alternative music consumers.

It's been a really scary year in indie music
Kanye West released an album that got a 10.0
and every1 was all like 'indie is dead'
but maybe we forgot abt lo-fi
Who cares abt Arcade Fires, Vampy Weeks, Beach Houses
Ariel Pink is the last white indie artist who 'critics' believe
is 'alt enough' 2 be the 'poster boy' of the modern indie aesthetic

Maybe Kanye West wasn't so perfect after all
Maybe we will always have a 'soft spot' for 'lofi pop'
It will be 'timeless' 4evr&evr

It seems like Ariel Pink might just be the Larry Bird of indie music
He represented 'the Great White Hope'
a white athlete who could 'take back' the NBA
Every person with white blood
rooted for Larry to 'win' and metaphorically 'kill'

I can't believe indie music has rlly turned into
these 'race wars'
but maybe it is what it is
and we should just rally behind Ariel
as the Great White/Lofi Hope

Doing everything we can to get him to 'chart' in the top 10 on his next album debut
Try to build the 2k11 blogosphere with him as the foundation
instead of jokes about AnCo or Kanye West being 'perfect' and 'critically praised'
Ariel Pink has now entered that zone
A product 4 every1

In the post-chill wave / ternative era, we are in a position to finally 'embrace' Ariel Pink. Maybe we have grown up, and learned more about what we want 'good music' to be. It also helps that Ariel Pink is now 'part of the machine' with a record label that will send crazy email blasts to hypemachine mp3 bloggers/find a way to get his face on some magazine covers. He is playing 'by the rules' so that makes it safer to rally behind him.

It honestly feels
like if the hit album The Doldrums was re-scored today
It would approach 10.0 status

I feel 'proud'
but at the same time I feel 'scared'
Will Ariel 'stay the same'?
Will he 'evolve' appropriately?
Will all of his songs end up in commercials?
Will he 'cut his hair' + 'get a makeover' to appeal to tweens?

Ariel Pink. This is his time to shine. His time to transform into the artist every1 thought he deserved to be. It might be a rare second chance in an internet indiesphere where you usually only get 1 shot. His chance to be more than just another pointlessly acclaimed (yet forgotten) lo-fi artist.

With great honors/rewards/buzz-dollars
Comes even greater responsibilities
'Expectations' 2 re-achieve and re-define greatness
The Great White LoFi Hope has saved White Man's Indie in 2k10
And for that, we can be eternally thankful 2 the Indie Gods 4 creating Ariel Pink

But we'll never know
What is going 2 happen
in 2k11...
Goodbye 2k10...


I'm afraid, you're afraid.
And we die and we live and we're born again
Turn me inside out
What can I say...

-Ariel "10.Who?" Pink

Has Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti 'peaked' or do they still have 'more 2 go'?
Has Ariel Pink finally 'conquered' AnCo?
R u 'happy' that indie/lofi is finally 'dead'?
Who is the Larry Bird of indie music?
Who is the Michael Jordan of indie music?
Who is the Mike Tyson of indie music?
Who is the LeBron James of indie music?
Who is the Steve Nash of indie music?
Who is the Chad OchoCinco of indie music?
Who is the ______________[sports athlete] of indie music?

What can Ariel Pink do to 'top' Round & Round?
Will his next album have to sound 'hi-fi' [via needing to sound 'post-lofi' 2 entry-levelers+tweens]?

Ariel Pink

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Ariel Pink is a 'lofi genius/wizard/mastermind' who has transitioned his brand to 'relevant indie buzzband status' in 2k10.

Read more>>>>

Is the new Jared Leto video the 'biggest piece of poop' ever created as 'art' in the history of the world?


30 Seconds to Mars is Jared Leto's alt rock band. He is an alternative actor, but he likes to focus on his music career. There are 2 other dudes in his band and one of them is his brother Shannon. I am not sure 'why' people like his music because they only have 1 catchy alt rock song from like 5 years ago, but now they just make all of these rlly stupid music videos that us 'amazing' imagery and tell 'wonderful stories.'

Anyways, their new video "Hurricane" is 'effing terrible.' Trying rlly hard to be 'beautiful', 'amazing', 'artsy', 'cutting edge', and 'more than just a music video.' Feel really bad 4 the band for spending so much time making such a big piece of poop. Has 2 be embarrassing. Feels like some1 shoulda told them "damn bros... this shit looks kinda ghey.'

Really feels like if u gave a group of high school freshmen a 'huge budget' and told them to 'make something beautiful', this is what they would have pooped out.

Do yall know what the eff happens in this video? Trying 2 find some sort of meaning in it.

1st Jared Leto wakes up

Then some dude in a mask comes 2 kill him [via 8MM Machine]

Then Jared Leto jumps out of the window of a skyscraper 2 escape

Then he lands on his feet bc he is a magic man

Then his brother Shannon does some weird shit and plays tribal drums

Then some naked broads come out in bondage

Then the forgettable dude in their band plays a violin 2 prove he is rlly deep

Then there is a metaphor abt America/the War with Iraq

Then Jared Leto gets a bunch of 'deep' prison tattoos

Then he 'gets his Fight Club' on

Honestly not even sure wtf this video is trying to do/say. Really confused. Think those dudes are 'mad insane' or something. Maybe they should go 2 college 2 learn how to take more responsibility for the images that they present, and understand that if ur 'making art', ur words/ideas/images have to 'mean something.' Honestly would have rather watched a 'toilet cam' of runny poop exiting Jared Leto's anus than this video.

Feel bad for Jared Leto. According 2 wikipedia, "Bartholomew Cubbins" is his pseudonym for his music video directing career:

He is the lead vocalist, rhythm guitarist and main songwriter for the American rock band 30 Seconds to Mars and has directed music videos under the pseudonym Bartholomew Cubbins (a name borrowed from Dr. Seuss' The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins).

Not sure if Barth is gonna be getting many more directing gigs after this log of poop.

Wonder if this video is 'deeper' than Inception/more conceptual than Lady Gaga.
Wonder 'wtf' is wrong with Jared Leto.
Wonder who takes this band srsly.
Wonder if this is 'the greatest video ever made.'
Wonder if this video will get a 10.0 because it is a beautiful dark, twisted fantasy.

Do u <3 Jared Leto?
Is 30 Seconds from Mars the 'lamest dudes' on the planet?
Is this supposed to appeal to people who are in2 anime or something?
Is this video 'srsly rlly mindblowingly lame'?
Is Jared Leto about to reach 'Lady Gaga status', being 'respected' as a pop icon 'and as an artist'?
Do u think Jared Leto is gonna lose movie roles bc ppl are gonna be like 'that dude is rlly, rlly, rlly dumb--did u see his cheesy ass music video? No way do I let that insane dude in my movie'?
Is Jared Leto 'hot'?

I found out about Kanye West after his 10.0, so I went to see him perform live at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

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Kanye West recently received a 10.0 from Pitchfork Magazine [link], making him the #1 indie artist of all time. I felt really confused, because I had never really checked out his mainstream ass. I am a predominately white indie music listener, but I am open to all musical experiences in the post-AnCo world, so if they say the shit is legit, I will check it out 4 sure. I went to see Kanye West's live performance at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. He sang some song that had a bunch of layers, but there was no backing band. It was kind of weird. Like a bunch of female voices were singing, but he was the only bro on the float. There weren't even little elf people dressed up pretending to sing.

s0 confused.

Felt really disappointed. Just really couldn't see 'greatness' in this song. Maybe I am not at the correct performance where he can really spread his wings and show us his stuff, but I am just an irrelevant American consumer who is trying to 'stay culturally connected' without many high level connxns + having 2 save money on concert tix. This was honestly going to be the only opportunity I would ever have to see a 10.0 artist perform live, and after that 1 minute and 30 second performance... it might be my last.

Feel like maybe his album isn't as good as every1 says it is, but maybe I am just judging by this performance and that is not fair. Not sure why he went on this Thanksgiving Day Parade to 'pretend he is singing' when he already has all of the indie cred in the world. Maybe it is 'performance art', but maybe he jut needs to sell more records 2 mainstreamers. So conflicted. Honestly this shit 'ruined my Thanksgiving.' I was thankful that there was another 10.0 artist in our world...but at the same time, maybe that 10.0 was just a sweet, sweet illusion to try to get us thru the great buzz drought of 2k10.

So confused by his modern post-apocalyptic blipster brand.

Should I get a Kanye West headband that says "10.0" on it?

Are Corey Feldman Lost Boys headbands the 'new shuttershades'?

Kinda bummed.
Was chanting "TEN POINT OH" as his float pulled up
but no1 knew what the hell I was talking abt
then ppl started laughing at him during his performance
bc of what he was wearing
and how he was 'clearly lip synching'

Really just a sad day for the state of modern indie music
I am not thankful 4 the state of my indie life right now
Stood in the cold
To see a failed 10.0

He seems so proud of his 10.0. On top of the world. Jeal/sad/devastated.

At least there were some pretty chill huge balloon thingies.
Decided 2 just rate them instead of being bummed about my 10.0 experience.

BLIMP/Balloon RATINGS

Kool Aid Bro: 9.4
Really solid effort skate boarding on chillwaves, living a kool ass lifestyle.

Dora the Explorer Broad: 1.5
Failed sophomore effort by indie songstress Dora. H8 females who think they are relevant balloons.

SpongeBob Lamestreamer Pants: 3.2
H8 ppl who are in2 spongebob 2 be all 'quirky.'

Ronald McDonald: 8.4
Smelled like a McDonalds franchise location. Transcended the genre of balloons with sonic posturings in the transcendent foodgaze genre.

Kung Fu Panda Bear: 9.9
Brilliant duet with Jack Black bringing to life the whimsical world of a Panda who could perform Kung Fu.

Kermit the Frog: 7.8
A disappointing followup performance by the once relevant Muppetcore artist.

Mr Potato Head (Señor Cabeza de Papa): 6.8
A valliant effort by the Latino sample-based artist Señor Papito

Pillsbury Dough Boy: 10.0
An introspective masterpiece in puff pastry wave by the Pillsbury Bro Boi. A true journey into the soul of the Dough Boy, with a matured production process demonstrating evolution beyond that bake-wave genre.

Who deserved a 10.0?
R u sad abt this Kanye West performance?
Do u think he 'ruined his brand'?
Do mainstreamers care abt the 'brilliance' of the Kanye West album or will they 'buy anything'?
What is the best balloon of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade?
Is Kanye West 'full of hot air'? [via journalistic-wave balloon metaphor closing line]

The Negrofication of Pitchfork and the Death of White Man's Indie


Before I was born
into an authentic alt indie music maker
I heard an old legend / old wives tale
abt some 'cool dad' band called Wilco made an album
that received a 10.0 from Pitchfork

I was still incubating in an alternative womb
and wasn't able to appreciate 'the genius of Jeff Tweedy'
I still don't even know what Wilco sounds like (but I would probably find them 2 be boring)
so I didn't really have any sort of 'foundation' for what 'indie greatness' was

This means my modern life
Has been all about 'searching for that 10.0 buzzband'
Selecting 'unknown' bands before they even have an entire album to sample
Watch them grow
Watch them create new genres/memes/mp3s/mediocre music videos
Watch their debut album get a 8.0 - 8.7
Wait for their second album 2 disappoint/exceed expectations

I wanted 2 be there the whole way
Until a buzzband got a 10.0
Sort of like how u 'root for a sports team 2 win a championship'
It doesn't mean as much when u tune in to the final game
to celebrate as a 'bandwagon fan'
U want to be there opening day of the regular season
I wanted to be there the whole way
Watching a buzzband earn their alt-cred

Tons of bands picked 'the easy way out'
and just 'went mainstream'
instead of 'catering to authentic indie audiences'
Trying to get that 10.0

I guess it makes more sense from a 'financial perspective'
Because u have 2 make money in order 2 buy groceries

Just wish I was born 5 to 10 to 20 years earlier
and started a music website when the internet was 'first learning how 2 blog'
I feel like I have a unique perspective
that can be turned into an editorial site
offering news, reviews, and unique writings
on relevant musical themes

I feel like I could have had the chance to be 'Pepsi'
where p4k = Coca Cola
It seems like all blogs are just a bunch of
Mountain Dews

In a world where bloggers change their last name to the name of their blog
I wish I could be 'Carles Pitchfork'
and be 1 of the most relevant ppl of all time [link]

Back in the late 2k0s
mainstream media outlets wrote a bunch of articles about how
'a great Pitchfork rating can make or break ur career'
(not sure if that is still true or if Pitchfork ratings are just another internet meme/talking point 4 people who read 2 many blogs)

Felt like they had 'won' the indiesphere
Got 'tons of hits' + mainstream coverage abt how 'indie websites are relevant'
The rest of the internet online indie scene was/is an 'afterthought'
They banded 2gether as a unit 2 battle for relevancy

Tons of lil MP3 blogs began 2 pop up
(way 2 many, probably)
Hype Machine made them a lil more powerful as a unit
But then Hype Machine made them all seem kinda long-tail-y
Then a bunch of crappy lil alt snark blogs emerged that don't really offer that much value

And now we are in a stagnant phase of mp3 blog innovation
the niche exists
People know what they are getting
But maybe it is all 'stale' and 'boring'
now that the buzz + buzzband manufacturing process is so established

Who will offer a disruptive indie-blog experience
and 'take online music journalism'
and buzzing
2 the next level?

November 22, 2010
Kanye West's "My Dark Twisted Fantasy" receives a 10.0 from Pitchfork [link]
Review by some bro named "Ryan Dombal"

I googled the name Ryan Dombal
Because it seems like this is 'the defining moment of his journalistic bloggy life'
Even though I don't know anything abt him
And possibly will never know anything more abt him

It seems like he tweeted abt the reaction 2 his article
Wonder what it feels like
2 monitor twitter
knowing something that u wrote
'resonated' with hundreds/thousands/millions of ppl

Wonder what resonated more
the 'writing'
or 'the number'

"Life is all about numbers."
-probably some smart person / business person / mathematician

I never thought I'd live 2 see this day
a 10.0 on a new album
via the Pitchforks
(until Merriweather Post Pavillion is re-issued in 5-20 years)

But I feel 'a little bit effed'
Like there is 'no where to go' now that I have experienced perfection
It would be kinda like of God descended from Heaven
and was like 'Sup it's me--God.'
Then every1 would be like 'well, I guess we know who God is now.'
and there would be no more problems + drama
no more unanswered questions
no reason to keep searching 4 truth
Because God bro was like 'sup, I'm truth'

Perhaps this will lead to a 'reactionary sect'
creating 'even more backlash' [via hits] for the Pitchforks
But also
It might get 'rlly boring'
And no1 will even care any more

Maybe 'white man's indie' has been killed
and mainstream African American hip hop for white people will 'crowd out'
altbro internet market share
We live in a time where humans use tastemaking websites
2 construct their identity
Maybe alternative ppl will 'disconnect' from the internet
now that 'online perfection' has been experienced

We already know that in the 2k10s
only rappers can be 'brilliant' / produce perfection
so groups of 1-4 white dudes
can't make relevant albums any more

As a white skinned bro
Who used to think indie music made me 'unique'
I'm not sure why I am alive any more
I no longer believe that 1 day I will create the_perfect_buzzband

I sorta want to pull a 'reverse Michael Jackson'
and become black
not to play in the NBA/NFL,
but instead to write a relevant album

Somewhat confused about the decision to co-brand with Kanye West
Attaching ur credibility 2 Kanye West
unless u think he is gonna 'tragically die'
and then people will overrate him
and they can say 'we were on board b4 he died'

I thought that Kanye West = mainstream
And he didn't really make albums, he just gave outlandish interviews
and generating troll-wave memes
Waiting for a dude to implode/die/commit public sucide/overdose
I guess maybe he is 'more like Radiohead'
where every1 has to say they are 'amazing' whenever they release something

I thought Pitchfork was a place for white skinned people 2 chill
But I guess now they will probs start blogging about video hotties, sneakers, and the NBA
I respect them for going after 'the negro mainstream'
Kanye West represents an amazing land bridge
2 those 'random black avatars on twitter'
who are tweeting about mainstream stuff + trending topics

It takes a socially transcendent moment to remind us what makes life worth living [link]
But sometimes
It might make us think that life is worth giving up on
[via having 'no identity'/no reason to 'go on']

Really don't care abt Kanye West
This is 'just another meme'
in the Top 20 memes of his career
I still rank 'banging Amber Rose' ahead of getting a 10.0 from Pitchfork

"I'd rather pound an ass like that than a 10.0 from Pitchfork' -a bro

Today is not abt Kanye West
Today is about Pitchfork.com
An important day, a celebration of greatness

'making a bold decision'
'shaking up 2k10'
'shaking up the decade'
'shaking up indie'

Taking time 2 celebrate Pitchfork.com's blogzine career
Behind every blog/website is a spirit
and they were waiting for a 10.0
even longer/harder than u were

Back in the day
It used to take a 'revolutionary piece of journalism'
an interview where 'some1 famous said something controversial'
or a 'behind the scenes look at a public figure who is relatively secretive'
to make a splash

But today
It only took one number to transcend the modern state of music journalism
four characters 1 0 . 0
1 meme

(sorta wonder if they should get the rights to a 10.0 sponsored by a brand)

10.0 brought 2 u by Old Spice / Heineken / Bud Light Amber Wheat

10.0
My life is totally different
My life is totally the same
My online existence where I search for relevant bands, albums and mp3s is no longer a journey
I have reached my destination

Maybe Pitchfork
Should give themselves a 10.0
For winning the battle 4 hits]
The battle for relevant memes
The battle for editorial weight in a world where bloggyspots just post reactionary crap and forgettable mp3s on the reg
Transcending the long tail
and the bottlenecks of content generation
and 'making the leap'
to 'mainstream'
riding the human meme
that is Kanye West

Do u think this 10.0 will 'revitalize' Pitchfork's brand?
Does a 10.0 mean anything to people who already listen to Kanye West?
Is the new Kanye West album 'bold' and 'amazing'?
Do u wish u could be a journalist/blogger/online web presence?
What is the future of online music blogs?
Do u think Pitchfork will take away Wilco's 10.0 because they are white?

When an authentic black artist writes an authentic album, does it 'transcend race' or should it only resonate with 'fellow black ppl'?
R u proud of Pitchfork for 'doing something bold'?
Do u think P4k will ever give a modern buzzband a 10.0 now?
Can a 'crappy new white buzzband' get a 10.0, or does this introduce a theory where u first have to 'go mainstream', then make something that 'is bold/innovative' that makes u more relevant/10.0worthy?
Is Pitchfork 'done' with the Animal Collective brand?
Will ppl begin to associate P4k with Kanye West instead of AnCo?
Does this mean 'less Animal Collective = the face of indie' jokes will ultimately hurt the band?
What's next for mp3 blogs? Will they find a new 'indie darling'?
Is indie music dead?
Do u buy into any of the 'conspiracy theories' abt this 10.0? [link]
Does any1 even 'give a shit' abt p4k ratings any more?
Has pitchfork 'rebranded' and 'opened up a new era' in online journalism + the evolution of their reviews?
Is this the greatest moment in Pitchfork Reviews history?
If Pitchfork could rate ur life, what do u think they would give u?

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