Alternative Nudity | Hipster Runoff

Alternative Nudity

NSFW: Should I invent a secret handshake with my BFF where we press our nipples 2gether?

Photo by LastNightsParty


Sometimes I wish I could be young forever, having the energy to 'stay out doing blow every night', seeking out meaningful life experiences until the sun rises. Honestly my newly adopted 'chillwave' lifestyle is kinda a result of my body 'breaking down' since I recently got a job that sorta sucks a lot of time and energy out of me. Really can't do anything but chill after work because my body can't do much else.

Chillwave lifestyle has its positives and negatives. I chill super hard, but chills aren't as frequent. The chills that I do throw down are mad meaningful. I feel like I have 'a few core bros', but my SOCIAL NETWORK [via Zuckerberg] is diminishing rapidly. Wish I could go back in time, be young again, learn how 2 <3 again. Do fun things again. Be quirky, zany, let nights last forever. I wish I could invent a new 'secret handshake' with my BFFs where we exposed our supple nipples, then touched them together. This would represent the 'passing of milk' from one teet to another. We would be 'nursing' 1 another, sharing information, lifestreaming in the most authentic way.

Just want life to stream from 1 human to another
in an authentic social network
Just want some 'perfect alternative breasts'
in my face
helping me to 4get about my chillwave escapist lifestyle

Miss the days of 'perfect alternative breasts.' Wonder if I will ever find 'the perfect pair', or if I'll just end up settling for some 'cartoon-like mainstream breasts' on a mainstreamer.

Might go to my local drug store, purchase a disposable camera, and label it the 'boob cam'. I will rent a van, drive around trying to 'pick up chicks' and eventually 'bang them + photograph it' in the back of the van, starting a successful online pornography subscription service called "Bros Bangin Chicks in the back of a van."

I feel like the HIPSTER RUNOFF blog is 'really suffering' from the great buzz drought of 2k10. Since there aren't that many bloggable bands, blogs that blog bloggable content can't really blog. Really hurting us all right now. I feel like 2k9 was sort of 'the Olympics of Indie Music', and now we have amazing stadiums + infrastructure meant to spread memes, but now there aren't many memes to spread + share. Sorta like converting a professional speed skating arena into a place where 12 year olds have rollerskating parties.

h8 2k10 so bad right now. 2k10 artists didn't really 'open up a new artistic space' where we could debate + discuss + analyze their art. Seems like the criticism-sphere in 2k10 has sorta been a 'slow pitch softball game.'
Really 'losing it.'

What came first: the buzz or the band?

Just hope the nip slip economy can 'come back' and save the mp3 economy. Feel like nip slips represent 'promise', the opportunity of 'seeing something great' in the future.

Feeling depressed, like the only thing keeping the blogosphere alive is 'ravers killing eachother' and birds pooping on buzzbands.
R u sad abt the state of the blogosphere?
Is 2k10 really 'tanking'?
Does n e 1 care about the Arcade Fire leak?
Will Panda Bear let us down?
Can anything save 2k10?

What will we find first: the next bloggable buzzband or the perfect alternative breasts?

Free-spirited Mom Breastfeeds at a relevant alt party. Have we discovered the perf alt breasts?

Who seems more chill: the baby bro, or the background bro trying to 'have a peep' at some mom boob?

Photo by lastnightsparty


I have always thought that the perfect alternative breasts would be some nicely sized, perky knockers. A pair of breasts that weren't 'trying to be big' like fake implant whores, but something more reasonable and structurally sound, like a Frank Lloyd Wright joint. Maybe I was wrong all together. Maybe I was holding on to 'breasts' as the ultimate sexual object.

Now I realize that breasts don't exist to have in your face while you're making love, or as a 'target' to cum on when ur 'finished with a woman.' When ur a young boy who has never been intimate with a woman, the breasts are the ultimate symbol of sex & nudity. One day, you will undress a woman, and the bulgy, hidden breasts will be the ultimate symbol of 'becoming a man.' Maybe men like to 'suck on boobies' because they are recreating the act of 'being a lil baby', trying to reconnect with their mothers' by simulating breastfeeding.

Do u realize...
that breasts...
are actually 4 nourishing ur child
with life + love + knowledge?

Wonder what it would be like to have alternative parents. Mom and Dad taking me to buzzband concerts, relevant art openings, and meaningful events in public space before I was even able to walk/eat solid foods. I feel like even though I wouldn't be able to fully appreciate my upbringing, I would eventually evolve into a post-authentic alt, since my infancy would be filled with tons

Would u ever breastfeed your child in public?
Just watched this lady breastfeeding at a Starbucks. Do u think she is 'too free spirited'? Do some moms just want to 'stand out' since having a child sort of made u conform with ur biological purpose, so they just try to 'be all zany' and breastfeed while they drink a frappacino?

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R u gonna breastfeed ur child?
Were u breastfed and did it make u a better alt?
Will the perfect alternative breasts be lactating?
Does milk from a bosom represent 'life'?
Should Steve Aoki start pouring breast milk into people's mouths instead of vodka?
Is breast milk 'more alt' than soy milk?
R u glad ur mom was mainstream and didn't use u as a personal branding tool, or do u wish she had stepped up her game?

Just want
4 walls and adobe slabs
4 my girls
so they can get they breastfeed on

-Breastimal Breastlective

What is the functional use of the perfect alternative breasts?

Photo by Domestic Fine Arts


I have been searching for the perfect alternative breasts for the past several years. Wondering what size would be perfect in an alternative kind of way, and what body type would be the perfect frame for alt breasts. But part of me wonders 'what I would do' if I finally had a pair of them in my mouth/hands. Would I be able to 'perform' sexually? Just feel scared that once 'game day rolled around', I wouldn't really have a game plan.  Feeling like an electro era altbro the first time he convinced an entrylevel headband-wearing kute lil slut to 'go home with him' for the first time.

Part of me wonders if breasts are called 'fun bags' because you are supposed to take out your stress on them. Not sure if abusing women is still 'chill' in the post-Chris Brown world, but it seems like this pair of breasts 'really took a beating.' Bruises can help your alternative brand, because it makes you seem more intriguing as an alternative female. U sorta want 2 'get 2 know' about the troubled soul behind these breasts, and reverse-nurse/caress her back 2 health [via ice pack].

Wonder if the collarbone broke or anything more severe happened to bruise these sweet 'bags of love.'  Possibly something both emotionally and physically scarring.  Maybe something alt, like 'she was in an Aoki+Pashy Pit moshpit full of rabid 16 year olds.'  Could even be something mainstream like 'her family just went on vacay to Aspen and she fell a lot during ski lessons.'

Just need 2 know what 2 do with myself in case I ever actually encounter the perfect alternative breasts.

Maybe breasts are just a sweet surface from which to inhale lines of cocaine.

I am not sure if the ternative era is going to be about tits, ass, or blow. It might be about the popular alternative drug meow meow. Ultimately feeling lost in the ternative era. Floating around aimlessly in the blogosphere as tons of indie memes and newsbits fly every where.

Wish I had a teet 2 lay my head down upon.
Do u still feel 'hornie'/aroused by sexual + drug content, or do you just want to load some mp3s into your iPod?
Do bruises 'turn u on' [via rough sex]?
Does cocaine 'get u more effed up' if you snort it off a breast/vagina/relevant CD jewel case?
Should I 'do blow off my iPad nano'?

Will the iPad make the macbook/iPhone irrelevant?
Should I invest in Vintage Dell desktops?
If u had access to a pair of perfect alternative breasts, what would u do with them?

Previous Kute Alt Girls with Bruises
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/07/what-does-it-mean-when-a-kute-indie-girl-has-bruises.html

Getting ‘hornie’ viewing Am Appy’s latest gimmick searching for the Best Alternative Ass.

I was browsing the popular alternative brand American Apparel's website, and saw that they had a social media gimmick, probably meant to drive traffic to their site, strengthen their brand, and inspire sales. They seem to have built a web tool that searches for the best alternative ass/bottom.

http://i.americanapparel.net/storefront/UGCStyle/BestBottom2010/
It seems like 'social media/community building' is truly the future, as we have seen by the facebook, myspace, and twitter. The website features 'complete functionality' for a 'rich user experience.' User submission, progressive commenting features, ass rating scale, and an excellent user interface. I think the goal of the site is to 'turn u on' and 'get mad hits' from the hornball demographic.

I am not sure if this site is something that women will browse. From what I understand, when women gain weight, it goes 'straight to their thighs + ass.' It might inspire young alts to make sure their ass stays in perfect shape, but older alts who are gaining weight/past their prime might feel insecure and defect from the brand. Not sure if they would showcase their 'cottage cheese' bottoms on this site, unless Am Appy meets the demand for aging alts by creating a 'plus size' site.

What is ur ass like?
What do u look for in the perfect alternative ass?

Here is relevant commentary on some of the most notable bottoms displayed on this American Apparel social media experience.

'Dear Lord. Let me see that tong-ta-tong-thong-tlong.'

Always wanted a cute alt ass in an Am Appy onesie.

Always had an Am Appy knee-high sock fantasy.

Feels good to be closer to my Afrikaan Fantasy.

I think this broad is 'cheating' because she is trying to showcase her luscious vagina lips.

Wonder if 'butt cleavage' is going to re-emerge as a relevant alternative trend.

[via the joke 'I'd got something I'd love to drop in that coin slot.']

Not sure if this is 'progressive underwear' or just a 'wardrobe malfunction.'

Wonder why the 'lil twink asses' are getting such low ratings.

What was ur fave ass?
What is the best type of Am Appy underwear?
Have American Apparel briefs 'gone tweenstream'?
Are thongs still 'relevant'?
Are g-strings the new alt underwear?
R u an 'ass man' or a 'tit man'?

Do u think this gimmick will help Am Appy's brand, or will they turn into a 'hipster porn site'?
Have u ever pleasured urself while looking at the Am Appy website?
Wonder if the search for the perfect alternative ass will replace the search for the perfect alternative breasts?

Explore the alt ass website

http://i.americanapparel.net/storefront/UGCStyle/BestBottom2010/

Is forming a mangina the ultimate symbol of bro affection?

Photo by Nate Smith via Village Voice


In this photograph, you see two bros replacing the traditional 'skank in a bathroom' showing off her goodies to an alternative photo bro. Instead of seeing a pair of alternative tits, or even a lil bit of pubes/vagina, you see a bro showing off his mangina. I am not sure if this is supposed to be some sort of metaphor abt the exploitation of women/sexual objectification in our modern world.

I wonder if posing in a photograph with your bro, showcasing a mangina is the ultimate display of affection towards your bro. Like, you are telling him, 'I love you and value you so much that I would let you have your way with me if I could--but I am not a homosexual. But I just want you to know. You are more important to me than any female could ever be.'

It's so weird how we're all trying to make relationships work with people we can have natural sex with, but sometimes the people who understand us more are the same-sexed friends we talk to every day. It's weird what we go through as humans, searching for the perfect mate to live the perfect life with--but maybe you've already found that person (Except u can't have sex with them+make babies to carry on ur legacy). Maybe we should just start living in same-sexed tribes, choosing to have 'mating sessions' every now and then. Would be sweet to focus on bro time, without 'all the bullshit of a relationship', but then sometimes get to 'get ur eff on' with members of the opposite sex.

Does n e 1 know what it is like to sit down and pee out of your mangina? It seems like that could really make u understand what it is like 2 'walk 10thousand miles in a womanz hi heels.' Please feel free to liveblog the experience in the comments.

Have u ever chilled with a mangina in the mirror?
What did it make u feel like?
To all the people who have vaginas, what is it like?
Is a vagina more authentic than a mangina, since it is 'natural', or are manginas more meaningful because they are a choice?
Would u create a mangina for ur #1 bro?

Previous Pix of hot skanks in the bathroom (no manginas)

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/bathroom-hotties

Cruisin with my titties out.

Photo via lastnightsparty


Cruising down the street
chilling on my pink Vespa
Saving money on gas, cab fare, subway paypal super pass metro card
& even saving the environment
Feeling free
Young, beautiful;;; in the city
Speeding towards a relevant party
Numerous alternative nightlife photographers in attendance
snapping international alt celebs
snapping photos
snapping me
This is my body
implanted/organic/raw/natural

These are truly traffic stopping breasts
More than 'just a nude' photo
I represent youth/life/sex/string theory

Through these teets
my firstborn son will suckle
nourished with the rich milk of my life experiences
and he shall spit back into my nipple hole
everlasting youth.

))<>((

( o ) ( o )

Were u breastfed?
Did it help u develop into a healthy human being?
Will u breastfeed ur future child, or will u make him/her drink Silk soy milk?
Whats ur fave kind of milk? 0%, 1%, 2%, choco, whole, strawb, soy, rice, milk of magnesia, or unpausterized?
What type of a fluid will an authentic alt mom produce in her breasts 2 nourish her alt spawn (lil alt)?


Previous Alt Nudity Coverage

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/category/alternative-nudity

Following up on the XX broad from Halloween.

Carles has received tons of feedback after posting a picture of this broad dressed as &#39;an X&#39;/&#39;the XX&#39; for Halloween. She seems free spirited and enigmatic, the kind of woman who you&#39;d love to &#39;own as a sexual object&#39; but potentially &#39;take her home to meet your mother.&#39; So many bros have sent me emails, tweets, and comments, asking &#39;Carles...whats her deal? I really wanna get to know her as a person.&#39; It seems like every bro wanted to be dryhumping bro.  Sorta like a male figure who &#39;she belonged to&#39;, both physically and emotionally. I decided to &#39;dig a little bit deeper&#39; [via journalism] and found a video of her &#39;nipslipping around&#39; on stage while the popular bloghouse banger DJ duo &#39;Crookers&#39; played. She seems fun, like an &#39;exhibitionist.&#39;

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Really missing 2k6.5 right now. I feel like this woman is the last memory I will have of &#39;electro culture.&#39; She is sorta like the final &#39;candle in the wind&#39; of the spirit of electro. Really miss the days when it was authentic to &#39;flash ur titties all over the place.&#39; Miss u electro era. Feel like I wrote this post with the now defunct 2k7 Carles voice. Do yall miss the electro era? Will California always have a relevant electro scene? Have u ever seen titties flash at an AnCo show? Does the XX broad have the perfect alternative breasts? Do u think this woman is a &#39;safety hazard&#39; and could potentially be &#39;groped to death&#39; if the bangers were hard enough? R u an &#39;exhibitionist&#39;? Do u remember the search 4 the perfect alternative breasts? http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/perfect-alternative-breasts

Would my life be more meaningful if I went on a naked bike ride with a herd of alts while we carried an alt celeb in a plastic bubble?

Photos by Mark Lore via Sgum


I was recently in attendance at a naked bike ride for a Flaming Lips video shoot. I am the type of bro who 'likes a ton of attention' so I figured I would ride my fixed gear with my johnson flappin around while starring in a music video that will surely be on pitchfork.tv [in HD]. It was good to unite with tons of nudists and get a chance to 'be a part of the indie scene.' I have always wanted 2 participate in an indie music meme that was larger than just myself.

Not sure how 'relevant' the Flaming Lips are. Heard they have 1 authentic indie classic album, but I was sort of 'late 2 the game.' I have heard that Of Montreal is 'the poor Man's Flaming Lips' in terms of their stage brand + performance gimmicks. Have honestly only heard one song by the Flaming Lips called 'Do Yall Realize?' I think the song was strategically crafted to appeal to free-spirited existential alts, who want 2 muse about how 'absurd' being alive is, and how powerful yet meek human love is.

Sorta wonder how you get a large bubble ball manufactured. Seems like you might have to get one 'custom made' from a pilates ball manufacturer or something.

Really need 2 strengthen my core, so not sure what size ball I need 2 get.

I am not sure if the 'bubble gimmick' is some sort of artistic metaphor, or if it is a 'cry 4 attention.' I feel like nudists like a lot of attention, so maybe the Flaming Lips are just trying to 'get a ton of attention' by doubling up 'guy in a bubble' with 'nude biker bros.'

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It would be kinda sweet if we could put people into bubbles and 'carry them away' when their metaphorical bubble of relevancy has metaphorically burst. I have always wondered what it would be like to 'go to heaven', and I feel like 'being transported in a bubble by a group of naked bike alts' seems like the way I would want to go to Alternative Heaven. Wonder who we should put into a bubble? Girl Talks? Sonic Youth? Miscellaneous Bloghouse 1 hit wonders? Carles?

See yall in heaven. God bless.

Have u ever been in a naked bike ride?
Have u ever participated in an alternative meme?
Who do we do with the bodies of formerly relevant ppl?
Can u injure ur private parts if u ride a bike naked?
Do u wish more ppl who felt comfortable in the nude were 'hot'?


Previous Naked Bike Ride Coverage

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/06/have-u-ever-been-on-a-naked-bike-ride.html

Should I feel embarrassed that my bro only wears shuttershades necklaces [via in public]?

Photo by the cobrasnake


What would u do if ur bro started 2 chill around town bare naked, except for a kute lil shuttershades necklace?
a) have an 'intervention' with him about his personal branding choices
b) take him on an am Appy shopping spree
c) take him to JC Penny's so he can buy a chill bro blazer
d) encourage him to 'become a mainstreamer' so he can wear cargo shorts, Hollister shirts, Old Navy flag tees, etc.
e) distance yourself from 'bro status' with him
f) 'roll with him' so that u can get attention by 'knowing him.'
g) craft a pair of shuttershades for ur peen head
h) tell him about a kewl new band called 'the jousteeces.'
i) travel with him to the woods, listen to the Grizzly Animal Bear Collective, and spend a nite talking about existentialism/societal norms
j) Try to make a viral vid with him while he walks down a busy street naked in Paris, France.
k) become 'bi'/'homosexual'
l) try to compare 'cock sizes'
m) start a blog with pix of him and hope u 'go viral'/'get a book deal'
n) get a job at McDonalds to get u more 'in touch' with 'real ppl'
o) 'murder' him
p) Go up behind him, and yell 'YALL GOT RUNOFF'D, mother effers!'
q) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Feel embarrassed about my current situation. Like my bro is 'losing his f*cking mind.' Think it might be part of 'growing older' or something, and wanting 2 stay young forever [via Peter Pan {subVia Michael Jacksons}]. Think he is trying to be innovative or something. Feel bad if his lil necklaces represent a minimemorial 4 a 'fallen altbro' or something.

Sorta miss the days when shuttershades were still 'relevant' and 'only kewl people' were wearing them. h8 tween proliferation.

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/shutter-shades

I feel ‘insanely confused’ by this creature.

Photo by lastnightsparty


I am not sure what sort of 'bro' this is, or if this is some sort of creature from an alternative underworld. I am 'insanely confused' by this creature's anatomy--unable to tell what the creature is 'all about.' From what I can tell, this creature is made up of the following parts:

  • part 'ghey'
  • part 'male'
  • part 'female'
  • part 'ram'/'billy goat'

He seems like he might be a 'local celebrity' in a thriving 'homosexual/transgendered' community. Possibly he is a 'party kid' like the now deceased Michael Alig, best known from the movie 'The Party Monsters' as a bro who 'chopped up another bro', even though they both just 'wanted 2 partie and get fucked up.'

I am not sure where the whole 'party scene' is going. I think that maybe 'dancing' might be dying again, especially now that MJ is dead. Seems like a great time for conceptual core music/fuzz-blog-post-wave to 'emerge' as the most listened to music of the next era. Remember 'the electro jungle' gimmick?

Not sure if this creature is supposed to be 'friendly' or perhaps some sort of 'predator' who kills mnstrms when they try to party. Think he might be about 'murder' and 'beauty' since he has a gun + blowdryer tatty set. Might be 'a think piece' who just wants u 2 question ur own humanity/beastialitie. Wonder what my 'tranny-power-animal' would be [via the Fight Clubs].

Please feel free to look at a picture of a 'white peen covered in black paint' at this location. Think it might be a metaphor for 'wanting a larger shaft.'

Have u ever been on a ‘naked bike ride’?

Photos via glitterguts


Lately, I have heard of some new alternative community gimmick called NAKED BIKE RIDES. I don't think they are for like internet-cultured type of people, but more of the 'far out' old alternative people, and possibly 'the homosexual community.'

I think that it is supposed to be 'raising awareness' for 'automobiles causing 2 much pollution.' like a pack of ppl 'go on a naked bike ride' to make ppl pay attention 2 them. I drive a Range Rover, and I h8 bikers because they 'want to be respected like they are real vehicles' but never obey traffic laws, and put their lives' in danger. If I had my way, bikes could only chill on sidewalks.

Have yall ever been on 1 of these naked bike rides? Did u 'put body art' on urself, or did u just 'rock out with ur metaphorical cock out'?

MORE NSFW pix 'after the jump' ....

Can Music + Art metaphorically 'fuck u in the ass'?

Photos by Chris Graham via BrooklynVegan


It's kinda weird what the whole 'indie scene' has come to. I remember back in the glory days when we didn't have to worry about corporate bullshit, but now it's like every1 is 'mad selling out.' It's like the own beautiful art that u create can eventually 'fuck society in the ass' or even 'fuck the artist in the ass.' Feel like I might start a band with a zany/intense/sillie/post-_____ brand, and try to do more to challenge the modern independent rock landscape + make generic ppl feel 'uncomfortable.' Might start 'ramming my ass' with a microphone on stage just to get people 2 think.

Feel sad that this bro didn't go to jail like that time Jim Morrison went to jail for 'showing his cock' to the audience. Feel sad for the band that came on after this bro and had to sing into a 'shit-smeared microphone.'

I feel like no matter what I/we do, we won't be able to be authentic in the modern artistic landscape. I think that the best songs of today will not win Grammy's, but instead be utilized in commercials for widely consumed products. It's s0 weird. Never thought the day where 'indie music' became 'pop music' would come while I was still on this Earth, but after attending 6 music festivals in the past month, I can't help but positively assert that mainstream = alt.

XX BONUS TITTIE SIGHTING XX

Searching for meaning
In a sea of altbros
Attending a music festival
73% male population
turn around
see a pair of titties
turn around
stick my face in
motorboat city
with white wayfarers on

Miss the days of authentic nip slip theory.

Please note: This picture is not safe for browsing in environments which do not allow you to see more than 3/5 of a nipple.

Photo via the cobrasnake


I remember the 'glory days' or HRO when 'nothing mattered' except for alternative n00ds, nip slips, and bloghouse mp3s. Feel like the 'party' has died, kind of like that time that disco died, and people said 'disco sucks, yall.' But then in 2k8, people started making disco again since the internet created enough niches for a disco tune to exist+be consumed.

But srsly yall... nip slips might still be better than 'seeing a whole tit' because it leaves more 2 the imagination. like it is 'boring' when a girl puts out 2 fast, so u sort of need her to 'hold out' so you can get emotionally connected+obsessed with the eventual goal of 'cumming on/in her.' Then when it happens, u feel like life is meaningful, but eventually u 'get tired of it' and want some1 new.

Miss the search for the perfect alternative breasts.

Miss when altcelebs would 'show off their goods. Glad that the cobrabro is still willing to 'be himself' but wish more females would do the same.

Previous nipslip coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/nip-slips

What do altGirls look 4 in a bro? (NSFW)

Photo by nicholasdigital


I feel sad to be single and alone without knowing what girls <3 about men. Do they want money? Status? Looks? Do they want some1 to tell them that they are special? That they love them? That they want to be with them forever? That u want to do more than just 'fuck' them [via making love]? I feel jealous of this bro.

I just want to find out what it takes to be a charismatic bro, dedicated to his art and transcendent of society's rigid norms, like 'wearing clothes', 'being healthy' and 'covering up ur peen.' I sort of want to be free, and have some1 <3 me 4 me. I just want to be confident with who I am. I just want to chill, be myself, and not worry about anything. I need to grow up and stop taking my anti-anxiety medication. I think I can be free.

Should I go on the popular TV show "America's Biggest Loser"? s00 many inspirational stories. Wonder if they would help me start an electro band instead of 'losing weight.'

Just want to be a bro
'rocking out [via cock out]'

Feeling both hornie and conceptual. (NSFW)

Photo via StreetBonersandTVCarnage


I am in a weird mood this weekend. I feel like seeing some avant garde art/music/performances, but at the same time, I feel like doing something that objectifies women, like going to a strip club or something.

Part of me really wants to discover a new underground buzzband that is more authentic than Animal Collective/Karen O
but another part of me just wants to see some alternative titties.

Part of me wants to go to a meaningful art space and enjoy a night where people challenge reality
but the other part of me feels like 'artists are bullshit people who want attention', similar to tweens on youtube.

Part of me wants to see Tom Morello with a bunch of sweet Effectz Pedals,
but a bigger part of me wants to see a woman on all-fours without a shirt on with sweet pedals.

Part of me wants huge titties in my face
but another part of me wants lil authentic titties in my face.

Part of me wants to experience the night sober
but another part of me wants to 'get mad fucked up.'

Part of me wants to 'get drunk' off miscellaneous beverages
but another part of me wants to detox with Rice Dream/ Silk / Soy Milk.

Part of me wants to see MGMT this weekend
but part of me wants to just see this broad this weekend, then send her a friend request 2 her weirdo myspace.

I am not sure which part of me will win. I am not sure who I am any more. I am not sure why I do anything any more.

What r u doing this weekend?

I feel like I need 2 get back 2 my roots, and search for the perfect alternative breasts
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/t/perfect-alternative-breasts

Which video is more ‘representative’ of the Coachella experience?

Went to coachella. Wrote down all the bands that I saw play, then came home and made this image in photoshop. The bands that are more 'relevant' are in big text.

Feeling sad that the festival is over. I really feel like I can 'be myself' at places that seem like an AltUtopia.

Had a lot of fun at coachelly. Met some new bros, heard some new buzzbands (The Killers, Peter Bjorn and John, The My Bleeding Valentines, etc.). Twittered a lot about how I was feeling (hot, cold, dehydrated, headaches, hungry, happy) and what just happened (heard a song I liked, tall person in front of me, band being 'late' to the stage, band 'sucking', some1 'doing something stupid', etc.).

Glad that my bros and I can all twitter and experience life 2 gether.

N e ways, watched a few 'vimeos' Aka 'the alt youtube.' Saw some videos of coachella, and I'm not sure which 1 was more representative of 'THE COACHELLA EXPERIENCE.'


Video 1: A chill ass party with bloghouse DJs, alt celebs, altbros finding themselves, and that 1 song about '1 day we're gonna live in Paris' in the background.

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This video makes coachella seem like a chill ass time. Doesn't even seem like u need to go to the festival, u just need 2 be 1 of many bros who 'goes to a party' at a local upscale hotel/resort, and just stands there 'looking relevant.' There are also a lot of 'bad ass product placement shots.' Think that brands are supposed to have 'strong presences' at alternative events, and then 'get blogged about.' Hotties in bikinis. Keut Am Appy swim suits. Palm Trees. Ppl in sunglasses. Seems like this video might be what 'being young, free, and chilling in the general vicinity of a music festival' might be all about.

Video 2: Some bro with a lil peen getting tazed by Cops

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This video probably represents 'rebelling' against the modern music festival. It sux how every aspect of festivals have a sponsor. I'm tired of seeing my favourite band play on AT&T Wireless Stage/Chili's Stage [ via stage sponsorships ]. Tired of pissing in port-o-potties that are sponsored. Feel sad for the bro with a lil peen. Think he just wants to chill, do some salvia/acid, and watch M.I.A. and Paul McCartney perform live. I think that people got to walk around with their peens out at Woodstock. I think that festivals are supposed to be 'a safe place for tweens' since they are the people who 'purchase a $200 ticket for their birthday'/'getting good grades on their report card' [via parental reward].

Guess there's no place in the world for old men with lil peens. But it also might be viral marketing. Just can't be too sure these days. Honestly, I really posted this post just 2 ask 'how big do u think that bro's peen is when it is 100% ERECT?'

Wonder if Woodstock was even 'that chill.'
Wish there was a way to find out what the most authentic music festival experience of all time was, then start a business where we created a 'time machine', and sold tickets to attend this music festival for $300-500.

Are yall going 2 any music fests this summer? Looking forward 2 anything?
Sad that this is my last year in high school... nervous.

COACHELLA OR BUST!!!

Photo via EatSkeet


[via my mom's mini van]

WTF is a bathroom? [via being confused in a port-a-potty] (NSFW)

Image by Last Night's Party]


Have yall ever rlly had 2 use the restroom 2 the point that u even used a portapotty? Have yall ever entered in2 a portapotty, but then got confused about 'how 2 use the restroom'? Just wanted to post this picture because it is 'tuggable', 'dark', 'nonsensical', 'funny in a meme-ish way', and kinda like 'alt porn.'

Just trying 2 'find the hole' 2 'dump'/'pee' in. Kinda weird how we're all so simple and we all do the same stuff. Eat, sleep, feel things, have sex, and go to the restroom.

Sometimes I wish bathrooms were as EZ 2 use as iPods. :-(

Previous girls who 'got all confused' in a bathroom
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/12/wtf-is-a-bathroom.html

More bathroom coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/t/meet-me-in-the-bathroom

Do yall know if strippers accept Monopoly Money? [via the economic crisis]

Photo by The Style Shark


I was at a strip club, and I got kinda sad. There were a bunch of strippers who were 'dancing 4 monopoly money' since times are so hard. I guess maybe they get to exchange the monopoly money 4 drugs/uppers, or whatever strippers do in their backrooms. Maybe they just have 'low self-esteem' so the Monopoly $ is like a 'pat on the back', or just 'letting them know that they are 'good enough' ' for some1, even if it is some kreepy overweigh bro, who just wants to 'accidentally cum' in his pants.

Do yall feel like people who go to 'strip clubs' are desperate? do u think they are only for 'fat people' who 'wear baggy jeans' and buy 'expensive cars that they pay for over the course of 10 years' in which they 'cruise around' and listen to 'hip hop' and live in 'sad apartment complexes'?

do u ever feel alone, then go 2 a strip club with an iPod which is preloaded with a meaningful playlist of indie + alternative hits? What do u put on ur playlist?

Would yall be sad if ur daughter 'grew up 2 be a stripper'? Wouldn't yall rather have her do something honorable that was salaried and had health benefits? would yall rather 'buy a lapdance' or 'surf the internet for pornographic videos'?

'do not pass go. go directly 2 jail, yall.' -The Monopobros, a new indie band

Is it still ALT 2 ‘pleasure myself’/'j.o.’ to magazines with sexie women?


I was recently looking at a website, and I saw on this website that a magazine that I had never heard of/actually read had a big, beautiful woman on the cover of it. After I googled her, I found out that Beth Ditto was some sort of think-piece feminist who is only fat to 'make people think about issues.' She is also apparently a talented singer, but her weight+progressiveness has kept her from becoming a pleasantly plump starlet like Kelly Clarkson, Adele, or Carnie Wilson.

n e ways. I think the magazine cover is 'kinda tuggable.' It makes me think about times that I am alone, and I have 'sexual desires' but no1 around me. I 'touch myself' until I 'cum.' Do yall ever look at magazines / internet pornography / ppl outside of ur window / old family foto albums with u 'pleasure urself'? Not sure what the 'best way of doing things' is, but it is still sometimes nice 2 tug urself off without the emotional commitment of some1 else.

I was wondering if it was authentic to 'masturbate' to pictures that are in magazines... or do yall just use the internet to 'find porn' and 'get off' to? I read in a blog that there are new internet porn sites that allow u 2 'stream video's kinda like youtube. is this just an internet rumor, or will I have to keep my Tyra magazine?

What is the 'unsexiest' place yall have ever came? In the bathroom of ur parents' house right after you finished bowel movementing? Life is so real sometimes, yall.

But SRSLY, yall--do yall know if magazines still have pages inside of them, or are they just trying to have 'interesting looking covers' so that websites blog about them? When u see a magazine that has a zany cover, r u 'compelled 2 buy it' or are u like 'glad I didn't buy it--just looked at it on the internet.'

Part of me feels kinda sad whenever I see a 'bloggable magazine cover' because newspapers+magazines are dying. I think it's kinda a metaphor when a blog mentions a magazine, or a celeb on a magazine cover. It makes me sad 2 think abt people grocery shopping and feeling like they have 2 buy a magazine in order 2 stay 'connected' to the world. Blogs and magazines are direct competitors, so they shouldn't help each other out.

'being on a magazine cover' used 2 be such a big deal, but now it feels like ur 'just another meme.' I would h8 being a meme, and start to feel less relevant as other posts continued 2 stack on top of u every day.

Just glad I have the internet to find out more about life/to find things to 'masturbate to.' Searching for a site that merges these 2 concepts in2 an easy 2 navigate interface which optimizes my time. Do yall know n e 1 good websites 4 this goal? (besides myspace/facebook/lookbook/ hro )

Alternative Parenting Tips (The Metaphorical Vodka from Ur Teet)


[Photo by Last Night's Party]
When I have a child
I will raise him 'right'
and make sure he/she
gets only the best

Organic foods
Progressive Private Education
Summer art courses
Team sports
Necessary technology
No television
Plenty of 'books'/printed out pages of wikipedia
Drug prevention education
Lots of physical affection
and verbal reinforcement

My wife will put the baby
upon her teet
and tell her about her life
and her mistakes
and the history of the modern world

The baby will grow old
and go away to design school
And find himself/herself
Fall in love
Accidentally make a new child too soon
and the circle of life will continue

The baby
must be nourished
from a teet
which spouts
top shelf vodka
(This is a metaphor)

What brassieres will look like in 2k10


[Photo by Last Nights Party]
2k10 will be a turning point for women. They will no longer be confined by fashion/design constructs, and they will redefine every article of clothing in order to create a more authentic method of expressing who they are [via the clothes that they wear]. Things will begin to get more conceptual, and advertisers will move to advertise on beautiful humans after the blog-ad market dries up/internet is rationed by Barry Obama.

If there is one thing our country needs now, it is a bail out of the following economies

  • the nip stickies economy
  • the 'chunks of pink/purple/blue in my hair' economy
  • the free-spirited piercing economy
  • the electro economy
  • the banger economy
  • the conceptualcore economy
  • the meaningfulcore economy
  • the fund for transitioning entry levelers to mildly authentic bros
  • the bro economy.
  • The meme economy

Hopefully we make it to 2k10 without a country 'getting zany' and dropping a nuculeaure bomb on 'us.' I am looking forward to more keut women in progressive outfits that do a better job of 'showing the world what God gave them.

I am excited about the future.
I am excited about the future of fashion/design/women.

Motorboating: The Most Authentic Form of Self-Expression in 2k9? (NSFW)


It's pretty interesting to think about 'dance.' It is not just a genre of music--it is actually an act which your body performs. It is an art. You express yourself and 'let it all out' when you dance. There are things inside of you which need 2 be let out. Music facilitates dance.
In 2k9, music will not be as 'dancey'--it will be more conceptual. This means we cannot dance, and we must find a way to let out our deeply embedded sexually repressed feelings & 'teen angst' [via m83+our parents getting divorced]. The only way to do this will be [via motorboating]. AltBros are growing up and electro music will no longer be blggbl. Altbros are ready. They are ready to do more than just 'grind into girls standing in front of them at concerts.'

Motorboating is a rite of passage.
Don't be afraid of growing up.
This is what it means to live in 2k9.


BUT SRSLY...

WTF IS A BATHROOM?

What do yall do when u see a shitter? Do yall 'get naked' or 'let turds fall out of u'?

[Photos by LastNightsParty]

Bangs + Mullet + Teet Sucklage = the Holy Grail of Party Pix?

"BANG MULLETS: BIG IN 2k10?"
-Carles in the year 2k9 writing in the HRO circa 2k8.1 tone

A lot of ppl tell me 'Carles--the party pic thing is s00 old. Find a new gimmick cuz ur just ripping off _______.' These people do not understand the deep level of sociocultural analysis that HIPSTER RUNOFF provides on a daily basis. I will be the first to admit that there is more to life than partying, perfect alternative breasts, and 'snark blogs'--however, every1 needs a gimmick.

Without a gimmick, life is a journey without a goal. (goals = personal gimmicks)

Life is not easy. 'Meaning' is not auto-assigned upon birth.
You have to find it. You have to seek it out. You cannot be afraid of failure.
Keep searching.
Because one day, you will walk into a bathroom and find a keut girl 'hangin out' waiting for u 2 swoon her/suckle on her meaning-filled teet.

This is a metaphor. There's more to photography than just taking digipix of keut/interesting/controversial nouns. What does this picture represent 2 u?
[Photos by LNP]

WTF is a bathroom? (NSFW)


One of my biggest fears in life is losing my memory and motor skills. One of my closest relatives recently developed Alzheimer's Disease. She forgot her family, her name, and even how to perform basic human bodily functions. I fear getting old, not only for vanity reasons, but also because I am afraid of losing the ability to function. What if one day, I walked into a bathroom and didn't know what to do/where to poop/the difference between a sink+toilet? What if I didn't know the difference between a Nokia Razr and a Macbook? What if I forgot the name of my first alternative child & my first free spirited wife? What if I 4got the difference between 'alt' and 'mnstrm'? What if I forgot the difference between the Hipstar Ranoffs and the Pitchfork Television?

What if I 4got the difference between ________ and _________?

In 2k9, HRO will be less about 'alt' and more about 'blggng about fears inside of all of us--like mortality, heights, the poor side of town, and our parentz dying without them 'getting' us.'

[Photo by Last Nite's Bathroom]

/// What are yall afraid of?

This is a post on Christmas.

Christmas [via haiku(s)]

U humanize me.
We are all family, yall.
Gift cards//white macbooks.

New Am Appy Ads
Best X-Mas Gift Ever, Yall.
Perfect alt breastes.

Carles, plz post a n00d.
h8 young titties in my mouf.
Need alt cougar milf.

[Photo by thecobrasnake]


Got some gift cards, yall.
Felt closer 2 HRO.
Carles s0 gets my life.


Got Kinkos Gift Card
Party promoter future
Tyte Party Fliers


SoMe milkshake bro.
Sharing meaningful bromance.
2 Straws, 1 cup, yall.


My stocking stuffers
The Best Alt Accessories
Personal Branding


Upgrade--finally.
New macbook means a new life.
No more youtube crash.

////////
Meeting high school friends
Showing off the brand new me
They will not 'get' me.

They went to state school.
Horizons are not broadened.
I am self-aware.

//////

Going to visit
my extended family
They still use dial up.

/////
Glad local mall got
a Mac store and Am Appy
Are they mainstream now?

60 year old broad
Employed by Stephen JobsBro
Working at Mac Store

/////
HRO Christmas
is not very meaningful
Remember Thnxgv?

Still h8 family
Will never 'get' my alt life.
Plz serve tofurkey.
////

Thank you mom and dad
Created paypal account
Ordered rare t-shirt

\\\\\

Xmas Wish Came True
Parents Bought me an AZN
Human Trade Market

I started 2 cry
Malnourished AZN in bag
Fed scraps from table

MERRY XMAS FROM THE HIPSTER RUNOFF FAMILY (aka Carles).
<3 yall.
h8 yall.
miss yall.

Kinda bummed out (about titties in my face)

Ever since I was an entry level hypemachine mp3 blog, I wanted to 'make it' and look like 'a real' website that was 'an authentic content source' for 'tastemaking audiences' and miscellaneous 'trendsetters.'

Guess what I'm trying 2 say is that I wanted to get American Appy ads on my site. Having American Apparel banners mean that 'u have arrived.' U r 'real', 'valuable' and 'relevant.'
So I did that, and I'm feelin kind of empty. Now that my site is 'branded' as being 'legitimate' according 2 the casual internet viewer, I want more.

I'm bummed out.
I read that Am Appy is starting to run nude ads on select websites.

Click Here

I know yall probably think I should chill out. But I just want a nip or two on my website. I just want a few alt breasts to be peeping out at my readers saying, 'hey yall. come and buy some of our stuff, yall!'

I might just put some smut videos up on my sidebars to make HRO//NSFW.
Should I ban nudity on HRO?

Should I ban Ben & Jerry's on my weblog?

[Photo by lastnightsparty]

BUT SRSLY//
Are a pair of titties gonna make yall more likely 2 buy something?
When u see breasts aligning with a brand, does it make u want to cum with/on the brand and the pair of sweet, sweet juggs?
Do u still want 2 be an Am Appy model?

The Future of the Party Pic N00d (NSFW)


[Photo by Lastnitesparty]
Transitioning into a new year is all about [UNCERTAINTY]. Will gimmicks from previous years work in 2k9? For example, will alternative men still be [HIGHLY INTERESTED] in searching for the perfect pair of alternative breasts? I don't think they will. I think most men might become 'a lil bit bi' in 2k9, and start looking for a few more nut/shaft slips.


[Photo by icanteachyouhow2doit]
In 2k8, most of my male readership pretended to be 'grossed out' by the sight of __% of a peen. However, in 2k9, they will utilize the ZOOM feature of their Macbooks [CTRL+SCROLL] in order to 'get a better peep' at alternative junks.

2k9 will be all about experimentation and testing new sexual boundaries. Kinda like a softcore porno television series on cable television. It'll be 'about sex' but it won't be raunchy. It will be sensual, and the former 'tug' experience will be about connecting with some1 on a spiritual+emotional+meaningful level.

2k9 will be all about serious relationships.
(I might be wrong. I'm just scared and looking 4 stability. What is 2k9 gonna b all abt?)

Previous Mummified Alt
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/11/modern-mummification-processes.html

Previous peen coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/last-nights-lil-tug.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/07/nut-slips-are-the-new-nip-slips.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/who-has-the-most-authentic-altpenis-some-fggt.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/08/4-the-ladies-who-like-red-heads.html [GINGER PEEN]

TWINS: what's ur favourite kind? (NSFW)

(sorry yall. I have 2 blog abt twins every chance I get. g2g. ttyl)

Do yall mind if I ask u a personal question and u answer 100% honestly without bullshitting me and being serious for once in ur goddamn life? Plz. Let's just talk...

Ok... here goes nothing...
Do yall like

Twins #1: dreamy pseudo-model twin bros?

Twins #2: concept-core incestual pseudo-twins who get hired to fuck eachother at events??

Twins #3: A post-strategic dual nip slip set of twin alt breasts

[Photos by LastnitesTwinfest]

Which set of twins would yall take to a desert island cuz u got stranded from society?
Which 5 iTunes albums would yall take 2 that island?

Luv asking yall personal questions. Just trying to 'get' u.

"Housekeeping." [Read this title in a derogatory Mexican voice.] (NSFW)


It's kinda unfair how some people are born in2 situations which they can't control. For instance, when these two people popped out of their mother's wombs, their lifepaths were already set. One was destined to be a housekeeper at a high end hotel. The other was destined to be a girl who took n00d photos and railed dudes. I'm not sure which life path I would want. While one is a little bit more priviledged and means I would have to work harder, the other life option might make life a little bit more meaningful. The harder you work, and the less that is handed 2 u [via silver platter], the more meaningful your life probably is.

(Wonder how my life woulda been different if I wasn't middleclass/uppermddleclss when I was a kid? Would my perspective of the world be ttly diff or the same? Or would I have a 'chip on my shouldr'?)

There's just s0 many ppl on Earth, yall. Kinda feel 'blessed' that I have an opportunity to be the only me on this planet. It's a privilege, and I respect the process of choosing my authentic career and forging a meaningful personal brand around it.

[Photo by LastnightsParty]

Should I start reading books abt how my life is special & how I can do whatever I want?

Should I start going 2 church in basketball arenas to be 'part of something bigger than myself'?

Should I become a party promoter/positive ChristianBro? Should I stop being a trivial electro producer and start dressing like a bagmainstreamer who srsly plays the acoustic guitar and wants to 'make it' as a Christian band?

Are you an individual, or r u part of the machine? (NSFW)

[Note: this picture is a metaphor.]

Sometimes I wonder if I am an individual, or if I am just part of some bullshit corporate America machine. I don't just want to be a product of marketing. I want to be a post-informed consumer. I want to make authentic decisions, and not be influenced by 'men in suits who just want to make money.' I am an artist. I do not want 2 b exploited.

I want to owe my existence 2 myself.
I am an individual. I am not the real-life embodiment of relevant themes from the movie THE MATRIX: Keanu's Bogus Journey.

This is a post about searching for the perfect alternative breasts.

xx BONUS singular tit xx

I am the lone breast//featured in the party pic//
I am the lone breast//not featured in the party pic//
My tit is more meaningful than the other tit.
[Photos by

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