All humans have belongings, and in order to transport our belongings, we must have some sort of compartment to carry these personal items with us. We must create portable space that is both fashionable and functional. This is why men and women carry ‘purses’, also known as bags-o-stuff. There is apparently a market for ‘high end’ purses, but many regular humans ‘create their own purses.’

It seems like this new trend of FOIL BALLOON PURSES might take over all other D.I.Y.-themed purses in the next 1-3 years.  I hope that this will ‘officially kill off’ girls who buy/make purses that look like they were hand-crafted in ‘the Third World.’

I have always been kinda baffled by foil balloons. They have sorta been branded as ‘a shitty complement’ to cheap flowers. Like u stopped at a grocery store, bought some flowers and a foil balloon, then went to give a gift to some1 you don’t really love and doesn’t understand why a foil balloon would be ‘hella insulting.’ Like a grandmother, a kid under the age of 10, or possibly a tweenage girlfriend who ‘carried around her foil balloon proudly on Valentine’s Day.’

Honestly would only buy a foil balloon for a ‘baby’

a tween who I wanted to ‘feel up’ at the mall

or possibly a relative who was about to die.

I am truly amazed by the foil balloon’s transition into this year’s hottest fashion item.

There are just so many possibilities to create something beautiful with foil balloons. I really feel like I can take my brand 2 the next level with a ‘Dora the Explorer’ foil balloon purse.

Should I make a purse for my next ‘GNO’ [via girls nite out]?

Really need 2 be an ‘early adopter’ to this trend. Worried that mainstreamers will catch on to this within 2 months, kinda like how they ’stole shutter shades’/wayfarers/every good band.

I am excited about making my own foil balloon purse this weekend. I am not sure which balloon I should buy. I am not sure which foil balloon will be ‘me’ enough. I might actually start a ‘foil balloon purse conversion’ business in order to capitalize on this new trend.

I think that I will be very ‘now’/'culturally relevant’ if I make a balloon out of Balloon Boy’s balloon. Really need to check ebay to see if I can buy a little bit of the original foil balloon print. Sounds like a challenge straight out of ‘The Runway Project’ television show.

We must realize that we are living in a post-balloonboy world. It’s kinda weird how violated we feel after a lil family from Colorado violated our trust. For 3 hours, we thought we were watching a lil boy abt to die, but then we figured out his parents had jammed him in a box in the attic.

Creating a foil-balloon purse will mean that you are willing to let the world know that you are a victim. You are not afraid to display your pain and use fashion as an effective way to comment on the modern human condition. You will create a foil balloon purse. You will give your world a window to your pain. Your personal brand will be both ‘fashionable’ and ‘vulnerable.’  You will be in touch with humanity.

Will u create a foil balloon purse ASAP?
How long until we see ‘relevant partie pix’ with foil balloon purses?
Will foil balloon purses be the next shuttershades/rcrd hats/child predator glasses?
Are foil balloons/FBPurses ‘fucking stupid’?
Do u think that they will ‘hold up’?
R u going to throw down an ‘arts and crafts’ session this weekend?
R u ‘pissed’ at balloon boy? Do u h8 ‘the media’?

Seems like this photo was taken at some sort of ‘cultural arts festival’ where they were creating a series of foil balloon purses.

Please feel free to send your foil balloon purse pix to Carleser [at] gmail.com (no uggos plz)

Feeling so ‘violated’ in the post-balloonboy world. Not sure who 2 trust any more. Not sure what’s ‘real’ and what is ‘bullshit.’ Alone.

I was browsing some of the world’s most relevant fashion & trend blogs, and saw some kewl arts + crafts that I thought I should ’shine a spotlight on.’ If u ever have any interesting craft ideas, please leave them in the comments. I honestly believe that we will only be able to find happiness through self-expression, through some method of design. But if ur not properly educated in ‘design’, then all u can really do is ‘arts and crafts.’

Art + Craft #1: Showing ur faith in The Lord by Creating a safety pin t-shirt for him (a Justice t-shirt)

Photo via thefacehunter

This bro clearly ‘loves the Lord’, and wanted to make a shirt that was a tribute to our Lord Saviour Jesus Christ. Not every1 is able to mass produce shirts with designs on them, so sometimes you need to take whatever you have around the house and ‘make it work.’ Sometimes I will squirt toothpaste on my t-shirts in kewl lil designs instead of actually buying a t-shirt that has stuff on it 4ever.

I might make this shirt as an ‘activity’ with the community Bible Study group that I lead called Teens4Christ.

Art+Craft #2: Rat Tail Extension Kid

Many of yall are familiar with ‘rat tails’, but u probably didn’t know that you could have them on any part of ur body. All u really need to do is create a rat-tail extension kit with safety pins and human hair. This is similar to black women who wear ‘weaves’, except this is for alternative people. It seems like if you put a rat tail in an ‘unexpected place’, u will get a better reaction. I have a feeling that ’safety pins’ might be one of the most important fashion accessories of the next decade.

Kinda turned on by this, like I would want a girl to use a safety pin + rat tail extension as a clitoris piercing.

Art+Craft #3: A shirt with ur own face on it

Photo via YvanRodic

I am not sure if this is a look for every1, particularly if you are ugly. It seems like ugly people might want to wear a shirt with some1 else’s face on it, but that also might make the person seem ‘uglier.’ This shirt is bold, letting the world know that u are truly ‘all about U.’ I feel like u have 2 be artistic 2 execute this shirt, or else u will end up looking like a crappy doodle.

‘This bro is me.’ – u, 2009

Art+Craft #4: Building a body suit out of duct tape and aluminum foil

Photo via drunkenstepfather

I feel like this look might only work for ‘curvy ass bitches.’ It seems like some1 else might have to make it for you by wrapping your body in duct tape. U might only be able to wear it once.

Art+Craft #5: Metaphorically Lynching urself

I have always wanted to show the world how much pain I have inside of myself, but without ‘actually killing myself.’ It seems like I don’t actually want to kill myself, because that wouldn’t really be noticed by enough people, unless I went on ’some sort of death rampage.’ I feel like I might build an art+craft where I ‘lynch myself’, and make it seem like I am dead in public. As if I am Jesus Christ or something, and I was murdered by tons of people who don’t ‘get’ me.

I love ‘living’ 2 much 2 kill myself, but I really just want the world 2 know that they don’t ‘get’ me. I want them 2 know that they are slowly killing me.

/////
Just want 2 create shit
& express who I truly am
2 the world around me
looking at me
analyzing me
interpreting me
‘u don’t fckng know me’
‘u don’t fckng get me’
‘I nvr thought I’d die alone.’

do u know n e fun arts+crafts activities?

I remember when gangster rap came out, there was a trend called ’sagging.’ Basically, u let your jeans/pants ’sag’ below ur ass, showing off your underwear. It seemed like if you were a ’sagBro’, it meant that you were somehow affiliated with a ‘gang.’ For those of you who don’t know, ‘gangs’ were packs of minorities who banded together to brand themselves as ‘violent hoodlums’, and often got into disputes with other ‘gangs’ within their community. The wave of ‘gang violence’ inspired tons of films by ‘deep’ minority writers and directors, who wanted to present obvious/’progressive’ ideas about life in the poor part of town. Most of these movies ended with a ‘tragic death’ by a minority who ‘had potential’ but succumbed to the ‘disease of the streets’ since community members killed 1 another instead of helping 1 another.

N e ways… It seems like ’sagging’ might be a new trend that catches on, perhaps as a tribute to ‘the way things used to be.’

These minorities seem to be ‘trendy.’ Not sure if they are ‘authentic saggers’ or if they are part of the recent post-ironic sag revival.

This bro seems ‘innovative’ for finding a way to make his skinny jeans sag. Sagging seems to say ‘i don’t care about the form/function of the traditional pant technology.’

It seems important to have ‘nice underwear.’ A lot of saggers utilized Loony Tunes boxers, or Tommy Hilfiger branded boxers. Not sure if I would wear something as simple as Old Navy boxers. Might utilize Am Appy briefs.

I srsly hope that ’sagging’ is embraced by public school systems now that the gang-wave is over.

I am excited about this new era of sagging. I feel like it will give me an opportunity to rebrand my image without spending too much on new clothes. It might make me seem ‘more ethnic’/like I am in touch with minority trends, and possibly help me look like I have a ‘global perspective.’ Not sure how sagging started. Seems not very functional, but still sorta stylish.

Just worried that I will be sent home from school if the hall monitor catches me. :-(

Do u think that sagging is ‘back’?
Do u know if ‘gangs’/'gang violence’ still exist or do minorities just ‘play video games’ instead now?

This is a post about hoping that sagging catches on with keut females with ‘nice asses.’

I was browsing the Am Appy store, and I found a kewl new product called ‘the bag o scraps.’ I think that the concept behind the product is that you can ‘create your own meaningful arts and crafts’ using Am Appy material/the exclusive Am Appy colour/design palette. Like if you can’t afford a real Am Appy t-shirt, you could glue together these scraps to make ur own unique one. Or if you are a free-spirited girl, u can ‘let ur imagination run wild’ while creating some thing ‘beautiful’ with the bag-o-scraps.

It seems hard to run a clothing manufacturing company, like there is all of this ‘extra shit’ left over, but u don’t really know what to do with it. Then u hire some ‘alternative arts+crafts consultants’ to come in with some ‘fresh ideas’ about how you can brand this waste. Seems like u are just ‘jonesing 4 money’ in anyway possible, trying to ‘liquidate inventory’ and ‘reduce the bottom line’ by ‘creating brand synergy’ and ‘manufacturing efficiencies’ while keeping ‘fixed costs at a minimum’ and creating a ‘progressive business culture’ where ‘ideas are incubated’ and ur ‘vertically integrated corporate structure’ is able to ‘make huge margins.’

The bag-o-scraps sorta reminds me of how barbecue restaurants invented a product that is a sandwich made out of the leftovers from beef scraps and the leftover meats that have a ‘high fat content.’

The Chopped Beef BBQ sandwich is made up from the scraps and leftover fat cuttings from the ‘premium beef products.’ They are able to mix all of this 3rd class waste with barbecue sauce, and sell it like it is a ’special recipe’, but the people who eat it are actually ‘eating pig slop.’ It seems important to only eat ‘white meat’ and possibly red meat that has a ‘reasonable fat content.’ But I think in America, ppl like to eat unhealthy stuff, and take pride in it.

(What is ur fave kind of BBQ?)

It seems difficult to run a business efficiently. I feel like ideally, there would be no ‘leftover scraps’ to salvage. But maybe the bag-o-scraps is sorta a lesson about life. Not everything is going to be a perfectly tailored t-shirt in a unique colour sold at an above-market price because ur buying a ‘quality brand.’ Sometimes u have to take what life gives you–a bag-o-scraps– and turn it into something beautiful. Maybe life is just a bag-o-scraps, and the individual scraps are the people/mp3s/blogsites/social networks/tweets that make U who U R as an individual.

Might buy a bag-o-scraps and open up an etsy store/ebay thrift store. Seems lucrative. Might open a BBQ restaurant.

‘Matter can neither be created nor destroyed. It may be rearranged in space, and changed into different types of particles, and utilized to create meaningful arts, crafts, and branded products.’
-God when creating the Bag O Scraps

Previous Am Appy Coverage
[Kanye West Shops at Am Appy] [Am Appy Swine Flu Mask] [Am Appy Black Guy Employee] [Product Packaging Analysis] [Am Appy undies with cock pic] [Afrikaan products at am appy] [Am Appy Products that are easy 2 <3/h8]

Do u have n e good ideas 4 making shit with the ‘bag o scraps’?
Do u know if Am Appy cloth is ‘the same as a condom’ if u wrap it around ur penis and penetrate ur lover?
Does n e 1 know where I can buy Hollistercrombie bags-o-scraps?

Still searching for my ’summer look.’ I know that fanny packs have been something ‘ironic’ to mention since the beginning of time. But srsly yall…I think that fanny packs are actually really functional now that I have finished my design school curriculum. I was fortunate enough to major in Product Design & Engineering, and had a class taught by the guy who designed the first generation iPod Shuffle.

I feel like soon, ppl will want to carry ‘less belongings’ than ever. All u really need is ur debit card and ur smartphone. We will soon eliminate pockets, and either have specially designed pouches for specific items, or perhaps some sort of ‘camelbak’ that you can fill with the beverage of ur choice.

I’m not very creative, but I do come up with good ideas sometimes. Sorta wish that bars would sell pre-loaded camelbaks full of beer / well drinks / sparks / etc. Feel like it would make business more efficient, and decrease ‘foot traffic’ within the bar, allowing people to enjoy themselves’ even more. U could even encourage people to ‘bring in their own huge container.’ Might just use a camelpak because I am worried about dehydrating in the summer sun.

Yall… I’m just looking for a better way to live–and I think the best way to improve your life is to bring as many ‘kick ass products’ as possible into your life. I don’t really understand why ‘we were put on this Earth’, but I do know that u can do whatever is in ur power to make urself look kewl/have a ‘functional wardrobe.’

might buy an iPhone 4.0

Previous Fanny Pack Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/fanny-packs

It’s weird to see girls when they have their arm in a ‘fancy bag holding position.’ It seems like they have a lot of ‘attitude.’ While I have seen this arm-position being utilized in photographs of famous celebrities skanks-who-are-in2-fashion, I feel like I have seen this pose more often in ‘lil cunts’ who are ‘middle-upper-class but think they are rich. [via suburbia]‘ Girls who are ‘into fashion’ and ‘just want to seem really deep/cunty-in-a-cool-way.’

It’s weird to see people in public who ‘act like they are famous’ or something. Feel like people are ’seriously disturbed’ when they have mannerisms + personal branding decisions that can only be appropriated to ’some1 trying to seem the way a famous person would act.’ Need 2 start exploring how ‘fame’ makes me feel more often.

I’m not sure if having ur arm in this cunty purse-holding position is a functional decision. I feel like this pose is often used when ur holding a large, heavy purse, so it is possibly a matter of ‘properly balancing a load.’ It seems like the broad might have to use her elbow to ‘keep the purse pushed back’ so that she can ’showcase her outfit.’

Seems like something that ‘high fashion bitches’ do.

Seems like a ‘fad’ that ‘cunts’ copy thereby spreading 2 suburbia.

Feel like it might actually ‘be functional’ if you are a ‘very small woman.’ But in that case, you should consider a ‘back pack.’

Sorta just wish women would buy ergonomically designed purses. Feel like women need to make better decisions being able to carry a baby in one arm, and baby supplies in the other.

It’s hard for me to understand why women need 2 carry ’so much shit.’ I think they are insecure and ‘worry too much’ about how they look. Also possibly are worried about ‘getting/looking old’ too much. I wish that women who were obsessed with ‘life being terminal’ would have a child, and shift their focus to ‘caring for a lil person who came out of their wombs.’ I think that is actually part of eVolution/the Circle of Life.

Feel very worried about women, and the stress that they are putting on their bodies. Not sure if having ‘the arm’ is a good personal branding choice. I think that there are a lot of things wrong with the concept of a ‘purse’ in the modern world. Feel like women should try to be more like men, and just carry a wallet in their ass-pockets or something. Maybe they would ‘feel more equal’ and ‘less weighed down.’

Worried about the spinal cords of lil girls carrying bags that are too heavy. Wish a designer would come along and change everything. Wish men and women were ‘truly equal.’

Photo via GorillaVsBear

I was looking at the popular alternative mp3 blog, GorillavsBears, and I noticed that the GorillaVsBro took some pictures of popular conceptual musician Panda Bear, aka stage name “Noah Lennox”, from the band Animal Collective. I saw that he was wearing a shirt that looked pretty kewl. The shirt featured several wolves ‘chilling.’ I thought it might be a t-shirt for a band that was named ‘Wolves’ or ‘Wolf Collective’ or something, but it was actually just a shirt promoting the generic wolf brand. Wolves for Wolves’ Sake.

I feel like it might be a modern take on the famous ‘child predator glasses‘ trend. It is a look that says ‘I am a bro who values different things than u. I live in a different world than u, and I am not searching for the same things in life than u r. I am part of some sort of collective of animals who don’t care about material things’ and so forth, and so on… Sort of like how child predators ‘just wanna get off with kidz’, WolfBros ‘just want to be a part of nature’ or something like that. Roaming the earth.

It’s weird how we are in this Am Appy era of solids + stripes, but it might be time to ‘break free’ from this minimal branding, and start wearing t-shirts with various nouns on them, represented via images (no words).

Srsly. The more I see Wolf t-shirts, the more it ‘makes sense.’

Seems like ‘wolf’ might be my power animal [via the Fighting Clubs]

Wolf Altbro #1

Wolf Altbro #2?

Wolves roam together in packs, sort of like how I envision a ‘perfect scene’ where every1 gets along and there is no ‘drama’

Wolves can also be ‘lone bros’ who ‘just chill by themselves’ and are ‘happy’ with a life of solitude

Might ‘convert’ a wolf t-shirt into some sort of tank top for the summer months

This shirt sorta represents being American, but also being a wolf bro

People who have read lots of wikipedia pages will have found out that ‘indie music’ is actually short of ‘Indian music’, not ‘independent music.’ Wolves and Buffalo were the most important animals to injuns.

“I am a lone bro.
Lone wolf bro
Alone in this modern world
searching for my pack of bros
to roam this earth
in search of meaning
we are comfy in nautica bros.”
-Panda Bear, 2014

R u gonna buy a wolf t-shirt?
Do u believe in the wolf t-shirt as a relevant summer look?
Does n e 1 know how to convert my blank Am Appy t-shirts into Wolf Tees?
Is Panda Bear a bro who ‘gets it’?
What will u be wearing this summer?

Yall. I feel confused when I see these Nike gladiator shoes. I think that they are supposed to be ‘athletic’ but also ‘trendy.’ I am not sure if they were designed to give your feet/body adequate support. I think it might be for people who are ‘only interested in looking kewl’ but also possibly for ‘people who play xtreme sports.’ Haven’t really followed Xtreme Sports since Tony Hawk died in a skateboarding accident-prank with Tom Green.

These gladiator Nikes are for:
a) streetwear urban bros
b) streetwear urban bros from suburbia/Los Angeles
c) LeBron James
d) Kobe Bryant
e) replacing the ‘chill soccer sandal’
f) going to build a time machine and sell them 2 actual gladiators
g) something about the show “AMERICAN GLADIATORS”
h) wrestlers [via Mickey Rourke/Brooke Hogan]
i) boxers [via Manny "Pac Man" Pacquiao]
j) the homosexual demographic
k) the now-defunct ‘metrosexual’ demographic
l) bros who wear Ed Hardy
m) bros who want to look chill but also be ready to fight
n) giving away for free at Coachella Pool Partie
o) black people
p) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Confused about gladiator sandals/shoes.
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/t/gladiator-shoes

Not sure who I even am any more, and what brand represents me the most/best.

I’m searching mad hard for a summer look, yall. Just need to ‘keep it fresh.’ I am sort of looking for something that fits in with the modern world–not trying to copy aesthetics from the past several years. Thinking about getting some sort of bowl cut, but then also possibly having ‘a lil tail’ in the back [via mullet]. I just want people to know that I am ‘willing to adapt’ to trends, and that I’m not really stuck with just 1 mediocre look.

This summer, I think I want to be ‘post-sexual’, maybe a little bit like an androgynalt. Don’t want people to know what sex I am. I want ppl 2 b attracted to me for ‘what’s on the inside’ and not because of bullshit biological factors like ‘gender’ and ’sexual organs.’ I just feel like we need to start realizing that you can make love with any1 if we want to have peace in the Middle East. We need to stop worrying about bullshit societal and biological norms.

But srsly yall, do u know any good summer looks? Wonder if gladiator sandals will come back–saw them selling some at WalMart.

Should I just go to the gym to ‘get ripped’ then buy some board shorts and get a summer job as a lifeguard?

If I get a record hat, will it melt in the sun if I wear it to a pool partie?

Yall I need yalls help. do u know any good ’summer stores’ other than the local thrift store “The Old Navy”?

Saw these two laggards laying around on my flag. This is America. This is our flag.

Photos via Bad Kitties

I feel ‘fucking enraged’ that some1 would deface my flag like that. I feel like this is what people in Iraq and Iran do whenever George W. Bush makes bad foreign policty.

It rlly offends me 2 see some super model/it-girl wearing our flag as a muu muu to a meaningful music festival. I know that fashion is metaphorical, but I don’t think u should be allowed 2 wear a flag-shirt unless ur American, and unless it is [via Old Navy].

srsly think that this is a metaphor for the economie. Feel like young people are ‘lazy’ and ‘don’t give a shit about the economie.’ This is like Generation Y, hangin out, layin around on Old Glory.

I think that the British flag might actually be a ‘fashion statement.’

Sort of scared that the South will rise again [via Radical Christian bros who buy guns at Walmart]

I think it’s kewl that even ‘the dark side’ of the world is a lil bit nationalistic. Think that we should limit their levels of ‘patriotism’ so that it doesn’t cause terrorism.

Yall. I’ve been feeling really down lately. Just like ‘fuck everything’ and feelings like that. I decided that if u don’t care about any thing, ur life will never be meaningful. Even though it is cliched, u have 2 FEEL something. U can’t just go through life thinking that everything is a big joke. U have 2 take stuff seriously so that u don’t implode.

It’s okay to take stupid stuff seriously. Sometimes that makes life fun. Think I’m gonna change my ways and rally around America/God/bad ass mp3s/ ‘the scene’.
What do yall believe in? What do yall do 2 get out of ruts?